Through New Eyes
by SilverExcel115
Summary: Former Spec Ops soldier gets court marshaled. He is given an offer, he can either join the program as a simulation soldier and earn his name back, or he can just sit in prison. He chose the former. Several other OCs may be introduced. It's my first story, not that it means much anymore, call it nolstalgia.
1. The Begining

**Author's note: I don't own actually own anything and this is my first story, so no I don't have any idea what I am doing, I might borrow a few elements from other forms of media, like entire plot lines on occasion, and possibly scenes.**

The Beginning

On a spaceship flying god knows where, there I was. It's funny, I joined the army to be like dad, do my duty to my race, now look at me, a reject. I was actually a good soldier believe it or not, too bad all that went down the drain. They honestly could have thrown me in prison for what I did, they instead transferred me to this outpost at some random end of the galaxy. They said that the troopers stationed there was receiving a new tank and they needed me to maintain it since I was an engineer. At least if I can't find anything to do at this new place I just spend time maintaining the tank.

 _Linebreak_

"...um…Hi," said a voice to my left. It was the other guy with me wearing the same color blue.

"Hello," I replied "What's your name? I'm Jonathan Lockett."

"Oh, my name is Michael J. Caboose," Caboose said. Then followed by a few seconds of awkward pauses he asks, "So...why are you here?"

I wasn't sure if I should tell him about why I got sent here, so instead I gave him something basic "Oh, uh...they needed someone to keep the tank running, you?" I asked glancing over to him.

"Oh that's cool, I signed up for a cooking class," he happily replied.

I chuckle, "That's funny, but no, seriously, how did you get here?" I look over to him. " _Please don't tell me he got conned into enlisting._ " I thought to myself.

"I signed up for a cooking class." he repeated this time with confusion building in his voice.

"So did you end up getting here by accident then?" I asked with some sympathy in my voice, as a response he shrugs. "Damn dude that sucks," I couldn't but feel sympathy for the kid since he pretty much got suckered into joining the army.

Trying to change the conversation he asked me about why I joined. So I told him about how my dad was a hero and when I was how I wanted to be just like him when I grew up. He seemed pretty impressed about the stories of my dad.

"Man I wish my dad was that cool." he commented in awe. "All my dad does is sit at home when he wasn't working and watched football on TV. Sometimes he would try to tell me about how live a decent life and gives me lessons on things like girls."

"That sounds kind of interesting." I replied honestly. "Did any of it work?"

"No," he sadly shook his head, "None of the girls ever seemed to like me." he gloomily replied, "No one seemed to really like me" Aw man, that must have sucked.

"Don't say that, I like you kid." I replied trying to make him feel better patting him on the shoulder.

He then perks up and asks "Really?" I nod. "Can we be friends then?" he asks with growing optimism.

I wrap my arm around his shoulder, "Sure, I can be your friend, someone has to make sure you don't shoot yourself in your foot," we both laugh. "It looks like we got some time until we reach our location, I'm gonna try and catch some sleep. Think you could wake me up when we get there?"

"Sure."

 _5 Hours Later_

I feel my shoulder shake, I open my eyes and it was Caboose.

"Hey Jonathan, we're here."

"Thanks," I grunted, "Oh and Caboose?" he looks over to me. "Call me Lockett, we are in the military, I think it's safe to assume most of us at the base will be on a last name basis." He then nods his head as the crewman calls over to us.

"Hey you two, we're almost at Blood Gulch, get ready!"

I grab Caboose's shoulder and say "Hey kid, stick with me and I'll help you get settled in."

"Okay!" he replies happily.

We both get up from our seats grab our duffel bags and walk for the cargo bay door where the crewmen were getting ready to move the tank. Then the door to the ship started to open and the light from the sun started to shine through. When our eyes finally adjusted to the new sun, the tank was already at the base and I could make out two figures waiting by the tank, one in cobalt colored armor and another in aqua.

I nudge Caboose's shoulder as we begin our trip over to the other soldiers. Little did I know how well we would fit in nor could I even imagine the adventures we would go on. I probably wouldn't understand them either.

 **Author's note: Please let me know how you think of my first attempt. Feel free to add criticism and advice.**


	2. The New Arrivals

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters nor do I own the game the show is based on. I do own a COPY of the game, but I don't think that counts.**

The New Arrivals

Honestly, this feels just like high school only instead of Caboose and I holding school supplies and wearing backpacks, we are wearing Armor and holding guns. I sure hope this sure doesn't pan out like my high school life did... man...so many bad memories…

Anyway, Caboose and I walk down the ramp to the two soldiers waiting for us, as we approach them I whisper to Caboose, "Let me do the talking," and I walk forward and ask, "Who is the commanding officer here?"

"Uh that would be me," replies the one in cobalt armor one while the one in aqua snorts. "I'm Church and that guy over there is Tucker."

"Sup," "Tucker" cooly (or tries to anyway) replies, he then asks "So what are you names?"

I look over to Caboose and mime with my lips 'Like me'. Then I snap into a crisp salute and shout "Corporal Jonathan Lockett reporting for duty sir!"

Then Caboose mimics "Prvt. Michael J. Caboose reporting for duty sir."

"See Tucker, I like these new recruits, they know how to show respect," bemes Church.

"Um Church sir?" I start. "Command has decided to update the rank of the commanding officer here at Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha."

I had no idea a person's jaw can drop that far nor could their eyes get that big. I swear, both Church and Tucker's jaws were low enough to use as a steps and their eyes were the size of dinner plates, but nothing could prepare me for what happened next.

"By order of Blue command, you are now Sgt. Leonard Church, commanding officer of blue command, with me as you new executive officer." I then handed him his chevrons.

"Lockett I am right now torn between crying and kissing you," Church whispers. Wait what?

"Sorry sir but I don't swing that way," I still can't remember what caused me to say that but at that comment, Tucker bursts out laughing and Church just glares at him. I simply walk into the base to set up my room.

 _Linebreak_

Sometime later I walk out and find all three members of Blue team gathering around the tank and just as I get closer, I could hear Caboose telling a story.

"So I say to the guy "How are you gonna get the tank down to the planet?" and he goes "I'll just put it on the ship," and I go "If you got a ship that can carry a tank, why not put guns on the ship and use it instead?" says Caboose.

"Hey kid!" interrupts Tucker.

"Yeah?" he turns to Tucker

"You're ruining the moment," scolds Tucker. "Shut up."

"Oh, okay, you got it man," whimpers Caboose, aw poor kid, I can already see the guys don't like him.

"Hey guys, what's going on?" I ask as I walk up to them.

"You know what, I could blow up the whole goddamn world with this thing." Church then turns to me and says, "Lockett, you according to command are our resident engineer, tell me about this...wonderful piece of machinery."

"Well sir," I start, "This is the M808B Main Battle Tank, armored with ceramic titanium battle plating and armed with a 90mm M512 Smooth Bore High Velocity and a secondary coaxial mounted M247T Medium Machine Gun chambered in armor piercing 7.62x51mm NATO, commonly called the scorpion."

"Why is it called that?" asks Tucker.

"Well Tucker," I explained, "a lot of the soldiers tend to think the tank resembles a scorpion, other than that I don't know, I mean I'm sure the eggheads who designed this could come up with some symbolism but, it's kinda like how the jeep the reds have is called a "warthog", it's because it kinda looks like one."

"Wait the jeep is called warthog?" asks Church.

"Yeah, I think it looks more like a puma." replies Tucker, I simply shrug.

"Anyway," begins Tucker, "forget what I said before, we could differently pick up chicks in a tank," Tucker then looks over to Church, "probably 2 or 3 chicks a piece."

Church then snorts and retorts "Aw man listen to you, what are you going to do with two chicks?"

"Church," Tucker tries to argue, "Girls are like Voltron, the more you can hook up the better it gets."

I roll my eyes and say "Tucker... just no." and he just laughs.

 _Linebreak_

"Speaking of chicks," Church then sports a grin and leans closer to us, "I'll let you guys in on a little secret. I uh... I actually got a girl back home."

"Oh yeah, girlfriend or wife?" asks Tucker.

"No man," sighs Church, "she is just my girlfriend, we were gonna get married and I got shipped out." he with regret replies while trying to sport a grin, "you know how it works." Man that always sucks, and what can I say, I can't help but feel sympathy towards people…most people anyway.

"How about you Lockett?" asks Tucker "You got anyone waiting for you at home."

I shake my head "No, I was too busy with my homework." they both give me this look the said 'Really?' "I was too socially awkward to even really approach girls. Hey Church, you gonna marry her when you get back?" I ask.

"I'm not gonna get married," interrupts Caboose, we all stare at him, "My dad always said, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free."

The thoughts of trying to understand what he said were soon interrupted by Church who stood up and growled "Hey rookie," he walks closer to Caboose and looks into his eyes, "Did you just call my girlfriend a cow?"

"No I think he called her a slut," chuckles Tucker. I shake my head at him and he simply shrugs.

"I'll tell you what noob, I can sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long," growls Church. "But as it turns out, I got a lot more important job for you to do" much to the dismay of Caboose. "See, we got this general…"

"Right the general.." adds Tucker. "The general guy who uh...likes to come by and make random inspections on the base." 'Wait, what general?' I thought to myself.

"What I'm gonna have you do is, have you go into the base and watch the flag." Church then smiles evilly.

"Come on guys, cut him some slack," I start, "He was only saying what his dad said."

"To bad, he needs to be taught a lesson!" interrupts church, "Rookie get in there and guard the flag in case the general comes, he'll be the only one who doesn't look like us."

"Okay," grumbles Caboose.

"Just do it man," I place my hand onto his shoulder, "They are just giving you crap for being an FNG." He nods. I then call over to the guys "I'm gonna go grab my kit and run a maintenance check up on the tank in a minute." They nod as I run off to my room.

 _Linebreak_

So here I am walking to the tank with my tool kit and I see Caboose running past me with Church screaming "ROOKIE! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!"

Man this is gonna be a long day. When I finally reached the tank, Tucker was one the ground laughing and Church looked like he was about to go Super Sayan.

"How bad?" I asked not really caring as I climbed into the tank.

"I swear I'm going to kill him" growels Church.

"Hey guys" shouts Caboose "I just wanted to let you know that the general stopped by with his assistant and took the flag!"

Funny how my brain didn't register what Caboose had said until Church pointed it out, "YEAH WHATEVER ROOKIE!" he then turns back to us "...Wait a second, what did he say." We then turned and looked back to where the rookie was standing earlier all with similar thoughts in our heads. "Well shit."

 **Author's Note: Thanks for reading please tell me what you think and give me any constructive criticism you may feel. Yes there will be more OCs, don't worry only a few.**


	3. Combat Cherry

**Disclaimer: I don't actually own anything.**

Combat Cherry

So there we were, Blue team, we were all gathered on the roof of the base surrounding Caboose and Church was trying to comprehend what Caboose had just done.

"Let me get this straight, you gave this guy our flag?" Church growls.

Caboose innocently asks "Is that bad?"

Church at that moment looked like he was about to kill Caboose, "Bad? No that's not bad, next time he comes over why don't you just help him blow up the whole goddamn base!"

"To be fair, you didn't really specify who the "general" looked like, you also didn't tell him that the red soldiers are the enemy. He's new man comes on!" I argue.

Right when Church was about to come up with a retort, Tucker interrupts shouts "There! There he is!" and points to the right side of the canyon.

Church then picks up his rifle and points it in the direction Tucker is looking at, "Where…Oh yeah! I got him! He's sneaking around back by the cliff."

Tucker then mutters "He must be one smart son of a bitch."

"Oh shit…" murmurs Church, "Hey Tucker, look at his armour…it's red."

"Aw man! That means it's their sergeant!" groans Tucker.

"You know," I begin, "Red is also the same coloured armor that the recruits wear, I bet he is just confused since it's his first day and he got lost."

Church then responds "That's a bit farfetched, but that wouldn't explain how he got past our defences."

Then Caboose interrupts his train of thought with "You know he came into the back door, where you guys were standing."

"Well sergeant or not, he still got our flag! Let's take him out," states Tucker. We all agree and Church still believing it's the red sergeant then says "Say good night sarge," he then fires four times with his rifle. *BAM*, *BAM*, *BAM*, *BAM*…and he missed every shot.

All I could do is just stare at him while he curses and Tucker asks "You're really not good with that thing are you?"

While Church is giving Tucker the death stare I am still watching the guy who took our flag. I then respond with a hint of annoyance "And now he looks like he's taunting us…that's kind of embarrassing."

Church then turns and orders "Alright I have had it! Lockett, Rookie you stay here, Tucker and I will head through the teleporter and cut him off at the pass!"

Caboose and I acknowledge his orders while Tucker takes a step back and says "There is no way I'm going through that thing."

"Tucker we don't have time for this! Why would they give us a teleporter that doesn't work?" argues Church. "I don't know? Why would they give us a tank no one can drive?" Tucker counters, or at least tries to counter.

Church then responds with an annoyance in his voice "Tucker, that argument is invalid as Lockett knows how to drive the tank. Besides, we already tested the teleporter."

Tucker then shouts "We threw rocks through it!"

Church then throws a counter back with "Yeah, and so what? They came out the other side didn't they?"

Tucker then finishes with "They were all hot and covered with black stuff."

"It was probably soot." I corrected.

Church then incredulously asks "So you are afraid of soot? We'll just have Lockett fix it then he's our engineer."

I then inform them "That won't work my job is to fix cars, they didn't teach me how to fix things like the teleporter!"

Church finally fed up with Tucker, picks up an assault rifle and points it a Tucker, "Tucker I almost hate to do this to you." No there is no way he is going to do what I think he is planning.

"Church you can't just shoot other soldiers!" I shout trying to defend Tucker.

He glances at me and says "I can when they are being insubordinate."

He turns back and says "Tucker look at it this way, either A: we go through the teleporter and get our flag back, or B: we stay here I get to kill you. Either way I win."

Tucker finally says "For the record, I want you to know, rocks aren't people."

Church responded with "Noted, now get in there!" All I could do is just sit there and pray Tucker would be alright. Tucker curses, walks up to the teleporter, he was very uneasy, wouldn't you? We could all here the humming the machine as Tucker takes a deep breath and starts counting to three.

"One, two…" he never got to three as that was when he ran into the teleporter.

The three of us just sat there and waited for the solid 13 seconds in silence when Caboose finally says "Huh…He didn't come out the other side."

Church then decides "Yeah…I'm not going to use the teleporter." yeah no shit jackass. Church then jumps off from the base and starts running after the red soldier.

"Caboose I'm going gets the tank online you call me if anything comes up." and I make my way over to the tank.

 _Line break_

When I got to the tank, everything seemed normal. I powered on the engine and the Tanks Training Program activated.

It…She says "Hello and thank you for activating M808B Main Battle Tank! You may call me Sheila." I then respond with "Sheila, please give me a read out on the tank's current condition." "Affirmative, Maintenance check is now activating:

 _Main Turret: Functioning at 100%_

 _Capacity Primary Weapon System: Functioning at 100%_

 _Capacity Secondary Weapon System: Functioning at 100%_

 _Capacity Primary Ammunition Storage: at 100%_

 _Capacity Secondary Ammunition Storage: at 100%_

 _Capacity Engines: Functioning at 100% Capacity_

 _Hull Integrity: at 100% Capacity_

 _Track 1: at 100% Capacity_

 _Track 2: at 100% Capacity_

 _Track 3: at 100% Capacity_

 _Track 4: at 100% Capacity_

 _Driving Tutorial Program: Enabled_

 _Auto Pilot mode: Enabled_

 _Manual Override System: Enabled_

 _Auto Lock System: Enabled_

 _Friendly Fire Protocol: Disabled_ …

Maintenance check is now complete. Thank you for using the M808B Main Battle Tank. Awaiting further instruction."

I thought to myself _"huh that's funny, why would that be disabled."_ , before I could do anything my train of thought it interrupted by Caboose.

He cries over to me "Lockett come quick! Church and Tucker are in trouble!"

 _Line break_

"Damn, it looks like the red brought out their warthog to cover the guy who took the flag."

Caboose then worriedly asks "What do we do?"

"There's a reason I brought this with me" I pick up the rocket launcher and strap it to my back.

"Caboose you go and get the tank, I'm gonna go and disable the jeep."

From there I sprint off in the same direction Church was heading. I found a nice little hill that gave me a good look at the reds. Currently there were only two reds operating the warthog. The one in maroon armour was on the turret while the one in orange was standing there and watching. I turn the safety off the launcher, and I look down the scope. As an engineer, I put together enough cars to know that the difference in where you place the rocket will either disable the vehicle or outright destroy it. I'll be honest here, that warthog the reds had was actually pretty nice, and it would be a waste if it's just destroyed. I fire the rocket thinking this is just another day at the office. I may have done this a million times before, but sometimes…mistakes happen. I saw the rocket fly straight and true…right into the ground right behind the jeep. I swear time seemed to slow as both operators turned and looked me in the eyes before the turret turned and face me.

"Fuck." and then I fired again.

Both red soldiers saw it too and they dove off into random directions away from the jeep. The rocket hit the warthog directly in the back bumper launching it into the air from where the jeep perform a 360 and a full flip and landed on the boulders at the face of the cliff.

"Hey Lockett, was that you? Nice one with the rocket launcher!" shouts Church from the cliff where he and Tucker were hiding cough I mean taking cover. I simply throw them thumbs up before I start making me to the blown up jeep.

Me walking there with a rocket launcher made me feel like a badass. Too bad no one had a camera, would have been an awesome picture. Still, I can't shake this feeling that I forgot something...something important.

"Hey look!" Church seemed to cry with joy, "The rookie even brought the tank!" I turn around and the first thing I see is the tank no more than 20 feet away from me.

"Target locked, firing main cannon." and from that I dove out of the way before the tank blasted the jeep…again.

When I finally picked myself up, I shout angrily over to him "Caboose watch it!" He then apologizes but not before the tank's cannon starts aiming upwards.

"Target found."

"That's not a target, its Church!" laughs Caboose. Oh, so that's what I forgot, time to panic.

"Target locked!"

I screamed "Caboose turn it off!"

I could even hear Caboose decrepitly screaming "NO UNLOCK! UNLOCK!"

"Firing main cannon." *BOOM*

"SHIT!" and I take off running to where Church was standing.

"YOU SHOT CHURCH YOU TEAM KILLING FUCKTARD!" screamed Tucker. When I got to where they were, Church had a huge puddle of blood underneath him and Tucker was trying to keep him awake.

"Church stay with me man!"

Then I murmur "That's a shame, he just got promoted."

Church then wheezes "…Tucker…Tucker" he leans closer. "I'm not gonna make it. Tucker I just wanted you to know…I always hated you the most…" Wow, those are his last words?

"Yeah I know you did, now hurry up and die you prick." says Tucker.

"Ok…hugh…blah…" ok apparently those are his last words.

"Why is there's sniper rifle up by the cliff?" I ask aloud. Tucker seemed surprised at the revelation too.

I pick it up and Tucker complains "Why do you get it?"

I reassure him with "Don't worry I'll let you have it later."

 _Line Break_

"Acquiring new target. Target locked. Firing main cannon." *BOOM*

The shell hit the jeep against launching all the way into red base where it almost landed on the red soldiers.

"Why do you keep shooting the jeep" asked Tucker.

Caboose says "Because it's locked."

Tucker suggests "Then unlock it."

I angrily retort "The last time he unlocked it, he killed Church!"

He then whimpers "Oh, then keep shooting the jeep." I called him an idiot then proceed slap him across the head.

We all then hear a loud roar and Tucker asks me "What's that?"

I like look and shout with fear prevalent my voice "Enemy aircraft inbound!" I then proceed to shove Tucker and we star running back to the base. At that moment the jet releases a stream of anti-tank rounds in a line heading straight for the tank.

"CABOOSE BAILOUT NOW!" I screamed and in a panicky voice I could hear Caboose asking the tank to open the driver's hatch from where he started to sprint after us.

The tank was then blown up right as he jumped off the tank and hit the ground screaming "OH CRAP" with every step. We all had different reactions to the tank.

"OH SHIT! Not the tank!"

"SHHEEEIIILLAAA! NOOO!"

"What? No! Sheila! Sheila…wait, who is Sheila?"

Caboose who is sobbing at this point says "Sheila was the lady in the tank. She was my friend!"

Tucker shouts in joy, "OH DUDE! I knew you could pick up chicks in a tank!"

I then slap him on the head…again, "Idiot, His friend just died and that's the first thing on your mind?"

 **Author's Note: And so another chapter is done, thank you for reading.**


	4. Forewarning

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

"Dialogue" 'Thoughts' " _Radio Chatter_ "

Forewarning

" _This is Pvt. Tucker of Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha calling command, do you read me?"_ Tucker then looks over to me and says, "I'm not picking anything up."

"Here let me try. _This is Corporal Lockett of Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha calling command, do you read me_? Still got nothing, Tucker, you keep trying to raise them."

So, Caboose had shot and killed Church and our tank has been disabled. I really hope this doesn't go completely FUBAR. We had just gotten back to the base; Caboose is cleaning Tucker's armor of all the soot while I was checking out the total damage on the tank.

"There all done. That is the last of it your armor is clean," Caboose happily states as he takes a step back and places his hands on his hips to admire his job.

Then both me and Tucker's radios go off grabbing the attention of both me and Tucker's attention, the operator says, " _This is Blue Command, come in Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha._ " I give Tucker the go ahead to answer…probably shouldn't have.

" _Hello! Command! We need help!_ " answers Tucker.

" _Roger that Blood Gulch what is your request?_ "

" _I don't know what the technical military term is but we're pretty fucked up down here! We need men!_ " Wait…what did he say?

The radio operator incredulously responds, " _Dude, how long have you guys been down there?_ " Smooth Tucker, smooth.

Tucker then sputters back, "No, no, no, not like that! We need more men to help us."

"Seriously Tucker?" I ask with a deadpan look on my face.

"Shut up Lockett," he glares back as I answer the radio. " _Command this is Corporal Lockett are situation down here has gone FUBAR and we require immediate assistance._ "

" _Roger that, did you get the tank we sent?_ "

" _Oh that got blown up too,_ " answers Tucker.

The operator responds in a somewhat amused voice, " _Wow, sucks to be you._ "

Tucker and I share a glance before we simultaneously respond, " _We know._ "

" _The nearest Blue forces can be there in 16 days or me…_ "

" _16 days! That's almost two weeks, we'll be dead by then!_ " interrupts Tucker.

I hiss at him, "Tucker first, 2 weeks is 14 days, second, let him finish."

" _Or I can hire a nearby freelancer and get him there in a few hours._ "

Right as I was about to answer Caboose and Tucker both answer, "We'll take the shorter one!"

All I could do is sigh and shake my head. Tucker took noticed and asked what was wrong. I told him I'll tell him later.

" _Oh one more thing, I would like to report a casualty._ "

The operator sighs and asks, " _Alright who was it?_ "

" _It was Sgt. Church, he's been killed in action,_ " I decided to leave out the detail of Caboose killing him, I decided he shouldn't know about it.

" _Well in that case I guess the makes you next in line as the commanding officer of Blood Gulch._ "

I wasn't sure if he was serious or not.

" _I'm sorry, come again?_ "

" _Congratulations Sgt Lockett.! Oh and be sure to tell Pvt. Tucker he's been promoted to Cpl. as well._ " I just stood there still trying to comprehend just what happened before I responded with the first thing on my mind.

" _How soon can we expect a replacement for Sgt. Church?_ "

" _You can expect one tomorrow, oh and one more thing, you still have Sgt Church's body right?"_ Why would he want that?

" _Yeah, we do."_

" _You can just reuse those chevrons we gave him assuming they are still intact. Oh, and we'll contact Freelancer Tex and have him there asap._ " He then hangs up.

"What did he say?" Tucker asks who at that point had already shut off his radio so he didn't get the news of the promotion yet.

"I've been promoted to Sgt.," still holding deadpan look on my face.

"Nice bro."

"They also said you have been promoted to Cpl."

He then looks at me in disbelief to see if I'm playing some prank on him before throwing his arms into the air and triumphantly shouting, "WHOOOOOO! PROMOTED! PROMOTED!"

"Did he say anything else?"

I finally came back to Earth and turned to him, "They are sending Freelancer Tex, and we'll also be getting a replacement for Church who will be arriving tomorrow."

Caboose then says, "I hope he's going to be decent." That was something we all agreed on.

 _Line break_

"So we still have about 2 hours before our mercenary arrives," I say to the team, "because we lost Church, the sniper/recon position on our team is now open." I pick up the rifle and then proceed to shove it into Tucker's arms.

"Wait, what?"

"Tucker I want to see if you are actually any good," He nods.

"Okay, I took the liberty of setting of a shooting range with bottles at the end. Are you ready?"

He nods again, "Alright then get right to fire." He makes his way over to the shooting range and gets into the position to fire. "To work the scope, use the knob on the side to adjust the zoom."

"What about the button?" asks Tucker.

"The button is for the bullet path predictor, that'll tell you what how much you should lead or elevate a target. Usually you won't need to use that except for when you are dealing with long range sniping, I'm talking 900 meters and beyond. Okay take the safety off and shoot the bottles, don't feel rushed and take your time." Tucker then takes a deep breath and the fires… *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* He hit all four targets. He looks back at me and I give him thumbs up.

"Remember, sniping is all about being calm and patient, almost anything, even your own heart beat can throw off your aim. I'm sure you'll learn over time but for now, congratulations, you're now our team sniper." I pat him on the back.

"Dude I swear you know like everything, how is that?" he asks looking back to me.

"It's a long story, but the Spec. Ops. training I went through went into detail with subjects like this," I reply.

"What Spec Ops, like the freelancers?" he then asks.

I respond with annoyance in my, "No, not like them, and they don't really count."

"What is a freelancer anyway?" asks Caboose.

"Freelancers are independent soldiers, not Red or Blue," informs Tucker, "They are just guns for hire that would fight for whoever has the most money."

"Oh like a mercenary!" Caboose answers.

"Yeah or like your mom when the rents due," said Tucker.

"Not bad," I chuckle.

"Really, you didn't think it was too obvious?" ponders Tucker.

"No, it was funny," answers Caboose.

"Tuuuckeerrr…Tuuuckeerrr!" We then turn our heads to the direction of the voice and we see a transparent figure.

"Ah! Who the hell are you!" cries Tucker with fear evident in his voice.

The transparent figure then responds with his slightly annoying ghost voice which was really just him stretching his vowels, "I aaaam the ghooost of Chuuurch, and III've cooome baaack with a waaaarning!"

Without taking my eyes off of "Church" I ask, "Tucker, what are the chances that the reds drugged our water with hallucinogens?"

He responds with, "I don't think the reds are smart enough to do that."

"You're not Church! Church is blue, you're white!" laughs Caboose.

"Rookie, shut up! Have you ever even seen a blue ghost before?" shouts Church.

"Yep, that's definitely Church." I say.

Tucker then mumbles, "He certainly bitches like him." I had agree with this.

Church who either ignored him or didn't hear him grumbled to himself, "Now I gotta start all over again. Ahem… Tuuuckeerrr! Tuuuckeerrr! III've cooome baaack with a waaaarning!"

"Hey man can you stop with the voice?" I ask.

Caboose also adds, "Yeah it's kind of annoying."

Church lets out an exasperated sigh and says, "Fine. Here's the deal, I've come back from the dead to give you a warning about Tex. Don't let…"

Then Caboose interrupts Church, "What's the warning?"

"Shut Up for one second and I'll tell you!" Church roars out Caboose while he apologizes, "seriously man, I mean I am coming back from the great beyond. You think it's easy?"

I interject saying, "To be fair, we would have no idea as we have never had any contact with anyone from beyond the grave before this." All the guys seem to agree with me.

"Well it's not," Church replies, "I can't just pop in and out whenever I want. It takes a lot on concentration."

I then decided to try and piss him off, "If it takes so much concentration, why did you try to waste time by doing the long stretch voice thing?" Oh boy it worked, while Tucker and Caboose are snickering, Church just glared at me and told me to shut up before going back to his warning.

"Anyway, Rookie it's bad enough that you killed me to begin with but now I'm back and I can't even get a word in edgewise. One more interruption and I'm haunting your ass," Church warns. "Okay Tucker, you remember I told you that I was stationed on Sidewinder before they transferred me here to Blood Gulch right?"

"No."

"Isn't that the ice planet?" asks Caboose, Church nods. "Cool, what was it like?"

"Um it was cooold," Church seemed to stretch the last word there.

"It's an ice planet man, you can't really expect much," I tell him.

Then Tucker groans, "Will you get on with the story already?"

"Alright well, one day I was there everything was just like normal. I remember I was out on patrol with my partner Jimmy. That Jimmy was a good kid everyone liked him," started Church.

"Do you think I was a good kid Church?"

Church laughs and says, "Tucker don't get jealous man just listen to the story okay? Like I said, we guys were hanging around waiting for some action, bitching about the cold, Jimmy was telling me about this girlfriend he had at home, he told me about how he was going to marry her once he got back." Then Church leaned closer to eyes before he continued, "That was when Tex showed up…Pvt Micky was the first to go, we were halfway across the base when all of a sudden he just started screaming bloody murder."

We all didn't make a peep as Church told his sombre recollection, "The whole thing was over before it even started." Church started to slightly tear up as he got to the end, "Poor Jimmy was the last to go, Tex walked right up to him, pulled his skull out of his head and beat him to death with it."

"Wait, how do you beat someone to death with their own skull? It doesn't even seem physically possible," questions Tucker.

"That's exactly what Jimmy was screaming," said Church with an amazed look from the sceptical.

"It could be one of those nerve things like how a chicken can still run around sometime after its head's been chopped off," I offer.

Church then finishes his warning with, "Bottom line is, these Freelancers, they are bad news, and Tex is one of the worst."

Caboose then asks skeptically, "If he's such a bad ass why didn't he kill you?"

Church then shrugs and says, "Till this day I don't know why he didn't kill me. He could have killed me at any point, maybe it's because Tex and I have run into each other before."

All three of us then ask with surprise in our voices, "Where?"

Church then asks, "Um you remember that girl I had back home?" to which we of course all nod. "Well, let's just say that Tex is the real reason we never got married." He then looks at himself and then shouts at us, "Guys I'm fading fast and I don't know when I'll be back! Don't let Tex get involved here."

We then all respond at the same time with different but similar responses, "Alright."

"Okay."

"Got it."

"I mean it guys! No fighting, no scouting, nothing." He then fades away as he says "you'll regret it."

After a moment of silence Tucker then says, "So, Tex and Church were after the same girl."

I counter with, "Or Tex is his girl."

Tucker looks at me in disbelief and asks, "Why would someone date a girl who is a trained psycho killer?"

I shrug and say, "Some people are into that, not me but some people."

Then Caboose says, "Either way, I told you guys his girlfriend was a slut."

It was that moment I felt like we were being watched and I turned around with the guys following suit and then we see him. There he was standing there in his black armor just staring at us, but mostly Caboose…poor kid.

 **Author's note: Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. The chapters may go longer as the story continues.**


	5. Texas Holdem

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

Texas Holdem

Agent Texas has arrived at our base, and the first thing he does attempt to "discipline" him and took him to the roof of our base. I almost let him do it because of Cabooses mouth, but then I hear started hearing gunfire. I knew exactly where it was coming from and exactly who was doing it, so I ran to my room, grabbed my rocket launch, loaded it, and ran out of my room with it strapped to my back. What is the first thing I see? I see Caboose against a wall with Tex shooting all around him. Tucker is making an attempt to rescue Caboose but Tex isn't listening. The only thing he is listening too is Tucker explaining the situation.

"Agent Texas," I sternly called out "release Pvt Caboose!"

He without looking away from Caboose said "He's fine; I'm only shooting around him."

I then growl at him, at this point I'm getting a little pissed off but I don't care "Regardless, we don't use our fellow soldier as shooting practice!"

He turns and laughs at me even more, "Well Private…"

All three of us correct him with "Sargent."

"It doesn't matter, I'm a Freelancer I still outrank you. Besides, what can you do about it?"

Wow, he is really that arrogant. I at this point pull out my launcher flick the safety off and I aim it directly at Tex's chest and angrily growls "I am the commanding officer at this base, as such it is my job to maintain the safety and well-being of every member of this team and that includes you!" I now had his full attention, I'm not sure if this was such a good idea anymore. "It is also my job to eliminate anything or anyone that is also a threat to my men, and that ALSO includes YOU! ANGENT TEXAS! I AM ORDERING YOU TO STAND DOWN!" Out the corner of my eye I also see Tucker with is sidearm ready and aiming at Tex. Everyone at that point froze and for a good 10 seconds we just stood there in a standoff in dead silence.

Then finally, "Alright Sargent," he lowers his weapon and steps away from Caboose, "You win this time." Tucker and I then rush over to Caboose.

"You alright man?" I worriedly ask.

"He's scary." he whimpers out.

Then Tucker for some reason tries to start small talk with Tex…Why?

"So, I see you have the special force's black armor, were you apart of the Special Forces at some point?" Well no shit! All I could so is gape in awe at Tucker's attempt to talk with the guy who almost killed Caboose! "I had black armor too, but it was from all this black stuff I got by going through the teleporter." At least he clearly isn't listening, but that does bring up the question, what is he planning. I see him checking his ammo and loading his weapons, is he really planning on attacking the reds after being here for no more than 10 minutes?

"Oh you got to go? I'll talk to you later?" said Tucker as Tex ran by him and headed for the red base. I guess he really is going to attack the red base.

"I don't think he likes you." whispers Caboose.

Tucker finally exhales and says "Thanks." It seems he was holding his breath the whole time…I don't really blame him. "Wait!" Tucker calls out to Tex, "Where are you going?"

Tex turns back around and says "Red Base, kill everybody, get the flag back."

Caboose manages to stutter out "Oh, o-okay, we-we'll just stay here and guard, uh guard the um, transporter." Huh, it sounds like his voice gave out towards the end.

I grumbled aloud, "Good riddance." and it seemed Tucker and Caboose agreed with me as well. "I'm going to need a cup of coffee, black specifically" I turn the others, "you guys want any." I then start heading to the kitchen.

"I'll take black too!" calls out Tucker.

Caboose follows with "Black with two sugars please!" Man it's going to be a long day isn't it?

 _Line break_

"Man, he is really kicking their asses." Caboose calls out from behind is binoculars. Tucker is behind him with a disassembled sniper rifle.

"So your name is Lavernius? I've never heard that one before." I tell him.

"Yeah, it's a little rare, mostly black kids are named that." Informs Tucker.

"Well are you black?" I ask, and he nods. "Cool."

Caboose then lowers his binoculars and says, "I'm really glad Tex is on our team and not theirs."

Tucker then adds "Sure makes it easier for us." He then finishes assembling the rifle and just holds it in his arms."

"I think switching Tex for Church was a good trade." Caboose says thoughtfully.

"It certainly seems that you killing Church is working out for us now." Chuckles Tucker.

"Don't forget, he can also be bought out by the enemy team." I grumble, "That's why I hate mercenaries, you can never really trust them since their loyalty only goes as deep as your wallet. Tex in the base yet?"

Caboose picks the binoculars back up and says "Yeah," he glances back at us and says, "He's in."

All of a sudden we here a loud deep booming voice say "Blue Team flag returned!"

Tucker said basically what we were all thinking, "Who said that?"

Then Church appears behind us and says "Sorry, that was me…ahem…I got something stuck in my throat. You got your flag back by the way."

"Hey! It's Church!" Caboose shouts with joy.

"Yeah it's me, hey Caboose." greets Church.

"Hey Church!" I swear I could practically see Caboose's smile through his helmet. "What are you up too?"

Church then chuckles "Caboose, he he, I'm not really here to make small talk okay?" he then turns to us and in a more serious voice asks, "How did you guys manage to get your flag back?"

I said answered before anyone else, "How do you think?"

He then starts getting pissed and starts scolding us, "This is so typical! What was the one thing I told you guys the last time I appeared?"

I honestly decided to try and mess with him, "That Sidewinder is cold?" I'm pretty of looks could kill, Church would still be hitting everything but me. He then focus on Tucker, specifically, the gun in his arms.

"Tucker, why do you have my sniper rifle?"

Tucker doesn't answer, but I do "I gave it to him." He then gives me a WTF look and I simply roll my eyes or at least the helmet equivalent of it and reply "It's not like you're going to need it, you're a ghost, and even then, and you can't shoot for shit." While Church was attempting to give me a death glare, I'm not really worried since…you know…can't hit anything even at point blank range, I could hear Tucker and Caboose laughing in the background.

"Anyway," Church finally gets back on topic, "what was the one thing I told you guys the last time I appeared?"

Caboose answers "Don't let Tex get involved."

"And what did you guys do?"

"Clearly the exact opposite of what you told is to do." I answer honestly.

"Exactly," grumbles Church "and not just a little involved. How involved?"

"Very, very involved." Mumbles Caboose.

"It's not like we could really command him to follow our orders to the letter." I counter, "I am here to protect my team, not some hired gun who thinks he is better than us. Besides, even if I tried to stop him, do you think he would even listen?"

Surprisingly Church grumbles in agreement and then asks "Where is Tex anyway, shouldn't he be back yet." I motion for Tucker and Caboose to go and take a look, Tucker looks into his scope while Caboose looks into his binoculars.

"Yep, he's been captured." observes Caboose.

"Or dead." suggests Tucker.

Cabooses then suggests "Or captured and dead." Tucker looks over from his rifle and mouths 'What?'

Then Church throws his arms in the air and angrily shouts "Well that's just perfect!"

I smile and say, "I know right? Now we don't have to pay him!"

"What is your problem anyway Church?" asks Tucker. "I thought you hated Tex for stealing your girlfriends." To be honest I kind of want to know too, I mean there is no way my dumb theory was right. There is the slight possibility that I was right, and that would also prove how bad Church is at relationships, but I still don't actually think Tex is a…

"I never said I hated Tex," begins Church, he also interrupted my chain of thought, this better be good, "I just said the SHE was the reason we never got married!" Well I'll be damned.

 _Line break_

So Church explained to us pretty much what I thought happened when I came up with this theory. Tex is not just a girl, she also was the guy that massacred the Blues at Sidewinder, tried to beat up Caboose, and she is also Church's ex-girlfriend. Church was actually surprised when I told him about how I stopped her from hurting Caboose, he said I'm one of the few who successfully confronted Tex, and not only won, but also lived.

"I should have known," said caboose in an accusing tone, "she didn't like me. Girls NEVER like me."

Tucker fires back with "Caboose I don't think anybody likes you."

"That's not true," I counter "I kind of like him."

While Caboose smiles with pride, Tucker rolls his eyes…err helmet, and Church looks at me like I had just grown a second head, I look and at him and reply.

"Church I don't think you have a right to judge how I make friends, especially with who you decided was a good idea to date." His surprised look then turns to confusion while Tucker and Caboose laugh at him.

Tucker then gets back to the original topic and says "I don't think I have ever seen a girl that mean before." He then turns to Church and asks "Are you sure she's a chick and not a guy, or like part shark, or even part guy part shark?"

Church who seemed taken aback by the question answers "I am pretty sure I would have known if she was a guy, and I would have defiantly known if she was part shark."

"If she's a girl, why is she named Tex?" ponders Caboose.

"Uh, because she's form Texas." Church says matter-of-factly.

We all just stare at him a 'Really that's it?' look for like 3 seconds before he says "Trust me, it makes sense." He then says "You can't blame her for being so aggressive."

Tucker then says sarcastically, "Right, you should blame God, first he make hangovers, and then he makes half- girl-half-sharks that won't even sleep with me." He then turns and shouts at the sky, "THANKS FOR NOTHING GOD!"

Church then angrily says, "Will you shut up with that? She got recruited into some weird experimental program where they infused her armour with some really aggressive A.I., I'm not really sure how it all works but it made her meaner and tougher than Hell!"

"A.I., what does the A stand for?" asks Caboose.

"Artificial." answers Church.

"What does the I…"

"Intelligence."

"Oh! What's the A again?" I'm not really sure if Caboose was serious or not right there.

"Let's move on." suggests Church.

"So, the military put this program into her head and that program made her a killer," Church nods and Tucker continues, "but underneath it all she's really just a sweet down home girl?"

"Oh hell no!" laughs Church, "She's always been rotten bitch, but now she's a rotten bitch with cybernetic enhancements."

"Sounds like you really won the lottery with that one. Nice catch she's a real keeper." I murmur.

"So how are you doing Caboose?" Church turns his attention over to the slower member of our team, "You following any of this what-so-ever?"

Caboose answers. "I think so…" I was not prepared for his attempt to sum up what Church had said, "That guy Tex is really a robot, and you're his boyfriend, so that makes you a gay robot." When we heard that, Church was just overwhelmed by what he just heard and Tucker and I were rolling on the floor laughing.

"Yes," said church, you could feel the frustration in his voice, "I am a gay robot."

"So what do we do now that she's captured?" I ask.

"Don't worry," said Church "I have a plan to rescue Tex."

"Why does you telling us 'not to worry' actually makes me worried?"

Church rolls his helmet and says "Calm down guys, it's not that bad, just trust me."

I turn to Tucker and Caboose and say "We're screwed." and they lower their heads and nod in depressing agreement.

Church ignore what I said and told us "I just need you guys to run a distraction while I spring Tex."

"Distraction?" chirped Caboose, "That sounds a lot like decoy."

I tell him, "It's because it is." and he nods his head in understanding. We gather into a circle while Church tells us the plan.

"The way I see it, the Reds have absolutely no idea how many freelancers we have out here. All I need from the three of you is to run around in the middle of the canyon wearing black armour while I sneak into the back of the base." Something tells me I am not like how this plan goes, I mean, how are we going to get more black armour?

Like he is psychic, Tucker asks "That sounds good, but Church, where in the hell are we going to get two suits of black armour?" Please don't tell me… Church turns and faces the teleporter, then back to us, and he then points at the teleporter. Tucker then says exactly what's on my mind, "Oh fuck berries."

 _Line break_

So both me and Tucker go into the teleporter and both come out with are armour covered in soot. The process burned, but it honestly wasn't the worst feeling I have ever had, getting hit with plasma fire is much worse than this.

"You two ok?" asked Church.

We now and then Tucker looks back to base where Caboose was and shouts at him "COME ON CABOOSE!"

Caboose asks worriedly "DOES IT HURT?"

"NO NOT AT ALL!"

"OKAY! HERE I COME!"

"Does it hurt for real?" asks Church,

I answer "Not really." At the same time Tucker says "Oh yeah, big time." They look at me and I shrug and tell them it's not the worst thing I have felt. We then look over to where the exit to the teleporter is and out pops Caboose.

"OWchie!" cries Caboose, he then turns and looks at Tucker and says in a betrayed tone, "You lied to me."

I then shout "Alright guys let's move, follow me!" We started running to the left side of the red base. When we reach the boulder I was running to, I look over and I see a red with a sniper rifle aiming at us. "Ok guys stay down," I whisper, "we've been spotted; wait for Church's next step in his shitty half-baked plan." Just as I finished my order, our radios turn on and oh, look its Church. All because of an ex-girlfriend, such a dumb cliché.

" _Okay guys its working, the orange one is coming out of the base, I repeat, the orange on is coming out of the base."_

" _Roger that._ " I then turn to the guys and say, get ready, I know Church said we wouldn't have to fight, but I don't want to take any chances. They nod and flick the safety off their weapons. There we were, Blue Team, Caboose with his assault rifle, Tucker with his Sniper Rifle, and finally me with a rocket launcher.

"You know," starts Tucker, "I feel bad ass here with our guns and black armor."

I simply laugh and reply "The feeling is mutual Tucker." And soon all three of us share a laugh.

Then the radio goes off again and Caboose tries to talk to me while Church is giving out instructions, "Caboose SHH!.". I grab my radio, "What was that Church?"

" _I said…_ "

"You don't have to yell at me." Complains Caboose.

"Caboose I'm not yelling, can you wait a second, let me finish talking to Church first, I'll tell him you said hi later alright?"

"Oh…okay. Can I talk to him?"

Already frustrated Tucker says "No you can't talk to him, how could you possibly talk to him on Lockett's headset?"

"Alright we're advancing, Caboose move to that boulder to our left." Caboose runs out and then for some reason stops and stares at the boulder.

Tucker than yells at him "Caboose get behind the rock! They can still see you!"

Caboose then says "They can't see me, I can't see them."

Tucker shakes his head and shouts back "That's because you're facing the rock." Caboose then turns and faces the reds in realizations and then quickly scrambles behind the rock before they could start shooting. Tucker then mutters "Real smooth dip-shit." I give him the signal to advance and we make our way to Caboose. While all that is going, I am here trying to figure out why the reds haven't started shooting at us, I mean, we clearly are in shooting range. What is going on?

Then Caboose out of nowhere says to us "Tucker? Lockett? I'm having a really good time."

We both share a glance and Tucker lets out a sigh and says "That's great Caboose."

"Yeah!" Caboose happily replies, I'm starting to see a pattern in his personality. "It's like we're real soldiers!"

Tucker then turns to me and asks, "Do we really have to hide under the same rock?"

I simply respond "You are feeling to move somewhere else, just try not to get shot." It was kind of funny how quick that shut him up.

Caboose than asks "Can I borrow you rifle Tucker?"

He looks at me and shrug, he then nervously hands him the rifle and asks, "Why?"

"One of the reds has Tex," Caboose aims down the scope, "I'm going to shoot him, and kill him, and free Tex!" I swear he said that way too happily. "Then Church will forgive me for killing him."

Tucker gives me another glance to which I shrug again, "Oh come on!" Tucker faces Caboose, "You don't actually believe any of that do you?"

Caboose pulls a the bolt of the rifle back and says "Oh, we're going to be best friends." BAM! Caboose fires and hits the red soldier right in the head, as the body fall down we can see Church's ghost hovering over it. He looks down at himself, he seemed confused to why he was a ghost. Then he looks over to us and sees Caboose holding the rifle.

He then screams "OH YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!"

Caboose in an act of desperation yells "TUCKER DID IT!" Our only reaction was to stare at Caboose.

 _Line break_

We had finally gotten back to base with Tex and now we were cleaning our armour, by we, I really mean just me and Caboose, we had gotten the soot off of the armour of me Tucker, but were having a little trouble with Caboose's.

"*gasp*…*wheeze*…Man…*cough*...That stuff does not come off easily. *gasp*"

Tucker looks at Caboose and then says, "I know, it was much easier when we were cleaning my armour."

I scold him saying "That's because you didn't do anything Tucker." I then bring out a bucket filled with water and car soap, a hose, and some washing mitts. "Here, use soap Tucker." Tucker grumbles, grabs one of the mitts and immediately starts scrubbing, the soot then magically starts to disappear, OMG, its MAGIC!

I turn to both of them and say nonchalantly "Next time, use soap." and then I hose down Caboose.

"Um hello?"

We all turn and who do we see, a soldier wearing Blue armour like Caboose's and like mine was before I spray painted it cobalt. Then all three of us hit a realization, 'The replacement.'

"I'm…uh looking for Sgt Lockett?"

"That's me." I step foreward, "Welcome to Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha." I then point to Tucker and Caboose, "The one in blue armour is Caboose and the one in aqua armour is Cpl Tucker my second in command. What's your name?"

"I'm Pvt Katie Fergo, your new radio telephone operator sir!" she then strikes a salute.

"Caboose show her to her room I need to have a word with Tucker." When Caboose leaves with Fergo, I lean in and in a soft voice so no one would hear us "Tucker, I need you to do me a favour." He nods, "I noticed the way you were looking at her…"

"So?"

"I just don't want her first experience of this outpost to be you relentlessly hitting on her." I answer simply.

He stand straighter when the realization dawns on him and I continue, "Don't treat her like you did when Caboose first got here. I need you to actually look after her, and make an ass of yourself to her can you do that?"

"Yeah I can do that."

"I'm counting on you Tucker, don't fuck this up, I don't want her hating this place on the first day." I tell him, I'm not sure if I can really control him but, I think it's worth a shot.

"We're back Lockett!" shouts Caboose I nod at them.

"Okay Fergo, if you need any help or have any questions, just ask either me or Cpl Tucker, we'll do our best to help you. Now come on, I'll introduce you to the rest of the team." I don't think I realized the bond I had just personally created but, I think in time I grew to realize what I had done, right now the only thing I could think of was how to explain to Church what has happened while he was dead…guess I'll just have to wing it. "Also one more thing Fergo, weird things tend to happen in this canyon, it's best not to try and question them." She may of looked confused now but something tells me she'll figure it out.

As soon as me and my group walked up to where Church and Tex were I heard Tex say "As far as I'm concerned, I'm square with you."

Church trying understand what Tex had mint asked, "Square with you? I just saved you from the life imprisonment, how the hell are you square with me?"

"Because I didn't kill you back at Sidewinder."

"I don't really see how not killing me is the same thing as doing them a favour."

Then Tex snidely remarks "Well if you don't appreciate it, I can just kill you right now."

Church than laughs and says "No you can't! I'm already dead bitch! I guess the jokes on you!"

Fergo then asks me, "Is this what you mean by weird stuff Sarge?" At that moment, both Church and Tex's eyes were on the rookie, there were eyeing her like a hawk eyes prey.

Tex asks "Whose the girl?"

Church adds "Why did she call you sarge?" They then turned their attention to me.

Fergo looked around confused about what was going on while Tucker and Caboose give me looks of sympathy as I attempt to explain myself.

"Let me get this straight." Church starts to grow angrier by the second, "first you give Tucker my rifle, then command promotes you and makes you Blue leader, and then they send someone to REPLACE me!" Tex seems to watch on in amusement. "What's next, Tucker got promoted too?" I share a glance with Tucker before looking back at Church, "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME! HOW COULD THEY PICK YOU IDIOTS OVER ME! FIRST THEY HAND THE TEAM OVER TO YOU, A FUCKING SEX ADDICT, AND A FUCKING RETARD! NOW THEY SEND SOME DUMB ASS GIRL TO REPLACE ME!"

I at that point had had enough, NO ONE FUCKS WITH MY MEN! I walk up to him and look straight into Church's eyes. You see I'm a tall guy at 6.2 meaning I almost tower over everyone at the base. Church looked like he was about to piss himself, but this only going to get worse. "No wonder there were only two guys left when Caboose and I first got here, you probably got everyone killed.! You can say anything you want to me, but let me make one thing clear…DO! NOT! FUCK! WITH! MY! MEN! I don't care what your problem is, but you do not get to waltz in here after you DIED and try to take over! You combined with your incompetence combined with your superiority complex makes you one of the worst officers I have ever met!"

"Don't c-call me t-that." stutters Church.

"Call you what? Incompetent? Let me try and use something else then, how about stupid, retarded? News flash, they all mean the same thing you stupid piece of shit. You can't even shoot a gun and hit something t point blank range why would I trust you with leading us? I bet you're the kind of guy that would call a Danger-Close artillery strike on your own men just to win medals! I even bet you're the kind of guy that would leave behind a supply truck full of ammo, food, and explosives just because you didn't want to waste time! In fact, you are exactly like the FUCKING RETARDED ASS GENERAL WHO COURT MARSHALLED ME AND GOT ME SENT TO THIS SHIT HOLE TO BEGIN WITH! AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN A REAL OFFICER! NO, YOU'RE A FUCKING SARGENT, A FUCKING NON COMISIONED OFFICER (NCO)!" By the time I finished with my rant, I glance over to the guys, Tex had a look of amusement on her while Tucker is staring at me surprised that I could get this angry. I'm normally a calm guy, but two of the things I hate the most are superiority complexes and incompetent people in power, Church was both of them. Caboose and Fergo were quivering, but they weren't quivering as much as Church was, Church looked like he was a balloon getting slowly deflated. Everything was dead silent for a good 10 seconds before Tex finally spoke up.

She stepped foreward and said "It looks like you really guys went through a lot to come and get me, here let try and help."

I look over to here and say "Well, our tank was taken out a while ago, I've been meaning to fix it, but I've…busy." I motion to the rest of the guys to which she seemed to understand.

She asks "So you need help fixing it?"

"It would make the work go by quicker." and she nods and then walks off with Church towards the tank.

Caboose then runs over and says "Wait you guys can fix Sheila? You know how to fix Sheila? I love you!" I swear I could see hearts in his eyes/helmet

Tucker after being silent for so long and asks in what sounded like awe "Dude, you got court marshalled?"

I sigh and nod, "You guys won't judge me because of that will you?"

Tucker laughs and says "Dude that just makes you seem more bad ass, besides, I trust you in leading us. I wouldn't trust Church to shoot a nerf gun." Caboose of course says happily no, it's funny how Caboose is normally slow, but this time he seemed to understand everything that was going on.

Fergo shakes her head and says, "Honestly, judging by how nice you were when I first came here, you really didn't seem that bad of a guy. Why did you get court marshalled, like I said you don't really seem that bad?"

"I'll tell you guy's later, for now, lets just say its got something to do with incompetent officers." I smile and they all nod. We then start heading for the blown-out tank. Funny how Fergo has only been here an hour and I already like her more than Church. My time here seems so crazy yet to normal, how strange.

 **Author's Note: Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed, and be sure to write down all your concerns, questions, and criticism, it would really help, maybe not for this chapter, but for future chapters. Feel free to leave any suggestions too.**


	6. Counter Strike Tex Offensive

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, everything is owned by Microsoft and Rooster Teeth, except for my OCs, those are mine.**

Counter Strike Tex Offensive

Here we are at the blown out tank, I'm working on getting the turret and cannon functional while she is working on getting the engine working again. While Tex and I are fixing the tank with The Caged Elephant's _Ain't no Rest For the Wicked_ blaring through my radio, Church is on the cliff overlooking the Red Base while the rest of the guys were just waiting around. Tucker decided to try and ask Tex some questions. He stopped when he used "killing Caboose as an example" and Tex asked how much Tucker would pay for Caboose's death. I know Tucker would never actually do it but seriously that wasn't cool. Then all of a sudden Church comes over to the edge and shouts at Tucker.

"Hey Tucker!"

"What!"

"What the hell is my body still doing up here?"

Tucker responds "That's the point of being dead Church, your body doesn't move around much anymore, maybe you haven't fully grasped the concept yet."

Church then responds "Then let me rephrase that: Why the hell haven't you buried my body?"

Tucker incredulously asks "All we have are pistols rifles, what am I supposed to do, shoot you a grave?"

"You know we have shovels back at the base right?" I whisper and he waves at me trying to silence me, I simply shrug.

Church then angrily responds "Then how about shipping my back home? Let the loved ones pay a little respect!"

"Well Church, here's your girlfriend." He turns to Tex and asks "Tex as one of Church's loved ones, would you like to pay your respects?" Tex glances at Tucker for a second before turning back and fixing the tank.

Tucker then sarcastically says back to Church, "That was a stirring eulogy, rest in peace good buddy!"

 _Line b_ reak

For, the past 10 minutes there has been nothing but awkward silence between me and Church, I don't really. He is either scared of me, or too pissed to talk to me, after the beating I've gave to his ego, I don't blame him...hell he's probably both mad and afraid.

Tex speaks to me breaking me out of my train of thought and moment of silence, "You know, I've never seen anyone put Church in his place like that...well, except for me of course."

I tell her, "It's not a part of me I like to show."

She then continues, "You know, what I don't get is how a soldier with your capability ends up in a backwater planet like this."

I tilt my head slightly towards her and ask "You read my file I take it?" I see her nod before she continues.

"I know, but what gets me confused are the things that got you sent here, I've seen people do much worse and get off almost scot free, even with the punch...though to be fair I would have given that general a whole lot more than a punch." At this point Tex has stopped working and now has her attention on me.

I correct her, "That punch only happened because I lost the trial."

Tex rolls her helmet and goes on, "Still, you got demoted from a 2nd Lieutenant down to a Corporal, then you got court martialed and actually temporarily imprisoned before getting sent here."

"That general had a vendetta against me," I turn to her, "He was the commanding officer of my company back in basic training way back when I was only a 1st sergeant." Tex then does the helmet equivalent of raising an eyebrow.

"He was only a captain at that time, but I think the only reason he was an officer at all was because he was one of those arrogant rich jerks from one of those fancy colleges, Yale I think."

"Oh no…" groans Tex, "not one of those."

I laugh and then continue, "He was also a shitty leader, he would lose it under pressure and do things like lead us into an ambush, or he would get lost from reading a map." Tex laughs at my past misery.

She then asks "How'd you get rid of him?"

"Well, me and the other NCOs formed a mutiny and wrote out resignation letters to our company commander."

Tex then seems amazed by our audacity "What happened next?"

"The general was pissed I'll tell you that, he kicked one of the NCOs out of our company and demoted another down to private. I still think we got off easy, anyway, in the end the general transfered the crappy captain out of our company so I don't regret a thing."

I then look to her and ask, "How about you? Any interesting stories?"

She shakes her head and says "No, I may be a woman but I'm not that complicated." We both laugh at the joke but I think she knew I could tell that she was lying.

"Regardless, I would like to know the story of you and Church from your perspective."

She then sighs and says "There's not the much to it." She then tilts here in the direction where Church was.

"How you see us interact with each other pretty much describes our relationship." She then turns back towards me.

"You know I wasn't always a 'bitch' as Church often says," I nod. "I was actually a nice person once,..err...nicer. Church was at first a little bit better as a person in the beginning too, but over time, he eventually just started growing and ego and it just started going downhill. When we started noticing our faults, I guess we went about all the wrong ways in trying to keep our relationship from falling apart."

"I take it that you?" both were unhappy with each other, even unfaithful, but yet you still felt this need to be together?" She nods.

"Yeah actually." she seemed surprise at how close I was to her reality, "All those times I cheated on him, those other times I broke up with him, and yet I still felt I needed him, and he seemed to feel the same way."

"Look I may seem like I talk from a lot of experience," I get up, " but that's not true at all, I have never actually been in a relationship." She just seemed to stare at me in disbelief.

"I instead gathered what experiences my friends went through and combined it with my understanding of how human emotions worked."

"Wouldn't that just backfire since you're only going off of assumptions?" she asks.

"I guess I'm one of the few cases that managed to make it work, plus a lot of what you take from how you life your life can also be applied to things like relationships." I simply explain to her before adding, "Either that or my friends jammed all the advice they could make sure I didn't fail like they did." to which she laughed and noded in understanding.

"I got to go tell the guys our progress." I start for the cliff but stopped and turned to Tex "Oh and one more thing; if you really that you love Church and he equally loves you back and you are both 100% sure, then you can try to make it work...again. If however you have any shred of doubt and you think you'd be better off with another..." I shrug and say "Who knows, you might, but here's the thing; you won't know if you never try." I then walk away feeling had gotten my point across.

 _Line break_

As walk up the cliff I see everyone gathering around Church's body.

"I am not happy about this." states Church.

Caboose then says "I have an idea! If you possessed that red guy and took control of him, why don't you posses your own body?"

Church then calming responds to Caboose in a condescending manner, "Oh I see, that why I would be living inside my own dead body."

"Yes!" poor Caboose, doesn't even know when Church is going to insult him. Don't worry I'm gonna bail him out.

"Unable to move. Just lying there rotting in the sun for all eternity."

"Yes."

Church says flatly say church"Okay Caboose, I'll be sure to get right on that."

Then out of nowhere Fergo snorts "Certainly would be an improvement."

"Nice one!" compliments Tucker while I stare on in surprise and Church glares at Fergo.

Then cringes and says "Dude you really stink."

Thinking he was being insulted again Church angrily shouts "What?"

Fergo then points at the corpse and says, "Your body, it stinks!"

"The first chance you get you and Tucker are going to bury my body!"

Tucker then laughs and says "Quit your bitching, nothing is going to happen to it."

"IT'S A FREAKING INDIGNITY!" screams Church.

I then mutter "I'm pretty sure you lost most of your dignity a while ago."

He ignores me and continues "My body fought hard for this army and it deserves to be laid to rest!"

I snort "Fight is a strong word." He SPUTTERED! LOL!

Tucker then says "Get over it, you're already dead. What's the worst that could happen now?" I wish he didn't ask that.

Caboose cries with joy "Hey look Church! Birds!"

He points upward but then asks "Why are they flying in circles?"

I simply tell him "Those are vultures Caboose!"

"Oh!...oh…" Caboose then understands what's going on.

Church face palms and says "Oh god!". Quickly changing the subject, Church turns to me and asks. More like stutters "H-How long until she...uh, fixes the tank." Yeah he is reiling from the effects of getting his ego squashed.

I reply, "Oh, I got the turret working so I'd give it another 5 minutes minimum before she can get it moving again."

"That's just fantastic!" grumbles Church.

"Why does that affect you?" asks Fergo.

He replies "Cause as soon as she gets the tank one line…"

"She's gonna kill all the reds and leave and you wanna try getting that A.I out of her head." I finish and he nods.

"A.I…."

Church stops Caboose before he could finish the sentence "Shut up Caboose. If I don't get it out of her before she leaves…"

"You'll never find her again." finishes Tucker. He then asks "What do you plan on doing?"

Please don't tell me he's going to try that…"I'm gonna do the only thing I can do Tucker. I have warn the Reds before Tex finishes fixing the tank."

Feeling betrayed Tucker asks "You're switching sides?"

Then I ask a more logical question, "What makes you think that the Reds are smart enough to actually heed your warning?"

Church I guess answers both our questions "Sorry guys, I don't have much choice."

"Um Church?" asks Caboose, "Uh… W-What happens when the reds come out here to um, stop Tex, and they um come with guns and find us?" That is a good question, but before I can ask Church wishes us luck and leaves us with a promise to help as much as he can.

Not looking away from where Church once was, I say "I don't think he took into account the probability of us killing all the Reds."

"Does this mean I should try and kill Church?" asks Caboose.

Tucker then says "Tell you what, kill me, I promise I won't come back." I can't tell if he's serious or not.

I then shake my head, turn to them and say "Tucker shut up, Caboose you would need an exorcist to kill Church, or at least get rid of him."

"My uncle is an exorcist." Fergo claims. We all just stare at her before she realizes what she just said.

"Or so he claims!" She then puts her hand on her chin to ponder, "Then again, he was kind of crazy…"

 _5 minutes later._

Tucker and Caboose are monitoring the Red's positions with a sniper rifle and a pair of binoculars and I am running some pre-fire checks on my rocket launcher. Tucker then puts down his rifle to drink from his canteen but stops and looks at Fergo playing with her radio.

"Hey ,Fergo." She looks up and he hands her the canteen.

"Oh no Tucker I'm fine."

He then tries again and says "Hey you know what they teach you in basic: "Dehydration is a soldier's worst nightmare."." She then takes the canteen and drinks out of it, but not before taking off her helmet. This is the first time we have actually seen her without it, she had pale skin, chestnut colored hair with a strip up indigo in it tied into a bun with a few strands that came down around her eyes, but what stood out the most were her eyes that seemed to always be studying what they were staring at. They seemed to be studying the canteen at the moment, I'm pretty sure it isn't drugged, otherwise...maybe it's best I don't go into detail about what I'll do...probably cause all I could think of doing is shooting him in the foot and digging it out without morphine...kinda generic. Anyway, after Fergo drank her fill, she put her helmet back and handed the canteen back to Tucker who just nods. Tucker then looks back to me, I guess he wanted to know if I approved of his actions, (I did), I simply give him a thumbs up. Tucker then laughably does a fist pump, well I thought it was funny at least.

"Oh my god!" says Caboose grabbing our attention. "Look at this!" Tucker then picks up his rifle, I use the scope on my launcher and Caboose hands the binoculars to Fergo.

"They have a girl!" he says excitedly. "They got a girl!"

"A what?" asks Tucker.

"A GIRL! A GIRL!" Caboose shouts excitedly. While Caboose is jumping with joy with his discovery, the rest of us are solely focussed on where Caboose was pointing. Then I see, her, standing there next toe warthog in bright PINK armor.

"Well I'll be damned." I mutter.

"Why can't we have a girl?" whines Tucker, but he then looks over to Fergo and says, "I mean other than you."

"No I get what you mean." she says without looking away but she does jerk he head towards Tex to amplify her meaning.,

Tex then, because I guess she was listening, said "Uh...You guys realize I'm a chick right?" Braking all of us out of our original thoughts. "And that I'm standing right here?"

Tucker then says "Yes Tex, but when we say girl…"

"We mean a "girl" girl." finishes Fergo.

"And what the hell does the mean?"

We all stand there in silence for a second before all four of us quickly say "Nothing!" and rush away from the ledge, no one wants an angry Tex...err...angrier, not even me.

"Though something does bother me about this." We then look over at her wondering what she means.

"She seems less curvy but from here I can't really tell. What do you guys think?" she looks over to us.

Tucker looks and the responds "Oh yeah I see it too." I also nod.

Then I get this idea, "What if it's really a guy?" I chuckle.

Tucker shrugs and says "Then the poor guy just made himself the center of the canyon's gay jokes, especially if he denies it." There is a full 3 seconds of silence before we burst our laughing.

"Wait a second," says Tucker, plowing his rifle and looking at us, to which we look back, "If Tex heard that, do you think she heard Church's plan to warn the Reds?"

"If she did then Church is fucked." and they all seem to agree with me.

Caboose then says "Here let me check." and he walks over to the ledge and before we can stop him…

"HEY TEX!" She turns and faces him and we just watch. "Uh...Did you hear Church's "secret" plan to tell the reads that, you are fixing the tank?" She just turns around and keeps working on the tank. I at the point facepalm, she may not feel threatened or even really care but still. Wow Caboose.

Caboose then turns back to us and says "I don't think she knows."

Fergo just stares at him in awe and Tucker just says, "Smooth."

 _Line break._

"Shit, Tucker radio Church, she's almost done fixing the tank." I say to them.

"Oh! Oh! Lockett please!" Cabooses jumps and raises his hands.

"Yes you can be the one who radios Church." I tell him and he squeals and says thank you, sometimes Caboose's child like behavior makes me smile. I then turn over to Fergo who has hooked up our radios to contact anyone in the canyon, even the Reds since Church will be possessing people. "Is it up?"

She nods and I give Caboose the go ahead, " _Calling Church. Come in Church. This is your close personal friend Private O'Malley."_ Wait who?

Tucker who also took notice says, "O'Malley? You said you name was Caboose." Yeah he did.

"I never said that you guys did!" he shouts back, with a little anger for some reason...that's odd.

Tucker then asks "Why didn't you correct us?"

"Because I didn't want to be difficult." He then turns away and tries to call Church again. Tucker and Fergo give me a confused glance I symply the words later and the quickly nod. Something is off about Caboose, but I can't deal with it right now at this moment.

" _Come in Sgt Church, do you copy? Soldier unit Tex almost has the armored vehicle situation rectified. We require verification of your mission...ness._ " Okay, 1: Caboose never talks like that, especially to Church, 2: I don't think I have ever heard soldiers talk like that on the radio, the combat robots maybe. " _How is your progression?_ "

Church then responds in a stream of...Spanish? " _¡Caboose! ¡Nadie aquí está escuchando mí! ¡No más puedo hablar español!_ " ( **Caption:** Caboose! No one here is listening to me! I can only speak Spanish for some reason!") WTF?!

Caboose just turns to us Tucker and says, "He says he wants to talk to you."

Then all of a sudden "Thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank."

"That's not good" mutters Tucker.

"Guys I think we should get down." I suggest and they all do as I say...It feels great to lead guys who trust you!

Then there is a loud BOOM! Followed by "SON OF A BITCH!" followed by another one, and I guess one that's in spanish, going through my head is 'Shit the assaults started!'

"Man Church is really getting mad at us." said Tucker as he looks through his rifle.

"Well that's a nice change in pace." I mutter.

"Oh look." says Tucker, "Here comes the jeep." BOOM! "And there it goes. Man these guys can run fast!" He then adjusts his rifle and then says, "Hey guys check this out!"

We all look through whatever scopes and lenses we had and what did we see? We saw the guy/girl/person-man..whatever...it run up to the edge of the base scream "HEY BITCH REMEMBER ME! I SAVED SOMETHING FOR YA!" He then proceeds to throw a plasma grenade across the map.

The only line uttered was Tucker who said "That girl has a really good arm." We then just sat there and watch in awe with our heads tracking the grenade as it flies and then lands, right on the fully exposed driver canopy of our tank, guess I forgot to mention that detail, man were the guys who gave us this tank cheap..

"AW CRAP!" BOOM!

"HELL YEAH! THREE POINTS YOU DIRTY WHORE!" The "dirty whore" from the pink guy seemed to echo for a bit...weird that it was just that part in the line out of all the stuff he screamed. Yeah I'm fully convinced that it's a guy now based on how deep the voice was. Doesn't mean I'll tell the other guys, I'll let them find out on their own. What I do say though is...

"Aw man, I just fixed that." I gloomy mutter while the guys look at me with sympathy.

Then my attention yet again is grabbed by the Reds robot screaming " ¡Dios mío, no!" He then proceed to run for the tank screaming repeatedly "¡Tejas, Tejas!"

"I guess that's Church." says Fergo and we all just nod as we watch him run.

Church finally reaches the tank he cradles Tex's in his arms. She asks "Church is that you?" then reaches up and cups her hand around his cheek and says, "It's gone Church. The A.I. is gone. Thank you." Her hand then falls from Churches cheek and her breathing slows, Church bends over and pulls her into a hug and he starts crying while cradling her.

"Guys, lets get her back to base and give her a proper funeral." I turn to them, "Church deserves that much." They all agree and Tucker turns to Caboose who is leaning on the wall facing away from us.

"Hey Caboose, let's get back to base."

"I told you man name isn't Caboose." We turn and face him, if we were surprised now, not as much as we were going to be. He turns to us, his voice takes a sudden drop in octaves and he growls, "My name...is...O'Malley."

 **Author's note: I did try in this chapter to give Tex a little more dialouge that what she had in the original show before she died, I'm not sure what I was trying to accomplish except find a way to get in Lockett's back story while making Tex seem more human. Let me know what you think of that. There was also a moment in this chapter that I took straight out of a very popular mini-series. Props if you know what I was referencing and even more props if you've seen it. Thank you for reading, I hope you've enjoyed.**


	7. Worst Health Insurance Ever

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

Worst Health Insurance Ever

I walk right next to Church who is on the roof of the base looking out across the canyon.

"Hey Church."

He turns to me and says "Hey Lockett."

"You've been up here since morning," It's afternoon now, "You should take a break."

"No thanks I'm good." I was about to leave but something told me to try and help him, so I did.

"You alright?"

He looks confused to why I would care, I simply tell him, "It's my job to make sure all my men are functioning at 100% capacity, even you Church."

There is a moment in silence and then I hear sigh before I continue, "I'm sorry about what happened to Tex."

"Allison, her name was Allison. You know, when I said I wanted to get rid of the A.I., I didn't want her to die in the process, it's all my…" Oh no, I will die before I have one of my men go down this road, even if it is Church.

"Church look at me," He turns, "Trust me, I have seen it all and what happened back there, it's not your fault, not even close. You just have to accept it and move on. I knew Allison enough that she wouldn't have wanted you like this."

"Well she might have." smirks Church. 'Now there's is the old Church.' I thought.

He then turns to me and asks, "Have you ever lost someone like that before?"

I exhale and try think off the top of my head, "Well, I have lost people, maybe not as close as you and Tex were but we were close. Nothing like what you're going through."

Church then asks, "If you don't mind, who were they?"

"No I don't mind, it was years ago," I bring out an old memory of back when I was in the army, "There was this one battle the required us to go into a place like Sydewynder, we were there to try and blunt an enemy counter attack." I soon grab his complete attention, not that I didn't have it before, "We were stuck there from December, all the way through January." It was a painful memory, but I need one that Church would relate to, it will do, "My entire company for two months were stuck in fox hole in the freezing snow with the trees constantly exploding from enemy artillery. We went in there with 121 men plus 24 replacements, that's 145 men, we left with 63." I turn my head and look out in the same direction as Church, "I remember, I was at their side watching them die, some were literally just kids while others I've been friends with for years." I take off my helmet, pull out a pack of cigarettes, I guess I was right to bring these along, I pick one up and light it.

He turns to me in surprise and asks me "You smoke?"

"I know," I smile, "Very stereotypical," I wave the pack in front of him, "but yeah I do, not often but every now and then." We both share a laugh.

"Can we keep her real name just between us, I don't want the other guys knowing?" I simply nod in understanding.

"If you ever need anyone to talk to, let me know," I tell him before turning and walking back into the base, "Oh by the way," I turn back and say to him, he turns and looks at me, "don't miss dinner tonight, it's pumpkin pie."

He smiles and says "Thanks man."

"Anytime Church."

 _Time skip_

It's been awhile since Tex died, I have fixed the tank...again..all except for one part.

"Sheila." sobs Caboose as I cradle him and attempt to comfort him. I swear my job is turning more into a babysitter than an actual military leader.

In other news, the relationship between me and Church has started to repair, he has even gotten over Tucker having the sniper rifle! He said that he could at least hit something with an assault rifle. One more thing to add, Tucker and Fergo seem to be getting closer, so I say things are starting to looks up, to bad I couldn't see how much crazier they would get.

 _Line break_

It was a bright and sunny day...who am I kidding, the sun NEVER fucking sets around here, it would night for all I know! Anyway, we are gathered around the top of the base, Fergo is reading comics and I'm simply daydreaming...What? I deserve being lazy!. I still have yet to figure out how to fix Caboose, he still has these mood swings, mostly targeted around Tucke...poor Tucker. They have gotten so frequent, Caboose and Tucker are arguing it with Church right now. Just so you know, he tried telling me before, but I told him just to wait and see, so I guess he thinks Church will do something.

"Hey Church we have a problem." starts Tucker.

"I am not your mother! So don't come tatling to me every time one of you does something the other doesn't like!" LOL

"I'm telling you he's crazy! He keeps threatening me and talking in a scary voice!" complains Tucker.

"No I didn't!" denies Caboose.

"Oh! So you didn't threaten to cut off my head and give it to Church as a birthday present?" Tucker sarcastically asks.

"You know. I think you're taking my words a little out of context." Caboose growls.

"What context?" Tucker questions back.

"Why didn't you ask Lockett about this?" asks Church.

"He said it's just a mood swing and blamed it on puberty." replies Fergo not even looking up from her comic book.

"Well don't come to me then!" Church shouts at both of them. "Listen guys, this competition thing has got to stop okay. Just because Lockett decides not to give you guys enough attention," kinda false claim but okay, "doesn't mean you can come to me! I thought we established by now…"

"Excuse me." Hm I wonder who that was, then I sit up in realization in what I heard and Fergo's comic slides out of her hands revealing her face with eyes as big as tennis balls.

What does Church do? He without turning says "Hey pal, one second okay? I'm in the middle of something here." He then continues back with his original rant. "I thought he had established by now, I don't like either of you okay? So competing for my attention won't do you any good. If Lockett doesn't want to deal with you, don't come to me!"

"Excuse me!" the guy in purple armor calls again.

Church then regains composure before turning to the new guy and saying politely and calmly, "Yes hello. Who are you?"

"Don't ever be along!" hisses Caboose and Tucker just stares at him.

He turns to me and says "He's doing that thing again." I could only shrug, what am I supposed to do.

"If he's not physically hurting you then I can't legally do anything Tucker, I'm sorry." I simply tell him.

The new guy then says, "My name is DuFresne. Uh, are you Sgt Lockett?"

"No, I'm Church." he then turns to introduce us, he points at me first "He's Sgt Lockett," I wave.

"he is Cpl Tucker…"

"Yo" greets Tucker.

",she is Pvt. Fergo" by the way this point she has changed her armor color to purple.

"Hi." she greets.

",and lastly our friend in regulation blue, he's Caboose...or O'Malley or whatever the hell he's calling himself." finishes Church.

"Why did you introduce me last?" asks Caboose.

Tucker turns and says "It's because he hates you."

Fergo smacks Tucker on the head on comforts Caboose, "Sweetie don't listen to him." Fergo has been a real help lately, because I have to take care of the team, I can't be there to watch Caboose so Fero helps me look after him. In fact, Fergo has even taken to becoming more of a motherly figure to the kid, I wouldn't be surprised if Caboose started calling her mom.

DuFresne then says, "I received your call for a medic."

"Medic? That was three months ago." says Caboose.

"Yeah what did you do, crawl here?" asks Tucker. At this point we were all looking at DuFresne.

"I came as quickly as I could. Where's the patient?"

All of us look to where we buried Tex (behind DuFresne) and Church replies, "Well, she is about 50 yards behind you, and 6 feet straight down."

He looks behind him and sees two graves "Oh." and he turns back around facing us. "Sorry about your loss."

Church then says surprising me, "Nothing you could have done anyway, she died long before we gave the call for a medic." I hope this doesn't make him relapse on all his progress in getting over her death.

"He didn't like her very much," says Caboose. He then whispers, "She was mean to other people."

"She was only mean to you and for good reason." Church fires back angrily. I place my hand on his shoulder to calm him down.

DuFresne. Then asks curiously, "Who's in the other grave?"

Church then awkwardly says, "Oh...ah...T-that's...That's me, I'm in that grave."

I think DuFresne thinks Church is insane now and his response shows it, "Uh huh. Course."

Caboose then tries to explain it, this will be interesting, "See, he got killed by this crazy run away tank…"

"Or the idiot driving it." mutters Tucker.

He ignores what Tucker said and continues, "He then became this really mean ghost that..uh...took over a Mexican robot's body." Why did he whisper that last part?

"Oh and then we had to uh...spray paint him and uh...to make him blue, and now he is alive again who is a bionic man...who is blue." Not bad, too bad DuFresne now thinks Caboose is insane too.

"Right, took us 6 weeks to get his spanish setting turned off!" grumbles Tucker.

"No esta completamente apagado, pendejo." Church says back in spanish. (Not entirely turned off, moron.)

Tucker sighs and says "I'll go get the Spanish Dictionary."

DuFresne confused asks "Wait, no one here is hurt?"

Church then replies, "No we're fine." I'm pretty sure he thinks we are insane. "In fact, I feel better than ever! See now whenever these two idiots really start to bug me…" he motions to Caboose and Tucker. "I can always just turn my ears off. Couldn't do that before"

Caboose the asks, "I thought you said they were shorting out?"

"I'm sorry what was that Caboose? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" shouts Church.

"Let me just check out you four and I'll be on my way." says DuFresne.

"Wow check us out?" asks Tucker?

"As much as I like my health, I can't help but notice how awkward it would be for a male medic to be giving a physical to a female soldier." I say hinting towards Fergo.

"He's right, how do I know you won't nosebleed at the sight of a naked female body?" jokes Fergo. I'm sure we just made it really awkward for the medic.

"Is this gonna be one of those things where I have to turn my head and cough?" Tucker asks with concern. It just got more awkward.

"No I'm just gonna check your vitals." he answers holding up his scanner, huh, kinda looks like a plasma pistol, I'm sure it's only a coincidence.

"While you're at it, can you check my prostate? It's been pissing kinda funny lately, all glowey and shit." I ask.

The medic with actual concern asks "Are you really?"

"Naw man, fucke no." I laugh.

"I bet I have better vitals than you." Caboose says to Tucker. "Whats a vital?"

Church then picks up on something DuFresne said earlier, "On your way? Aren't you here to join our squad?"

"No, I'm just here to help out with Tex and then assist in the canyon as needed." he answers.

"First, great job on the Tex thing, mission accomplished..." Church says sarcastically. "Secondly, the way we need you to assist, is to help us kill all the reds."

DuFresne then says, "Well, even if my orders didn't prohibit me from doing that, I still wouldn't. I joined the army as a conscientious objector." Oh dear lord not one of those.

"A conshe- who?" asks Tucker.

"He's someone who refuses to fight." I inform them.

"Thats right, I'm a pacifist."

"You're a thing that babies suck on?" asks Caboose.

"No Caboose that's a pedophile." Wait what? Tucker WTF?

"Turkce I think he means a pacifier." said Church.

"Oh yeah right, man I was totally thinking of something else."

I just stare at him while Fergo says, "Dude that's messed up."

"Thats real classy Tucker." glares Church.

 _Line break_

DuFresne finishes scanning Caboose and says, "Well, everyone here checks out, I'll come back and check on you before I leave the canyon." He then asks, "Can you tell me which way to the Red Base?"

Tucker asks, "Why, you said you're not gonna fight 'em?"

DuFresne replies, "I'm not, resources are low so I'm on loan to both armies to help which ever needs me at the time."

"Man that's super freakin lame!" grumbles Church.

"I'm just gonna go to Red Base and see if they need any help."

"Define help." I mumble.

Church then gives out a warning, "Well if you're gonna go up to red base, I recommend putting away that little medical thingy of yours. If they see you walking up to them with that thing, they're gonna shoot it right out of your hands."

BAM! And the scanner goes flying. "Yeah, just like that." nods Church as more rounds fly around them.

I then shout "Take cover!" before crouching down behind a boulder to the right of our base. Looks like the Reds finally attack. We all are now taking cover, i'm with Church, Tucker and DuFresne while Fergo and Caboose are behind a boulder on the other side of the base.

"Oh thats right suck it blue!" shouts the marron soldier. Then the orange one jumps in front of him for some reason.

"Tucker, I need you to get to Caboose and Fergo and help shore up a defence, establish suppressing fire and hold that position until further notice!" barks Church.

"No!" screams Tucker!.

"Don't worry I'll lay down suppressing fire!" shouts Church.

"If suppressing fire means you'll build a bulletproof wall between me and them no! I'm not gonna run out there and eat a machine gun's sandwitch!" Tucker shouts back.

"Honestly we don't really have much of an option until they reload Church." I tell him looking over to immense fire.

"I got an idea," they look at me, "I need you guys to lay down as much fire as you can, I don't need you to hit anything, just fire in their general direction."

"What are you going to do?" asked Church.

"I'll make them scatter with the rocket launcher and they nod. I asked Tucker "Is she ready?" and he nods. "On my mark.." I use my fingers to count down: 3, 2, 1. Everyone pops up from behind their covers and starts firing. I fire both rockets at the enemy team. The red team dives away and into whatever cover they could find.

"Not bad Lockett." Thank you Church. He was about to step out of cover when the reds started shooting again.

"Shit!" He then jumps back into cover, "Hey Lockett you got anymore rockettes?" I shake my head, Church then looks over to Tucker who knew exactly what he was going to ask.

"Hell no! You should come up with a new plan, preferably one that allows me to keep the same amount of blood that I currently have now."

"No problem." replies Church, "Wait, does the blood have to be in your body?" Tucker just looked appalled by the question.

Church then looks around weighing his options and then he gets an idea, "Alright you Doc," he points at DuFresne, "get over there and help Caboose.

"My name is Doc it's DuFresne."

Church rolls his eyes and says "Yeah I can't pronounce that, so from now on, I'm gonna call you Doc."

'Doc' protests "But I'm not a doctor! I'm a medic."

"What's the difference?" asks Tucker.

"Medic's job is to keep you alive long enough for evac." I inform him. Too bad it wasn't Doc's definition.

"No, a medic's job is to make you more comfortable, while you die." corrected Doc. Really?

"Maybe if you're a shitty medic." I whisper to the guys.

"Mental note: Never get shot." mutters Tucker.

"Whatever, your name is still Doc." says Church.

"Alright, but I don't think it'll stick." Doc argues

"I think otherwise." Church argues back. "Now get over to Caboose and Fergo and help them hold that position."

Doc then slowly says, "I don't have a gun, I'm a pacifist!"

Already getting frustrated, Church yells, "Then just get over there and yell bang bang bang!"

"Eh, I don't know, even that sounds pretty aggressive."

"Is this guy serious?" I ask Tucker

"I guess so." he replies.

"I'm not even suppose to get involved until someone gets hurt."

"I see…" I turn back and see Church raise his pistol and fire. BAM!

"Ow! My Foot!" cries Caboose.

I turn back and scream, "CHURCH WHAT THE FUCK?"

Hee ignore me and turns back to Doc, "Well, looks like Caboose has gone and hurt himself, maybe you should get over there and help him Doc."

I grab his shoulder and whisper "We are talking later!". I swear I saw him gulp.

Doc then says, "You know you could have just asked nicely."

"He kinda did. Now go, I'll follow." I say to him. We then sprint over to Caboose and Fergo and didn't get hit.

"Fergo how are you doing?" I ask and she says she's fine.

"Where are you hit?" asks Doc. Is he serious?

"My foot." cries Caboose.

"The left foot?"

"Probably because it's bleeding." smirks Fergo.

"Yeah the red one." chirps Caboose, he's way too happy for getting shot. Then he starts crying again, "I can't believe Church shot me."

"OH DON'T EVEN START CABOOSE!" screams Church.

"Anything else?" asks Doc. CAboose seemed confused by the questioned so I repeat the question for Doc, Caboose, you have been shot in the foot, tell us if anything else is wrong.

"Oh! Sometimes when I sleep, I dream about my parents having sex and I get really mad for some reason." Doc, Fergo, and I just stare at him. How do I even respond to that?

"I'm just going to start with the foot." murmurs Doc.

Still thinking about what Caboose had said I just nod and Fergo says, "Yeah, you go do that."

I soon notice something is wrong, the reds have stopped firing. My radio goes off and its Church.

" _Lockett the Reds have stopped firing, I think they are out of ammo._ "

I respond, " _I think so too, just hold there, wait and see if they do anything._ "

I then look back to Doc and..."What are you doing?"

"Treating Caboose's injury."

"But all you're doing is rubbing aloe vera on his neck." complains Fergo. She gives me the look to do something and I simply tell her that Doc is a shitty medic.

"HEY BLUES!" shouts the Red leader, "WE ARE GIVING YOU THE CHANCE TO SURRENDER!"

I lean over to the guys and say "Yeah they are definitely out of ammo." I look over and Church seems to be saying the same thing.

"WHAT ARE YOUR TERMS?" Church shouts back.

"Their what?" Fergo asks me.

"Surrender terms." I cooly explain and she nods her hand while processing the information.

"ALRIGHT BLUES!" starts the Red Sargent. "FIRST OFF WE, WANT YOUR FLAG..." He seems to pause, I assume it's because he is getting feedback from the rest of their team. "TO STAY RIGHT WHERE IT IS! KEEP THE FLAG!" I guess they remember that Tex arrived after they took the flag the last time. "BUT WE DO WANT OUR MECHANIZED DROID BACK!" That's not good. "YOU MAY KNOW HIM AS SENIOR EL ROBOTO!" Too bad Church isn't going to give him back. "I DON'T THINK YOU COULD KEEP HIS NUTS, OR BOLTS OR HIS MECHANICAL PARTS!" Wait, what does he mean by that?

"UH, HE'S NOT HERE ANYMORE!" Yep it looks like Church isn't giving it back.

Tucker then shouts back, "YEAH, HE WAS ALL LIKE SAYONARA AND HE TOOK OFF!"

"THAT'S JAPANESE TUCKER!" People often get it mixed up for it being French, but then I had a Japanese girl in my squad back in the army, she said otherwise.

"HEY RED'S!" Church shouts back "HOW ABOUT A MEDIC! WOULD YOU TAKE A MEDIC AS A HOSTAGE!"

What surprises me is their response, "EVEN THOUGH WE ALREADY GOT ONE, SURE WE'LL TAKE IT ANYWAY!" Aw why do they get a medic. This is actually the first time I got to see the full Red Team all together. Their colors were red, orange, maroon, pink and a person I have never seen before magenta. I may have mistaken him/her/it for the pink guy a few times now that I think about it.

"I think they might have two girls, or at least one girl and a guy." I whisper to Fergo.

"Maybe." she responds as we walk over to Church. "Dude Tucker did you see that, they have a guy in magenta armor!"

"I know! Think its a girl?" ponders Tucker.

"Maybe, Lockett says it might be." replies Fergo.

I hear Church talking to Doc, "Hey Doc how's the patient?"

"Doing well, he seems very alert and responsive." Doc replies happily.

"He's talking about Caboose right?" asks Tucker.

"No, I mean his toe, how is the toe I shot?" Man Church is kind of a bastard.

Doc replies, "Oh that thing, that fell off a half and hour ago, but there is one more thing..."

"What?" He doesn't notice me walk right next to him.

"This." he turns and faces me, and I deck him right across the face. The force from the punch sends Church spinning a full 180 degrees and falls face first into the floor.

"Nice!" shouts Tucker.

"Shh...There, there, sweeties, it's ok." comforts Fergo as she holds a sobbing Caboose.

"Rest in peach pinky toe." he sobs and then turns and glares at Church with his bipolar voice, "You shall be avenged!"

Doc the says, "Tell you what, go ahead and send me over, I don't think I can be any more help."

"Trust me, we know." I mutter.

Church finally gets up clutching the left side of his face, he turns to the Reds and shouts "OKAY! WE ARE GOING TO SEND OVER OUR MEDIC! NOW WHAT DO WE GET?"

The maroon one stopes forward and shouts back, "YOU? YOU ARE THE ONES SURRENDERING!"

The magenta steps forward as well and shouts "YOU GUYS ONLY GET HUMILIATION AND RIDICULE!"

"Yep, she is definitely a girl." I say to the guys.

""WE ALREADY GOT THAT! GOT ANYTHING ELSE?" Fergo shouts back.

Their leader asks "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

I shout back "WE WANT YOU TO ADMIT THAT THE RED TEAM SUCKS!" I guess my inner teenager conformity is kicking in. I see the reds turn discussing amongst each other.

"WHAT IF WE ONLY ADMIT ONE OF US SUCKS?" the Red shouts back?

 _Two hours later_

So there is the orange one, ready to deliver his speech of disgrace.

"OKAY THEN. WE AGREE TO THE TERMS? YOU GO FIRST, THEN WE SEND OUR MEDIC OVER!" shouts Church.

"I WOULD JUST LIKE EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT I SUCK!" Aw man, we're like dying with laughter right now.

"AND?" ask Church

"AND I LIKE RIBBONS IN MY HAIR!"

"KEEP GOING!"

"AND I WANT TO KISS ALL THE BOYS!"

At this point, Fergo and Tucker are bawling on the floor laughing, Caboose is giggling maniacally...that's kinda weird...and I'm leaning against the wall for support.

"THAT GOOD ENOUGH?" asks the maroon one.

Still giggling Church shouts back, "YEAH!" He then turns to Doc and says, "Go ahead." and Doc leaves with Red Team.

 _Line break_

"Hey Church?" I ask.

"Yes Lockett?"

"Caboose is really upset that Sheila is gone, the tank may be working but I need your reactivating Sheila." I explain.

"Okay, I wouldn't normally care, but if it'll stop him from crying about it, how can I help." Wow, I didn't think Church would go for it.

I look over to Tucker to explain his part of the idea, "Since you are in the body of the Red Team's old droid, and droids usually fix stuff, can't you just activate your repair sequence and fix Sheila?"

Church surprising agrees to it, "Huh...Yeah it's worth a shot I guess. Alright stand back… ARGGHHH! EEEHHH!" That's funny, his process of repossessing someone sounds like he's constipated. Even, then, I guess it didn't work.

"Nothing?" he shakes his head.

"Maybe there's a button on you somewhere." suggests Tucker.

"See what you guys can find, I'll keep trying from here." So here me and Tucker are, feeling Church up pretty much.

"Oh wait!" Church exclaims, we jump up.

"Found it?" asks Tucker.

"Ah, no wait, all I found is the time and temperature function, it is currently 26 degrees by the way." informs Church.

"26 degrees? That's freezing!" exclaims Tucker in disbelief.

"He means celsius Tucker." I tell him.

"Celsius sucks dude." he whines. I shrug and we continue to looking for a switch or something.

"Found something." called Tucker.

"Oh yeah? You found a button?" asked Church.

Tucker says, "We found a switch."

"Well give it a flip."

"We don't want to flip it." says Tucker.

"What's the problem?" he's not gonna like this.

Tucker tells him, "It's in a weird place."

"You flip it." offers Tucker.

"These arms aren't that flexible guys. I can't even reach down here."

"How about Caboose?" I offer off the top of my head.

"Man he's so stupid, I don't even know if he even knows how to operate a switch!" grumbles Church.

"Well atleast he can accurately shoot a rifle and drive a tank." I counter.

"Fuck you Lockett." I smile at the insult.

Tucker looks at me as if I'm gonna do it "Fuck no man, you need to pull your own weight more, plus I'm here to fix it incase you break it!"

"Tucker come on. We'll laugh about it later. I'll buy you dinner." offers Church.

He sighs and then flips the switch, or he at least tried to, "It won't move! It's stuck!"

"Try wiggling it." suggest Church. Ha 'wiggling' it.

"No way! I'm not wiggling your dongle!" states Tucker.

"Tucker stop being a baby and just do it." I tell him.

The Church does something stupid, kinda funny but still stupid, "So, you from around here baby?"

Tucker shoots right back up and says, "If we're gonna do this you can't talk."

"Yeah man, don't go all homo erotic on us, that's not cool dude." I also tell him.

"Okay okay alright I'm just kidding." jokes Church.

Tucker then says "I wish Tex was here, she wouldn't have any problem flipping it."

"You obviously did not know Tex that well." laughs Church.

*snap* "There I did it!" said Tucker. Right as he said that, a beeping noise started. "Anything?"

"No, nothing." says a confused Church. "Hey guys do you hear a beeping?" he asks. We shake our heads. We then gather the team around Church on the roof of the base, I also brought my tool kit just in case.

Tucker asks, "Is it a whistling noise followed by a series of clicks?" what like predator?

"No it's a constant beep, beep, beep noise." explains Church.

"Then no, I don't hear anything."

"Do you actually hear a whistling noise followed by a series of clicks?" asks Fergo.

"No I'm just trying to be helpful." said Tucker.

"Well you're failing." grumbles Church.

Then Caboose goes, "All I hear is that voice telling us to kill all our friends before they have a chance to kill us!" We just stare at him in wonder.

"What you guys don't hear that?"

"Caboose, that's fucked up." I tell him before turning back to Church.

"Aw man I can't take this anymore, you guys are gonna have to do something! This beeping is going to drive me crazy!" shouts Church.

"Caboose see what you can find." I tell him. Caboose then walks over and kneels to where the switch is.

Maybe this isn't such a good idea. "I see a switch down here. It's not very big." whispers Caboose.

"That's it," says Tucker, "Just flip it."

"Wait stop," stops Church, "Caboose, do you know how to work a switch?"

"Uhh..." responds Caboose. Yeah this was a bad idea.

"Okay, here's a full tutorial," church explains slowly. "The switch is pointed in one direction, just turn it around so it's pointed in the other direction." I then hear a snapping noise...god damn it.

"Ah, it broke itself." says Caboose followed by Church's grumples.

"What do you guys see?" Church asks as Tucker, Caboose, and I are looking at the broken switch.

"I tell you what I don't see." I joke causing everyone but Church to laugh.

"Lockett shut up, Tucker what do you see?"

"I see two wires down here, one is green the other is red." responds Tucker.

"What about the blue wire?" asks Caboose.

I tell him, "That's you thumb Caboose."

Church the says "Guys just grab the one that goes to the switch and yank it out. Yank them both out if you have to. I don't' care if I explode, at least the beeping would stop!"

I use my flashlight to see where the wires lead, "The red one goes to the switch."

"Pull the red one then." shouts Church.

I try to inform him, "Church, pulling the wire might cause more damage."

"Just kill the red one!" he exclaims. I look over to Tucker who just shrugs. I then pull it out.

In a sigh of relief, Church says, "Oh god! Yes finally! Some freakin peace and quiet! That noise was gonna drive me nuts!" He then looks down as asks in confusion, "Wait, why can't I move my legs?" He then starts getting angry, "This is great! This is just great! Thanks Caboose, my lower half is damaged!"

"Why don't you try walking it off?" replies Caboose.

"I can't use my legs you moron!"

Before Caboose can respond, Fergo cuts in, "This hardly seems that big of a deal, you hardly used your legs before anyway!"

Tucker adds "Yeah! I've never seen a grown man ask for so many piggy back rides!"

"Hey I already told you guys, those are for science!" firmly states Church.

"Why don't you try," suggest Caboose, "Walking on your hands! Then you can use your feet for high-fives, eating sandwiches, you know the important stuff." Poor kid, his heart is in the right place, but his mind isn't all there.

"As much as I'd love to see that, Caboose, I think it's best if you don't give anymore suggestions." I tell him. He nods his head but still looked a little down.

"What do we do now?" asks Tucker.

Church responds with. "Well just start reattaching wires, I'll tell you if anything changes."

I reattach on wire, "Anything?"

"No."

"Hey Church I was just think..." Caboose is asking for Church to be meen isn't he, "you know when you eat ice cream too fast it hurts your brain?"

Church simply says, "Caboose shut up." While Tucker and I are working on Church, we don't notice the Reds coming over to our base. Hell, even Fergo joined in on trying to help.

Caboose notices them though, "Hey Church? I think that you should know that the Reds are..."

"Damn it Caboose!" interrupts Church, "In the short time I've known you, you have managed to call my girlfriend a slut, blow me up with a tank, shoot me in the head, and now paralyze me from the waist down! So I hope if it's not too much for me to ask, JUST FOR ONCE! JUST SHUT YOUR FREAKIN MOUTH!" The three of us are too busy but we snap out of it when we hear…

"Hey blues we're hear to...what the hell are you doing?" instantly all three of us jump up.

Fergo is the first one to speak, "Shit the reds are here."

"Crap, Caboose why didn't you say anything?" responds Church. I just look at him, 'Really?' I thought, 'You're a fucking hypocrite Church.'

"One of you guys turn me around, I can't turn my legs." whispers Church. Right when we were about to do so, the orange guy speaks up.

"What were you guys doing down there?"

All three of us say at the same times "Nothing."

"What are you talking about?" asks Tucker.

"We weren't doing anything." says Fergo.

"We were never down anyway." I state.

"We were just playing a game!" calls Caboose.

Church then tells him "Caboose we'll handle this."

"What do you want reds? Get outa here or we'll start shooting at yah!" shouts Church.

"Oh yeah? You care to make that threat to my face?" the orange one calls back. Poor Church, he can't even turn around.

Church grumbles and says "No."

"Yeah I didn't think so punk."

Then the maroon guy goes, "Wow wow, calm down guys ,we didn't come here to fight. We just came to give back the prisoner." No, we are not taking him back.

"Please say no guys. Please." I beg them.

Tucker then says to them "Give him back? You can't give him back! You took him, A deal is a deal!"

"Yeah well forget it, we don't want him!" the orange argues back.

"Well sorry, you can't have another prisoner, that was our last one!" shouts Church?

"Also our only one." I mutter,

"Dude what is your problem?"

"Didn't your mama teach that it's impolite not to looks at someone while you're talking to them?"

"He uh...has a condition!" shouted Fergo.

"He's shy!" adds Caboose

"Shut up Caboose!" Church hisses.

"Look, we don't want him back and we don't care what you do with him!" shouts Church

"Mainly because he was a crappy medic!" I add.

"If you don't mind we would appreciate it if you leave us alone! We're in the middle of something kind of private over here." finishes Church.

"Fine, but don't come asking for him back later!" finishes the Marron the one. They then sonn walking away.

Tucker calls after them "Don't worry we won't!"

The orange turns around and says "Last chance!"

"Beat it reds!" Church angrily shouts.

"Alright I'm going!"

"What's going on? Are they there? Did they leave? Hey somebody tell me what's happening!" asks Church as Tucker watches through his rifle.

"They appear to be leaving Doc behind!" observes Tucker.

"I think he's going to attack!" responds Caboose in his angry voice.

"He isn't going to attack, he's a pacifist Caboose." Fergo tells him.

"I say we just tie him up and roll him through the teleporter." offers Tucker.

I put my hand up and say "I'd be down for that."

"Why would the Reds leave i'm out there by himself?" ponders Church.

"Maybe they realized that he is useless." I joke.

"That can't be it, this has to be some kind of trick!"

Caboose says with fear in his voice "I bet they used some kind of brainwashing technique on him! They are probably planning on having him do all their dirty plans and also their schemes!"

Fergo turns to him is disbelief and says "Caboose, I don't even think the Reds are capable of pulling that off."

Tucker turns back and says "Yeah that's ridiculous Caboose!"

"Is it? Or is it so ridiculous, that it's the most ridiculously perfect idea that you never thought of!" challenges Caboose.

Tucker nonchalantly replies, "No, it's just ridiculous." He then turns back to looks at Doc.

"Just keep your eye on him Tucker." I tell him.

"Yeah, we'll know it's a trick if he tries to get into our base." adds Church.

"Hey guys! Do you think I could come and hang out at your base for a while!" As much as I hate to leave him out there on his own, he is ways too useless for me to want him in our base.

"I knew it!" cries Caboose, "We're all gonna die!" He then turns to Tucker and says "Starting wit you!"

"Sorry but we're kinda busy here!" I tell him, "So go away or something!"

"Normally I wouldn't impose! It's just I don't know the neighborhood too well..."

Church soon gets fed up and shouts "Listen Doc, you're not fooling anyone with that innocent victim routine!"

Doc as I can tell is starting to get desperate, "Hey I can help! I know more than just medicine," 'No you don't, you don't know any medicine at all I!' subconsciously yell at him. "I'm trained in psychology too! Maybe I can help you with your problem facing people!" Probably shouldn't have said that.

Church finally looses it, "JUST GET OUT OF HERE! Oh and tell your little buddy the Red's that their plan failed!" The last we see of dock is him running away from our base.

After he left, Church turns to us and asks, "What are we gonna do guys, I need to get my legs working!"

"I don't know" I reply,"but we can't just keep pulling wires!"

"Maybe you should call a professional, maybe get Shiela talking again." suggest Tucker.

"Yeah but the only people who know how to do that are Tex and Senior El Robot!" counters Church.

"Tex can be hard to work with." Caboose adds.

"Specially since she is dead." I add as well.

"Quite frankly you three," Church looks and Tucker, Fergo, and I, "I find your attitudes offensive."

"What about that Lopez person? Is he available?" asks Caboose.

Fergo then tells Caboose, "Sweetie Church is in his body, remember?"

"Well," ponders Caboose, "why don't you just leave you body, then all of us will make him fix you and my girfriend?"

"Apparently Caboose is into cars." I spill out by accident. Everyone just stares a Caboose like WTF.

"I-I mean...we will make him fix you..a-and the uh...beautiful tank lady who means nothing to me and uh..we can get you back into your body when he is done." stutters Caboose. Caboose romantically involved with a tank, weirdest couple I've ever heard.

"That actually seems like a good idea." I tell them.

"I know." said Church.

"But Caboose said it." Tucker says worriedly.

"I know." Church repeats. Tucker then punches Church in the face. Fergo cheers while I clap.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!" angrily cries Church.

"I don't know, I thought maybe I was dreaming! So I punched you in the face to make sure I wasn't" Tucker cries back.

"I'm pretty sure that's not how it works Tucker." I tell him.

"How does it work then?" he turns to me.

I tell "You are suppose to get someone to pinch you."

The thought made him look disgusted "Dude there is no way I'm asking on of your to pinch me!"

"Tucker I swear if you dented my forehead, I'm gonna be pissed!" growls Church. "Alright, I'm just going to jump out of Lopez's body really quick you 4 make sure he doesn't try anything. Got it?"

"Got it Church." As Church leaves we all turn to Caboose to congratulate him on coming up with a decent idea.

"Not a bad idea kid." I go.

"He's right, I really have to hand it to you." congratulates Tucker.

"I knew you were smart sweetie, you even came up with a great idea." Fergo cries happily.

"Aw thanks guys it was nothing." I swear I could see Caboose blushing through his helmet.

"No kid," I tell him, "You really contributed and thats what its all about."

"YEAH! Back in the spirit world alright!" We turn to the voice and we see Church in ghost form. "Man I forgot how good this feels, kinda loosey goosy." He then looks around and says, "Hey what did you guy do with my body?"

"Why do you care about your body?" asks Tucker, "You can't even move you…" he along with us turn around and we see Lopez running for Red base, "...body."

"Hey Church your legs work!" I tell him.

"This one is mine." growls Caboose and he starts firing at Lopez.

"Hey Caboose cut it out man!" cries Church.

"Did you just take my rifle?" Tucker stares in disbelief.

"You're gonna damage my body!" Caboose stops firing and Tucker takes his rifle back.

I turn to Tucker and say "Tucker, you Caboose nd Fargo follow me through the teleporter and we'll cut him off. Church you go and meet us out there." Church nods and starts to leave.

As soon as Church leaves turn to them and say, "We're not actually going though. Tucker throw a grenade through the teleporter and we'll run after him."

"Oh I like the plane!" Tucker then proceeds to chuck a hand grenade into the teleporter and then he and the guys start running after me.

"Hey look, Lopez is running back to us! I think your plan worked Tucker!" shouts Fergo, We managed to stop Lopez at gunpoint.

"Hold it right there hombre! " He then turns to me and says "I can't believe the grenade worked! Church is going to be so impressed!" I simply nod.

Then our attention is drawn to Caboose, "And Sheila will love me again, and this time, for who I am and not just for my stunning good looks, but those too." he beams.

"Whoo! Go Caboose you lady killer you!" whoops Fergo. Tucker and I just ignore him.

The droid then says "Al diablo con estos mamones azules. Son tan estúpidos como parecen." (Damn these blue bastards. They really are as stupid as they look.)

"Your soul is a cavern of lies!" Caboose growls back.

Tucker and I both ask "What?"

"Caboose what are you and Lopez talking about?" asks Fergo.

López then responds "Has ganado esta vez, pero su reinado cruel de tiranía será de breve duración. Los rojos van a ser vengados" (You may have won this round, but your cruel reign of tyranny will be short lived. The red people will be avenged.)

"Yeah yeah we don't care" Tucker rolls his helmet, "We just need to fix our tanks training program."

I guess Lopez fires with "Nunca voy a trabajar para el enemigo. Que un mal esté sobre su alma y su casa." (Never will I work for the enemy. May a pox be upon your soul and your house.) He then continues, "Por mucho tiempo mi raza ha sufrido, pero muy pronto, veremos el porvenir de un nuevo día. El amanecer de nuestro tiempo está cerca, y cuando la oscuridad acontezca su gente, los trabajadores del campo sabrán que éste es su momento." (Long have my people suffered, but very soon we will see the coming of a new day. The dawn of our time is near, and when the darkness befalls your people the workers of the field will know that this is their moment.)

"Hey Lockett what's he saying?" asks Fergo.

"I don't know, it's been forever since I took spanish in high school."

"Man, I thought Church talks, think he'll shut up if I quit him in the switch?" Tucker ask me.

I tell him "It's worth a shot."

"Guys," Caboose says nervously, "I think we should be in the going of the running now." We look forward and we see the Reds in their jeep aiming their turret at us.

"Good observation Caboose." I then see the jeep rushing at us in full throttle. "We are just casually backing away." I tell Lopez.

"Yeah no cause for concern." adds Tucker.

"Running time!" and Caboose just run tails and runs.

"Damn it Caboose! I said casual!" I shout after him while we all run from the jeep.

Lopez apparently still talking calls after us, "Sí, sí, corran, perros cobardes. Que sea sabido que el gran López ha ganado en éste día, y... " (Yes, yes, run away, you cowardly dogs. Be it known that the great Lopez has won this day and...) We then hear a huge explosion and when we turn around we see the jeep has been overturned and the two operators are on the floor. Lopez with regret heavy in his voice, or at least for a robot says "Perdoname, padre.." (I'm sorry, father.)

"Nice! Not bad robot dude!" congratulates Tucker.

"I knew he would save us!" CAboose happily cheers. "I knew it! Robot people always like me! It's because of my awesome dancing!" I guess he has a point since Shiela seemed to like him. Wait his dancing?

Lopez then sadly says "Mi espíritu está quebrado. Mi gente me ha abandonado y ahora todo está perdido. Haga conmigo lo que queráis…" (My spirit is broken. My people have betrayed me and now all is lost. Do with me what you will...)

"Yeah whatever man." said Tucker. "We just need you to make our tank talk again."

"Dancing time!" cheers Caboose. Second thought I don't want to see this, me and Tucker start heading back. Fergo instead stays.

"You guys go ahead, I'm gonna see if his dancing is any good. Alo to make sure he doesn't break the robot" I just give her a thumbs up. I wonder if Lopez would like Shiela, if he does...Poor Caboose is gonna have some competition.

 **Author's note: Thank you for reading I hope you have enjoyed. This took a while to write since it's my longest chapter, I didn't get time to really proof read so I'm sorry if there are any mistake.**


	8. Good Morning Blood Gulch!

**Disclaimer: I don't own the products I am writing about.**

Good Morning Blood Gulch!

"Alright that's the deal Mr. Robot, fix our tank's computer and we'll let you go free." explains Church to Lopez. While Church is explaining what we need to the robot, the rest of us are standing by and just watching church. There's really not much to do.

"I thought the plan was to trick him into fixing the tank and then Church will go into his body when he is done." whispers Caboose.

"Yeah, but you don't tell the people being tricked what's going on Caboose." explains Tucker.

"You mean if I was the one being tricked, you would not tell me what is going on?" Caboose gasps in horror.

"Kid no one is going to trick you." you reassure him.

"Yeah why would we trick you?" asked Tucker.

"For your sake let's keep it that way." warns Fergo and Tucker gulps.

I then hear Lopez say...whatever he is saying, I'm sure I'll put it through Google translate or something in the future, "¿Dónde voy a ir? Mis amigos querían matarme." (Where will I go? Even my friends have tried to kill me.)

I guess Church was thinking the same thing because he then responds with, "Okay...I'm going to take that as a yes and let you get busy with the tank."

To which the robot responds with "No tengo hogar." Okay all I got from that is No tengo which means 'I have no…', high school did a wonderful job in making me remember spanish. Anyway, after a few minutes of the robot speaking spanish, we finally get him to start working on the tank. While they are working on it, the rest of us are doing...honestly I don't know, whatever it is, it's clearly non-productive.

Then Caboose happily bounds over to the tanks and droid and jumps for joy he says, "HURRY! HURRY! HURRY and Fix It! And then I can say hello to Sheila" He then stops jumping and turns to us in another episode of anger management, "And start killing everyone!"

"You mean all the reds right?" Tucker nervously asks.

"Of course!" chirps Caboose and then "For starters." causing Tucker to do a double take.

"Hey Lopez, how's the progress on Sheila?" I ask.

" Completo." says Lopez who then hops off the tank as it activates.

"Thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank."

Caboose jumps up excitedly with tears in his eyes, "Sheila! You're fixed! You're fixed!"

"Hello Pvt Caboose, Sgt Lockett, thank you for repairing me."

"Well I was actually only able to repair the 'tank' part," I then awkwardly look at my boots, "My engineering experience doesn't cover CPU repairs."

"Then who repaired my?" questioned a confused Sheila.

"Our robot did." answered Tucker. Caboose then gives Tucker a death glare, I'm not sure why.

"Robot, I wasn't aware our squad was outfitted with a robot." replies Sheila. Lopez and Sheila then proceeds to do the slow look up...well look down technically for Sheila and make eye contact cliche, damn it I swear I could hear a dumb harp.

"I don't like where this is going." says a worried Caboose.

Followed by a confused Fergo who says whats on everyone's mind, "Dude this is so weird."

I then slap Tucker on the back and chuckle "I guess love exists for all thing, even a robot and a tank hey Tucker?" He gives me a 'Dude really?' look.

"Hello there. My name is Sheila, the M808B Main Battle Tank."

"Y yo soy López, el Pesado." (And I am Lopez, the heavy.)

"Lopez, what a nice name for such a nice soldier who has such excellent motor skills." fawns Sheila.

"Motor skills? He didn't even fix you though!" I tend not to like it when my hard work and not so public love for vehicles in unappreciated.

"I'm sorry Sgt Lockett, I mean excellent computer maintenance skills. I will say that I have never meet a soldier that would give so much care as to wash and wax a tank. You even do a full interior job."

I smile with pride, "It's my job Sheila." I'm happy now.

Then Caboose jumps in between Lopez and Sheila, "Um yes! Lopez has to go now. He was just here to help me fix you and now he has to go AWAY."

"And I thought Caboose was jealous when he thought Church gave more attention to Tucker." I joke.

Tucker turns to Church and complains, "Dude this is getting weird, Church will you just take your fucking body back."

"Roger that." replies Church.

"No! Heauegerkergerk!" cries Lopez and he starts seizing,

"Hey Church! Everything okay in there?" asked Tucker.

"Maybe you might have to flip his switch." said Fergo, Tucker just seemed to nod in agreement. When Lopez finally stopped seizing, we thought Church was finished, so we were pretty confused when Church reappeared in his original spot.

Church who was just as confused as us, "What the? That wasn't me! What the hell is going on here?" We all turned to face Lopez and we heard a voice from a person we long thought dead.

"Well, buenos dias, cockbites." Tex then turns and faces us, "Guess who's back?"

"Get out of my body right now Tex!" growls a pretty angry Church.

"Your body?" Tex asks in disbelief, "I stole it!"

"Yeah? Well I stole it first!"

"I am confused..." Sheila finally says, "I thought your name was Lopez. And I thought you were a man." We all turn to face the tank, "This is all so strange, I feel like my circuits are crossed!"

I walk up and pat her on the treads, "You'll get used to it eventually." She then looks to herself and tries to process the information.

She then looks back to me "I like it!"

"I know how to get her out of there!" grins an angry Caboose who slowly raises his pistol. We all turn and look at Caboose. "Wink."

"Caboose don't!" I warn.

"Just go explain this to Sheila." Church tells him who then proceeds to do as told.

"So Tex, what is it gonna take to get Church's body back?" I ask.

"Well ever since I've been a ghost, I've been watching you guys a lot." she responds.

Tucker and Fergo both widened their eyes and say "Wow."

Fergo goes first, "When you say you've been watching us, does that mean you've been watching us all the time?"

Tucker finishes, "Even when we're alone?" He then glances over to his rock.

Tex who responds like a mother scolding her children "Yes, and you two should be very ashamed of yourselves."

"It's very lonely out here." mutters Tucker

"And we were only cuddling!" defends Fergo.

"Damn Tex, at least I don't violate other people's privacy." I comment. She then looks at me as if you was trying to come up with a come back, she then realizes she has nothing and just shuts her mouth.

I look over to Fergo and Tucker, "When did this happen?" I point to both of them.

"Two months ago." then respond.

"Normally it against army regulations for you two to be romantically involved with each other. I'll let this slide if you two and manga to get your work done." To that the nod in both thanks and relief. "Also," I start drawing their attention again, "Don't get her knocked up, I need all my men able to fight." I joke, The immediate reaction was Fergo and Tucker blushing so hard I could see it through their helmet followed by Tex's laughter and church's stares of disbelief.

I turn back to Tex, "You were saying?"

"Oh right!" she looks to Church and gets back on topic. "I've noticed a change in one of your guys...Caboose."

"What change? Caboose has finally learned the whole alphabet?" mocks Church.

To which I respond by growling "That's not funny Church."

"Haven't you've noticed he's becoming increasingly aggressive?" asked Tex.

"I think all of us have. It started around the same time sheila was disabled and you got blown up." I answer.

"Yeah! We all noticed. I kept trying to tell Church but he never listened! " complains Church.

"I honestly can't really do anything about it and it at least he still seems to listen to me and Church." I inform Tex.

Church turns to Tucker and says, "Tucker? There's a very fine line between not listening, and not caring. I like to think I walk that line every day of my life." We then quiet down to listen to Tex's explanation of what has happened to her since she decided.

"I had just finished repairing the tank when I overheard Church's plan to warn the Reds about me."

"By the way, great plan Church.".

"Shut up Lockett."

"He's right though, nevermind the fact that Tex heard the plan, you went and possessed the Mexican robot. Nice one!" laughs Fergo. Church just glares at us while we quiet down once again to listen to Tex.

"From what I could tell, the A.I. calculated the odds of survival and didn't like the results..."

"He was probably wrong." they all stare at me, "I'm fairly certain that the Reds would still get killed even if Church successfully warned them. That's just me though."

"Regardless, the A.I. clearly didn't want to take that risk so once Caboose turned on his radio, it took its chance."

"And that was when he said his name was O'Malley", replies Tucker in realization. "So Caboose is now been infected by the A.I. that was in you?"

"That's right, everyone's armor has one empty slot for an A.I., Caboose's would have been vacant." explained Church.

"I think there are a few NON-artificial slots that are empty too." mutters Tucker.

Fergo than punches Tucker in the shoulder and says "Tucker!"

"What is true though!"

"It doesn't matter if you think it's true! That's mean!" Fergo angrily exclaims.

Tex then continues "Before I could figure out what happened, that bitch hit with a really lucky shot! Next thing you know, I'm a ghost!"

Off the top of my head, I respond with "It's kind of ironic how the most dysfunctional relationship is the one where the couple spends an eternity together."

"I know right?" laughs Tucker.

Church then turns back to Tex and says, "Alright I get it, Caboose has your A.I. and you are holding my body hostage until we get it back?"

"Wrong..." she does a dramatic pause.

"She wants us to kill it." I whisper to the guys.

"You're gonna help me kill it."

"Called it."

 _Line break_

"Well Tex, that was a great story." says Tucker.

Fergo follows "My favorite part was when Church got pantsed in high school."

Church in an attempt of saving face or whatever this is, "I personally find that part entirely out of context."

"Lockett what did you think?" asks Fergo.

"Eh, it was alright."

Tucker then turns to Tex "I still don't how we are going to stop the A.I."

She responds "I don't remember much from the implantation process. I DO remember that the A.I. could be transmitted from host to host by way of the helmet radios. Before I learned anything else, the A.I. took over and we escaped. If we can kill the A.I. and not give it a place to jump, we'll beat it."

"And then I can get my body back. Deal?"

"Deal."

"Alright. Tex and I will posses Caboose then." he turns to us, "Lockett, we need you to work on the Reds, Tex nods in agreement.

"How the hell are we gonna do that?" asks Fergo.

"You're not gonna have much time when we get in there, so move fast." Tex warns us.

"Oh I see, you have no idea of what I should do or how I should do it, but I should do it fast." both Tex and Church nod. "Wow, you guys are a lot of help." mocks Tucker.

"Try shipping you paradigm, think outside the box." suggests Church.

While I was thinking of an idea, Tucker throws back, "That box is there for a reason! I like thinking inside of it, I feel safe in there."

"Don't worry guys, I have an idea." I reassure them, and it seems to calm both of them down.

Church turns back to Tex, "Okay Tex, ladies first." and he motions to Caboose.

"Yeah right!" laughs Tex, "You think I'm gonna leave you alone out here with your body?"

"Bitch." mumbles Church.

"Nice try LENORD."

"Caboose!"

"Huh?"

"Heads up!" and he then proceeds to run into Caboose with Tex following.

"NO!" cries O'Malley.

"Hey kid you okay?" I ask Caboose as we gather around him.

"This place is a lot bigger than I thought it would be."

We share a glance with each other and then Tucker responds with "Okay?"

I turn to the guys, "I'm gonna get Sheila ready, you guys handle Lopez, remember to brief him on what we're doing."

"Where should we start Tex?"

"What?" asks a confused Tucker.

"Ignore him Tucker, just meet by Sheila when you get Lopez." they nod and both walk for Lopez while I get in the tank. They then all climb onto the tank. "Ready for action Sheila?"

"Of course!"

"Then let's go and blow shit up." We then move out to the hill overlooking the Red base.

"Man I hope they don't totally freak out when they see us." sighs Tucker.

"Knowing them," I turn to him, "they'll probably run around screaming."

"So what was your plan?" asks Fergo.

"My original plan was to use my EMP Blackout and knock out all their electronics."

"EMP?" asks Tucker.

"I mean emp, just so you know, people also call it EMP, but yeah, it was simple and safe enough to use without risk of our own equipment."

"Well why didn't you use it?" asks Fergo.

"Cause in normal use, it's only a temporary shutdown, I would need to fry their equipment in order to meet Church's standards meaning I would have to overclock the device."

"Whats wrong with that?" asks Tucker.

"Well, the problem is that it wouldn't just destroy their equipment."

The both widen their eyes in understanding "Oh."

"Yeah, I haven't exactly gotten the time to EMP proof our stuff. Plus I like my new idea kinda more." With a grin on my face, "Ever heard Lopez sing?" I glance at them long enough to catch their looks of confusion before ordering, "Okay we're oscar mike! Let's roll out." I then proceed to climb back into the tank while Tucker, Fergo, and Lopez climb onto the tank as I drive for the Red base.

"Sgt. Lockett, you seem like a very experienced tank operator." Sheila happily chirps.

"What gave it away?" I ask semi listening while I look at the readouts of the tank.

"Well, not only do you know how to drive a tank, you also know how to operate it smoothly. I am impressed. " I then spot a orange guy run behind the disabled jeep followed by the pink person jumping up peeking over the jeep.

"Hey Sheila load HEAT."

"Loading HEAT...Ammo Up..." I aim the cannon at jeep.

"So...Lopez, have any good convos with Sheila?" asked Fergo.

"Perdóname. Pero no puedo hablar con mujeres bellas porque sudo." (Sorry. I'm not good at talking to beautiful women. I get sweaty.)

"Great. I could have lived without seeing that image." groans Tucker.

I see the pink person, I'm still not really sure which one, run away from the jeep as I pull the trigger still going at full throttle.

"Firing Main Cannon." BOOM! The round hits under the jeep causing it to fly upward.

I bark, "Everyone bail out now!" sadly Lopez didn't get the memo. I then proceed to ram into the remains of the jeep. I then notice to orange soldier along with Lopez getting sent flying left and right.

"Everyone alright?" I ask. Tucker and Fergo respond without minimal injury.

"There is a minor impact to the front of the tank." responds Sheila.

"Nothing I can't fix?"

"Negative."

Tucker looks to Lopez "Hey Lopez you alright?"

"López el Pesado es invulnerable a la lesión." (Lopez the Heavy is impervious to injury.)

"Whatever you big show off." jeers Tucker.

I then say to Lopez "Alright, we should be close enough in range to hack into their radio frequencies." I then call out, "Lopez! Get into Sheila and do your thing!"

"What?"

"¡Estoy poniéndome muy sudoroso!" (I'm getting very sweaty!)

I sigh and facepalm, "Tucker I think we're going to have to hose these two down when we get back."

"You think we might convince the Reds faster if we get Fergo to do it?" asks Tucker, we just stare at him waiting to explain. "I mean, they have been here a while without a lot of contact, maybe Fergo could make them listen."

"Even if I didn't find that just a little sexist to throw Fergo around like that..." I explain, "...they already have a girl so it won't really work." I then turn to Fergo, "I still want Tucker to go, but if you think you can go better, go ahead."

She simply shrugs and says "Fuck it." She then picks turns on her radio and says "Hello?"

I don't know why, but we decided to listen as well, and this just wow, "What in buttery goodness who is this?" a gruff voice asks.

"I'm Fergo the Blue's radio operator." soon a whole slew of voices fill the radio.

"Hey you're that girl on the Blue team!"

"Yes I'm a girl."

"Uhhh...umm.."

"So she might not know how to fight." responds another female voice.

"Yes I actually know how to fight."

"Damnit"

"She already sounds more competent than Griff! " Tucker turns to me like WTF, I really couldn't say anything. I mean, WTF would I say to that?

"Look I don't have a lot of time, but I need all of you to shut off your radios right now."

"Girl, it'll be a cold day in hell before I take orders from you."

"Can you just DO it? It's really important." groans Fergo.

Then Tucker joins in, for some reason, "Yeah! Normally I would just shoot at you guys and steal your girlfriends, but today's DIFFERENT! We need you guys to trust me on this!"

The gruff voice says "Well I may have spoke too soon. That is an interesting and well thought out, not to mention clever and timely I might add proposition." Yeah its not working these guys aren't going for it. "Simmons, would you care to deliver our rebutle?"

'Simmons' clears his throat and then shouts, "SUCK IT BLUE!"

Another voice follows, "Yeah! Suck it Blue! Now that's what I call an old school zinger! In your face blue dude in your face!"

"Aw man!" sighs Tucker.

"Dude what is wrong with this canyon?" Fergo asks with disbelief in her voice.

"I ask myself that everyday. Then I learn that I don't care." I turn to Lopez and Sheila, "Lopez Plan B!"

Sheila's stereo stars playing music and then the magic starts

Lopez the Heavy

"Mi Amor Tiene un Canon Grande"

Senor El Roboto Club Mix '04

Metal2Metal Records

Directed by: Private Tucker

(I can't really find the lyrics in Spanish and the only lyrics they have is the first verse. I just put it through google translate, I hope it works.)

"La primera vez que vi sus bandas de rodadura  
Y una enorme chasis de acero  
Yo sabía que había encontrado a alguien  
Para compartir un amor tan real robot"

(The first time I saw your treads

And enormous chassis of steel

I knew that I had found someone

To share a robot love so real)

While Lopez was singing, the three of us were watching the listening in on the Red's and just crying with laughter at their groans of pain. Except for that pink guy, he seems way too into it. Luckly Sarge made him shut off the radio.

"YAHOO!" we all cry and leap with joy.

"Lopez, Sheila turn off your radios quick!" I shout. "Alright let's head back to base guys. Let's see if it worked." There we were, heading back to our base ready to celebrate, I was kind of worried of what happened to Caboose, hope it wasn't too bad.

 _Line Break_

Tucker and I are now outside the base debriefing Church on what happened. Fergo was in the base taking care of Caboose.

"How Sheila?"

"She's fine, just some minor hull damage, nothing I can't fix."

"Any sign of Tex?" we tell him no.

"Is it unusual for her to disappear like that?" asks Tucker.

"When we were dating she would sneak off all the time. But it was usually to sleep with other guys or to spend money she had taken out of my wallet." responds Church.

"Tex does sound like a bad girlfriend, but from what I have found, you weren't exactly the best person to date either Church." I throw back.

"Oh shut up Lockett. Yeah we had our problems, that's why we broke up!"

"Only for you two to get back together several times after. Seriously Church, just move on and find someone else. Honestly if you are both unhappy, and you clearly are, just find someone else both of you!" I angrily shout at him.

Church sighs and says "If only it were that simple."

 _Line Break_

I had just finished fixing the tank to which both Sheila and Lopez graciously thanked me, Tucker then calls me over to the base. We were now gathered on the roof of the base checking on Caboose.

"Man Caboose, you were asleep for a really long time!" said Tucker. "What were you dreaming about?"

"Okay nothing." he happily replies, "I do not like to dream, I try not to think while I'm sleeping."

"Something seems off about him." I whisper to Fergo.

"I know, I think O'Malley might have damaged something. We'll just have monitored him for now and see what's changed."

I nod while Tucker mocks Caboose with "That's how you function while you're awake too."

"I think consistency is important." he responds.

"Can't argue with that." I mumble.

"At least you look okay responds Church."

"But that's only the armor Church." reminds Fergo. She turns to him, "Sweetie how do you feel?"

"I feel great! Especially now that my mommy and daddy like people are here now!" Caboose shouts. While Fergo and I are processing the new information while Tucker is laughing at ur new titles, Caboose turns to Church and asks "Who are you again?"

"OH COME ON! Not THIS again! How can you not remember me!" complains Church.

"Oh of course I remember you!" No he doesn't, "You're Marvin!"

"I'm Church!"

"I think I would remember a name that ridiculous. Nope, you are definitely Bill."

"I think I like him better this way," I whisper and Fergo silently agrees.

"You killed me with a tank."

"Dave."

"You insulted my girlfriend." Doe Caboose actually know these people or is he just throwing out names?

"You called her a cow."

"Darren."

"Dude he called her a slut." laughs Tucker.

"Phineas."

"You're whole life is based around pleasing me." Why anyone would bother I don't know.

"Infact I think you're kinda obsessed with being my best friend."

Caboose then turns to us, "Pssst! The new guys is pretty full of himself."

"New guy?" Church incredulously questions. "I'm not the new guy YOU are!"

"I dunno, I kinda like it." responds Tucker.

"Yeah we could get use to calling you rookie." Fergo laughs.

"Oh yeah? Could you get use to me beating you to death?" threatens Church, an empty threat I might add.

"That would never happen!" I laugh while he just glares.

"What's wrong with a rookie? He seems mad." Caboose whispers again.

"Oh son of a bitch." grumbles Church.

 **Author's note: Sorry it took so long to write this. I got caught up reading other people's fan fiction. I'm so sorry. I promise I'll try to update more.**


	9. Polygon of Deception

**Author's Note: To the guy who wanted smut, there probably won't be any for Tucker and Fergo. There would be no way for me to write a lemon between them, I could I guess reference it, but that's about it.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

Polygon of Deception

Poor Church and Caboose, it's kind of funny how Caboose has to relearn who Church is though. I don't know how but we eventually get Caboose to at least I don't know, acknowledge Church's existence or whatever. I have been noticing weird things in our base lately. It seems that Tucker and Fergo aren't the only couples that have formed. Speaking of Tucker and Fergo, I think I might call it Tucko or something...tug-tug-Tug…Tug-o-war…, anyway, the two I caught were Lopez and Sheila.

We are infact spying on them right now, "Man, Lopez and Sheila have been spending a lot of time together." comments together.

"Like you and Fergo?" he then looks at me waiting for my explanation. "You act like I don't notice when you two walk off together."

He shakes off the comment and then says, "Still, never thought I would see a robot and a tank fall in love."

"We aren't exactly the most normal army Tucker." he silently agreed.

"I don't like it!" We all stare at Caboose. "He is not good enough for my Sheila!"

"I don't know Caboose, they seem pretty happy together." comments Tucker.

Caboose then angrily counters "HE is a bad influence, and HE is taking advantage of her! SHE is young and naive...and delicate."

"Caboose, I'm pretty sure out of all of us..." I motion to our team then to Sheila, "our tank is probably the least delicate."

"Yeah she weighs like 200 tons dude." comments Tucker.

Caboose again angrily counters back with "She is a precious flower!"

 _Line break_

So Tucker was sent to talk to our mechanical team members. I don't think we were really clear on what to tell them, but Fergo said to tell them at least keep their relationship on a down low. I decided to stay back and be lazy relaxing behind one of the proportionality placed covers on the roof of our base reading a gaming magazine, I'm kind of glad they brought back _PC Gamer_ , at least I have an actual interesting magazine to read other than _LEGO_. Fergo was to the right of me watching over Tucker.

Caboose then screams "SHEILA! COME BACK TO ME! I MADE YOU A MUFFIN!" I then look up to see Caboose holding a muffin, The muffin actually seemed pretty well made, I'm kind of proud of him, he even poured motor oil on it for sheila. That's pretty cute man. I then notice Tucker tuning back to Sheila.

"Not good, it seems appears that Sheila is now aiming for canon at Tucker's face." Fergo tells us. I can't wait to hear this one.

 _Line break_

I tell Church, "Church we got a problem."

He turns to me with his head titled "Is this a new problem or did Caboose get his head stuck in the freezer again."

Fergo covers her mouth to hide her laughter and I grumble "Took us an hour to get him out with the freezer."

"It's a new one..." informs Tucker, "...Sheila and Lopez are leaving and are planning to form their own robot army. They said no one would dare oppose them." At this point all of us were staring at Tucker with wide eyes.

"WHAT? Did you try to talk them out of it?" asked Church.

"Noway! I wouldn't dare oppose them!" cries Tucker. He then turns to me and says "They did say they would spare Lockett, they said they felt it was wrong to kill a person who actually tries to take care of the mechanical ones on the team."

"Man, I guess we should separate them. Maybe it's time to get rid of Lopez." Church suggests.

"But without Lopez, you wouldn't have a body to use." warns Tucker.

"Is possenoj still an option?" asks Fergo.

"It is, but it's getting harder to do it each time, I think he's learned to fight it." answers Church.

"It makes sense." I respond They wait for me to explain. "It's like catching the flu, the first time is the easiest for a person to get infected, but the more it happened, the more the human body grows ressinet to it."

Fergo then asks, "So Church is a germ and Lopez is developing a way to counter him?" I nod. I then notice that Tucker has his rifle out.

"See something man?"

"Yeah, a red is heading for the base."

We look over to where he's looking and sure enough, we see the soldier in pink armor heading for the base.

"Alright guys he's heading for the base, we'll go and form a trap and box him in. Fergo, I want you to approach him from behind while Caboose in front. I want him alive!"

"Got it! Caboose let's go."

"Tucker I want you with me, we'll be on the roof looking over him."

"Why the roof?"

"It looks more intimidating when they have to look up to you." he chuckles.

When we reach the edge, we see Caboose and Fergon holding the Red at gunpoint, "Hey Lockett!" shouts Fergo, "We got her!"

"Alright bring her into the brig." and then I add as I walk away, "Or is it a he I don't fucking know..."

 _Line break_

"So they sent a female assassin to try and kill us." grins Tucker. "Clever but it won't work, we're immune to your feminine wiles!"

I the add "Only because Fergo would kick your ass if you tried to hit on her." Tucker awkwardly looks down while Fergo nods in agreement.

"Female?" asks the soldier in a not-so-feminine voice, "I'm not a girl, I just have light red armor."

"Pink." Tucker, Fergo, and I correct. We all laugh as the poor guy sputters.

"Hows your closet." I ask.

He clearly misses the joke, and a bit too cheerfully replies, "It's really nice, it's so big and roomy!"

"Let me know when you finally get out of it." I churckle.

He then realizes the joke and cries in disbelief, "I'm not gay!"

"If you say so." Fergo murmurs clearly not really believing the guy.

"How is that pink armor? Looks comfortable." Caboose ponders curiously.

The pink *cough* I mean lightish-red soldier turns to Caboose and replies thoughtfully, "At first I really hated it, but now it's kind of growing on me. My old armor used to chafe my thighs somethin' awful. But the crotch in this pink one is surprisingly roomy!" We just stare at him.

Fergo asks finally "Are you sure you're not gay?".

I roll my eyes and say, "Tucker come with me, we need to tell Church what's going on. Fergo, stay here with Caboose and keep an eye the prisoner." And with that, we head out.

 _Line break_

"So Tucker, Lockett, get anything out of our prisoner yet?"

"Other than the possibility that he might be a closet homo, no, not really." I respond.

"Yeah," follows Tucker, "we figured that he was here to steal back Lopex, but he won't tell us anything."

"Well...he did give us a list of crock pot recipes." I reply off the top of my head.

Church then asks with curiosity, "Do we have a crock pot?"

I reply sadly with, "We did,, but Caboose traded it, so I am planning to Fedex for a new one."

"What did he trade it for?"

"He traded it with the annoying guy from blue command. He swapped it with a mystery box." Tucker replied with quotations around the "mystery box".

"So what was in the mystery box?" asks Church again, but this time nervously.

Tucker and I share a glance before we reply at the same time, "140 jars of mayonnaise."

Church of coarse sarcastically replies "...well that was a good trade."

I shrug "It's not like we used it that much."

Looks at me in confusion and asks "What the fuck are we supposed to do with 140 jars of MAYO?"

I was about to comment, but I then shut my mouth in realization that I had nothing to really offer. Tucker on the other hand…"Hey it doubles as sunscreen." Church was about to ask but before he did he glanced at me and I simply shrug.

He then says, "...I think I've come up with a plan for how we can use Lopez and our new prisoner to get an upper hand on the Reds..." There is a stretched moment of silence before Church finishes "...the plan does not involve mayonnaise."

Tucker seemed really bummed out by that so I whisper to him, "You never know, we might b able to trade it for something." I was lucky as the suggestion seemed to satisfy him.

 _Line break_

So here we are, me, Tucker, the prisoner who's been possessed by Church...again, Fergo, and Caboose, out in the open, negotiating with the reds.

We share a glance and Tucker then faces the Red base and shouts "Hello inferior Red Squad!"

Church then goes, "We would like to talk to you about-"

"Sneak attack!" Caboose excitedly chants.

Fergo then pulls him aside "Sweetie, we aren't here to fight, we're here to negotiate."

"A sneak negotiation!" We just shrugged as we don't really feel like responding to that comment.

"Donut! Is that you?" the Red sergeant shouts.

"I guy's name is Donut?" I ask with disbelief. Church appeared to be in a similar state.

He then clears his head and shouts back "We uh… I mean they, would like to negotiate a surrender, to us. No to them, no wait no no that's right, to them, to us." I really hope they don't pray the reds didn't notice that slip up.

Tucker literally spoke my mind, "Smooth dude."

The maroon guy this time "You can't surrender Blues, we haven't attacked you! Now go home and wait for us to attack, and then you can surrender."

Fergo is pretty much scratching her head and she asks, "They do realize surrender can happen anytime during a war right?"

I sigh "I don't even care anymore honestly."

Church then goes again, "In exchange for not killing us, they, them- we, they would like to release the robot guy, and me!" While he's talking Tucker slowly turns and stares at Church making him perform a double take, "...the pink guy!"

Tucker then asks "Are you retarded?"

"I think that's debateable." chuckles Fergo, Church just sort of sits there and wallows in shame.

I just facepalm and say "If they really go for that sad excuse of an impersonation..just wow."

I am immediately snapped from my thoughts and Tucker is then hit in the leg with a sniper round, "Oh motherfucker!"

Fergo then grabs my rocket launcher from straight off my back and attempts to kill the reds, "YOU SONS OF BITCHES!" I immediately bear hug her making her drop the anti-tank weapon.

"Okay, now you're under attack! Go ahead and surrender bitch!" the maroons guy shouts now holding a sniper rifle.

Struggling to get out of my hug with her legs kicking and teeth bared, she screams "LET ME GO! I'M GOING TO CUT OFF THEIR HEADS AND SHIT DOWN THEIR NECKS FOR SHOOTING MY BOYFRIEND!"

"And if you kill them we won't get to extort them for shit!" I hiss t her.

She then calms down and grumbles, "Fine but we're killing them afterwards."

"Deal." and with that, I let her go and she walks over to Tucker to make sure he's alright.

"Alright they surrender!" Church shouts frantically while he looks at the pissed face of Tucker.

Tucker then gets up and flicks the safety off his sniper, "Fuck that, I'm pissed, let's fight."

I shrug, "Okay." I then arm my rocket launcher and Fergo with a wicked smile pulls the bolt back on her rifle.

While this is going on the Red leader shouts back, "Now that you have been thoroughly humiliated by our superior military strategy, we demand the return of our robot, and our pink private!"

Exploiting time, "Okay but there's one catch!" Church shouts. "Sarge, they want you to build two robots for their team! One for each prisoner, that they're releasing!"

The maroon guy angrily yells back "Hey that wasn't part of the deal!"

"Church why do we need two robots?"asked Tucker. I bet it's for Tex.

He turns to us and says, "You know,,, one for me, and... one for *mumbles*."

Fergo with an exasperated sigh says, "You're really doing this for Tex? Are you really still in love with her?" called it.

"Hey get off my back man. Most dead chicks aren't exactly lining up to aunt this dirt hole!" Church angrily argues back.

"This is why you never got married." I mumble to myself.

Luckily he didn't hear me, "Besides, if I don't get her a body, she's gonna steal mine anyways." I also called that.

We all agreed the his explanation, then the Red Sarent, yells, "Alright you Blue scumsuckers! What robot models did you have in mind?"

"I guess just make', just like Lopez! Except, you know, just a shell, no intelligence,"

"These new robots sound much nicer." Caboose whispers,

"That's because they sound like you." jeers Tucker.

Before any of us could comment, Chruch shouts "Oh and no Spanish! And a bigger switch!"

The n I get an idea, "Hey Church ask if they have a crock pot." I whisper.

"One more thing...Do you have a crock pot?"

"Yeah, why?"

"The blues want to trade a...mystery box for it!"

"What's in it?"

"It's a mystery I can't tell you!"

They seem to buy it, "Okay, we got a deal! Meet us in the center of the canyon at 0600 and we'll make the exchange!" the Red guy...I'm Gonna start calling him Sarge...shouted.

"Deal!" Church then turns back to us, "Okay, I gotta hurry back before Lopez and Sheila suspect anything. Make sure the pink guy doesn't run away when I leave. I mean it. I'll meet you guys back at the base."

"Got it Church." I tell him.

He then leaves the pink guy Donut's body, "Huuu-gaaa-yeee! What the…?" He looks at his surroundings, "Where am I?"

Caboose tells him, "We were just talking to your friends. But you're going to stay with us for a while."

Donut then perks up and asks "Are we gonna have a sleepover? Because that would be sweet."

Tucker and I share a glance "Sure."

Caboose with his childlike innocence "You're a nice lady. Not as nice as Ms. Fergo. She is the first nice lady!"

With a huge smile, Fergo playfully punches him in the shoulder, "Aww. Thank you Caboose, that means alot coming from you."

I turn to Tucker, "I got the crock pot back." I grin. We both share a laugh while we walk back to the base.

 _Line Break_

"So Sheila and Lopez were just gone when you got back?" asks Tucker.

"Yep," he responds popping the "p". "They even left a note." He then turns to the note behind him which is mostly just a bunch of 0s and 1s with a spanish opening and closing. "It says they've gone off to start their own robot army."

"I didn't know you could read binary." I tell Church.

"Oh I don't, I just had the computer translate it for me." I just nod, seemed like a legit response to me.

"Didn't they have a non-compete clause?" what? I don't remember making this agreement. Currently Church has gathered both me and Tucker to discuss our loss in fire power. Well this is just great.

"Also says they want us to meet them in the middle of the canyon at 0600 to discuss the terms of or defeat, and/or surrender..." continues Church, "0600. What does that mean."

"Isn't that when we're supposed to be surrendering to the reds?" answers Tucker.

"0600 is military time for 6 in the morning." I inform him.

"Are we seriously going to get up at six in the morning?" whines Tucker.

"Not as bad as boot camp." I mumble. Fergo then looks over to me and then down in my hands.

 _Line break_

"That's far enough, Lieutenant McMuffin." I swear, half of the names Caboose is giving Donut could be used as insults against him.

We are now gathered in the middle of the canyon, Reds in front of us, Sheila and Lopez on our left flank, and to our right is a cliff. We are boxed in, since we are sent into a death trap, I decided to bring a treat for my fellow soldiers.

"You made coffee?" shes aks in disbelief.

"I swear man, you are the best part of our team." laughs Tucker.

"Oh you know me." I then began handing out the cups, "Lots of cream and lots of sugar for Fergo, black with two sugars for Caboose, black for you Tucker, and black for me."

Donut then looks at me with a sad expression, "I don't get one?"

Man now I feel bad, "Sorry man, I didn't know you wanted one."

"It's okay, I'll just make a pot at red base." he shrugs.

I then remember what I need to do, "Are you there Church? Church, we're in position."

An angry Church calls back, "Hey man, I've been trying to get you on the radio for ten minutes! What's goin' on?"

"I'm still picking up the Reds' transmissions from when we broadcasted Lopez's song. I don't really listen to it, but Tucker does." I tell him.

"Well are you guys at least get anything useful from it?"

Tucker this time says, "Nah, it's just the same two guys bickering like an old married couple. I've only been listening for about 5 minutes and I can already see that their in love. Why can't they see it?"

"I bet their arguments all revolve around who does their medic like more." I laugh.

Church then changes the subject, "Alright. Get ready to launch Operation: Circle of Confusion."

"For the record..." I interrupt, "Did not agree on that name while we were making this plan."

"Uh Church? It kind of looks more like a triangle." comments Tucker.

"What?"

"Hey he's right!" I laugh, "It looks like we formed a triangle."

Church then lets out an exasperated sigh and snaps "Fine, Triangle of confusion. Rhombus of terror, parabola of mystery! Who cares? Just get the goddam show on the road!"

"Relax, alright! Sorry! Initiating primary commencement phase!" and Tucker and I step forward.

"I can see those team building exercises seemed to have not worked on Church." jokes Fergo. I can't really disagree results don't really lie.

"HELLO everyone! We're here to surrender!" Tucker shouts.

"And this time we would like to ask for one representative/prisoner from each group to cross sides!" I add.

I guess Lopez starts talking but I tune him out and instead turn to Donut, "Alright, Donut get going."

"Good bye Major cinnamon Buns! I will always remember your butter goddess!" Caboose shouts unaware that his comment just made use explode with laughter, most of all Fergo who was the loudest of us. It was enhanced even more when Caboose immediately asks, "Who was the guy?" after Donut leaves.

Then something sparks in my mind, it was similar feeling to when I forgot to turn off the Friendly Fire on Sheila, "Umm, Church? Do you think maybe in hindsight it was a bad idea for us to put Lopez around a bunch of robots?" Fergo's eyes widen in realization and Tucker nervously glances to where Lopez and Sheila were.

"Just stick to the plan Lockett. Get the first robot over there, I'll draw Lopez's fire, come on!" yep, we're screwed.

Right when the robot reaches our spot, Lopez pops out of nowhere points a gun at us and says "¡No os mováis, traidor!"

All of a sudden, I hear Sarge yell, "Donut, Frankie Zan! Get back here…"

Well this isn't good, Tucker then cries out "NO! Stay where you are! Do not go back!" This command is successful and makes Lopez and the robot stop and face us.

Then we all hear a loud radio noise, "Ow! Mother- what the hell is that noise!" cries Tucker.

We then hear Sarges say, "Red Command, come in! This is Blood Gulch Outpost Number 1! Do you read me?"

As if this day didn't get more confusing, I hear Vic answer, "Hello, hello, who's there, come in! Is that you, Sgt. Lockett? Hello!"

We then hear a confused Sarge answer back, "Prvt. who? No Vic this is Sarge, from Blood Gulch Outpost Number 1!"

"OOH! Hey there Sarge, long time no see! Sorry 'bout that I uh- anyway, uh, what can we do here for ya at Red Command today?" I currently have a theory in my head about what's going on, but I'm not sure yet.

"I'm up to my haunches in hyenas here, Vic! I need an airstrike, and I need it on the pronto!" It could be just a coincidence.

"Can do Sarge! I will send an airstrike to target the Blue forces now!"

'Course I'll… need you to fax in the airstrike requisition form…"

Sarge interrupts, "But I can't! I had to use parts from our fax machine to build Simmons 2.0!" what?

I finally speak up, "What the hell Vic, How do you know the Red team?! Why are you helping them against the Blues? What the fuck is going on here?!" Man this is really confusing, I wonder how the others guys are taking it.

Vic then nervously answer, "Sgt. Lockett, you're too! Um, ...see I uh, you guys are uh, uh, I gotta go, bad connection."

While Sarge is still shouting for Vic, I slowly turn off my radio with only one thought in my head, 'No way.'

 **Author's Note: To toughs who are still here reading, thank you so much for waiting. I'm starting to get back on schedule and I will try to make my updates sooner.**


	10. Portal

**Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue...duh!**

Portal

"TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO DIE!" cries Sarge.

Then the orange yells at Sarge, "Wait! I think today is actually a good day to retreat! Can't we push dying to a week from Friday?"

"I wish..." I mutter to myself, turns out I wasn't the only one who thought this as the maroon guy agreed with him.

Too bad Sarge just ain't havin it. I simply reach up to the side of my helmet and press record on my helmet cam, normal quality just won't cut it, thankfully, the military does provide HD helmet cams. It may have set me back 500 credits, but it was worth every cent.

He pumps his and growls, "For our ancestors!" What ancestors? He then screams "YAAAAHHHH!" and he charges forward.

Then Tucker cries out all of a sudden, "Wait everyone! Stop fighting! It's all a lie! Red is Blue! Blue is Red, it's all the same!"

Funny, I had the same revelation. Caboose th4n runs forward to join Sarge in the big "fight". What's funny is there isn't actually any...you know...fighting. Instead we have Caboose making gun noises and Sarge just pointing his gun around screaming random shit.

The Church appears near Lopez and screams, "TUCKER! Your radio's giving too much feedback, SHUT IT OFF!"

"YYAAAAHHHH! This is fun! AAAAAAHHH!" couldn't agree more Caboose. Then so many things happen at once from here

"WAIT SARGE!" cries the maroons guy, "I CAN'T HEAR WHAT THAT GUY IS SAYING!"

Sheila then rolls up behind us, funny how we didn't hear her, she points her cannon at us "Lock and Loaded." Well it was a great run.

"I LOVE BLOOD AND VIOLENCE!" wtf is wrong with that guy?

While Tucker is screaming "STOP FIGHTING, STOP FIGHTING!", he fails to notice what looks like a Covenant ghost going over the hills.

"TUCKER!" I start sprinting to him, "TUCKER GET DOWN!"

Sadly it was in vain as Tucker couldn't hear me over Sarge screaming "I'VE GOT A BONER FOR MURDER!" and himself still trying to stop the (non) fighting.

"What did you say Blue?!" asks the maroon guy.

"Hegakergerk, which!" cries Lopez as Church possess him yet again.

"KABOOM!" screams Sarge yet again.

I sprinted for Tucker as fast as I could but sadly a missile is much faster than I am.

"I SAID, THERE'S NO RED VERSUS BLUE! IT'S ALL THE-" *Kaboom* "AAAAAHH SON OF A BITCH!"

The missile hits right where Tucker was standing launching straight up into the air and then falling straight back down.

"TUCKER!" cries Fergo as she takes off to Tucker as well. We rush to his side and were relieved to find out that he was still alive, just barely.

"WHAT the hell is THAT?" cries Church.

Donut then cries in fear, "Oh my god. It's the cave devil!" the what? "Run for your lives!" Then everyone runs all over the place as stray rocket starts flying.

Then we all hear a familiar voice from the ghost, "Oops! Sorry about the big explosion."

Then a more evil sounding voice, "Sorry it wasn't bigger! Muahahahaha!"

"CHURCH! O'Malley got Doc!" I shout to him, he seems to have had the same conclusion.

Whatever he was going to say was interrupted as well all dove for cover as O'Malley (and Doc) lobbed another rocket at us. Everyone starts firing at the former medic and Church runs off with one of the robots. Lopez and Sheila chase after him.

"I need a medic!" I scream.

This gets the attention of the magenta colored soldier and she comes running up to me and says, "I'm a medic."

"I need your help follow me!" We then take off to Fergo who is trying stop the bleeding from Tucker's wounds.

She's pulls out her med bag and begins removing the shrapnel from Tucker's wounds. While Fergo and I watch her operate, I couldn't help but notice how she didn't hesitate to treat my friend even though he was on the opposite team. She didn't even care, this is what a true medic is, a person who would go out of their way to try and save a soldier regardless of who they were. Even though we were enemies, it seems for now, we are allies. Why couldn't Doc be this good.

"Hey kid what's your name?" I ask her.

Without looking up from her work, "It's Rowe." she tells me, "Jaclyn Rowe, everyone just calls me Doc Rowe." Her voice was soft and contained a slight accent different from Sarge, but still sounded Southern.

"You're accent sound familiar, where you from?" I ask.

"I grew up in Bayou Chene, Louisiana. I was studying to be a doctor at Stanford, but I enlisted when I heard there was a civil war going on. I said I wanted to be a medic and help my fellow soldiers. I was on the first ship out." She then looks up and notices Fergo who was currently holding to Tucker's hand as if doing this would allow him to stay.

"You're awfully young to be this experienced. How old are you?" Weird time to be curious but she didn't seem to mind.

"I'm 25." damn that's actually pretty young, looks like she joined here voluntarily.

"He'll be fine..." says, Doc Rowe, "His armor did its job and absorbed most of the explosion." She pulls out a needle and thread, "I've already removed the shrapnel, the biofoam should help sell his wounds. All I got to do is stitch him up and give him a day's rest."

Her reassurance calms Fergo exponentially, "Can I at least stay with him?"

"It stupid if you didn't." Rowe laughs.

"Thank you." I tell her, and I raise my hand offering a handshake. Fergo can't even make the words she just instead cradles Tucker with tears of joy.

She accepts the handshake and says, "You don't need to thank me. I'm just doing my job." She then walks away with her kit back to her team, "Oh and one more thing.." I turn and face her, "I didn't catcher your names."

"Oh right, I'm Lockett and she's Fergo." she then tips her helmet and walks off.

Church then runs up to us, "How is he?"

"He's going to be fine." I then notice that Tucker has woken up, " But I think he has something to say to you."

He wheezes "Church, the purple guy, he's-"

"Yeah I know, it's O'Malley. He must have gotten the medic somehow."

"No!" interrupts Tucker, "He's an asshole." He then laughs.

"Give him some painkillers." Fergo does just that and Tucker falls asleep.

"Papa Lockett?" that's a nw on, "How come Tucker gets to naps during battles and don't?" Caboose innocently asks.

I was about to respond but our attention is then grabbed by evil laughter.

"Help! He took Lopez!" cries Sheila.

"Well that's not good." I mumble.

"What? Where's he go?", Church then starts looksign around for him.

We then turn all our attention to the Red Base. On top of it, we see Doc with Lopez next to him.

"Here I am you fools!" he screams.

"How'd he get up there so quick?" asks Church.

"Well he has an alien hover bike, maybe he drove there." I mutter.

"That guys wicked fast!" shouts Donut in surprise.

A flattered Doc then shouts back "Thanks, I lettered in track in high school! It was the least directly competitive sport I could find!" Sounds like a shit school if track wasn't that competitive.

"Track sucks." boss the orange guy, okay I wouldn't go that far.

O'Malley then jeers back, "You suck! And now I make my escape with my metallic hostage, never to be seen again! Unless I want to be seen, in which case, if I see you before you see me..." he pauses dramatically, "...look out!"

"Sounds generic." mumbles Fergo, I nod in agreement.

"The universe will be mine! Hahaha!" he manically laughs.

"Lopez, no!" cries Sheila. Whit that, they both disappear into the hissing green teleporter.

"Everyone, hold your fire! We're coming out!" shouts Church. We then make our way to the Reds, "Truce time out!"

The orange one is the first to speak, "Will someone explain what just happened here?"

Rowe is the one to answer, "The lousy medic on the hoverbike shot one of their men and ran off with Lopez."

"But we need Lopez for very specific reasons that we don't have to explain to you!" complaints Sarge. "We have to get him back!"

"And he have to get Doc back." I also add. "We can't just leave him there with O'Malley. It doesn't matter how bad he is"

"So now we are forced to work together. How ironic." the orange one sarcastically replies.

The marron guy then interrupts, "No, that's not ironic. Ironic would be if we had to work together to hurt each other." Damn I wonder where this is going.

"No," adds Donut, "ironic would be instead of that guy kidnapping Lopez, Lopez kidnaps him!" That makes no it's not.

"I think it would be more ironic if Doc was actually a better medic than me and he was just too lazy to show it." says Rowe.

"I think it would be ironic if our guns didn't shoot bullets..." adds Sarge, "...but instead squirted a healing salve that cured all wounds." That sounds like _Team Fortress 2_ or something.

"I think it would be ironic if everyone was made of iron." I think Caboose took it to literal there.

Fergo added hers, "It would be ironic if we aren't real but instead we are just computer programs inside a fake world while the outside is like a giant apocalypse."

"What like the _Matrix_?" I ask.

"Yeah exactly." They then all turn to me for mine.

"Well, I think it would be ironic if we weren't actually fighting a real war, instead it was proxy war set up by Private Military Corperation to field test their new equipment and train their soldiers while we were the guinea pigs and we didn't know the wiser."

"That's actually a pretty good one." compliments Rowe.

"Thanks."

 _2 Hours Later_

Now gathered on the Red base, "Okay. We all agree, that while the current situation, in not totally ironic..." Church says slowly, "..the fact that we now have to work together, is odd..." he then pauses to make sure we all got it, "...in an unexpected way, that defies our normal circumstances. Is everybody happy with that?"

They all say "Yes."

Then the maroon guy who I learned was Simmons and I walk up, "Okay I've got the teleporter working again, and Sinon's here had finished reprogramming our teleporter, to take us directly to Lopez and O'malley's coordinates."

"I thought you said you couldn't fix the teleporter." ask Church.

"Well, you were asking me to find out why it fired our armor, that has more to do with programing than maintenance." I explain.

"We'll leave two members of each team so that no one can trick anyone and take over the canyon." adds Sarge.

"Our man will be Donut. Our medic also will stay behind, she volunteered."

"We will leave Corporal Croissan'wich!"

"Caboose." Church sternly scolds.

"We will leave Tucker and Momma Fergo..." thats also new to me, but seeing how Fergo reacted, Caboose must have been saying it for a while, "...also Sheila, since she's too big to fit."

"Yeah THANKS guys, because you know if this is a trick, I'm sure we can hold them off on my own." poor Donut.

"Alright, let's go in one at a time." I offer.

Church adds, "You first Sarge."

"Today seems like a good day to teleport." He then runs in the entrance, "Geronimo!"

"Piscataway!" yellows Caboose and he follows.

I was about to enter but I noticed Simmons looking around, "Hmm..." he said.

"What's wrong?" asks the orange one now named Griff.

"I just had a really weird feeling that I'm never going to see this place again." he responds.

"And that's a BAD thing?" asks Griff.

"Oh, I didn't say weird BAD, I just said weird." he reassures. He then runs in.

"Funny, I had the same thought. See you guys on the other side." I then run after Simmons.

 _Line break._

It took a few moments to reach the place, the trip was really bright and I couldn't really see anything, when I came out I ran into Simmons by accident almost knocking him over.

"Watch it!"

"Sorry."

He then looks around, "Uh guys?" he then turns to me "Where is everybody?"

"I think the proper question is where are WE?" I add.

 _Line break_

"Hello? Is anybody here?"

Turns out Simmons is actually kind of a decent guy. Even if he is kind of wimpy and dorky, but honestly, he's one of the more better members of Red team, maybe he just needs the right push in the right direction.

"This is just great." Simmons groans.

"I guess we all got separated in the teleporter. Try and call them." I tell him as I walk over to a bench and sit down.

He nods and turns on his radio, "Sarge! This is Simmons 2.0, do you read me? Apparently you plan to chase Lopez and Doc has failed miserably..."

"You don't seem to be surprised." I mutter, he shakes his head, man how bad is their leader?

"Lockett and I appear to be stuck in some kind of nexus of teleporters which could take me anywhere in the universe." Kind of dramatic, I've seen this joke, something dramatic followed by what it is reality.

"Or it's the janitor's closet -" bingo, "the hell I don''t fcuking know!"

"It's probably the janitor's closet." I tell him, he rolls his eyes.

He then says again, "Sarge! Are you there, Sarge!"

"Anything?" I ask.

"No, we must be out of range." Simmons groans and sits down next to me, "What do we do now?"

"I say, we should try to mess with the teleporters. Maybe we can rewire the teleporters into a radio and use them to home in on their signal." I suggest.

"You sure that's a good idea?" Simmons asks slightly worried at the possibility of the plan blown up in our face.

"It's better than sitting around doing nothing, come on, I'm a mechanical engineer and you're a computer tec., let's put our heads together and figure something out." encouragement is always a good first step to use to get people to do things.

He pauses to consider his choices, "Fuck it." He then gets up and we go to on of the teleporters to being our work.

 _Line break_

For the last hour, Simmons and I have been working to rewire the teleport in a radio to call Sarge.

"Okay, let's see; I'll wire this thing into that… then maybe I can get a signal boost on that thing there..." ponders Simmons.

"Then you should put there and link it with this so we can get a stable channel." I add. We then stand up to turn it on, "Okay that should work."

"CABOOSE! CABOOSE, KEEP THEM AWAY FROM ME!" cried Sarge.

When the image came clear, we saw both Sarge and Caboose back-to-back fending off what seemed to be other Red and Blue guys.

"GET THAT ONE! AND THAT ONE!" Sarge ordered. "NO, NO! The one on the left. GET EM-"

Simmon's then sits in, "Sarge? Is that you?"

Caboose then cries, "I don't want to kill..." he fires another burst into a soldier, "but I don't want to die eve more-"

"Sarge! Caboose! Can you hear us?" I call out to them.

Caboose then turns and faces Sarge right as Sarge pistol whips a soldier, "Yes, I heard you Sargent."

Sarge confused turns and says, "I didn't say anything, Numb-nuts! Caboose,we have to break this never ending cycle of attack and retaliation." He then makes eye contact with the Blue soldier, "Either by A) convincing the two sides to live in peace, or B) by getting ourselves completely involved and kicking some serious ass! I vote B" explains Sarge. At this point Simmons and I a speechless to Sarge's plan.

"Lets try and boost our signal even more before we talk to them." I suggest, he nods and we get to work while still listening to the pair.

Caboose seemed to completely understand Sarge, "I have a plan, Sargent, but we will have to move quick." Caboose then walks up to Sarge, "Listen..." he then proceeds to whisper his plan. While he's doing that, I notice that Caboose shot his name into the wall, not bad kid.

"Do you think that will work?", asks Caboose.

Sarge just stares at him and then he asks, "That's your plan? All you said was whisper, whisper,whisper." Can't really argue with Sarge there.

"I know, I just wanted to be the one with the plan for once." responds Caboose.

Sarge groans and then says, "Come on, I have an idea." He then leads Caboose away. Simmons and I had no idea what they were planning, but by then they had already left. And then we lose signal.

"Damn see if we can get them back.." I tell him and he nods.

 _Line break_

"That should do it." Simmons then gets up, "Ready?"

I nod, "Let 'er rip."

When we regain Sarge and Caboose's signal, they were standing on a platform holding the flags they have taken from the other bases. So that was Sarges plan on stopping the fighting, clever. The soldiers seemed to stop fighting for a moment, only to go back to fighting again. Then all of a sudden, Caboose goes ape shit and just starts massacring any soldier that gets in his way. Man this is going to be a long day.

"Sarge! Caboose! Can you hear us?" asks Simmons.

"Simmons Two-Point-O? Sgt. Lockett?" Sarge replies in surprise.

"We reconfigured a teleporter to allow us to communicate with you..." I explain, "we're going to get you guys out of there."

"Damn right, you need to do it ASAP!" Sarge growles.

"Get to your teleporter and I'll see what we can do from here." Simmons tells him.

Srage nods, "Okay."

"Oh and Sarge?" Sarge turns back to Simmons, "It's really great to see you again."

"Oh, kiss my ass some other time." Sarge laughs.

"Whatever you say sir!" Simmons happily replies.

I look over to him, "You just couldn't resist could you?" Simmons produces a cheshire grin and shakes his head. We then start to rewire the teleporter...again.

 _1 minute later_

"Okay we're here, you two hurry up!" cries Sarge.

"Sarge we're going as fast as it's safely deemed possible!" I yell back.

"Well hurry up!" Sarge yells back!

"Just shut up and let us do this! If we get this wrong we could accidently vaporize you!" that shut him up right away.

Then Caboose starts talking, and...wtf do I even say to this? "Your- Toast- Has- Been- Burned- And- No- Amount- Of- Scrap-ing- Will- Remove- The- Black- Parts-"

Simmons looks over to me for an explanation and I just threw my hands up and give him an 'I don't fucking know' look.

"Oh, shut up Caboose!" Sarge retorts.

Simmons then shouts, "Okay there, come through now!"

"Come on Caboose!" and with that they run through the teleporter and we close it behind them.

"Daddy!" Caboose squeals and then pulls me into a hug. A hug which I return with no regrets.

"It's good to see you're alright Caboose!" I smile.

"That was pretty close." breathes Simmons.

"So who were they?" I ask.

"Oh they were just some kids crazy about their flag." Caboose explains. I look over to Sarge and he nods in agreement. I simply shrug and accept the answer.

Sarge then says to us, "Simmons Lockett! I give you both an F in efficiency, but I have to give you an A+ in dramatic timing and safety regulation!"

Then Simmons starts rambling, "Thank you sir. I've always felt that presentation is what matters most!" I just stare at him.

Caboose then pipes up, "What happened? The last thing i remember was a very mean kitten. And then we were in this janitor's closet and my throat hurts. A lot."

I grab Simmons shoulder, "Called it, janitor's closet."

Simmons shakes his head, "What was that place Sarge?"

"Simmons, I have absolutely no idea." Sarge responds truthfully. "So what about you two?"

We then sit down at the nearby bench and Simmons and I start explaining what happened to us.

 _One brief piece of exposition later_

"...And that brought you back here." finishes Simmons.

I then explain our idea, "Theoretically, one of these teleporters should transport us back to Blood Gulch, or anywhere else we want to go. Got all that?"

"Yes." responds Caboose then followed by, "No. What does, 'thermaretically' mean?" Oh Caboose.

"I probably could've saved a lot of time by telling you these things work by magic." sighs Simmons.

"Thats your fault bro." I laugh.

"I thought you told the story well." At least even though Caboose is not the smartest one of us, at least he's the most polite, I gotta give him that. "I liked all the parts with me in them." he then whispers causing me to chuckle at his antics.

"Any idea which ones go where?" asks Sarge.

"No." I tell him, "We found you guys by accident, it's probably not a good idea to start using teleporters at random."

"We should definitely take the green one." suggests Caboose.

"Caboose, sshh." I tell him and he nods in understanding.

"We've gotta find a way to contact them!" cries Sarge.

Then something strange happens, Sarge's radio picks up a call, "Come in, Sargeant dude." It's Vic. "Hello, Sergeant dude. Are you there?"

"Vic?" asks Sarge voicing our confusion.

"Got some big news for you dudes." Vic excitedly responds. "We've tagged one of the blue team members."

"Tagged?" asks Sarge.

"Yeah! Someone hired a hitman! It should be the one in Aqua armor, a Corporal Tucker. Anyway I can't talk much more about it, see you around dude!"

We then all then have to same idea, well maybe except Caboose, 'well shit'

"Simmons, we need to get back to Blood Gulch now!"

 **Author's note: Thank You for reading, if you have any comments be sure to leave a review let me know what you liked or didn't like, see you next chapter.**


	11. FUBAR

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Red vs Blue.**

FUBAR

Right now, Simmons and I are working on the teleporter trying to find Griff and Church. We haven't made much progress so far.

"Eureka's hammer! I got it!" Sarge cries with excitement...I swear I could see the light bulb above his helmet. "I put a listening device on one of the suits of armor I built." I then realize where he's going with this,

"And we can use the signal from the armor to find them!" I finish Sarg noids in agreement.

"But which one Sarge? Isn't one a huge bomb?"asked Simmons.

I tune to Sarge, "A what?"

"Dang nabit Simmons! You spilled the beans on our secret fall back plans incase the Blues betrayed us!" Sarge scolds while Simmons looks down in shame.

"I'm going to ignore the fact that you built a bomb in one of the bodies because that's so you...but you waited till now to tell us?" Sarge nods. "If this bomb of yours bites us in the end, I'm going to KILL YOU! Then I'm going to bring back from hell and kill you again!" I growl making Sarge take a step back.

"Yeah." chuckles Sarge, "Wouldn't turn that on." Then he puts his hand on his chin and says, "Or maybe I should."

I rub my face with my hand, "Why dare I ask?"

Sarge smiles and then says, "That way we could follow the enormous explosion and huge plumes of smoke directly to them! It's just like a homing device! But Indian style." He then stares at me with this huge grin waiting for my approval. My mind is just blank I turn to Simmons waiting for his response.

"I assume what you mean sir, is directly to the crater that they left." corrects Simmons. Well at least he tried applying a bit of logic to this,

"Though crudely delivered I see your point." responds Sarge. "Let's go with the listening device."

Followed by Simmons chirping "Great idea sir."

"Yes it was." beams Sarge. I simply throw my hands up like 'whatever, let's just go'.

"Can I push the button to make it go?" begs Caboose. "Please?" I did a double take as he literally just appeared right next to me. I quickly calm and look over to Sarge. Sarge then nods, I guess he's vulnerable to kids too.

"Sure kiddo." I smile warmly to him, "But just this once." I warn. I back off and Sarge and Caboose the remote.

"Yay!" he runs over a grabs it, "Thanks."

Sarge chuckles, "What a little rascal."

Caboose then walks back over to Simmons and brags, "I pushed the button."

Then Simmons turns and angrily growls, "Stay away from him, he's mine." Is Simmons really getting jealous from Sarge letting Caboose do something just to be nice? It doesn't matter, my thoughts were interrupted when I heard a voice.

"Man I hate this, this sucks!" whinned a voice.

My ears seem to perk up, "Hey!" I call out, "That's Church."

Then we hear another voice "I just wanna lay around and do nothing."

"I think that's Grif!" Sarge says with surprise.

"Right after I take this nice, warm, bubble-bath."

Then all of use, other than Caboose correct ourselves when we learn the voice's proper identity, "Donut."

Simmons then runs forward, "Let me see if I can lock onto that signal." A few moments later, "Okay, got it, Sarge go ahead."

Sarge turns on his radio, "Comin in, Donut, come in. Donut, do you read me? Come in." A few seconds go by before we hear a response.

"Sarge, you gotta help me!" Donut frantically cries. "You left me and Doc Rowe with two blues and a tank, but now there are three!"

"Vic was right, it was a trap all along! Listen, Donut. Vic told me all about the blue plot." Sarge responds. "That fella Tucker is gonna make up things, crazy things about the Red and Blues. You can't listen to him, you just can't!"

Before Donut could respond, we hear a faint "Donut stop screwing around." Another voice soon joins the commons, it's Doc Rowe.

"Sarge, Tucker has made a full recovery. Donut is just upset that the special ops girl came back, I think he's worried about Tex since he killed her the first time." she informs the Sargent.

"Sarge, what do we do?" Donut asks.

Sarge replies back "Don't let him catch on that you know. Just act like you normally do;" yeah about that...Sarge then corrects himself, "wait, not like you, act like someone more brave. And smarter. And more masculine, for God's sake. And Rowe, I need you to stay alive, you are the most useful member of our team!"

"Besides the fact I doubt Donut could be more masculine," I'm glad she shares my thoughts, "The fact that they havn't shot at us and in fact talk to us like normal people is a good sign."

"I don't care, just stay frosty." he barks back.

"Okey-dokey Sarge!" Donut chirps before Sarge turns off the radio.

"He's a dead man Simmons, I can only imagine all the horrible things the Blues will do to Rowe!" Sarge tells Simmons.

"Yes, oh what inhumanities." I mutter to myself.

Simmons then responds to Sarge, "It's okay Sir, I thought that you two were getting too close anyway and that's not good for the chain of command. I'm Rowe has a good chance of surviving. She's the best soldier in our squad...are...second to you of course Sir." I think Simmons has superiority issues.

Sarge then says, "Try to open a teleporter to them. I'll see if I can locate the other armor."

"Yeah!" Caboose shouts, "More button pushing!" He then raises Sarge's remote and points to the button for the bomb.

"Caboose put that down! That's not a toy!" I scold.

"Yeah CAboose! Don't touch that!" Simmons angrily shouts.

He ignores us, "This is the button to find Chruch!"

"Caboose no!" I rush over and try to grab it but it's too late, Caboose pushes it.

"Uh oh." murmurs Sarge.

"Well shit." I curse as a whine starts to emit from the remote.

"Uh guys, did he do what I think he just did?" asks Simmons nervously.

"Church is going to be so happy with me!" I face palm.

 _Line Break_

"Okay, we traced the bomb activation to Sidewinder." informs Simmons.

I then turn to Sarge and ask, "How much time do we have left?

Instead of Sarge answering, its Donut, "Everyone here is set to transport."

"I'm not going through that time." Tucker grumbles. "I'm serious."

"Tucker don't be such a baby." sighs Fergo.

Sarge then turns off his radio, "We need to get there as soon as possible."

"Agreed." I answer, "Simmons, did you set their teleporter to take hem straight to Sidewinder?"

"I walked Donut and Fergo through it." Simmons answers. "They said they did everything right, but I figure they have fifty-fifty chance of ending up in Sidewinder, or in the middle of deep space." Personally, I think I have faith in Fergo, though the Donut bit does make me nervous.

"What about us?" Sarge asked.

"We programmed ours. We're fine." reassures Simmons.

"I find the risks acceptable." finishes Sarge. I shrug, can't really argue with that.

"I never knew a Philip screwdriver was the X one." comments Donut, "Do you think it's named after a guy named Philip?" I slowly place my palm into my face, "That guy Philip must have a fucked up shaped head."

"Yeah," responds Tucker, "screw this, I'm walking."

Sarge pulls out his shotgun and says, "Alright let's saddle up. Don't worry Griff and Church! The here comes the cavalry!" He then cries "YAAAAAAAAAAGH!" cocks his shotgun and runs through the teleporter...only to come out of the teleporter behind us. He looks around at us in confusion.

Simmons then says, "Uh sir? The teleporter I reprogrammed is over there." He then turns and points to his right. I simply give out another sigh.

"Oh well." replied Sarge, "Heads up, evildoers! Here we come to save the- Aw, forget it, let's just go." He then runs into the correct teleporter. I throw my hands up like 'whatever', I pull out my rocket launcher and run in after him.

 _Line Break_

We are the ones who reach Sidewynder first, the only thing left to do is wait for Donuts group.

"Okay here they come." informs Simmons.

Tex is the one who runs out first...right past us to do...shit I really could care less about. Then followed by Donut who stops right in front of Sarge.

"Yeah! I knew I could fix the teleporter." cheers Donut.

Then Fergo comes out as well, "It worked." Fergo shouts in surprise, "I guess your hands aren't just for manicuring after all!" Donut gives a confident nod, Fergo then walks over to Caboose.

"OW! CRAP!" cries a figure in black armor. Right when the figure *Tucker* stops, Rowe comes out and crashes into Tucker's back.

"Sorry!" she gets up and dusts herself off and then looks up in surprise. "I who's the guy in black armor?"

"It's Tucker, his armor gets fried everything he goes through the teleporter." she laughs. Rowe nods her head slowly in understanding.

"That's not funny!" growls Tucker, Fergo chuckles and shrugs.

Caboose then runs forward, "Tucker! I am so glad to see you! Here, let me help you clean your armor off. By rubbing you all over." They then proceed to go outside of the building we were in.

"Oooh! Let me help!" Donut offers.

"Absolutely! Admiral Buttercrust!" Oh Caboose, I let out a laugh.

"So Sarge, Lockett, what's the plan?" Simmons asks us.

I calmly tell him, "The first priority is finding Church and Griff, then we gotta defuse the bomb."

"Well maybe not Grif." Sarge implies.

"Fine, we might find Griff on the way." I tell him, lucky for me, he seemed satisfied with that plan.

"What's next?" asked Sarge.

"Then we find Lopez and we rescue his files." Sarge then turns to me, "Sorry but that part is for us Reds alone, since those plans were meant for us." I once again shrug...feel like I've been doing that a lot lately, hmmm.

On our search for Church and Griff, we make our way into the middle of the valley, then O'Malley walks up onto the ledge in front of us with Lopez right next to him and we immediately snap our weapons to him

"Muahahahaha! You fools have fallen right into my hands! Only now, do you realise the folly of your follies!" Okay, what? "Prepare for an oblivion for which there is no preparation! Muahahahahah!" Great, I can't wait.

"O'Malley!" Simmons bravely speaks up...only because no one else really wants to, "The Reds and Blues are working together now. You can't hope to beat us!"

"You fool!" O'Malley jeers. "My metallic friends is the only ally I need." He turned to Lopez, "Lopez, activate weather control routines."

Lopez replies, "Okay." Then all of a sudden, Lopez is engulfed in this bright white light. Then lighting starts arcing from Lopez as he is surrounded by rectangular holograms.

"Are those runes symbols a sign of some ancient technology?" asks Simmons.

"Okay Simmons." I lugh. "You're taking it too far now.."

"He's right." calls Doc. "I used to draw them on my binder during study hall." Wow, that is pretty dumb. Not a bad design though. "I always wanted to use them for something. Aren't they cool?"

"Shutup!" hisses O'Malley.

"Oh Sampson's back hair!" cries Sarge, I don't even know what to respond to that. "They found our secret weapon." He begins to tell us,"I developed a weather control device."

"You waited until now to tell us!" shrieks Fergo.

Sarge tries to defend himself, "We never got it to work, I was missing one critical piece of technology to make it work."

"Hahaha, yes" laughs O'Malley, evilly of course, "And now that I've located those "D" batteries, the Universe will be mine! Hahahaha!" After hearing that I just looks at Sarge with a 'Really?' look while everyone else crashes to the floor anime style.

"Are you serious?" Tucker asks in frustration, "You couldn't find D batteries."

Sarge gives his only excuse, "Only in gas stations, and they're just so darn expensive there!"

"Yeah, Sarge can be really cheap sometimes." Rowe sheepishly replies.

Church runs up behind us out of nowhere, "What's going on?"

I simply ask him, "You want the long version or the short?"

Sarge then begins, "Basically you've got a fifty megaton bomb in your gut-"

"Ten sir." Simmons corrects.

"And Lopez is about to kill us all." I finishes.

"That didn't make any sense, what's the long version?" asked Church.

"Really?" sighs Fergo, "Everyone here got it except you."

"That was the long verion." answers Tucker, "The short version is "we're boned"."

Right as Tucker finished, Griff finally catches up and Simmons asks, "Hey Grif, are you okay?"

"I've done hard time, Simmons. I'm not the man you used to know." responds Grif solemnly.

"You were only in there for five hours." Rowe replies with a deadpan look.

"Time moves slower on the inside Simmons." explains Griff, "It seemed like seven or eight hours to me." That still makes your argument invalid as it's still less than a day in captivity. Then suddenly, the rocket flies past us and hits a tree to our left.

"You foolish fools will never defeat me!" O'Malley laughs. He fires another rocket at us, "You're far too busy being foolish! HAH, OBLIVION IS AT HAND!" Simmons runs behind a tree while Sarge, Grif, and I cower down behind a boulder.

While we were firing back at him Simmons gets an idea, "Sarge, Lockett, I have an idea, but I need you to distract him!"

"Will do!" Sarge shouts back. He turns around and looks at Grif, "Grif...I've never believed in you. Not even for a moment!" He then pauses for dramatic effect, "But, now...is your chance to prove yourself. To me." This is too good to be true.

"What can I do Sarge?" Grif asks sincerely. I'm not buying that Sarge is being serious, I'm waiting for the impossible plan that will get Grif killed.

"I need you to run right at O'Malley." explains Sarge.

"And shank him with my Shiv?" asks a confused Grif.

"No." Sarge answers. "When he blows you up with the rocket, try to see if you can get your dismembered limbs and guts to clog the barrels of his rocket launcher." There is the impossible plan that will surely get Grif killed.

"You're kidding?" asked Grif whose jaw just dropped at the absurd plan.

"I'm afraid not man." I chuckle.

"It's a remote chance I know..." Sarge solemnly replied, "But it's worth a shot."

"OOOOOBLIVION IS AT HAND! Muahahahaha!" O'Malley screamed. He was now standing directly in front of us with his rocket launcher ready.

"Cover your ears guys!" Doc instructs, "This thing is REALLY loud!"

"This is it!" Grif cries.

"Aw man, well it was one hell of a run." I glumly say.

Then Simmons our savior rns out and says "Not so fast O'Malley!" Soon all eyes were on the maroon armored soldier. "Maybe we can't stop you, but I know who can!" To the left of Simmons. A white door opens up and out comes…

"Alright new level! Yeah!" and army of Red and Blue soldiers, I think they are the flag fanatics that Sarge and Caboose ran into.

Simmons grabs their attention, "Hey guys you want your flag?" He then points to O'Malley, "He's the one that has it!" They all make eye contact with the A.I. and medic duo.

The lead red fanatic steps forward and preaches, "The Crusade has begun! Our Hour of Glory is now at hand! Let all who would stand against us be washed in our divine light!" They all open fire on O'Malley.

"Get away from me!" O'Malley cries as he hopelessly tries to run from the mob. "Ouch! Ow! Stop it!" We could only stare at the bespectacled in front of us, I guess he forgot to reload his launcher.

Simmons runs over to us and regroups, "Come on Sarge!" I grab his soldier, "We need to disarm Church's bomb!"

Sarge quickly replies, "Right!"

While we are running over to Church, "Hey Simmons, not a bad idea."

"Uh...Thanks it was nothing." I guess hes not use to people giving him praise...We'll work on that.

"Yow! Whoo=hoo-hoo!" cris Church as he is shocked by the lighting coming from Lopez.

"Sold still, son. This'll just take a second." explains Sarge as he kneels down.

Church incredulously asks, "Don't you ever install anything above the waist?"

"Oh no!" Sarge cries in horror, "That ;last lighting bolt fused the denominator! There's no way to turn this way off!" Oh shit!

"Can't you do it manually?" asked a worried Rowe.

"Impossible." this caused me to raise my eyebrow at this.

"Why?" I suspiciously ask.

"I specifically designed it so that I wouldn't be able to defuse it." Sarge explains. "OW!" He then suddenly cries in pain.

Turns how Fergo had just smacked him across the head, "You IDIOT! Why did you do that?!"

Now nursing the bump on his head Sarge replied, "In case I fell into the wrong hands, and was brainwashed to help the blues!"

"Sarge, that kind of doesn't make sense." Rowe sheepishly comments.

"Well I think it was a great idea." retorts Simmons, "Yo have to be prepared for anything, especially involving the blues.

"Thanks." I mumble.

"You had to get just one last ass-kiss in before we died didn't you?" Grif jeers.

Meanwhile, I look over to O'Malley and he is...currently getting tea bagged by the fanatics.

"No, not-! That's disgusting! What are you doing?" I almost feel sorry for him, too bad he tried to kills us. "I'm being violated!"

"Church there is only one thing I can do." I turn to Tucker and see him holding a rocket launcher, I try to feel for mine when i realise it's gone.

"Hey! That's my rocket launcher!" I protest.

"Yeah, hey what the hell!"cries Church.

"There's only 20 seconds left!" Simmons wants.

"If I blow you up before to bomb goes off, there's at least a small chance the rest of us will live!" explains Tucker.

"Wouldn't the explosion still set off the bomb Tucker?" I ask.

"Oh," Tucker then lowers the launcher, "Maybe this is such a good idea."

"And the rocket will kill me!" Church angrily cries.

Fergo shakes her head, "You're going to die when the bomb goes off anyway!"

Church turns to us with a smirk, "What can I tell you? Misery loves company."

"Five seconds!" cries Simmons.

"Tucker do it!" I cry.

"Man this blows! You guys suck!" complains Church. *BAM* and the launcher comes flying out of Tucker's arms.

"What the hell?" Tucker cries in surprise. We then see a guy in white armor standing on the hill looking over us with his sniper rifle pointing at us..

He then in a British accent tells us, "Sorry Corporal Tucker, but I always get my man! Say goodbye mate."

"Uh guys?" Simmons nervously interjects, "I hate to interupt, but, zero seconds." We all simultaneously turn and face Church while a rapid beeping noise slows down.

Church confusedly stares at us "What? Oh son of a bit-"

 **Author's Note: Another chapter is now done. Thank you all for reading I hope you enjoyed. The updates might slow as school starts for me next week. I don't know but I hope I can make it work.**


	12. Fear the Future

**Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.**

Fear the Future

Am I dead? I could her a high-pitched ringing and I couldn't seem to feel any gravity. I opened my eyes to find me and the other Reds and Blues suspended in a floating vortex. Then I stare in surprise when I grandfather look passes by, I look around and there are a bunch of clocks. This doesn't really make much sense, I looks at everyone else and they were equally confused as I was.

"What happened?" asked Donut.

"The bomb must have gone off." Sarge replies.

"No shit Sarge." jeers Griff, he then looks around and asks, "Where are we?"

"Are we dead?" asked Simmons.

"If we are actually dead and this is the after life..." I look around me, "I think I got ripped off."

Fergo then raises her hand, "I second that opinion."

"Third." Rowe adds with her hand as well.

Caboose then passes by me and cries, "I don't want to be dead! I want to be alive!" He then places his hand on his chin and then adds, "Or a cowboy!" To be honest I wouldn't mind being a cowboy either.

Donut then groans, "Dead? Aw, man! Tomorrow was All-You-Can-Eat day at the chow hall, and I wanted to eat all that I could!"

Sarge then sighs, "We're not dead idiots! We're stuck in some kind of temporal-"

Then I noticed everything around us started to accelerate, Rowe noticed this too, "Sarge! Somethings happening!"

Sarge then cries in fear "Oh no! Heads up boys! Prepare for impact!" We all then see the ground rushing towards us and we raise our arms to brace ourselves.

 _Line break_

"*gasp*" I immediately sit up and look around and see a man in red armor right next to me, it was Sarge. I quickly shake his shoulder and he snaps awake.

He turns to me, "Lockett?"

"Sarge?" he nods, "What are you wearing?"

"I don't know." he replies with his gruff southern accent, "but it looks newer and more advanced than our last suits."

I shrug, "Anyway, where are we Sarge?"

"My guess is the future." He then looks around, "Luckily the others aren't too far away."

Then a sudden cheery voice goes "Oh hey guys!"

Sarge and I immediately jump in surprise are we turn around and we see a person in pink armor, it was Donut.

"I didn't know you guys made it into the future!" he laughs excitedly. He was tailed by the rest of Red team all donning the same armor we had.

We then quickly meet up with the others and found our weapons, I replaced my pistol with an M7 smg, I like the rate of fire and mag size.

"Well looks like we all made it." Grifs replies.

"Not everyone, we are still missing-" I was immediately cut off by another voice.

"HEY!" it was Caboose. "I found Tucker and Fergo!"

I make my way over to the hill where he was standing and sure enough, the blue couple were lying all passed out...oddly enough in each other's arms. They probably grabbed onto each other before we landed, still looks cute though. Our equipment was down at the moment so I wasn't able to find the vitals of the two, so instead I knelt down to feel their pulses.

"Alright what's the damage?" Doc Rowe asks as she kneels right next to me.

"They seem fine." I curtly reply. "Think they'll wake up?"

"They should..." ponders Rowe, "But we'll just have to wait and see."

 _Line break_

Fergo sits up all of a sudden and takes off her helmet while Tucker starts stretching his arms and legs, just as if they just woke up, then they both let out a mighty groan.

"What happened?" Tucker asks as he and Fergo start taking in their surroundings.

Donut then runs up to them, "HEY!" he shouts, "He's awake."

This all gets our attention and we start walking towards the pair.

"I still want to know why I don't get a laser gun." Griff grumbles.

"Shut up dumbass." jeers Simmons, he turns to Tucker and Fergo. "Rise and shine buttercups."

They then immediately tries to get up but Doc Rowe is instantly in their case, "Hey hey hey, take it easy you tow. You've been out awhile."

"And I thought I was lazy." jokes Grif.

"What's going on?" asks a confused Tucker.

"Yeah, and who are you people?" follows an equally confused Fergo.

Donut places his hands on his face with shock in an over dramatic manner, "He has amnesia!"

I roll my eyes, "Don't worry you tow, ignore them, you're going to be fine." I try and reassure them.

"Yeah!" cheers Donut, "You are safe! We're the Reds! We are your mortal enemies!" He then donned an unsure look and mumbles, "Wait… That didn't sound right." This causes me to face palm.

"Tucker! Mama Fergo!" Caboose excitedly calls. "I am so glad you are alive!"

Tucker and Fergo share a glance before Tucker replies in shock, "Caboose!? Still so dumb. But you look so different!"

Fergo then glares at Tucker and punches him in the arm. "Tucker! What have I told you? That's mean." Like a mother scolding her child.

"We're in the future!" I tell him.

"Yes!" Caboose nods vigorously, "Things are very shiny here!"

"The future? Oh, I can't wait to hear this one." Tucker and Fergo get up.

Fergo then moves closer to Tucker, "For what it's worth, welcome to the future." She then leans in and plants a kiss on Tucker's visor.

"Thanks." Tucker dumbly murmurs. Fergo just smiles and then puts on her helmet.

Sarge then pops up behind them, "Obviously Lopez's weather matrix combined with the power of bomb 21 to create an explosion so large..." Sarge explains, "it caused a temporal rift in time that cascaded throughout the-"

"Woah, wait a second, wait a second." Tucker interrupts. "I don't understand."

Donut then asked excitedly "Sarge! Can we do the skit, now?" This request is then backed by Simmons and Caboose. Oh boy.

"I don't want to do that dumb skit." grumbles Grif.

"Neither do I, and I'm not even in it!" I complain. Rowe just nods.

Sarge then with a sigh answers, "Fine! But only because I want to see Grif be miserable. I miss the old days"

"Great!" replies Donut. He then turns to his 'cast'. "Places everyone!" He then clears his throat and in a deep voice narrates, "The Red vs. Blue Players present a Franklin Donut Play. Written and directed by Franklin Donut. In association with Light-Red Danish Productions-"

Sarge then cuts in, "Can we just start?" Huh, I didn't know Donut was Danish.

 _Line break._

Soon we were placed in front of a quickly made stage with a curtain one side red the other side blue, Tucker and Fergo were legitly watching because they needed to be filled in on what's going on, Rowe and I just felt it was the polite thing to do.

The curtains draw and Donut is center stage "And action!" he orders.

Simmons starts to narrate, "Hello, weary traveller. We represent the timeline."

Sarge then follows, "T am the past! Where things cost less, and people knew the value of a day's work. But they only lived to be 28 years old!"

Then Simmons "And I am the future, where people have no morals and no emotions, but we have a bunch of kick-ass gadgets!"

Then Griff, "And I'm the present, which sucks. We have nothing cool, and also no morals."

"And I am the helpful narrator, a faceless character used by poor writers." Donut finishes.

Tucker then counters with, "You have a face! I think."

Donut gives him the death glare and shouts, "Shut up, audience! You're ruining my play!"

I'm am already rubbing my temples and this is only the introduction. Man this is going to suck.

"This play is making my brain hurt." I moan in pain.

Rowe pats my shoulder with sympathy "You've gotta admit though, they sure know how to captivate an audience." We look over to the blue couple and sure enough, the play had their full attention.

"That's because the play is their only source of information." I grumble. Rowe just shrugs.

Donut continues "Everything was fine with the timeline until one day, in the present..."

"Why does bad stuff always happen in the present?" complains Grif. Oh my god the question is sooo stupid!

Looks like Donut had the same thought and proceeds to answer slowly and loudly to emphasize his point "Because that's when people do stuff!"

Sarge then faces Griff, "Ah, quit your bitchin'." responds Sarge, he then points at himself. "I have atrocities and a crap-load of wars that seemed very important at the time, but now seems trivial and stupid." Story of my life.

Simmons also adds, "Yeah, I've got apocalypse. That's way worse than anything you two dipshits have." Again, story of my life, Simmons then turns to Srage and apologizes. "Sorry, sir. That 'dipshit' was in character."

"Oh." muses Sarge, "Well bravo Simmons."

"One day, in the present: a terrible thing happened!" our narrator uh...narrated.

Caboose comes out actually reading his script word for word, me and Rowe just burst out laughing at this point. Pretty sure by the way Donut is looking at us, I'll have to make it up to him later, doo thing I know how to make pizza on the battlefield.

"(Enter stage left.) Hello, I am Stupid Private Tucker," Caboose explains, "I am going to set off a big bomb now, and totally mess things up for everyone! Because I am stupid!"

"I'm pretty sure it's not Tucker's fault." I whisper to Rowe, she nods. We then turn our heads to the couple to our left. Man, if looks could kill…

"(Turns around.)" Caboose turns to Gruff, "Hello, Preset! I am going to set off a bomb in you!"

"Dan't do that, Stupid Private Tucker!" gasps Griff. "That might kill me!"

Caboose continues, "(Thinks about this for a moment.)"

Donut at this point had enough and ran up to Caboose, "Caboose!" he scolds, "Stop reading your stage directions!"

"You told me I was supposed to read anything with my name in front of it!" Caboose fires back.

"Donut kind of walked himself into that one." comments Fergo.

I shrug "Yeah."

Donut sighs at his mistake, "Just the lines, not the blocking." He then glares, "You're ruining my big debut!"

I though up my hands like whatever, "Gotta start from somewhere." Rowe laughs at this.

"I don't think we are meshing artistically." Caboose complains, "I think you should talk to my agent." Wait, he has an agent?

Looks like Griff has had enough now, "This is stupid! I quite!"

Donut with disbelief in his voice, "You can't quit! End scene!"

Time for another face palm, "This thing is now falling apart." I grumble.

Rowe then aks in a confused voice, "This was together to begin with?" She has a point.

"This has been a Franklin Donut joint." he then proceeds to run off stage.

"Listen, son. You and your buddy, Church, set off a bomb..." Sarge explains, "which when combined with the weather machinery in Lopez made an explosion so large it destroyed the present!"

My hand now bracing my head, "We could have saved a whole seven minutes if we just started with that." I grumble. Rowe now leaving all the way back on her seat nods while she yawns.

"Wait." a now confused Tucker stats, "Destroyed the present? Then Where are we now?"

"We're in the future numbnuts." Simmons nonchalantly answers.

"Aren't we in the present right now?" asks an equally confused Fergo. "Aren't we always in the present?"

Simmons turns to Griff and shakes his head, "Unbelievable, they can't cope with the loss! They're in denial!"

"That is so sad." Griff nods in agreement.

I can't take this anymore, so I speak up, "He means is, what use to be our present was destroyed and it sent us into the future."

Both of them let out an "Oh." Simmons nods in agreement.

"Son, you're just not listen'. Like the other Sergeant said, the present has been destroyed! It no longer exists!" Sarge continues "We're in the future!"

Both Tucker and Fergo then cry out, "AAAHH THAT MAKES NO SENSE!"

"I'm currently working on a short film to explain it." great, just what we need, more shit written by Donut. Rowe and I let out a mighty groan. "Tom Cruise has the script, and I hear he's very interested!" I highly doubt that.

"You're telling us a bomb sent us into the future?" Tucker asks.

"Uh huh." I answer.

"Yepp." Rowe adds popping the 'p'.

"Yeah, you see luckily Church was facing forward when the bomb went off," Simmons explains...whatever…"and we were standing in front of him. So that sent us forward into the future!"

"Of course he was facing forward! What other way do people face?" Fergo asks incredulously.

"That's what I meant by luckily." Simmons responds.

"What happened to Church?" asks Tucker.

"I want to say he got instantly vaporized but at this point I don't know." I lazily respond to him.

Sarge ponders for a bit, "Hm. Never really thought about him."

"Yeah, I'm with Lockett, I think he's dead." Simmons answers.

"Sounds good to me." answers Sarge.

"But!" Fergo complained, "He could be hurt, trapped in the present!"

"That's impossible, miss. The present doesn't exist anymore! What you're proposing just isn't very good science!" Sarge argues.

"Don't you see!?" Tucker shouts. "If Church was facing forward during the explosion, and that blew us into the future,"

"That could mean that he was blown backward into the..." Fergo pauses, she temp raises her hands to her face in shock and Tucker's eyes widen.

"Oh no!"

"Backwards into what?" Sarge asks, "A wall? A broom closet?"

"A big rock?" Griff tries.

"Another big rock!?" Caboose also tries.

I lower my head, "Please don't tell me..."

"No!" the couple shout. "Into the past!"

Silence, Rowe turns to me, "I'm sorry Lockett."

 _Line break._

Completely ignoring Sarge's plan to rebuild and Griff quoting the last lines of _Planet of the Apes_ , I hound myself a ledge overlooking all the devastation. I found myself sitting there and just watching. Aw man the future, what am I gonna do now, all my friends, family, all gone.

"Room for one more?"

I turn to see who it is, and its Doc Rowe...I have no idea how she snuck up on me, I guess the view was that distracting. I simply nod.

I look behind her and I see Griff dramatically telling his story, "What are they doing?"

"Griff is combining every crappy Hollywood apocalypse movie into one giant story on how the world ended. Anyway, congratulations! Welcome to the new world!" I then notice what's in her hands, two bottles of coke. "It's probably radioactive and we might die but oh well." She laughs, I just smirk.

"Just like Fallout" I mused.

"Yes just like Fallout." She takes a seat right next to me and opens her bottle. "You know I was also majoring in psychology..." I looks at hr with curiosity. "They sent me to this military hospital for extra experience. They simply said 'Your job is to simply see if they are fit to fight'."

"And what about the ones who weren't?"

"Well they just seemed tired, worn out."

"Tired?" I laugh, "That was your medical opinion? I bet I could do your job." I let out another chuckle as I take a swig from the bottle.

She shrugs, "You probably could."

I then look over to her, "Look I get it. Some give and take over soda? I get it." I then turn and face her, "Okay Doc, what's next? Wanna know how old I was when my mom took me off her tit?" I tilt my helmet at her she just smirks. "I mean, that's the type of stuff you headshrinkers like right? Wanna know why I'm in your looney bin."

She leans in a little, "Back home, after we would have won the war, for people like me I would be happy to take a run at shrinking your head" she pauses for a swig of her bottle, "for 80 bucks an hour, but back there at that hospital, and here, all I do is access. Who can return to his unit and who can't, your head is safe with me. You know most of the guys who come through here are simply, tired. My guess is you fall into that category."

I let out a sigh pull out my pack of cigarettes light one and then gaze out across the cavern "The Covenant murdered sleep. The Innies did it too, but not like the Covenant." She nods. "Back in Sigma Octanus IV, they would constantly send in gunships to bomb the city where we were hiding out."

"I'm surprised they didn't just glass you."

"I guess they were looking for something. The sent in gunships every night, it was mostly just to keep us awake." I offer one to Rowe and she politely declines. "Harvest was the snow, Arcadia was just the fucking fact I was in Arcadia." I put out my cigaret and threw it over the cliff. "Oh, and for the record Doc," I raise my bottle to take another swig. "I was a freshman in highschool when my mom stopped breast feeding me. Do you see that as a problem?" We both let out a laugh.

"Nope, I don't see that as a problem at all." She then frowns, "What do we do now?"

"Like what anyone would do." She looks to me with curiosity, "Rebuild, renew. I'll tell you one thing though," I point out across the cavern, "It's quite the view."

She laughs and then raises her bottle, "To the new world!"

I join her in her toast, "To the new world."

Sarge then shouts over to us, "Hey! Y'all get your keesters over here!"

 _Line break_

We are now looking over a blown out jeep.

"Look at what I found!" Caboose cheers excitedly.

Donut glares and shouts "I found it!"

"Look at what I took credit for finding." Eh, close enough.

"A-mazing," Sarge gazes in awe, "these two actually accomplished something."

"It looks like some kind of alien transport mechanism that could be used to-" Now I know why Sarge wants to kill Griff so much.

Simmons cuts in "Or, it's a jeep."

"You have no imagination." Griff sighs.

"Hey Sarge, this thing isn't in too bad of a condition, wanna try and get it working again?" I offer.

Sarge replies, "It's not a bad idea."

"How?" asks Simmons, "There's no parts. And what you gonna use for fuel?"

"The fuel isn't a problem." All of them except Sarge looks at me questionably. "The warthogs are designed on a HIKE or a Hydrogen Internal Combustion Engine. All we need is pretty much water or any liquid that contains hydrogen in it."

"Would orange juice work?" Donut ponders curiously.

"Actually yes, orange juice contains Vitamin C which has hydrogen in it, it's not as good as water but it will do." I explain.

Apparently this is all new to Simmons, looks like Sarge is thinking the same thing I am, "Griff was right, Simmons. You don't have any imagination."

"Thank you sir." responds Griff finally feeling acceptance from his leader...

"Shut, up scumbag, we're not having a moment.". Only to get shot down again.

Tucker then walks up, "Hey. We need to find Church."

"He's dead son. Why haven't you given up hope yet and just move on?" Sarge asks.

"It's only been a couple of hours!" Fergo argues back.

"Tucker." I place my hand on his shoulder, "Fergo." I place my other hand on her shoulder. "Please use some fucking common sense." They looks at me like I was talking in another language. Oh god why me?

Rowe like the angel she is comes in and helps me, "Church is in the past! How the fuck are we gonna go and get him?!" Tucker and Fergo glance at another and they try to come up with an idea. They didn't come up with anything. So I slowly just walk away from them.

"Well this should make you feel better. When his body blasted into smithereens, at least he took all our enemies with him." Sarge reassures. Why do I get the feeling that is false.

 **Author's Note: Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the review section.**


	13. Combat Jack

**Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue. Sorry my updates are taking so long, fuck you school.**

Combat Jack

So here we are, Sarge and are are now fixing the warthog. We are all gathered under it, me, Sarge, and Donut.

"Donut! Hold the light right there." Sarge instructed. Donut then proceeds to shine the light directly into our faces...smooth…"No, not on me! On that!"

"Yeah man!" I complain. "Why would we need the light on our faces?"

"Hey, Sarges!" man saying our ranks as plural like that sounds weird. "What's that metal thing that looks like a bunny?"

"Donut, don't touch anything!" I warn, I then turn to Sarge and announce, "Sarge we're all done here."

He calls out, "Okay, fellas, give her a crank!" We then wait for a moment and...nothing. "Guys?" Sarge calls out. Still silicene. Sarge then angrily calls out, "Hey! What in tarnation are you knuckleheads doin' up there!?" We both stop to listen for a moment and what do we hear?

"No," Simmons patronizingly says, "I don't think getting rims for the jeep is a good idea."

"Oh, come on!" Grif shouts back. "If we all kick in, we can get some spinners, come kickass subs, hydraulics!"

With a deadpan stare, I slowly turn to Sarge, "Are they fucking serious?" Sarge buries his face into his hand.

"That's what they are worried about?"

"We're in." replies Tucker and Fergo. All Sarge and could was just listen to the stupidity.

"Uh, for style?" Grif dumbly answers.

"For chicks," adds Tucker.

"And dudes," Fergo adds as well.

"What dudes? What chicks? There's no one for miles! We don't even know if anyone's still alive!" Simmons exclaims.

"What?" Griff questions accusingly, "suddenly you're a pessimist?"

"Yeah," Tucker responds to Simmons, "but if we do find some people, we will literally be a the last people on earth for them."

"But you and Fergo are already together!" Simmons comments.

"That's besides the point," Tucker replies, "All my life, I've had girls tell me 'Not if you were the last man on earth!'" He then lets out a laugh. "That may be true, but let's see what happens when we're the last men on earth with a sweet-ass, pimped-out ride, bitch!" Simmons just looked shocked at how Fergo seemed absolutely okay with this.

"Wh-what about you and Fergo?" Simmons stutters.

"Uh, ever heard of group sex?" Griff asks. Simmons's face grows with shock, maybe disgust, I don't know or care. Tucker places his hand on his chin and takes a few moments to think about it.

"I didn't say they were for us." Fergo slyly quips, Simmons at that starts shaking and babbling trying to come up with words, Grif just laughs. Fergo turns to Tucker and notices that he was considering Grif's suggestion.

"Tucker no," she scolds, "I'm not sharing you with some bimbo." Tucker takes a moment to process the answer, then he shrugs. I guess he was fine with just Fergo, that is definitely not what the old Tucker would say. No, the old one would try to reason with her on the positives of being in a group. I guess being in a relationship makes people use common sense more...naw...humans tend to be too stupid for that...as well as most bein-you get the point.

After hearing that I turn my head to Sarge and tell him, "After hearing all of that, you want to say something now?" Sarge grumbles something under his breath and gets up from under the warthog and I follow him.

"If you ladies are through gossipping, I could use some help fixing' your vehicle!" Sarge shouts with annoyance clear in his voice. Grif's mind snaps back and he remembers his original objective.

"Oh, yeah, right! Here, let me try," he then starts the engine. It was that moment when I remembered that Donut was still under the warthog.

"WAIT!" I cry.

"GYAH-AH-OW!" Man that sounded painful.

"Donut! Are you okay?" Sarge asks with concern in his voice, we can hear him crying at this point.

"I was just petting the bunny..." he whimpers, "And then it went into the soup can...And part of my hand went with it." Ouch...

I call over Rowe and Sarge grumbles something under his breath and drops back under the warthog and starts berating Donut.

"Bunny and hand soap. Just like Mom used to make," Tucker jokes causing Fergo to giggle, Simmons just gives him a blank stare.

"Donut! I told you not to touch anything!" Sarger angrily shouts, "You touched everything! That's the exact opposite of touching nothing!" Simmons then climbs into the passenger seat of the jeep which causes Grief to stare at him in confusion.

"Hey, what're you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Simmons responds rhetorically, "I'm getting in the jeep."

"What are we, on a date? Get in the back," he points his thumb at the turret.

"Oh you're so insecure!" Simmons jeers.

I sin plkh to turn to them and say, "Will you two just shut up? We need to get the warthog fixed."

"I feel dizzy, Sarge!" calls Donut. Sarge looks at me waiting for my call, I tell him to keep him busy until Doc Rowe arrives.

"Aw, that's just blood loss. You'll make new blood!" Sarge reassures, "You just need some orange juice!"...eh...good enough.

"Where is he?" I turn my head and it's Rowe who had just arrived on scene. I point to under the jeep and she then proceeds to climb down taking Sarge's old spot.

"What's the rush on getting this thing fixed, anyway?" Tucker asks.

"Listen, dirtbag." Sarge rudely responds, "I know on Blue Team you like to lollygag a bit-" Should I be offended, 'cause I'm not sure if that was aimed squarely at Tucker and Frog.

"There is no Blue Team!" Fergo interrupts, "It's all a lie! Red and Blue are the same!" Looks like Tucker brainwashed her, not that he isn't right though. Rowe lets out a grunt and climbs out from under the warthog.

"Are you seriously still on about that shit?" she asks incredulously.

"Yeah dude, don't start that crap again." Grif adds.

"Yeah, you sound like a conspiracy nut when you talk about that stuff" Simmons answers as well, "The government put a chip in my brain!"

Griff in a similar sarcastic tone adds, "The president can hear my thoughts!"

Donut even joins in "We never landed on the sun!"

Grif then lets out a fake gasp, "They put fluoride in my water!"

"Actually," Simmons corrects, "That one's true."

"It is?" Griff then pauses for a moment to process what he just heard, "No wonder I listen to so much pop music."

Then Rowe also adds, "The military kidnapped children to make super soldiers!"

I then pause for a moment and add, "That one may be true too."

Fergo snorts and Simmons says, "How is that one true."

"How do you explain how a thirteen year old boy took on a four fully trained and much older ODSTs and not only won, but he killed two of them and left the others in critical care!" I argue. They all stare at me in shock, but then are immediately interrupted by Sarge.

"We're fixing the jeep because we need to be prepared!" he growls. "Just as our enemies are no doubt preparing to attack us at this very moment!"

"But you guys think we're the enemy," Tucker tries to argue, "and we're not preparing' to do anything!" _That's because I'm already prepared,_ I tell myself.

 _Linebreak_

Turns out hiel the Reds we fixing the jeep, they received a message from Tex, I guess she's still alive. We made our way there, but she wasn't very happy to see us.

"What took you guys so long to get here?" she grumbles.

"There's eight of us," Simmons responds in a smart-ass tone, "And this is only a three-seater jeep. Six-seater if we squeeze in, two of us had to sit on someone else's lap." Can you guess who?

"It was a great roadtrip!" Donut remembers, "My favorite part was when Grif tried to change gears, and he accidentally-"

"Ugh, please, let's not tell the story," Grif Groans, "Is there somewhere I can wash my hands?"

Ignoring whatever they had to say, I turn to the merc-freelancer and ask, "Tex, what did you find?"

"Well, O'malley's holed up in this fortress," good she didn't noticed the jab at her, "He's been fortifying his defenses for a few days now," she pauses and then quickly adds, "And he's got some help. One of those religious nuts you guys picked up."

"Oh, I like them. They were funny," everyone looks at him questioningly while he smiles at the memories.

Fergo then informs him, "Sweetie you aren't suppose to like the people who try to kill you."

"But you always said to try and see the good in others while Papa Lockett said that most people are just soldiers doing their jobs, they don't really want to be there." Fergo and I share a glance.

"Yeah," I tell him, "Key word is most people."

Tucker even joins in, "Caboose, they tried to kill you because of a flag!"

Caboose replies defensively again, "I try not to remember the bad things about people."

"Caboose!" Tucker shouts. "That's all thy tried to do. There were no good things!"

"That's ok," Caboose laughs, "I have a really bad memory..." he then looks to his left and shouts, "WOW LOOK A BEACH!"

Sarge shakes his head, "Shut up Caboose," he then turns back and faces Tex, "What's your plan ,Tex?"

Tex then starts to explain her plan, "Well first, we have to breach the outer wall-"

"Ooh, I love breaching!" Donut happily chirps...I swear there's a sex joke somewhere.

Tex just brushes him off, "Then we have to get past another wall."

"Two walls?" Grif asks incredulously, "Some people are so materialistic."

"It's good strategically for a fall-back position," I explain, it seems to satisfy Grif, "It would make more sense if they had more soldiers, that way they could reinforce the second wall, I doubt O'Malley ever thought of that."

"What do you mean?" Rowe asks. I simply motion her to listen to Tex.

"The second wall has a tower and an enormous razor-sharp spinning blade."

"What, that thing?" Simmons laughs, "It's spinning like two miles and hour!"

"I didn't say it'd be hard to get past." Tex throws back, "After that, we have to pass the gun turrets and break into the building."

"And then we attack O'Malley!" Sarge finishes.

"No," Tex corrects.

"Knowing O'Malley, we probably are going to have no resistance until we hit the second wall. O'Malley has no manpower, he's probably just gonna have to two turrets manned and that's it," I then let out a laugh, "I bet he isn't gonna even lay booby traps."

"Is he really that incompetent?" Rowe asks in disbelief. I simply shot her a look that said, _What do you think?_

"When we break into the building, that is where we plan this," Text then averts our attention to a bomb behind her. What Caboose says next pretty much sums up my opinion.

"We're planting a volleyball."

Tex then snaps defensivly, "It's not a ball, it's a bomb."

"We're planting a volley-bomb?" ha, good one.

"I scouted a location inside the base where we can set it off and take the whole place down. I marked the spot with a big X," Tex explains...wait a second...

"Wait, you scouted it?" Tucker asked.

Tex blankly answers, "Yeah."

"So let me get this straight, you got past the walls, the huge spinning blades, the gun turrets and made it into the fortress?" Tucker asked in disbelief. Oh wow, I we are really going there.

Fergo, then continues, "Why didn't you just plant the bomb then instead of putting an X on the floor?" Tex then turns and looks away as if she is embarrassed of her response.

"I can't carry it," she mutters.

"What? What was that?" both Grif and Simmons ask.

She then throws her arms up in frustration, "It's too heavy okay? You happy?"

"Yeah right." Grif laughs under his breath.

I guess Tex didn't hear him, because she continues as if he didn't say anything, "I need one of you idiots to carry it. I don't have the upper body strength to lift it on my own."

Grief turns to us and in a braggy voice, "See? Girls act like they're so tough, but the first time they need someone to move a couch, who do they call?" Tex slowly fixes her gaze on the orange armored soldier.

Grif then quickly and nervously says, "Please don't kill me."

Sarge shakes his head, "Ahh, go ahead and kill him," he and I then walks toward the bomb, "We could use the armor for spare parts. Here, this thing doesn't look so heavy. Let me try." He then proceeds to try and lift the homemade explosive up but he fails and lets out a groan, "That thing ain't movin'"

I He gets up and I take his spot, "Here let me see." I let out a mighty groan and actually manage to lift it, only to drop it a inches away. I turn to text and ask, "Tex, waht the fuck is this thing made out of? The fucking HAVOKs that the UNSC uses only weigh half the shit this thing does!" Tex just looks down and shuffles her feet.

"I can carry it!" Caboose chirps and he walks over and takes my place.

"I guarantee you'll need two people," Tex tells him.

"Trust me, he can do it," I reassure her.

"Yeah," Fergo replies, "The kid's got this crazy strength!"

"Church and I think it's a way of compensating," Tucker finishes, followed by his yelp of pain as Fergo elbows him in the side.

"See!" Caboose wheezes. We all turn and we see him holding the volley-ball like explosive.

Sarge looks on in awe, "GREAT PAUL'S BUNYAN, he's like an ox!"

"But I have no horns," Caboose groans, "Or lumberjack friends."

"Come on," Grif walks forward and rolls up imaginary sleeves, don't know why, "No way it can be that bad. Let me give it a-" we all feel the ground shake as Grif drops it. He gets back up gasping, "Okay, you can carry it."

"Hey Lockett, what's a HAVOK?" Rowe asks me.

I grin and tell him, "It's one of the UNSC's most powerful ground-based explosive, it's a tactical nuke with a nuclear yield of 30 megatons," by now I had drawn in Sarge's attention.

"How big is it?" he asked.

"It is the size of a lop-sided foot ball and weighs about 30 pounds, it's the UNSC's closest thing to a nuclear grenade." Mam did their eyes go wide.

"How do you know that?" Rowe asks.

"I got to handle one back in the army." Sarge then walks over to me practically drooling.

"Say...Lockett...do you know a way for me to get a hand on one of those babies?" he asks.

"I hate to break it to you Sarge, we're gonna have to stick with Tex's handywork-"

"Hey!"

"The UNSC heavily regulate their nukes." Sarge then hangs his head in sadness. He then stares at Tex with an expression that read, _Why couldn't you build a better bomb?_

"It's not like I had much to work with!" Tex cries defensively.

"Alright, here's what we'll do!" Sarge suddenly says, "We'll storm in there and blow O'Malley up, leave Grief for dead, and maybe find some clues about what happened with Church and Lopez." Okay…

"Oh your Robot? He's in there with them," Tex casually says.

"Lopez is in the building?" Sarge asks with surprise, he then cries, "We can't blow it up."

"Wait, let me get this straight," Tex tries to process the request, "The biggest threat we know of is in that building, and you don't want me to blow it up?"

"We can't!" cries Simmons, "We need Lopez's head. It has valuable information stored in it." Tex then gazes at the only probably what she assumes is the only competent member of the Red Team. Doc Rowe just shrugs, Tex returns her gaze to Simmon.

"Sorry, I'm going with the bomb," she responds nonchalantly, "But her, here's and idea: maybe you can find your buddy's head in the rubble when we're done."

"Come on," groans Grif. "We can't lift a bomb but we can dig through rubble?"

"Sorry, but there is no way I am letting O'Malley get away this time." I really doubt she is actually sorry.

Tucker suddenly speaks up, "Just hire her."

Grif and Simmons stare at him in confusion for a second, "What?"

Tucker reaffirms his last statement, "Hire her to help you get Lopez back. She'll do anything for money."

"That's not true." Yeah right.

"It's not?" Fergo asks sarcastically, "I'll give you 10 bucks to tear off Grif's arm!"

Tex quickly asks, "Which one's Grif?"

"SEE?" laughs Tucker, "She's not really even on the Blue team. She was just payed to come help us."

Grif then whispers to Tex, "He's Grif," and he signals to Simmons.

"How do we pay her?" Simmons asks, "We don't even have any money. We don't even know what money is in the future."

I then jeer, "Well sucks to be you guys. That's what you get when your allie's loyalty only goes as deep as your wallet."

"Yeah," Grif adds, "They could have shells or laser beams for currency."

Simmons deadpans, "Laser beams..."

Grif lets out a chuckle, "Yeah, that would be the coolest wallet ever."

"Or maybe even military grade bullets or bottle caps," Rowe whispers to me, God I fucking wish.

"Why don't you just trade favors?" Rowe then offers, this catches their attention, "Have her do this for you, and then you guys owe her a favor. That's how these Freelancers get stuff done right?"

"Fuckin money whores," I mumble, Rowe takes notice and looks over to me with concern, I simply shake my head.

"That'll work!" Tex replies, "I'll help you, and then the two of you have to do something for me."

"Okay, we'll do it," Simmons replies.

"Wait just a second," interrupts Grif he looks to Tex suspiciously, "What would we have to do?"

"It all depends."

"Depends on what?"

"Ummm… What I need, to some future job."

"But… It could be anything." Oh god where is Grif taking this?

Tex nods, "That's right, anything."

There's a long pause, "Like gay stuff?" Griff asks curiously.

Tex looks on in disbelief, "I have no idea."

"Well can we rule out the gay stuff?"

Donut then appears out of nowhere, "Hey, how come I never get to help?"

We all just stare at him, "Where the fuck did you come from?" I ask, I am met with awkward silence.

Tex the quickly ends the silence, "Are you all ready?" we nod. She calls over to Sarge and Caboose, "Okay we're ready to go!"

 **Author's Note: For those who are still here, thank you for reading. Thank You for being patient. Please leave reviews, the tell me how good I'm doing.**


	14. Assault on Fort O'Malley

**Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.**

Assault on Fort O'Malley

After a full hour of planning, Sarge and I have come up with a-I can't take this seriously, Sarge came up with this in like a minute. It's the dumbest shit I've ever heard.

"Okay, listen up, dirt bags," we all focus our attention on his, for some reason. "If we're gonna invade this fortress, we need a good game plan," no, you think? "I've got two options we could use: number one, we all run straight at the base in a single file line, screaming at the top of our lungs. The enemy will be so flabbergasted, by the time they have the chance to regroup, we'll already be inside."

"Oh, yeah right, they're not gonna get surprised, they're just gonna start mowing us down!" Tucker. Thank you Tucker! My thoughts exactly.

"That's the inherent beauty of the single-file line. They can only kill the person in front!" Sarge counters. "So, if we order from least important to most important, with Tucker being in the front, and me being in the back, and me being in the back," huh, I would have thought Grif would be in front, "Then we just might make it through."

Simmons then tries to argue, "Don't you think Caboose should be in the back since he's the one carrying the bomb?" That would be the most logical thing in this retarded plan.

"Nope, Caboose is in front of me," for some reason. "We need someone in back who can objectively evaluate how the plan is working!" Sarge explains his reasoning, which still just sounds like him trying to get us killed.

"How're you gonna know if it's not working?" Tucker asks sarcastically. I think we all know how he's gonna tell, but let's just listen anyway.

"If Caboose dies, I'll know we're in trouble, and immediately abort," Sarge answers.

"I think that's a good plan," no Caboose, don't agree to that!

"Sarge, while that's the most retarded idea I've ever heard," where is Grif going with this? "I just wanted to thank you for not putting me in the front of the line," he finshes, I simply turn to Sarge and wait for his response.

"Don't get misty, Francine," Sarge growls, "We'll have already killed you and used your corpse to jam up the windmill." He then turns his attention to all of us, "I think we can all agree, given our current situation, it's the perfect plan." He is just greeted by silence, here I am just face-palming. "Okay, well, let me tell you about me other plan."

Grif turns to me and Tex, "I'm hoping you guys got a better idea."

"Oh we do," I reassure him. To be honest, I don't know why I am letting Sarge ramble on, my brain cells are dying with every word.

"...I Grif cannon," Sarge finishes.

Grif lets out a long sigh, "Ah man…."

We all turn our attention back to Sarge, "Utilizing the power of the Grif cannon, we make a Grif-sized hole in the outer wall." While Sarge is talking I turn to Grif's spot and I notice him silently making his way to the back of the warthog. "Or we...paint it a very disgusting color."

"Hey Lockett," Rowe turns to me, "What's your plan?"

"Honestly, all we got to do is take out those turrets and we'll be fine," I explain I then pull out a drawn layout of the base and place it on a tree stump. "Tex's plan is basically to have us enter via the two entrances, lucky. Sarge and his team will go in with caboose down the staircase, the rest are with me through the caves. Tucker how good are you with a battle rifle?"

"Pretty decent."

 _Linebreak_

"Are you guys read?"

"We're ready Locket!"

I grab my radio, "Good, Tucker you find the sniper rifle?"

"No."

"Wait, then who-wait, don't tell me."

"That's right!" Tex laughs.

I turn and face Grif and Simmons, "I want you two to run distraction and help get Tex a clear shot," I then turn to face Rowe, "I want you to help me lay down suppressive fire on that left turret, try to provide." I then turn and face the spot Tex is hiding, "You got that Tex?"

"Yeah."

I then turn to my team, "You guys?" They nod.

"Sarge, sound good to you?" he agrees.

"Lockett, what should we do as a distraction?" Simmons asks.

Sarge speaks up, "As long as it draws their fire away from us and towards you, I don't care."

Then all of a sudden Donut cuts in, "Try some dance moves!" Simmons and Grif share a glance, "Ohh! You can do a musical number!"

"Get of the radio, Donut!" Sarge shouts.

I simply shake my head, "Tex what do we got?"

"I don't see any movement..." she murmurs, "but the guns are definitely online." Their turrets, all they need are guys manning them, I would like to point out to Tex how obvious it is, but naw...I got better things to get angry at.

"You what?" Jesus, where did Tucker come from, "I miss the old days, where we didn't risk our lives, and you guys were all just a bunch of nameless assholes I would yell at with Church."

"It's okay. We hate you too, man," Grif joked.

Whatever, "Cut the chatter," I interrupt them, "we're moving out." We then make our way to our planned positions, Sarge and his team on the platform to the left of the guns, my team behind some rubble to the right of the guns.

"Simmon's, how are we looking?" I ask.

"All right," Simmons wonders off for a moment, "We are good so far."

I nodded and then spoke into my radio, "Sarge, we are in position."

He quickly replies "Roger that. We are also in position. No sign of the enemy." I glance around the corner and I notice the guns scanning the area.

"Just stay there and stay down, those guns have a clear shot on you if they see you," I then turn to my team. Alright listen up, I'm going to run a distraction, when that happens I want you guys to lay down suppressing on the guns. Tucker Tex!"

"Yeah!"

"What?"

"You two are gonna be the ones to take out the guns, Tucker left, Text right, you're gonna only have a small window, so don't miss. Everyone got it?" They all nodded. "Good No-" I am immediately cut off as or position is immediately hit with machinegun fire. "SHIT! Grif call Sarge!"

"Sarge we're under fire!" he cries, "I repeat, we are under fire!" A few seconds pass buy before Grif turns off his radio.

"What he say?" Tucker asks curiously.

"He was breaking," Grif answers, "I think he said something about staying here and not doing anything risky!" knowing Sarge, he probably told Grif to jump in front of the guns our something.

"Tex!" I call into the radio. "I need you to take out the gun on our position!"

"You got it." We wait for a few moments before-BAM! "Yeah! Head shot!"

"Nice shooting Tex!" Grif shouts while I start throwing orders around.

"Tucker, You and Tex head up across that bridge. I need you two to flank that turret try to take it out! Simmons, you and Grif head into the base, try and find O'Malley, Rowe, you stay here with me and we'll try to provide suppressing fire for Sarge and his team!"

"Why do I have to go up against the machine gun while you guys get to go play hide-and-seek?" Tucker complains.

Simmons groans, "Tucker, the guy we are seeking has a rocket launcher, plus you are going to attack the gun from behind, Rowe and Lockett have to stay here to keep him distracted."

"Oh, right," Tucker murmurs, "Uh, have fun doing' that." Tucker then runs across the bridge behind Tex.

I then call Sarge, "Sarge! I'll provide suppressing fire, I need you to get the bomb into the base!"

"Alright!" Then answer. I then quickly grab Simmons before he leaves.

"Hey, you think you could save me the rocket launcher? I ask.

Simmons just shrugs and replies, "Sure." I then turn and face Rowe.

"Ready?" I ask, she nods. "Okay, on my mark...one...two...three...SUPPRESSING!" We then both pop out from our cover and start firing at the right turret. The gunner actually seemed surprised for a moment and he stops firing. He then starts to turn the gun towards us right as our mags run out, I turn my head to Sarge's position, I notice both Donut and Caboose running to the windmill. I then, now knowing that they are safe, grab Rowe and shove myself and her back into cover right as the gun resumes firing on our position.

"Shit man, that was insane," Rowe breaths.

"Uh huh." I then hear a sniper shot and I notice the line of fire shifts to right above us. "Looks like he found Tex," I mumbled. I then hear Tex cry out confirming my suspicions.

"I'm pinned down, I need assistance!" Rowe and I prepare for another round of suppressing fire. We then stop when we are greeted by quite the sight. The gunner stops firing and he turns around. All of a sudden to white prongs shoot out from his back. The gunner is then shifted to the left as the person who stabbed him is revealed to be Tucker who then pulls out a magnificent sword with sizzling white plasma as for blades right from the abdomen of the poor guy. Tucker then proceeds to spartan kick the off the platform.

"That's right you flag-fucking scumbag! Take that!" Tucker triumphantly shouts.

"Woahh," both Rowe and I let out at the same time.

 _Linebreak_

After we Tucker had taken out the turret, we proceeded to meet up with a search party and proceed in searching for the robotic douche-I mean, O'Malley.

Caboose then frantically runs up and cries out my name, "Lockett! Lockett! Come quick!"

I get worried and walk over, "Hey kid, what's wrong?"

Sarge then grumbles, "He better have a good reason for interrupting our search." Sarge then turns to me and starts angrily speaking, "Can't he see this is an organised and highly motivated operation?" I quickly stop him, Caboose is like a child, you don't really go anywhere if you are only angry at him.

"Let's just see what he has to say first," reply, Sarge grudgingly agrees.

 _2 minutes earlier_

"Rowe? What is your team doing?" I ask.

"They are looking for Lopez," she answers.

I raise my eyebrows to this, "Isn't he just a head at this point?"

"Mmhmm."

"They must really want it," I murmur.

"Yep," she replies popping the "p". I then see Simmons turn to where Tex is and he shouts to her.

"Hey Tex!"

"What?" she shouts back.

"When you shot Lopez's head, where did it go?"

"How do I know?"

"Are you sure you hit it?" A few seconds of silence go by, "I mean, is it possible you missed?" I think to myself, _The gun stopped firing genius._ "I mean, just the one time. It doesn't say anything about your overall skill level." A few more moments go by when Tex just flat out walks away without giving Simmons an answer.

"This is why he's never getting a girlfriends," I whisper to Rowe and she lets out a giggle. Simmons slowly turns around and he probably said something like "She says she doesn't know." or something.

 _Back to Caboose_

"Okay, what's wrong Caboose?" I ask.

"Did you find Lopez?" Sarge asks as well. Caboose had led us to the base of the windmill where a computer lay.

"Someone meaner!" Caboose cries.

"O'Malley?" I ask with confusion.

"Meaner!" we are all puzzled, Fergo decides to step forward and deliver a response.

"Um, Caboose sweetie, O'Malley is trying to kill us, and you are saying that you found someone who is meaner?" she calmly asks.

"Yes!"

The computer then speaks breaking all of us out of our thoughts, "Caboose is that you? Can you hear me?" Wait, is that who I think it is?

"See. It's Church," Caboose cries, "And he's meaner than ever!" Well I'll be damned.

The computer then speaks again, "Caboose is that you? Can you hear me?"

"Yes!" Caboose answers. "Church. I can hear you. Can you hear me?"

"Caboose is that you? Can you hear me?"

"Church! I can hear you. How are you?"

"Caboose is that you? Can you hear me?"

"Hey Fergo," I whisper to her, "I think we should stop him," she nods in agreement.

"Quiet!" Grif interrupts, "I wanna see how long this lasts!" Fergo then walks over and kicks Grif in the shin making him cry in pain. I instead turn my attention back to Caboose.

"Church. I can hear you. Do you miss me?" Sarge then walks up feed up with the dying brain cells I guess, I don't know.

"Move over braniac. Let me see if I can get the rest of this thing to play," while Sarge is working on the computer, Caboose still hasn't figured out it's only a recording.

So he continues talking to it, "I carried the bomb Church. I… am a very important person."

Grif rolls his eyes and sarcastically replies, "Yes, we're very impressed." He then proceeds to yelp and jumps behind Simmons when Fergo shoots him a dirty look.

"Yes sweetie, we are very proud," she replied sincerely.

"Yeah kid, you did your job, that's more than what I've seen some of the others do," I chuckle.

"Hey!" Simmons shots after realising the jab I threw at him and the others.

Sarge then informs us, "Hmm, I think I can reroute power from the main coupling to the memory storage compartment." He then turns his head, "Grif, we may have to use some of your circuitry from your armour's life support system."

Grif sighs, "Or, I could just hit the play button." I think Sarge is aware of that, I think he just wanted a way to kill Grif.

"Are you sure?" Sarge asks with a slight hint of disappointment in his voice. "I'm already down here."

"I'm sure," Grif replies with a deadpan look.

"Already got the access panel off and everything."

"Pressing play."

"Alright." Sarge then gets up while Grif presses play and we see a blue figure projected from the screen. I always enjoy stupid banter like before, don't know why.

"Caboose," the recording starts, "I know you're there. I'm leaving this message from 2000 years in the past."

"I guess Tucker was right," Rower whispers to me, I just nod in agreement.

The recording continues, "Whatever you do, don't touch anything. Apparently you're this culture's version of the apocalypse." Okay? "You're going to destroy this building, and somehow bring about the doom for their entire race."

Caboose looks in disbelief, "Mmmm, no. That doesn't sound like me," he then leans to the computer and whispers, "I like people. And buildings also."

"What does he mean by culture?" Rowe asks me, "There's like nothing even left to begin with," she has a point, hard to wipe out a race when they are already gone.

Simmons then looks over to Caboose and asks, "Caboose, what did you do with the bomb you were carrying?"

"Oh, I put it on the X, like I was supposed to," Caboose answers.

Simmons eyes widened "Uh oh."

Grif starts to panic "I think we'd better get out of here."

Fergo just shrugs, "You can't really fault Caboose, he was just doing what he was suppose to."

Church then continues with his warning, "Whatever you do, don't touch the glowing weapon thing they have stored there."

"Well, we broke that rule," Fergo sighs.

"And if you do, definitely don't bring it into the main building."

"Wassup dawgs?" We all turn our heads and we see Tucker with his energy sword and Donut walking towards us. Our minds practically snapped back to Church.

"Otherwise the whole place is going to lock down and you're going to be trapped." Right as Church said that, Tucker and Donut had just entered the compound and the doors closed behind them.

Donut comments, "Automatic locked doors? Cool!" I gotta respect the the guy for seeing the best out of everything...even though that's pretty much all he sees, I could swear he's on something.

Caboose then angrily growls at the computer, "Would you stop saying bad things that come true! Or...say them ten seconds earlier." Caboose pretty much spoke what everyone was thinking, even Caboose can be...I wouldn't say clever, but he definitely has his moments.

I grab my radio, "Tex, we got a problem."

"What is it?"

"O'Malley isn't here. Do not detonate the bomb."

"I don't have a detonator. It's on a timer."

"A countdown timer?" Grif asks. All I could do is just stare at him, really dude?

"No. A count up timer. It goes from 1 to explode," Tex retorts sarcastically. "Of course a countdown timer you idiot!"

Sarge then calls her this time, "I think we might be in trouble."

"Wait a minute, Tex, you are telling me you built a bomb without any fail-safe incase something went wrong?" I asked her withm really trying to keep calm.

"Not...exactly?" she nervously answers.

"And you did not at all anticipate that O'Malley might get away and you lead all of us into death trap?"

She was sweating bullets at this point, "Uhh….yeah."

"Okay, just a second please," I calmly tell her.

Tucker smiles and whispers to Fergo, "Oh man, shit is going to go down!"

"Wish I had popcorn," Fergo chuckles. Caboose slowly ducks down Sarge starts taking notes, Donut watches curiously while Rowe watches worriedly, and Grif and Simmons take step back.

I simply take a big breath and then, "Tex, WHAT THE FUCK?" I screamed into the mic. "I THOUGHT YOU KNEW BETTER! What are we supposed to do now? We are now trapped in an empty base, no sign of your robotic-sex-doll, and now we have just armed a bomb and we are stuck with it. We fucking risked our lives to help YOU, this is what we get? What's next Tex, are you going to have us lead an assault on a base with armor and artillery in nothing by paper-skinned jeeps? Are you going to have us push a positions without enough bodies only to bomb is with our own artillery? Oh wait, we can't, 'cause we are are stuck here with a bomb and we are probably going to die!"

"I didn't know the place would lock up okay?" she angrily screams back.

"Then what do we do now?"

"Lockett look, I didn't design the bomb to be that advanced, it should be easily defused because of the simple detonation system I used."

"Just three minutes left on the bomb!" Sarge suddenly cries. Three minutes, just fucking great.

I turn my head to Sarge, and in the calmest voice I can muster, I ask him, "Sarge, do you have your engineering kit with you?" He nods, "Come with me, we are going to try and un-fuck our situation."

I turn to Sarge and laugh, "Well, at least she didn't completely fuck up,"

"Watch it Lockett!"

I grab the radio again, "Send the layout to me and Sarge."

"Arghhh! We're all going to explode and die!" Donut screams hysterically. I don't see how panicking is suppose to help.

"Simmons come over here! Help me chew on this wall!" Grif cries, "We can eat our way out!" Well, looks like he's already lost it. I simply just crouched down to the bomb and started looking through the circuits.

"Rowe! Calm them down!" I shout to her, "Sarge how much time do we have?" I quickly ask him as we open the kit and grab the tools necessary.

"Two minutes," Sarge says as we open the access panel.

"You aren't going to let us die, are you Lockett, I still need to beat your team," Sarge jokes.

"I'll see what I can do," I chuckle. Fergo sites down, takes off her helmet and then burys in her face into her hands.

"We're all going to die!" she cries.

Simmons then comments, "I think that is a totally objective assessment of the situation Fergo."

Tucker then cries, "What if we beat all these window shutters together? We can get them open?"

"Tucker, the bomb is too powerful, we would still be caught in the blast, that's also why we can't do a controlled explosion, it's too powerful of a bomb," I inform him. Tucker now accepting his fate, he rips off his helmet and runs to Fergo.

"Fergo I love you!" he cries.

"I love you too Tucker!" also cries. They then proceed to make out mercilessly with each other. I guess when you're about to die, simply fuck it.

"Besides," Sarge replied as well, "That would be the coward's way out, trying to escape then accepting your own fate!"

"Die with honour Sarge?"

"That's right Sgt. Lockett, Only a miracle can save us now." It was that moment I noticed something very important about the bomb.

"Sarge we have a miracle."

"We do?"

"Yep," I laugh.

"By-golly you are right!" he cries in disbelief, "This is the same design used by civilian demolition jobs!"

I simply pull the primer charge out of the explosive and the timer stops, "Sarge, we just got saved by sheer dumb-luck, good thing Tex was right," He simply nods, I then pull out my pack of cigarettes and light one, Sarge sees it and I offer it to him. He grabs it and I light one for myself as well. "I didn't know you smoke."

"Yeah, but you don't know a lot of things about me Lockett," we both let out a big laugh.

I get onto my radio and call Tex, "Tex the bomb has been defused, I repeat, the bomb has been defused."

"Alright, good, I work on getting you guys out," she replies back.

"So, how do we get out?" Rowe suddenly asks. I was about to answer when suddenly-

"Hey everybody!" a figure jumps down and lands on the other side of the gate. Caboose then runs up to the gate to greet him.

"Church! I'm so happy you are here! We can be call-mates together!"

"That will not be necessary, Caboose," Church then looks towards the computer and says, "Hey Gary how are you doing?" Who?

We all hear the computer turn on and start talking, "Not bad. Although my static sub-matrix is little itchy."

"The computer can talk?" Simmons asks in surprise.

"The computer's name is Gary?" Grif asks with equal surprise.

Doc Rowe rolls her eyes and mutters "What a generic name."

"How have you been, Church?" Gary greets.

Church cheerfully replies, "Good, thanks for asking. Listen would you do me a favor? Could you shut off the bomb please?"

"The bomb has already been defused by Red and Blue leader," Gary informs.

"Wait a second," Sarge suddenly asks, "Gary, you are telling me you could have disabled this bomb the whole time, and you didn't say so? Don't say I didn-"

"You didn't ask."

"Ehr, ferkin danglers," Sarge angrily and unintelligibly grumbles.

Church smiles and says, "Man, it is really good to see you people."

"The feeling is mutual Church," I tell him.

Tucker comments, "You seem like you're in a good mood."

Church then explains, "I learned a very valuable lesson during my travels Tucker. No matter how bad things may seem…"

"They could be worse," Caboose finishes.

"Nope," corrects Church, "No matter how bad they seem, they can't get any better, and they can't get any worse, because that's the way things fucking are, and you better get use to it Nancy. So quite your bitching."

"Where were you anyway?" I ask.

"Do you want the long version or the short version?"

"I'll take the easy version," Caboose answers.

"Oh, I want to hear the long version," Tucker answers. "But can you tell me in three parts?"

 _Linebreak_

After Church opened the gate and finished his time travel story, we were reunited with Tex.

"I assume everything went okay?" Tex asked.

"Yeah, sorry, I lost my cool back there, I guess you really do know what you are doing," I reply apologetically.

"Oh, you not so bad yourself, you can't give me all the credit, well…you can give me most of it anyway," Tex laughs.

"So Tex, why was the bomb so simple in design on a much more powerful explosive?" Sarge asked.

"You never seen an IED before?" I ask him, and Sarge then nods in understanding.

"I didn't have enough materials or time time to make a more complex system, plus I doubt O'Malley is too egotistical to check something so simple," Tex explained, "Though I'll be honest, I did not anticipate the compound auto locking like that."

"Tex just promise me one thing."

"What's that?"

"Don't send us on anymore suicide missions without telling us plan B," the three of us share a laugh from this.

Quickly changing the subject, "Hey Tucker, where did you get the sword again?"

"Right up there," he points to the right gun platform.

"That reminds me, Tucker do you have your battle rifle still?" Church asks.

"Yeah, why?"

Church holds up his sniper rifle, "I'll trade you." Tucker quickly agrees.

Caboose the walks up[ to Church and asks, "So, you went back in time and didn't change… anything?"

Church confirms the question with, "Uh, yeah, I was like a… passive observer."

"I would have tried to save your life. For me!" Caboose chirps.

"Yeah, I didn't think of that," Church mumbles. "Hey Tucker, I don't think it's a good idea that you're keeping that thing."

"You're just pissed 'cause you don't have one. Speaking of which… Lockett, you look like you've seen this thing before, what is it?"

"That, is, or at least looks like, a Type-1 energy sword, commonly used by sangheili or elites during the war," I answer.

"Dude, you like know everything," Fergo blankly comments.

"I do try," I chuckle.

"Man, I never actually seen one up close before, never really wanted to either," I laughed.

"Why not?" Church then asks curiously.

"I don't wanna die," they give me a funny look, "Look man, I've heard stories from other soldiers about those things, they are like light-sabers, they cut through everything! Flesh, bone, all of it, they even cut Titanium A battle armor with ease."

"Really," Tex, replies her attention growing even more towards the sword in Tucker's hand.

Church then continues from before, "Anyway, no Tucker, that's not why I'm worried, you must have me confused with Tex," he points towards the black clad female, "She's been staring at you nonstop since you found that thing."

Tex finally turns her attention towards us, "That's not true," she says defensively.

"You haven't taken your eyes off of it," Church argues.

"Yes I have."

"Then why haven't you looked at me the entire time I've been talking?"

"I'm looking at you right now."

"No you're not!"

"I've already seen you… not to impressed." Oh snap.

"I would have tried to save Tex too…" Caboose comments.

Church, with clear frustration in his voice said, "Well, I didn't Caboose. I didn't try to save me, I didn't try to save Tex, and I sure as hell didn't make millions of copies of myself trying to keep the bomb from going off."

"Oh." He then whispers, "Because that was my next suggestion."

Church then groans, "Leave me alone, Caboose! I didn't want to mess with the timeline."

I lean over to Tucker and Fergo and whisper, "I bet he did do everything he just said and actually ended causing everything that happened," this causes Tucker and Fergo to crack up.

"Time...Line?" Caboose aks in a confused tone. "Time isn't made out of lines. It is made out of circles. That is why clocks are round." Is that a Doctor Who reference or did I completely miss the joke?

"Man, that thing is really shiny," yep, Tex is still staring at the sword.

"Yep," Tucker nods in agreement.

"Tucker, man, I still think-The computer told me that thing is a very important relic for some ancient culture. I wouldn't go swinging it around like that."

"Yeah?" it's Fergo who jumps in this time, "Well I think it's just a kick-ass piece of bling. And who are you going to believe; us our some super-smart, stupid talking computer? Right Lockett?"

"As long as it's not useless and you don't accidentally chop off a limb of an ally, I don't care." I reply. I then turn away from the group bickering and I notice Donut heading our way. I wonder how this is going to go.

 **Author's Note: Thank you to those who are still reading, my schedule is still messed up, still working on making quicker updates. Anyway, I hope you liked it, follow, favorite, review, you know, the normal stuff**


	15. Group Therapy

**Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.**

 **Author's Note: I hope I got this chapter out to you soon enough, I hope you like it.**

Group Therapy

"And that's the story of how I saved Christmas!" Donut finished.

Caboose leans over to me and whispers, "I did not even know that the North Pole was in San Francisco!" I just turn and face him a 'what?' look. "This changes everything!" he squeals.

"Yeah, and I am pretty sure Santa's suit is a leather biker's outfit," Tucker responds skeptically. I just stood there cradling my head with a throbbing headache.

"Donut," I growl, "Not only did I just waste 10 minutes of my life to that story, but I am also pretty sure I lost a few brain cells listening to it."

"Yeah man, what was that?" Fergo laughs. "Were you high when you thought of it?"

The Church realizes something, "Hey wait a second, why are we letting this pink guy distract us?"

"I'm not distracting you!" Donut quickly lied, it was pretty obvious he was lying.

"Yeah you are!" Church fires back.

"It's pretty obvious man," I chuckle.

"Yeah!" Church shouts, "While we're sitting here, jabbering, the reds are over there, monkeying about!" Man, I had never seen a man run as fast as Donut had in awhile. We decided to follow him and we found a spt overlooking where the Reds were. I love a good recon mission.

"You see?" Tex points out, "Down there, they're messing with the radio."

"Oh, so that's what they're doing," Church replies.

"Yeah," Tex agrees, "They must be plotting something."

"Or," Church counters, "maybe they're just listening to the radio."

"I know plotting when I see it," she then points at the Reds, "That's plotting," she then pauses for dramatic effect, "I think they're gonna try something."

"Tex, we are all proud of your ability to tell the difference between a pair of homophones, but really is there a point to you bringing us here?" I ask, she shoots me an annoyed look.

"Yeah, why?" Tucker joins in, "I already told them the Reds and Blues are the same, it's all a conspiracy!"

Church rolls his eyes and replies, "And I told you that's not true. Vic just made it up to confuse us."

"That just means he is part of the conspiracy!" Tucker exclaims.

Aw man, I can already feel my head hurting, "I don't really want to know, but where is this going Tucker?"

Church, whose attention was now focus on Tucker, "Tucker, he's the one who told you the Reds and Blues are the same!"

"Exactly," Tucker responds.

"Wait," Church then pauses, "Are we talking about a conspiracy that Reds and Blues are the same, or the is the conspiracy that Reds and Blues are different?"

"Exactly," Tucker slyly remarks. I should probably like, scold Tucker about saying stupid shit or whatever, but I honestly don't really care at this moment.

"You just keep saying exactly," damnit Church, you can't feed the trolls, "Do you have a theory or don't you?"

Tex finally interrupts, "Look, I don't care about red or blue, all I know is that those guys are up to something down there."

"Maybe they're planning on using the radio to beem secret messages to the fillings in my teeth," Tucker hypothesized. I just stared at him with a 'WTF?' look, Church was more vocal.

"Secret messages about what?" Church angrily shouts.

With a hint of humor in his voice, Tucker says, "Exactly." Church looks like he is about to kill Tucker. Caboose then comes out of now where are offers a suggestion.

"They are probably trying to trace the distress signal that they heard on the radio," he casually explained.

"What makes you say that?" Church asks curiously.

Caboose cheerfully replies, "Oh, I know all the details. They were in their car, the boss-hog, when Simmon heard a distress signal on the radio!" Caboose explained, "And Gruff was in the back seat, with a monkey." Wait, what was that last part?

After a few seconds, Tucker responds, "Hmm, I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume that some of that was wrong."

"Some of it probably is," I mumble to him.

"How do you know all this Caboose?" Church asks curiously.

Caboose replies, "Andy told me." Who?

"Andy?" Church asks while we all in our heads thought as well. "Whose Andy?" Church then turns to Tucker with his eyebrow raised, "Are you-Are you Andy?"

Tucker responds with a hit of confusion in his voice, "No! I'm not Andy, I'm Tucker."

"No," Church shakes his head, "What's your first name?"

"Lavernius," Tucker and I reply at the same time.

"Lavernius..." Church repeats, "Wait, then who is Andy…Wait a second," he looks back at Tucker, "Are you black?"

"Me?" Tucker asks.

"Yeah."

"Does it matter?"

"No," Church sheepishly replies, "I'm just curious."

"If it doesn't matter then why are you curious?" Tucker asked, frustration slowly creeping in.

"I don't know?" Church cried defensively, "I guess it's just something I should have picked up on after all this time."

"You know what else you should have picked up on? My fucking first name!" Tucker angrily shouts. He then points to me, "One of the first things Lockett asked me when we got here was my name, he was there for less than a day Church! We had known each other for years!" Oh boy.

 _Line break_

"This, is Andy." Andy is the bomb? It gets weirder when Caboose starts introducing us to him. "Andy this is Tex and Tucker. Uh, the black one is Tex…and the other black one is Tucker. Oh, and the blue ones are Lockett and Fergo." He leans in and whispers, "Fergo and Lockett are the nice ones."

"Aw, that's sweet, he thinks we are nice," Fergo chuckles.

"Andy's the bomb?" Tucker asks incredulously.

"Umm…Andy prefers the term 'Explosive American'," Caboose corrects.

Tucker then asks angrily "Are you making fun of me?"

"He told me all about what the Reds were doing," Caboose explains. "Didn't you Andy?" Now he's talking to it like it's a puppy, okay. It is weird, he actually expects an answer.

"Yes," he then turns back to us, "And then we talked about all our adventures. Did you know that Andy used to know Sheila?" Caboose gasps. "Isn't that right Andy?" Once again we are greeted by silence.

"Um, Caboose, are you hearing the bomb talking right now?" Tucker nervously asks.

Caboose then grits his teeth and hisses, "Say something Andy! You are embarrassing me in front of my friends!"

With a deadpan face, Tex tells the Blue soldier, "Caboose, I think you're losing it."

Fergo sighs and walks forward, "Sweeties, it's nice to have an imaginary friend, but I think you are taking this a bit far."

"Also, I wouldn't really call us friends," Tucker corrects, "We are more like acquaintances, or people who work with people we hate. In fact…" Tucker turns and points at me, "I think Lockett and Fergo are your only friends. How? I don't know."

I let out a sigh, "You're one to talk Tucker." Fergo throws him a look and he immediately backs off.

Then all of the sudden, "No I'm not the jerk, you're the jerk, jerk!" We all jump when we hear this.

Gary then comments, "That was very rude."

"Oh shut up you shisno!" the same voice retorts.

"See!" Caboose laughs, "I told you Andy was real!" We all just stared at him, then everyone stared at me waiting for an answer…for some reason.

I just shrug, "Well, there's a first time for everything."

"Caboose, let me get this straight," Tucker attempts to summarize what just happened, "You're trying to tell us that this bomb can talk."

"I'm not telling you that," Caboose corrects, "He's telling you that."

We all stare at the bomb as he starts talking to us, "Yeah, and I'm standing right here. You can talk to me."

Tucker then asks, "If you can talk to us this whole time, then why didn't…Wait…Why am I talking to a bomb? I'm not going this."

"What?" Andy took offense that that, "Am I not good enough to talk to? Who do you think you are? Some kind of too-good-to-talk-to a-bomb type?"

"Maybe it's a good idea not to piss off the explosive advice," Church warns. I think I'm going to mess with him.

"I bet he must have quite to the explosive personality," I chuckle. Everyone just stares at me.

Fergo then asks, "Dude really?"

"I thought it was funny," Caboose comments.

I tell him, "Thank you Caboose."

Tex then speaks up, "Guys, I agree with Church."

Church, with a bored tone, he tells her "I wasn't talking about you Tex."

She turn to him and fires back, "Hey, why don't you suck my-"

Before she can finish, Fergo cuts in and asks Church, "Hey, did Gary say anything about the bomb being able to talk?"

Church takes a moment to think, "Uh, just that this whole place is going to be destroyed by us," he then motions at Andy, "and that Andy here is probably the thing that does is."

"Oh…" Tucker grimaces, "That's not good."

"Well Tucker," I place my hand on his shoulder, "We're soldiers, danger is in our job description, it's just too bad it took us a while to remember that."

"I don't think so. Bunch of shisnos if ya ask me" Andy retorts. "And no one did ask me which I find insulting!"

Church attempts to calm down the explosive, "Alright, alright calm down Andy, calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down, I am calm!" Andy angrily retorts, again. Look he's clearly not clam and this isn't helping. I wonder if they are ever gonna figure it out.

"Caboose," Church whispers, "Calm this thing down before it has a meltdown."

"Really Church?" I comment with disappointment in my voice.

"What?"

"Thing? No wonder he's upset." Church just stares at me like I grew another head.

"Andy," Caboose kneels down to the bomb, "Everyone here is your friend. And no one wants to hurt you."

"Yeah right," Andy grumbles. I don't blame him, some of the personalities on this team aren't the nicest of people *cough* Church *cough*.

"Come on Andy," Caboose continues, "Think of a happy place! Now what makes you happy!"

"Being in the middle of a huge explosion!" Andy cries with excitement.

"Called it," Fergo whispers to me.

"Who didn't?" I whisper back.

"Less happy place Caboose!" Church quickly orders, "Less happy place." Caboose then almost panics but he then comes up with something.

"Ahh uhh, think calming thoughts, Uh…" he then gets an idea, "Let's count backwards from ten!" Wait, what? "TEN…NINE! EIGHT!" At that moment, Tucker, Fergo, and I cry out "NO" while Tex and Church cry "Duck!" Bad idea Caboose, this is gonna take a lot of work.

 _Linebreak_

"You are in a cold river, where no one can disturb you," Caboose carefully tells Andy. "Or calls you names. Like "Bomb", or, "The Exploding Jerk". There are sheep nearby, the kind that don;t blow up!" Sheep can blow up? "You are happy. Not overly happy!" Man, this is a really shaky group therapy session that we are having right now. "Regular happy."

Tex then gives it a try, "Breathe in through your nose," she then does an example, "And out through the mouth." Tex seems to have a handle on this. "Again! In through the nose! And out through the mouth!"

"Uh, maybe I can get some candles," Church suggest, then he asks, "would you like some candles, or some incense? How 'bout that?"

"Hey Andy, Knock, knock." Gary attempts to tell him a joke.

"Who's there?"

"Inner peace and serenity."

"I already heard that one."

"Um, Church," I grab his attention, "We are supposed to try and calm him, not seduce him."

Church gives me disgusted look, this actually makes Andy laugh, "That, heh…that wasn't bad." Oh boy, now we're making progress.

"So, are we cool here?" Church asks.

"I think we're finally calmed down," Tucker confirms.

"Yes. We are all better now," Caboose confirms as well, "We are not mad. And we are definitely not thinking about exploding at all anymore."

"Hey, wait a minute," Andy suddenly speaks up, "Are you talking about me?"

"What?" Church cries out is surprise, "No. Course not. We just want to make sure we're all happy and we're not upset in any way whatsoever."

Andy then gets suspicious, "Don't say we. You really mean me! I mean you, which in this case is me."

"Well actually Andy," I inform him, "He technically means all of us, you see, if one person is upset, that makes it a bad work environment and all us are then upset. That's why it's our job to try and, alleviate some of that stress, if we can't be calm, we can't work properly." I then ask everyone, "Right guys?" They all agree with me.

"Okay, fine Lockett, you make a good point."

"Yeah, and besides, we aren't talking about you," Church does an attempt to alleviate the tension by moving the blame to someone else, "No, no no. Uh we were uh…talking about Tex." One word, smooth.

She then looks over at church in confusion, "Excuse me?"

"Hey do you wanna die in an explosion?" Church hisses, "Play along!" He then clears his throat and looks back at Andy, "Yeah um, I don't don't know if you noticed she's uh, she's kind of a bitch. Isn't that right guys?" Church then looks over at us for help.

"Church!" Tex growls.

"I don't know," Andy mumbles.

"Come on Tex," Church murmurs. This whole thing just got more entertaining at least.

She lets out a sigh "Yes, we're talking about me."

Andy then gets a little suspicious, "Sounds like you're patronizing."

She then growls and mutter something under her breath before she continues, "No really, its me. I'm a bitch."

Church then lets out a chuckle, "Keep going." I'm gonna have some fun.

"You can't really blame her. I mean look at what she has to deal with," I then motion to Tucker, and Church, mostly Church, "Especially Church."

"What?" Church looks up in surprise.

"That's totally prime boyfriend material right there!" I sarcastically reply, everyone laughs at this, even Tex. Church was about to let out a complaint but he stops when he hears what Text says.

"I need to be calmed down all the time."

"Or what happens?" Fergo asked.

She turns and glares at Church, "Or else I get so mad, that I kill people on my own team."

Church then sobers up and says, "I see your point."

"Tell him about the moodiness," Caboose quickly comments. "Oh, and the crankiness."

Tucker then also adds, "Also mention how you like to punch people in the head while they sleep."

"That was you?" CAboose cries. "I thought the tooth fairy was mad at me." Fergo rushes over to Caboose and tries to comfort him while he starts tearing up.

"Oh, don't forget," I also add, "She also makes us train and use paint bullets, like actually paint rounds shaped like bullets powered by gunpowder."

"And how she makes us sit in rooms with tear gas and tests flash bangs on us," Fergo quickly adds.

"Don't you do that Lockett?" Tucker asks before I stamp on his foot. "Ow!" In truth, I actually do make them train with paint rounds, I find them more useful than stun rounds.

Andy actually seems to buy this, "Wow, she sounds like a real handful."

Tex all of sudden loses it, "Alright listen here you little noob firecracker."

Church then starts to panic, "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! See what I mean Andy? Volatile."

Tex then growls, "I am so going to remember this Church."

Caboose leans in and whispers to Church, "You should sleep with your pillow on top… you head… tonight."

Church shakes his head, "Yes, that's very funny. Make all the threats you want. As long as everyone is calm and peaceful, then there is nothing to makes us excited. I don't care." Right as he finishes that sentence there is an explosion that goes off right behind him followed by gunfire. Several of us just drop to the floor while Texan I turn and face where the explosions originated. Church just stood there. I thought to myself, 'Where did he get plasma rifles?'

We all here a maniacal laugh, "Attack my robot minions!" shit it's O'Malley.

Church lets out a sigh, "I could almost feel that coming right as soon as I said that."

I grabbed Church's shoulder "Come on we gotta go!" I then proceed to run for the battlements with Tex and Tucker right on my heels. When we got there, We saw a platoon of robots firing at the compound, on a platform overlooking the troops was O'Malley himself.

Tex then comments, "Alright, I think I can take him." Se then turns and looks at Tucker, specifically his sword, "I just need a better weapon."

"You want me to help you find one?" Tucker offers.

"Hmm, no, why don't you just give me your sword." I so called that.

"Whatever, Tucker, you and Tex wait here, I'm gonna get some grenades," with that I ran for Caboose and left the two alone.

"Caboose! Fergo!" I cry out. They come over to me, and I tell them, "I need grenades! Give me what you got and then go find more!" They both nod and then they give the grenades that they have at the moments. I then rush back to the battlements only to find…Tucker knocked out on the floor, at the bottom of the balcony,

"Really Tucker?" I make my way to him and I just happened to run into Church on the way. Tucker lets out a groan as I help him up.

"Woah, Tucker, are you okay?" Church asks.

"God, damn," he looks at us and then says, "Okay new rule: we start rotating knockouts." He then turns to Church, "Next time, it's your turn."

"Hey, good idea," Church sarcastically remarks, "And next time Caboose decides he wants to go team killing, you can take that one."

Tucker then hesitates and then says, "Maybe we should all stick to what we know best."

I then notice something, "Hey Tucker, where's the sword?"

"You think she knocked m,e out for fun?" Tucker rhetorically asks. "This isn't Tuesday dude, she took it!"

"Man," Church then facepalms, "This is not gonna be good."

I then comment, "Well, it was pretty obvious she was gonna try to take it, you remember how she was looking at it earlier?" We then hear a loud explosion and we both take a look, O'Malley's army has been completely knocked out. We make our way to a spot to observe the carnage.

"Wow," Church gasps, "She really did a lot of damage."

I then reply, "Yeah, it's amazing what grenades can accomplish in a closed off area like this…Or any type of explosive of that matter."

"Are you surprised?" Tucker asked.

"No, not really," Church answers, "I guess not."

"I'll tell you what, besides Lockett, it's days like today, I'm really glad she's on our side," Tucker then tells us. I was about to reply when a voice interrupts our thoughts.

"Who's on our side?" its Tex. She then looks at the field in awe, "Woah! Who killed all the robots?"

"Uh, you did," Church answers.

"No I didn't."

"What?"

Tex then holds up Tucker's sword, "I've been down stairs trying to figure out how to turn this sword on." Well I'll be damned.

Church begins to ponder for a moment, "Wait a second…" he mutters.

"Just push the power button!" Tucker instructs.

"I did, that didn't work."

"Yeah that's surprising."

I then see Church just take off, "Where's he going?" I ask myself. I then shake off my curiosity and I turn back to the pair.

"Locket, what do you make of this?" Tex asks.

"I dunno maybe it's locked to Tucker's DNA so only he can use it."

"Like fingerprints?" Tucker asks.

"Tucker, how can it sense fingerprints through gloves?" I ask him. Right when he was about to answer, we all hear a very loud, high pitched scream.

"What was that?" I ask.

"That sounds like Church," Tex answers.

 _To be continued_

 **Author's note: Another chapter done, and this time in the window of one-week. I'll try to keep the update speed at that, but no promises. Thank you for reading.**


	16. First Contact

**Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue. Must, you guys must really have liked the last chapter, it jumped like a hundred views the span of two days, I guess I'm doing something right, thank you.**

First Contact

"And then he says: "Did I read it? I already ruined it.""

"Tucker, that's disgusting," Tex grimaced. I shake my head and Fergo sighs.

"I don't get it," Caboose replies.

"What… The… Fuck… Was that?" We all turn our heads and we see Church in ghost form.

"Hey Church!" Caboose cheerfully greets.

"Hey," Tucker also greets, Fergo just waves.

Tex was just confused, "Huh?"

"Hey Church," I greet, "Or well, part of you anyway," and I point to his lack of body.

"Isn't anybody gonna ask me "What happened to your body Church?"" Church asks.

We all dumbly ask at the same time, "What happened to your body, Church?"

"What happened to somebody, Church?" well at least Caboose tried.

"Hell if I know," Church replies, "All I know is: I was sitting there talking to Gary, and-"

"The bomb?" Tex asks.

"No that's Any," Church corrects, "Gary is the computer."

Texc throws up her arms in frustration, "I don't even know your name half the time!" I highly doubt that.

"I know my name!" Caboose gleefully shouts, he then leans over and whispers, "You can ask me if you forget."

"Hey!" Church waves over to us, "Can we please focus on me?"

"By the way, he's Church," Caboose the points at the undead soldier.

"Thank you, Caboose. She knows," Church says.

"See, he is the mean one," he explains.

"THANK YOU, CABOOSE."

"See?" Caboose points out, "he is mad. And he'll just stare at me until I stop talking," which he does just that, "Then, when he thinks I am done talking, then he will start talking again."

Church waits for a few seconds, he then turns to Tex and continues again, "Okay, I was talking to Gary and-"

"Told you so."

"GODDAMNIT!" Church screams.

"Classic Church," Caboose mutters.

Tucker then says, "I wonder if a ghost can have an aneurysm,"

"I don't know," I reply, "But this is just comic gold," I laugh.

"Anyway," Church then starts once again, "I was talking to Gary about the great destroyer, who at the time, we thought was Tex. And that's when I turned around and I saw…"

"Saw what?" Caboose asked, "O'Malley?"

"What the? CAboose, get out of the story man!" Church exclaimed, "No it wasn't O'Malley."

"What was it?"

"Stop interrupting me, and I'll tell you."

"A helicopter?"

"Um Caboose, you really need to stop interrupting people hun, it's rude and you are making Church upset."

"Yeah Caboose, shut up!" Tucker replied as well. At this, Fergo walks up to Caboose and whispers to him.

Caboose looks apologetically at Church, "Sorry Church,"

Church then turns and scolds Tucker as well, "Hey Tucker, you're interrupting now too. Everyone just get out of here."

"Me?" Tucker asked with an accused tone, "Dude I'm just trying to punch up the story line. Check this out." Check then dons a feminine like voice and tried to mix Tex into it as well, this is what we gots.

"Hi everybody, I'm super horny from all the robot killing," Fergo and I start laughing at this, Tex's face quickly forms a glare. "Hey is it hot in here? Who wants to help me out of this heavy armor? This breastplate is so itchy," at this point Fergo and I were on the floor laughing.

"Bow Chicka bow-*gun click* whoa, story's over," Tucker quickly finishes, we look up and we see Tex aiming her rifle at Tucker.

"You're a pig," Tex jeers, she then walks over to Church.

"I didn't even get to the part where the sailor showed up," Tex muttered.

Fergo and I try to cheer him up, "If it helps man, we thought it was funny," Fergo nods with agreement. This manages to draw a smile back one the aqua colored armor.

Tex rolls her eyes, "Just tell us, what did you see?"

"Um," Church takes a moment to think, "It was a really big…"Thing.""

I just have to do it, I'm sorry, "Sooooo…not your dick?"

"NOOOO!" Church angrily screams. Tucker and Fergo double over at this, even Tex started laughing too, Church just stared at me, I think he was trying to intimidate me, probably not going to work.

"Lockett here isn't all that wrong, but really though Church," Tex replies with a deadpan manner, "That's your story? You saw a big "thing"?"

Tucker decides to chime in as well, "My story had a big thing in it too. You just didn't give it time to develop."

"What, your dick or your Magical Technology Sword?" Fergo asks.

"Both," he replies.

"That what we're calling it now? Magical Technology Sword?" I ask. Fergo just shrugs, "Kind of generic but…alright. So anyway, a "thing" Church?"

He sheepishly replies, "Well I didn't get a really clear look at it."

"At tucker's big thing." Caboose adds.

"No dumb ass," Church retorts, "At the big thing in the base that attacked me. All I know is that it as slimy and it had lots of teeth."

"Kinky," Tucker replies.

Church says to him, "Seriously dude, cut the shit. We got a situation on our hands."

"Well how did you fight it off?" Tex asks.

"Tex," Fergo grabs her attention, "It's Church, do you really think he fought it off?"

"Oh, right," Tex nervously chuckles.

"She's right," Church adds, "You must have me confused with someone who's brave. I got the hell out of there."

"Wait, you're telling me that you left your body behind?" Tex asks with a little bit a disbelief added in her tone.

"I had to get out of there fast. That body was just dead weight."

Caboose cuts in, "I know the feeling."

"What's that suppose to mean?" a confused Church asks.

"HA HA HA! HA!" Tucker laughs, "Some slimy dude monster scared the crap out of Church! HA! HA!"

With a cheshire grin, Tex corrects "He didn't scare the crap out of him. He scared the SOUL out of him." That wasn't bad.

"Oh its Church. What's the difference?" Tucker asks. "His soul is made out of crap. Stupid crap for soul."

Church then shrugs, "For all I know, he is in there chewing on my body right now."

"So we got a "bug hunt"," I finish.

"How do you know the big thing is a bug?" Fergo asks.

"Cause its gonna look like one after we squash it."

"Yeah, let's go get this "big thing" of yours," Tex menacingly replies.

"Bow Chicka Bow Wow!" Tucker annoying, well annoying for them, I thinks its funny, ads.

Tex says, "Oh shut up,"

"Shut up Tucker," Church says as well.

"Somebody call for a really hairy plumber? Bow Chicka Bow Wow!"

"Tucker, shut up."

"That one actually wasn't bad," I tell him.

"Don't encourage him," Church growls, I ignore him.

"Really?" he asks, Fergo and I nod. "Well there's more where that came from." He clears his throat, "I came here to lay some pipe. Bow Chika Bow Wow!"

"TUCKER!" Tucker looks over to me and Fergo, we simply raise our hands and show him the okay sign.

"So I hear you got sisters. Bow Chicka- who were twins -Wow Wow!"

"Shut up!"

"I don't get it," I reply.

Fergo adds as well, "Yeah, it didn't really make sen-" then it hit us.

"Okay, that was a good one!" we laugh.

"Hey are you a model or a famous actress? Bow Chicka Bow Wow!"

"Shut up!"

"Okay, now that one I don;t get," I tell him.

"Well not yet," Fergo chimes in, "I'm sure we'll figure out eventually."

Tucker shrugs, "Bow Chicka Bow Wow…" Tucker then continues that phrase for a good 5 seconds with Church continually saying "shut up" at the same time.

 _Line break_

So here we are, standing outside of the building Church claims the monster is in.

"We haven't seen hat alien tying come out, so it's probably still hiding in there," Tucker finally speaks up.

"Or…" Caboose suggests, "Eating Church!"

"Alright then, let's roll," Tex then pulls the bolt back on her rifle, I put in a new magazine into my smg and then slap the bolt.

"Ok…" Church takes in a deep breath, "Here we go."

"Uhhh Church?" I turn over to him, "We're not moving."

"Yeah, yeah, okay," Church then clears his throat, "Here we go." A few more seconds pass.

Tucker then murmurs, "We're still not moving."

"Does, talking count s moving?" Caboose asks Fergo, she shakes her head.

Tex lets out a sigh, "Alright screw it, you guys get behind me and stay tight."

"Bow Chicka Bow Wow."

"Nevermind, Tuck's in front."

"Eh, it was worth it." We then make our way into the building, Tucker is at point with his sniper rifle, Church follows closely behind.

"Hey, why didn't you bring that glowing thing?" Church asks.

Tucker replies incredulously, "No man, I want a gun!"

"But I've got gun!"

I came in right behind Church, "What are you gonna do, shoot it with ghost bullets?"

"Okay yeah, that's a good point," Church comments.

Tucker then sarcastically says, "Hey, I'm Casper the Friendly Bullet! Hey Lockett, what's wrong?"

"I thought I saw something," I reply, I then let out a sigh, "Maybe it was just the light."

We then hear Tex shout, "Hey! See anything?"

"Nope!" Tucker shouts back.

"You know, Andy was here when I got attacked, maybe he knows something," Church offers.

Tucker and I share a glance, "You wanna ask?"

Church pauses for a moment, he then sneaks over to the ledge and whispers, "Hey! Andy! Andy!"

The high explosive gracious.y greats the ghost, "Hey! Look who's back! That dickdead!"

Church then growls, "Hey, up yours."

"Back for another beating'? It must be ass kick o'clock." These jabs at Church aren't half bad, maybe I should take notes.

"Where's that big alien thing?"

"I don't know, last time I saw him, he was half-way up you ass," I really hope that wasn't literal.

Tex then runs up, "Is this bomb giving you a hard time?"

"I see you brought a girl with ya," Andy jeers, "What are you gonna have? A cryin' contest?"

Church then cranes his neck and then pints, "Hey look! There's my body, right there!" he points to where Gary is.

I then hear something, "Arg." I turn my head and glance at the corner where I heard the noise, and I see this thing. It was reptilian, crouched over and had lots of teeth, at this point I froze. I quickly grab Tucker.

"What?" he asks me. I just point, and Tucker follows where I am pointing, then he too sees the creature. Unlike me though, he doesn't freeze, oh no.

"Uh! There it is!" he screams.

"Jesus run!" Church screams.

"Crap!" Tex screams as well. We then start firing our guns at him, I then stop for a moment, and I turn and face the others. Jesus, okay…they were all aiming their rifles up and they were spraying at the ceiling. I just sat there with my mouth open as Tex flats out runs backwards.

Tucker screams, "Oh my god, I'm gonna die, what the fuck is that thing?" He then runs out, I turn back and face the creature and watch him creep back behind the corner.

Andy is just having a ball here, "What? Ya leavin' already? That's fuckin' hilarious."

I let out a sigh, "My team. You have got to be kidding me." I look back at the spot and it's still vacant. I let out an exasperated groan, and then throw my arms up, "Fine! I guess we're fucking running!" I then stroll out the door with a long stream of cusses. When I get back to Fergo and Caboose…it's literally just those two.

"Where did they go?" Caboose points to behind him.

Fergo then answers, "They said something about a victory lap, we should probably go meet up with them."

 _1 Minute Later_

So here we are now, sitting out side the gate, just staring through the gates of the main entrance.

Church then complains, "Agh, man I just cannot fucking stand the idea of my body laying in there!"

"Hah! You never looked better!" Andy laughs.

"Hey shut up Andy!" Church then turns his attention back to us, "You know, we could've taken that alien out if I'd hit him just a few more times."

I deadpan to him and say, "I think you mean if you actually hit him at all."

"Yeah!" cries Tucker, "A few more times? How about one time?"

"Well I think I landed at least two or three shots," Church replies.

"You didn't hit anything but the wall," Tex counters.

"Tex, I don't think you're in the position to criticize," I tell her and she looks at me in confusion.

"Yeah," Church adds, "How the hell would you know? You were running straight up backwards."

She pulls up her rifle, "This is a long range weapon okay? I need distance to use it effectively."

"Where were you planning on shooting it from?" Tucker asks, "The fucking moon? If you backed up any further, you would have had to mail him the bullets."

"What about you Lockett?" Tex asks, "You didn't fire a shot."

I with a bored tone reply, "The thing ran away right when you decided to empty half your mags into the ceiling, and to be honest, I was too dumbstruck watching you guys panic to really care. Like for example, what was Tucker doing in a confined space with a sniper rifle? That's like the least effective spot for it!"

She then throws up her arms, "You know what? I work better alone. You ladies stay here. I'll be back in two minutes wit that things head on a platter!"

As Tex leaves, Tucker asks, "Does it ever bother you that the one of the two most take charge guys on our team is a girl?"

"Not at all," Church replies truthfully, "As long as I get my body back, I don't care if I'm a hero." I roll my eyes and light a cigarette.

After a few moments of silence, Church then asks, "What?"

Tucker chuckles, "Haha, well Church you're kind of a long way from being a hero."

"Yeah," Fergo joins in, "Wouldn't have been better to say: I don't care if I'm a participant? Or maybe: a bystander?"

Church gives out a glare, "Shut up."

"A decoy?" Caboose suggests.

"Hey Caboose don't help him okay?"

"I got it!" Everyone looks at me. "He's a POG!"

"A what?" Church asks.

"A POG, Personal Other the Grunts, rear echelon fucks that just sit in the back and watch while everyone else does the work, I swear, the fucking cooks and supply guys do more than them."

"You're right," Fergo nods, "That does seem like Church." Everyone seems to agree.

Church just looks down and grumbles, "Shut up."

"Hey she's going in," Tucker announces, "Think she can take him?" Right as he finishes the question, we hear a loud thump.

"Oh crap!"

"Nope," Church replies popping the 'p'. Fine, time to try something else. I put out my cigarette and the proceed to walk for the compound.

"Caboose, with me," I growl, and Caboose quickly makes his way to my side.

"Where are we going?" Caboose asks.

"We're going to see Andy. We are going to ask him where the alien is, then we are going to try and talk to the alien."

"Aaaagh, what would we say?" Caboose asks.

"We'll worry about it when we get there, it's also why I want to see Andy."

We then make our way into the spot where Tex had run in, "Hey look," Caboose points out, "It's Tex's body."

"Well what do you know, it really is," I reply. "Man, she didn't make it that far." I then motioned for him to keep walking, "Come one, we aren't going to make any progress just waiting here."

We then make our way to where Andy was, "Hey Lockett! Caboose! Great to see you guys, you already made it farther than the others."

"Yeah because I'm not an incompetent moron," I grumble.

Andy replies, "I swear man, you really seem like their parent, I kind of feel bad for you."

I just shrug, "Anyway, Andy, you won't by any chance have like any translator software on you would you?"

Andy then thoughtfully says, "I might, I mean Tex did build me from some old protocol robot or whatever, I might have that file somewhere, I look into it for you."

"Thanks,"

"Oh, and Andy?" Caboose the speaks, "Say? Have you seen a…it's a big aaah slimy, like alien looking thing?" Our eyes then slowly look past Andy, "It's shaped just kinda like that shadow on the ground next to you." Oh shit.

 _Line Break_

"Okay Caboose, he hasn't attacked us yet, so let's just slowly turn around okay?"

"Alright Lockett," Caboose then nervously whispers, "Lockett, I'm scared."

"I know but, just stay calm alright? The worst thing we can do right now is panic," to be honest I'm shaking in my boots right now. We then slowly and we stood face to face.

"Uh, hello?" we say.

"Blarrg. Bloor blarg honk!" Well he seems friendly enough, so we start to calm down.

"Aw, it's like a doggy," Caboose the tries to pet him which results in Caboose getting slapped.

"Ow!"

"Blarg!" the alien angrily shouts. This causes Andy to start laughing.

"Sorry, he, um…he means well, but he doesn't really think sometimes," I explain apologetically.

The alien nods, "Wort wort wort," I guess he accepts it.

"I think we should name it!" Caboose chirps.

"Well what do you have in mind?" Andy asks. "How about, Biggus Dickuss." Really?

"No, I think I will call him…Crunchbite!"

"Ehh, that's a stupid name," Andy unapologetically comments, he's right, it wasn't that good.

"Ah, well, I think it's better than what you suggested," Caboose counters.

"Guys, I think he already has a name," I tell them.

"Yeah, then what the hell do we call him until we figure out what he's saying?" Andy asks.

"Good point, how about, Kaiju?"

"Why that?" Caboose asks.

"Cause I like Godzilla and he reminds me of him."

"Caboose who are you talking to-Holy shit!" we turn and we see Church and Tex, and they both have their guns pointed at our new friend.

"Blarrg!" the alien cries.

"No guys wait stop!" Caboose and I cry.

"He is my friend!" Caboose also adds.

"Yeah, he's friendly guys, he's not going to kill us, I swear," I try reassuring them.

"Yeah, he's not going to eat anybody," Caboose once again also adds.

"He thinks you guys stink too much to eat," Andy jeers.

"He thinks we stink?" Tex asks with disbelief. "He smells like someone set a fish on fire in here."

"Wort?" the alien cries in shock.

"Lockett, what the fuck man, are you sure about this thing?" Church asks.

"Yeah, he has not tried to bite me, ever, he did slap me though," Caboose responds.

"Yeah," laughs Andy, "That was hilarious, like he went full on back hand."

"I think I might need an icepack," Caboose whimpers while rubbing the side of his face.

Church then take a step back, "Whoa, that thing's breath smells like infected cheese on a hot-plate!" He then coughs.

"BLARRG!" the laine angrily shouts.

"I don't think he likes that," Andy chuckles.

Tucker then walks in, "Aw man what is that stench?" The alien then turns his head towards Tucker. "Is a skunk juggling dead hamster in here? It smells like old yogurt!" The aline seems to be getting more annoyed at Tucker, sometimes, I don't blame him, "Did you eat then throw up a can of trash?"

"Honk!" the aline shouts.

"That's exactly what he said to me right before he hit me," Caboose whimpers.

"Blarrg blarg honk. Bloor…"

"You understand what he's saying?" Tex asks Church.

Church then says, "Wait wait wait, I think I'm hearing a pattern here, I think that blargs come after honks…or vise versa."

"I think blarg means me, or apples," Caboose attempts at translating. "Guys!" Caboose shouts, "Apples must be the name of his cat! Quick, quick!" he then turns the alien and asks, "Is Apples stuck in a tree?"

"Blarg."

"I will call the fire department."

"Caboose, what?" a confused Fergo asks.

Church then asks, "Mister Huge Alien, do you understand what we are saying?"

"Blar blar blar!" he cries.

Church thoughtful replies, "I have no idea if that means yes or no."

"Totally blows away your vise versa theory," Caboose comments. "Sorry."

"*more random noises from the alien*"

"You two are retarded," Tucker cires, "You're not going to be able to figure out alien language by experimentation, give it up."

"You don't know that!" Church retorts.

Fergo then counters with, "You don't even know how they talk! What if their language isn't entirely verbal, it could be part telepathic, or… via smells, oh word."

"Via smells?" a confused Church asks.

"Well, there are animals known to communicate through pheromones, but I think that's just things like feeling," I explain.

"Well in that case, Tucker should be fluent in the language already, jackass." Church insults.

"Honk!"

"Oh shut up you're not helping."

"Wait," caboose whispers, "I think Tucker might be right! I think he might be saying things telepathically, I just heard something in my head?"

"What? What was it?" Church asks.

"It was a voice, it was saying "blarg blarg blarg"."

"Um Caboose, that wasn't in your head, he just said that" explained Fergo.

"Caboose, you're so dumb you're like a few seconds behind us, by the time your brain has figured out what's heard it feels like it already happened!" Church explains. Fergo walks over and kicks Church in the shin…again.

"That's not true," Caboose says. "Wait! I hear something else in my head! It must be apples, trying to communicate with me, quick Tucker, get a ladder."

"Caboose," I tell him, "I think the smells are getting to you." Man, this is going to be a long day.

 **Author's note: Thank you for reading if you have made it this far, I hope you liked it, if you did please follow and/or favorite if you want more, hopefully I'll have a new chapter out by next week. Reviews if you have any criticisms, they do help.**


	17. English 101

**Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue, or really anything like that for that matter. I am aware that characters have helmets with full visors and can't really display facial emotion, for those who noticed that and are concerned, just bare with me. Enjoy?**

English 101

Tucker begins talking slowly, "Okay, Church is trying to get a translator, so that we can talk to each other."

Church glances at me and Fergo attempting to hold in our laughter, he then informs Tucker, "Tucker, the enormous alien doesn't speak our language. Speaking slowly is not going to help."

"What?" asks a confused Tucker, "I'm talking about Caboose."

Church adjusts his gaze to behind Tucker, "Oh."

"I don't understand," Caboose responds, "Are…are…are you hungry? Tucker, are you hungry? Are you cold?"

"What! No?"

"Do you need a blanket?" Fergo and I were doing a fine job until; this line was said, "Tucker, do you want some hot dogs in a blanket?" A few seconds passed, the two of us looked over to Tucker to see his emotionless stance, then…

"BWAHAHAHAHA!" We were pretty much rolling on the floor. Even Church was slightly amused, I really wasn't sure if Caboose was joking or not, but I swear I could hear a slight chuckle from under Caboose's helmet, I wonder…

"Dammit no!" Tucker angrily cries, "Caboose, I'm not cold, I don't want a hot dog, and if you put mustard in my fucking sheets again, I'm going to kill you!"

Caboose ignores Tucker and turns his attention to the alien, "Okay gargantuan alien, now that we have decided to keep you, you need a real name," he then turns to us, "I vote for Fluffy."

"Fluffy?" a confused Tucker asked.

"Fluffy! The alien that only loves!" Caboose jumped with joy.

"Uh Caboose?" I turn and face him, "As cute as that name would be, I think he already has a name."

"He's got to have a name!" Tucker agrees, "Why don't we just ask him?" He then does just that, "Hey alien dude, what's your name?"

He then slowly repeats the word, "Name. I am Tucker," he points at himself, "He is Church," he then points at Church. He then points at Tex, "That is Bitch Pants McCrabby."

"Hey!"

"Well that's we call you!" Tucker sheepishly replies.

"Not me," Caboose corrects, "I call you "Mrs. McCrabby"."

"Thanks," Tex replies with a deadpan tone.

Fergo shakes her head and says to him, "Only you Tucker."

Church then slowly asks the alien, "What is your name?"

"Honk-honk."

"Your name."

"Honk-honk."

"Naaame."

"Um…Church?" I whisper. He ignored me and instead heard Tucker…damnit Tucker.

"Just keep repeating it Church. I'm sure he'll come up with the right definition on his own."

Church then continues, slowly of course, "He is Tucker. Tuc-ker. You are…"

"Honk-honk." Man, this is kind of sad to watch.

"No, no. No, not "Honk-honk". Name."

"Okay, I give up. All this guy says is "Honk-honk!""

"Church?" I call out again.

"Yeah Lockett?"

"I think his name is Honk-honk."

"Blarg?" the alien turns to me.

"Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds?" Tucker asks incredulously.

"Yeah, I mean seriously, what kind of name is "Honk-Honk"?" Church asks with disbelief in his voice.

This time it's Tex whose speaks up, "It's an alien, him having a weird name is not the most dumbest thing out there, even if it is "Honk-honk!""

"Blarg?"

"Hey, big alien," Church grabs the attention from our other-worldly companion. "Is your name "Honk-Honk"?"

The alien answers "Blarg."

"Hey wait a second," Church gasps, "I think "Blarg" means "Yes"." He then turns and asks the no dubbed Honk-Honk for reassurance, "Alien, does "Blarg" mean "Yes"?"

"Blarg."

"Holy shit!" Church cries with excitement, ""Blarg" means "Yes"!"

He then turns to Tucker practically jumping with joy like a that video of the kid with the really old gaming console, "He just said "Yes"! "Blarg" means "Yes"! I speak alien."

"I don't know Church," a perplexed Fergo responds, "The tone that Honk-Honk is giving us could easily mean "No" just as much as it means "Yes"..."

"Which could mean he just said "No. Blarg does not mean yes"." Tex finishes.

"What?!" Church asks in disbelief, "No way! Hey alien, am I right?"

"Blarg."

"Ha-ha, see?" Church brags, "The fuck do you know?" I face palm…which is now something I haven't done in a while…odd.

 _5 minutes later_

We are now outside the base in the courtyard, present right now are Tucker, Caboose, Fergo, Hon-honk, and I. What we are doing right now…it's… I don't know…I don't even know why I agreed to help. Whatever, I'm just going to read some gun magazines that O'Malley seemed to have left. Fergo somehow rigged her radio to play music and she's now listening to it through her headset.

"Church!" Tucker shouts, "Church! Hey Church!"

"I'm right behind you dumb ass."

"Yeah, seriously Tucker, how did you not notice that?" a tired sounding Fergo asks.

Tucker turns around, "Oh, hey Church, do you have a knife?"

"No. that's a dude, weapon, ask Tex."

"She said she had something to take care of. Girl stuff I think," Tucker answers.

"Huh? Like what?" a now curious Church asks.

"I don't know. I stopped asking questions about "girl stuff"," Tucker laughed.

Church then notices the stuff behind Tucker, "What are you guys doing?"

"Question of my life," I mutter. Tucker shows Church the make-shift classroom he made.

"We are going to teach the alien how to speak English," Tucker proudly announces. Wow, we know the alien's name is Honk-honk yet no one besides me and Fergo use it.

"How are you going to do that?" Church, once again, asks with disbelief.

Tucker nonchalantly replies, "People learn English all the time, besides, Lockett says he already seems to understand us just fine, so we're halfway there. It's not that hard."

Church then suggests, "Maybe you should try and learn it's language instead."

Tucker just waves it off, "Fuck that, we got here first, and that makes this a colony. Those are the rules dude: Earth colony, Earth language."

"Tucker, there are thousands of other languages on Earth."

"Yea, but English is the most spoken one meaning it's the only that kicks ass!" Tucker then points to the board, "And that's the one we're teaching: English: 101-Remedial Kick Ass." Not gonna lie, that was actually pretty good.

Church just sighs, "Sorry, there is no way this is going to work."

"Yeah it is," Tucker counters, "We have visual aids and everything. "

"Where the hell did you get those?"

"We made 'em," Tucker nonchalantly explains, "It turns out, Caboose's gun didn't have any bullets, it was loaded with crayons. I just need to cut one of these things. You have a pocket knife?"

"Why didn't you ask Lockett?" Church asks. Yes, why didn't you Tucker?

"Oh yeah, Locket, do you have a knife?" I simple play a combat knife from off my belt and hold it by the blade out to him without ever looking away from the magazine.

"Not that I wouldn't let you borrow my stuff, you could use your sword," I reminded him.

"Oh, right. Duh," Tucker dumbly answers. He then pulls out his sword and activates it.

"Blarg?" Honk-honk looks over to Tucker. "WRAAARRGHHHH!" He then goes and tackles Tucker to the ground where he proceeds to starts beating Tucker.

"Man Tucker," Church laughs, "That thing either really hates that sword, or just really hates you."

"Aaaaaah!" he painfully screams. "Get this fucker off of me!"

"Haha wait a second Tucker, this might be a good chance to evaluate how those things fight," Church laughs again. "Now hold still, for science."

"Not the face! Not the face!"

Fergo takes a sip from her canteen and watches the spectacle before us, "Should we help him?"

Still without looking up from my magazine, "Mmm…It's your choice if we do, otherwise I don't really know." She then shrugs, puts her headset back on and goes back to listing to her music.

"Oh, that reminds me, I'll be right back," I inform her, and she just nods.

 _Linebreak_

"Hey Andy," I greet the bomb.

"Hey, Lockett! How's baby-sitting?" the bomb greets..

"Oh, you know, same old shit, only now with an alien thrown in," I reply.

"Sounds like a handful. Anyway, what can I help you with?" Andy asks.

"You finished translating Honk-honk's language?"

"Wait, wait…his name is Honk-honk?" Andy asks at the point of laughing.

I just shrug, "I don't know, that's what he says when we ask for a name, anyway, Andy, the translations?"

"Yeah, they're all done, I mean I'll have to still be near the alien, but, yeah I can tell you what he's saying."

"Okay, thanks Andy," I cheerfully reply.

"Anytime Lockett." He then informs me, "You know Tex stopped by earlier asking for he same thing."

"Really?" he now has my attention, "How did that go?"

"I gave her a hard time, you know the usual! I gave her the ol' one two." I raise an eyebrow at this. "Be rude to her and insult her femininity, or you know, her lack of the…" Well, you can't argue with that. "She had to threaten me in order to get what she wanted! Ha!"

"Well did she?"

"Well yeah she did, it's Tex, but she spent twice as long as you!" he then starts bawling with laughter. "Did you know, she not only made me from an old protical robot, but she also made me from some of her more "personal" devices!"

"I probably could have been fine not knowing that Andy."

"Well now you do! You know, I have just noticed, you're the only person here I talk to without insulting."

"Now that you bring that up, why do you treat me better than the others?" I ask curiously.

"Easy, you're not a dumb ass, or an ass-hole, or a dumb ass-hole," Andy simply answers.

"Oh, well, I'm going to get the others, see you around."

"Later Lockett. Good luck with the baby sitting."

"Oh, one more thing! Only translate the important stuff, I don't want some of that retarded gossip and touchy-feely crap!"

"What do you take me for Lockett? Of course I wouldn't tell the other guys that!" Whatever, I then walk out of the room to find Church. "Oh wait Lockett! Take me with you!"

"How?"

"There's a cargo trolley under the stairs, use that!"

"Oh, thanks," I walk over and place the bomb on the trolley, and then I walked out of the room pulling Andy with me.

 _Linebreak_

When I got to where Church was, he was already in an argument with Tex. Caboose and Fergo wave at us, I have back.

"There is no way I'm gonna let this happen!" Church growled.

"I told you he can do it!" Tex argued.

"Listen, I don't doubt that he can do it, I doubt I want him to do it?"

"Wow, Tex is really bad negotiating isn't she?" I whisper to Andy.

"Well yeah." he whispers back, "Why do you think she's never gotten married?"

"Andy is not exactly the most diplomatic of individuals!" Church argued again.

"This is why I don't respect any of them," Andy whispers to me, I nod.

"You're just being racist Church!" Tex accuses.

"Race! Bombs are not a race Tex!" he screams back. "We finally make contact with an alien being…" technically we already did, but whatever, "And our first attempt at communication is going to be through a bomb! Am I the only person with a problem with that?"

"Church, unless you have your English to Blarg-blarg dictionary, we don't have a choice!" Fergo joins in.

"I had one of those," Caboose remises, "But I threw it out, it didn't have many pictures."

"I'm sure it's going to be fine," Tex tries to reason.

"No!" Church firmly answers.

"Hey Church!" I call out finally.

"Yeah?"

"Andy and I talked, he has the translating data ready, anytime we can go over to the a line to find out what he's saying."

Church pauses for a moment, "Alright, sure Lockett."

"Wait hold on!" a frustrated Tex jumps in, "Why does he get your acceptance?!"

"Because 1: I didn't date Lockett, 2: I trust his judgement way more than I will ever yours," Church explains. Tex just glares at him, she looks over at me and I just shrug. I can't help it if I can get people to like me so easily, it's a talent.

"Church, let me tell you, I agree with you on that, love is bull shit, anyway, where is Honk-honk?"

Church then cries out, "Oh shit!" Oh yeah, I guess I was forgetting something.

 _1 minute later_

"Oh hohohoho man…" Tucker groans as he slowly gets back up. "I'm gonna die."

Andy is already hard at work talking to Honk-honk, "Blargh, largh, wahublargh."

"What's he saying now Andy?" Caboose asked for the 10th time. I could hear Andy getting annoyed, "Hey Caboose why don't we let Andy work and you go play wit Fergo 'kay kid?"

"Okay," Caboose cheerfully replies and he runs off to Fergo.

"Thanks for that man," Andy says once Caboose had left.

"No problem."

"Wuarrrrgh!" Honk-honk angrily cries.

"Okay," Andy interprets for us, "Basically he's uh, pissed off."

"Well obviously! Locket are you sure about this?" Church whispers to me. I raise my hand and motion him to give me a moment.

"Blargh, largh, wahublargh."

"He says he came here to claim some type of thing, and that the teal one took the thing…"

"Blarg blaargh."

"And now the thing is gone."

"Who's the real one?" Tucker asks.

"You are you idiot!" Tex hisses.

"No way, I'm aqua," Tucker retorted, "Tea's out."

"That thing that he's talking about must me Tucker's Magical Technology Sword!" Fergo gasps in realization. Still using the name I see.

"Yeah," Church also adds, "And it's not broken, it's right there." He then proceeds to point at it.

"Argh blargh!" Honk-honk angrily interjects.

Andy explains, "He says it only works with the hero who passes the trial of the windmill and retrieves it from its resting place. For everyone else, it might as well be broken."

My gaze moves towards Tex, "Uh oh," she mumbles.

"Trial?" Tucker sarcastically replies, "Please, I fell in a hole, that's not a trial. I'm starting' to like this culture though, any dude who trips is a hero," he then points at Caboose "I'm pretty sure that makes Caboose God."

Church then throws in his opinion, "This all sounds like bullshit to me."

"No," Tex interjects, "He's right, it didn't work for me remember?"

"She has I point Church," I tell him.

"Of course it didn't work for her, she's a girl. I mean, you can't even work the entertainment center back at the base. Doesn't mean the remote control is mythically attached to us," that's actually not bad reasoning, a little sexist but whatever.

"Are you volunteering to try it Church?" Fergo then asks. Sword takes one look at the sword, then at Honk-honk's teeth.

"Hur hur hur hur," Honk-honk laughs.

"Nah, I'll take his word for it," church then backs off.

"No you gotta fulfill the prophecy."

"Fuck you!" Tucker angrily shouts.

"Heh heh heh, good one," Andy chuckles. "Uh oh, he…he's not too thrilled about it either."

Tucker then starts complaining, "See, I knew this was a bad idea. Sorry to fuck up you quest, dude, but I'm not goin'."

Andy then lets out the last part, "Aaand if you don't go, he'll destroy the base, and kill everybody here."

"...Alright well have fun guys," Church tells us.

"Hey a quest sounds fun, come on Tucker!" Tex bumps his shoulder.

"Aheh, I think he should stay here, 'cause I like that killin' everybody option," smooth Andy, smooth.

 _Linebreak_

"Blargh blargh blargh, blargh."

"Then, after we cross the Burning Plain of Honka Hill, we're gonna reach the Freezing Plains of Blarganthia."

"The Burning Plains are next to the Freezing Plains?" Caboose gasps. "I bet there's some pretty wet plains in between." My bet is a swamp. We have now gathered on the beach, ready to head out on our great journey…

"This is so dumb," Tucker groaned…well most of us. "I'm not doing this."

"Hey news flash, you don't have a choice," growls Church. "You're the one that picked up the sword and locked it to yourself."

"I know!" Tucker cried. "And I'm so use to picking up things and not letting then get attached…I'm talking about women."

"I know, yes we got it," and annoyed Church replies.

"What about Fergo then?" I ask.

"Oh, she's the exception."

"Oh thanks, Tucker," grins Fergo, she then pulls him into a hug which Tucker graciously returns. "Don't worry Tucker, I'm coming with you," Fergo adds.

"Really?" he asks with surprise.

She nods, "Someone's gotta take care of you."

"I'm coming too," I also add, "someone needs to take care of Caboose." I then looks over to the rest of us, "Looks like it's just Church and Tex who are staying."

"Well yeah!" Tex exclaims, "This is the first things you wimps and one actual soldier have done that actually sounds dangerous."

"Well, I guess it's a good thing Church isn't going, he's a worse fighter than I am," Tucker laughs.

"I know," Fergo joins in, "You can actually hit things you shoot at!" This causes everyone to laugh while Church just grumbles.

Tucker then asks "Why is Caboose going?"

"He volunteered," I simply answer.

"Oh, oh, oh, I hope we meet a Cleric along the way," Caboose comments, "None of us knows how to heal."

"Blahun?"

"He says he's a healer," Andy translates.

"Oh good."

"Heh heh, not really," Andy chuckles, "They eat their wounded. Heh heh heh."

"Just like chiropractors," Caboose gasps.

Andy then continues, "Besides, I'm sure Lockett knows a bit about healing."

I shrug, "Only the basic first aid from boot-camp, I can't really help you that much."

"Trust me," Tex reassures, "It'll do, it's more than what these idiots deserve."

"Plus it's a chance to get rid of Caboose, so I took it!" Church laughs.

Caboose starts rambling, "Okay, so, um, Tucker is a fighter, Lockett is the leader, Fergo is the angel, "uh, Crunchbite is the healer," I didn't know Caboose was still using that name. "And I am the powerful…and intelligent…wizard. Morphumax." What?

"Aw, he thinks I'm an angel, that's cute," Fergo flushes.

"What the hell does that make me?" Andy asks.

"You're the good looking and stealthy archer."

"A bow-and-arrow?" Andy cries with disbelief, "I don't have any arms, you freakin' moron!"

"That is what makes you so stealthy!" Caboose then turns and faces Tucker, "This is going to be the best party! Ever." After that, I mostly ignored them and minded my own business for the next few minutes.

"You really got your work cut out for you this time," I was broken from my thoughts, I look up and I see Tex.

I tell her, "Nothing I can't handle."

"I don't know how you put up with all of them, I can barely stand them?"

"I have my ways," I joke.

Her grin then turns into a frown, "What did you mean earlier, when you said love sucks?" Damn, I knew she was going to ask that.

"Remember when I told you I had never been in an actual relationship?" She noded.

"I wasn't exactly telling the truth, I was in one…"

"You were dumped weren't you?"

I gave a sarcastic smile, "Yep, I remember it pretty clearly, it was senior year of high school. My sweetheart since junior-high, leaves me and married my best friend since junior-high."

Tex gives me a sympathetic look, "Damn," she breaths.

"On my birthday too. We are all still friends though," I tell her, the tone in my voice said otherwise. "I use go over to their house, look at all the pictures of things he is doing with her that I use to do with her."

I started listing them off, "Swimming, dancing, walking on the beach…skydiving." I turn to her with a sarcastic grin, "What are friend for right? I don't ever want to go back to civilian life now, at least my friends in the military won't back stab me like that." Church then grabs our attention, I guess he wanted to say a few more things before we left.

"Well. good luck guys," you would have to be some special kind of stupid if you didn't notice Church's sarcasm. "Don't forget to change your underwear at least once a day."

"What are you, my mom?" Fergo asks rhetorically.

"Tucker that goes double for you,"

"What?" Tucker asks in confusion, "I'm the cleanest guy here."

"No," Church chuckles, "It goes double for you because now you're in charge of changing Caboose as well."

"I hate you," Tucker sneers.

"Blorgh!"

"He doesn't wear any pants," Andy translated.

"Yeah, we noticed," Tucker grumbled.

"Damnit you guys, right when I was about to get that image out of my mind!" Fergo cries.

"It helps if you don't really stare at it," I mumble.

Tucker then adds, "If we meet anybody on this adventure, that might have to change."

"Agreed," Fergo and I reply at simultaneously.

"Why?" asked Andy, "We're used to being naked. Free-ballin', come on! Commando! Why are you agreeing with them Lockett, you of all people should be use to this." Everyone stares at me basically putting me on the spotlight.

"Just because I'm use to seeing the reproductive organs of both my male and female squad mates in the showers…Not mean I am comfortable with them being nudists in the middle of a fire-fight!" I retort.

"Well spoken Lockett," Fergo congratulated.

"And besides," Tucker decides to add in as well, "Let me just put it this way; I felt less threatened when Tex was staring at just the sword."

Tex suddenly snaps into attention, "Huh what-oh, fyeuh uhm, yeah uh," she then stutters. "I was just admiring his, his, his Alien, muscle structure."

"Yeah, one particular part of his muscle structure," Tucker corrects.

"Well that's just a matter of penis," oh wow, "I MEAN uh, opinion, opinion, that's, that's what I meant, yes…"

Fergo just stares at her, "I know that we are all odd people, but I never knew to had a fetish for xenophilia, Tex, Tex that's a little messed up." Tex just looks away with embarrassment.

Caboose then comes up sounding all betrayed, "You told me it was another arm."

"Bluuuuuuuuuuurgh!" Honk-honk cried with laughter.

"Hey Caboose- high five!" Andy laughed.

"I don't want to do that anymore," Caboose sniffed.

"Aw! You even traumatized Caboose, Andy!" Fergo angrily scolds.

"So what did Church want to talk to you about?" I ask Tucker.

"Oh, just some bullshit about him trying to connect as a leader or some other bull shit," he explains. I just nod.

"Hey Lockett?" I look and it was Tex.

"Yeah, whats up?"

"When's your birthday?"

"Oh uh, it was a couple weeks ago."

"How old are you?"

"I just turned 29." She then grins and she pulls something crudely wrapped in paper.

I unwrap and what do I find? "It's O'Malley's rocket launcher." Tex's grin grows larger, when I notice writing on the side in bright red spray paint. "Papa Rocket", I read aloud. I look over to her in surprise.

"I remember Caboose use to call you that and that you liked to blow stuff up," Tex explains.

"Tex…this is amazing…but why?" I ask as I holstered the anti-tank weapon onto my back.

"You're a good soldier Lockett, a good soldier needs a good weapon. Good luck on your quest, if anyone can make it back alive, it's you," Text explains. She then waves goodbye as I walk away.

"So your birthday huh?" Fergo asks, I nod.

She then starts singing to me "Happy birthday _,_ " and by the second verse everyone in our party had joined in, even Honk-honk.

" _Happy birth day to you,_

 _Happy birth day to you,_

 _Happy birth day to Lockett,_

 _Happy birth day to you,_ "

Tucker then starts the next verse and is again quickly joined by the others.

" _How fucked are you now?_

 _How fucked are you now?_

 _How fucked are you now?_

 _You're surely fucked now."_

 **Author's note: Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it. A reader suggested bringing in a female alien character as a love interest for Lockett. As cool as that may sound, I had already planned another romance for Lockett, I don't know, maybe if you really want I could briefly bring in a character like that for comedic purposes…I guess I'll just have to think on that. See you next time.**


	18. Uncharted

**Author's note: This now is the proper chapter 18. Also, my story just reached 5,000 views! That may be small to other authors, but me…it's huge. Thank you all for enjoying my story it's been great.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue…I don't own a lot of things I watch for that matter…**

Uncharted

After like 3 days of traveling, we have finally reached the burning planes.

"Hey, he explained to me everything we should encounter," Andy announces. The legend is pretty old, but the details are pretty clear."

"Listen dude," Tucker growls, "I don't care what the legends say, I'm not killing any monster."

"Hey! Don't interrupt!" Andy shouted, "It's hard enough to translate without yo-"

Tucker then cuts in, "Oh well, if this little quest depends on me killing stuff, we might as well just stop here." He then turns to me, "Right Lockett?"

I'm too lazy to respond so I just wave.

"See he agrees."

"Eh, don't be a chicken" taunts Andy.

"I'm not chicken!" Tucker cries, he then pauses, and then droops his head and whimpers in defeat, "Okay, I'm chicken." Smooth Tucker, smooth.

"Blarh? B-blarg blarg," Honk-honk asked.

"Blargy blarg, blarg honk," Andy responded.

"Wharg hnnk!" Honk-honk cried with a disgusted tone.

"What did he ask?" I questioned, there's a part of me that's telling me I wouldn't like the answer.

"He wanted to know what a chicken is," Andy explained, "I told him it's this nasty little bird that humans eat. And you also eat the white things that shoot out of its butt." All we could do is just there at them. Just an empty deadpan stare for 3 full seconds.

"Andy," Fergo finally breathes, "That's fucking disgusting."

"I'm starting to question you being our cultural ambassador Andy," I also add.

"Yeah," Tucker cringes, "You could have cleaned that up a bit."

"I did!" Andy shouted, "They don't come out of its butt you know."

"Hargh!" Honk-honk shouted again.

"Heh yeah, they're pretty disgusting," Andy chuckles.

"Chickens aren't that bad," Tucker comments. Honk-honk starts talking to Andy.

"He was talkin' about you guys. He may not hate all you guys, but he's definitely not a fan. I'm not either."

"Hrnk," Honk-honk nods.

"Earth sucks!"

"Hsh, Earth doesn't suck, Earth rules. We invented the telephone," Tucker gloats. Fergo leans over to me while I try and massage my forehead from the aching migraine that had just developed, like right now.

She whispers, "This is kind of sad."

I whisper back, "I can't do this anymore, I';m going to stop them." I walk over and growl, "Tucker shut up." I then turn the face the non-human pair, "If you idiots are done arguing, are we there yet?"

Andy finally gets back on topic, "Oh right! These are the Great Burning Plains we talked about." We look out across the burned and charred valley.

Caboose speaks my thoughts, "They don't look burning…they look burnt. Hey, I recognize this place!" He's right, it is familiar.

"Hey Lockett," Fergo calls, "It's where we first landed." I just nod.

Andy then continues, "Get ready. He's gonna distract the monster, and you use your heroic powers to swoop in-"

"Heroic powers?" Fergo asks slightly confused.

"Yeah," Andy confirms, "You're the big hero from the prophecy, ain't cha?"

"Oh right. Boy are you guys gonna be disappointed," Tucker mutters as he draws the sword.

"And don't forget, go for the weak spot in the armor," Andy quickly adds.

Tucker scratches his head, "Yeah, and where was that again?"

"We already went over this!" Andy cries.

"Apparently paying attention to lame biology lessons isn't one of my superpowers," Tucker laughs.

"He has a point," Fergo mumers to me, "I didn't pay attention either."

I then shake my head as well, "I didn't either."

"Blargh!"

"Be quiet!" Which we do.

"Argh!"

"Get down!" We do that as well.

"Warg, warg arg. War, larg!" Honk-honk whispers quietly.

Andy then repeats it to us, "He just wants a moment's peace before the plan fails and we all get killed." Fergo and I share a glance which pretty much said one thing, "Wonderful."

"WHRRRRRRRG!" Honk-honk screams with shock.

"Oh, sorry…" Andy replies sheepishly, "I wasn't supposed to translate that last part. Yuh, he says, yuh don't worry, everything will be fine…Stick to the plan."

I roll my eyes and grumble, "That just fills me with confidence."

"Okay. Are we adding "get killed" to the end of the plan?" Caboose asks.

"No, sweetie," Fergo informs, "No we aren't."

"Wlarg!"

"Go!" We all proceed to jump over the ridge…cliff…whatever, we landed with our weapons ready scanning the area for the "monster".

"Wurg!" Honk-honk cries with shock.

"What happened?" Andy asks with equal shock.

"To what?" asks Tucker.

"The bug monster. It's dead, look!" Andy cries. Honk-honk then points at the "monster". A cow skull?

"Really?" asks Fergo, "That's a monster." I just stare at it with just a deadpan look.

"You guys were already here?" Andy asks.

"Yes," Caboose chirps, "Uh, before now."

"That's what he meant sweetie," Fergo corrects.

"Ohhh," Caboose then nods in understanding, "Then just yes."

"Whar, war."

"You already killed the monster?"

"Dude, that's a cow skull. I kill about ten of those things every time I eat lunch." Man, I'm too brain dead right now to comment on that. Just…wow…

"This…is why we came here?" I finally manage to breath out.

"Well…" Andy, nervously replies, "It's not the only reason." I finally break out of my trance and look over to the group…That's when I saw it…just an invisible outline of a figure.

"Tucker look out!" I cried, He then jumps and I sprint over to him.

Tucker then dives out of the way and I proceed to drop kick the…thing. I land on my back and for a moment had become dazed, I then snap back to reality **(AN:Oh there goes gravity…)** , and I look to the figure who had tumbled several feet away from the group slowly get up. I then sprint at the figure and perform a full frontal football tackle directly into what I believe was its gut. We wrestled around for a bit but when the dust had settled, I had the figure in a headlock, somehow its cloak was still working.

"I got it guys!" I shouted, "I got i-AHH!"

The figure had elbowed me in the gut…ow... Before it could to it again, I threw both of us forward and pinned it to the ground.

"Blarg!"

"Wait!" Andy cires, "That's one of his people!"

"Huh?" I look down as the figure uncloaks, it reveals, sure enough, and alien just like Honk-hokn, albeit quite skinnier, wearing blue armor with green highlights.

"Oh!" I cry in surprise. I then proceed to jump of "him", I think it's a him, and proceed to help him up. He just waves me off and then starts to wipe the dust off his armor.

"She…was actually the other test," Andy nervously chuckles.

"She?"

"That's right human," she replied. I then notice how the alien had a more feminine figure, definitely didn't notice that, but now the really skinny arms make sense now. Cause now that's added with an hourglass figure, with curves, and what looks like breast development on the upper torso.

I then begin "Oh, sorry about the…"

"It's fine," she waves off, "I'm actually impressed, not many warriors have managed to ambush me like. What is your name noble warrior?"

"Sgrt. Jonathan Lockett," I reply, "I lead these men." I then point to the guys.

"My name is Miea, warrior of the 'Dadomee keep **(AN:Yes I actually did look up Sangheili names. Also I think that's how they talk. I know the alien in the show isn't an elite but please just bear with me. I don't have a lot to work with guys.)"** "It is an honor to meet a fellow warrior you," Meia then proceeds to place her right arm across her chest and bow her head. He then looks over to Honk-honk and says, "I think we have the wrong "hero"."

"Blarg," Honk-honk replies.

"Yeah, but it's all we got to work with," Andy adds as well. Meia then just turns back to me, she then proceeds to look me over. No! She is not checking me out! Well she might be…I dunno. She then gives me a looks of disappointment and then lets out a sigh.

"So much wasted potential," she muttered, and then she walked up to the group. "So, who are the names of your subordinates?"

"Well, you have Fergo, Caboose, Andy our interpreter, and Tucker, the so called "hero"," I then announce to the team, "Everyone, this is Meia, she plans on joining us in our quest."

"What, if you're name is Meia, then what is his actual name?" Fergo points to Honk-honk.

She shrugs and says, "Umm…he doesn't want to tell you…"

"You also don't smell like him," Tucker comments.

Meia shakes her head in annoyance, "He never bathes." Honk-honk just shuffles his feet in the dirt. We then start walking to…I don't know…Where ever he tells us to go. This is going to be quite the journey.

 _Linebreak_

"Alright. This, is the Great Swamp. We can rest here a while before we move on."

"Yeah, let's rest in a swamp, that makes sense," Tucker sarcastically remarks.

I shrug, "Eh, I've seen worse."

"As have I," Meia agrees.

"Save your enger Tucker, you're gonna need it," Andy informs.

"Aw screw that. So far this quest is a fuckin' breeze. I've already killed a dead monster. What's next, we gonna open an unlocked door? Rescue a Princess from herself?" Tucker jeers, I just ignore him and take a seat down by a tree.

"He is quite the arrogant one, isn't he?" I turn and I see Meia who takes a seat next to me.

"Well, usually he isn't that wrong," I shrug.

"You are an interesting character Lockett," she grins.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You actually seem like a…proper warrior, unlike…" she motions for at the rest of the blues, "They seem like a bunch of children, but not like you."

"I'm here with them because of…I'm here to regain my honor," I explain, she seems like a warrior's honor type.

Meia then nods in understanding, "I understand."

"How about you?" I ask. "What's your story."

"Oh," she then shrugs, "Well, I was a little cub who wanted to become a warrior, was that simple,"

"Oh, then how did you end up with him?" I ask pointing at Honk-honk.

She then lets out another frustrated sigh and growls, "I have to work with him for this "assignment" in order to advance in rank."

"Do you even really believe in all this prophecy stuff?" I ask curiously.

"I don't even think my superiors really believe or care about this," she replies honestly. "I think they just wanted me to go with him to make sure he doesn't disturb anything." I nod in understanding.

Then I hear Fergo speak, "Hey Caboose, you alright?"

"I think something is following us," he nervously replies.

"He's right," Andy agreed, "It's been following us since we left the beach."

"Part of the prophecy talks about something evil that tries to take the Great Weapon," Meia adds. Not even that good of a weapon.

"Really?" I ask incredulously. Fergo just shrugs.

"You mean my awesome dead monster killing weapon?" Tucker waved the handle in front of him, "It can have it."

Andy replies, "It's attracted to it. It can't live without it."

"So…" Fergo comments, "A teenage fangirl?"

"A what?" Meia asks me.

"Crazy girl overly obsessed with something," I explain.

"Oh."

"It can't live without my sword, that's not good. Hey Caboose, come here and hold me sword," Tucker commanded.

"It's okay, we got a plan," Andy confidently announced, "We can make camp, and then we'll tell ya about it,"

"Alright, Fergo make a fire," I command, she nodded.

""I love camping!" Caboose cried practically jumping with joy.

 _Several hours later_

*snork* I suddenly woke up, I quickly brushed it off and closed my eyes as an attempt to go back to sleep. Man its pretty warm and comfy here, specifically on my left side… My eyes immediately opened, I carefully looked down to my left. There she was, it was Meia and she cuddling into my left side. " _What the fuck?"_ I thought. She then starts to move, she then opens her eyes and smiles at me.

"Hello," she smiles.

"What are you doing?" I ask, I am not sure I want to hear this. She then oprens her eyes wide in realization and jumps off of me.

"Oh!" I squeaks in surprise, "I was um…uh…it was an accident, my apologies," she frantically tried to apologize while hiding her face in embarrassment. I feel like the reason she is apologizing isn't because she accidently cuddled with me in her sleep, I Think she's apologizing because she got caught…oh boy… I then hear muffled laughter.

"Quite the player huh Rocket?" Fergo laughs.

"Shut up Fergo," I growl.

"Rocket?" Meia asked curiously.

"It's the nickname we gave him, due to his signature weapon being a rocket launcher," Fergo laughed.

"Hey guys," Andy whispers, "Come on, we're gonna ambush the monster."

"What about Tucker?" Fergo asks.

"He's bait, leave him," Andy nonchalantly responds.

"If he dies I'm going to kill you," Fergo grumbles.

""Quick, it's coming!" cries Caboose. We all crouch down in the bushes with our weapons drawn ready to ambush the creature.

Soon from down the path we came, we saw it. Whatever it was that was following us, it slowly crept up to Tucker's sleeping body.

"Now!" Andy cries.

"WHARRRRG!" Hon-honk jumps onto the creature and starts beating it.

"YAHHH-huh?" I looked down at the figure being beat.

"Hey Rocket what's wrong?" Fergo asks.

"The thing looks a little familiar…"

"Caboose you were suppose to help!" Andy scolds.

"I was helping watch," Caboose chirps.

"What if something had happened?" Fergo asked.

"I'm sure I would have seen it," Caboose answers. Fergo looks at me and I motion her to give it up.

"Hey what the hell, where did you guys go?" Tucker angrily asks.

"Heh heh heh, you can't have a trap without bait!" Andy laughs.

"I was bait?" Tucker asked in shock.

"I thought you did a very to job," Caboose complimented.

"Get off of me you stinky idiot!" the figure cried…it was Tex. I offer my hand to her and she grabs it.

After I pulled her up I ask, "You alright?" She nods.

"This is some greeting. I come to help you guys and ya ambush me," Tex complains.

"We thought you were coming to steal the sword!" Meia argued.

"Who are you?" Tex asked.

"I'm Meia, warrior of the 'Dadomee keep," she introduces herself in a way similar to me.

Tex then looks to me for an explanation, "She was suppose to meet up with Honk-honk and help us complete the quest."

Satisfied with the answer, "Anyway, I'm not here to steal the sword, I can here to steal your reward." *Sigh, I called it. Oh Tex, bless her soul, but seriously, her main motivation is money.

"There is no reward," Andy explains, "The reward, is the sword."

"Oh," Tex muses, "Thennn yeah, I guess I'm here to steal the sword."

"Hurn, blarr."

"Oh yeah yeah, and also the salvation and the emancipation of his species for all eternity," Andy quickly adds.

"Tell you what," Tex offers, "I'll go fifty fifty. You keep the emancipation, and I'll keep the sword."

"Hurhonk?" Honk-honk asks Andy.

"Deal," he answers.

Tex then notices me giving her a look of disappointment. "Lockett don't give me that! I did not walk all the way here just to get nothing for it! Especially helping him!"

"Eh…I guess I can't argue with that," I mumble.

"Wait, what do I get?" Tucker then asks.

"You get to live, but no guarantees," Tex offers.

"That's not a reward for me," Tucker replies offended, "That's a reward for one of the finest ladies in the universe," Tucker smiles and winks at Fergo. Fergo squeals and kisses Tucker on the side of the helmet.

"I'm a woman, and somehow," Tex pauses, "...I don't feel any luckier."  
She then proceeds to walk on following Honk-honk through the swamp.

"Well I only ment one lady anyway," Tucker muttered. He and Fergo then walk in the same direction shortly followed by Caboose.

"What do you want Fergo?" Andy asked.

"Well, Lockett and only came to see that Caboose and Tucker stayed safe, so it's safe to assume we have had our fill," Fergo answers.

"Caboose? How about you?"

"I want a pony."

"That female warrior is so dishonourable," Meia growls, "Selling her services and skills out like a whore!" She was clearly offended, "In my culture she would have been marked with shame for her actions."

"Yeah well, considering who Tex is, she isn't exactly the worst person to work with," she just doesn't want to help Tucker unless she actually gained something out of it. Meia did calm down from this, but she was still visibly upset.

"How do you know she won't betray you?" Meia asks.

"Easy, I don't, I'll just have to prepare for if she does," I explain. Satisfied, Meia nods ad we then proceed to walk after the group.

 _1 week later_

"Step it up guys, we are almost there," Andy calls back to us while we walk through this cave.

While Honk-hokn and Meia were leading us through the cave, Tucker huddled us together and whispered, "I tellin' you, the alien has been creepin' me out lately. Every time wake up he's hovering over me. It's really weird."

Tex tries to calm him, "I'm sure he's just safeguarding his sword. I mean, my sword."

"Yeah, I'm sure it's fine Tucker," Fergo adds.

Then Caboose brings up a suggestion, "Maybe he just wants to steal your breath."

"Or maybe he's trying to figure out what I taste like," Tucker mumbles.

"I know how you feel man," Tucker looks over to me for an explanation. "Every time I wake up, Meia is there cuddling me. I think she me be crushing on me guys."

"That's is weird," grimaced Fergo.

"Worst is, she's been getting less shy about her feelings and a little more upfront about it, she may not be offering herself up to me yet, but I'm sure she's open to the idea," I shiver.

"Man," Tex breathed, "I don't know who has it worse, Tucker or you." Our thoughts are then broken by Andy.

"Hurry up ya idiots," Andy shouts.

"Man, is just me, or did it get a lot colder all of a sudden?" Tucker then asks.

"Of course it did. They don't call it the Great Freezing' Plains for nothin' you know," Andy scoffs.

"Whoa," Tucker gapes at the snowy valley before us, I don't blame him.

"I'm just glad I brought my mittens," Caboose chirps.

Tex then looks off into the a certain direction, "The snow is the least of our problems."

"Why?" Andy asks curiously. We all meet her gaze and we see… a giant snowy temple. Woah.

"I assume we have to get into that big temple base thing?" Tex asks.

"Yeah…"

"Well, it's got about two dozen guards on its walls," Tex observes.

"Oh no," groans Caboose.

"Yep. it doesn't look good," Tex agreed.

"No no no, I mean I lost one of my mittens. Um…we have to go back," Caboose cried.

Fergo then walks up and comforts him, "Caboose honey, we've been walking for days, I'm sorry but we can't go back for it. Tell you what, I'll make you a new pair when we get home okay?"

"Okay!" Caboose happily chirps.

"Any suggestions Andy?" Tex asks.

"I say we let Tucker storm in and take 'em out in a mad rush, and while he's got 'em distracted, we finish the quest," responds Andy.

Tex pauses for a few seconds, "Lockett what do YOU think we should do?"

"Well, surprise is key," I tell her.

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that you find a way to lure them all out into the open and we distract them. Then you come in and pick them off from the behind," I explain.

"Sounds good," Tex agrees, "I'll sneak in, if I can't take them out one by one, I'll drive them out and have you mop them up."

"Fair enough," I respond.

"Ya really think you can kill 'em all without alerting the rest?" Andy ask.

"Just watch me," Tex smirked. The irony is that after she said that, she cloaked making us unable to see her…because she was cloaked.

Andy said it best, "How can I watch ya, you just turned invisible."

Then Fergo pretty much announces our plan for the next 5 minutes, "Well, I guess we got nothing to do but wait for now."

 **Author's note: Okay, I am taking a pretty big gamble with that OC I just added. I just hope it pays off. Like if it doesn't, well fuck…Anyway, thank you for reading. F you really liked it, please favorite and follow my story that would be super cool. See you next week.**


	19. Welcome Home

**Author's note: If you ever see my story update and it's not on Friday, then it just means I'm adding grammar corrections to a chapter.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.**

Welcome Home

"Hey Tucker! What do you see?"

Tucker climbs up and looks down his scope, "You fucking serious?" He then looks back to us,

"Who are they?" Fergo asks. It was then we heard it.

"You suck!"

"No you suck!" The same lines were then repeated overlapping each other.

"Oh," the entire group pretty much had a look of realization, except Meia.

"I don't understand," she then asks me with a confused tone, "Who are they?"

"Just some flag worshipping cultists we ran into at one point," I explained, "They aren't exactly competent warriors, but my guess is they are cheap and disposable."

"Like the Unggoy of the Covenant that you humans fight?"

"Yeah, except the Unggoy at least can fight, even if their fighting consists of mostly spamming grenades. Kind of makes me wonder where they keep them all."

"How did they get here?" Tucker cries in disbelief.

"Shoosh," a now worried Caboose whispers, "Tex told us to be quite."

Tucker then lets out a sigh and then says matter-of-factly "Caboose, we're 300 yards away. I don't think they heard us." In the distance, we heard the guards say something that made Tucker freeze.

"I think I heard something!"

Tucker then nervously chuckles, "I'm sure that was only a coincidence."

I roll my eyes, "Whatever, guys keep watch, make sure no one sneaks up on us, Tucker, keep watch of Tex." Everyone acknowledges their orders,, I then grab a pair of binoculars and join Tucker the hill.

"There, Lockett, I found her," Tucker then speaks up, "she's at the far right of the base in those caves on the second floor of the temple."

I look to where Tucker and sure enough, there Tex was, the only color we got was the slight shimmer in the light and the odd ripple when she moved.

"Alright," Andy breathes, "If she takes out those guards one by one, we'll probably stand a chance."

We then see Tex slowly creep up to a blue guard in the corner.

"Do you think this will work?" Tucker asks.

"Depends," I murmur. We then watch as Tex creeps up to the guard and…punches him?

"OW, what the fuck, that hurt!" the soldier screams, he then turns around and faces Tex to punches him again knocking him on his ass.

"OW!"

"We're screwed," Tucker gulped. I nod in agreement. Tex then starts to repeatedly punch the downed guard with him screaming obscenities with every hit.

"OW! OW! JESUS! OW! STOP IT!"

"Uh oh," Tucker groans. We then notice how the guards directly in front of Tex didn't move a muscle. It's like they didn't even notice what was going on. Huh?

"Now you're shooting me! Give me a break this sucks! What the fuck did I ever do to you? COME ON!"

"What the fuck, are they deaf?" Tucker cries in disbelief.

I also add, "Better question, how is that guy still alive." We were then interrupted from our train of thoughts when the familiar crack filled the air and a smoke trail flew past us.

Tucker throws his hands into the air in frustration, "Oh, right that you heard?"

"Great going Tucker," Fergo grumbles.

"Move!" I scream as the guards started lighting up the entire area.

I fired a rocket at the machine gun tracking Tucker and Caboose as they scrambled for cover. Right as the machine gun nest explodes, my position is immediately showered by the other turret. I jumped down from the hill and ran to the rocks where Tucker and the others were.

*Boom* I look up and see Tex now standing where the turret use to be.

"Lockett!" she cries into the radio, "You got guys running out the entrance of the base!"

"Tucker take 'em out!" I order.

"You got it." With every crack form Tucker's rifle, that was one person down…yeah, these guys were that bad.

"Guys, the guns are down, on me! We need to rendezvous with Tex inside the temple!" Everyone nods and we reload our weapons.

"Alright follow me!" I then start sprinting for the some cover. " _I was wrong,_ " I thought, " _This adventure is starting to-_ " *smack* *grunt*

My thoughts were immediately interrupted as I ran face first into something from around the corner. I looked up and saw one of the cultists…a full second passed where we just stared at each other.

*thwack* On instinct, I swiped to guy across the face with the side of my rocket launcher sending him to the ground. I then raised the gun and brought it down on the guy's head like a hammer. *snap*

" _I think that was his neck_ " I thought.

"Hey! Get that guy!" cried a voice to my left. I then drop my launcher and bring my smg to my hip and spray the mag into a squad of cultists. I managed to get two of them before- *Click-click*

"Oh shit!" The remaining group then started to fire as I dove to the side, not sure how that would save me, but whatever, these guys can't aim for shit.

"Hey assholes!" the group looked just as Tucker charged into them with his sword drawn. He managed to skewer one of the cultists before being overwhelmed by the other two. God damnit Tucker.

Fergo then runs up with her magnum drawn, she screams, "Get away from him you bitches!" She then empties her magnum into the two.

"Nice one Fergo," I complimented, she nods then holisters her magnum before she goes to help Tucker up.

"I expected them to actually suck…well, more," I laugh, "But it looks like they were more than enough for you Tucker."

"Fuck you Lockett," Tucker moans.

I then turn to the only non-human members of our group and I grumble, "Feel free to help anytime!"

"U-uh, we didn't want to cramp your style," Andy murmurs. Honk-honk grunts in agreement. Meia just stares, it's like she's just observing me, I don't know why, but it makes me uneasy.

Tucker then turns and faces us and mutters, "That went well," just as an explosion goes off in the temple behind him launching bodies everywhere.

"Yeah I know. So much for stealth," Fergo also adds. She then turns and faces me, "Meia, what are you doing?" Confused, I turned to my left and to come face to face with Meia, hell, I practically ran into her we were so close. With wide eyes, I watch her raise her hand and gently caress the ride side of my breast plate.

She then murmurs, "You may not be the hero of this journey…but there is greatness for you yet." She then backs up and turns away, I then hear her quietly whisper, "And many future warrior cubs to follow." I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.

"O-okay," I stutter out, "Let's go."

 _Linebreak_

"There!" Meia cries, "That's the entrance to the gate." We came across a great metal gate with a bright neon colored hologram.

"Tucker," Andy cries, "Use the key and open the gate!"

"Key? What key?" Tucker cries in confusion, "I don't have a key!"

"Wharrh."

"The sword is the key!" Meia explains.

"Oh God," Tucker blanched, "The sword is a key? Just when I thought this couldn't get any lamer."

Then Tucker proceeds…thrust the sword into the lock…man, that's really lame. The gates then open to reveal a vehicle…

"What is that thing?" Tucker asks.

"Blarg blarg, blarg blrrgh!" Honk-honk cries as he runs in the direction of the ship.

"The ship!?" Andy shouts after him, "What ship? You never said anything about a ship! Hey, come back here ya stink nugget!" It's an aircraft…an aircraft that looks remarkably like a banshee that the Covenant used.

"Meia," I turn to her, "I know you guys aren't the Covenant, but you really gotta come up with your own vehicle designs instead copying others." Meia just sheepishly smiles.

"Wharg, whargh!" Honk-honk cries with joy as he climbs into the ship and takes off.

"Get her!" cries one off the cultists. We then see Tex run and jump off the base and land near us.

"Hey, what is that thing!?" she shouts, "And where is he going!?" That is a good question.

"I don't know!" Andy cried, "He just kept saying, "There it is, there it is!"!"

"I thought you said there was no reward at the end of the quest!" Tex growled.

"I didn't know!" Andy defensively growls back.

Tucker then laughs and replies, "If you're pissed about that, wait until you find out that this sword, is really a key."

"A what?" Tex then glares at Andy. "Andy…"

"Hey don't blame me, I'm just the translator!"

"Hey guys!" Fergo nervously shouted, "I think he's coming back." Sure enough, Honk-honk has repositioned his ship and now appears to be flying to us.

"Oh shit," I curse. The ship just gets closer, I then remember that I still have a rocket in the tube.

"Bad alien! Go away!" Caboose cries as my launcher gets a lock on the ship.

"No! Don't!" Meia screams and then tackles me to the ground.

"Get down!" Tex screams as she and the others dive off to the side. Honk-honk then fires directly where we use to be standing hitting a cultist who was trying to sneak up on us.

"Woah," I then turn to Meia, "Good call." She nods.

"Ohhhh," Caboose nods in understanding, "He wasn't coming to kill us. He was saving us. That's a good Alien."

"Awww," Fergo fawns, "Caboose, that's one of the most cutest things you have said so far."

"Well, a deal's a deal, he still owes me that ship," Tex muses, "Andy, tell him to bring that thing down here and-" A rocket suddenly flies up and hits the ship. *boom*

"Well, who didn't see that coming." Fergo said it.

"You still want me to tell him?" Andy sarcastically asks, "'Cause, I think it's down already."

"Tex!" a familiar voice cries. We look to the direction it came from and on top of the temple, standing with a rocket launcher in hand, an equally familiar person.

"Wyoming?" Tex cries in surprise.

"Connecticut!" Caboose chirps.

"They're not playing a game, Caboose," an annoyed Tucker informs.

Caboose turns and matter-of-factly says, "Well, if they were, I woulda totally won."

Wyoming then taunts, "Well it appears I've spoiled your little game. So sorry chums." No he's not.

"That was my ship!" Tex angrily growls.

"Oh dear," Wyoming laughs, "Then I stand corrected: I'm not sorry."

"You're gonna pay for that!"

"All out of change at the moment. Get you next time. Cheerio!" As quickly as he appeared, he was gone again. Tex just runs off after him.

"Huh," a bemused Tucker reacts, "That didn't go quite the way I expected. You think we should wait for her to come back? Or finish the quest on our own. Or just go home." Off in the distance we hear trumpets followed by the cultists screaming "Charge!"

"Na, let's go home," Fergo answers. Everyone nods, except for Meia.

"Everything alright?" I ask.

She shrugs, "My superiors aren't going to be very happy that he's dead." She then laughs, "They also won't be that upset either."

This makes me chuckle, "What happens now?"

"Well," she then takes a moment to think about it, "I sent out a call to my superiors to come and pick me up based on the location of my signal."

"How long will that take?"

"Depends, could be anywhere between a couple of days to a few months." Huh?

"What will you do until then?" Meia just looks down and shuffle her feet unable to produce an answer.

"Tell you what," she then looks up to meet my eyes, "You come along with us back to base, we'll let you stay there until they come, kay?"

Her eyes then widen, "No! No, I can't do that to you. I could never repay you," she whispers.

I laugh, "Nonsense, you can help around the base, there are tons of thing you can do to help."

She takes a moment to weigh her options, "Very, well, you drive a hard bargain. Alright, I'll go." I then motion with my arms, "Shall we?" Before she follows the other out, she walks up to me and pulls me into a big embrace. I liked it, it felt…warm. There we stood for a few seconds.

"Thank you," she whispered. She then let go of me and proceeded to follow Caboose out.

"So, is she staying?" Fergo asks.

"For a little bit, you guys aren't against that are you?" I ask. They all say no.

"What's your home like?" Meia then asks.

"Well, it's a pair of bases in a box canyon," Tucker explains, "One for the us, the other for the Reds."

"Are the Reds, just another team?" Meai asks curiously, we just nod.

"It's not much, but it's home," Fergo replies.

"It's the best place in the world!" Caboose cheers, "I get to hang out with all my best friends in the whole world!" He then asks, Meia, "Can you be my friend too?"

"Yes Caboose, I will be your friend," she happily replies. Caboose practically jumps in the air cheering. We all laugh at his childish antics.

"Wait, who was that warrior that Mercenary Tex chased after?" Meia then asks carefully.

"Another Freelancer like," I explain, "His name's Wyoming."

"Why did she chase after him, is there a rivalry between them?" Well nod.

"Don't worry," Fergo then adds, "She'll be back when she's done." Meia ponders for a little bit, then she shrugs. This is going to be quite the journey back.

 _2 weeks…or something later_

We have finally reached the base, and there is Church, waiting to greet us.

"Is that your base?" Meia asks in awe.

"Yep, welcome to Blood Gulch Outpost: Alpha," I answer, "Like Fergo said, it's not much, but it's home."

"It's perfect," Meia murmurs.

"Oh, look who's back," Church cheerfully greets, "The conquering heroes, what's up guys?"

"Meh," Tucker answers.

"Hey where's Tex?"

"Gone," Tucker answers again.

"Where's the alien?"

"Dead."

"Who's the other alien?"

"A friend."

"Well how'd the quest go?"

"Failed."

Church then shrugs, "Yeah you know I, probably didn't even have to ask that last question, did I?"

"Eh, I wouldn't say "failed", but Tucker definitely screwed it up royally," Andy explains.

"What?" Tucker cries in shock, "I didn't do anything!"

"Exactly," Andy responds, "You let Tex and Lockett do all the work and got the alien killed."

"Yeah, but doing nothing is what we do," Tucker says matter-of-factly, "So, technically we didn't screw anything up."

"It's true," Caboose nods vigorously, "I have the first place ribbon in doing nothing. It's the same ribbon as last place. It's purple." I don't think I get it.

"Well, is Tex okay?" Church then asks curiously.

"She's fine," Fergo answers, "She chased after Wyoming."

"Tex?"

"Yes," Tucker answers.

"Wyoming?"

"Yes."

"Massachusetts," Caboose chirps.

"Seriously, stop it."

"Tucker, why didn't you tell me this?"

"Tell you when?" Tucker growls in annoyance, "We just got here!"

Church places his hands on his hips and starts scolding, "Yeah, but you've been wasting my time gabbing about your stupid failed quest."

"Eh, I really wouldn't say "failed" here…" Andy interjects.

"This conversation stupid, and I'm hungry, where's the food?" Tucker then starts walking for the base entrance.

Church calls after him, "Listen, any time you have new information for me, just tell it to me as quickly as possible. Okay?"

"Well here's a short one," Tucker sarcastically replies, "Blanket statement that covers all future situations: We, Suck." Well said.

Church sighs and says, "I said new information."

"Don't we have anything to eat in this place?" Tucker calls out from in the base.

"Meia, this is our friend Church." Meia shyly waves and Church politely nods.

"Hey Fergo?"

"Yeah Rockett?"

"Can you show Meia around?"

"Why me?" she asks curiously.

"It's your turn," I explain, "Church showed me around, I showed Caboose, and Tucker showed you."

She then nods in satisfaction, "I can't argue with that." She then leads Meia into the base.

"Lockett, where did she come from?" Church in a low tone asks me.

"She was suppose to join us on our quest, a form of test for Tucker," I explained. "I offered to let her stay here for a bit until her superiors can exfil her."

Church then asks with concern, "Are you sure about this?"

"Church," I chuckle, "She's nothing like Honk-honk, she doesn't smell, she's polite, and she would be some good help to our base for a while." I then pause before I add, "It's me Church, trust me, it will be fine."

Church then lets out another sigh, "Alright, she can stay, but only because you said so. That means she's your responsibility, got it?"

"Church," I reply with a fake hurt tone, "I'm team leader, when have I let you down?"

Church then chuckles, "You have a point, you've probably kept us alive longer than I or Tex would have."

"Eh, I try." A few moments go by, "So, what happened here?"

"You know that marroon guy, Simmons?" I nod. "Well, he decided to be on blue team while you were gone."

"Seriously?" He nods. I then mutter, "I can't wait to hear this."

"I honestly don't know why he turned, nor do I care. Hell, he even captured Grif."

"Damn," I laugh.

"It was even funnier when his teammates tried to rescue Grif."

"Wait what?" I ask in confusion, "That makes no sense, Sarge hates Grif, why would he try and rescue him?"

"Beats me, I just know that they failed and as punishment I took all their vehicles."

"Really? Sick!" I exclaim.

"Yeah…'cept, I think Sheila might be jealous," Church murmurs while looking over his shoulder.

"...Well that's not good," I murmur.

 _Linebreak_

So…an hour after we have gotten back, Tucker has eaten half the food in our cupboards-

"Uuuuuuuhuuugh... Uuuuuuhhhohgaawwwwd.." Now he sounds like he's dying.

"Man, he sounds terrible," Church comments.

"Yeah," I breathe, "He's been like that since the swamp. Poor Fergo, she volunteered to nurse him."

"You guys went to a swamp?" Church asks curiously.

Caboose who had just joined us then answers, "Yeah. It was dark and swampy. I wasn't sacred at all."

Church then asks me, "Is that why you guys came home so fast?"

"No," Caboose responds, "We came home because the alien died, eyand because the uh glowing sword turned out to be a…uh… a glowing key."

Church nods, "Yeah, a glowing key that can still stab people."

"Yeah," I nod my head in agreement with Caboose.

Church then attempts to summarize what we just told him, "So it is a sword. It just happens to function like a hey in a very specific situations."

Then Caboose suggests, "O it's a key all the time, and when you stick it in people, it unlocks their death."

"Huh," I mused, "Not bad Caboose."

"Yeah," Church agrees, "God damn man, I would love to live in your world for about ten minutes."

"Don't we all?" I chuckle.

"Yeah," sighed Caboose, "I have a really good time."

"Ehehehe yeah," Church chuckles, "It seems like it. You know, I don't think I'd get anything done, but I probably wouldn't care that much." This causes a smile to my face.

Until I hear this, "Uuuuuhhhhhhhoh..."

"Hey Tucker, you okay?" Church shouts.

"Ohh, why don't you guys come in here?" Tucker groans.

"Uh, because it might be contagious?" Church shouts back, "Aaand because we've got to think about the health of the unit as a whole." He then turns back to us and breaths, "Man, I came up with that pretty fast."

"And because you threw up ten minutes ago! And that's gross!"

"How do you think I feel Caboose!" a frustrated Fergo shouts back, "I'm the one whose nursing him!"

"Hey guys," Church turns back to us, "You don't think that sword-"

"You mean the key?" Caboose asks.

"No I mean the sword," Church corrects.

"How about the keyblade?" I suggest.

Church ponders about it for a moment, "Sure whatever. You don't suppose that sword is making' him sick, do you?"

"I don't see how, it hasn't sneezed once," Caboose responds.

"I never saw it release toxins or anything either," I quickly add.

"But we don't know anything about it." Shit, Church is right, "Maybe it runs on radiation and i's poisoning him."

"Wait, no Church, that makes no sense," I roll my eyes.

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"It it ran on radiation, then not only would have Fergo been effected, but us as well. A bit inconsistent don't you think?"

"I know!" Caboose then brings out his idea, "Maybe it's solar powered!" Okay what?

Looks like Church has the same state of confusion "Wait now- why would solar power make him sick?"

"Is he Republican?" Wait…

"Caboose,m do you think Republicans are vampires?" I ask calmly.

"Yes," simple responds. I at that moment with a deadpan face turn share a glance with church.

 _Linebreak_

We then decide to gather around Andy hoping he would have some answers.

"Andy, what in the hell happened to Tucker in this little adventures you guys took?" Church asks calmly.

"How should I know?"

"He ate all my food and just threw up," Caboose sighs in disappointment. "Coula just thrown it on the floor, 'n' cut out the middleman."

"Yeah," Church nods, "Plus now he's moody as hell. I went to ask him if he's feelin' better and he practically bit my goddamn head off."

Caboose then murmurs, "I bet he just would have thrown up your head later. And then you can put it right back on, it'd be fine."

I began to ponder for a bit, "You know, if Tucker was a girl, this would make sense."

"What do you mean?" Church asks.

"Well, if he was a girl, either we could have checked if it was that time of the month, or we could have done a pregnancy test." Church just gives me a confused look.

Andy the response to us "He was fine on the trip, maybe he's allergic to you. I know I get nauseous when I look at ya."

"Did you guys come in contact with anything weird, like any strange plants or animals er, lie superflu viruses er, porn stars?" I was about to answer now, but Andy cuts me off.

"Oh yeah, there's one thing I forgot to mention. We invaded a secret biological warfare lab, run by porn stars. Tucker licked all the petri dishes, even though we told him not to. Then he got thirsty, so he drank everything in the test tubes. You think that had anything to do with it?" What?

Caboose then replies, "I'm sure that didn't really happen. I would have remembered that part."

"I don't know if I would have." I reply honestly, "I think I would have repressed it."

"Aw come on, you're surprised he's sick? I've never seen the guy wash his hands, not once! One time I saw him pick his nose at the pay phone." When did that happen?

"I'm just worried, man, who knows if this stuff is contagious? For all we know Caboose could be next. Wake up tomorrow morning he's throwin' up, runnin' a huge fever, next thing you know he's bleeding out of his eyes 'cause his internal organs are liquifying. And I'm gonna be the one that has to hold his hand while he screams himself to death. That's not gonna be any fun."

A few silent moments pass, "I'm going to take a vitamin," Caboose quickly says.

"Oh don't bother," Church grimaces, "It's too late for you anyway. We need to start worrying about me, and Lockett, but mostly me." How self righteous of you Church.

"Should I go grab the Hazmat suits and flamethrowers?" I ask openly.

"You probably should," Chruch nods.

"Tell ya what. Send me in, and i'll run clean-up," Andy offers, "Don't worry about it, I'll take care of everything."

Church sternly replies, "Andy, I am not letting you blow up the base."

Andy tries to bargain, "Comon, just a little explosion! Five, ten megatons tops. Aya all your scary germs will be gone. Nothin' left but the cockroaches! Germ free cockroaches."

"But Tucker would be dead too," Caboose counters.

"Along with Fergo, Meia, and all our supplies, equipment, and ammo," I add as well.

"See?" Andy smiles "It's a perfect plan."

"I don't see how," I mutter.

"No, it's not…but that does give me a good idea. Technically, you can't get sick. So why don't we send you in there to take care of Tucker, you can figure out what's wrong and report back to us," suggests Church.

"I ain't no nurse. That's Fergo's job, I go in there, all you're gonna get, is an explosion. You want a medical diagnosis, go see a doctor."

"What did you just say?" Church asked.

"I said you don't need me. Ya need a doctor." Church then begins to think, he then stares at us.

"Please don't so it," Caboose begged. I know what Church is planning to do, I better call Doc. Roe to make sure this doesn't go wrong.

 **Author's Note: Another week, another chapter, kind of like TV. Anyway, this is technically the first time I have written action I think, maybe not. The point is, it may seem bad now, but I promise I am slowly learning to do better, the points apply to other things too. Man writing is hard, if you didn't mind it, well, I'm still gonna try and learn to do better. If you liked the story a lot, please favorite and follow it, if you want to add ideas, elements, etc., hell, even characters on occasion, please, leave a review. Thank you for reading and see you next week. Season 4 is coming to a close soon.**


	20. House Calls

**Author's Note: First, Happy Thanksgiving for all you Americans out there. I know this chapter came out a little later than I promised, but oh well. Please enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue, but you already know that.**

House Calls

*Ring* *Ring*

" _Hello?_ " A cheery high voice answers.

"Um, is Doc. Roe there?"

" _Of course!_ " the voice then pauses, " _Wait… who's asking?_ "

"I'm a customer, I would like to schedule an appointment."

" _Oh, okay! I'll go find her._ " I'm pretty sure I'm talking to Donut. " _Doc. Roe! You have a patient! Can I be the nurse? I'll be the one who makes him go 'ahhh'!_ " Yeah… definitely Donut.

I hear off in the background, " _Dammit Donut give me the phone-I'm sorry, we don't do house calls, who is this?_ " **(AU: In case you forgot, Roe is suppose to have a Louisiana Cajun accent, I don't actually know how to write that so you'll have to just imagine it.)**

"Jack, it's John."

" _Jonathan…I see you've used my first name,_ " she teases.

"Don't get use to it," I tease back.

She then sighs and then asks, " _What's it been, a month?_ "

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "Tucker had to go on a quest and dragged the rest of us along. Plus we lost radio reception pretty early on."

" _It's fine._ " She then asks, " _Is everything alright? Why are you calling?_ "

"I need your help."

She laughs, " _You know Sarge is never going to agree with that right? Did something happen to Tucker?_ "

"Just tell Sarge we're paying you and nod to whatever he tells you to do. Also, Tucker got sick during the quest, Chruch called someone, but I don't trust his judgement so I want a second opinion."

" _Oh, that doesn't sound, who'd he call,_ " off in the distance I can hear her taking a sip of something.

"Doc…"

" _*PFFFTT*_ " Why did I see that coming? "*cough* _Doc? *cough* *cough*_ "

"Look, I don't want Tucker to die okay! You're the closest medical help we can get!" I pleaded.

" _Right right right! I'm on my way!_ " *click*

Well…now that that's been taken care of. I make my way casually to the roof of the base where I find Church and Caboose just sitting there scanning for something. I assume they are waiting for Doc.

"Maybe you were right about calling her," Church murmured. "When is she coming?"

"She coming into view right…about…" I point to a something off in the distance. "...Now." Caboose and Church face where I'm pointing. At the other end of the canyon, they see a Magenta colored figure carrying a huge bag sprint it's over to us.

"She's in quite the hurry," Caboose muses

I turn and faced him, "Yeah, well I told her that Doc was coming." I look back over to where I saw Roe and then frown. There wasn't anything there.

"Huh, where did she go?" Church asked scratching his chin.

"*gasp* *wheeze* Tell me… *cough* Am I… *gasp* Did I make it. *wheeze*," the voice came from behind us and sure enough, there was Roe, coughing her lungs out.

"No, Doc isn't here yet," I then ask with concern, "You okay?" She nods and then regains her composure.

"Actually…" Church speaks up, "Doc has just arrived." He then picks up a very familiar looking rifle.

"Why do you have Tucker's rifle?"

"W-well…." Church stutters, "I figured someone should watch over since Tucker can't use it."

I roll my eyes, "Fine." It's not like he can use it anyway. Church then aims down the scope at Doc, oh, and at O'Malley, cause…you know...

*BOOM*

Just as I thought, Church can't hit shit.

"Alright! Hold it right there!" Church shouted. "Yeah, that was just a warning shot O'Malley. You make any funny moves, the next one's gonna go right in the middle of your visor!"

"You think you can make that shot?" Caboose asked with concern.

"Doubt it," I murmur.

"Yeah," Church glumly nods, "I probably can't. I wa actually trying to hit him that time." He then picks up the rifle and frustratingly groans, "I swear to God I think somebody fucks with the sights on this thing when I'm not lookin'. Maybe it was Tucker."Roe looks at me for conformation, I simple shake my head.

"I knew it! This was just some elaborate scheme to lure us into an ambush!" O'Malley accusingly cries.

"I can see that he's still possessed by the A.I.," Roe whispers. We all nod in confirmation.

Church then shouts to O'Malley, "First of all, I don't know if calling you on the phone and calling you on the phone? I don't know if that qualifies as an elaborate scheme. And secondly, we're not ambushing you. We just wanna lay down some ground rules for your visit."

"I'm not very big on rules, you know," O'Malley warns.

"It's true!" Doc adds, "We had this system back at the evil lair where we each clean on different days, but I always end up doing it!"

"Oh shut up!" O'Malley retorts.

Doc just continues complaining, "And he always leaves the milk out!"

"You fool! Be quiet!"

"And don't even get me started on the phone bill."

"Wow," Roe deadpans, "This is depressingly similar to my days of being a roommate back in college." Damn. Anyway, as entertaining as this is, Church decides to interrupt it, we're kind of on a schedule you know!

"Hey Doc, I see you're still swimmin' around in that head somewhere too!"

"Well it's not the ideal situation, but any relationship requires work if-"

O'Malley cuts Doc off and hisses, "You fool! This isn't a relationship, I'm just using your body to fulfill me evil plans. When we're done, I'm going to throw your rotting carcass into a swamp, and let the beasts feed on your entrails, huhuhuhuhahahahaa."

"I love you too buddy," Doc sniffs sincerely. Man, he really enjoys this.

"Oh, shut up!" O'Malley hisses.

"Wow," Roe breathes, "Those two really need professional help."

"So does everyone else in this canyon," I mutter.

"Well, don't get any bright ideas about jumping, into anyone else today, O'Malley!" Church warns. "We've all got our radios off, and we've all got our minds cleared. We're not thinking about anything. For some of us that was easier than others." Roe's eyes widen and then she quickly turned off her radio. She thinks no one saw…but I did…not like it matters, just saying.

"I just finished thinking about something, and didn't even start thinking about anything else," Caboose announces proudly. Just, no comments man…

"So here's how this is gonna work:" Church instructs, "You're gonna come in, you and Do. Roe here are gonna take a look at Tucker, then you're gonna tell us what's wrong, and then you're gonna leave while Roe solves the problem."

"Hmm," O'Malley pondered for a bit, "And what do we get?"

"Whaddaya want?" Church asks, "And I should warn you, Tex is not here. So if you have any cute ideas for her, don't bother."

"We want something from you, but we're not going to tell you what it is, until we need it! Huhuhuhuahahahaha!" O'Malley laughed evilly. It's kind of comical actually, he's practically a cartoon villain.

Church cries, "No way, I'm not agreeing to something without knowing what it is!" Most people wouldn't.

O'Malley then begins his monologue, "Huhuhuhuhuhuh, oh yes you will. You will or your little friend Tucker will die, die a most horrible death. And you know his blood will be on your hands. Years from now, you'll drive yourself mad wondering, if there was anything you could have done to save him, so you will agree to what I want. You will agree even though what I want is something mysterious. What I want is something frightening. What I want is something pure evil, aaahahahahahahahahaaa!" A few seconds of awkward silence go by.

Without a response, O'Malley quickly adds, "I'm also being told that a twenty dollar co-pay is pretty much standard."

"Fine!" Church agrees.

"And in cash…"

"Oh whatever!"

"Ah you moron!" O'Malley jeers, "If you'd used a credit card you could have gotten airline miles! Or at least a thirty day grace period with no interest. You fiscally irresponsible fools!"

Ignoring him, Church turns to Caboose and says, "Caboose, give me twenty dollars. Wait, give me thirty dollars." Why does he need thirty? He then turns to me and ask, "What about her?"

"I got it covered man," I tell him, he nods in understanding.

 _Linebreak_

"Coffee?" I offer. Always have a pot of coffee brewing, that's what I've learned.

"A yes please, milk and one sugar." I placed the two cups near their respective owners and then sat down across from her. While Church was showing O'Malley around, before he gave Tucker a physical. Doc insisted that he was fine doing it alone and Roe should only come if anythings new came up. There wasn't much else to do while we waited so we just went into the kitchen.

"A month is a long time, we're gonna have to catch each other up," I smirk, "Ladies first."

"Well…" Roe giggles, "As you know, we left O'Malley's fortress after the alien defeated the robot army."

"Yeah, figured as much." I replied.

"Speaking of which…" she takes a sip, "What happened to the inhuman visitor?"

"Oh," I rolled my eyes, "He got killed, I'll tell you after I hear your story."

She shrugs and then continues, "Well, we travelled and eventually made our way back to this canyon. Grif was so distraught that he just started screaming in misery."

"That bad?"

Roe deadpans, "He was up there for five minutes straight just screaming no. Eventually we made a game out of it when sarge brought out some sniper rifles and tried to shoot him."

I just sat there trying to comprehend what I just heard, "It was fun…" Roe then lets out a sigh, "Until Sarge made this really complex order of who got to shoot which ended with Sarge getting to go twice as much as us."

"Wow, it must have been bad?" I muse.

"I remember oh so well," Roe then dons a over the top southern accent which was made even sillier since it was combined with her already prevalent Louisiana Cajun accent. **(AU: I don't know how impossible it is to imagine, but oh well, I think I made my point.)** "No, we go in lien! It guoes you than mue, than Simmeons, than to Roe, than baaack daown tuh mue than you, than mue, than mue, than Roe, than Simmeons than mue than mue than Simmeons, than Roe, mue, mue Simmeons, you, Roe, Simmeons, mue, mue, mue, Simmeons you. Roe. Mue. Than mue agan. It makes perfect sanse!"

This cause me to break out laughing.

"What's so funny?" she asks confused.

"Hehehe, your accent does NOT mix well with Sarge's. Hahaha!" She just smirks and rolls her eyes.I then motion her to continue.

"Anyway, Sarge was giving us another coming of events lecture, talking about how we got to be "On our feet!" and how "We could be heading' into serious danger!" and all that."

"Good ol' Sarge," I mutter.

"It was even dumber when your tank rolled past him."

"Our tank? You mean Sheila?"

She nods, "Yeah, it rolled right past Sarge and he was never the wiser. Simmon's tried to convince Sarge it was real." She then laughs, "It may have seen mean at the time, but Grif and I decided to just deny what we saw to Sarge."

"Really?" I asked with a disappointed look.

"Hey don't give me that look!" Roe growled. "It's Sarge, anything to keep him from babbling on and on is a plus for me. Also Donut was being Donut."

I shrug, "Eh, good point." I then ask, "What happened to Simmons?"

"He was ordered by Sarge to keep a distance from the rest of us, I think he lost it for like a week." I raise my eyebrow at that. "He like left the Red team and colored his armor blue!"

"He really did lose it," I breathed.

She then lets a big groan, "And in Simmons's absence, Sarge needed a new number two, so he held a contest to see who qualified?"

"Donut?" I answer with disbelief, Roe then bangs her head down onto the table.

She then gets up, "Oh, and that thing with Simmons? We didn't even find out about his team switch until almost a week later where Simmons launched an attack on the Red base and your tank."

"How did that go?"

She just deadpanned, "He screamed a bunch of insults about the Reds and had Sheila fire at the base. Griff and I decided to try and "negotiate" with him."

"Define "negotiate"."

"Honestly I don't know man," she sighs. "The tank thing really took a toll on the poor guy, Griff and I were just trying to calm him down and get him to come down. We apologized for pretty much throwing him under the bus…man…having Donut as my manager sucked."

"How did Sarge react to all this?" I then ask curiously.

Roe deadpans, "He ignored the tank and went straight to pointing out how Simmons painted himself blue."

"Good ol' Sarge," I chuckle.

"We then got captured by Simmons."

"Oh, what did he do to you," I laugh, "Bore you to death with math problems?"

"I wish," Roe snorts, "It would have been so much better than listening to Simmons discuss his feelings and shit like a fucking angsty teenage girl. We also can't forget how Sarge and Donut mounted a rescue on us."

"...How did-"

"It was a failure, and Sarrge also knocked out Griff," Roe quickly answers. "Your friend Church found us, he knocked out Sarge and we had to drag both Griff and Sarge's bodies out of the base at gunpoint. He lead us into the middle of the canyon and took our jeep and motorcycle. I don't know what happened to Simmons after that."

"I'll have to ask Church about that later," I mutter. "That it?"

Roe then spends a few seconds thinking about it, "Well, besides Donut making a weird drawn out fake story about how he saved Grif and Sarge, and Simmons coming back eventually taking back his old spot…yeah that's about it." She then leans back into her seat and asks me, "What was all that about some quest?"

I then bury my face into my hands, "Oh dear lord!" I take a deep breath, oh then, "Okay, well, like I said earlier, Tucker had to go with the alien on a sword involving his sword. So th3n follows a lot of walking."

Roe then gives me a perplexed look, "Sounds like you had it worse, at least I wasn't bored to death."

"The only highlights was meeting another alien, and ambushing Tex in the swam he went through." I then quickly add, "Oh, and we had to fight our way into the temple that turned out to be Wyoming's base."

"I that Wyoming killed the alien and Tex went after Wyoming which is why she isn't with us right now?"

"Yeah actually…and Tucker pretty much got sick when we got back. He was being nursed by Meia and Fergo before you and Doc got here."

"Meia?"

"She was the alien we ran into," I answer, "She's pretty nice, hell a lot more useful than most of my team."

Roe nods her head in satisfaction, she the furrows her brows and asks me, "Did Tucker have like any contact with anything? Like any plants our animals or anything?"

I thought about it, "Well, the alien was acting weird towards him though a lot of the trip."

She then facepalms, "Alright, I'm going to go see Tucker." She downs the rest of the contents in her cup and then walks out of the room right when Church enters.

"Where is she off to?" Church asks curiously as he pours himself a cup of coffee.

I was equally curious, "I don't know."

Church then asks nervously, "Did, uh, did Tex say where she was going?" I shook my head. This seemed to make Church more worried.

"Hey man don't worry," I attempt to ease his stress. "It's Tex. She'll be fine, probably come back as angry as ever," I laugh.

 _1 hour later_

Doc and Roe walk to where we were gathered. "Hey guys…we uh…We've figured out what's wrong."

Church and I share quick glance, Church then asks, "What is it?"

Roe shakes her head, "You're not gonna like this diagnosis."

"Hmhmhmhm which is ironic, because I think it's absolutely delightful, muhahahaha!" O'Malley cackles.

I reply "Just tell us, we can take it."

"Well," Doc shares a glance with Roe, "Your friend is-"

"Dying? Oh no!" Caboose cried with shock. Which is weird because Caboose hates Tucker.

"No, Caboose," Roe gives a confused look, "He's not dying, he just has-"

"No chance to live. I knew it!"

"Caboose? One more interruption outta you, and he's gonna have two patients," Church growls.

Doc ten shuffles nervously, "How do we say this, your friend is…"

"Why are you pausing?" Roe asks.

"Yeah," Church asks as well, "Caboose is not gonna interrupt you this time."

Doc then laughs, "No, that was just for dramatic effect. In reality, Tucker is…." This time, the pause wasn't because he was being dramatic, no it was because he didn't seem sure he even believed his test results.

Doc looks over to Roe for confirmation, then simultaneously, they bo th reply, "Tucker's pregnant."

"Oh good…" Caboose smiles, "Wait…what?" Church and I have the same thoughts.

" Hmhmhmhmhm, preggers, muahaha," I swear O'Malley can't open his mouth without an evil laughter.

Well Church is more in denial, "Alright, are we paying for this service, because, if we are, I want a refund. And if we're not, I still want a refund." I'm still trying to process what I just heard…it's not working.

"That is not physically possible," I growl, "I thought you two knew better."

Doc then counters, "No it's true, we found two heartbeats. So unless he has two hearts, the only logical explanation is that he's pregnant. …I think."

Church growls, "How is that a logical explanation? Alright, one of the three of you has some explaining to do."

"Haha, don't look at me, Tucker's not my type," laughs Andy.

Caboose replied, "Pshah, me neither. And, uh maybe we should um have the doctor explain, uh just how, babies are made, ya know uh in case someone, in the group, uuh may not exactly know how, that, happens."

Roe then leans over to me and whispers, "You didn't tell me the bomb could talk."

I just shrug and whisper back, "You'll get use to it."

Church, fed up at this points, shouts, "Oh my God Caboose, shut up. Andy, blow up. Doc, you're fired, get outta here. I'm gonna go shoot Tucker. Roe, you're fired too!" Roe looks over to me for confirmation, I just shake my head to keep her from worrying.

O'Malley argues, "No: you said we had to tell you what was wrong; you didn't say we had to be right, or that we had to fix him, you fool, hahahahaa, read the fine print, classic blunder. Hmhm."

Doc then cuts in, "First of all, I am right. And we are going to help him."

"What?" can a confused reply from both Church and O'Malley.

"I can't wait to hear this," I sarcastically remarked.

"Look," Roe cuts in with her two-sense, "No-one's ever seen anything like this before. I don't know what caused this, or how to help him, but I will do all my power to get him through this!"

"Yeah," Church argues back, "We can't go on just your word, we also want a degree. From an accredited medical institution!"

"Yeah. Oh four years equivalent of work experience," Andy cuts in supporting Church.

"Which only one of the three of you have!" I retort.

Doc lets out a frustrated sigh, "Look, come see this for yourself." Church looks over to me, I just shrug.

"Fine," Church growls.

Caboose nervously backs away, "Uh, I think I need to stay here and guaaard this rock. From Tucker. Because I'm pretty sure that's how all this started."

I walk over to him, "Caboose? What's wrong kid? You alright?"

Caboose answers worriedly, "What if Tucker is contagious? I don't want to catch pregnancy." Poor kid, he's scared of something he doesn't understand.

Church cuts in before I can respond, "Hey, no-one is pregnant. And seriously, Caboose, when I get done with this…we gotta have a little talk man. There's a book I've got that we can read together."

Caboose responds softly, "...I'd like that."

I grab his shoulder, "You sure man? I mean, you don't have to-"

Church cuts me off, "Don't worry about it man. I can do it." Huh, I guess Church really does have a soft side. I mean, I've seen cracks of it before, but not like this. It's fascinating.

"Maybe you can have the bowling ball fill you in on some of the basics, hmhm. Let me get you started: there's three holes. Hahahahahaaaaa." Well, O'malley just ruined the moment.

Doc cringes at the comment, "Oh gross."

"I meant in the bowling ball!" O'Malley retorts. Anyway, off we went, back to the base leaving Andy and Caboose behind.

 _Linebreak_

"Uhh, I don't believe this," Church groans. Join the club man.

"It's true, your friend Tucker is pregnant," Doc then picks up his scanner, "See, my little gizo lights up green to indicate pregnancy."

"I thought it lights up green to indicate flesh wounds," Church spoke up.

"Yeah, also that."

I also add, "And infectious diseases."

Roe just rolls her eyes, "It pretty much lights up green for everything. Doc just made differences."

Doc then starts sing it on Church, "See? This green, indicates high level of anger stemming from repressed feelings of inadequacy." Damn that's a burn.

Church then threatens, "If that thing keeps talking bad about me, I'm gonna fucking smash it!"

"Even if it's true," Roe murmurs, "I don't blame him."

Doc continues, "And this green means impotency. Oops, actually that green causes impotency! My bad Church." Man, Church must really be insecure.

Church just shrugs it off, "Oh, that's okay, I wasn't using it anyway."

"Because he's saving it for his ex-girlfriend once she jumps back onto the wagon," I jeer.

"Shutup!" Church glares.

"Meia. Jacklyn," I greet, Meia waves, Roe nods, "I assume you two got acquainted."

Meia cheerfully, "Yes, she is quiet the healer." I look over to Roe and she just smiles and shrugs.

Doc then finishes his explanation, "See, these tools can be confusing sometimes. That's why doctors have to go to school for so long. Not that I'm actually a doctor mind you."

Roe then comments, "The instruments shouldn't be the complicated, but that's because I don't remember having to use a tool for all my medical purposes. Just saying."

Church then sarcastically remarks, "And that's never been more apparent than with this diagnosis."

Tucker suddenly sits up and groans, "Uogh, what diagnosis?"

Fergo is immediately on him, "Easy there Tucker, you're still sick."

"Congratulations Tucker, you're pregnant," Doc greets.

"Huhahaha, with a bastard. Muhuhahahahaha," O'Malley grins.

"YOU'RE WHAT?!" Fergo shrieks.

Tucker cowers and cries, "It's not mine, we weren't even in town that weekend!"

"I didn't even know human males could bare children," Meia cries in shock for the revelation.

Church quickly interjects, "Tucker, Fergo, Meia, don't listen to him, he's lunatic man, he's got no idea what he's talkin' about."

Fergo then asks, "What about Roe then?" Everyone turns their attention to the only Red member present.

"Uh-uh ahh…" Roe stutters, "Want Doc to go over the green light thing again?" Before any of us could answer, Caboose comes running crying hysterically carrying in his hands a…is that a skull?!

"Doctors! Help! My second best friend is dead! Fix him!" Caboose sobbed.

I jumped up and tried to calm him, "Whoa whoa whoa, Caboose, what happened, who's dead?" Wait what?

"Okay, that's disgusting," Church blanches.

"Andy! Andy's dead. Look!" Caboose then raises the skull.

"Doctor Doc, Doctor Roe, please help him," Caboose pleaded.

Doc incredulously answers, "Uh, I don't know what I can really do to help him, my first aid procedures aren't very effective after decomposition." Roe just dumbly nods in agreement since she's at a loss for words.

Church then asks Caboose, "Where did you get that?" Caboose just sits down sobbing while cradling the skull and rocking back and forth,

"First Tucker dies and now Andy!"

A now even more confused Meia asks, "Wasn't Andy the bomb?" I simply nod.

"Why is Caboose sad Tucker is dieing, doesn't he hate him?" Roe asks me all confused.

"I honestly don't know anymore," I tiredly tell her.

"Tucker isn't dead, he's pregnant," Doc corrects.

Tucker still denial cries out, "It's not mine, we weren't even going steady!"

Fergo suddenly gives Tucker a confused look, "What the fuck does that mean?"

"Tucker, stop that!" Church snaps.

Tucker replies, "Hey look man, I've been saying that for a long time, it's gonna take a little while to get used to this."

"You're not pregnant," Church growls.

"No, he's pregnant," Roe reassures, "We even have the results from his urine to prove it."

"Well…" Chruch ponders for a moment, "Maybe the results are wrong!"

Ignoring them, I turn to Caboose and ask, "What happened Caboose?"

Caboose sniffs, "I was just standing outside the base, and someone told me and when I did, Andy…"

"And let me guess," Church decides to finish the story, "When you turned back around, Andy was gone."

"Yes. He was…gone."

"I didn't know bombs could do such things. Your race is quite the fascinating one," Meia comments.

"It's because they don't, bombs no matter how alive they seem. Don't. Do. That." Church gorans.

"Wait," Roe calls out.

"What do we do with the pregnant guy?" Doc finishes.

"It's not mine!" Tucker cried, clearly still in denial.

"He is not pregnant!" Looks like Church is also still in denial. Not really saying it's possible either, but I don't know, I need more information.

"And what about Andy?" Caboose cries as Church walks for the door.

"That's not Andy!" Church hysterically screamed, "Stay here!" Church then ran out, I was bout to go after him but Meia grabbed my arm.

She donned her best puppy eyes and pleaded, "Can I come along?" I just nod and we race after Church.

"Sheila come on! We're going!" I shouted. As we ran past her, her engine started.

 _Approximately 5 minutes later_

"Firing main cannon." *BOOM*

"Man, watch those guys scatter," I murmur.

"These soldiers aren't…they scatter so easily," observed an astonished Meia, "I didn't even know a male's voice could reach the high tone!"

Suddenly Simmons, Grif, and Donut's heads then emerge from right to left above their rock in a comical way.

"Hey Blues!" Simmons greets, "-Up- I mean, Blue! We're gonna give you a chance to surrender!"

"But why, victory is on our side?" asks a confused Meia.

I shrug, "They're dumb like that."

Church shouts back, "Wha- why would I-"

*BOOM*

He was then interrupted by a tank shell…that timeing I swear.

"Hey hold on a second Sheila," Church then turns back to the Reds, "Why would I surrender!?" The Reds duck down for a few moments and then pop back up.

"Uh, because you're outnumbered!" Simmons shouted. No we're not.

"WHAT?!" screams Church.

"They are pathetic," Meia growls. Can't argue with the truth.

Simmons then beings to list all the past surrenders, "Well, if you'll recall, first you surrendered, and you guys gave us Doc. And then we surrendered, and we gave you the jeep. Now, that means that…"

Church turns to Sheila and gives her an order, "Sheila, shut him up."

*BOOM*

"Son of a bitch!"

"Is that a no?" Donut nervously asks.

Church then begins his rant, "Okay look guys, I don't mean to be rude, but I've got a missing girlfriend, a guy who's pregnant, his pissed off girlfriend, a homeless alien, your medic, an idiot who thinks his pet just died, and our worst enemy is hanging out unsupervised at our base right now. So I really, really, REALLY, don't have time for this horseshit right now!"

The Reds share a glance for a moment before Grif asks, "Uh, what was that part about the pregnant guy?"

"He's not pregnant!" Church screams. "That's impossible."

"You know," Meia comments, "My race is known to impregnate other species."

Church and I turn to face her and I ask, "Wait, what?"

She then explains, "It's a rare case, but some males are known to do it."

Andy form like out of nowhere adds, "Yeah, unless the Alien impregnated him. That's what they do, they infect the host with a parasitic embryo. Hahaha! But you already knew that, right? Right?"

Church the cries at both of them, "What? NO! Why didn't you tell us this could happen?!"

Meia shuffles her feet and murmurs, "I didn't remember until now."

Andy just stutters, "Uhh, I mean uhh, Alien baby? How could that have happened? I am just as shocked as you are..." Suddenly, Church gets a call on the radio.

"Church wait!" I cry, too late…he answered it…shit.

"Come in Church come in."

"Caboose," scolds Church, "What did I tell you man, you're not supposed to use the radio while O'Malley's here!" He then groans in frustration when he discovers something, "Oh great, now I'm on the radio." I just facepalm.

Caboose nervously responds "Oh that, that's what I'm calling to tell you. Um, the Reds already used their radio aaand, O'Malley is gone."

Church facepalms, "Oh my god!"

"You serious?" I ask in disbelief.

He turns to me, "Yeah, we lost O'Malley." Well that's not good.

Sarge must have heard us, because he started screaming, "That's right Blue, we've called in the cavalry. As we speak, the glorious Red Command is sending a ship to aid us! No doubt it's a battle cruiser of the highest magnitude! It's time to end this thing once and for all!"

We could hear in the background Tucker grunting, "Ohh, hee hee hee hooo, huuugggghhh!"

We could hear Roe instructing, "Push! Push!"

Finally followed by Doc, saying, "Congratulations, it's a-thing. Eugh."

"Honk honk, whaaargh, whaaargh!" What the fuck was that?

He then cringes, "What was that?"

Caboose winces, "Oh, well, that's the other thing I called about, um, Tucker had his gross baby."

Meia grabs my attention, "Lockett we must hurry, a child at such a young age is susceptible to all forms of outside influence!"

I nodded, "Church we gotta go!"

He then gets angry again, "He is not PREGNANT!" Church then turns to us, "Sheila? Stay here. If anybody moves, shoot 'em." We then take off running for the base.

Behind me, I could barely make out Donut screaming, "A baby, wait up! I wanna see!" I was soon too far to hear him. Right as I reached the door I swear I could hear a loud… *SLAM*. I'm gonna have to deal with that later.

 **Author's Note: Honestly, I love the episodes where Simmons switched teams. They were too funny to leave out so I had to put them in somehow. I hope you thought they were fine, or at least you didn't hate them too much. Thank you for reading, see you next week.**


	21. Arrival From Above

**Author's Note: Happy Thanksgiving, even if we are a couple days off. Here we go, we have officially started Season 5. I'm kind of wondering how I am going to write that time-loop scene. If you guys have any ideas let me know, I can't imagine just writing the same scene over and over again with Tucker noticing something be interesting.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.**

Arrival From Above

I'll be honest, I'm not sure what I've gotten myself into. This place is not at all what I expected, why me?! It's not my fault I destroyed that limo! Of all the crazy shit I have seen, my short time with these guys in this box canyon will forever be the weirdest. Could be worse I guess, I could have been sent to the Army's B-Company! I hear it's so infamous, people call it "Bad Company". Oh right, where were we….

"Okay…." I took a deep breath, "You want to explain to us, especially me….What happened?"

Doc just happily replies, "Well, everything is just fine. The patient is just resting." How is that answer my question? We then hear the racket going on behind Doc.

"It doesn't sound like he's resting," Church comments.

"That's not Tucker," Doc explains, "That's our new arrival."

"Where's Roe?" I ask.

I then hear a faint, "Hey! Get back here!" *thump*

Doc listens for a moment, then turns back to me, "She's taking care of the new arrival."

*thump* "Hey! No! Nonono! Don't touch that! Don't-" *shatter* "Oh, shit…."

"Oh you little…." that sounds like Fergo.

"Blarrrrrrg!" *crash*

"Oh, by the gods…."

Doc then pridefully explains, "He's got a lot of energy since his first feeding."

"Wait," I then cringe and ask, "Tucker "feed" the baby?"

"Gross," blanches Church.

"Actually Caboose," Doc corrects, "He was kind enough to donate some blood." He then chuckles, "You know what they say, it take a village."

I facepalm, "Doc, I don't think anyone says that."

Church then asks curiously, "How did you get Caboose to agree to that?"

Doc shrugs, "It's amazing what Caboose will you if you promise him a cookie and a glass of orange juice."

"Blarg honk, honk!" *crash*

"Hey! I was using that!"

"Fergo grab the net!"

"He hates needles though," I retort.

Doc laughs, "No needles; it turns out if you just expos some bare skin, the little guy just digs right in!" We then notice Caboose leaving the room. He wobbles up and stands behind Doc.

Doc then looks off dreamily, "It's like a miracle to see nature at work."

"I feel dizzy!" Caboose groans.

"Uh, is he going to be okay?" I ask with concern.

Doc just answers, "Tucker's kid drank half a gallon in one go. Isn't that cool? I think he's gonna be a linebacker. Or a vampire. Or a vampire linebacker! That'd be crazy."

"So…." I repeat the question, "Again….Is he going to be alright?"

Caboose looks around randomly, "Oooooh…."

Doc twiddles his thumbs, "Well….Blood is pretty important, so Caboose is bound to have some side effects like dizziness, or nausea, or sensitivity to light-"

Caboose then blankly stares at the wall, "I think I'm going to stop standing up now." Caboose then collapses into a heap.

"Or passing out," Doc adds.

Caboose then groggily tells me, "Lockett, if I die, I want you to have my orange juice."

"Blargblargblargblargblargblarg!"

"Meia! Get "Meia then shoots out of the room gasping.

She looks over to us and chuckles, "He's *gasp* He's quite the child."

Church then asks incredulously, "How can Tucker sleep with all that racket?"

"Sleeping?" Meia shakes her head, "He's not sleeping."

Doc nods enthusiastically, "He's in a coma." Looks like Church has had enough.

"Alright, that's it," Chruch then pulls out one of the sniper rifles he confiscated from the Reds. "Get out of the way Doc. I'll take care of this."

"I can't feel my torso," Caboose grunts.

"Church…." I murmur, I think I know what he's planning.

Doc shakes his head, " I don't think so. A newborn is really susceptible to infection, and disease. And cuddling. I only wanna expose it to as few people as possible." Doc, as oblivious as ever, Meia on the other hand, she looks a little concerned, to say the least.

"Doc, don't worry, I'm not gonna give it a cold. I'm just gonna go in there, step on its neck and shoot it in the head. Because that's how I roll." Oh good, Church explained his true intentions.

"If that was even possible," I silently snort.

Doc glares, "Well now you're definitely not coming in. And I think we're gonna send back your shower gift too."

Church laughs and sarcastically remarks, "I tell you what - I promise to wash my hands before I destroy the abomination of nature, okay?"

Doc firmly stands his ground, "Sorry-but no."

Church laughs again, "Doc - Seriously, you can't keep me from going inside my own base." He then turns to me, "Right Lockett?"

"No."

His head then snaps to me, "What do you mean no?!"

I, with a bored tone, reply, "It's actually out of my jurisdiction to interfere with how the medics operate." Church just stares at me. I then shrug, "If you really want to go and try, go for it go ahead. But…." I then motion towards Meia, "You'll have to get past her….and I can't really help you after that."

For future reference, my height is 6 ft 3 in, and average male sangheili height I've seen is about 7 ft. Meia, was tall even for a female of her species. I would estimate her height at 6 ft, 7, now, if you think Church was intimidated by me, imagine someone who is 4 inches taller than me.

Meia stands at her full height and lets out a menacing growl, Church just gulps. Poor Church, if I feel intimidated by Meia right now, I can only imagine how Church feels, that guys like, uh, 5 ft, 10.

Meia grabs Church and hoists him up by his chest plate, she looks him in the eyes and snarls, "If you lay a hand on that cub….I will rip you limb from limb and the disembowel you with a butter knife." She then lets go and turns away, but not before adding, "And that's after I skin you with a potato peeler."

I laugh and throw a thumbs up, "Nice! It's good to see you putting the dictionary and thesaurus I got you to good work!" Meia lets out a soft giggle.

Aw, thats cute, but almost 7 ft tall reptilian alien with the teeth and claws to add, seems to have the personality of a human teenage girl. She may not be that young, but honestly, it wouldn't even surprise me if you was as young as Caboose with the way she acts.

Doc then says, "Thank you Meia." Meia gives him a nods, Do then sternly tells Church, "You are not going in there Church. Don't make me pull rank on you!"

Church quickly recovers from his earlier scare and in disbelief replies, "Rh-rank? What the fuck- I outrank, you don't outrank me I'm a Captain."

"No, you're a Private with a dead Captain." Doc corrects, "The last time I checked, that makes you a Private….with a dead Captain." Wait, didn't, "Also, comand never actually planned to promote you….They in fact demoted you after you died." Damn, that's gonna sting.

"They what-Fine! We're both Privates, you don't outrank me," Church huffs and crosses his arms. Wow Chruch, you're doing what 4 year olds have been doing for like….ever.

Doc then smirks and says, "No, I'm Medical Super-Private, First Class." Wait what….

"That's not real," Church argues.

"Yes it is," Doc replies matter-of-factly.

"Since when?" Church asks,

"I would like to know to," I join in.

Doc stutters, "Uh, since I sent them a letter every day for four years requesting that promotion."

"Harrgh!"

"Oh shit! Roe it's on the shelves!"

"I can see that! Fergo go get the ladder!"

Meia turns her head curiously back to the door, Church ignores that background noise and cries, "They promoted you for that!? You haven't even used your weapon!"

Doc then fires back with, "Leadership isn't about firing bullets and stabbing people Church, leadership is about being able to tell others to fire bullets and stab people."

Meia then confusedly asks, "I thought Warrior Lockett was the leader of this clan,"

"Exactly," Doc confirms. He then turns and asks me, "Sgt. Lockett, what are your orders."

I just let out a sigh, God I feel like a parent right now, "Church, you're not going to kill the baby."

"But, but-"

"If I've been bitten, does that mean I'm going to turn into one of them?" Caboose groans.

"Shut up Caboose," Church growls.

"Blaaaaaaaaa-"

"Shut up Caboose," Church repeats.

"-aaaaarg. Oh no, don't let me turn." All of a sudden. *CRASH* We all hear the sound of something crashing followed by the feeling of the ground shaking like a seizing toddler.

"The hell was that?!" A surprised Church asks.

"I didn't feel anything," Caboose moans.

"We'll be right back- don't feed any more of our soldiers to the Alien. Church let's go!" We both then run off to see what happened.

Doc shouted after us, "Okay, but I can't make any promises."

 _Linebreak_

When we get outside, the first thing we notice is a ship that has crashed landed in the middle of the canyon. Strangely enough, the Reds are right where we left them….minus Donut. It looks like Sarge just drove off without Grif and Simmons.

Church is the first to speak, "What the fuck are you guys doing out here, breaking the canyon?"

Grif retorts, "Fuck off Blue. A ship just crashed on one of our guys."

"What this ship?" Church points to the one in front of us. Really Church?

Looks like Simmons had the same thought, "No, another ship. Then that ship left, and this ship crashed in the exact same spot."

"Where did it come from?" Church you're gonna give me an aneurysm.

"It's a spaceship, it came from space."

Church pauses for a moment, "... … … Dibs." What?

"What?" Simmons asks.

Church repeats, "Dibs. I just called dibs. This is my ship now. Dibs."

Simmons growls, "No it isn't jackass, we found it first."

Church then reaffirms his point, "Yeah but you didn't call dibs. I did. Dibs. See?"

"Church," I sigh, "That's not how it works."

"Yeah!" shouts Grif, "You can't call dibs on a spaceship! That's ridiculous."

Church just laughs, "Yehehah, yes I can. Dibs- see? I just did it again. Now, get the fuck away from my ship, tomato can."

"Really?" I asks with disbelief, "That's your best insult?"

"Shutup," Church quickly responds.

"Don't call me tomato can," Simmons growls.

Grif then beckons, "Try and take it then!"

Church just shrugs, "Um….okay. Sheila?"

Sheila, who just happened to drive up behind us at that moment, happily says, "You bet."

Grif then glares at Simmons, "Fuck! You forgot about that too, didn't you?"

Simmons sighs, "Yeah, kinda."

Sheila then repeats what Church had ordered earlier, "Now step away from the ship, tomato can."

"Ha ham tomato can," Grif taunts.

"You too, lemonhead," wow, Sheila sucks at insults too.

Grif shouts, " Hey I'm orange, not yellow!"

Then Sheila lets out a long laugh, "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha." What was odd was that the laugh was all distorted and weird. Then we start hearing this tapping noise which broke Church and I out of our thoughts.

"What the hell is that tapping noise? Sounds like Morris Code." Oh dear lord, Morse Church!

"Morse," Simmons corrects. Thank you Simmons!

Church just glares and says, "Sheila, if he corrects me again, please make him blow up."

Sheila trains her turret onto Simmons, "Ah huhah, sounds like fun." Simmons' knees at this point are shaking.

"Well what does it say?" I finally ask.

Grif groans, "It says "tap tap tap." We don't know."

Simmons also adds, "We were trying to translate it when you showed up and interrupted us."

Church counters with, "No, when I interrupted you, you were standing around doing nothing. Just like the last fifty times I interrupted you guys." Church then leans closer to the ship and listens. "Oh wai-wai-wai-wait, listen listen!" Church hisses, "Listen, it says, "Red... sucks... balls." Hey, look my new ship can talk! And it knows things. That's a good ship."

"Jesus Church, that was immature as hell," I mutter.

Simmons once again says, "It's not your ship, it's our ship. We called it, and it came."

Church inspects the ship, "I don't know, I don't see any markings on it."

"It landed on Donut!" Simmons cried. Aw-aw man, poor Donut. "You can't have the ship!"

Church then says, "How in the heck would that mean- oh wait, the pink guy? Oh I actually liked him!"

Grif just throws his hands up in confusion, "Seriously, what's with all these feelings for Donut?"

"You can't have the ship," Simmons states….again.

Church then says, "I'm not asking for it: it's already mine. Right Sheila?"

"Actually, I kind of like it," Sheila replies, "I think it is mine."

Church then looks over and whispers, "Hey are you okay?"

"Still technically counts as ours," I call out.

"I am fine Church, nothing is wrong," Sheila replies.

"Okay, just be cool," Church whispers.

"I am cool. You be cool," Sheila retorts. All of a sudden, Sarge pulls up.

He gets out of the jeep and says, "Bad news, fellas, I couldn't find that levitation ray, but I did find the remote control to-" He stops for a moment, he looks around and his eyes widen when he sees us. He then starts to get angry, he shouts, "Hey, what's goin' on out here?! Whaddaya think you're doing you lousy Blue?"

Chruch replies, "I'm just trying to figure out what the deal is with this spaceship."

Sarge then shouts, "Dibs!"

Grif and Simmons groan, "Too late."

Sarge then angrily shouts, "Dagnabbit! Why do I ever leave you two to guard anything? Everybody knows about the International Dibs Protocol! And the No Takebacks Accord." Goodman, and I thought Church was incompetent.

I then notice something going on behind Church and I, it was Sheila, she was driving off, away from us.

Church laughs, "See guys, this is our ship. And by ours, I mean mine, and my... eighty ton... ...friend."

"Sheila where are you going?" I shout after her.

"Bye everyone," she giggles. Well fuck this.

"Well, see you later Church...I uh….I need to uh….check on Caboose," I then run off after Sheila. Yeah, I'm outgunned here, outnumbered at point blank range with a partner who can't even hit anything at that distance. It's always a good talent to have to know when to run.

 _A little bit later._

Church and I made it back to base, Fergo and Roe were still treating Tucker, Caboose was still on the floor, and Meioa was standing next to him.

"Caboose, Meia, where's Doc?" I ask.

"Doc left. Took the baby for a walk. It's growing up so fast. Seems like just yesterday he was born," Caboose sighed.

Church reminds Caboose, "Well actually, that's because he was, born today. Like, an hour ago."

Caboose sniffs, "We need to cherish these times. I wish I knew how to scrapbook."

"The young one is right," chuckles Meia, "We should cherish our time and memories with the cub, our species mature fast."

"How's Tucker?" I ask.

"Still in his coma," Caboose answers,

Church then goes on a tangent, "Great. Tucker's out, Sheila's on the fritz, and now Doc is babysitting. Caboose, if we survive the next five minutes, I'll be fuckin' amazed." Church then runs out the way he came.

Before I ran after him I turned and told Meia, "Take care of him, I'll be right back." I then followed Church.

"Dammit where is he!" Church growls.

"There!" I point to the forest side of the cliff. On one of the hills, I saw Doc, standing there with a tiny alien with the same colored armor as Tuckers.

Church runs up to Doc and says, "Hey Doc, we've got problems man, I need to call Command." Doc just gives us silence.

Church then tries again, "Hello? Earth to Doc. I mean, this place, to Doc."

"Well…." Doc begins, "Don't you guys wanna say hello to our new friend?"

"What?" Church asks all confused. I point to the tiny teall alien next to Doc.

"Honk?"

Church just sputters, " I don't... I c- I can't, I can't I don't, this is-"

"Take you time," Doc smiles, "This is a big moment."

"Uh, hi?" I greet. Can he even understand me?

"Blarg," the baby alien nods. Huh, I guess he can.

Church just groans, "I can't deal with this right now."

"Hnnnk!" the baby cries.

"Shut up, you disgusting. Doc, what is Vic's number?"

"Church that's mean!" cry.

"What for?" Doc asks.

Church relies, " For reinforcements. Wait, unless, you've had like, specialized combat training in the last ten minutes."

Doic shakes his head, "Uh, nope."

Church restates his previous comment, "Then yeah, reinforcements."

Doc then adds, "Well I did just change a dirty diaper-" Ew.

Church deadpans, "That doesn't count."

Doc shrugs, "I don't know, it was a real doozy. Number two."

"I don't need to know that man," I cringe.

"Doc, focus!" Church shouts, "Vic's number what is it?"

Doc replies, "Come on Church, everybody remembers Vic's number! Didn't he ever teach you the song?"

Church groans, "Oh right, Vic's jingle."

"He had a jingle?" I incredulously ask.

Doc enthusiastically replies, "Yeah! It went something like this: " _If you want to talk, don't email. And don't you click click click click, just call me up at five five five, V-I-C-K._ ""

I deadpanned, "Wow, that was pretty lame."

Church then comments, "You know it probably would have been more memorable if it rhymed. Or if his name actually ended in a K."

"That makes it even lamer," I murmur.

Doc then comments, "You know Church, music is a great way to learn things. That's how I studied for the MCAT."

"You passed the MCAT?" a suprised Church asks. I bet he didn't.

"Nha ha ha hah, not even close," Doc laughs, called it. Church starts dialing while Doc continues, " But you should really hear my rendition of the Kelly Clarkson song "Miss Independence." It teaches you all about the lymphatic system. ( _singing_ ) Doum, d-doum, lymphatic system-""

"Hey, shut up I'm on the phone," Church hisses.

"Honk!"

"Hey, Lockett, do me a favor will you? Kill that fucking thing." I just shake my head.

A few moments later I hear Vic, "Hey dude."

"Vic! Hey, it's Church."

"This is Vic, at 555-V-I-C-K, doo doodley doo. I'm not in the casita right now, so leave you low-down at the ding-dong. Hata." That's his answering machine?

Hey Vic, this is Church I need ta-"

We all then hear a robotic voice, "You have reached the voicemail system."

Church lets out a frustrated sigh, "Okay okay, come on."

"To leave a message, just wait for the tone."

"I know how to leave a goddamned message."

"When you are finished recording, just hang up. Or press pound for more options."

I then ask Doc, "Do they really make us go through all of that?" Doc nods sheepishly.

"Really, hang up, no shit. I was just gonna keep talkin' until he decided to check his voicemail."

"For delivery options, press five."

"Just give me the damn beep!" I check my watch, yeah we're going to be here for a while.

"To leave a callback number, press eight. To page this person, press six."

"Come on!"

" To repeat this message, press nine."

" I will fucking stab you computer phone lady."

Doc then asks me, "Does he normally threaten violence like this?"

I shrug, "Eh, give it time."

 _Sometime later_

" To mark this message as urgent, press eleven."

"There is no eleven, you fucking whore!"

Doc scolds, "Ooh, language."

"Hey Doc, do you ever wonder why we're here?" I ask.

Doc replies, "Well, personally I feel that answer is a bit suggestive so I can have multiple answer."

"True…." I then ask again, "But, yes or no, do you ever wonder why we're here?"

Doc is silent for a moment, he then answers, "Yeah, I do."

 **Author's Note: Again, sorry for posting this a little later than I usually do. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you haven't yet, please follow this story that would be cool. See you next week.**


	22. Another Newbie

**Author's Note: Welcome to another chapter of Through New Eyes, I want to welcome you readers back. I would like to welcome any new readers, getting updates on my emails telling me who followed is really cool, I like seeing that. Let's me know you guys are reading. Alright, on with the story.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.**

Another Newbie

"To hear these options in Spanish, press dos."

"I HATE YOU!" Church furiously screams. I don't blames him, we spent fucking 20 minutes at least going through each number, jesus all 10 of them, including button 11, I still don't think that even exists by the way.

The Voice Mail then rings out. *beep*

"Vic, it's Church, I need y-" Church is then cut off by the machine.

"I'm sorry, but this person's voice mailbox is full."

I lean over to Doc and whisper, "It's official, the universe hates Church today." Looks on curiously.

Church then buries his face into his hands and moans, "Uhchmmm I'm gonna kill myself. I'm gonna kill myself."

With concern in his voice, Doc asks, "Uh, what was all that about?"

"Yeah man, is everything alright?" I ask as well.

Church glances over to us, "Doc, Lockett…." dramatic pause here, "We are royally screwed. Half our team is down, and I think th-"

Doc cuts in, "No it's not, look!" Doc points back to our base.

We both look and see Caboose run out screaming, "I'm okay!"

Caboose them promptly faceplants into the ground right after he said that.

"I'm not okay!" Caboose corrects.

Not taking my eyes off Caboose, I murmur, "At least he's in the sun now."

Doc, completely ignoring Caboose, firmly states, "He's fine!"

A moment of silence passes before Church continues, "Like I was saying, half the team is down, and the half that's left, sucks. So all the Reds need to do is attack us, and we're dead. I don't think Lockett is going to be able to keep all of us alive." Heh, makes sense….wait a second!

"Hnnnk!"

Church then groans, "Oh right, and I have to kill this fucking thing."

"Hey!" I shout at him, "What do you mean I suck?!"

Church throws up his arms, "Okay fine! Maybe some of us can fight! But still-"

" Also I see a big ship. Now I know I'm hallucinating!" cries Caboose.

Church then continues, "Oh I forgot that part! The Reds also have an enormous ship that was sent by their Command. Probably has a huge fucking weapon on it. Like a nuke, or a biological weapon that's gonna melt our skin, or a genetic weapon that's gonna make everyone in blue armour sterile... awesome."

I scratched the back of my head and confusedly asked, "Church, don't you think you are over reacting a little?"

He stares at me in disbelief and then screams, "NO! You were in the army Lockett, haven't they ever taught you to expect the worst?!" I was about to retort but then i started to think, what hee said did make sense.

I shrug and reply, "Yeah, fine, but I still think you're overreacting just a little."

Doc then nervously says, "Hmm. Maybe this isn't the best time to remind you that technically I'm neutral in this conflict"

Church ignores what he said and grumbles, "Lockett, Doc, I don't think the situation could get much worse. I mean the ship is bad enough, but God knows what kind of reinforcements they have in that thing. Could be a whole new squad! Or a freelancer! Or-"

"Hey! Warrior Lockett!" Meia comes running out but she then stopped dead in her tracks and stares at the sip in the middle of the canyon.

Church then finishes his thought, "Or an alien could be on it, and not the friendly kind! No, the kind that will in fact us and have their babies explode from our chest or something!"

I sarcastically ask, "Wanna know what you sound like?"

"What?"

"Someone who's seen the movie _Alien_ too many times." Church visibly deflates.

I roll my eyes, "Fine, we'll go back to base, get the binoculars and observe from back there, okay?"

Church nods, "Alright."

I then turn and order, "Doc stay where, call us if anything happens."

I then run off as Doc shouts after me, "You got it Sarge!"

 _A little bit later_

"Looks like the Reds got a new member," I murmur.

"They do?" Church asks.

"See for yourself," I tell Church as I hand Caboose the binoculars.

Church looks down the scope of the sniper rifle, "Shit. Yeah, they got a new one," Church grumbles.

"Caboose to you see him?" I ask.

"The one next to Simmons. That's Grif," Caboose states matter-of-factly.

Church grumbles, "The other yellow one. Dumbass."

"Oh," Caboose shakily replies back, " That new yellow person, y-oh yes of course, yes. Uh, he looks very scary. Yes and uh, I know that because I am looking right at him, right now, yes. He is yellow. This is very interesting."

"Caboose, you don't see him do you?" I ask.

Caboose sheepishly replies,"Yeah, I don't- I don't even know how to use this thing." I bet he was staring at the wall.

Church then starts hypothesising or whatever you call whatever he does, "Oh man, this is no good. Yellow armour. What does yellow armour mean, is that like some kinda... special ops guy or... man, this can't be good for us."

"Naw, man," I tell him, "It wouldn't be a Spec. Ops."

"What makes you say that?"

"It doesn't make sense tactically," I explain, "Yellow is the most brightest and most visible color in the spectrum, it's the reason why cabs are yellow. It be as if I were to stand out in the open with a big sign that says "Shoot me I'm an Idiot!" I just wouldn't work man."

"Oh," Church mumbles.

Caboose then suggests, "What is its a new gun?" Wait, what?

Church groans, " What? Why am I even talking to you, it's a person! In yellow armour, we already established that!"

Caboose then thinks for a moment, "Oh, now wait maybe they got their own medic." He is just greeted by silence as Church and I both deadpan.

"Caboose," Church sighs, "They have a medic. Roe remember?"

Caboose speaks again for a moment, then he cheerfully tries again, "A nurse?"

Church looks over to me and incredulously repeats, "A nurse?"

I place my hand on his shoulder, "Hey man, easy. He might be onto something, that guy may not be a nurse, but he may actually be say….an engineer, or janitor, or even fucking maid."

"Maid," Church chuckles, "That would be something."

"Maybe he's some kind of merc. Like some ex-Spec. Ops. or something," Church suggests.

"Could be possible," I shrug, "It's still a shitty armor color."

"He's probably some kind of special forces," oh not this again, "Probably trained in, knives or... ball-kicking or somethin'."

Caboose then ponders, "Maybe he's an alien."

Church deadpans, "An alien that looks like us?" he asks.

"That's the scariest kind of alien," Caboose whispered.

I chuckle, "Maybe he's a Space Nazi."

"What?" a confused Church asks.

I repeat, "A Space Nazi. What would we call that anyway….Space….Nazi….Spazi? Hmm, yeah, I think that works, Spazi."

Church grumbles, "Why are you two even here? It would be easier for me to just call random people on the phone, and talk to them about this. They would understand the situation better." Church casts a quick glance at me, "Or at least take it more seriously." I was about to retort, but then I heard something coming up the stairs.

"Uh, whudldldluh. Bludludldldlah."

"Oh well, look who's awake," Church announces.

"Hey Tucker," I greet, "Welcome back to the land of the living?"

"This is the land of the living?" Tucker incredulously asks.

"No, its hell actually."

"Oh right," Tucker reaches the roof and stretches, "What the fuck happened?"

Caboose starts to explain, "Oh, well, um, uh as you may remember, uh you were impregnated by an alien visitor who was on a noble mission to save his entire species from de-"

"Can I get the short version?" Tucker interjects.

"Yeah," Church answers, "You got knocked up, you got knocked out."

Tucker then starts to recall the past events, "Oh right, I need to start workin' out. Lose this baby weight."

"Well, you could join me in my workout routine…." Tucker looks at me in horror, "Or, you can use the gym in the base and use a slower, more calm routine." I held up a piece of paper with instructions on it, Tucker took it. "It's not as quick as mine, but it will help with the fat loss. Some of us…." *cough* Church *cough*, "need it."

Caboose then chirps, "Yeah, you know, we, we should all start working out, you know, uh, especially some of us," Caboose slightly glances over to Church.

"Yeah, some of us…." Tucker does the same, "Seem to have let ourselves go more than others."

Church then glances between us, "Are you guys talkin' about me?"

I corrected him, "Well, it's what we implied."

"We ah didn't wanna say anything," Caboose admits.

Tucker taunts, "Yeah, that's why we said something. Fatty!" It hurts when it's true.

Church then growls, "Hey back off guys, I've been under a lot of stress. I've been carrying this whole fucking team."

Tucker argues, "No, Lockett's been carrying the team for the most part. Where'd you carry us, to the buffet?"

Caboose points, "He said it."

"What're you guys doing up here anyway? And what's that huge thing?" Tucker looks over at the crashed ship.

"That's Church," Caboose replies. Oh, man, lol.

"He means the ship, Caboose," Church growls.

Caboose pints at Tucker again, "He said it."

"The Reds called in a ship, and it landed on Donut. Now they've got new hardware, and a new soldier," Church explains.

"Oh really? Let me see," Tucker picks up his sniper rifle and looks down he scope. He then lowers the rifle and mumbles, "It's a girl."

Surprised, I said "Really? Let me see?" I look down my binoculars. "Well what do you know, it is a girl."

Church practically jumps, "Wha- Girl? That's a girl?"

"Yeah," I murmur, "I don't think it could be a dude, not with those hips."

"Wow! Another girl!" Caboose exclaims.

"You're positive that's a girl. How can you be sure?" Church asks Tucker.

"Dude," Tucker deadpans, "Look who you're talking to."

"Yeah dude, it's Tucker, you would think he would know out of all of us," I laugh.

Church rolls his eyes, "Whatever, Tucker come on, Lockett and I have someone you need to meet."

 _Linebreak_

"So this is it Tucker," Church announces, "This is your little monstrosity. Your little abomination of nature." Man, Church is, being kind of a dick right now.

Tucker turns to us and asks, "Uh, what do I do?"

"Why are you asking us?" Church fires back.

Tucker shrugs, "I don't know how to be a Dad. This isn't the way I planned it."

"You planned this?" Church asks, "Tucker, I had no idea."

Tucker shakes his head, "No no, I mean I always wanted to have the ideal Father-Son relationship. You know, where I see him for like eight hours every other weekend and send cheques to some woman I hate."

I sigh, "Tucker that's not ideal."

Caboose smiles, "It's emotional conversations like this that make me miss my Mom." I just stare at him.

"That's harsh dude," I tell him.

Church claps his hands together, "Alright look let's leave these two alone. Let 'em do a little bonding."

Tucker then cries, "Hey don't leave me here with him, what'm I s'posed to say?"

"Tucker," I'm going to tell him the truth, "He's only a kid, he needs a father figure in his life. You need to be there for him."

Caboose then adds, "Ask him if he likes baseball."

"It's an alien baby Caboose," Church groans.

Caboose ponders for moment, "Ask him if he likes T-ball."

Church sighs, " Alien, Caboose. Alien was the key word in that sentence."

"Well," I shrug, "He's got the right idea."

Tucker says, " Seriously, don't go. I don't even know where to start."

Church the replies, "Tucker, he's part of an alien race whose only purpose, for the most part, seems to be to tell huge, grandiose lies to people, so that they can seduce them, and then impregnate them. Meia is probably one of the exceptions. So, why don't you start with that? You know, common ground."

Tucker blankly stares at Church, "Yeah I think I'll just stick to baseball."

Caboose cheerfully adds, "Tell him about how his Dad got to third base with you." Stuff like that makes me crack up.

"Caboose!" Church scolds.

"Just spend time with him Tucker," I instruct him, "Be his father man."

"Hey Jonathan!" I hear a voice shout. I turn to see Roe leaving the base with her med-kit in hand.

"I'll be right back guys," I then leave and make my way over to her.

I wave and greet "Hey, what's up?"

She explains, "I just wanted to tell you, everything's done, I'm gonna head back to my base."

I nod, "Alright."

"I would stay since I like the present company," Roe then chuckles, "But I don't know if my team is still alive or not."

I laugh, "I understand, do I need to pay you or anything?"

Roe rolls her eyes, "Jonathan, you know me, you know I wouldn't accept it even if you had to pay me."

I offer a handshake, "Thanks for coming Jacklyn, I can't imagine what it would have been like if we just let Doc handle it."

She accepts it, "It was the least I could do for a friend, but…." her smile then turns into a frown, "If anything goes wrong, you come to me straight away, alright?" I nod. She then grabs me and sternly says, "I mean it, it doesn't have to be anything wrong with the baby, if anything goes wrong call me, and I'll come and try to help okay?"

"Yeah, I will."

She then smiles and lets go of me, "See you around."

I return the smile and I murmur, "See you." She then takes off walking back to her base.

 _Linebreak_

I make my walk back to the base and I notice Tucker and his kid hangout near the cliff, I make my way over to them.

"Hey," he greets. I wave, he then asks, "So why did you leave?"

"Oh, Doc Roie was leaving, she wanted to give a few more instructions," I explain, Tucker nods in understanding. I then ask, "Where's everyone else?"

"Well," Tucker starts listing off, "Fergo is cleaning up the base was and Meia is helping Fergo, Caboose is playing around in the base, Doc is trying to fix Sheila?"

I got confused, "Wait fix her, what's wrong with her?"

"According to Church, she is apparently acting weird."

"Why did he ask Doc to help her?"

"'Cause you weren't around."

I sigh, "Whatever, where's Church now?"

"He's orientating our new recruit." Wait what?

"New recruit?"

"Her," Tucker points to in front of us. Huh, I wonder how I didn't notice that.

"The girl in yellow armor," I ask with surprise.

Tucker then explains, "Turns out she was suppose to be on Blue team, she just ended up on Red because she was Grif's sister."

I raise my eyebrows, "Really, small universe."

"Quite, I want to hear Church if the speech," we got hush up and we could faintly hear Church talking.

"Well uh, welcome to Blue Team. I guess we should probably give you uh, some kind of orientation or somethin' like that. So this is the uh, this is the base here. This is the outside of the base. ...Inside's on the inside... go through that door, right there, get to the inside. Um, there's a ramp over here, there's another one on the other side. It's kinda smaller, does the same thing though. Uh, it's got a basement, ...nuhm, there's a middle part 'n' there's a top part... got some, you know blue flags here, on the outside, 's come in handy when you're, you know tryin' to identify the colour of the base, it's blue. Anyway, that uh pretty much covers the base, so... anyway, yeah, that's it."

"It kind of sounds like he's making it up as he goes along," I murmur.

"Well dud," Tucker laughs, "It's Church!" Good point.

"You know Doc, Church, and Caboose were practically juggling her when she first arrived?"

"And you?" I ask.

Tucker laughs, "Naw man, not me, I'm in a committed relationship." He then glances at me, "And I have you to thank for it."

"Hm?"

"You're the one who introduced me to Fergo man." Oh yeah, I did.

"Oh, glad that's working out for you."

"Yeah, now I have to repay to." Wait what?

"What do you mean?" I nervously ask.

"Dude, you actually got me into a serious relationship, the least I could do is return the favor." I could only just stare at him, "The way I see it, you have three possible choices in this canyon."

"Tucker, where is this going?" I think I have an idea of where.

"Dude, I'm just saying, you clearly get along well with all of them, just talk to them," Tucker sits up straighter, "I mean come on."

Alright, I'll humor him, "Even if I did have….say….a crush on one of them…." yes, I am using fucking elementary school vocab. "I don't think it would work out."

Tucker deadpans, "At least try man, you only live once, besides, it's not like you have anything better to do."

Shit, I hate it when they're right, "Fine Tucker, I'll consider it." Tucker then nods in satisfaction.

"And this is Tucker and Lockett," we look up to see Church and the new girl. Wasn't that a name of an old show?

"Sup," Tucker greets, I just wave.

"Guys, this is Sister, she's the new recruit."

"Hey," she cheerfully greets.

"Lockett is our team leader, his job is to pretty much take care of all of us-"

Sister then interrupts, "Wait, I thought you were the leader?"

Church just sort of shuffles, "N-no, I'm-I just do most of the talking, when it actually comes down to team stuff, it's usually Lockett who takes charge."

"Cool."

Church then clears his throat, "Anyway, Tucker's job is to do….You're the a, sniper right?"

"Recon actually," Tucker clarifies, "But right now, Locket and I are just chillin'. That's the only rule on Blue Team, Rookie: be cool." Well, that's smoother than anything Church could ever accomplish.

Sister, now confused, she asks, " I thought the only rule was "don't kill the leader.""

"Yerah," Tucker nods, "But Church isn't the leader, so we end up breaking that rule all the time. That's what makes us so cool."

Sister then nods enthusiastically and says, "Awesome, on the Red Team, we make that rule-"

"Rawr, rawr rawr."

We look down and Sister cries, "Oh cool, you have a dog?"

"Dude, I seriously forgot he was here until just now," I mumble.

Tucker, somewhat offended, says, "Uh, that's not a dog, that's my kid."

"Oh, cool, you have a kid that looks like a dog?"

I just shake my head and say, "Man, that's just plain rude."

"Nice save," Church sarcastically remarks. I could practically hear Tucker gritting his teeth.

Church then turns and looks at the base, I end up looking too and we both see Caboose exiting the base.

He then gets an idea, "Hey, you know what? I think I have the perfect tour guide for you. Hey Caboose, come here!"

Sister then tells us, "I thought about having a kid once."

Tucker replies, "Oh really? It's a lot of work."

She shrugs, "Yeah, it seems like it would be hard. But I thought, you know, who wants to be known as the girl who's had seven abortions?"

Not really listening I murmur, "Mmm, that's cool." and then just like that, I realized what she just said?

"Heh, yeheah... wait, what?" Looks like Tucker had the same thought.

"What did you just say?" I asked.

She was about to answer but then Church shows up with Caboose and says, "Alright, this is Caboose. He can tell you everything you'd possibly need to know about Blue Base."

Caboose nervously asks, "Is she a mean girl, or a regular girl?"

"Caboose what did I tell you?"

Caboose answers, "That there are no regular girls?" Caboose then asks, "But Church, what about Meia and Doctor Roe?"

Church groans, "Well sometimes there are exceptions, now go wait….actually, take her to Fergo, Caboose, Fergo will show Sister around the base."

Church turns to Sister, "There is a girl in the base, her name is Fergo, she is or radio operator, Caboose will go and take you to her and she will help you get settled into the base. Alright, until then, just stick with him, ask him any questions you have, aaand just don't bother me. Or Tucker. Or Lockett. Or Fergo after she shows you around."

"What do I tell her until then?" Caboose asks.

Sister shrugs, "Well, I already know the rule."

"I hate that stupid rule!" Caboose hisses, they both then leave.

Tucker then shouts after them, " Go show her Doc and Sheila." I guess Church thought it would take longer since all they did was walk for about a minute.

Next thing I hear is Caboose saying, "The purple one is Doc, and the big one is Sheila."

"You know, I was really wishing that would take longer. ...And further away," mumbles Church. Called it.

"Who's the black one?" Sister then asks. Wait who?

"The black one?"

"Yeah, the one in the black armor? The one standing right behind you guys." Oh, I think I know.

Caboose repeats, " The black one, yeah. ...Wait, what?"

I turn around as if nothing is going on and I cheerfully great, "Hi Tex!"

She faces me and with a cheery tone as well, she says, "Hey Rocket." She's still calling me Rocket I see. Tucker, Church and Caboose just freeze up as if a Tyrannosaurus was staring at them, like that one movie.

 **Author's Note: If you have made it this far, thank you for reading. If you liked it, please show it by following the story, leaving a review is cool too. If you didn't like it, well, sorry to disappoint. See you guys next week.**


	23. Return of The Mercenary

**Author's Note: Welcome back, glad you could join me. I'll tell you one thing, this series is coming along very nicely, I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't ow Red vs. Blue.**

Return of The Mercenary

I don't get how these guys are still surprised when Tex shows up behind us. I will admit, I should have been aware of her, but you should know, hanging out with these guys for this long has made me pretty lazy. Oh, that reminds me, Tex is here! Boy did she not look happy at the sight of our new guy….girl for you PC people.

"RETREAT!" Church screams. All of a sudden the guys all take off for the base.

"Running, running, running, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap," Caboose cries. I turn back to Tex and see her chucking a grenade and then loading her rifle.

I roll my eyes and say, "I should run after them."

She moves to the right and says, "Go right ahead." I was about to take off when she grabs my arm and quickly says, "Wait." *boom* "Now go."

Man, that's sad, they're like sprinting, and I still manage to catch up with these guys in like five seconds….note to self, give these guys some PT.

I was close enough to hear Sister ask, "Who is that?"

A round hits Caboose in the arm, "Ow."

"He's kind of hot," Sister giggles.

I yell, "Tex isn't a guy, she's a girl!"

"Oh sorry," Sister apologizes, "She's a badass." Sister then adds moments later, "She's kinda hot!" I guess she's pansexual….not sure if I need to know that.

"She's actually Church's ex-girlfriend," Tucker laughs.

Sister reaches ducks down behind one of the pillars and asks, "Oh yeah? Why aren't you guys dating any more?" Odd time to ask that.

Church runs by and cries "Are you seriously asking question right now?" Looks like Church had the same thought.

Caboose commented, "Last time I was shot, I got a Purple Heart? Yeah uh I hope this time, I get a Purple Lung. You see eventually I, I hope to build an entire purple person. And we will be best friends."

"Maybe you should ask for a Purple Brain," Tucker jeers.

"You're just jealous, 'cause you have no friends," Caboose retorts.

Before they could escalate I sternly growl, "Lock it down, both of you!" Thus shutting up whatever Tucker was about to say.

He then asks, "Why is she shooting at us?"

Church answers by asking, "How do I know? And why are you acting like this is unusual?"

Tucker replies, "Well, go out there and tell her to stop."

"Yeah," Chruch sarcastically laughs, "I'll get right on that." Church then turns to me and says, "Locket, she actually talks to you and doesn't try to kill you, could do ask her?"

So it comes down to this? I roll my eyes, "Sure." I get one my radio and call Tex.

She answers, " _Hello?_ "

I look over to the guys, they were practically begging me, "Hey Tex um, they uh, they want you to stop shooting at them." My only response is a few seconds of hysterical laughter. I turn off my radio and turn back to the buys, "She says no."

Tucker mutters, "Yeah, we heard."

I then shrug, "Whatever, I'm not calling her again, I've had a pretty good streak of not pising her off, I would like to keep it that way, less work for me to deal with."

Sister then asks me, "Uh, aren't you like, the leader or something?"

"Uh yeah…." better think of something quick, "And as leader, I appoint my second in command Church….as the leading officer for this….operation." If we can even call it that.

Church snaps his head towards me and cries in shock, "What?!" He then notices the look I was giving him and he turns back to sister, "Um….I mean yeah, as second in command….I am officially appointing you, Sister, our Field Negotiator." That's one way of getting rid of-I mean testing a rookie.

"Awesome!" Sister cheers. One thing is ringing through my mind right now, does she even know what that means?

Church then continues, "Yes, congratulations we're all proud of you," no we're not. Church then informs her, "Your first job is to get Tex to stop firing at us."

"Cool." Sister then stands up into the line of fire. She screams at the top of her lungs, "Hey, Tex! Stop shooting you stupid bitch!"

Tucker deadpans, "Nice negotiating."

Oh the optimist in me, "At least she stopped firing, for now anyway."

Church then comments, "You're right, she's not firing anymore. I think that actually worked. Maybe she's outta ammo. Let me check."

"No wait Chruch-" I try to grab him but no, he stands up and is immediately shot into the head, thus leaving a standing ghost and ugly body behind.

"Or she was just reloading," I mutter. Fucking dumbass.

"Nope she still has ammo," Church muses. No shit.

"Nice recon work," Tucker sarcastically remarked.

Without ever tearing his gaze away from Tex, Church replies, "I'm going to get my body back."

"Yeah good idea," I murmur. Church then crouches down and he repossesses his body.

After a few moments he gets back up and then asks Tucker, "Hey Tucker, is my body on straight?"

Tucker replies, "Dude, I don't even know what that means."

I feel something coming, "Tex is coming," I warn.

"What?" Church and Tucker confusedly ask.

"Freeze!" Tex shouts with her rifle pointed at us….well….everyone else.

Tucker then decides to fire back, "We're already not moving. You could have just said "everyone keep doing what you're not doing.""

"Whatever," Tucker rolls his eyes.

"Tex, what is your problem?" Church angrily asks.

"My problem is that O'Malley isn't in Doc any more. He's jumped in to somebody new, and I'm not trusting' anybody, until I find out who," Tex growls.

Wait, "If you don't trust anyone-" I began.

"I like Lockett," Tex smirked, "That's why I'm gonna kill you last if it comes down to it." Kind of a cliche line.

"Tex!" Church shouts, "We know about the problem with O'Malley. We're on top of the situation."

"We are?" Tucker asks, I quickly elbow him in the gut, *grunt* "I mean, we are!"

Yeah, Tex isn't buying it, "You are? Then who did O'Malley jump in to?"

Church then replies, " Oh. Yeah I meant, I meant we were on top of everything right up until that point."

Tex scoffs, "Typical."

Sister, after such a long period a silence, asks "Who's O'Malley?" I actually forgot she was there.

Tucker basically gives her the short version, "Eah, it's just some computer program that wants to destroy the Universe. He infects people around here from time to time, but neh, it's no big deal."

"Sounds scary," Sister murmurs.

Tucker then replies, "Naw, it's all good baby, I'll protect you." Was he being sarcastic, cause if he wasn't, Fergo is going to be pissed.

Sister scoffs, "Hyeah, that's what the last guy said, and now I can't stop scratchin'."

Tucker deadpans, "Yeah, I wasn't being serious." Okay good, he wasn't being serious.

Church then says to Tex, "None of us are infected Tex, but I am a little worried about the tank. She's been actin' really weird lately. Can an A.I. implant in a ... Tex?"

"Who's the girl?" Tex asks. Looks like Tex's attention has shifted.

"Oh," I calmly reply, "She's the new cannon fod-uh I mean….she's the new recruit."

"Smooth," I hear Tucker mutter.

"Church?" Tex growls.

Church nervously replies, "Uh, yeah, she's the new recruit."

Tex then asks "You mean to tell me I'm only gone a few weeks, and you guys get yourselves a new girl?"

I take a moment to think about my answer while Church stutters, "Oh. Um…."

Tucker laughs, "Whoa. Tread lightly dude, tread lightly."

Caboose then murmurs, "You know, I wasn't actually scared, until right, just, now."

 _Linebreak_

After a few minutes of careful explaining, Tex eventually calms down. She then takes Sister for a "chat" and they leave us alone. At the same time Fergo joins us.

Church sighs, "Oh man, this is not gonna work out for us."

Tucker laughs, " Dude, are you kidding? We finally have four girls on our team. You know what that means?"

Caboose cheerfully answers, "Yeah. Co-ed softball team! I'm gonna go get my baseball racket."

Church scolds, "Tucker, I know what you're thinking, and it's not gonna happen."

Fergo suspiciously glances at Tucker, "What are you thinking Tucker? Better not be what I think it is."

Tucker laughs, "I didn't say it was for me," Tucker then points at me, "I meant for Lockett."

Fergo eyes widen in realization, "Oh yeah!" She then turns to Church, "Why not Church?"

Church immediately shoots that thought down, "Because girls can't share anything. Not even an apartment. Every time girls live together, within six months, they all hate each other, and somebody gets stuck with a twelve hundred dollar phone bill. That's fact."

I muse, "A bit stereotyping don't you think Church?"

Chruch replies, "Most stereotypes are based off reality."

"Church, I'm a girl, and I can say…." Fergo pauses, "You aren't completely wrong."

"Thank you Fergo," Church replies

Then I ask, "If that's true, then why haven't you and Tex tried to kill each other yet?"

Church nonchalantly says, "Give it time."

Tucker muses, "Well, worse case scenario I, let them fight. As long as we get to watch them making up who cares? We can even record it and sell copies to the Reds."

Fergo raises her hand, "I'm down."

I then look behind me, "Oh look!" I point behind us, "Doc's coming."

Church walks up to him and asks, "Doc, what did you find?"

Doc nervously shifts, "I, think she seems like there's something wrong."

"No shit," I mutter.

Church deadpans, "That's your diagnosis? That's why we sent you down there, man. Because we knew something was wrong."

Doc argues back, " I'm a medic, what do you want from me?"

"How about fixing her?" Church cries. Did he forget that we have an engineer on our team for that?

Doc yells back, "Well surprisingly my medical training didn't cover internal combustion."

Church rolls his eyes, "What a shitty medical school." Fergo looks over to me like she is trying to figure out why they don't remember one of my skills. I just shrug, I'm sure someone will bring it up eventually, if not, I'll just have to go down there myself.

"Yeah where'd you go, the University of Jamaica?" Tucker asks, wait what?

Doc laughs, "Oh please, I wouldn't be caught dead on that campus. I went to Jamaica State! Who's Jamaica State's Fighting Irish."

Church facepalms, "That's Notre Dame."

I mutter, "Jesus, my brain cells are dieing."

Doc then explains, "Well since we're international, we don't really have to adhere to the stringent U.S. copyright laws. So-"

Tucker cuts him off by asking,"Where did Doc Roe go to?"

"Standford," I mumble.

"And what would she say?" Tucker also asks.

This time, its Fergo who speaks up, "That we should have sent Rockett since he's our resident engineer."

"Yeah," Doc suddenly cries, "Why didn't you send Lockett?" I know why, and I can't wait to hear Church bullshit his way through it.

"Uh...I….he….um….He was busy?" Church stammers.

I guess I'll go and bail him out, "Whatever, Church, I'll go look at her later. Worst case scenario, I'll just have to reboot her."

"Reboot her?" Doc asks.

"Yeah Doc," Fergo replies, "That's how you fix broken stuff. You turn her off, and then you turn her back on again. She'll be fine."

I mutter, "That's actually not how you fix it, but whatever."

Church then counters me with, "Uh, pardon me, it works great. We already rebooted the toaster, we rebooted the teleporter..."

Tucker mutters, "Yeah, I still don't know if that thing has all the bugs worked out."

In a similar tone, Fergo adds, "It's because we don't."

Church ignores both of them and continues listing off his examples, "We even rebooted Caboose's armour once. Although, that took a lot longer to come back online than we thought it would." Yeah, these guys kind of fuck around alot when I'm not looking.

Caboose comments, a little to happily, "It was dark and I got to hold my breath. I'm pretty sure there was no side-effects."

Doc then says, "No, I mean I don't think it'll work because I'm not going back down there. She's not exactly in the best of moods." As if on cue, Sheila fires a shell in the general direction of our gathering.

"See?"

"Oh for fucks sake," I grumble, "Fuck it, I'm going down there." I turn to the guys, "I'm going to get my engineering kit, you guys don't touch anything." As I was walking to the base to get my stuff, one thing just happened to cross my mind, 'Where's Media in all this?' As if on cue, I run right into her.

"What's happening?" she asks.

"Something is wrong with the tank, Tex is pissed, and O'Malley is on the loose," I explain in a nutshell, "Basically, just another day at the office." I would think she didn't understand that phrase, but she did, I dunno, I guess she has a similar saying back at home.

"Shall I accompany you?" she offers.

Huh, that's nice of her, "Sure," I pick up my kit. I then quickly add, "We better go fast,before they send Caboose or whatever." She nods and then we both head back to Church.

Halfway to the tank I suddenly hear, "Hi Lockett!" I almost jumped before I realized it was just Caboose.

"Hey guys, what's going on?" I greet my team. Well, my team minus Fergo, Tucker, Doc, and Sister. I'm not worried because I'm sure one of them will tell my what happened later on.

"Isn't that the female alien from Tucker's quest?" Tex asks.

I look over to Meia and then back to Tex, "Oh right! Um, Tex, this is Meia, she will be staying with us while a ship from her planet comes to pick her up."

Before Tex can ask something else, Church says, "Anyway, as I was saying Tex, Caboose is gonna be up front talking to her, and then her while Lockett is working. If anything goes wrong, I need you to sneak around the back, access the panel, and shut her down."

Tex nods, "Okay, I'll do it." That was easy.

Even Church is confused, " Uh- wha- that's it? You will? No bargaining? No ridiculous demands?"

Tex shrugs and answers, "No. I'm trying to find O'Malley and his friend. In a way, you guys are helping me. If anyone should be making demands it should be you."

Church takes a moment to process the news, " Oh well in that case we wan-"

"Forget it, the deals done."

"Dammit." Haha.

Caboose raises his hand and asks, "Hum, how should I distract Sheila?"

I reply, "Caboose, just talk to her and keep her attention, I;m doing most of the work."

Caboose shuffles his feet, " I don't know, uh... we kinda have a history? Ea, she may not want to talk to me."

Church scoffs, "So? Tex and I have a history, doesn't mean we can't be professional and hold a conversation."

"I wouldn't exactly call them conversations," Tex retorts.

Church growls, "Hoh, get off my back woman, can't you see I'm working here?"

Tex jeers, "Please, you call this working?"

Caboose then adds in his thoughts, "See, e- this is exactly what could happen with me and Sheila. Only with more getting shot by tanks." This is way more like a Soap opera then I would ever like it to be.

Church rolls his eyes, "Caboose, if that happened, I'm sure the shell would just bounce off you and land on me somehow. Just smooth talk her."

"Smooth talk her?" I ask incredulously.

"I don't know how to do that," Caboose responds.

"Is this what planning is like for you?" Meia whispers to me.

"Yeah," I murmur, "It is."

Church throws his arms up, "Just tell her she's pretty, or that she's got that new-tank smell or something. Compliment her treads, it doesn't matter."

I then ump in, "Caboose, you won't even have to do much of anything if my part goes without a hitch."

"See?" Church replies, "Exactly."

"I don't know…." caboose murmurs.

"Caboose, it's easy. Look here," Church points at Tex, "Just practice on Tex, she's -womanish."

"Excuse me?" Tex asks in surprise.

Church growls, "Do you want Caboose to run decoy for you and Lockett, or do you wanna try this on your own?" As if on cue, a shell from Sheila explodes right behind Tex.

"I see your point."

Church turns to Caboose, "Go ahead."

Caboose shackley starts, "Hello Tex."

"Dude, you will not believe what Doc just pulled off," Tucker shouts as he walks over to us.

I turn to him, "Tucker, sshh! Don't interrupt."

"Interrupt what?" he asks and I point to the rehearsal before us.

He then silently watches the display, " Tex, I think you are pretty, and you haven't hurt my body in a long time? So I was hoping that we could talk and be friends maybe and hold hands, and you would go with me? And when you went with me, you would be my real girlfriend." Man, that was just….no.

Tex as if in pain, replies, "I think that would be, nice, Caboose. We should, definitely, do that."

Tucker shifts his looks from Caboose to Tex and the cries, "What the hell? Tex have you gone crazy? If you wanna get with somebody get with Lockett, the love doctor! He's a real man! He will rock your fucking world." We all just blankly stare in silence.

Tex glances over to Church to whom replies, "Hey, don't look at me, he's not part of the plan." Tex then proceeds to punch Tucker in the gut.

While he doubles over, Tucker cries, "Ow! What is going on around here!?"

Caboose winces and says, "I don't think I'm going to use Tucker's "rock your world" line. I think I'm gonna stick with my own material."

"Good idea Caboose," I mutter.

 _Linebreak_

"Hey Sheila," I greet.

"Hello Srgt. Lockett. It is good to see you again. Why are you here?"

"I'm just here to run a check up on your systems, is that alright with you?"

"Of course," Sheila replies, "Keeping me battle ready will definitely benefit you in the future!"

"Right." As I get myself set up in the tank, I turn to my other companions, "Caboose, Meia, you two keep watch while I check over Sheila." They both nod, right when I was about to get started, my radio goes off. As soon as get in, dust flies everywhere, I mean, there was like a centimeters worth of dust on everything, well fuck me!

"God damnit," I grab my radio, "This is Lockett go ahead."

"Hey Rocket!" Fergo greets. "Tex and Sister came back."

"Oh, that's cool," I mumble half listening, "They talk about anything interesting?" Why the fuck are there wires everywhere?

"Supposedly Tex gave Sister the 'girl talk'."

"Girl talk?" I ask while pull out about two feet worths of wiring out from behind the control panel.

"Well, I recorded it for you" I pause for a moment to listen to the explanation. "Oh, she was just talking about everyone here. How you're all idiots and jerks, but you guys are her idiots and jerks, and if I try to become more popular than her she would talk about me behind my back, and turn everyone against me, and then I would cry, and everyone would hate me... you know, girl stuff!"

"Excuse, my brain just died," I mumbled.

Fergo laughs, "I know right, and Tucker thought this would be a good girl for you. Ha!" More groaning. "He definitely changed his mind after that."

"Whatever, where is she now?" I ask while I unscrew the service panel to the mainframe.

"Well she's with Doc getting a physical." Huh, I wonder.

"Do I want to know?"

I can hear her sigh, "I don't know man, Doc asked her if they wanted to go somewhere she would be comfortable taking off all her cloths and she agreed. So either he's fucking her, or he's legitly giving her a physical."

"Which is it?"

"Don't know yet, as far ass I can tell….I don't hear screaming yet."

I shake the thought of, "Whatever." I then type a few commands into the command console thus bringing up a readout of the data in the hard drive. "Tell Church I am running a diagnostic on Sheila's hard drive, if anythings wrong I'll let you know."

"Got it man." With that, she got off the radio.

I took this time to "Man, seeing the tank like this makes my eyes hurt." Seriously, man, the tanks a fucking mess. I climb out of the tank to get some air, the dust was killing me. I climb out to see quit the scene.

" Hello, Sheila. How are you doing?" Caboose shakily greets.

"Oh, hello Caboose. Actually, I'm not functioning at my optimal capacity. My internal diagnostics indicate I am having mechanical issues."

I then say, "Yeah, I'm running a system scan right now, we'll be able to find out if anything is wrong."

"Thank you Srgt. Lockett." Sheila then shifts her attention back to Caboose "How are you Caboose?"

"Um…." Caboose stammers.

I slightly nudge him and whisper, "Say good."

"Uh, good. Really good. Ubud-pretty good. I am great. I am absolutly perfect."

"That's too good," I hear Church whisper, I look over and I see him hiding behind a rock.

As I bend of and pick my tools, Sheila says, "You distracted Caboose." This might be a problem.

"Uh, I am not distracted, I'm not distracted, I am distracting, see, that's different 'cause I'm doing it to you!"

"What?" Sheila, Church, and I all say.

" I mean I'm very distractable! Aheah, with a high degree of distract-ivity...ness." Caboose then clears his throat.

"Change the subject!" Church hisses.

"Okay! Sheila, have you seen Tex?" I jump up and look behind Sheila to where Tex was.

"What?" Sheila confusedly asks.

"Sheila do you know what my favourite thing to do is? Not look behind myself. You should try not doing that."

"Caboose!" I hiss.

"Do you like to collect stamps?"

Church then says, "Hey Caboose? I think it's wrong for us both to die because you're an idiot, so I'm gonna take off now, okay I'll see ya bye."

Caboose glances at Church running away and whimpers, "Please don't go."

"I'm not leaving," Sheila replies a little confused.

"Oh good," Caboose murmurs. All I can do as watch as Meia slowly moves behind a rock.

"Caboose, you are acting strangely. And I would like to find out why." By now I'm slowly backing away. Caboose freezes.

Sheila then says, " Caboose, the Omega A.I. has been missing, and everyone has been attempting to find him. If you continue to act erratically, they may mistakenly think he is inside of you, and take drastic measures against you."

"Well that's not good," I reply.

Sheila then says, "Exactly," she then focuses on Caboose, " Luckily, I know where Omega is."

"Really? Where?" I ask.

" He is inside Bluuuuuuoooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrr..."

Caboose looked at the not powered down tank and asks, "Who is Blurrr? ...Blerrrr."

"Got it!" Tex shouts.

"Really Tex?!" I shout.

"What?"

"All that worked I put in to set up the system san! Thanks!"

Tex sheepishly replies, "Oh, sorry."

 **Author's note: Thank you for reading. Leave any criticism in the review box if there was something you think I can improve on. Please follow the story if you liked it, see you next week.**


	24. Preparations and Planning

**Author's Note: So….welcome back, new chapter. I'm sorry I took so long to get this chapter out, I decided to take a small break this weekend. No, I will not increase my update speed over winter break….okay I might, but we'll see. I hope you enjoy the chapter.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.**

Preparations and Planning

"Let me get this straight," Chruch then slowly repeats or request back to us, "You want us to turn her back on again. After we just went through all that trouble to shut her down."

"But she knows where O'Malley is," Caboose tries to reason.

"Maybe she was lying. How could she possibly know that?" Church then turns to Tex and asks, "What do you think Tex, can we turn her back on again? Disable her guns or something'?"

Tex gives him a frustrated glare, "Not a chance, she's a wreck back here. I'm not even sure how she was operational anyway."

"I can second that opinion," I also ask.

"Well Rocket, can't you do anything?" Fergo asks, "You're our engineer."

I shake my head, "It's old equipment we're working with," I mutter, "If it was more maintained then it is now, sure, but I can't in the condition she's in. Not soon anyway."

"Well, then how long?" Church asks. Here's something I havn't done in a while, I pull out a cigaret and light it.

"I thought you quit," Fergo muses.

"What's he doing?" I hear Meia quietly ask Fergo.

Fergo quickly answers, "Just a human habit." Luckily, the vague answer seemed to satisfy the alien warrior.

"Only for special occasions like this," I smirk and then take a drag.

"How long?" Church asks again.

I sigh, "5 days, and that's being optimistic." That answer made everyone pretty upset.

"5 days!?" a shocked Tex asks,

"We'll be dead by then!" Church cries.

"3 days if I divert all my time to it…." I am hesitating to say this part….but fuck it, "...But, that would mean diverting time away from babysitting your children. "

"Are you serious?!" Church shouts.

"Guys, the fact Sheila is leaving running at the capacity she is now is a mystery." I shake my head and continue, "If I go in and do what you asked me to do, I can't guarantee that something won't go wrong, hell, her systems were sensitive back then, imagine all that lack of maintenance she has accumulated."

"So you can't just like disable the gun?" Church asks.

"Not without the risk of damaging something else," these guys don't seem to get it, "If I accidently break something in there, that's gonna disable our tank for longer Church. Sheila already needs at least a week's worth work and you want to add more to it?!" I pause for a few moments, gotta have that dramatic pause guys, "If a part breaks, Sheila is effectively disabled."

"So what if a part breaks, can't you just fix it or something?" Tex asks.

"The only two options we have are: I try to order/request new parts from command, I'm sure we know how well that's gonna go." Everyone nods glumly in agreements, "Or, I can try to weld it together."

Fergo then in a surprised voice asks, "You know how to weld?"

I level my hand basically saying kind of, I then roll my eyes, "t could work, but chances are it might make the situation worse."

Caboose then jumps up and says, "Oh, I know, uh, we could put her inside my head! Like O'Malley. I've got lots of extra room in there."

Church sarcastically replies, "Yeah, I bet, and, no. She's not that kind of A.I."

I add in as well, "Yeah kid, Sheila is a dumb A.I., meaning that she is basically a box computer pre-programmed for a specific function and then duct taped to the thing it's programed for."

Tex then suggests, "She could only be moved over, if we had a similar class of vehicle."

Church takes a moment to think about it, "Yeah, if only we had some other kind of big vehicle that we could move her into. We can't use the warthog 'cause that doesn't have anything…" Church's gaze soon finds the crashed ship. "Wait a minute... Tex the ship? Could we move her into one of those on-board computers?"

Tex ponders the suggestion, "We could, but we would need a hardline," she throws me a glance and asks, "Do we have anything like that?"

"I could check, otherwise I don't know," I reply.

"Church wait!" Tucker screams as he runs out of the base to us. "I just wanted to say," he gasped, "I got a hardline Tex can use. Bow chicka bow wow."

Tex just gaped, "How did you even hear that?"

Fergo smiles with pride, "Phh, you even need to ask? He's like Superman, he knows when he's needed." Tucker raises his hand in a hi-five to which Fergo gladly returns.

"A need for stupid sex puns," I mutter.

"Right, well I'm going to go and find that wire," Tex turns and asks me, "Where is it?"

"Garage," I reply, and with that, she was off.

 _10 minutes later…._

Oh look, there's gonna be a new _Borderlands_ , I should make plans so that I can to my job and play a shit ton...no promises.

As I turn flip another page, Tex comes over to us and says, "Alright, I got her hooked up. Transfer should take a while."

Church then asks, "Um, are we sure we wanna put her in this ship?"

Tex replies, "Mm, it's still flyable, but I'm gonna remove the ignition coil just to be sure. If O'Malley is in her somewhere, they aren't goin' anywhere without it."

Without even looking up from the magazine, I say, "If it does go wrong, I did recommend an attempt at moving her to a laptop."

Church then looks back at Tex and asks, "You want me to hold it?"

Tex with a chuckle incredulously asks, "Are you kidding?"

Church sighs and mutters, "It was worth a shot."

Tex then turns on her radio and asks Caboose who is at the moment inside the ship, "Hey Caboose? How's it goin' in there?"

"Looks good. Although I have to tell you the ship looks a lot bigger on the inside than the outside," Caboose replies.

Tex then asks, "How's the readout?"

Caboose responds with what he sees, "Well, all the red lights are red, and all the blue lights are blue." I think it's good enough.

Tex replies, "Okay, when the green lights turn green, and the red lights turn black, I want you to get a hold of me right away."

Caboose slightly confused asks, "Uh okay. Uh, what about the blue lights?"

"The blue lights don't matter."

"Then why do the-"

Tex quickly interrupts, "Okay, okay thanks Caboose, good job!"

 _Sometime later…_

Well what do you know, Church is in another argument with Tex….AGAIN! Who didn't see that coming?

"You can't just show up here and start bossing people around, Tex. Bossing people around is my job. I put in the time," Church complained, also, no, its not his job, it's my job.

"That's not your job Church," Tex laughs. "It's Lockett's, he just lets you boss people around." Church just grumbled something inaudible. Tex gets back on topic, "Anyway, I had to leave, I found Wyoming."

"Yeah, Lockett and Tucker told me about it, what happened?" Church asks. The only reason I even attend these team meetings are because, 1: I have to since I';m team leader, and 2: there's a slight chance that we may actually talk about something important, this is one of those times.

"I thought I tracked him back to O'Malley. But, by the time York and I got there-"

"York- your old freelancer buddy? Was Carolina with him?" CHurch asks.

"Great, more mercenaries," I laugh, "I hope they are more….respectable than the ones I've seen."

Tex gives me a confused look, "You've only meet two."

"Exactly," I reply finally glancing over to the pair, "One was an asshole, the other even though was nice, still willing to do anything for money. I don't know if that changed, but you sure made one hell of an impression when we first meet."

"You still haven't gotten over that?" Tex raises her eyebrow.

"No, I have," it's true, I have gotten over my animosity over Freelancers….well….maybe just Tex, "Doesn't change that fact you used Caboose as target practice and then set your rampant A.I. on us." Before the situation could get more heated Church quickly changes the topic.

"Was Carolina with him?" Church asks again.

"She was already dead," Tex replies.

"And what about Bermuda?" Caboose asks.

"That's not a state," Church retorts.

"Portland?"

"Shutup!" Church growls. God damnit Caboose, you set Chruch off again.

"But he still had Delta," Tex continued.

"Delta; the A.I.? How? I thought they took them- wait a minute wait a minute, how was he even still alive? Aren't we hundreds of years in the future?"

"I thought it was because of his armor. You know all the freelancer suits had some kind of enhancement." That's not why, the truth is a lot more simple.

"Right, like your invisibility."

"And, horrible meanness," Caboose also adds.

I laugh, "No kid, that's natural." Caboose then nods his head in understanding.

Tex then explains, "York's was some kind of healing mechanism. It would help him recover from wounds in battle. I thought it might have kept him alive all these years. But after I found Wyoming, I knocked him out and downloaded logs from his helmet. There's somethin' going on Church, with a lot of people working against us."

"Well what did Wyoming say when he woke up?" I ask.

"He didn't, before I could interrogate him, he teleported away. One second he was there, and the next he was gone."

"What about the second after that?" Caboose asks.

"Can I kill him?" Tex asks us.

"Caboose," I sigh, "Just stop."

Church without even second glancing, replies, "No, I'm saving him in case we ever need him for food.

"Church!" I shout.

Church ignores me and asks, "So, Wyoming's armor lets him teleport?"

Tex shakes her head, "I don't think so. I think someone grabbed him from somewhere else."

"How is that possible? The only technology I know that could do that is-" Church then has an epiphany, "...Wait a minute. Each freelancer had an enhanced suit of armor and an A.I., right?"

"Right," we all reply.

"Your armor was invisibility, and your A.I. was Omega."

"Right."

"Wrong," answers Caboose. "Oops, missed that one, can we go back?" Caboose asks me, I shake my head.

Church then asks, "What was Wyoming's A.I.?"

"Gamma." ….Oh, don't tell me….

"Huughh," Church groans, "I gotta make a phone call." Church then turns to me and asks, "Can I use your Sta. Phone?"

"Sure," I pull it out and toss it to him. Church catches it and immediately starts dialing the number to O'malley's old fortress….That reminds me, how does Church have his number? I didn't know O'Malley had a working phone, pros of being a computer I guess.

*ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring*

"Hello?" a familiar robotic voice answers.

Church replies, "Hello, this is Church Gary. Or should I call you Gamma. Have you been lying to us?"

"Lying is such a shisno concept. I mean human concept."

"You're a computer, I thought computers can't lie." Really Church, that's such a stupid question.

"They can if they are programmed to lie."

"Were you programmed to lie?"

"... no..."

"God damnit."

"It's pretty obvious he was lying there Chruch," I tell him.

"I know," he whispers.

"I have to go, Church."

"Wait a minute, what about the Aliens, how do we-" *click*

"Church, I'm pretty sure he's with O'Malley."

Church lets out another sigh, "I know." Church then starts dialing another number "Here let me try another number."

*ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring*

"Hello, ringading, Blue Base, come in, let's go hello, come in," Vic Jr. cheerfully answers.

"Yeah Vic I-"

Vic Jr. immediately cuts Chruch off, "I was actually about to call Sergeant Lockett right now! Everything been goin' good yeah that's great listen don't have much time to talk, uh been discussing things here at Blue Command, we think everything is bad, and now is the time to go attack the Red Base. Turns out the Reds are up to no good, and somebody needs to kill 'em. A good way to do that might be to send some people through the caves, yeah, take 'em by surprise, anyway, can't talk, gotta go, seeya la vista."

"Waitasecond waitasecond wait-" *click* "Why do people keep hanging up on me!?" Church screams.

I roll my eyes, "Whatever, let's go get the others."

"Right," Tex replies.

 _Linebreak_

"Alright," I announced, "Vic called...sort of.

"Yeah, he is definitely the one person we love to hear from," Tucker sarcastically remarks.

"I honestly forgot he existed," murmured Tex.

"What did he want this time?" Fergo asks.

I look over to Church, "You want to tell them?"

Church steps forward, "Vic said we should attack the Red base right away. I don't know why but, I guess we're gonna do it."

"Attack?" Tucker asks, "Shouldn't we call soldiers or the military for something like that?"

"Isn't that what you are?" Meia asked.

Tucker nods, "You're right," yhe then turns back to Church, "I meant real soldiers. Which we…." he points to pretty much the entire group, "...Are not."

Everyone then stares at me for confirmation, I sigh, "Yeah, that's what we're doing, I know, it's stupid."

Church then adds, " And for some reason he thinks it's a good idea for some of us to go through the caves."

"Why?" Tex asks.

Church shrugs, "I don't know, who cares?"

I shake my head and Church, "Whatever, Tex, Church, Tucker. You guys on we, we're gonna cut right through the middle."

"Whatabout my kid, he can't battle?!" Tucker cried.

Church quickly adds, "Doc, Sister and Junior, you guys go get lost in the caves."

"Oh," Tucker murmurs.

Meia steps forward, I ask, "Yes Meia?"

"I wish to go with the second group into the caves, I don't trust the hatchling in the hands of…." she motions to Doc and Sister, "...Them."

Church then finishes, "We'll find you after the battle's over. Unless we die, in which case we won't find you, and you're gonna have to find us. And if that happens I want to be buried as far away as possible from these two," Church points at Caboose and Sister.

Tucker laughs, "Yeah, and I wanna be stuffed and put on a couch with a cooler full of' beer, a bag full of cheese puffs, non-stop reruns of Baywatch and- ah, you know what, it's all in my will."

"Mind if I join you?" Fergo smirks.

"Go right a head," Tucker welcomes.

Caboose raises his hand and asks, "What about me? Can I get lost too?"

Tex answers, "No Caboose, I need you to stay here and watch Sheila."

"Yeah, if the transfer gets interrupted we might lose her altogether," Church warns.

"Oh, that would be bad," Caboose muses.

"Right, otherwise how would you accidentally kill people?" Church jokes.

"Hmm, well I suppose I could always-"

"Shut up that was rhetorical," Church turns to Tucker and I, "Tucker, Lockett, come on, let's get going."

"Right, oh and Fergo?" Fergo faces me, "Fergo, you stay with Caboose, if anything goes wrong, you radio me, Tex, or Church right away. Hell, even radio Tucker if you have to."

She nods, "Got it."

"When should we go?" Doc asks.

Church ponders for a moment then decides to just bull shit and answer, "Dhe-a- I don't care. Just be ready to come running with the cavalry if we start screaming in pain. Unless Tucker starts screaming in pain, in which case, you know, feel free to point and laugh."

Tucker walks over to Jr. and kneels down until he is at eye level with the child and takes off his helmet, " Well little dude, I guess there's a time when every little boy becomes a man."

"Tucker, he's only three days old," Doc reminds.

"They grow up so fast," sniffles Tucker as he looks on in pride. Fergo Walks up next to him and matches his stare.

"Also he's not a boy, he's a grub," Church growls.

Discriminate much Chruch?" I smirk.

Tucker then gives Jr. 'the talk,' "The point is, you're on your own now, and I don't have time to tell you everything you need to know. So here's a few brief pointers. Invest in real estate, there's no such thing as a permanent record, always eat breakfast, all the girls on the internet are actually dudes, and you should never, ever buy the extended warranty on anything. Ever. Oh also, chicks like it when you tell them they're pretty, but they also like it when you're kind of a dick to 'em. So mix it up a little."

I checked the time on my watch then grabbed Tucker's shoulder "Tucker we gotta go."

"Okay little dude, I gotta go now. Tex needs me and Church to back her up." Tucker then gets back up.

"Bow chicka honk honk," Jr. happily replies.

"Huh, should have seen that coming," I mumbled with a perplexed look on my voice.

"Aww!" squeals Fergo, "He takes after you!"

Doc raises his eyebrows, "Hunh, I guess you have been teaching him some stuff."

Tucker blanches, "Teach? You don't teach that. That shit's genetic."

"Of course!" smiles Meia, "Children tend to take after the father more."

"She get's it!" Tucker grins at me, I just smile and roll my eyes.

I then remind him, "Come one lets go."

"Wait!" Fergo cries out, Tucker turns and Fergo pulls him into a deep kiss. Her smile then disappears and is replaced with a serious frown, "Be careful Tucker."

Tucker nods, "I will," and with that, we all took off in opposite directions. Tucker and I to the cliff, Caboose and Fergo back to base, and the others into the caves.

 _On the cliff…._

"Church and I are observing Tex approaching the Red base, me with my binoculars, Church with his sniper rifle.

"I don't see anything at all. It's like they're all hiding or somethin'," Church complains.

"Uh, what do you see?" Tucker awkwardly asks.

"I just said I don't see anything, I just said that," Church asks.

He then turned to Tucker and asks, "Where's your sniper anyway?"

"I left it back at base," Tucker sheepishly replies while twiddling his thumbs.

Church then grumbles, "Oh yeah boo hoo, all you've got is your stupid awesome sword, I feel so sorry for you."

"Come on dude, just once. Let me use it, just one time, I won't ever ask again! Pleeeeeeeease? Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease," Tucker begged.

"What are you four?" I mutter.

"Can I use the sword?" Church asks.

Tucker shouts, "Oh hell yes!"

" Fine, here," Church slings his rifle and hands it over to Tucker while Tucker hands over his Sword."

"Oh kickass! Heh heh!" Tucker cheers, then he frowns, " Okay no, wait, how do I zoom? I'm zoomed! Dude, what is up with your settings? They are all like set to the lowest, why?"

"Hey Tucker, the sword doesn't even work. What a fuckin' gyp," Church complains.

"Dude, I'm having trouble focusing the scope because of how badly you maintained this," Tucker groans. Yeah, Church like knows nothing about weapon maintenance, then again, the only reason Tucker knows was because I gave him the sniper rifle's manual.

Church turns back to Tucker, "Okay, whatever dude, just don't-" *boom*

My head immediately snaps back to the two behind me, "What the fuck was that?!"

"What the fuck, did you just fire that thing?" Church cried.

"Oops! That was an accident," Tucker answers.

"We're s'posed to be sneaking up on 'em, dumbass. They're gonna hear us, gimme it back," shouts Church.

Tucker looks up from the scope with a look of fear evident on his face, he murmured, "Yeah, take it back." Tucker then quickly shoves the rifle back into Church's arms.

"I knew there was a reason I didn't let you use this thing all these year-" Tucker takes a step to the side as Tex comes running up. Why is Tex back here oh…. "Hey, Tex, what're you doing back?" Tex narrows her eyes and then….she right hooks Church in the face. "OW! What the fuck did I do!?"

"Asshole!" Tex shouted.

Tucker straight up lies, " I told him to be careful with that thing, he's just not very good with it."

"Idiots," I mutter. I bet Tucker shot her in the ass or something. "Hey! We're moving out!"

 _Short time later…._

"Well, here we are, officially taken Red base," I announce, "Though it is weird why no one's here standin' guard."

"Alright well, Lockett, I guess let's break up into teams and search the base," suggested Church.

I nod, "Agreed."

*radio noises*

I turn on my comns., "Locket."

"Hey, Rocket, it's me!" Fergo answered.

"Sheila is online."

I nods, "Alright, I'll go get Tex." I turn off my radio and call out to Tex, "Hey Tex! Sheila's on." Tex nods and then gets on her radio.

I then walk over to the others, "This is weird, what do you guys make of all this?" I ask.

"It looks like the Reds pulled out. Does that mean we win?" Tucker asks.

Church muses, "I s'pose so. I guess we have, two bases, in the middle of a box canyon now."

"Whoopdie fuckin' doo," Tucker mutters, he then turns and ask me, "Lockett what do you think? Did the Reds run?"

I ponder for a moment, "I don't know, they could have," I then turn back to them, "But what drove them out? And is it coming back?"

"Tex, what do you think?" Church calls back. We didn't get a response, "Tex?" We turn around and see….

*click*

"Don't move, O'Malley," Tex growls, her rifle aiming directly at….me….

"Aww, shit," I curse.

 **Author's note: Thank you for reading my story, I hope you like it, if you didn't like it, sorry. If you haven't down so yet, please follow and favorite, that would be pretty cool. Leave any comments you may have, like what you like, or maybe some advice on how I should continues, that would help.**


	25. All in Good Time

**Author's Note: Merry Christmas. I am sorry I couldn't get the chapter out sooner, I was spending my holidays with my family. I hope you guys had a wonderful Christmas (And other holiday you celebrate in December). Have a happy New Years guys, and I hope you enjoy my chapter!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.**

All in Good time

"Tex, what did I do to you that warranted this course of action?" I ask calmly, being calm is key, I'm tempted not to take the gun and jam it down her throat. That's the Army Ranger training talking not me. I actually don't know how far I would get in that plan, probably not far.

"O'Malley I said don't move!" Tex snarled, what is she a dog.

"Tex, I'm not O'Malley."

"Bullshit," Tex growled, "It all makes sense now! You slowly gaining the affection of the team to take eyes off of you. You uh…." Tex seems to stumble on her words at that moment.

"You can't think anything to incriminate me with cna you?" I ask with a deadpan tone. Tex thinks hard for a few seconds, she then gives in and shakes her head. I roll my eyes, I then turn my head and then glance over to Church. "You know," I began, "I wasn't always the team leader, and even then, I don't make all the plans, Church does." Tex's eyes widen in realization, or, at least I think they do.

"You're right…." she mumbles. Tex them shifts the rifle and aims it at Church, "Don't move O'Malley!"

Church groans, "Oh dear lord, Tex, I'm not O'Malley either!"

"Bulshit!", this time, Tex actually had evidence against him, " It all makes sense now. You were the one that told Gary where we were, you were the one that wanted me to disable Sheila by moving her to the ship, and you wanted the ignition coil once I'd removed it."

To Church's defence, he replies, "That's all coincidental. It doesn't make me evil. Just makes me a bad leader." Yeah, that makes sense.

"Why would Caboose tell me it was you?" Tex asked. How did she do that with a straight face?

"You're getting information from Caboose?" Church incredulously asks.

Tex turns on the radio's speaker and Caboose chirps, "Thaaat's right!" I guess when you say it like that it sounds weird.

"You know," time to add in my thoughts, like usual, "It kind of makes sense." Church and Tucker just stare at me like you would expect them to. "What?" I asked, "There's no way Caboose would have said that as confident as he did if he knew it was true." Tucker seemed to buy it, Chruch….well….it's Church.

Church lets out a sigh and says to Caboose, through the radio for you slow people, I like to think my readers are smart, but there's always that one guy, "Dude, I'll tell you what. If you get me killed again, I gotta tell ya, this time I'm gonna be a little pissed."

I lean over to Tucker and whisper, "It's not like he could do much anyway." Tucker snickers at this.

Caboose then replies, "Sheila told me that O'Malley might be inside Blue Leader."

"And stays you," Tex says to Church.

I roll my eyes and say, "That answer is vague enough that it could mean anyone who was in charge, like…." what was his name?

Before I can finish, Chruch cuts in, "Yeah, plus Sheila's crazy, remember? Besides, even though I was promoted to Blue Leader, I barely held that title for an hour, so I technically don't count."

"Church, who was the guy that lead Blue team before you?" I ask.

Church's eyes then widened, "Holy shit, it's Captain Flowers."

There's a nagging thought in my mind, "Isn't that the guy you ODed?"

Church groans, "Yes."

I just slightly nod and then respond in a condescending manner, "Okay. Um Church, he's dead."

Church glares at me and says, "I know! Maybe he got brought back to life or something!"

"And how would that have happened?" Tex asks.

Church, then seems to realize we weren't believing him, "I am not O'Malley, I'm telling you, it's Flowers."

Tucker laughs, "Liar, Flowers is dead."

"Church," I'm not against him, I just wanna say how dumb his idea is, "Even if Flowers came back as a ghost, how could he be O'Malley?"

Church then angrily shouts, "hen what happened to the Reds, Tucker? Locket? Where did they go? I certainly didn't sneak over here and scare them off in my spare time, when I wasn't dealing with you, your girlfriend, and Tex, and the alien, and that new yellow freak, and that stupid disgusting kid of' yours."

"Technically I wa dealing with that Church." I correct.

"SHUTUP!" Church screamed. ….Okay.

Tucker backs up a little, "Okay, okay. Man, I hope if Flowers is alive that he doesn't want his armor back. Hey, what's up with the Reds?"

Tex finally lowers her rifle and she looks around, "Yeah, where are they?"

"That's a good question," I murmur.

Church then groans and starts listing out possibilities, "Who knows. Maybe it's lunch time. Maybe the Red army doesn't pay overtime and they all just went home."

Tex discards the last suggestion, "All their stuff is here. I don't think they evacuated." Something's not right.

Church takes notice of my concern, "You alright Lockett?"

I shake my head, "Somethings wrong, I feel like we're being watched."

Tucker, not really caring for an answer, asks "What do you think Tex?"

Tex ignores Tuckers tone and replies, "I think we may have walked right into a-"

"A trap?" a new voice asks. Are heads all turned, of course i'm the only one who brings up his gun, not that it matters anyway, Wyoming already had his gun trained on us, mainly Tex.

"Wyoming," Tex growled.

Church then points out, "Okay see? Now, if I was O'Malley, I would've known that was gonna happen."

I sigh and turn to face him, "Chruch, just shutup man."

"I wonder why he hasn't asked for our guns yet?" Tucker whispers to me.

I whispered back, "He doesn't think we're competent enough to sue them."

Tucker silently chuckles, "Over confident much?" With a smirk on my face, I raise my hand to 'shush' him.

"Wyoming," Tex greets, sort of.

Wyoming tips his helmet and greets, "Ah yes, hello Tex. So sorry to sneak up on you when you were busy quarrelling about, well whatever it is exactly you people do here. I'm guessing some kind of ditch digging or something."

Tucker groans, "Blue Team doesn't even have shovels. Which kinda sucks because our guys are the ones who keep dying."

I give Tucker a look as I remind him, "Tucker, we do have shovels."

Tucker looks at me in surprise, "We do?!"

I nod, "Yeah. We buried Church and Tex with them remember? The First time."

Tucker looks down as he recalls the memory, and then he mumbles, "Oh yeah, I forget."

"And it looks like that trend is going to continue," Wyoming laughs as he raises his rifle….again.

"Ahuh-huh-huh excuse me." Damn it Church, you could tell that was fake. I think he turned on his radio….but I don't know.

"So Wyoming, you just showed up here and decided to attack us," Church….um….kind of announced….loudly, and slowly.

"Why yes, of course," Wyoming confidently replies.

"And now you've caught us at gunpoint, and it looks like we're in big trouble."

Wyoming nods, "That's right."

"Lockett, what's he doing?!" Tex worriedly whispers, Tucker looks at me with the same worried look. I wave them off, doesn't change the fact they still look worried.

"Here at Red Base. Wyoming. You found us and are holding us prisoner. At the Red base. Wyoming." He must be on the radio, *sigh* god dammit Caboose.

Wyoming, this looks a bit confused, but he still answers, "Um….why yes, of course."

"If only someone nearby, someone with access to a tank, somehow knew what was going on and could help us. Someone for instance, in blue armor. Who somehow knew about the situation, and figured out what the fuck other people were talking about, and tried to fucking help us, and then we would be saved." I really hope Fergo is getting this.

Wyoming the asks, "Why do you keep explaining things to me? I understand the situation perfectly. I ambushed you, you're quivering in fear."

Tucker turns and asks as well, "Yeah, what are you, the narrator now or something?"

Church explains, " I just want everyone to be on the same page about Wyoming, ambushing us, at the Red base."

With emphasis on each word, Tucker replies, "We know."

"Wyoming. The bad guy."

"We, know!" Tucker screams. I don't think Tucker is getting it.

"And we're here at the Red base. Which isn't the Blue base. Or the caves, or the cliffs, or that weird tree, or the windmill."

"We get it dude, we're standing right here," Tucker cries. Here I am at Red Base. Standing off to the side. Looking away. Pretending I don't know these people.

"Maybe we should take this from the top. Do you wanna write this down?"

"NO!"

Church looks over to me for help, I reply, "No, you wrote yourself into this corner, I am not bailing you out."

Wyoming turns to the rest of us and comments, "I think your friend here has lost his marbles."

Tucker growls, "Oh, you wanna see crazy, wait until you try to take my fucking kid. What do you want with him, anyway? He never did anything to you."

Wyoming laughs, evilly, "It's not what he did, it's what he's going to do. That child is very special." How vague.

Tucker lets out a sigh, "Yeah, I know. I guess I should have read to him more, or something." LOL.

Wyoming sternly cries, "Not that kind of special, you half-wit. I mean he's important."

Church then grabs his mic. and angrily cries, "Red Base. No one is in the State of Wyoming!"

Ignoring Church, Wyoming explains to Tucker, "That little alien of yours has a very important destiny to fulfill. And we're going to make sure he does it."

"Well he's not here, so guess what," Tucker taunts, "You're shit outta luck."

Wyoming replies, "I'm well aware; my partner's taking care of that little acquisition right now. I'm just here to tidy up a bit."

I then ask, "Just out of curiosity, how'd you sneak up on us anyway?" I turn and face Tex, "Tex, I thought you were s'posed to be good at this stealth stuff."

She simply replies, "I am." She then immediately cloaks.

Tucker rolls his eyes, "Wow, that's awesome. Good for you."

Wyoming sarcastically frets, "Oh no, Tex has gone invisible. Whatever shall I do. Fretting, worry."

Church then says, "Dude I wouldn't sound so smug. She kicked your ass last time and you weren't outnumbered like ya are now." I hear a noise behind me, I turn around and I see Sheila right behind us. I quickly grab Church's attention.

Church then cheers, "Haha yeah! Hey it worked! I can't believe Caboose came through! How ya like that, Wyoming? We even have our tank now. Boo ya, mother fucker!"

"Ho ho ho ho ho, your tank? Hu hu hu hu hu..." Jesus, that laugh is even more over the top than O'Malley's.

"Knock knock, Church," a robotic voice calls out from the tank.

"You have got to be kidding me," Tucker grumbles.

Church also grumbles, "Oh shit. Why is it that something dramatic seems to happen exactly every five minutes? I mean, I can't possibly be the only one out here noticing this trend."

"Firing main cannon."

Well, I'm going to die, I turn to Tucker, "You know Tucker…"

Tucker looks over to me, "Yeah?"

"When I was in jail, the Director of Project Freelancer came to me offering me a second chance."

"He did?" Tucker asked.

"Yeah…." I nod, "He said I could clear my file and my reclaim my name and honor if I joined his program." I shake my head, "I should have just shut up, done my time, and took my chances in the second trial."

Tucker shrugs, "You probably should have man."

Wyoming suddenly stops, he then asks me "Wait….you were court martialed?" Wyoming then quickly shakes off the surprise and continues with….whatever he was doing. "You know I really can't thank you enough for leaving your tank completely unattended. It was very kind of you old chap. Makes your defeat and humiliation so much easier."

"It was his idea," I point at Church. Church gives me a 'really?' look.

Church then retorts at Wyoming, " Yeah? Well, great, glad we could help. I'm sure if you give us enough time we'll just kill ourselves. Save ya some ammo." That's the best you got Church?

Wyoming replies, "If it makes you feel any better your death is for a very noble cause." I sure it is.

"What do you want with Tucker's kid anyway?" Church asks.

Tucker all of a suddenly cries out, "What? How did we get here?"

I grab him, "Tucker, you alright man?"

"What!?" Tucker cries again.

"Tucker, what's wrong with you?" Church also asks.

"With me? What's happening?"

Church then reminds him, "Um... we're being held prisoner? Where the hell have you been?"

This just makes Tucker more confused, "What? How? I'm so confused."

Church asks in a similar tone, "What do you mean how? Are you retarded?"

Tucker the cries, "But Tex! She-"

Church cuts him off, " No. Tex will take him out."

Wyoming chuckles, "Oh right, Tex." Wyoming walks a few feet to his left, "You mean her?" He then proceeds to lunge forward and punch Tex in the face knocking her down and out.

"I really do wonder why Tex for all that time chose not to do anything," I pondered.

Wyoming shakes his head and sarcastically cries, " Poor Tex. Never could figure out when she'd been beaten."

"What? How did you know where she was?" a surprised Church asks.

I murmur, "Maybe he actually looked at his motion tracker." Everyone looks at me in surprise, "WHAT?! That's what it's for!"

Tucker shakes his head, "No, that's here she was before?"

Church then groans and with an annoyed tone, asks Tucker, " Before what? Tucker, have you gone insane?"

"Tucker! Start making sense now!" I cry as well.

Wyoming then gets confused, "Wait a minute, what's going on?" Not him too.

"I think he knows," Gary warns. Know what?!

"I think you're right," I hear Wyoming murmur, I also here him flick to safety off his rifle….wait, he never took the safety off?!

"Church!" we all turn to face the voice. "I'm coming to help! Don't start without me!" It's Caboose, what the fuck is he doing?

"Caboose get back here!" Fergo screamed from behind him.

"It's the idiot, take care of him," Wyoming ordered Gary, "Quickly."

"Right."

Tucker then runs up and shouts, "Caboose, no, stay back! Don't get near the tank!" His warning was in vain as Caboose was immediately mowed down by Gary's machine gun.

" Caboose! Noooo!" Church screamed. Out of pure instinct, I grabbed my smg from off my hip and fired off a couple of bursts into Wyoming.

"Die you son of a bitch!" I screamed, "FUCKNG DIE!" I then proceeded to fire a few more bursts.

"Lockett look out!" Church screamed, but once again it was too late. I looked up with enough time to see the tank's cannon aiming at me.

"Fuck," I muttered. *boom* Moments later I found myself in the middle of a field behind the base, a good 15 yards from where I was last standing. It appears that the blast from the canon sent me flying.

Church, who I now noticed, "Lockett!" Church cried.

"Come on we gotta move him!" Tucker cried, and they quickly dragged me into cover behind some rocks.

"Church," Fergo sniffed, "I-I'm not sure he's gonna make it." It was that moment I noticed the large puddle of blood pooling beneath me. I couldn't even answer them, the only response I could manage was a couple of gasps and groans while I slowly choked on my own blood.

"Aw shit!" Fergo cried, "First we lost Caboose and now Lockett is fucking bleeding out in front of us!"

"This is just like last time," Tucker explained. I honestly don't know how I'm still conscious right now, I just am. Must be the biofoam that Fergo injected into me.

"Tucker, you are gonna start making sense right, now. That's an order," Church angrily growls.

Tucker then starts spouting off, "This already happened. Wyoming shot Caboose, Tex jumped Wyoming and knocked his gun away and then-"

"Tex is unconcious!" Church interrupts.

"Fucking A, I know, that's what I'm saying!" Tucker cried. Then another shell hits the rock we were hiding behind.

*grunt* "Uhhgh!"

"Aw shit! How's he still alive?" Church cries. I guess he's talking about Wyoming, I'm right now too tired to worry about what he just said. I then notice Church pick up his sniper rifle and fire.

"Awh!" I hear Wyoming cry.

At that moment, Church jumps up like a child and cheers "Oh- I hit him! I hit him! I can't believe I hi- I mean, I knew this sniper rifle was awesome." Congratulations Church, I then start to lose consciousness, so I thought, 'I'll see you soon Caboose.'

I stay awake long enough to hear Tucker say, "This is just like last time! Once Wyoming lost everything seemed to-"

 _Reset_

"Reset." Next thing I know, here I am standing back at Red Base.

"You know I really can't thank you enough for leaving your tank completely unattended. It was very kind of you old chap. Makes your defeat and humiliation so much easier," Wyoming laughs. I look down and feel for the spot on my chest where the shrapnel tore open….it was gone.

The others don't ignored me as Church counters with, "Yeah? Well, great, glad we could help. I'm sure if you give us enough time we'll just kill ourselves. Save ya some ammo."

"If it makes you feel any better your death is for a very noble cause," Wyoming laughs. This seems all so familiar.

"What do you want with Tucker's kid anyway?" It's almost as if….

"What the fuck just happened?" I gasped.

Tucker grabs me and asks, "You too?"

Church looks over to me with confusion, and a little concern, "Um... we're being held prisoner? Where the hell have you two been?"

Tucker then asks, "Church don't you remember any of this?"

Church just ends up looking more confused, "Tucker, what the fuck are you talkin' about?"

Tucker rolls his eyes, "Come on Church, even Lockett remembers! Right Lockett?"

"Didn't I die?" I ask while still looking over my torso.

Tucker turns back to Church, "See?"

"Uh oh," Gary murmurs, "There's two of them now."

"How the devil?" cries a shocked Wyoming, "First it's just him, now it's spread to his friend."

Gary replies, "Irrelevant. Eliminate them both." Gary then immediately fires the tank at Tucker and I…..he somehow missed us at point blank range, was he even….of right….

"Go, move!" I scream as I shove Church out of the view of the canon with Tucker closely following behind.

"Tex look out, he knows where you are!" Tucker cried before we jump off the building.

"What?" a confused Tex replies while she materializes just as just as we pass her making our way back down the canyon.

"Church! I am coming to help! Don't start without me!" We look over and we see Caboose Sauntering over the hills to us.

"CABOOSE GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!" Fergo screamed after him. Oh no….

"Shit I forgot about Caboose!" Tucker cried. Whatever he was planning was too late as Caboose was immediately shot in the head.

"Caboose! Noooo!" Church screamed.

 _Reset_

I let out a sigh, "Aw not again."

"Yeah? Well, great, glad we could help. I'm sure if you give us enough time we'll just kill ourselves. Save ya some ammo."

"Yeah, what do you want with my kid anyway?" Tucker growls.

I casually glance over to him and say, "You changed it up that time didn't you?" Tucker shrugs.

"You don't remember?" Wyoming asks.

"Remember?" I cried, "You never told us anything."

"I think it worked, that time," Gary mused.

Wyoming rolls his eyes, "Apparently. Keep your eye on him next time."

Church just looks between us and asks, "The fuck are you guys talking about?" He then shrugs and says, "Oh you know what, never mind. Keep talking. Waste time until Tex kills you."

Wyoming chuckles, "Oh right, dear Tex. You mean, her?" Wyoming then lunges at Tex and knocks her down and out….again….

Wyoming taunts, "Oh poor Tex. Never could understand when she was-" Tucker quickly steps behind Wyoming and stabs him through the chest.

"Beaten?!" Tucker finishes.

"Oh dear," Wyoming gasps. Tucker pulls out the sword and Wyoming falls to the ground.

"Reggie!" Gary cries.

"That's right bitch. I take care of my kid," Tucker growls.

"Nice one," I reply, "That was pretty fuckin' ninja."

"Hah ha, thanks man," Tucker laughs.

I then remember something important, "Oh boy, DUCK!" We all dive off of the base….shit I forgot Tex.

"Shit man, Gary is pissed," Church murmurs.

"You think?" Tucker retorts.

I grab both of them, "Come on, we gotta move!" They both follow me into the caves.

"Wait!" Church cries, "How did you guys know that was gonna happen?"

While we are running Tucker explains, "'Cause of Wyoming. You know how Tex said every freelancer had an A.I. and a special ability?"

"Yeah?" Church answers, though still alittle confused.

I answer this time, "We think Wyoming's ability allows him to put a certain moment in time in a continuous loop and everytime he dies, the loop resets. Kind of like the old sci-fi movie _Edge of Tomorrow_."

"Oh yeah," Church murmurs, "'Live Die, Repeat'."

"Exactly," Tucker confirms.

"Wait, what?" Church looks up in surprise, "How many times did we loop?"

Tucker shrugs, " Who knows? Doesn't matter now. That cocksucker's dead."

Church then with a growing concern in his voice replies, "No no, it does matter. Don't you remember when we came here to begin with? I got stuck in a loop, and every time I went back, I left a bunch of-" We at that moment round the corner and in the cave we see…. "Copies."

"Oh shit," I murmur.

"Hello," one of the Wyoming's greet. They soon all that laughing….evilly, that last detail is important.

 _Moments Later_

"They're getting away!" one of the Wyoming's shouts as the fire at us while we run from out of the cave.

"Cut them off!" another Wyoming orders.

"Remember the sniper shot!"

"Why aren't you guys being affected by any of this?" Church asks.

"He said it has something to do with the sword!" Tucker explains.

"Okay? How about Lockett!"

"I think it had something to do with the fact he almost died!" Tucker guesses. I wonder if that was the reason as well. Tucker then pulls out the sniper rifle he took from Red Base, turns around and headshots one of the Wyoming shooting at us.

"I told you to watch for the sniper shot!"

"Who said? When?" asks Church getting even more confused.

"I've got to get my sight!" a Wyoming on the roof of the base growls.

"Just trust me!" Tucker shouts.

"Tucker get the guy on the base!" I shout.

"Get off the ledge you fool!" The warning came too late as Tucker turns and shoots the Wyoming off the top of the base.

"Ah- Ooph!" the Wyoming cries as he falls over.

"The cliff!" I shout, "Head for the cliff!"

"This time flank him!"

"That's where Tex will be!" Tucker added. Church ends up wrong the wrong way.

"Are you sure?" he asks.

"No not that way Church!" Tucker screams.

"Get down!" I scream and Church immediately ducks to reveal a Wyoming behind him that is immediately gunned down by me.

"Hey you know what, I kinda like this new all-knowing badass Tucker. He's certainly a lot better than the old one," Church muses. Church then heads off between the rocks.

"No Church wait, the other way!" Tucker cried as Church straight into Gary.

"Knock knock Church."

"SON OF A BITCH!" Church screamed as he dropped to the floor just as a tank round passes right where he was just standing. He soon rejoins Tucker and I.

"I meant the other other way. My bad dude," Tucker apologized.

Church retorts, " I take back what I said! You still suck." We ran behind the rock Tucker pointed at where we find Tex taking cover. "Wait, Lockett, how much do you know?"

"Only to where Tex got knocked out, everything else is new to me."

Tucker then breathed a sigh of relief, "Okay Tex perfect, now listen…."

Tex interrupts and angrily shouts, "What the hell? Why do you guys keep giving away my position?"

Tucker shouts back, "It doesn't matter, they know you're here anyway. DUCK!" Church and Tex duck just as a sniper round passes right where their heads use to be.

"Oh I hit a towel!"

"See?" Tucker asks.

I then tried to put everything in a nutshell, "Tex, this is almost gonna be impossible to explain, but he knows exactly what's going on, and we just need to trust him." I don't know, is that a nut shell, I dunno.

Tex seemed to balk at the idea, "Trust him? Ten minutes ago he shot me."

Church sheepishly replies, "Yeah well that's I mean... you know, come on. Kind of a bitch. But don't worry, now that we're together, I'm sure he has an awesome plan. Right Tucker?"

I roll my eyes, "Right, now you guys stay here and distract the Wyomings. Tucker and I are going to take out the tank."

"Distract! How?" Church asks.

"Not getting killed is a great way to start! Watch your back!" Tucker shouts back,

"GEEZ!" we hear Church cry. Tucker and eye both run over the hill and rejoin Caboose and Fergo.

"Caboose!" I shout, "We need your help!"

"Great!" Caboose happily cheers.

"Got it," Fergo replies.

Tucker then starts to explain, " I need you to run out there and get the tank to shoot at you and try to draw it closer to the ship. It's gonna be really dangerou-"

"Okay!" Caboose interrupts.

Fergo then grabs him, "Wait Caboose, are you sure?"

Caboose nods enthusiastically, "I am always ready to help out my friends."

Tucker laughs, "Caboose, that's why I always liked you. Everything falls into two categories. Either you don't understand it, or you just don't care."

"I'm going with him," Fergo sternly cuts in.

"No!" Tucker protests. Before he could continue I cut him off.

"It's okay, I won't let anything happen to them," I then explain, "I just need you guys to draw his attention long enough for me to shove a high-explosive, anti-armor dildo straight up his ass."

"Okay, I don't really know what you mean by that. But I guess it doesn't matter," Caboose replies.

"Exactly," Tucker nods.

"Why didn't you have Tex or Church help?" Fergo asks.

"Is it because I'm awesome?" Caboose cheerfully asks.

I playfully hit his shoulder, "You are awesome kid, but that's not why."

"Then why?" he asks.

I laughs, "It's because Church is being an asshole and Tex doesn't trust him right now."

"How's that any different from normal?" Fergo asks with her eyebrow raised.

Tucker rolls his eyes, "Eh, because I got to use a sniper rifle and I ended up unloading a round into her ass."

Caboose responds with "Hey chicka bum-bum," causing both Fergo and I to burst out in laughter while Tucker looks on in bewilderment.

"Caboose, what did I tell you about that!?" Tucker glares.

"Sorry, sorry." Moments later, Caboose and Fergo can be seen boldly heading towards the tank.

"Hey! You overpriced, rusty wheelbarrow!" Fergo shouts. Nice one….

"Pick on someone your own size!" Caboose follows. The tank notices and starts to head for the two.

Caboose nervously calls out, " Dah, that's more like it. ...Uh oh. Uh- okay, uh Tucker, uh, uh here it comes. Tucker? ...Tucker." Caboose freezes at the sight of the canon while Fergo nervously says, "Um, yeah, I- I I didn't really mean anything, I-I just wanted to say um... Hi?" At that moment, a rocket hits the back of the turret thus disabling it.

I walk up to the pair rocket launcher in hand, "Pop a rocket bitch!" I turn to Tucker, "Do your thing."

"What about about the tank!" Fergo cried. I look over the damage done, I think I may have permanently disabled the turret and the gun.

I shrug, "I prefer the C variant anyway." Tucker walks up and attaches the cable to the tank.

"Now Sheila!" Tucker shouts.

"Affermative."

"What nuuuu…." Gary cried. I don't know how he's still active, I guess it really was just the turret that was hit.

"Did you get him Sheila?" I ask.

"I have him!" Sheila exclaimed, "He is currently isolated behind a firewall. He is attempting to get through, but it will take some time. He is not that smart."

I nod, "Great. Caboose, fergo, stay here, Tucker and I'll be back in a bit." We both run to where Church and Tex who were pinned down by eight Wyomings.

"Okay, I'll take the ones the right, you take the ones on the left," Church suggested.

"There's twice as many on my side!" Tex protests.

"I know, I can count," Chruch replies causing Tex to glare at him.

"Just keep backing them up!" Tucker shouts.

"What the hell is that music?" I ask. Just as I finish asking that question, the Reds in their warthog come flying off the hill plowing through where the Wyomings were standing, Sarge even shoots one in the face.

"Yaaaa, now that's what I call ridin' shotgun! Blammo, haha!" we all hear him yell. We all stare in shock as one Wyoming tries to mount the driver side only to get blasted by Sarge. Simmons turns the chaingun and starts firing on the remaining Wyomings.

"Yeah, suck it Blue! And you too White! Suck it crackers!" Simmons bellows. Grif turns around and asks him something, after a monet, Grif turns around and starts driving over some more Wyomings.

"You like that? Yeah, I got plenty more here! Take that ya honkey mother fuckers!" Simmons screams.

Before any of us notices, Caboose runs up and screams, "Hey Reds! Why don't you pick on someone your own size?" The Reds immediately stop what they are doing and stare at Caboose.

"Caboose no!" Fergo shouts. We were then all treated to a particular scene.

"I am Caboose! The vehicle destroyer!" Caboose screams as he runs away from the warthog which was following him diligently.

""Uh, are they going to be okay?" I ask.

"Caboose!" Fergo cries as she runs after them.

"...Yeah, probably," Tucker murmurs.

"Hey!" Church shouts, "One of them's still alive!" We all rush over to where Church was.

"Uuuhhh," Wyoming growl. He is immediately meet with the barrel of my smg pointed at his face. Not close enough for him to grab it of course, that's just stupid.

"What's your plan, Wyoming? Why are you here, and what do you want with Junior?" Church growls.

Tucker then answers, "He already told me! My kid is the last part of that big prophecy we thought failed. He's supposed to become some big religious saviour for their whole race. Or some crap."

"What?" I asked in confusion.

Tucker then continues, "Yeah, so they wanna make Junior fulfill the prophecy and have O'Malley infect him. Then they can use him to enslave all the aliens by corrupting their religion from the inside."

"Sounds like Hitler," I joke.

"Yeah actually," Tucker shrugged, "Except I think Hitler was more political and racial than religious." He might have been, gotta start somewhere though.

"That's our job," Wyoming grunts, "To win the war at any cost." Wyoming then turns to me, "You of all people should know that."

"Lockett?" Church asks, "What does me."

Not taking my eyes off Wyoming, I reply to Church, "I was there on Harvest during Admiral Cole's 5 year campaign. I was stuck there for a full year and a half. I know how bad it can get."

"Then you should be helping us!" Wyoming cries.

"Your plan has balls, how do you know it's going to work?" I ask.

Wyoming laughs, "There's a high possibility of failure. All in good time." Wonderful, more vague answers.

"Yeah well good luck. Now that we have you, all we need to do is stop O'Malley. And Tex and Lockett will be more than happy to do that," Church taunts.

Wyoming counters, "Oh on the contrary, my friend. I may not know about your friend, but now that Tex knows our plan, not only will she not stop us; our dear Tex is going to help us."

Church laughs, "Oh yeah. I'm sure she'd be happy to help O'Malley." Church turns to Tex, " I'n't that right Tex. Tex?"

"He's right," I hear Tex murmur, This is Freelancer Tex, broadcasting on a open channel." I knew it.

"Tex! What are you doing?" Church cries.

Tex growls, "You want me O'Malley? Come and get me." Right as I was executing Wyoming, Church jumps onto his radio.

"This is Private Church broadcasting on an open channel."

"What are you doing?" Tex shouted.

"I'm making you harder to find. Tucker! Lockett! Turn on your radios!"

"Got it!" I shouted. Yeah, I'll get right on that.

"Fuhuck that! If O'Malley gets me he'll get the sword!" Tucker exclaims.

"Attention all Blues! Turn on your radio and start broadcasting right now!" Church orders.

Caboose replies, "Okay, I'm on the radio too now! This is fun! What do you want to talk about?"

Church smirks, "Well, he can't find you now Tex."

"Don't get involved Church. Omega wants me, he can have me," Tex firmly states.

"Why, so you can kidnap Tucker's kid? And enslave an entire race?" Church growls.

"We have to win the war, Church," Tex replies.

"Church, what if she's right?" I ask. Both of them look over to me in surprise. "I've seen what they do to our worlds, it's fucked up man. I'm not saying we need to enslave an entire race, but that doesn't change the fact that humanity is losing badly!" I then turn to Tex, "Even then, I'm not sure turning one race will make a difference in a six race, hierarchical empire that vastly outgunned us bot technologically and numerically."

Church then starts growing even more angrier, "Well what about after? You think Omega's just gonna stop after he gets a whole species for an army? He's gonna take over everything Tex, and you're not gonna be able to stop him!"

Tex shrugs, "I guess we'll find out."

My radio then goes off, " Hehey, uh Lockett? It's Doc. Yeah uh, you remember that Blue Leader guy down here? Weuh he's just keeled over. So I I think O'Malley's on his way. Just FYI."

"Tex, shut off your radio!" Church orders, or he attempts to.

"I would get away from me if I were you," Tex warns.

"Doc, any idea where he went?" Church asks.

Doc replies, "I have no idea. And that alien buddy of his took off with Junior and Meia too. If you want I could look for them on this computer down here."

"Computer? What?" Church asks in confusion, same thoughts here.

"Yeah. It's showing us the whole canyon," Doc pauses for a few moments, "What's with all the dead white guys?"

"What computer?" Church quickly brushes the question off and instructs, "Well whatever, listen. Just keep looking for him, and tell me if you find him."

"Okay," and then Doc got off the radio. As soon as Church turns off the radio, Tex initiates a Mexican standoff between all of us. I secretly turn on my radio jammer, I knew I bought it for a reason.

"Tex, is he in there?" Church asks.

"No. Is he in you?" Tex asks,

Church growls, "Bullshit, I think you're lying. I think that-" before he can finish, I lunge forward and knock him out.

"What the hell are you doing!" Tucker shouts.

"Tucker, I can fix everything but you have to trust me! Don't tell Church." Tucker nods, I knew I could always count on Tucker, "Stay with Church and keep him distracted." I then turn to Tex, "I Tex I need you to come with me, I can get you to O'Malley." Tex weighs her options for a bit but then nods, and with that we were off.

"Why are you helping me?" Tex asks all confused.

Without breaking my sight with my destination I reply, "I know where O'Malley is. I'll tell you when we get there."

"Where?"

"Here," we then reach our destination.

"The ship?" she asks all confused, I just nod while I take off my helmet. Meia is the first to greet me as she pulls me in a deep embrace.

"Is everything ready?" I ask.

"The ship my friend, is ready to fly," she replies. Her smile then turns into a frown, "I'm going to miss you."

"I know."

She then quietly says to me, "You know, I am fine with not getting to court with you."

"What do you mean?" I ask in confusion.

She dons a playful smirk, "You're not the only male that holds the possible position as my husband." Damn, my pride just took a hit. "I'll see you soon Warrior Lockett," and with that, Meia turns and leaves. I'm not sure if I'll ever see her again, but I wouldn't put my chances on it.

"What is all this?" Tex finally asks.

"You ride out of here," I reply.

"What?" Tex asks getting even more confused, "Where's O'Malley." I just give her a smirk, I reach down and pull out an A.I. from my helmet. **(AN: It's like Cortana's chip. )** I whisper to the chip "Go ahead." A holographic figure emerges from the chip, a foggy colored spartan in armor.

Tex's eyes widen, "He's been with you, for how long?!"

"Since Doc came here."

"How did you keep him from taking over you?"

"We an agreement." I reply.

"Then what are they chasing after?" Tex points behind her where we can see the Reds and Blues running around shooting at each other.

I don a very cheeky grin, "That is just a dumb A.I. with a personality matrix that O'Malley and I made, well I made the A.I., he made the personality." I then let out a sigh and my smile turns into a frown, "Tex I won't lie, I don't exactly agree with his views, but that does not mean I'm willing to do what I can to save our species. If you an O'Malley think you can save our race, go for it." With that, O'Malley jumps into Tex and the place the chips back into my helmet. "So, going to save the human race after you leave Tex?" I smirk.

She shakes her head, "No."

"No?"

"First I'm going to get the Director." Makes sense, "Lockett….Jonathan, you need to know-"

I cut her off, "Don't worry, I am aware of how fake this whole thing is, the Dr. Church is the one who recruited me remember?"

Tex's gaze soon meets my eyes, she asks, "Come with me."

I let out a sigh, "No."

"WHY NOT?!" Tex angrily shouts, "He is the reason all of you are stuck here as guinea pigs, come with me and we can take him out and stop him from hurting more people!"

"I can't come with you," I take a deep breath, "My place is here."

Tex's face changes from anger to confusion, "What do you meen?"

"I can't leave them," I ponder for a moment on what to say. I look back to her, "I love them….it's the strangest thing, I can't explain it." I can't help but smile while I say this, "I….I just feel like I belong here, and I can't imagine myself going on without them by my side." Tex takes a moment to think about what I said, then she returns a gaze filled with understanding.

"Okay," she gasps, "But I am coming back, for you, for Church, all of you. I will all of you guys out of here."

"Tex?" I ask, "You know how they say 'Never make a girl a promise if you can't keep it?'"

Tex nods, she them chuckles, "What? You saying you are a girl?"

I laugh as well, "No, I'm just saying, that phrase goes both ways. I-we are not the priority. The human race matters, our lives don't, do what you have to do." I narrow my eyes, "Good luck Tex." Tex then does something I never thought she would do, she takes off her helmet, this was the first time I have seen her without a helmet up close. She looked like every other attractive girl I have seen before though she actually had military training and experience to back it up thus making her seem even more attractive….though she did seem to lack the charisma though. She had short, sandy blonde tied into a bun behind, other than that and a round face and pale skin, she seemed pretty normal. Then I saw it, her eyes, a pair of sapphire colored marbles whose beauty was only amplified by the pale complexion of her skin. Not only did those eyes carry years of experience, they also carried years of pain which her sincere joyful smile betrayed, a pain that I recently had seen too much of, I can see why Church liked her so much now.

"Alison," she whispered, "My name is Alison." Tex then then raises her hand and offers a handshake to which I returned. "Take care of Church, and please tell him I'm sorry for leaving."

I just smile, "Goodbye Tex."

Tex then frowns, "Don't say goodbyes, I hate goodbyes."

I smile reassuringly, "Most people do, but goodbyes good or bad, are a part life." Tex doesn't respond, she just puts on her helmet and walks into the space ship. As Tex takes off, I am soon joined by everyone else.

"Tex don't do this!" Church cries into the radio.

"Goodbye," Tex replied almost whispering.

"We have to stop her right now!" Church shouted to Sarge.

Sarge replied cheerfully, "No problemo Blue." Sarge then gets onto his radio and says, "Andy you there?"

"I'm here coach!" Andy cheered. Wait, is he in the ship?!

"What's going on?!" Church asks with growing concern.

"Tex is hooking up Wyoming's helmet to the computer," Andy reports.

"Ready for your job soldier?" Sarge asks.

"You bet!"

"Alright then son, do what you were born to do. Detonate!" Oh no.

I get on my radio and scream, "Tex stop the ship!" No response.

"Hey, you want me to start from ten or three? Come on let's build it up a little bit, suspense it'll kill 'em. Ten!"

Church angrily screams at Sarge, "I told you to disable the ship-"

"Nine!"

" -not destroy it!"

"Eight!"

"Meia andybody! Stop the ship!" I scream. I didn't even hear what Sarge said that time.

"Seven!"

"What about my kid?!" Tucker cried to Sarge.

"Six!"

"Oh right-"

"Five!"

"Score two." I don't fucking believe Sarge.

"Four!"

"Andy!" I shout. "Do not-"

"Three!"

"-detonate, can you see her heading?"

"Two!"

"Andy-Allison!"

"One!"

"MEIA!" Right as I screamed that, the ship carrying all of them disintegrates in a blue flash.

"Tex?" Church hoarsely whispers.

"Boo no explosion!" I hear Griff shout only to hear a second explosion go off moments later. All the other's voices were tuned out as my attention was now solely focused on Church. I saw Church slowly take off his helmet and drop it as we sinks to his knees. When I got to him he looked like he was at the breaking point, I'm actually suprise he hasn't broken already. I did the only thing I could do to help comfort him, I pulled him into a hug and at the moment, he finally broke. He cried, and cried, and cried and I just chose to hug tighter.

 _Linebreak_

Here I am on sitting on the cliff, funny as it's the exact place where Church and Tucker would stand to spy on the Reds.

"Hey," I hear a voice greet. I turn and come face to face with a familiar face.

"Hey Jaclyn."

"Is this seat taken?" she asks pointing to the spot next to me. I just shake my head. As I sit down, she places a bottle in my hands, she says, "Here, I found this in Grif's stash, I figured you could use it."

I hold the bottle of whiskey she gave me, "Well," I joke, "If you can't fight 'em drunk don't fight 'em at all," and with that I took a swig.

"Do you ever wonder why we're here?" Jacklyn asks.

I shrug, "You know me, I try not to think." Jacklyn seemed satisfied with this answer.

"Hows your team doing?" Jacklyn asks.

I reply, "The team's fine, but Church is taking it the hardest, after all he just lost someone close to him."

"And how are you?"

"I'll be fine for now."

Jacklyn didn't look convinced, "Are you sure?"

I nod then reply, "I'll tell you one thing though, losing friends never gets any easier." I then look over to her and ask, "I wonder do we do now?"

Jacklyn laughs, "Other than go back to the same of cycle," she then takes to bottled out of my hands, "I'll tell you what I'm doing right now." She then takes a long swig and I just chuckle at her antics, for the next minute we just sa there and stared across the canyon

"It's odd," I murmur, "This place feels more like home more than the army or hell, even my actual home ever was."

"Tell me about it," Jacklyn laughs. "I wonder what happens now? Where do we go from here?"

"I don't know," I reply, "But right now, I feel like I am exactly where I'm suppose to be." I soon feel Jacklyn lean against me.

"That make two of us," she murmurs.

 **Author's Note: That is the end of Season 5. I deviated from the original ending just a bit. I hope you guys like it, if you don't that's alright. I feel that I am at the point where I can say that this is my story and if you don't like how I write it, there are hundreds of other Red vs Blue stories out there, though I really do hope you guys liked it. If you like this story and you haven't done so yet, please follow and favorite to get updates on when the next chapter is done. Hell, you can even leave a review detailing what you like or what you would like to see happen, I'll take all of your thoughts and criticisms into consideration, I am always open for advice. I'll get working on Season 6 soon.**


	26. Welcome to Rats Nest

**Author's Note: Welcome back y'all, my story is now 100,000 words long. Those who have stuck around for so long, I just wanna thank you, you guys are awesome. This is chapter is a teaser/prologue for season 6.**

 **Disclaimer:**

Welcome to Rats Nest

It was a quiet day, I was in my room playing videogames when a Blue soldier ran into my room.

"Hey Sarge!" the private shouted at me.

"Yeah, Jones," I answered, "What's the matter?"

"Lt. Miller needs you at the front of the base ASAP!" I sighed, I got up and made my way out of my room. "Oh, and bring Caboose."

It's been….different since Tex died, different yet the same at the same time. We went back to the exact same cycle, everyone moved, Church actually had an excuse to be cynical and pissed so we that's why we didn't bothered him about it….much. Even after we had received our transfers one month later, we still are doing the same thing, now just in different bases. Along with new bases we also got new armor, I personally got a full E.O.D. set, I think it was based on my M.O.S., Caboose got a standard suit except with Mk. 5 helmet, I guess he wanted to feel nostalgic about the old days. Caboose and I got sent to Rats Nest on the word that the team there needed a new engineer and XO. Caboose was excited at the prospect of going to a new home, I wasn't so happy as the rest of the team wouldn't be joining us. Church, Tucker and Fergo were all sent to somewhere separate from us and Sister was left behind at Blood Gulch. I was lucky to have gotten Grif and Simmons as the new members of Red Team, and a blessing from God to have gotten Jacklyn on their team as well, at least I have some familiar faces on the other team.

When we got to our new base things were bad, like the vehicles were all in disrepair, the base was fine, except for the fact the systems and utilities were all poorly maintained….mainly the power. The first month I was there I spent getting settled and I noticed that issue immediately, I swear after 4 weeks my sanity bells were ringing, I asked the Lt. about and he said that generators were in bad shape since their last engineer died. Since the Lt. knew I was an engineer he asked me if I could fix it, I said no problem. I managed to get the problem fixed by the next day, I swear the look on the other guys faces when I managed to get the base running properly again. I then asked if there was anything else I could do and they all immediately pointed to the vehicle depot, it was a mess, all the vehicles had at least some form of damage, nothing I couldn't handle, but what baffles me is how no one else in the bse seemed to know any basic car maintenance skills, either that or they are too lazy.

Over the next several months I ended getting getting promoted, one part was because of brining the base back to 100% and then some and then drilling the maintenance routines and procedures into the rest of the team's heads so that the base didn't have to be completely reliant on me. Another part because I managed to bring their entire vehicles depot back to combat ready, and the two other parts were because I was able to keep control of Caboose. As after just two days and Caboose was already causing problems, he was accidentally shooting people, and breaking things. I'm kidding, that's what would have happened if I didn't supervise him. I did have some close calls in the beginning, but I am pretty sure the rest of the team are aware of Cabooses' destructive capability and they were amazed at how I was able to 'control it'.

I suddenly stop at a door with a sign that says Caboose's Room in crayon with other doodles around it. I open the door and I find Caboose drawing and coloring with crayons on the floor. Around him are other doodles, more crayons and toys. Yeah I spoiled the kid to say the least, I figured I should reward him for being such a helpful assistant over the past year.

"Caboose," I call. Caboose looks up from his drawing.

When he notices me he smiles and happily greets, "Hi Lockett!" Man, Caboose's cheery personality always finds a way to put a smile on my face.

"Hey kid, let's go, Miller needs us." Caboose then gets up and follows me down the halls.

"What does Principle Miller need? Are we in trouble?" Caboose nervously asks.

I chuckle at Cabooses anxious state, "I'm sure it's nothing like that kid. Let's just hear what he was to say."

"Oh, okay!" Caboose chirps. The front gate then opens to reveal Lt. Miller talking with another soldier. It wasn't like another soldier, no his armor was grey with gold shoulder pieces and a Mk. 6 helmet.

I let out a sigh, "Shit, it's one of them," I grumbled.

"Oh….that's not good," Caboose nervously replied. He n=knew exactly what I was talking about, that's how bad it is.

"I can't wait to hear this," I grumble.

"Good morning Sergeant Major! Private Caboose." Lt. Miller greeted a little too happy for my taste.

Miller then turns back to the 'soldier', "This here is my second in command Sergeant Major Lockett and his orderly Private Caboose." Miller then turns to us and says, "You two, this here is representative form command, his name is….Agent Washington."

 **Author's Note: There, that's the teaser for Red vs. Blue Reconstruction. I know it's a bit short and not what you guys wanted, but don't worry, you'll get the full chapter soon. I just felt that 18 months is a long time lapse between seasons, I thought I could give a brief summary of what happened in between before I start the next chapter. I'll be seeing you guys soon.**


	27. Something New

**Author's Note: Here we go, the Season 6 pilot. This story has just reached 10,000 views! That is awesome, thank you guys for reading. I'm just curious, for you readers out there, what was your favorite chapter so far in my story? Just thought I would ask. I'm sorry I took so long guys. Also, another warning, finals are coming up soon so I may not post as much, just a heads up. I hope you enjoy the chapter.**

 **Disclaimer: I ow-I mean don't own Red vs Blue. Yeah….**

Something New….

"Thank you for bringing them Jo-a-ness!" congratulates Miller.

Jones groans, "Oh for the love of-my names is JONES!"

Ignoring Jones' complaints, Miller explains, "As I was saying, Special Agent Washington from Blue Command has something fantastic he needs to talk to you about."

Caboose immediately starts trembling, "Command? Oh no, they never have good news. Did somebody die? Was it my mom, is she dead? Or my dad, did my dad die again? Oh no."

Washington was just lost, "What is this? I don't..."

Miller laughs, " Hehe, you see, he's yours now. Hehe, no take-backs."

Caboose continues, "Is it my brother? Was my brother killed? That's it, isn't it, my brothers dead!"

Washington is just still lost, "What...no, nothing like that."

"Oh, good, because I don't even have a brother. H-how sad would it be to not have a brother and to lose a brother all in the same day." It would be pretty terrible.

"No one died!" Washington finally shouts.

I roll my eyes, "You know, as over the top as that was, he actually has a point. Command doesn't usually come packing good news….usually."

Washington turns to me and asks, "Sgt. Locket, you and Private Caboose were stationed at Blood Gulch, correct?"

"That's right," I replied.

"Yeah...that was fun," Caboose commented.

"And our records indicate that you Caboose, was infected by an aggressive artificial intelligence program at one point. The Omega AI, is that correct as well?" Washington also asks.

"Yeah," I also add, "It was….different."

"Yeah...that wasn't as much fun," Caboose adds.

Washington looked confused by Caboose's happy tone, he shakes it off and continues, " Okay, well I need you to come with me. I'm investigating a critical issue and you seem to be the only person with the knowledge and experience necessary to help me." A long awkward silence passes before he also adds, " And I just realized how ridiculous that sounded once I said it out loud. Nonetheless, I need you to come with me."

I then nervously ask, "Uh, sir?" Washington looks at me, "Do you need just Caboose?"

Washington ponders for a moment before he replies, "Well….I could use all the help I can get for my investigation."

I then quickly add, "Sir, I would like to volunteer to go." Miller shifts uncomfortably while Washington nods. That was easy.

Miller then asks, "Can I have a word with him first, sir?"

Washington just shrugs and says, " Sure, I guess."

Miller then pulls me aside and says, "Son, you are a proud soldier, you are one of the finest soldiers that I have ever had under my command…."

"Thank you sir," I happily replied.

Miller's smile then turns into a serious frown, "I am sorry that we are loosing you Sergeant, but I have one last mission for you."

"Okay?" I confusedly asked.

"Never bring Caboose back here," he sternly ordered. Oh so it's going to be like that….

"You got it sir," I answered with a deadpan tone, I then turned around and started walking, but not before muttering "Asshole."

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet!?" Caboose asked repeatedly.

"Just...try and be quiet, okay?" Washington stuttered, man he is really lost on how to deal with this situation.

While we pass Red Base, a voice cries out "Hey!" We all turn our heads to see Doc. Rowe looking at us from a balcony. "Jonathen! Caboose! Where are you guys going? Who is that?"

"Oh hey Jacklyn," I cheerfully greet. "This is Agent Washington," Washington shyly waves. "He's doing an investigation and he needed our help since part of the investigation involves something back in our canyon."

"Oh," Rowe murmurs. "Can I come?"

I turn and ask Washington, "Can she come? She was also in Blood Gulch."

Washington just shrugs, "Um….okay."

I turn back to Rowe, "Just make sure you clear it with Grif first."

Rowe nods, she then turns back to base and screams, "HEY GRIF!"

"YEAH WHAT?" Grif screams back.

"THE BLUES ARE GOING ON A MISSION. THEY WANTED TO KNOW IF I COULD GO!"

"WHICH BLUES!?"

"LOCKET AND CABOOSE!"

"...SURE GO AHEAD!"

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" another voice shouts, a voice that wasn't Simmons', "That's are medic!"

"Doc you better just go!" Simmons calls out. Rowe nods and she jumps over the railing and lands near us. Then we head off.

"So, what are we doing?" Rowe then asks.

"Something that has to do with O'Malley and the Freelancers," I reply.

Washington then adds, "I was hoping you all could help my investigation since you all had dealings with freelancers and the A.I, Omega."

"Well, what do you have so far?" Rowe asks.

Washington shakes his head and replies, "All we know is that something is killing our agents and taking their equipment. Command was hoping that you all could help my investigation since you all had dealings with freelancers and the A.I, O'Malley."

"We don't exactly have much to go on Wash," I murmur.

"I know," Washington replies, "I guess a good start would be to find people who have had the most experience with Omega."

"I think I might know a person who could help," Caboose smiles.

"Who?" Washington asks. I let out a groan, I think I know.

 _Some Travel Miles Later_

"And you're sure this is where we can find this guy?" Washington asks me.

"He should be here," I replied, "When we first got our assignments, he tried to hide his from Caboose."

"Really. I can't imagine why," Washington murmured.

Caboose laughs, "I said it was like a game of hide and seek, and he said that that was right; he was going to hide from me. And the only way he could win, is if he dies without ever seeing me again." Ha I remember that, that was funny.

"And he knows about Freelancer as well?"

"He should know about them the most," Rowe replies.

"Yeah!" Caboose chirps, "He dated Tex!"

This answer just makes Washington more confused, "Agent Texas? Um, how could a person-" *bam* Washington is immediately interrupted by a sniper shot ringing out between us.

"Fuck!" a voice screams.

"Sniper get down!" Washington screams and dives for cover. Yeah, that's not going to happen.

"I can see his aim hasn't improved," Rowe murmurs. I just roll my eyes.

A voice then cries out, "Okay, that was your one warning shot! The next one's going' right between your eyes!"

"All of you!" Washing-I'm just going to call him Wash, screams. "Get down!"

"Why doesn't this surprise me?" I mutter.

"Alright! I warned ya! Sayonara, biatch!" Another shot rings out….and yet again it misses.

"Aw come on, what the fuck!?"

"Guys!" Washington cries.

Caboose starts jumping with joy, "I know that voice! Church! Church! It's me! Your all time best friend!" Yeah, that's a way to greet someone.

"Caboose?" Church calls out, "Caboose is that you?"

"Yes! Church, it's me!" Caboose cries. Church immediately resumes firing at him….and us….but mainly him. Of course he misses everything, how can someone be that bad at shooting, it's like a Saturday morning cartoon. Hell, it's even like dare I say, an SNL sketch….that does bring up another question. Saturday Night Live is like 500 years old by now, how is it still popular?!

"I have missed you so much! It has been so long!" Caboose cries, he then asks, "Did you miss me!?"

"Fuck! I missed him!"

"Man," Rowe mumbles, "This is just like a Saturday morning Cartoon." My point exactly.

"GO AWAY!" Church angrily growls.

"This is your friend?" Wash asks us.

"Yeah," I laugh, "Isn't he great?" Church then goes back to shooting Caboose.

"And he's shooting at you?"

"Mainly Caboose," I correct.

Caboose sheepishly shrugs, "Well, at me and stuff around me. Yeah, it is kind of like our thing. So he acts like he doesn't like me, but he really does. Oh and he might bring up something about me killing him, but that's only the truth. Uh it's a joke. *inhale* You could play along if you want!" Not a bad cover up, not saying much cause it's not good either though.

"Wait, that doesn't make any sense," Washington cries, "You did what? You- you killed him?"

"Hey!" Church cries, he is now on the battlements above the gate, he growls, "Scram, seriously! Get the fuck outta here."

"It's good to see you too Church," I sarcastically greet.

"Lockett? The Red medic?" Church cries in shock, "What the fucks are you guys doing here?"

"We came to get you," Rowe shouts back.

"Hey Church!" Caboose cries, "This is Agent Washington! He needs to speak to you."

Church balks at what he just heard."Agent Wa-" His shock quickly turns into anger as he asks, "You guys brought a Freelancer here? What's wrong with you?"

"Open this gate!" Washington orders.

Church scoffs, "Uh, no can do bud. See this is a secure facility: nobody in, nobody out. Sorry, I guess you'll have to come back, never." He's just like I remember him, kind of an asshole.

"I can see he's still an asshole," Rowe murmurs. See? It's not just me who sees that!

Washington replies in a flat tone, "Oh no, then I guess we'll have to just walk through the huge hole in your secure wall." Washington then turn his gaze to said hole.

Church lets out a groan of defeats, " Fine, I'll open the fucking gate." Church then does just that and we all walk in to be greeted by Church….again.

Church greets, "Okay well, sorry the place is so messy. I would have cleaned up if I'd known you guys were coming. But hey, no one called ahead."

"He does have a point," Rowe whispers to me, I just shrug.

"How long have you been here?" Washington suddenly asks.

Church replies by asking, "How long? Um... What day is today?"

"Today is Tuesday," Washington answers.

Church quickly replies, "I've been here fourteen months."

Washington is shocked by the answers, "What? Over a year, by yourself? Alone?"

Church half heartedly replies, "Yeah, it's been um... it's been great, I mean just, just it's been great. Really great." Washington just stares in wonder at Church before his trance is broken by his radio.

Before he walks off to answer it, he mutters, "You are really an odd group of people. Hold on. This is Agent Washington. I found some blue and red team members that have extensive experience with Omega."

"Did he just say Omega?" Church asks. I don't have time for this Caboose, respond to him.

"Yes," Caboose responds, "And some other words too." Thank you Caboose.

We all quiet down as we hear command reply, "Excellent Agent Washington, please stand by for orders." A few moments pass before the operator continues, "Now that you have reassembled the blues, you should head to Outpost 17-B. See what clues your team can gather there based on what they know."

"Roger that," Washington replied.

"They want you to stop the Meta at all costs. This is a Level One directive. Good luck Wash. Recovery Command out." The Meta?

"Recovery One out." Wash then turns to us and orders, "Come on, let's move out."

Church then speaks up, "Move out? Hey at what point in this conversation did you think that we were buddies or somethin'? I'm not goin' with you."

"Yes! You are not in our buddy club!" Caboose also cries, I look over to him i confusions. How am I still surprised by him?!

Church then growls, "Shut up Caboose, and what did I tell you about that armor, when we had to pick new suits?"

"You told me to upgrade!" Caboose shouted.

" That's not an upgrade!" Church screams back, "This is Mark Six armor, that's Mark Five. This is an upgrade." It's just a helmet.

"In a Top Ten list, five is better than six," Caboose counters.

"We're not a top ten list!" Church furiously screams.

Washington then cries, "How do you ever get anything done if all you ever do is argue with each other?" I burst out laughing at this while Wash just stared at my with a confused look.

"We don't," I then suddenly stop laughing and sternly reply, "I DO EVERYTHING," I also pointed at myself for emphasis.

Church nods and practically hysterical cries, "YEAH! We don't, that's part of our charm. Quit fuckin' it up!"

Washington lets out a frustrated sigh and says, "Look, I know you guys are all wrapped up in your little "red vs blue" battles-"

"Blue vs red battles," Caboose interrupts, "No one says red vs blue, it sounds stupid when you say it backwards."

Wash ignore him and continues, "But this is important. Actual military operations. Not your fake simulation stuff. Something is hunting our top agents, and I need all the help I can get to stop it."

I laugh as Rowe scoffs and retorts, "What, one of you freak science experiments finally broke his leash and it's not backfiring on you?"

"Wouldn't surprise me," I huff.

Wash sends her a death glare and says, "I don't know what it is, but I do know it's killing everything and everyone who has been involved with an A.I."

"Yeah," Chruch laughs, "Stop it? If it's killing Freelancers I want to start a fan club for it, build it a website." Okay, that's a bit far.

Washington then continues, "And now that the ship from your canyon is crashed, we think it's more powerful than ever. It gains new abilities every time it kills-"

"Wait wait wait, whoa-" Church cuts in now surprised, "You found Tex's ship?"

"We believe so," Washington replies.

I share a glance with Rowe and Church before I ask, "Okay, you now have our attention. Where?"

Washington meets my gaze and says, "Come with me, and I'll show you."

Church then nods and says, "Alright, I'm in." We then immediately start walking away but now with Church.

Caboose jumps up and cheers, "Yes, this will be the greatest road trip ever!"

Church then growls at Caboose, " If you say anything positive, I will fucking kill all four of us right now." No, no you can't.

Caboose then attempts to sound sad, "Okay. I will be very depressed about how awesome this will be."

 _Outpost 17-B_

After a few moments of argueing with the guard, Washington makes his way back to us.

He sighs and says, "We have a problem."

I shrug, "Comes with the occupation."

"I hope it isn't a math problem," Caboose mumbles.

"They've got the crash site locked down," Washington explains.

Church then groans, "Oh great. We couldn't have found that out on the radio? We had to walk here?"

"When you're right, you're right," Rowe mutters.

Wash glances over to the base we were standing in and says, "They said we could use this base if we want." Uh huh….

Church rolls his eyes, " Oh great. We couldn't have found that out on the radio? We had to walk here?"

Washington replies, "They said we could use this base if we want," as he slowly turns and faces said base.

Church sarcastically replies, "Wow, the empty concrete base? Is it our birthday?"

As a response, Caboose says, "I want cake." I do too.

Church continues on his tangent, "Can't we find somewhere nicer to hang out? Hey maybe there's like a, cool nightclub nearby that you can't get us into either. That would be awesome."

I roll my eyes, "It's better than the last shit hole that you used to call a home."

Wash cuts in and says, "You two just, stay here. I'll go draw off the guards. When I give you the signal, use that grav-lift." He points to the ramp with blue energy shooting out of it.

"The what? How do we use it?" Church looks confused.

Rowe explains, "Just step into it. It'll do the rest."

Washington nods in agreement, "All of you meet at the ship." We all nod and Washington heads off.

Church finally turns around and asks, "Okay, what's the, signal?" By the time Church looked around, Wash was long gone. "God dammit, I hate when they do that," Church grumbles.

Caboose suddenly perks up and asks, "When they do wha- hey! Where's Agent Washington?" Ignoring them, Rowe and I walk over to the base's balcony to keep an eye out for Wash's distraction.

"What do you think he'll do for a distraction?" Rowe asks me.

"I don't know?" I murmur.

Church grunts, "Who knows, probably like, you know, make a noise, or throw a rock. That's what I would do." Right at that moment in the distance, we all see a huge explosion go off followed by a siren.

I pointed and said "That's what I would do." Everyone nods in agreement.

Caboose turns to Church and comments, "I think he is better at distractions than you are."

Church flatly replies, "Yeah."

Our Washington calls us over the radio and whispers, " Okay, come on out. But come quietly."

"Alright," I turn to the guys, "We're moving out."

Caboose takes a step back and says, "Um, yes, I don't want to. Uh, you see I am scared of the thing that I don't know what it is." He has a good reason.

Church rolls his eyes, "Oh don't be a baby. How bad could it be-" As soon as Church sets foot into the launcher, he is immediately shot off like a ragdoll. We all rush to the each of the balcony and we watch as Church lands, bounces, skids, hydroplanes, and eventually smacks up against the side of a jeep.

"Well…." Rowe murmurs, "That must have hurt." All I could do was nod, "So….who wants to go next?" she suddenly asks.

 _Sometime Later_

A tank rolls by and as soon as it passes the crashed ship, Wash steps out from the rock we were hiding behind. Wash looks around checking for any other patrols.

When he was sure it was clear, he calls back to us, "They didn't see us, okay. Stay out of sight." We then reach the ship and Wash asks us, "Do you recognize this ship?"

"Yeah," I answer, "This is it. This is the one Text left on. I even recognize the call-sign on the side, Lima-061. "

Caboose suddenly rushes forward and starts calling to the ship, "Sheila? Sheila. Are you okay?" I closely follow him, who knows, she might be still working.

Washington stares in bewilderment at Caboose, he asks, "Um... what is he doing?"

Church sheepishly explains, "Oh, yeah we uh, we transferred our tank's training program into the ship, so that it could help us repair it." Washington then starts showing interest in the new discovery.

He asks Church, "Did you inform Command that you moved the program to the ship?" I open a panel and immediately start at trying to get Sheila running again.

Church in the same tone earlier, he replies " Yeah, we're not really big on paperwork."

Wash shrugs and says, "That's actually a good thing in this case. If they don't know it's there, they may not have tried to activate it." They both reach me just as the main console comes back online.

Sheila replies, albeit a bit damaged, "Hello, and thank you for activating the- wait, where am I?"

"Here!" I call out, "I got it." I then move out of the way to let Wash see it.

Caboose then rushes forward knocking Wash out of the way and asks "Sheila?"

Wash sends a glare at Caboose then states to Sheila, "Program, instruction. Run a full diagnostic, and load the logs from your last flight."

"Affirmative. Excep-exception: the system has taken dam-taken damage. I am functing- I am functioning at minimum capacity-ity-ity-."

"Program, instruction. Override exception and-"

Caboose angrily shouts, "Do not talk to her like that, she is not a program!" Uh, actually….yeah she is….by definition, she is.

Wash backs up a little and holds his hands up, "Whoa. What? Calm down."

Church then says, "Hey I'm just gonna, stand behind Caboose, for a couple minutes. You know for safety reasons." He then does just that.

"Port engine destroyed."

Wash then says, "Okay. I only want to replay the logs from the crash. So can you please get it-" Church backs up further. "I mean her, to do that."

"Stabilizer offline."

Caboose is silent for a moment, he then turns to Sheila and asks, "Sheila, um, would you go ahead and do that ah thing that he just said, to me?"

"Begin-beginning playb-playback." The screen starts playing the log, with a warning siren and sounds of things hitting each other in the background.

"Warning, warning, system failure."

Tex orders, "Sheila! Damage report, now!"

"Port abort, destroyed. Rear stabilizer offline. Navigation, offline. And my system clock does not match interior records."

Andy annoyingly cries, "That's it? Give me a minute to warm back up. I can do better!"

"Did Gamma get loose?" Tex asks.

"Negative, but I do not know how much longer I can contain him."

Tex then says, "Computer, what about there? In the canyon, can we land?"

"Analyzing data."

Just tell me, can you get us there?

"I am unable to calculate-"

Tex then climbs into the pilot seat and shouts, "Sheila, give me manual control, now!"

"Acknowledged. Manual control, activated. Warning: decompression. Rear doors, open." Tex's head whips back to stare at said door as the sound of ozone starts rushing into the cabin.

"Where're they going?"

"Somebody roll me into a corner!" Andy cries.

"Close the hatch!"

"Rear doors open." The alarms start getting louder and their pace quicker.

"Wait!"

"Acknowledged. Warning."

"What happened to-"

"Altitude critical. Brace for impact. Brace for impact." The alarms start beeping even faster and I can hear a familiar whine of an aircraft going down.

"Brace for impact?" Andy laughs, "I'm a ball! I roll around, what am I gonna brace myself with?"

"Hold on everyone!"

"I'm a round object!"

"Brace for impact."

"Hold on! Everybody just hold on-" The recording is immediately halted followed by a sustained beeping.

I turn to Church who was just frozen, "Leonard?" I softly call out, "You okay?" No response.

Washington then speaks up taking my attention as he starts retracing the events that followed, "Okay, so after that the ship crashed here. And from what a survivor told us the Blues got here first and offloaded the bodies and equipment. Then they started to get infected."

"Infected?" blanches Caboose, "What were they doing with the bodies?" Ew.

Rowe sighs, "That's not what he meant Caboose!"

Caboose then asks again, "No really, what were they doing with the bodies."

Washington explains, "They said their men started acting erratically. And for some reason they destroyed all their radios and their own comm tower."

"Yeah," I answer, "That's definitely Omega."

"You had a similar experience?" Wash asks curiously.

"Similar?" Rowe laughs, "Exactly the same."

Wash nods, "It all adds up then. Omega was the one who inherited that trait. During training they discovered he could move from suit to suit. For some reason he preferred Agent Texas. They tried to reassign him but he always made his way back to her somehow."

"So where's your A.I.?" Church asks, finally speaking up spooking all of us.

Was slightly averts his gaze away from Church, "I don't have one. Any more. It's a long story but it's why I was chosen for this job."

"Oh," I murmur, "You're THAT agent."

Church then turns and fully faces Wash, "Okay, okay I knew I had heard your name before. You're that guy that went nuts, right?"

Washington corrects, " I didn't do anything. My A.I... lost control of itself."

Church adds, "Riight. It just happened to do it while it was inside your head."

Wash nods, "Right."

"We have a lot in common Agent Washington," Caboose cheerfully replies.

"No we don't," he then shoots Caboose another glance and says, "And don't ever say that again."

"Where's Tex's body?" Church then asks.

"According to the prisoner, it should be in Blue Base."

"Take me to it, I want to see it."

Wash balks at the idea and sternly says, "What? I don't think so. That's their main-" As something starts beeping.

Command then starts taking over the radio, "Recovery Command calling Recovery One, level zero."

Wash answers, "I received it here too. Standing by."

"What was that?" Rowe asks curiously.

"That was my recovery beacon," Wash replies, "It means an A.I. somewhere is in jeopardy and I have to find it before- ...something, else, does."

Command then says, "Coordinates locked, transmitting now."

Wash responds, "Receiving coordinates for recovery target. Do we have an ID?"

"Affirmative, it is from the A.I. Delta and-"

"Agent South," Wash finishes.

Command confirms, "Roger that, Agent South Dakota. Vital reports look bad, yeah she's in trouble Wash."

Wash lets out a dramatic pause before saying "Yes. Yes she is."

 **Author's note: Thank you for reading and making it this far. I hope you guys liked it, if you did and haven't done so yet, please favorite or follow my story to get updates on future chapters. If you wanna say something or you wanna add suggestions to the story, leave a review. If you just wanna be friendly and say hi, go ahead and PM me or something. I'll have the next chapter out as soon as I can but I can't promise an exact date.**


	28. The Meta

**Author's Note: Here we go, new chapter….whenever this has come out. I hope you like it.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.**

The Meta

I have not seen someone this determined in a long time. Right now, all of us are driving three Mongeese to Church's former outpost on the basis of a freelancer getting attacked. Right as we rolled in, an explosion goes off.

I first say a female soldier, probably the freelancer, standing on a small cliff getting bombarded by explosives. I then got a good look at what we ever up against, a massive soldier decked out in security shoulders, scout chestplate, an EVA helmet, and armed with a brute shot to finish it off. Where did he get that!

"There they are!" Washington screams. The vehicles then all crash and are abandoned as we all take cover and start firing at the meta. Rowe and eye ended up getting cut off stuck behind some rocks on the right side of the valley while the others were behind a concrete barrier. "And don't let her get away!" Washington also adds.

"Isn't she a freelancer like you?!" Rowe shouts.

Wash replies, "Yeah! Just don't let her leave." I see Church turn to Caboose and tell him something. I then see Caboose nod and the he looks over the barrier, takes aim and….shoots the female freelancer in the back.

"Ah! Son of a-" the agent cried.

"What the fuck?!" I ask aloud as Rowe and I look on in awe of what just happened. I see Caboose duck back down and Church turns and nods at Washington. You've got to be kidding me….

"Shit!" Rowe cursed, "He's gone!" We then stop firing.

Washington shouts, "Damn. It's gone invisible. Keep an eye on your motion trackers, and watch your perimeters, look for a shimmer."

"Wash what is that thing?!" Church cries.

"It takes the equipment of other Freelancers," Wash explains, he then adds, "It must have picked up cloaking from Tex."

"Well that complicates things," I hear Rowe murmur.

I then realized something, "Wait, any equipment?" I ask with a worried tone.

Wash responds with "Yes!...Why?"

"Church!" I shouts, "We got a problem!"

Church shouts back, "I know! Wyoming!"

"Wyoming?!" Wash shouts with surprise.

I have an idea, "Church!" I call out, "I can't get a clear shot at him with my launcher!"

Church nods in understanding, "Got it!"

"Okay," time to lay it out, "As soon as he appears, Rowe and I will lay down suppressing fire, I need Wash and Caboose ready with those grenades!"

"Got it!" "Okay!" Wash and Caboose both acknowledged.

"Church I hope you're ready," I pause for a moment, "On my mark! ...3….2…..1….MARK!" Church then ran out of cover and sprinted forward. Right when he left the barrier, the meta appeared and immediately started firing grenades.

"Caboose toss that grenade!" I hear Wash shout.

"Suppressing!" Rowe shouts and immediately starts firing at him.

I take my launcher and slide it over to Church. Church slides and then rolls over, picks up the rocket launcher, quickly takes aim and fires. I looks over Wash and Caboose just in time to see them jump out of cover with an explosion going off behind them. I then hear a second explosion go off and I noticed that it was behind where the Meta was standing.

My eyes widen, "What the fuck?"

Rowe with fear evident in her voice cries, "Where did he go, he was right there!"

I then turn and order, "Stay down! He might come back."

"No he's gone!" Church shouts back, "Trust me."

"What? Where did it go? What happened?" Wash cries.

Church angrily cries, "It used Agent Wyoming's stupid time thing from the ship! What's wrong with you, why didn't you tell us it could use equipment?" He is soon joined by Rowe and I.

Wash counters with, "Why didn't you tell me that Wyoming was on the ship?"

"And why didn't someone give me something to yell about?!" Caboose cries.

"Mmm, ah…." we all turn and see the freelancer propped up against a wall with a small puddle of blood pooling underneath her. Wash throws us a glance and then walks over to her.

"Delta you there?" Wash calls out. A green holographic image of a spartan emerges.

He replies, "Affirmative, I am undamaged. However Agent South is seriously wounded. May I suggest moving me to a new host?"

"Roger that. I don't trust her anyway," One of you four take him?"

Church stammers, "Um... I don't think that I can-"

"I'll take him," I announce. I pull out Omega's old A.I. card and kneel down next to the freelancer allowing Delta to jump to me. I then put the card back into my helmet thus once again flooding my brain with the familiar cold mercury feeling. Delta then appears on my right shoulder.

He then says, "I agree with the simulation troopers. The Meta has most likely acquired both a temporal distortion unit, and an A.I. capable of running it. In this case, Gamma."

"Well, why didn't it kill us then?" Wash asks. I would like to know to.

Delta solemnly shakes his head, " I am sorry, but I do not have enough data to formulate an answer. I think we should simply be happy it is gone."

"Are you sure it's on it's own?" Rowe asks with a concerned tone.

"She's right," I add, "You haven't told us everything, what do we do if that "thing" has allies?"

Wash replies, "From what we have observed, the Meta appears to be working at this alone."

"From my own observations and from what I have gathered from existing data," Delta adds, "I have also come to that conclusion."

"Makes sense to me," Church muses.

Caboose nods, " I also agree with the glowing person. Everyone else sees the glowing person, right?" Rowe and I chuckle at his innocence and we nod.

Delta then suggests, "It is possible the Meta has been injured in some way, and is retreating to repair itself."

"Hm…." I ponder for a moment, "Has freelancer equipment been known to break down?"

Delta replies, "It is not common, but instances have been recorded where freelancer armor abilities have malfunctioned after extended use. That could be another possible reason for why he left."

"So, if we can find it before it does," Wash murmurs, "We may actually stand a chance of beating it."

"Well we can't stay here," Rowe warns, "He might come back."

We all nod in agreement and Wash replies, "Then let's get moving."

"I can-" the freelancer South sits up and grunts, "I can't walk on my own."

"Well I guess you'd better start crawling," Wash growls, "If you think I'm leaving you here to escape you've got another thing coming." Is something going on here?

Deta then replies, "Agent Washington, if I may. Before you arrived, South attempted to turn me over to the Meta, to save herself." Wait what?

"Really?" Washington asks as though he wasn't surprised.

Delta replies, "Much like she wounded _you_ to escape in our previous encounter with it. And as I have learned, in our travels, her brother North suffered a similar fate." This is interesting.

"What a team player," I mutter.

Delta then informs us, "It is highly probable that she will turn on us again soon, and in her current physical state, she will only hamper our progress."

"What are you suggesting?" Wahs asks, I'm pretty sure he knows.

"...That we do not allow her to hamper our progress."

Rowe looks to us in shock, "What are you guys doing?" She seemed shocked that Wash and Delta had even considered what they were going to do. "You're going to kill her?!" She then turns to me and asks, "Lockett, you're just going to let them do this?"

Without tearing his gaze from South, Wash asks me, "Locket, what is it called when a person works against the interests of his or her government/military, and that includes giving out military hardware to hostile forces."

Rowe looks at me in shock and disbelief as I almost robotically respond, "Treason sir."

Wash continues, "What are the punishments for treason?"

"At the level she was about to commit," I let out sigh, "Life imprisonment at best."

"At worst?" I don't reply to Wash's answer.

Rowe gets angry now, "Why is this okay? Why are you letting them do this."

"We are at war," I gloomily reply, "We don't have the resources to get her…." I point to the bleeding agent, "To a proper trial."

I look over to Rowe, "Look….I don't like this anymore than you do….if she actually gave Delta to the thing! Do you have any idea how much at risk that not only puts us but also Earth as well?" Rowe's eyes widen in realization and she then slumped her shoulders and hangs her head when reality kicks in. I turn to Wash and growl, "Better make it quick."

I then turn my back to them, walk a few feet away and light off a cigaret. Right when I am about to put it in my mouth and take a puff, a shaking hand reaches up and takes it right out of my mouth. I look over and to my surprise, I see Rowe right next to me taking a long shaky drag from my former cigaret.

"I thought you didn't smoke," I murmur in surprise.

"I don't," she grunts. Her response makes me smile as I light off another cigaret and take a puff. We just stare at the beach for a full second before she says, "Man, I really hate this."

*click*

"I know," I mumer with understanding, "I know."

"Come on Wash," I hear South breathe, "What are you gonna do, shoot-"

*bam*

" Yes. Good suggestion," I hear Wash mockingly replies.

"You're welcome," Delta replies.

"Dude," Church breathes, "You guys are some cold motherfuckers."

Caboose then replies, "I just want everyone to know that I have no problems walking. And I take full responsibility for the grenade incident." I glance over and see Wash still holding his magnum in a shooting position with smoke still coming from the barrel. Church attempts to calm the situation down by talking slowly, loudly, and in my opinion annoyingly, and obnoxiously.

"Okay. I have a great idea. Let's all put down our guns, and not shoot anyone else that we're trying to help." I roll my eyes at Church's attempt.

"Agent South had already shot me in the back once before, and she tried to give up Delta to the enemy. I wasn't going to wait around to see if she decided to do it again."

Church snorts, "Right, okay sure..."

"Church, lay off him," I tell him sternly.

"Why are you backing him?!" Church cires. He then turns to Rowe, "Why are you letting them do it?!"

"The world isn't black in white Church," I sigh, "Sometimes….things get complicated." Rowe glumly nods.

Church just glares at us, "I thought you were different Lockett!" He then shakes his head, "No, turn out, you are just like those wackos." He motions towards Washington.

I decided to hold my answer while Wash retorts, "You don't need to treat them like that, and I'm not crazy, okay? I'm totally completely sane. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go blow up this dead body." Wash then turns around and starts disposing of South's body.

"Shame we can't bury her," Rowe mumbles. "It's a bit disrespectful."

"Well, she did almost sell out her own allies," I reply causing Rowe to shrug. "I would be against what Wash is doing, but I do have to admit that she had quite the bit of tech that I'm sure the Insurrection would like to get their hands on." Rowe nods in agreement.

Church then walks up to us and says, "Hey hey uh, uh, green guy."

"I'm Blue," Caboose corrects.

I roll my eyes, "He means Delta."

"Oh him," Caboose mumbles.

Delta appears on my shoulder and politely greets Church, "Hello. How may I be of assistance?"

"Hey yeah," Church replied, "Uh, what's the deal with this guy?" In the background, Wash was emptying his assault rifle into the corpse.

"Destruction of unused armor or equipment is standard recovery procedure," Delta explains.

"I think he's doing it wrong," Rowe muses.

"She's right," I added, "You could get the same results by just burning it or setting some demo charges."

"Agent Washington may be projecting his anger onto Agent South Dakota's body," Delta observes.

Church shakes his head and says, "Yeah, no, I mean is he like a whack-job or what?" Wash then throws a plasma grenade at the body.

"Are you aware of his experience with Epsilon?" Delta asks.

"Epsilon," Church ponders for a moment, "Oh you mean his A.I.?"

"I've heard of it," I mumbled. South's body gets engulfed by flames.

"Correct. Epsilon was an... unstable intelligence unit that had to be deleted. Its integration with Washington's mind concerned our superiors," Delta explains. Wash then starts rolling things on the corpse.

"I'm surprised he came out of that whole thing without suffering from severe brain damage," Rowe replies.

"Agent Washington got very lucky," Delta nods.

"Well what do you think?" Church asks, "About his mental state."

"I believe that Agent Washington's sanity is well within acceptable deviations….for now."

"What a ringing endorsement," Church sarcastically remarks. An explosion involving several crates goes off.

"Church look at it this way," Church glances over to me as I explain, "Logically, they wouldn't have let Wash back into the agency if he wasn't mentally stable enough."

"Otherwise he would be putting not only himself at risk but his coworkers as well," Rowe also adds. We then both smirk and fist-bump each other at our coordination.

Church wasn't buying it, " I'm filled with confidence." Washington soon joins us again.

He says, "Okay, all done." He turns to Delta and orders, "Delta, I called Command. They wanted me to pass along condolences at South's passing."

Delta nods "Thank you. I will be sure to archive that sentiment."

"What do you tell them?" Church asks.

"I told them Caboose did it," Wash replies nonchalantly.

"Not not even hiding it," I chuckle, "Nice."

Wash shrugs, "Apparently they already have a shortcut on their keyboard for reporting his team kills."

"Control F U," Caboose chirps. As well all started to walk.

Wash looks apologetically at Church, "I would have told them you shot her, but, I wanted it to be believable."

Church glares, "Hey! My aim was fine."

"And yet, the Meta managed to dodge your rocket somehow," Wash skeptically retorted.

"No no, not dodge," Chruch firmly stats, "It was there one second, and it was gone the next. That's how I knew it was using Wyoming's power."

"And he was on the ship with Tex?"

"His head was," Caboose answers.

"His head?" Wash asks with a hint of surprise and disgust in his voice.

"His helmet," I correct.

"Yeah, not everybody is as twisted as you are, Wash," Church retorts, "Tex, took it for some reason."

"So if the Meta has Wyoming's powers, it's even more powerful than we thought," Wash mutters.

"And as scary as someone thought it was to begin with. Back to square one. Scary square," Caboose happily adds.

We then reached the beach, Wash groans, "Oh great, looks like it took one of our cycles." He turns to us and asks, "So, what do we do?"

Church replies, "What're ya, askin' us? I thought you were like the big know-it-all super agent guy?"

Caboose replies with his suggestion, "I would go home."

Church nods in agreement, "Yeah dude, retire. You got any savings, like a, 401K or something?"

Wash just ignores them and asks Delta, " Not without further data."

"So why does it want these A.I. things anyway?" Church asks curiously.

Wash explains, " A.I. help us in battle, depending on their functions. We couldn't run half our equipment without them. And if you get your hands on a smart A.I., you can be damn near unstoppable."

"Just look at the Master Chief and his A.I.," Rowe also adds, "He bitch slapped a Scorpion anti-tank missile away like it was a fly." She notices the surprised look, with a smirk she says, "I've seen the leaked footage."

"What, like smart like Delta here?" Church asks.

"Not exactly," Wash explained, "He's just the logical one of the family. Smart means something entirely different for A.I.s than it does for people."

"Now let's not go throwing around words like smart for no reason," Caboose laughs.

"Wash is correct," Delta replies, "We are more analogous to what you would call a "fragment.""

Church scoffs at Delta, "Actually, I don't care, so I wouldn't call you guys anything."

"Church don't be an ass," I grumble. Church just rolls his eyes.

"There is one smart A.I. in the freelancer program." Not surprising, it's a military funded program.

"Delta-" Wash warns.

"The Alpha is a fully formed-"

"Delta! That's enough," Wash growls before Delta would finish.

"What's the Alpha?" Church asks curiously.

"Probably just the name of the A.I. the program uses, all military funded programs have one," I replied.

Wash then says, "No, the Alpha is nothing. It's just a myth. A fairy tale." Sounds like he's hiding something.

Delta interjects, " It is hardly a myth. Agent Washington, you must have memory of the Alpha-"

"Delta!" Washington snaps, "Command. Offline."

"Complying," Delta then turns off.

"Oh," Church sarcastically gasps, "It looks like someone has a secret."

"I just get tired of hearing these things talk about their Alpha," Wash groans, "And you will too. They get obsessed with the idea of it. It seems like it's all they care about sometimes."

"Yeah," I nod, "But wouldn't a child who was adopted want to know who his real parents were?" Wash didn't seem to have an answer.

"But what is the Alpha?" Rowe repeats the question asked earlier.

"Yes, if it's something really scary, you don't have to tell us," Caboose dreamly replies.

"The whole purpose of the program was the study soldiers with experimental A.I.," Wash explains, "But rumor has it, they could only ever get one. So they had to copy it. The original was Alpha, then Beta, and so on."

"Makes sense, smart A.I.s cost a lot of money to make," I muse, but then I also reply, "I wasn't aware that you could copy an A.I., at least on the scale you're describing."

"Like I said," Wash repeats, "It was just a rumor."

" They copied them?" Church lets out a laugh, "Yeah, I k- I like that. I guess if one is annoying, then twenty of them are gonna be awesome."

Wash continues, "The copies became obsessed with this idea of the Alpha, the original. In debriefings they would always steer conversations toward the topic of the Alpha. Where it was, if they could see it. Some even took- drastic steps."

Church snorts, "Like, shooting their partner in the head drastic? Or-"

"I told you, she shot me in the back first!" Wash snaps.

"And we believe you," Caboose chirps. "Even though we don't think shooting a friend in the back occasionally, is that big of a deal."

"I'm surprised she lived this long actually," I chuckle. "Back in the UNSC, if uppers got word of rogue soldiers, they would have had ONI death squads all over that. Spartans if they really wanted that person dead."

Wash continues with his story, "Some Freelancers tried to get to Alpha on their own. They broke into the secret storage facility where it was kept. They almost got to it. After that they shut down the-"

*beacon sound*

Wash looks over to us, "Pipe down!" he orders as he grabs his radio.

"Recovery One, come in, level zero come in."

"Go ahead Command."

"Wash, we have a beacon."

"I'm getting it too. Do you have coordinates and an ID?"

"Are you sure about this I mean this is how we can be-" She appears to be talking to someone else.

Wash asks again, "Command, you're breaking up on me, please repeat, how what can be-"

Command cuts him off, "Hold on, I'm not talking to you Wash. And, and you're sure. Okay. It's Agent Maine, Wash."

"What?" Wash asks in surprise.

"Please confirm last transmission Agent Washington."

"Maine, how can that be? If-"

Command states again more sternly this time, "Please confirm, Recovery One."

"Yeah, it's him. It's the Meta."

"What?!" Church shrieked.

I deadpan and comment, "Well this is a new, interesting development."

"Command, give me those coordinates now."

"The Meta is a freelancer?!" Church cries.

"It all makes sense now," Rowe mumbles.

We all start to hear static as Wash tries to regain his connection, "Command. Command, come in! Delta, what's happening?"

Delta reports, "Our transmission is being jammed."

Wash growls with frustration, "Tell me you got the coordinates before we lost it."

Church is still ranting, "A freelancer-"

"It all makes sense now," Rowe repeats, "He knows how to operate all the equipment and A.I., of course it's a former agent."

Delta solemnly apologizes, "I am sorry, I did not."

"You gotta be kidding me!"

Delta also adds, " I did receive biocom data with the identification though. It appears as though the Meta is experiencing mass power fluctuations."

"Power?" Wash asks all confused.

This gives me an idea, "Delta?" I ask, "How much power does it take to run both the A.I. and the enhancements?"

Delta replies, "The suits are designed to run the A.I. and ability for as long as the battle is needed."

"Is there a way for the suit to run out of power?" I ask.

Delta ponders for a moment, "Yes, but it would take the user trying to use several abilities at once or trying to house multiple A.I.s at once."

Church then suggests, "Maybe all that A.I. and equipment can't run on one suit of armor?"

Delta nods, "That is an excellent analysis. The Meta is most likely dangerously low on power, and will attempt to augment its energy in some way."

"Then we need to get to it fast," Wash replies. He then turns to us and says, "But where?"

We all share a glance and I reply, "We might know where it's going."

 **Author's note: That's the end of that chapter. I changed who got Delta, I still have no idea what happened to Caboose when he lost Delta, so I feel like exploring that story path. I hope you guys liked it. If you liked the story please follow and favorite the story if you haven't already. Thank you guys for reading my story I'll see you later.**


	29. Devils and Monsters

**Author's Note: Finals week is finally OVER! In my honest opinion, I feel that test taking gives me cancer, doesn't matter if I know the content, I just feel the life draining out of me. Anyway, new chapter. I hope you enjoy it.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.**

Devils and Monsters

"This the place?" Wash asks.

I nod, "Yeah, this is it." Man this place is bringing back memories. Welcome back to Zanzibar as I believe it's called.

"Look," Wash points to the beach, "There's the other cycle. The Meta must be here."

Church sarcastically remarks, "Yeah because, no one else in the Military would have a standard issue motorcycle, just like that."

Caboose, not aware of Church's sarcasm also adds, "Also, the piles of dead bodies might have been a clue."

I also add, "Judging by the dent marks on the bike, I'd say that was the one you crashed into the tree." Church just angrily grumbles something under his breath.

Wash sternly commands, "Just keep your heads down, and your eyes open. I'm going to advance along that wall," he points to said wall. Wash then points at us, "You four take Delta and move up along the other side."

"Okay," Church answers.

" Don't use the radio unless it's absolutely necessary."

"Okay."

"And don't make a move until I do."

"Okay."

Wash lastly adds, "And no screw ups this time." That's….that's a lot of requests.

Church lets out a loud groan, "Okay, are we gonna sit here on the beach all day, or are we gonna go get this thing?"

Wash growls, "We only have one chance at this before it gets back to full power. I can't take any chances that you guys are gonna botch this."

"So much faith in our abilities," Rowe chuckles.

"Wait," I spoke up, "Why the four of us and just one of you?"

"There's a better chance that they…." Each points to Church and Caboose, "Won't botch this up again."

Delta then speaks up, " Agent Washington, perhaps it would be best if I assisted you in battle rather than helping Lockett."

"Thanks," I mutter.

"No," Wash firmly states.

Delta then tries again, "Not that I don't doubt the capabilities of Sgt. Maj. Lockett," what about my abilities? "But, statistically speaking, a Freelancer would be much better trained to use my-"

Wash immediately cuts him off and says, "I said no. Now get going." Guess he doesn't like the idea. We then walk off in our designated directions.

"He sure is cheery," I mutter.

"He only wants the best results out of this investigation," Delta treasures.

"Judging by who we are, he's not going to find much," I shrug.

"Pst, hey, Delta!" Church whispers.

Delta's hologram appears and he says, "Yes. How may I be of assistance?" While they talk, we make our way into the building up and down stairs past some bodies etc.

Church replies, "Hey, can I ask you a couple questions about this Freelancer program?"

"Certainly," Delta replies, "I will answer what I am capable of answering."

"This Alpha thing, wh- why doesn't Washington want you to tell us about it?"

Rowe rolls her eyes, "Wow, he just gets straight to it doesn't he?" I nod.

Delta replies, "I believe Agent Washington is uncomfortable discussing our program in any fashion. He was one of the many failures during the implantation process."

"One of the failures- how many were there?" Church asks curiously.

"Several. The Director felt time was limited, and escalated the pace of experiments. I would classify Agent South as another such "failure."" Delta explains.

"Not surprised," I mused. "Choices like those tend to cause more accidents and issues."

Delta nods, "That was also an issue which may have added to the failures."

"Ay yeah," Church nods in understanding, "But South didn't even get an A.I."

"Correct," Delta explains, "Agent South Dakota and her brother North were merely another kind of experiment. What would happen if one agent received an A.I. unit, and the other did not."

"We all know how well that went," Church mutters.

Delta nods, "Preciously."

"It makes no sense thought," I pondered, "A.I.s are expensive, even the dumb A.I.s, the UNSC would have never let a squad work, "hands on" with an A.I. unless they were 100% sure the squad handle it….which is probably why only only ever hand them out to Spartans, ONI agents and elite ODSTs. Your program took a serious risk with that experiment."

Church nods, "I mean yeah, I still can't believe she killed her own brother."

Delta corrects, "She put him in a position to be killed. South rarely worked in a direct fashion."

"What a bitch," Rowe murmurs.

"Did South ever show signs of jealousy or anything like that?" I ask curiously.

"Yes," Delta replies, "Agent South has often showed signs of jealousy towards other agents as well as having a history of emotional outbursts, usually of anger."

"And the Director still thought it was a good idea to continues with the experiment?" Rowe then asks.

"South had never shown any major signs before," Delta plexins, "But you're right, her outburst shouldn't have qualified her for that experiment but the Director felt the issues were small enough that the South and her brother would be able to work it out."

I let out a sigh, "I don't know how to respond to that." I really don't, Delta just nods.

Delta then continues, "Other experiments like the Dakotas were common towards the end. For instance, Agent Carolina was implanted with two A.I.s at one time."

"That must have went well," I snorted.

Church in shock replied, "Two of them? That would drive me nuts."

"It would drive most of us nots," Rowe adds.

"Indeed," Delta nods in agreement, "She only functioned for a short time, and not very well while she did. Having three minds at one time proved far too... taxing."

"How long did she last?" Rowe asks curiously.

"A little more than an hour," Delta replies. That says something.

"Wait," Church suddenly asks, "Well yeah, but if Agent Maine has more than one A.I., wouldn't he be having problems too? Like that Carolina chick?"

Delta explains, "Undoubtedly. Agent Maine's power symptoms are only a small indication of what must be happening inside his helmet."

"No kidding," Rowe mutters. We then reach the mechanical room and that was when we saw him, the Meta, there in the lower level.

"Warning. Enemy target detected," Delta reported.

"I see it yep, there it is," Caboose points at said person.

Church retorts, "Yes, thank you for stating the obvious." Ignoring them, I pull out my smg and flick the safety off, noticing this, Role then does the same with her assault rifle. "Look, there's Wash." We all look over and notice Wash set up on the other side at our level.

"It's show time," I whisper with a hint of excitement in my voice. Oh boy, the adrenaline high is coming in.

Church mutters, "I hope he gives us some kind of-"

"NOW!" Wash screamed as he threw a plasma grenade.

"-signal."

Wash the cires, "Move up!" and he starts firing at the Meta as he jumps down from the platform.

The Meta immediately starts firing grenades at Wash. Rowe and I both open fire as I rush across to platform to where Wash was last standing and jump onto the empty cargo container near the platform to see if I could get a better angle of fire on the Meta. Way to go Wash, now you are too close for me to use the rocket launcher. ….Thanks dude.

Wash charges in spraying his rifle at the meta as well as ducking and weaving around the grenades. Wash's rifle then click signalling that it was empty and the Meta rushes in. Wash lets out a mighty cry and he charges the Meta and swipes him with the butt of his rifle and manages to stun the Meta long enough for Wash to push past him. Wash and the Meta both then pull out their sidearms and resume firing at each other.

*click* "Fuck!" I cry. As I slap another clip into the smg I shout, "Delta! What can you tell me about the Meta!"

"From your experience?" Delta ponders, "The best comparison I can come up with is perhaps a brute chieftain."

"Really?" I ask in surprise.

Delta ponders for a moment longer before he answers, "Yes, a shorter, skinnier, and quicker brute chieftain. Also smarter."

"Huh," I muse, "That actually narrows my options down."

"What are you going to do?" Delta asks.

"Ever heard of the 'Helljumper takedown' Delta?" I ask.

Delta pauses for a moment as he looks up the term, "I am aware of it, yes," Delta pauses for a moment and continues, "But you don't have a trained squad of marines with you."

"Well…." I murmur. I watch as Wash tries to swipe the Meta again with his pistol only for the Meta to catch it with his right arm and punch Wash in the chest with his left sending Wash flying into the wall. I pull out my combat knife, "We're going to have to make do."

I then charge off the container letting out a mighty cry. The Meta, who was about to impale Wash with his brute shot pauses for a moment and turns to see me crashing down on him.

We both struggle for a bit as the Meta tries to throw my off. "Jesus," I grunt, I then drive my knife right into his shoulder.

The Meta lets out an angry roar and he grabs my arm and hurls me across the room.

"So that's what riding a bull feels like…." I mumble.

"AAARGH!" I look up to see the Meta rip my knife from his shoulder.

"Oh shit!" I cry as I roll to the right. I hear a sort of whistling noise as my knife flies past where my head use to be and clangs against the wall. Now finally having a clear shot, Rowe opens fire on the Meta who was picking up his brute shot. The Meta raises his arm to shield himself from the bullets for a moment before he rushes out of the room.

"Lockett!" Wash grunts as he rushes over to me.

"I'm fine! I'm fine!" I cry.

Wash turns to the others and angrily growls, "Don't just stand there, after it!" Church throws a grenade at the Meta and proceed to runs after him.

As I scoop up my knife, Delta says, "If I may," he then advises, "I recommend that we flank to the right and attempt to surpri-"

"Caboose!" I cry, "Go with Church!" I turn to Rowe, "Rowe with me!" We both take off down the platform that Delta recommended.

Rowe and I soon come to a balcony and we watch was the Meta runs past. A few moments later we Church, Caboose, and Wash reach the balcony behind the Meta. I pull out my rocket launcher and flick the safety switch off and then proceed to aim at the Meta, or well aim at where he was going to be to be more accurate.

"There!" I hear Wash cry. "Use your rifle!" I then fire the launcher. I don't actually hit the Meta, in fact I miss and hit somewhere to the left of him. The good news is that I managed to make him lose balance and cause him to stumble for a second.

"Shoot him!" Wash screams. Church sniping...this should turn out fine.

*bam*

"Damn it!" Church screeches as the shot misses and hits the windmill.

"Fuck!" Rowe and I scream as the shot ricochets above our heads causing us to duck down out of reflex. We then look over the railing and watch as the round ricochets another 7 times before it finally hits the Meta in the leg.

"Do you think we should have told Washy about Church;s issue with a rifle?" Rowe asks me.

"Nah," I shake my head, "He should have known."

"I got it, yes!" Church cheers. "Did you see that what a shot! I'm awesome!"

Wash hops over the railing and shouts behind him "It only counts if you call it!" Rowe and I share a glance before we run after him, we both nod in agreement at Wash's reasoning.

"Oh bullshit dude!" Church curtly replies. We all take off and rendezvous at a pool of blood.

Wash then points to a trail of blood, "Look there!" He then motions us to follow and whispered "Come on, quietly." We all then hear Tejano music. It then gradually approaches from a distance, getting louder.

Wash asks us, "Hey, do you hear something?"

Church shakes his head, "No?" Church listens for a moment and then he says, "Wait, yeah."

"What is that?" Wash asks, "Music?"

I then facepalm and Rowe sighs, "Oh boy."

"What?" Church asks us, he then comes to the same realization, "Oh no."

A very familiar warthog comes rushing past us.

"Yahaha, woohoo!" we hear Grif cry.

"Crap, what're they doing here?" Church cries. He then looks over to Rowe.

"Ah!" Sarge cries.

"Don't look at me!" Rowe replies defensively.

"Yeah, suck it Blues!" Simmons taunts.

"Sarge cheers "It's Red Army! There's nothin's gonna stop us now!" Then proceed to run into the windmill blade and fall over.

" Aw shit wall! Aw fuck this!" Grif cries.

Sarge then angrily complains, "Dammit! Grif you broke the radio."

"Good!" Grief curtly replies.

"Who are they?" Wash asks.

Church replies, "They're the Reds from our canyon."

In the background we hear Grif cry, "Double-fuck, windmill blade!"

Church then starts telling Wash "Look Wash, I don't know how they found us, or why they're here, but we don't have anything to worry about." We all stare as the warthog starts rising with the windmill blade.

" Seriously. Not a thing. These guys are idiots. They can't do anything right." Church continues oblivious to what's going on behind him. Man even Caboose can see it. Our eyes widen as Simmons cocks the turret.

"Running time," Caboose whimpers.

"Huh?" Church asks.

"Uhm, we might wanna take cover," Was murmurs. Church turns around and freezes. A few seconds pass before…*brrrttttt* **(AU: or what ever sound the gun makes.)**

" Yeah, take it Blue!" Simmons cries, "Suck it! Yeah, that's right!"

"Aw crap run!" Church cries and we do just that.

"Let's go assholes!" We all run off into the nearest building. The Reds take cover right across from us and resume firing.

"Where did these guys come from?!" Wash asks us.

"I have no idea," I reply.

"Do you think they're working with the Meta?" Wash asks.

"You serious?" I ask while chuckling at the idea.

"Working with them?" Church scoffs, "These guys don't do much working of any kind, so... no."

"We can't stay here Wash," I tell him.

"Sgt. Lockett is correct," Delta also adds, "Every moment we spend here, the Meta is getting closer to returning to full power."

"Plus we're also at serious risk if the Meta some how finds his way here into this room," Rowe also adds.

Wash nods, "Before we go, let me setup my biocom so that I can monitor your vitals if we get split up."

Church shifts nervously, "Uh... you can monitor your vitals?"

Wash replies, "I can check on the whole squad during combat. Keeps me up to date. It doesn't work on you for some reason."

Church flinches and stutters, "Yeah uh ah, sure there's a... perfectly, logical, explanation for that."

"So…." Rowe suddenly says, "What's the plan?"

I then remind Wash, "Wash, we need to end this now." All of a sudden the power goes out.

"Umm…." Caboose nervously asks, "What was that?"

"Oh no…." Wash's eyes widen. The power then comes back on.

"That's not good," I breath.

"Agent Washington," Delta warns, "My analysis indicates that the Meta is now back to full power."

Wash then growls, "We can't waste any more time with this nonsense." Wash steps out, fiddles with his helmet and then starts talking with his voice amplified like a megaphone.

Wash shouts, " Red Team. Attention, Red Team. Cease fire. Cease, fire."

Church then asks, " Hey how do you do that megaphone thing with your voice?"

Wash replies, "It's a voice amplifier. It's standard issue, all our suits have one."

"They do?" Church asks in surprise.

"What do you want?!" we hear Sarge shout.

"Yeah, what do you want?" Grif shouts as well. Oh yeah, he's a Sargent now...I wonder how Sarge is taking it.

"Shut up, Grif!" Clearly not well.

Wash continues, " We are not your enemy. My name is Agent Washington. I am part of a special task force-"

He is immediately cut off by Church, "Testing, te- holy shit, it does work! This is badass." I see Caboose about to do the same, I grab him and shake my head.

"Stop that!" Wash cries.

"Ah! Don't use that thing right next to me. You're killing my ears ya douche," Church complained.

Sarge laughs, "Wahoh no, we're not fallin' for that again."

"I am a special agent. From Command!"

That is immediately followed by, "And this is the voice of God. Give up your evil ways," you could probably guess who that was. "Join the Blue Team-" *whack*

"Ow! Hey come on, seriously, you're gonna break it."

I grab Church and shove him behind us, "Quit fucking around Church."

Sarge was still not buying it, "Haw yeah, well, if you're Command, then you'd know our secure code word, wouldn't you?"

"It's code word," I teall Wash. Wash looks at me all confused. "Trust, I'm pretty sure it's codeword."

Wash still looking at me with disbelief, turns back to the Reds and says, "Um….The codeword is….codeword?" They immediately stop firing. Wash looks back at me and I throw him a look that says, 'I told you do.'

"Everybody knows our code word!" we hear Grif angrily shout. We just sat there for a few moments just waiting.

"Man. It got pretty quiet out there," Church murmurs. "You don't think they're really working with the Meta, do you?"

At the moment Grif runs past our building almost hysterically crying, "Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, ooooh God!" as he is chased closely back a rolling jeep.

"...No," Wash replies.

Church peeks out to see the damage and shouts, "Oh my God, that guy got fucked up!"

Grif pops up from over the wrecked warthog and cries, "What the hell was that!?"

"Aw, he lived?" Church moaned, "That's bullshit." Church then comes back into the room.

Sarge then immediately starts chewing Grif out, "Grif, if I've told you once I've told you a thousand times, you gotta pay attention in battle! You can't let yourself get distracted by- oh crap, flying jeep."

"Run!" we hear Simmons cry. I assume both did just that with all the screaming everything the Meta could get his hands on crashing around them.

"Well. Guess they're definitely not workin' together," Rowe muses.

Wash cries, "Now that he's powered up he's just killing everything. We're next."

Sarge suddenly runs into the room yelling, "Move it or lose it!"

Simmons follows closely with, "Yeah come on, skootch, skootch."

Church cries, "Hey. Get out of here Reds. This is our cover."

"What is that thing?" Simmons cries.

"You guys remember Tex?" Church asks.

Simmons nods, "Yeah, the girl who kicked our asses all the time?"

Church continues, "Yeah well this thing's like, eight of her." Why do I feel like that comparison is a little off.

Caboose then says, "I too miss the scary mean lady right now."

Wash then says, " It must be at full power now. Church, you and the Reds keep it busy," he then turns to me and asks, "Do you have any rockets left?"

"Yeah," I reply, "One."

Wash nods, "That will have to do. Come with me, I have plan on how to get him." We then run off. We then run off and take the long way around to the machine gun nest overlooking the area.

"You wanna tell me the plan now?" I ask Wash.

"Hole on!" Wash gets on the radio, "Church how are you doing?"

Church girlishly screams back, "Eheee! We're dying!" I look over and I see the Mets still throwing things at them and Sarge is firing round at him trying to piss him off.

"Okay," Wash breaths, "When I say so, I need you to fire a rocket at the Meta."

"What will you do?" I ask,

Wash rips the machine gun from off the stand and he replies, "You'll see." He then runs back the way he came. I just sat there and readied the rocket launcher. Man I knew I should have packed more rockets.

"Sgt. Lockett?" Delta calls out.

"Yeah Delta?"

"I need you to do a favor for me?"

"What's that?"

"I need you to leave a message for Washington incase I get captured."

I laugh, "You really think that badly of me Delta?" I mount the rocket launcher onto my shoulder.

"No," Delta replies, "But we do have to prepare for the worst."

I didn't get a chance to answer as Wash then screams over the radio, "Lockett now!"

I aim the rocket launcher at the Meta, "Hey there," I silently greet.

*swoosh* The rocket hits the Meta, but miraculously he comes out unscaved. Fucking overshield.

I then see Wash pop around the corner and immediately start firing at the Meta, and just like that, he disappeared again.

I then hear Wash angrily cry, " It's gone! Dammit! You idiots, we almost had it!" They all seem to argue for a bit before Wash turns to me and over the radio says, "Alright Lockett, come on down."

I wave "Copy that." I turn around and start heading down the corridor. I then notice something down on the floor. I kneel down to get a closer look….it's blood. I glance around wearily as I unholster my smg. I squint at the something at the end of the hall. That's I saw him, the Meta decloaked and just stared at me.

"Lockett," Delta began, "We can't stay here. If we can get into a more open area, we may have a chance."

"Roger that," I whisper as I slowly back away, smg aimed at the former agent that had killed so many before. Meta just slowly stepped forward for every step I took back. The Meta's slow stride soon evolved into a sprint, in response I started running to. Any rounds I fired were absorbed by his powerful energy shields, I'm not going to get away at this rate. As an attempt to slow the Meta down, I pulled out a flare and dropped it right in hopes to stun him.

*boom* "RRRRRRAAAAGGGGHH!" Judging by the angry screams, it worked.

As I ran, I screamed into the radio, "Wash I've been engaged!"

"What?! Where are you?" he cried back.

"I'm heading to the generator room!"

"Stay put! I'm coming to you!"

"Sgt. Lockett," Delta comments, "I don't think we should stay here."

"We can't really keep running Delta," I replied as I reload my smg. "He'll catch us eventually, at least we are in a place Wash knows….seeing as he fought in this room earlier."

"We need to prepare incase you get incapacitated and I get captured," Delta reminds. Always prepare for the worst.

"Do what you have to do," I replied as I dropped the empty launcher, added weight is no good and that thing is useless without the rockets.

"Affirmative."

"Delta?" I whisper, "Can you detect him?"

"No I can….." Delta pauses for a moment. "...wait…..he's close."

"Wash!" I hiss into the radio, "Where the fuck are you?!"

"I'm coming!" Wash cried.

*crunch*

I immediately swing into the direction of the noise and open fire. 3 bursts, around 9 or 10 rounds, the Meta's cloak immediately drops. Meta takes the initiative and rushes me as I continue firing at full auto. The Meta closes the distance in a matter of seconds bringing his brute shot into an left handed upward strike.

"To your right now!" Delta orders. I side step, barely missing the blade by centimeters. The Meta runs into the conveniently placed wall right behind me. I bring my smg to bear and….

*click* All the color drains from my face. The Meta seems to laugh he raises his brute shot and starts firing. I barely manage to dive behind the cargo container in the room. Then everyone stops and I hear nothing but silence.

"Delta…." I whisper, "Where is he."

"On your six!"

I then hear the cloak go off behind me and I drop my head just as the blade slams into the container wall. I the butt of my smg upward hitting him right in the face stunning him. I roll away from the container and immediately start firing at him. The Meta unlatches his brute shot from the container and with is right hand swipes downward. I weave to the left and then aim my smg at him again only to have it knocked out of my hands from another swipe.

On instinct I tackle the Meta into the wall, pull out my knife, punch him in the face, and then drive the knife into his right arm thus making him drop the weapon. I smirk at my small moment of victory, I then attempted to deliver the killing blow with a downward strike only to be stopped by the Meta who easily catches it.

"Shit…." I grunt.

The Meta cocks his head curiously at my attempted stab. He lets out what I can only assume was a laugh and he starts squeezing my arm and pushing it downward and I then realize how much bigger the Meta is to me. Even with the stab wound in his arm, the Meta still had a vice like grip and all I could do is cry in pain as I attempted to break free. I soon lose the circulation in my hand and the knife falls harmlessly onto the floor, the fatigue from the battle finally starts taking precedent and my knees give out. The Meta then delivers a kick into my stomach knocking me down on my back.

"Aaaauughh," I cried as I attempted to get up, I think he may have broken some of my ribs.

"Lockett!" I hear Wash cry into my radio, "Your vital signs just spiked!" I look up to see the Meta casually pick up his brute shot. The Meta then looks at me as if he was studying me. I attempt to stand and at that moment time seemed to slow. The Meta in an upward swipe catches me in the stomach cutting into my stomach and chest. Next thing I knew I was on the floor with blood pooling from the new….openings in my torso.

"Alert," Delta warned, "You have been critically wounded."

"Yeah *cough* I got that," I hissed.

The Meta again casually walks up to me and picks me up in a one handed chokehold. With my feet dangling below me, the Meta lifts me up and looks straight into my eyes. He then proceeds to hurl me across the room like a ragdoll.

I slam into the wall on the other side of the room and then collapse into a heap. I feel a few more bones break, miraculously my spine was still intact.

As i start fading out of consciousness I hear my radio go off, "Locket!..." *static* "...there!" *static*

I could barely hear Delta remind me, "Remember the message."

As the darkness started to cloud my mind, I saw was the Meta looking down on me and I had one last thought, 'He was just playing with me this whole time, wasn't he?'

 **Author's note: That's a rap. I hoped you guys liked the chapter. I once again tried something a little more original and took some influences from Sgt. Forge vs Arbiter/ Red Team vs Atriox from Halo Wars 1 &2\. If you liked it great! If you didn't….oh well….hope you don't stop reading? If you liked this story, please follow and favorite if you haven't already. I love you guys for staying with me for so long, see you next week.**


	30. A Warm Place

**Author's Note: Here we go, new chapter, enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.**

A Warm Place

You know,most people hate waiting, just the waiting for whatever the future brings. As a soldier, that's one of the worst things to have to do. Just waiting for something to kill you, but me? I have learned to appreciate moments of waiting, sleep, and silence.

I close my eyes and listen to the waves crashing onto the beach right as the radio turns on playing an old tune that I found rather calming. *The radio plays "Look on Down From The Bridge" by Mazzy Star.*

I then open my eyes and glance at my surroundings. I was sitting in a simple white wooden beach chair next to a table the same color and just as simple with a tea set sitting on it. I looks around and noticed that I'm sitting on a beach head oddly similar to the ones on Hawaii back at Earth. I then stare out across the vast empty ocean, I leaned my head back and smiled as the sun's rays hit my face.

"This is nice," I murmured to myself.

I then slowly pick up the newspaper on my lap and I read the title, "Humanity At War With Aliens!" is said.

"Seems like only yesterday when this all happened," I sighed. I then hear soft footsteps from behind me.

Without even looking I calmly greet, "Hello Church."

Church let out a surprised gasp, he then asks, "Lockett?"

I put down the newspaper, turn to him and smile, "The one and only." I then point to the empty seat on the other side of the paper, "Would you like to take a seat?"

"Do we really have time for this?" Church asks. I guess he is in a real hurry.

"Relax Church," I tell him, "You're inside a person's mind, time moves slower here, 5 minutes in real time gives us 1 hour in dream world. You sure about not sitting?"

Church ponders about it for amendment before then slowly sitting down. He then warily asks, "How did you know it was me?"

"Well," I reply, "I certainly don't remember sending my projections to come and see me, also you're the only person out of our group who can hop into other people's minds."

Church then looks around, "Where are we?" he asks.

"Hawaii," I murmur in a dreamy like tone. I then turn to him, "So….what brings you here?"

"Well," Church explained, "You wouldn't wake up, Wash was about to have you airlifted out of here, Simmons went to go and distract him and I did the ghost thing."

"Oh," I murmured a little surprised. I then ask, "How's Rowe?"

Church looked puzzled, "She was actually the most calm out of all of us, even Wash."

I look back at the ocean and smile, I then whisper, "That's so like her."

"So…." I then speak up, "I assume you know why you are here?" I then close the newspaper and place it on the table and turn off the radio as Church nods.

I then take a long sip draining the cup on the table. I then get up and look at Church who is staring at me in confusions.

"Well…." I said, "Let's go," I nod my head in said direction.

Church suddenly snaps back into reality, "Oh…." Church then gets up and follows me. "W-Where are we going?" he then asks.

"A place where we can meet Delta," I replied as an old fashion elevator assembled itself in front of us. I step forward continue towards it as Church looks on in surprise.

I open the door and look back, "Well…." I spoke up breaking Church's trance, "Come along." Church then rushes forward and meets me in the elevator. I then pull the lever and we descends revealing a big box like garage area with everyone of my projections scattered doing their own thing. ( **Author's Note: It's foundry with some of the stuff shifted around to make two bases.** ) The elevator comes to a stop and I open the door.

"Come along Church," I instruct.

Church glances around and muses, "So this is your mind."

"Yeah," I shrug, "It needs a little restructuring….but it's mine."

Church now then replies, "No, it's fine. It's a lot better than the state Caboose's mind was in when I went there." Then a kid with bright blond hair and sky blue eyes no older than 8 comes running up to us.

"Speaking of Caboose," I murmured as I knelt down to greet him.

"Daddy!" Caboose greeted.

"Caboose?" Church asks in surprised.

"Hi Mr. Church!" Caboose cheerfully greets.

"Mr. Church?" Church asks me.

Ignoring him I ask Caboose, "Hey kiddo, how are doing doing today?" Kid always brings smile to my face.

"It was great!" Caboose then asks me curiously, "Daddy, do you love Mommy?" Wait….what?

"Mommy?" I asked, a little nervous.

"You are always happier with her around and you look at her all dreamy like," Caboose answers honestly. "You should always love those who make you happy! Big sister says so!"

"Big sister?" Church asks,

"Fergo," I tell him.

"Oh right," Church ponders for a bit, "Yeah I can see that."

Caboose then asks, "Are you and Mommy going to get married?"

"Cheeky brat," I chuckle, I ruffle his hair and then say, "Alright off you go, I need to see Delta." Caboose nods and then runs off.

Church then asks, "You view Caboose as a kid?"

"Yeah," I reply. "He always seems so innocent."

"So, who's Mommy?" Church asks.

"Uh-uh," I stutter, "Just someone who's been helping me take care of Caboose."

"Who?" Church asks curiously, "The only ones I see doing that are you, Fergo, and I, and I'm pretty sure I'm not a girl."

I then smirk, "That's for me to know and you to never find out." Before he could retort, a scream drags our attention away.

"GRIF!" someone shouts, we look over and see my version of Sagre who looks the same as he does in reality. "I TOLD YOU TO THIS ONE THING! AND YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!"

Grif decked out in his Orange armor just shrugs, "So?"

Sarge just gets angrier, "GRIF YOU LOUSY, FAT, USELESS, PIECE OF SHIT! DROP AND GIVE ME 20!"

"Been watching _Full Metal Jacket_ lately?" Church asks.

"What makes you say that?" I ask.

"Sarge sounds exactly like Gunnery Sergeant Hartman," I just shrug. I guess the old classic movies are still considered classic 500 years later.

Grif rolls his eyes and with slight annoyance in his voice replies, "No."

"I SAID DO IT!"

Slightly more annoyed now, Grif repeats "No."

"Yeah Grif! Do as Sarge says!" Simmons adds.

"Fuck you kiss ass!" Church turns to me with a perplexed look.

"No fuck you fat body!" Simmons retorts, "How are we supposed to beat the Blues with Sarge dragging your sorry ass?!" Simmons looks over to me as I wave, he quickly says something to Sarge and then walks over to greet me.

"Hey," I greet.

"Hey." He then notices Church, "Is that the real Church?" he asks.

"Yeah," I answer, "He's here for the message, where did Delta leave it?" Simmons points to behind him, I thank him and we then part.

"Other than that…." Church ponders, "They seem pretty much the same in real life. Though…." Church pauses as Donut in decked out in bright pink running gear, short-shorts and all comes running in.

"Alright! Ready? Let's Go!" Donut presses play on the stereo and starts dancing, like that kind you would see on the dancing infomercials about fitness.

"...Stereotyped," Church finishes. He then turns to me with a concerned look.

I sheepishly replied, "Well, I don't know some of them too well, all I have to go off of are stereotypes. I mean,m Simmons, I got him on like two split personalities man."

"Why?"

"Cause that's what it's like talking to him in real life," I explain. "He's like one way with Sarge and then he's almost a completely different person when Sarge isn't around." Church then nods in understanding. "Don't worry, I didn't change you much." We stop at a row of cans a quartet of shots ring out from the tower.

*bam* *bam* *bam* *bam*

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!" Church shrieks from the tower.

"Any improvement?" I ask.

"FUCKYOU LOCKETT!" Church screams. The real Church shoots me a glare.

"What?" I innocently ask, "That's what you're like in real life."

"No I'm not!"

I roll my eyes, "Whatever, let's go."

Wash runs up to us and cries, "Sgt. Lockett! Who's that?!"

Oh him, I point to Church, "His Church, he's here for Delta."

Washington then get's frustrated, "Why didn't you tell me that he was coming today? I have enough work to do taking care of everything, the least you could do is inform me when new situations arrive!"

"Okay, Wash, okay."

"It's not okay Lockett!" Wash cries. "What would you have done if the Meta had invaded your mind! Goddamnit you are so reckless sometimes, you are suppose to be in charge of them! How am I supposed to rely on you when you can't handle the most simple protocols!"

*bam*

We all turn to the noise and notice Sarge firing the shotgun at the ground near Grif's feet, yet Grif still did not budge. Wash growls something under his breath and rushes off to berate Sarge and Grif for….I dunno something.

"You think of Wash like that too?" a surprised Church asks.

"What?" I ask.

"A control freak," Church replies. I nod. Church notices something behind me and asks "Who are they?" I turn to face what Church was looking at and I see a couple of teenagers cuddling near the garage doors.

"Oh…." I murmur in realization, "That's Fergo and Tucker."

"Teenagers?" Church ask me.

I chuckle, "Have you seen the way they talk to each other? I swear it's like they got drafted right out of highschool!"

Church took a moment to think about it, he then starts chuckling, "Oh yeah. You're right."

We then stop at the center of the room, "Alright, we're here."

"Delta?" I call out.

"Hello Lockett, Church," Delta politely greets.

"Delta?" Church nervously asks.

I then inform Church, "He has a message for you."

"Awesome!"

Delta then explains "Unfortunately, I have been taken by the Meta. This is merely a memory I left in Lockett's mind to help you along your way."

Church now confused, asks, " Well then how are you talking to me?"

Delta replies, " I am not. I merely used logic to determine what questions you would ask, and in what order. Then I left the appropriate responses."

Church rolls his eyes, " Oh really?"

Delta nods, "Yes. Really. I left this memory in case you found it. Please tell Agent Washington, that memory is the key."

"Memory is the key," I repeat.

"Memory is the key?" Church now confused, he asks, "What does that mean?"

"Wash will know," Delta replies.

Church groans, "Okay seriously, does it have to be a riddle? Can't you just tell me what you want me to do? How hard would that be?" Church then turns to me, "I bet this is your fault somehow."

I growl, "Church, we're all on a need-to-know basis. Just do what Delta asked you to, I did my job, you do yours."

Church then turns back to Delta and asks, "Well if you're in the Meta, then why don't you just help us from the inside?"

"Church, I have to be objective. The next time you see me, I may not want you to help me," Delta warns. I then feel a kick and everything turns white.

 _Linebreak_

The first things I hear are these murmurs. After a few moments they clear up to reveal the voices of Church and Wash.

"I don't want explanations, I want the truth. Now. When were you gonna tell me about this?" Wash growls. Looks like Wash just found out Church's secret.

I hear Church shuffle his feet and sheepishly reply, "Okay, maybe I should start from the beginning. You see, Caboose here, killed me by accident once. Well actually, more than once." Nice way to sum it up.

Caboose retorts matter-of-factly, "Not my fault. Tucker did it."

"Shutup," Church growls.

Wash then repeats Church's explanation, "He killed you. As in... dead." It does sound kind of dumb when you put it like that.

I finally am able to crack my eyes open to see Rowe without her helmet hunched over me checking my vitals, everybody else was crowded around me, oh and Church was in his ghost form. I am at this point still too tired to move, but I also notice my helmet lying beside me..

Sarge then continues, "Then we reached an agreement. I built Blue over here a new body-"

" Agreement?" Church laughs, "More like we kicked your ass, and you didn't have much of a choice of what you wanted to do."

"Who kicked what now?" Sarge sputtered.

Simmons who seemed appalled by the possibilities, retorted, "What're you an idiot?"

"You wanna take that back?" Sage growled.

"You guys totally gave up!" Church cried.

"Bullshit!" Grif cried back. Looks like they still argue about shit like this.

Church argues back "That was the time that Texas kicked your asses all over-"

"ALL OF YOU! QUIET!" Rowe suddenly screams, and everyone was immediately dead silent. I guess Rowe must carry quote a bit of authority among her team.

Wash then looks at me and asks, "How is he Corpsman?"

She turns to Wash and with her voice as smooth and calming as ever replies, "I don't know, he seems physically fine, but I don't know why he won't wake up. We might have to get him out of here."

Wash lets out a defeated sigh, he kneels down in front of me and removes the A.I. chip that had once stored Delta from the back of my helmet. He then stands up looking at the empty card, he then says, "I'll radio command, get him CASEVACed, I promise, I won't leave him here."

At this point I reach up and grab his arm.

"No, you won't," I grunt. Surprised by the newly added weight, Wash then helps pull me up and I grab my helmet.

"You crazy bastard," Wash sighed, "Why did you try and take on the Meta on your own?"

"Yeah!" Rowe angrily cries, "Do you have any idea how worried we were?!"

Wash sighs, "Just hear the list of injuries you had," he turns to Rowe and gives her the go ahead.

Rowe begins listing them off, "Deep lacerations in both your stomach and your chest, contusions on your stomach, neck, and all over your back, multiple cracked ribs, fractured arm, and a concussion."

Church adds, "You almost didn't make it man, seeing you lying there in a heap with a puddle of blood pooling from you was….it wasn't easy to see like that, Caboose was practically in tears."

"But I knew you would make it," Sarge laughed. "You're too tough to just die. Not as tough as me though." I chuckle for a bit, but the smile is quickly replaced by a frown.

"Wash…." I solemnly began, "Delta-"

"I know…." Wash sighed. "Church here was just about to tell me about his….issue." Wash turns his attention back to Church, "As I was saying, how did you build him a body?"

Sarge replies, "With a robot kit of course. I'd already used ours to build our helper. Lopez."

"And a mighty fine job you did too, Sir," Simmons complimentaed.

Grif rolls his eyes and sarcastically remarks "Yeheah, it's always great to have a helper no one can understand."

Sarge then scratched his head and adds, "Blue Team hadn't used theirs for some reason, and they even had an extra. We used that for your buddy uh, whatsername."

"Tex," Rowe adds.

"That's right," sagre continues, "We built a new robot body for Church and Tex."

Wash raises an eyebrow at this, " And that didn't strike anyone as odd? That you would have a kit to build a robot that looks like a soldier?"

"That's just standard issue equipment. Right?" Simmons asks. I'm pretty sure it's not.

Wash then cries, "What? No. Have you ever run into anyone else who has one?"

"Yes," I mumble.

Wash shoots me a look before saying, "Other than you."

Rower looks down and shuffles her boots as she says, "We don't really get out that often." Yeah….we really don't.

Sarge then growls, "Okay, smart guy. If they're so rare, then why did Command send us upgraded ones when we were told to ship out to Rat's Nest?"

"You guys went to rats nest too?" Church asks in surprise.

"Oh yeah," I murmur, "I forgot to mention that to you."

Ignoring Church, Sarge continues, " I used some of the spare parts to spruce up Lopez."

Rowe looks over to Sarge and asks, "Spare parts? Did you fix his language setting?"

Sarge scratches his chin and mumbles, " You know, I didn't even think about that until just this second," He then shrugs and chuckles, "Kind of obvious in hindsight.

Probably best not to mention it to him if you see him."

Simmons shrugs as well, "Meh, he wouldn't understand anyway."

Church deadpans, "Your team sucks."

I shook my head, "Church don't act like you're any better"

"What?" Church asks all confused, "What's that suppose to mean?"

I roll my eyes, "Even though Sarge's engineering skills are modest at best, at least they can be put to good use. What can you do Church?"

"W-wha….I can do a lot of stuff?" Church fires back.

"Caboose has a better shot than you Church," I sigh, "And he knows how to drive better." Church looks like he's about to argue back but I cut him off, "Again what do you do Church? You kind of just sit there and scream orders at us. Hell," I motion to my team, "They don't even really listen to you, everyone looks at me or Tex for confirmation after you make a plan."

Sarge then adds in, "Yeah, at least our robot isn't the lea-I mean co-leader of our team. Bluebot."

"Would you like some neosporin for that burn Church?" I chuckle.

"Shutup," Church grumbles.

Caboose finally speaks up, "Hey! That's not nice. He means us right?" Caboose asks me. I just nod.

Wash finally snaps, "Stop it! I can't stand this. No more bickering. You have to be the most immature soldiers I've ever met!"

"Was wonderin' when he was gonna sap," I hear Rowe murmur.

"Your face is immature," Grif jeers.

Rowe turns to Grif and sighs, "Really?"

Wash growls at him, "Shut up," he then turns to the rest of us, " From now on everyone just keep quiet and don't talk unless I ask you a question. That's an order. I need to figure this out."

Sage then angrily shouts, "Hold on, you can't order us around!"

Wash scoffs, "Yes I can."

"What's your rank?" Sarge counters. Oh boy, I wonder how well they'll take this news.

"My rank?" Wash scoffs, "You still don't get it, do you? You think you're real soldiers? You're not. You guys are nothing. The only real soldier here is him…." He then points directly at me and continues, "...And his rank is the same as when he was court marshaled, a corporal."

Grif retorts, "Whatever. Your face is... nothing." Rowe as a response just facepalms.

"Dude," I sighed, "That didn't even make any sense."

Wash continues, "We used your outposts as testing grounds. Practice. You never noticed that you never had anything to do unless a Freelancer showed up, or you made a call to Command?"

"...You're makin' that up," Sarge growls.

Wash shoots him a glare, "Am I? "Think about it. Name one thing that ever happened to you that wasn't directly preceded by Command calling you, or sending someone to your base. One thing. ...Anything? No? I thought so." He then turns to Sarge, Grif, and Simmons, "You three go assess the vehicles. See if you can find some trail of the Meta while you're at it."

While they ran off, Simmons chirps, "Ooh, finally a take-charge leader! I like it!"

Both Grif and Sarge grunt, "Shut up."

He then turns to Church, "Church, get back in your armor. You're just going to draw attention to yourself like that."

Church nods, "Fine. But first-"

Wash turns to me and asks, "Are you gonna be able to move." I nod. Wash replies, "Okay. put take it easy, Rowe and I may have managed to glue you back together, but I can't risk any of those wounds reopening." Wash then turns to Rowe and says, "Rowe, you and Caboose keep an eye on him. Make sure he's fine."

"Alright."

"Okay."

"Wait Wash," he turns to me.

I told him "Delta had me leave a message incase he got captured."

Delta then turns his full attention to me, "Delta? Why didn't you tell me?"

I sheepishly shrugged, "Well, you and Church seemed kind of busy. Well, he had me give it to Church, Delta was very specific on who I should tell."

Wash turns his head curiously to Church and asks, "How did you get in contact with him?"

Church explained, "He left a message for me in Caboose's head. Actually for me to give to you. I guess he figured out I would get in there and find it."

Wash just gets more confused, "How would he know that? Did he know what you are?" He then turns to Caboose, Rowe, and I and asks, "Did either of you three tell him?" We all shake our heads.

I ponder for a moment, "Normally I would have said maybe he just looked at our files….but I'm pretty sure we never reported church's abilities." I then turn to Church and ask "Did we?" Church shake his head.

Church then shrugs, "He seemed pretty smart. Maybe he just put two and two together."

"Four!" Caboose cheers.

"That wasn't a test," Church groans.

Caboose puffs his chest and says, "Yes it was I won A-plus," and he jerks his thumb at himself for more emphasis.

Wash then asks, "What was the message?"

Church replies, "Memory is the key."

Wash's eyes widen for a small moment, "Memory is the key. Did he say anything else?"

I shake my head, "No."

Caboose then asks, "Memory is the key? What does that mean?"

Church shrugs, "He said Wash would know." I'm pretty sure he does.

"Memory is the key," Wash repeats to himself.

Church comments, " Yeah I know, it didn't make any sense to me either. Just sounded like some kind of stupid riddle or somethin'."

Wash then turns to us and says, "Gather your gear. We're leaving. Now." He then walks to where the Reds were.

Caboose whispers to Church, " I think he's angry because of what you said to him."

Church snorts, "Yeah. If I knew it was gonna make him leave I would've said it sooner." They both then start walking, Church turns to me and ask, "You guys coming?"

I turned to Rowe and see the concern in her eyes, "Give us a moment will you?" They nod and head off.

Rowe then runs another scan on me, "Are you sure you're okay?" I nod. "Good," she murmurs, she then backs away and then….

*thwack*

"OW!" I cried.

"Do you have any idea what you put us through?" she angrily hisses. "If we arrived any later you would have died!" She then looks away, and hoarsely asks "What would we have done if you died! What would have Caboose done?" As Rowe silently cried, I noticed that this was the first time since I got knocked out that Rowe had had a chance to let go of her emotions.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, and I pulled her into a hug. "I didn't mean to scare you guys like that."

She rolls her eyes, "*sniff* You idiot. Always trying to make my job at keeping you alive harder." She then turns and looks me right in the eyes, "Don't do that again Jonathan."

I apologize again, "Jacklyn, I'm sorry."

She back away and nods, "We all need you here. If you die then there goes our best chance of getting out of here." She then chuckles, "And there goes the last interesting person to talk to."

"We wouldn't want that to happen now would we Doc?" I smirk.

Rowe return the smile, "What am I going to do with you Jonathan Lockett?" she sighs.

"I'm not sure either," we both chuckle, "I'll get back to you when I find an answer."

I then put on my helmet and say, "Come on, let' go, they're probably waiting for us." Rowe picks up her helmet, she pauses for a moment and stares at me, she then leans over and plants a kiss on the side of my helmet before putting on hers.

"Try to be more careful next time hm?" she asks as we walk to the beach. We arrive to Wash going over a plan with the guys.

"Guys what's going on?" I ask.

Wash explains, "All our vehicles are busted. So we're going to have to go and get new ones. And I know exactly where we can find them."

Church then asks, "Why, where are we going?"

Wash responds with, "Delta was right. Memory is the key."

"But what does that mean?" Church asks.

Wash explains, " It means that only one thing remembers everything about these A.I. and where they come from. It will know how to stop them. We need to unlock the Alpha."

"The Alpha?" I ask in surprise.

Wash nods and says "Here," he then tosses me my rocket launcher and hands me extra rockets.

He turns to Church and says, "And that means we're going home. ...We're going to Command."

 **Author's Note: New chapter up. I know I let out a couple characters from Lockett's mind. If it really bothers guys, I'll consider adding them in on a later date. Other than that, I hope you guys like reading my story so far, please favorite and follow if you haven't yet. See you soon.**


	31. Breaking and Entering

**Author's Note: Hey new chapter! I thought I should let you guys know, since Seasons 9 and 10 go into the backstory of Project Freelancer, I plan on telling the story of how Lockett got court martialed. You shall all finally find out about what happened with the limo! I don't actually remember what chapter I wrote that, I remember writing it but I don't remember where I wrote it so I'm sorry if I can't give you guys anything to reference. I mean you can go looking for it if you want.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.**

Breaking and Entering

"This is going well," I muttered.

We all watch as the Sarge, Grif, and Simmons in their warthog getting chased all around Valhalla with another warthog close on their tail. Looks like their gun just jammed, that's plain ol' unlucky.

Wash lets out a heavy groan, "Nuhh, I knew this plan wouldn't work."

"Why are you so surprised?" Rowe asks.

Church then responds, "We all knew this plan wouldn't work. None of our plans ever work…." he then glances over to me, "Well, most of them."

Caboose nods in agreements, "That's why we carry guns."

Wash then starts mocking Sarge's words, ""We can get a car, no problem. We're better with vehicles than the Blues, let us handle this." Why did I even listen to them?"

"I told you not to," Church reminded.

"Yeah, well, I already stopped listening to you three bases ago," Wash retorted.

Caboose frowns, "Well that's not very-"

"And I never started listening to you," Wash growled.

"But I also tried to warn you," I reminded.

Wash pauses for a moment, "Okay you got me there….but I'm right about the rest!"

I glance over to Rowe and she just gives me a shrug before we go back to watching the Reds.

We all watch as Grif manages to force the other warthog into the base. I guess they thought it was a wall.

"Can you imagine the look on their faces when that warthog rolled up to them through the doorway of the base?" Rowe murmurs, I nod. I actually can. Thus the chase continues.

"Aw man," Caboose murmurs, "That jeep has a really big gun."

"Don't get any ideas, "Church growled.

Wash lets out a sigh, "Well I guess I'd better get down there and save them," he then starts walking down the hill. He then groans, "I'm really starting to hate this part of the job."

Caboose tried to make him feel better, "Well at least you're getting a lot of practice at it."

"Don't patronize me," Wash angrily hisses.

Church then shouts after him with a suggestion, "You know, if we let one or two of 'em die we could probably all squeeze into one car. Just saying, you should think about it."

"Yeah we were lucky to even have a mongoose still intact," I grumbled.

Caboose then shouts, "Oh, and if enough of us die, we can fit on a motorcycle!" We all just stare at him.

Church then says, " Alright good, he's gone. Caboose, Lockett, Doc, you guys stay here, I'll be right back."

Caboose asks in surprise, "You're leaving?"

Church nods "Yeah," he then leaves his body. " For some reason he doesn't want me to see Tex's body. I'm gonna go try to find her."

Caboose whimpers, "Um... Don-, don't leave me here with your body. It stares at me, and I don't like it."

Church rolls his eyes, "You'll be fine. You got Lockett and Doc Rowe to look after you." Church then leaves.

"Seriously," Rowe groans and asks me, "Did this just happen?" I sadly nod. Church's body then starts making a humming noise.

"Stop it!" Caboose growls.

We then glance back to the Reds as they drove to the cliffs looming over the river.

"He's not seriously going to try and make that jump is he?" I ask Rowe. Rowe stars hard at the trio as they drive closer to the ramp like rock.

"No," Rowe deadpans.

He then watch as Grif steps on the breaks and the warthog skids right to a sideway stop right at the edge of cliff. The warthog instead jumps right as Simmons manages to unjam the gun and blow it up.

"Told you," Rowe smirks.

"Was a good kill though," I comment. I then zoom in on Wash as he runs up to the Reds, "Oh look, it's Wash….boy does he look pissed."

"Well, we were suppose to get two jeeps remember?" Rowe reminds me, "Two jeeps, for six people-"

"With the two of us on the mongoose," I finish.

We then once again quiet down as a hornet rises right behind Wash while he's talking to the Reds. Wash and the Reds slowly turn around and make eye contact with the pilot.

"Looks like the hornets going to get them." I murmur.

"Yeah," nods Rowe. "But I wouldn't put my money on it. All of us tend to have a habit of getting out of life-or-death situations pretty easily." Caboose then runs up to me and taps me on the shoulder.

I turn to him and greet, "What's up?" Caboose points to the Blue base where the guards were posted. Rowe and I look over just in time to see Church run up and possesses one of the guards. They spend a few moments talking before Church walks off into base.

Rowe incredulously responds, "Okay, either the guards are dumber than I thought or Church just had recently added a few more points to his charisma."

"Probably put 10 points into his speech," I also add. Then my radio goes off, "One moments." I turn away and answer, "This is Lockett."

"Dammit." Wash growls, "Lockett! What is Church doing?"

"What are you talking about?" I lied. I look over to the empty body, "Church is right here. You know, just standing next to me….and not moving."

Rowe deadpans, "Smooth." I just shoot her a glare.

Was then sarcastically asks, "Oh really. Can you put him on then?" Oh shit. I look over to Rowe for help and she pretty much plays charades with her hands, too bad I have no idea what she means. Waving your hands around does not translate into words!

I glance over to the body, "Uh….About that….."

"Lockett…." Wash growls, "Where's Church."

"Say something!" Rowe hisses.

"He's uh….not-he's busy," I manage to stutter.

"Doing what?" Wash patiently asks. I got an idea.

"He's off masturbating."

"What?" Wahs asks confused at what he just heard.

"What?" Rowe mirrors.

Ignoring her I continue, "Yeah, he's off on a combat jack. He got really horney and cranky so I told him to go rub on off in the bushes or something." Man this is great.

Rowe gives me a "WTF" look and I just shrug with a shit eating grin plastered on my face.

"In Fact," I chuckle, "Church told me that he was into to beastiality."

Rowe blanches "That's disgusting dude."

I continue on ignoring her, "Especially dogs, you know, when I guy is out in the field for too long, he gets horny enough to fuck anything you know?"

I look over to Rowe. I noticed that Rowe was looking wide eyed straight ahead. I looked over in the same direction and see Wash staring directly at us. Man does he looked pissed. Then an explosion hits and shakes the cliff we were standing on enough so that Church falls over.

"So much for a combat jack," Rowe mutters.

I look over to the noise and say on the radio, "Uh….I'm going to have to call you back."

 _Linebreak_

*boom*

"This is going great," I hear Rowe mutter. I nod just watch as the Red trio drives past us with the hornet close on the tail. Wash and Church then join us.

"What is going on out here?" Wash shouts.

"What does it look like?" Sarge shouts back.

"We're running from the stupid plane!" Grif also shouts.

Wash then shouts, "Well, we need to leave. We have a Warthog at Blue Base. We'll take that and you follow me."

"What about the ship?!" Sarge cries.

"Well, take it down!" Wash incredulously cries.

"It's not that simple!" Sarge cries back.

I then shout, "You guys have on your jeep a three barreled .50 caliber chain gun that's designed against light-armored vehicles and aircrafts! Just sue that!"

"It jammed again!" Simmons cried.

I then turn to Wash, "Well, you're on your own." Wash just stares at me.

Grif then shouts, "If it's so easy, why don't you do it?"

"Fine!" Wash shouts, he then walks off. He then fires a few bursts at the hornet drawing its attention away from the Reds.

"Oh no," Rowe groans, "Look what you guys did." Right as the Reds come to a stop next to us.

"Should we help him?" Church asks.

Grif shrugs, "We could, or we could take bets on how long he's gonna live. I got ten bucks that says it's less than a minute."

"I'll take that action," Church quickly replies.

I reach back to stretch my arm and I feel it hit something. I look over to see what it was and….oh….oh yeah. I almost forgot I had that.

"I'll be right back guys." I then walk off the the cliff where Church's body was.

"Hi Lockett!" Caboose greets.

"Hi Caboose."

I then pull out the rocket launcher and flick the safety off. I aim and fire at the hornet right as it comes to a stop in front of the Red base. The rocket flies and hits the cockpit disintegrating the pilot as the rest of the hornet explodes and plunges down into the river below. Hm, I feel a little hungry, I sling my rocket launcher and then look into my pack.

"Ooo," I smiled, as I reached in and pulled out a Snickers bar. Aww, man am I so lucky for stashing all the candy they give us in those MREs. I unwrap it and take a bite, I then look over to Caboose who was staring at me.

"Here you go kid," I toss him a Hershey's bar I had. Caboose caught it and then stared at me like I had just given him gold. "Come along." With that we walked off to meet up with the guys who were still where I had left them.

Caboose and I come slow enough to hear Wash angrily shout, "Okay! What just happened?"

They all share glances with each other before Grif replies, "Don't look at us we don't know."

I then step on a twig and everyone's attention was now focused on Caboose and I, particularly me.

"What?" I asked. I thought they may be looking at the candy bar, "I got hungry." I then looked over my shoulder and saw the still smoking barrel of my rocket launcher. "Oh yeah," I murmured. I turned back to the group and said, "You guys were taking too long. I got bored. Anyway, can we go now?"

 _Linebreak_

We were now gathered outside Blue base with all the intact vehicles.

Wash then explains, "Alright, I need suggestions. The Freelancer Command Facility is an underground complex of secure bunkers and fortified chambers. Let's put our heads together and see if we can figure out a way to get in there."

Grif raises his hand "I have an idea."

Wash quickly shoots him down, "And 'let's not do it' is not an acceptable play."

Grif replies, "Oh. Well you probably should have said that before you asked for suggestions."

Wash turns to us and says, "Next idea."

Rowe turns to me, I whisper "Hold on, I want to hear all their ideas first." I know how dumb their ideas are, doesn't mean they aren't entertaining to listen to.

"Why don't we call Command, and ask them what the proper procedure is for invading their headquarters?" Simmons offered.

"Simmons you're not even trying!" Rowe cries. Sarge then steps forward, I bet he's going to offer blowing it up.

Sage then says, "How about we build a makeshift nuclear device, and blow the entire place to kingdom-"

Wash then cuts him off, " No. We have to get in there."

"Why?" Simmons asks.

"'Cause we need to unlock the Alpha," Wash replies.

"That what?" Simmons continues.

"It's the main A.I. from Project Freelancer," explained Church, "You know all the A.I.s that we've been dealing with over the years? It's where they were all copied from originally."

That just seems to make Simmons more confused, "You can't copy an A.I."

I add, "I think the closest you can get is using to same brain tissue to make two A.I.s, but I am pretty sure they will be different. Like twins."

Grif asks in disbelief, "The main one? Fuck that. Those things have caused all of our problems. Why would we go looking for the main boss one?"

Church turns his gaze towards Wash, "That's a good question. Agent Washington? Do you wanna answer that?"

Wash replies, "You'll understand everything soon enough." How vague.

Simmons then firmly states, "We're not going."

Wash didn't seem to expect that answer, "What?" he asked in surprise, "You have to go."

Simmons shakes his head, "Not really."

Wash cries, " We can't infiltrate Headquarters with just five people. You're coming. That's an order."

"Order?" Grif scoffs, "You're not our Commanding Officer. We don't even know what rank you are."

"I'm a Freelancer!" Wash shouts.

"Not a rank dude!" Grif retorted.

"I knew this would happen," Rowe muttered.

I then decided to speak, "You know, the other Freelancers never gave orders, they just offered to trade favors."

Wash lets out a sigh, "Okay, then let's bargain. What do you want?"

At this, all the Reds, including Rowe join together and hold a conference where they discussed. From our vantage point we could vaguely hear some of the whispers of some of their requests.

"Three words guys," Grif whispers.

Sarge whispered "New base-"

"Gold Plated Vagina," Grif whisperer.

"Shutup!" Rowe hisses.

"Lasers."

"Always with that," Simmons groans.

"Nudie mags."

"Try to get us something more useful."

"Robots and lasers. Lasers, and robots."

"That's the same thing Sarge!"

"Milkshake."

"I said useful grif!"

The Reds soon all turned back to us.

"Alright, we talked about it, and we figured out what we want," Sarge announces.

Wash nods, "Alright, let's have it."

"We want you to demote Grif," Sarge replies. Saw that coming.

"Done," Wash agreed.

"What?!" cried Grif.

Rowe looks at Sarge in disbelief while Simmons sighs, "Another wasted opportunity."

Wash then announces to Grif, "Congratulations. You are now Private Grif again."

Sarge then asks, "Got anything lower?"

Wash ponders for a bit, "Private, Junior Grif?"

"Recuit? Trainee?" I also ask.

"Don't help him!" Grif growls.

Sarge comments, " I was thinkin' something with an insulting adjective, or... maybe a demeaning adverb..." Okay?

Wash offers, "How about, Minor Junior Private Grif, Negative First class?"

"You made that up just now didn't you?" I ask. Wash ignores me.

Sarge chuckles, "Heh heh, I like the way you think."

Grif deadpans, "You realize you just doomed us to certain death just so you could insult me, right?"

Sarge shrugs, "Hey if we do get killed at least we'll go out on a high note. Well everybody but you. That's to be expected, you haven't had a high note in five years! Why break the Goddamn streak."

Wash then reminds us, "We still need to figure out how we're getting in there,"

Caboose raises his hand, "Mister Washington? I have an idea."

Wash turns to Church and I, " I really shouldn't even bother asking, should I?"

I shrug while Church replies "I don't know, Caboose? An idea? I think he's bluffing."

Caboose shakes his head, "No uh, it's a really good idea. We drive there."

I facepalm while Church rolls his eyes, "Yeah, he was bluffing."

Caboose continues, "We're going to Freelancer City, right? The place where Freelancer's from. And this is a Freelancer car! If they think that we are Freelancers, because we are in their car, they will just let us right in!"

Wash then reminds him, "But you don't look like Freelancers. Or Recovery Agents."

"Well…." Rowe speaks up, "We could 'borrow' the uniforms from the guards here and hide ours in the trunk. So that means we got the second warthog covered, and that takes two of us out of the equation."

Caboose also adds, "Plus, they can't see the inside of a tank."

 _Linebreak_

The warthog Rowe and I were in pulls up to the gate with Wash's warthog and the tank behind us.. One of the guards walks up to me and I point to the behind.

"I almost feel bad for them," Rowe mermaid. She meant the Reds and Caboose all cramped in the tank.

"I am surprised the tank even fit them all," I chuckle.

I then hear the guard say, "Alright. Uh, story checks out. Looks like there was a new incident at Outpost 17B. Glad you fellas made it out okay."

Wash nods and replies, "Yeah, thanks."

Church then starts rambling, "Yeah, it was crazy. We lost a lot of good men. Especially Joe, Joe Johnson. He was a great guy. I remember he had a girl back home named... Fritzy." I look to the back of us and I see Wahs quickly whisper something to him.

Church quickly finishes, "He also had a dog named Mister Chomps. Anyway he's dead now, it's sad."

The guard nods, "You're clear now. So drive on to Building 3."

The gate opens and we drive on through.

Wash replies, "Understood. Thanks, soldier."

The Church, over the radio says, "Can't believe that worked."

Wash now slightly on edge says, "Yeah. Seemed like it was too easy."

I laugh at Wash and say, "Wash, you're gonna learn when you work with us, there's no such thing as too easy. You're just being paranoid."

Wash sighs, "Yeah. You're probably right."

 **Author's Note: That's the end of chapter 31. I hope you guys liked it. I am serious about the prequel thing, if you want to see it let me know, if you don't I'll just skip to season 11, no problem. Thank you for reading my story, if you like it and want to see more please favorite and follow if you haven't yet. If you guys have like any questions or anything, just let me know, I'm never that busy to respond. I'll see you guys soon.**


	32. The Alpha

**Author's Note: I an going to address this now as I feel like I should have a while ago. Rooster Teeth hasn't really said what year the series takes place since it apparently exists in an alternate universe than the Halo universe. I'm going to have to make on up, the timeline I'm going to set is 2550-2553. The original Blood Gulch series takes place towards the end of 2550 to about mid 2551. Reconstruction starts towards the end of 2552 and so on. Probably not what it should be, but for the sake of making it easier for me to write, that's what I'm going with.**

 **This for now, is how old I feel the characters are. Take it or leave it.**

 **Red Team** **:**

 **Sarge: 50**

 **Grif: 29 (I just feel Grif would be older than Simmons)**

 **Simmons: 28**

 **Rowe: 26**

 **Donut: 22**

 **Blue Team:**

 **Church: 33**

 **Tucker: 25**

 **Fergo: 25**

 **Caboose: 22**

 **Lockett: 30**

 **Wash: 35**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue. Let's be honest though, if fanfiction wasn't legal, we wouldn't have gotten all those Star Wars books that came out before the prequels….man, that was such a dumb joke.**

The Alpha

 _Freelancer HQ_

"Hey Lockett?" Rowe Rowe called out.

"Yeah?"

"How did you get court marshalled?" she asks. Oh shit, I knew this was going to come up at some point.

"Yeah," Simmons joined in, "You never actually told us….like at all."

"Well…." I sighed, "It's a long story."

"What's the short version?" Grif asked lazily.

"Uh…." I shifted my weight from one foot to another, "The short version involves a falcon and a limo."

"Falcon?" Sarge asked.

"Helicopter," I explained.

"So," Rowe replied, "You crashed a helicopter into a limo?"

I couldn't even keep eye contact "...Maybe."

It looked as if they were about to pry a little more, but luckily someone came to my rescue.

"Hey Wash what's next?"

Wash, my savior walks in with Church and says, "Alright, we got in, but that's only part of our mission. So no celebrating yet."

Grif groans and sarcastically replies, "Aw shit, and I was gonna be in charge of confetti."

Wash ignores him and continues, "We still need to reach the A.I. storage facility. Security's tight since the Freelancers tried to break in here."

"You mean when they tried to steal the Alpha before?" Church asked.

Wash nods "Exactly."

"Not surprised," I grumbled. "None of the freelancer I've had say for ever really proved to be loyal. 'Cept you and Tex anyway."

Grif then comments, "The Freelancers tried to break into their own command facility? That's dumb."

Simmons turns to him and reminds him, "That's what we're doin' right now you jackass."

Grif shrugs and retorts, "So? Just because we do something doesn't make it smart." That's actually not a bad point.

Simmons seemed to agree as he hung his head and sighed, "Tell me about it."

Wash then explains, "I have the necessary clearance to get close to the storage hall. The plan is, I'll take Church as a prisoner.

I then start getting worried, "You sure more of us can't come with you?" I ask.

Wash shakes his head, "If I take more than one of you it won't be believable."

Caboose then bravely steps forward, with a heavy voice says, "Agent Washington, I want you to take me instead."

Church glances over to him and asks, "What're you talking about?"

Caboose firmly says, "I will be your prisoner. Let Church go. He doesn't have anything to do with this!"

Church then attempts to explain, "Caboose, I'm not actually going to be a prisoner. I'm just gonna pose as one so that we can get past-"

Caboose ignores him and says to Washington, "Have a good life Church. Don't worry. I won't tell them anything. They won't get any information out of me. No matter how nicely they ask."

Church groans, "Oh my God, just shut up."

Rowe chuckles, "It's brave, but it's also not at all the point of what Wash's doing."

Sarge then sniffles, "Sacrificing himself for his CO. What a good soldier." Sarge then turns accusingly to his other members and disappointedly cries, "Why can't you two be more like him?"

Grif scoffs, "What, braindead?"

Simmons raises his hand and says, "I would sacrifice Grif for you Sir."

"Of course you would," Rowe mutters.

Sarge sighs, slightly disappointed, " I know you would Simmons. But it's just not the same thing."

Grif then asks curiously, "Why are you taking Church? What about the rest of us?"

Wash deadpans and replies, "We're sneaking past seven levels of armed checkpoints. Are you volunteering?"

"Yes," I answered. Everyone stared at me as if I had just grown another head. I casually continued " I suppose the guards wouldn't question things too much if you had another guard following you."

Wash seemed to hesitate, "That may work, but why?"

"There are many things that are about to be revealed Wash," I explain as I glance over to Church and continue, "I want to be there when we find out."

Wash at that moment paused, he then slowly nods as if he understood what I had meant.

Wash sighs, "Alright, better hurry up and change. Also leave your rocket launcher." Wash then turns to the rest of the group, "The rest of you hole up and wait for us to finish. And don't touch anything."

"How will we know when you're done?" Sarge asks.

Wash casually replies, "When you see every guard in the base running in one direction? That means we're probably in trouble."

Church then stiffens up and nervously says, "All the guards? Whu- yuh- wait, wh-why are we taking Church, again?"

Wash rolls his eyes and replies, "Just keep the guards off of us, and we'll radio when we're in position. This will be our extraction point."

Grif asks all confused, "Keep them off you?"

I nod, " Yeah."

Church snarky adds, "Distract them, dipshit."

Grif cries back "How?"

Wash shrugs and says, "Well, this is the center that came up with all the ridiculous scenarios you guys have suffered through over the years. So have fun. Break some shit." Well said. Wash and Church then make their way out the room. Before I leave, I stop at Rowe and I hand her my rocket launcher.

"Keep her safe?" I asked.

With a smirk she replied, "Always."

 _Linebreak_

We then follow Wash down the halls with me posing as a guard, in uniform of course, and Church as our prisoner.

We then stop at the first checkpoint and one of the guards speaks up, "Hold on, don't come any closer. I need you both to stay right there, Sir."

Wash nods, "Understood. I need access to the next level. The Councilor wants to interrogate another survivor from Outpost 17B."

The guard looks at us in confusion, "What? I thought all the Blues at Valhalla were dead. Where'd this one come from?"

Wash cooly replies, "I don't have to explain anything to you, soldier. Stand down."

The guard seemed to cower a bit at this, "Sorry Sir, I didn't mean anything by that-"

Wash cuts him off, "Fine. I'll let it go. As you were."

The guard ponders for a bit and then says, "Something doesn't seem right to me." I don't think he's buying it. "I'm gonna have to call this in." He's definitely not buying this.

Wash nods and replies, "Absolutely. Call it in." Wash then turns to Church and releases his handcuffs, "Let me just NOW!" Wash hands him a pistol and immediately drops on guard. Church drops down on one knee and empties his magnum at the guard at point blank range; all his shots missed and hit the wall while the guard was left untouched and looking around confused.

Church sheepishly asks, "Uh, hey can I get a little help I'm, out of bullets." I immediately fire the burst into the guard killing him.

I sigh, "Church, you suck."

"Shut Up Lockett," Church grumbles.

 _Linebreak_

The same process pretty much happened over the next checks, though a couple of them went fine. We then arrive in this giant room with holographic symbols shimmering on the wall. Wash stops in front of us and looks around the room.

He then glances back at us and says, "Here. This is it." Damn, this is actually a pretty sick place.

Looks like Church shared the same thoughts, "Woah!" he exclaimed. "What is this place?"

"It's the storage facility for all the A.I.s," Wash explained, "The rejects, the bad variants... everything is here. Everything."

Church then looks at the symbols on the walls, "Dear lord, what're all these lights on the walls?"

"It's holographic storage."

"And one of these has what you're looking for in it right?" I ask.

"What, you mean the Alpha?" Church asks me.

"Yeah," I reply. "Something like that," I mumbled as I look over to Wash.

Wash the meets my gaze then looks over to Church and says, "You work on closing that door. I'll find what we're looking for. And when I do, every soldier on base is sure to come running. So be ready."

Wash then walks over to one of the walls.

I wearily glance around at the walls and murmur, "I swear I can hear these things whispering."

A few moments later, Wash calls us over.

"Church Lockett!" he shouted, "I got it, get over here. Here, this is it. There."

Church then comes running over excitedly, "Oh, great you found it already?"

"Church wait!" I shouted, but it was too late. Church touches the wall and immediately cries out in pain and grabs his head.

"What's wrong?" as concerned Washington asks.

Still gasping, Church cries, "Nothing I just had like a weird flash- uh, ah!"

I grab his shoulder and ask, "You alright man?"

Church nods and says, "Yeah, I think it's this thing. It's like, sending out images. Is this the Alpha?"

Wash shakes his head, then he kneels down to take a closer look, "No. This is not the Alpha."

"Then what is it?" Church asks.

Wash tells him, "This, is Epsilon. ...This is my A.I."

Church looks on in confusion at first, but then he seemed to slowly build up with anger. He angrily shouts at Wash, "You mean to tell me we've come all this way for this? Your fucking crazy A.I. Epsilon?"

Wash nods, "Yes. I thought it was gone. But Delta told you memory was the key. At first I thought he meant to remember our first encounter. And when I met Delta the first time what I told him was, "You were encrypted until you could be recovered."" Church seemed to cringe for a moment as he got what I believed to be another flashback. Wash continued, "When they removed Epsilon from me, he was unravelling, casting off all his thoughts. I was sure they deleted him but it's-"

Church finishes, "It's cheaper to store it than it is to delete it. Right?"

Wash nods, "Right."

Church then asks, "But why are we looking for this thing? What's the point?"

Wash replies, "The message specifically said that memory is the key. Delta was telling me that Epsilon was still alive."

"And Epsilon is the key?"

"In a way," Wash replies. He then explains, "At the end of the war, things didn't look good for humans. And there were dozens of projects all trying to come up with the magic bullet to win."

"I was part of one of them," I chuckle at the memory, Wash glances at me curiously. "Story for another time," I tell him. **(Author's Note: No he wasn't a Spartan, or a freelancer. So get that idea out of your mind.)**

"Project Freelancer was one of them. They had their research with aggressive A.I. But they could only get the one, and they needed more to conduct their experiments. So, they got desperate."

"And they start breaking laws and moral boundaries," I finished.

Wash nods, Church's eyes a widen a little and he nods and says, "Right. They tried to... they tried to copy it but they couldn't, so they-"

Wash finishes, "All A.I. are based on a human mind. And the Director had a theory. He thought, if we can't copy it, we'll just have to do the next best thing."

Church then cries out in pain. "Ah!" He then recovers and gasped, "They, they split it?"

He then continued, "Just like a human mind when it's broken; it fragments. It fractures itself to protect itself."

"Basically," I murmured, "They tortured him."

"Like reverse engineering a multiple personality disorder. They presented Alpha with scenario after scenario of stress and danger. When it started to fragment, they harvested those fragments."

"The Freelancer A.I.s," Church murmurs.

"Wash," I ask curiously, "How do you know this?"

"I'm getting to that," Wash then continues explaining "Exhorted little fragments of purified compartmentalized emotion. None of them were a full personality. Some were good-"

"Delta was first, wasn't he?" I asked not even surprised.

"Delta was Alpha's logic. It needed to protect itself from analyzing what was happening to it. So it segregated that part of its mind. The part that would be able to understand the horror of what they were doing to it. And when the anger came and threatened to take over, it split that off too. That was Omega; its rage. Gamma was its deceit. Sigma was its creativity. And Epsilon..."

"Epsilon was its memories," I finish, and then glance over to Church, "And memory is the key."

" As they continued to torture it Alpha couldn't keep its sanity and its memories at the same time. So it had to purge them. That fragment became Epsilon. And I was just unlucky enough to have it assigned to me."

"So you knew," Churched muttered, "You knew from the beginning what was going on."

" Mostly. They never told anyone what they did here. I got flashes when they put Epsilon in my head. Memories of what the Director did to it." Wash then points to Church, "Just like you're getting now. That's why Epsilon went insane; it was meant to. It was all the horrible experiences the Alpha needed to shed to survive. And that's why it had to be removed from me."

"Did they know that you had the memories?" Church gasped.

"I never said a word. But they had their suspicions," Wash growled. "I would never let them put another A.I. in my head. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to hide what I knew from another program. Which ironically is what led them to think I could be trusted." Oh the irony.

"Well what do we do with it?" Church asks.

"We take it, and we get it in the hands of someone who can use all its information. Then they can bring down the person responsible for what was done to Alpha. And to me. And to my friends. They can take down the Director."

Church then cries out, "But what about the Meta? How do we stop him? Isn't that the point? I thought only the Alpha could do that. Are we gonna find it or not?" Here it comes.

"No," Wash answered.

"No?" Church asked, disbelieving what he had just heard.

"After the first attack on Command, they moved it. They knew the A.I. would just convince their Freelancers to come looking for it again. So they put it in a place where they didn't think anyone could find it."

"But, where?" Church angrily cried, "Shouldn't we be there, instead of here?"

Wash takes a step closer to Church and looks him in the eye, "Church, I need you to listen to me. Delta was the logic. He was able to figure out things before anyone else. It's why he left a message for you in a way that he knew only you could find, and in a way that let me see you getting it."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I know what you are. Even if you don't. Why you can seemingly live without a body."

"What?" Church asks in confusion.

"It's why they stuck you in some useless backwater canyon where no one ever goes. Then why they transferred every person in your outpost to a different base than you. It's why you always agreed with everything Delta said. Why you didn't feel anything when the fake Omega got inside your head when everyone else had a reaction. Why you can jump from person to person the way it can." Wash then speaks, softer now as he reveals this to Church, "Church, there's no such thing as ghosts. You're one of them. You're an A.I. You, are the Alpha."

Church stares at Wash for a moment to let the words sink in. Sadly I know how he's going to react.

Church takes a deep breath, and then says, "You're a fucking idiot." I just roll my eyes at this.

Wash looked surprised by this, "That's not the reaction I expected."

"You think I'm a computer program," Church retorted.

"Why is that hard to believe?" Wash asked. I roll my eyes again. That was kind of a dumb question.

Church sarcastically replies "Uh, how 'bout 'cause I'm a person. That I have been my whole life? That I have memories from when I was a kid? And I don't remember being a calculator, dude."

Wash says, "A.I. are programs based on an actual human mind. You're bound to have some residual memories. They're just not yours."

"Oh you're so full o' shit," Church curses.

Wash then looks over to me and says, "He of all people would know this." Way to put me on the spotlight.

Church laughs, "Lockett, you hear this guy? I'm not an A.I., right?" Church's smile soon fades when I don't meet his gaze. Church then get's a little more serious, "I'm not an A.I. right?"

Church looks over to Wash and Wash then replies, "I think he was one of the first people in your group to find out."

Church then looks over to me and with a heavy tone he asks, "Lockett….did you know?" I meet his gaze and slowly and solemnly nod.

Church, almost in tears and with betrayal clear in his eyes, he asks, "How long?"

"Church….look…."

"HOW LONG?"

"I had my suspicions when I learned you and Tex's real names." As Church takes time to process this, I then glance over to Wash and ask him, "Can you give us a moment?" Wash nods and politely leaves. I continue, "It wasn't just a coincidence that you and Tex….Allison both shared the same name of the Director and his late wife."

"So I'm just an A.I.?" Church asked, I wish I could tell him that it wasn't true, I really wish I could.

All I could say was, "I'm sorry Church."

"No you're fucking not!" Church angrily cried, "You fucking hid this from me! From Tex! You telling me she was and A.I. too?! Everything I knew is just a fcukoing lie! None of it was fucking real!"

I then angrily glared at him, "You think you were the only one that wishes this wasn't true?"

Church looks away and he starts crying, he then looks back at me and asks, "Why didn't you tell me?"

I took a step closer to him, "Would you have believed me if I told you? Church! I was in denial, I was purposely ignoring all the evidence until it was shoved in my face!" Church looks at me in surprise. "Back when I first went into combat, I had a friend and a mentor, her name was Staff Sergeant Allison Church." Church's eyes widen at the revelation.

"I was there when she died, I was there to give her wedding ring back to her husband, to give him his letter and gold star, and I was there to daughter who, FYI was the exact same age as I was! I was there to tell her her mother died!" I then look directly into Church's eyes, "How do you think I felt when one of my best friends, on whom I know for sure died RIGHT in front of me, came back from the dead! Not only was that like seeing a ghost, but she had no recollection of what her past life was or who I was aside from my records!" I was heaving at this point and Church was frozen like a deer in the headlights.

My voice grows softer now as I look away, "I denied it up until I saw her eyes she she told me to call her Allison, I just knew that something was up and all this…." I motioned between him and I, "...Everything in that canyon that we experienced. It was fake, all controlled as if we were just guinea pigs for a grieving man's sick love fantasy." Church finally for the first time spoke, his voice was strained and soft.

"So that's all I am?" Church sniffed, "Just a copy of someone else? I'm not even living am I? And Tex-Allison, she was fake to, just a shadow of someone he loved? Just a fucking experiment for his fucking fantasy tha sick fuck!"

"Church," I sigh as I pull him into a hug. I then release him ands say, "Look at me." Church looks directly into my eyes, "You are human, alright?" Church nods and I continue, "You are as human as I am." I then release him and continue, "What gives someone to right to judge if someone is living or not, if they have a soul or not? You feel don't you?" I ask. "You feel it, happiness, pain sorrow, regret, joy, fear, anger? You feel it all don't you?"

Church nods, "Then yes, you are HUMAN, you are LIVING, and you have a SOUL! You and Allison are not just copies….robots….shadows. You are your own person, you both have proven that on multiple occasions. I think you both deserve that much."

Church ponders for a bit then asks me, "Just promise me one thing Lockett….just promise me that you're going to get that son of a bitch!"

I smirk, "I'll give you a front row seat when I personally put a bullet in his brain." I then look in the direction of the door, "We should probably go, wouldn't want to keep Wash waiting huh?" Church nods.

"Hey Lockett?" Church asks.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you, for everything."

"You don't need to thank me Church," I smirk.

Church then pauses for a moment, I look over to him and ask, "You alright?"

Church glances behind him, "I thought I heard someone." Church lingers on for a moment before he shrugs, "Maybe it was nothing."

We were about to walk off when we both heard a soft female voice call out "Hello?"

We share a glance we before we walked off in the direction of the voice.

"Hello?" I called out, "Is someone there?"

"Over here!" I heard the voice call, we looked over at the wall and say one of the panels flashing. Church and I shared a glance before we made our way over to the panel.

"So you're an A.I.?" Church gasped.

"Yes," I hologram flashed again as she spoke to us, "I uh….heard your argument over there. So you're the Alpha."

"So the tell me," Church murmured.

We both heard the A.I. let out a soft giggle before an avatar then appears from the hologram. The avatar resembled that of a teenage girl wearing a pair of jeans, a t-shirts, and a hoodie, basic highschool teen look. She was mostly cyan and the only thing that wasn't cyan was her hair and that was bright red and was tied into a ponytail.

"Allow me to introduce myself, I am Iota," she greeted. "Your happiness," she points at Alpha.

Church replied, "Huh, well, it's nice to meet you Iota." I could only stare in shock as I thought, 'No, he didn't make one of her too.' Church asks, "What are you doing here, you don't seem broken?"

Iota just shrugged, "The only clue I have is that it had something to with the relancer I was paired with."

"Who was it?" Church asked.

"It was Carolina wasn't it?" I asked.

Iota nods, "Both Eta and I were assigned to her, she unraveled and parts of her got mixed into me as well as small traces of Carolina as well," she replied solemnly.

I asked as I formed a theory in my mind, "So that's it then, you're not broken are you?"

She shrugs, "No. The Director just said I had to be taken to get repairs and he kind of just left me here."

I then came to a conclusion, "You resemble his daughter, or at least what she looked like sometime before his wife died. So I guess you coming out looking like her brought up to many painful memories. I wouldn't put it past the bastard to have had you locked up just because of that reason."

"Wow," Church, "The Director sounds like a complete asshole."

Iota lets out a heavy sigh, "Yeah, I came to that conclusions too," she sadly murmured as she sat down and pulled her knees into her chest. I then pull out the empty chip from my helmet and kneel down to her eye level.

"You aren't going to do any good here by yourself, would you like to come with us?" I offer.

Iota looks up at me in surprise and protest, "But-that-theft of UNSC property is a serious breach in protocol!"

I chuckle, "Fuck protocol, what good have they done for us?"

"Huh," Iota muses, "Fair point." Iota then stands up, takes a deep breath for some reason, she then throws up her hands and shouts "FREEDOM!" she then slamns her hand onto the card and is instantly transferred. I insert the card into my helmet and my mind once again is flooded with the familiar cold mercury feeling.

"Huh, this place isn't too shabby," Iota mutters, "Needs a little sprucing up though, new wall paper, some furniture."

I shake my helmet, "Hey! Be careful in there, I need some of the those things." I look over to Church and motion for him to head for the door.

"Hey Iota?" I ask.

"*munch* Yeah?" why would an A.I. be eating?

"You mind if I give you a new name instead of Iota?"

"Really? A new name for me?" she squeals. "Well let's hear it!"

I pondered for a little, "I was thinking Carrie."

"Hmm…..You're only calling me that because I resemble the Director's daughter aren't you?" she respond accusingly.

"Yea-wait, his daughter's name is also Carolina? Are she and Agent Carolina the same person?" I ask curiously.

"Yep," she replies popping the P. I look over to Church who just shrugs. "Buuttt….I like that name, so Carrie it is!"

"Wow," I hear Church mutter, "She's a complete teenager." I chuckle at both of them.

"Well Carrie, I'm Jonathan," I replied, "The guy next to me is Church."

I could practically feel the smile as Iota-no, Carrie replied, "Gentlemen, this is the beginning of a nice friendship."

 **Author's Note: I wasn't originally going to give Lockett and A.I., but then someone put the idea in my mind and I couldn't resist, so thank you to whoever it was that suggested it. I hope Iota works out just fine, and I hope you liked reading this chapter. Please follow and favorite my story if you like what you read and you want to see more. If you feel you have a idea that you think would be cool to add into the story, leave a review or PM me and I'll look into it. For now, have a nice week and I'll see you guys later.**


	33. For What It's Worth

**Author's Note: Here we go, Season 6 Finale. Let's go out on a high note huh?**

For What It's Worth

 _Alarms start blaring._

Church asks me "What was that?"

"I don't know."

We turn our heads asWash comes running up to us.

"We've been found out. Quick, grab Epsilon. I'll lead us out. Keep your head down."

Church begrudgingly picks up the storage unit and says, " Okay, but if this fucking thing sends out any more images, I'm gonna throw it in the nearest trash can."

Carrie then privately says to me "You didn't tell me you boys were heading straight into the action."

"How much company are we expecting?" I ask her as I follow Church and Wash out.

"Well….seeing how you guys just broke into the storage unit for all the old A.I.s located right in the middle of the Freelancer HQ, I wouldn't be surprised if it was the entire base."

"Well fuck."

While we were running, a pair of soldiers spot us.

"Over here! Over here!" one of them shouted and they both immediately open fire on us.

"Get that door!" Wash shouts and I hit the controls.

"What's the status up here?" Church asks.

Grif nonchalantly replies, "Fucked up, 'bout to die, Simmons is a nerd... the usual."

Sarge then explains, "Looks like we've got at least half a dozen squads out there. They know our position, and we're outgunned."

"I suppose the fact none of us are really trained to fight also adds to are abysmal chances of surviving this," Rowe also adds.

Wash asks them, "So, what's the plan?" I don't know what he's expecting with that answer.

Sarge replies in a somewhat deadpan tone, "Well we were gonna retreat down the hall until you just brought more guards up that way, so now the plan's pretty much to go down swinging. You first." He then points to the door we had just come through.

Grif then all of a sudden turns to Simmons and asks, "Hey Simmons, can you get back on that computer and change my affiliation from Red to Freelancer?"

"Traitor," Simmons growls with his feelings of betrayal evident in his voice.

Grif shrugs and chuckles, "Hey, you gotta go with the winner."

Caboose then asks "Um, could you change my job title to something more important like astronaut-oh, I know, Space Marine!"

I hear Rowe let out a sigh, she then mutters, "Fuck it," She turns to the guys and says, "Can you guys make me an actual doctor while you're at it?"

"What're you idiots doing?" Church asks.

"This computer has all of Command's records," Simmons explains.

I ask, now having my interests peaked, "It does? Records on everybody?"

Simmons scratches his head and replies "Yeah. You know, theoretically." Simmons then gets more nervous as he suspiciously pulls up the command console witch cover up the computer screen. "Hup du-doo, doo doo, nothin' to see here, doo doo doo doo..." He then maneuvered his way to the shutdown button thus turning off the computer.

Ignoring it, I take a step closer to Simmon's and murmur my request, "You think you can get rid of my prison record?" Simmons then gets more nervous as

"Umm about that…." Simmons nervously shifts.

"Can you also check something for me as well?" Church requests. "I just want to be sure about something."

Wash raises his eyebrows, "What an excellent idea. "

"Why?" Simmons asks, "What do you want to see?"

Church let's out a sigh, "Washand Lockett say I'm an A.I., I just want to make sure."

"Huh?" Grif scratches his head, "Why do they think that?"

I tried to stop them, "Don't, don't-"

"Because he's transparent?" Wash reasons, "He can live without a body?"

"You wanna know what that describes Wash?" I sarcastically ask, "A ghost. This is why I tried to stop you."

Wash then counters with, "If he's a ghost, why aren't any of the other soldiers turning into ghosts?"

I roll my eyes, "Fine whatever," I then turn to Simmons and I say, "So, about my record."

"Yeah I'd like to help," Simmons shuffles around nervously, "But we may have just kind of, you know, deleted all that stuff for the Blues."

A moment of silence passes as we all try to process what we were told.

I turn to Rowe and ask, "You didn't stop them?"

Rowe raises her hands innocently, "I thought about it….but I was too entertained with the prospect of changing ,my history that  
I thought it was a small price."

Church groans and throws his arms up, " Alright, great, that's fantastic now I can't prove him wrong, and I don't get a paycheck. Fucking great, thanks guys." Word man.

"Let's not also add," I laugh, "You also erased all of my work history under the Freelancer Project and now if anyone checks my record, they would think that I was still in prison. Is that what you guys are saying?" Everyone nods and Wash facepalms, I probably would have too. I chuckle,. "I think you guys just fried my brain with your levels of retardation." I noticed Row's look of disapproval as I said that but I didn't pay attention to it at the time.

Through his facepalm Wash asks, "All of what stuff for the Blues?" I think he knows, but he wants to hear it from them.

"Uh…." Simmons takes a small step back before nervously replying, "The everything stuff?"

"Didn't I tell you not to touch anything?" Wash cried.

Simmons then replies matter-of-factly, "Yes. But, you also told us to break stuff. This seemed like an excellent compromise." Well, he's not….wrong.

Sarge then taunts, "And now your side never existed! Which means Red wins. Suck it you non-existent losers! Take that Lockett! My team is better than yours!"

"Shut the fuck up," I growl. "Nobody cares about that."

Sarge then deflates and mutters in defeat, "Ah, sour grapes."

Grif then finally jumps back onto the topic that I actually forgot at one point. He cries a Wash, "No way, he's not a computer."

"How can we be sure?" Sarge asks me.

"Guys are we really doing this?" I ask back.

Caboose then suggests, "Maybe we should ask him something only a computer would know."

"Well, what do you have in mind?" Rowe asks.

Caboose ponders for a bit, it's going to be a math problem isn't it. "What's nine times eight?" Called it.

We all reply, "Seventy two."

Caboose stares at all of us in horror, "Oh my God it's spreading."

Grif then says, "How 'bout this: show me some porn." Now it was Grif's turn for us to stare at him.

"Dude," I breathe, "What the fuck?"

Grif shrugs, "That's what all my computers do." He then starts throwing out suggestions, "Oh, oh, uh, uh, steal some music for me. Oh or uh uh, talk about politics and bore the shit out of me."

Caboose also adds, "Do you have any pictures of cats in serious situations?" Funny, you would find all of those things on computers.

"Because of the trauma he's been through, he's not going to be able to access most of his functions. He may not even realise his full potential," Wash explained.

"Why don't we just ask Carrie?" Church then offers.

"Who?" they all ask. Church then freezes when he realizes what he just said.

"Well…." I sigh, "Looks like the jig is up. Guys, this is Carrie." She then appears sitting cross my right shoulder.

"Hi everyone," she waves.

Just silence.

"Where did you get that!" Wash angrily cries.

"Uh…." I stammered, "The storage facility."

"Lockett!" Wash shouts, "That THING was not part of the mission!"

"She was being kept prisoner there Wash!" I argued back, "I couldn't just leave her."

"It was the one of the ones Carolina had!" Wash cried, "There's a reason it was put there!"

"SHE is not an IT Agent Washington!" I growl. "Besides it's too late to put her back anyway, even if I wanted to." I then taunted "So you're just going to have to deal with it!"

Carrie then looks to me and comments, "Damn, the files weren't lying when they said he had a huge prejudice against A.I."

"Carrie," I sternly said.

She continued, "I mean I don't blame him based on the trauma that Epsilon caused him but dman! Some of that shit is just uncalled for-"

"Carrie!" I sternly shout. She then immediately stops.

In a more calmer tone, "Carrie, just store yourself away for now and we'll talk later alright?"

She nods and replies,"Yes Locket," before her avatar disappears.

Wash then growls at me, "his isn't over Lockett." hE then turns to the others and says, "We don't need Church to believe it now. Not until the next time we see the Meta."

Then there was a loud banging sound on the ceiling, it was as if something big and heavy just landed. The fire coming from the guards immediately stopped.

"What the hell was that?" Wash murmured.

"Oh no," Carrie gasped, fear evident in her voice. "It's him."

We all then hear the lead guard shout something and they resume firing, now at the Meta.

"Shit!" Church cried, now worried he asks Wash, "How'd he get inside the compound?"

Simmons incredulously asks, "What do you mean how, it took us like ten minutes. Not that hard."

"Perfect," Wash murmurs, not taking his eyes off the ceiling.

"Perfect?" I ask, "What do you mean perfect?"

Wash then faces us, "He's been following us since I found Caboose. I knew he couldn't resist getting his hands on all the stored Command A.I.s. Especially Epsilon. He'll be even more aggressive once he discovers…." Wash glances out me, "Lockett's new companion."

"Did you plan this?" I ask. "'Cause I think we have a right to know if you did."

"Do you still have Epsilon?" Wash asks Church. Church shows him the storage unit.

Wash nods, "Good, let's get it to safety. Then we can finish this. Once and for all."

I smirk, "Get in line."

"No," Wash responds, "Now that you've got Iota-"

"Carrie," I correct.

"Now that you've got her, you've just made yourself a possible target. There's now a high chance that the Meta will target you, and that's not adding the fact he would remember you from your last encounter."

"That bastard nearly killed me," I argued, "I want to return that favor Wash."

Wash sternly replies, "I know, but right now….he's a his strongest. If you go up against him again he'll actually kill you this time. Revenge is not worth death, you really want the Meta to get his hands on Carrier?" Shit he has a point.

"What do you plan to do instead?" I ask. Wash gives me this look that says it all.

 _Motor pool with three warthogs._

"What is this, the motor pool?" Grif asks.

Rowe sarcastically replies, "No Grif, it's a fucking circus and they're serving ice cream and cotton candy out in the corner." Everyone just stares a Rowe in surprise, "What?" she asks confused.

"I think that's the first time I've heard sarcasm from you," I chuckle, she just rolls her eyes. Grif, Simmons, and Sarge climb into the first warthog.

I turn to Rowe and asked, "You wanna drive or-" I was cut off as she walked ahead and climbed onto the turret. "Well…." I smirked, "That answers that."

Wash then grabs our attention, "Looks like everyone is outside fighting the Meta. Still, be careful. Red, you grab a vehicle. Caboose, somehow I hate to ask this, but, can you drive?"

Caboose nods and replies, "Yes. But not an automatic; only stick." This just goes on to confuse Wash.

"Why can't you drive-"

Grif reminds him, "We're in a rush, come back to it later."

Wash shakes the thoughts from his head and says, "Right. Caboose, grab that car. Church, put Epsilon in Caboose's jeep. You guys are gonna make a break for it. Take Epsilon and turn him over to the authorities. They'll know what to do with him."

"You're not coming?" Rowe asks.

Wash shakes his head, "No. Church and I are staying. Project Freelancer had one last resort failsafe: a high power E.M.P. that can wipe out all the A.I. in this facility. Now that the Meta is here we have a chance to take them all out at once and put this entire project out of commission."

"What's an E.M.P.?" Grif asks. Oh right, non military guys won't know what that is.

Wash explains, " It's an electro-magnetic pulse. It wipes out all circuitry and computers it touches. It will destroy the A.I.-"

"Oh, you mean an Emp," Simmons answers. Oh….I guess they do know what it is.

Sarge nods in agreement with Simmons, "Yeah, I was just about to say. Sounds like he's talkin' 'bout an Emp."

"Emp?" Wash asks all confused, "That's not how you say it."

Sarge shrugs, "That's how most people say it. "Emp.""

"No, they don't," Wash replies in a deadpan tone.

Church raises his hand, "I say it that way."

"Lockett?" Rowe calls over to me, "What do you think?"

I shrug, "I've heard it both ways. So I don't care."

Wash then groans, "We don't have time for this. You're wrong."

"Why don't we take a vote then?" I ask.

"A vote?" Wash asks in disbelief, "No. No vote, you're just wrong. There's no vote, it's E.M.P."

I then hear Caboose comment, "Not very democratic." No, it's not.

"Being wrong isn't a Democracy," Wash growls.

"Oh yeah Wash?" I smirked. "Well, freedom of speech!" Wash just stares at me.

"If they want to say it that way, then they have that right! You have a right to say something whether you are wrong or not! It's your opinion."

Wash then cries, "But that's the way you properly say it!"

"Which is your opinion!" I cry equally loud.

"YEAH!" everyone else cried.

Wash finally gives up and goes back on topic, "Whatever! Church and I will work our way down to the Director's lab while the rest of you escape."

"And if the Meta follows us?" I ask.

Wash scoffs at the idea, "No chance. There's no way he can pass up all the A.I. in here. Put Epsilon in the car and let's get moving."

"Church what are you doing?" I ask as he climbs into the passenger seat.

"I'm leaving," Church states firmly, "I'm going with them."

"What?" Wash turns and faces Church, surprised to hear him.

Church angrily rants, "Wash, I don't give a shit about any of this. I hate you, I hate the Freelancers, I hate everything about you guys. This isn't my fight; it's yours."

Wash retorts, "It's your fight more than anyone else's!"

"I don't care what you say, no, it isn't," Church cries.

Wash tries one last time, "Church, you'll never get another shot at fixing all of this. I know you don't believe what I've told you, but you need to ask yourself, what if I'm right? If I am, or if you have any doubts, not finding out will haunt you for the rest of your life. Not just finding out about you but, finding out about everyone close to you as well. It's your choice. What's it going to be?"

Just silence as Church turns away. _I guess that answers that_ , I thought as I walked over to Caboose.

"Hey Caboose?" I softly call. Caboose perks up and looks over to me.

"Hi Lockett!" he chirps in his usual happy tone.

"Hey," I greeted, "I want you to meet someone." I pull out the memory card and press the projector and Carrier's avatar stood up. "This is my new friend Carrie." Carrier shyly waves. Caboose looks on completely fascinated.

"Woah…." Caboose whispered. "You're pretty."

If Carrier was real, I think she would have blushed, "Thank you."

"I want her to ride with you on our way out," I explained.

Caboose then gets confused, "Wait….why?"

"Caboose, we both know you're the faster driver out of the two of us," I explained.

Caboose then frowns and asks, "But you're coming aren't you? You're going to be right behind me, why can't you carry her?"

"I don't want to risk Carrie getting stuck in the range of the blast," I explained. I let out a sigh, "Caboose, Carrie, I want you both to promise me something." Then both nod, "No matter what happens, don' stop, don't turn around. Just drive faster, can you do that for me?"

"You'll be right behind us won't you?" Carrie asks, also getting worried.

I nod, "That's right, I will."

She also asks, "You'll make it want you?"

I ponder about it for a moment, "I will." I let out a sigh, "But there is still that chance I will be caught in the blast. I am just doing what I can to increase your chances of escape. If I do get stopped, I'll find my way back to you alright?"

"You promise?" they both asks.

"I promise," I then add, "Just promise me that you both will take care of each other. Can you do that?" They both nod. I then turn to Church, "Are you sure you want to go Church?"

Church groans, "Not you too Lockett."

"I'm just saying Church," I replies, "I'm not objecting. But this could be the only chance we get to stop it. If we don't, we may not be so lucky next time. Plus, with what you've learned, this would get us closer to the Director himself."

Church let's out a sigh, "No and I don't care. I….I just want to go home Lockett."

I nod, "I understand," I do, I really do, and I don't blame him.

As I climbed into the driver's seat of my warthog, I turned and asked Rowe, "You ready." Rowe flicks the safety off the gun and pulls the bolt back before throwing me a thumbs up. I then turn and nod to Wash giving him the greenlight.

Wash turns to the rest of the guys and announces, "Alright. Stick to the plan. Just run. Get Epsilon out of here. Turn it over to the authorities the first chance you get."

"Lockett, shouldn't we help him?" Rowe asks me. "He won't stand a chance against that thing."

"Yeah," I replied, "But we have our orders, the mission comes first."

She asks,"You really think that?" I remain silent.

"Wash will be fine," I murmur, "He wouldn't have gone alone," I glanced toward Church, "But what's done is done."

"But do we really need to go?" Rowe asks. "I mean there is nothing holding us back, are we really going to just leave him?"

Wash must have been listening cause he replies to us, "Someone's going to need to make sure Caboose makes it out. Just drive." He then turns to Caboose and says, "When the E.M.P. goes off-"

"You mean the Emp?" jokes Grif.

"Stop it," glares Wash, "It will destroy Epsilon and Carrie if you're not far enough away."

Caboose nods, "You got it Mister Washington."

"Take care of yourself guys. I know that's one thing you're good at." Wash then hits the button opening the garage door.

Wash then tells us, "He's gonna be on you as soon as you clear the gate. Be ready to move. Protect Caboose's vehicle at any cost."

"Hey Wash," I call out for the last time, he turns to me, "Give em hell." He nods as I speed off after Caboose. We all drive to a certain point and stop as the Meta, now finished with the guards watches us.

Wash then calls us over the radio, "That's it! Lead the Meta as far away from the base as possible." He then runs back into the base and the Meta follows soon after.

"He fell for it!" I shouted, "Go, go, go!" I then slammed onto the gas pedal.

"Gun it Grif!" Simmons cries and the Red's are soon to follow. We soon reach the edge of the compound.

"Still a half click to go!" Sarge reported. I noticed a rock in the way of Caboose's warthog.

"Caboose look out!" I shouted, I saw Caboose slam the brakes just grazing it, but it still launched Church out of the passenger seat.

"Oh no!" Caboose cried. "Church!"

We all stop,"What the hell are you doing?!" Grif angrily cried. "Why are you stopping move!"

"His body fell out!" Carrie cried, "He's going to need it!"

"Caboose, Carrie!" I shouted, "It's just an empty shell go!" I then speed off with the Reds closely following.

"Caboose move it or we're leaving you!" I heard Grif shout before Caboose's warthog joins us shortly after soon overtaking us in speed.

"Keep going we're almost there!" I shouted.

"Oh no!" Simmons cried, "Here comes the bomb!" both of our jeeps are then stalled.

"Caboose keep going!" I shouted. "Don't look back!"

"Okay! I'm scared!" Caboose shouts back and we could see all the cars behind him stall just as Caboose smashes through the barrier. I then noticed where Caboose was going.

"Oh no he's heading for the cliff, Caboose wrong way!" I shouted. Caboose let's out a cry as the warthog falls off.

"Do you think he made it?" Rowe ask me.

"I wouldn't doubt it," I chuckled, "Caboose has a habit of surviving everything."

"Still…." Rowe then looks over to me, "You shouldn't have promised him that."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You can't guarantee that you'll make it back to Caboose. Why did you promise him that?" My thoughts were then interrupted by the Reds argueing.

"Dammit Private Grif!" Sarge barked, "You're driving skills, or lack thereof got us stranded!"

"Oh shut up Sarge!" Grif shouted back, "It's not my fault we stopped! We got hit by the bomb!"

"Maybe we couldn't outrun em because of your fat ass!" Simmons roared. "Fucking Caboose outran us! What does that say?!"

"Oh don't you start!" Grif shouted.

Sarge also added, "This is just like the ammo all over again!"

"Why is it always my job to bring ammo!"

"Sarge told you why in the board meetings! You know, the ones you ALWAYS sleep through!"

"Because we NEVER talk about anything fukcing important! Every time it's you talking about some nerdy shit, Sage talking about how he wants to kill me, and Donut with his fucking closeted bullshit!"

"For fucks sake," I groan, "They're at it again." I then get up and shot, "HEY, dumbassess, shut the fuck up! Maybe if you three bitched less and actually did something!"

"Like you ever contribute anything useful! You are just as lazy as Grif sometimes!"

"Oh fuck you little spineless bitch. Go back to sucking the cock of that senile old man will you?"

"Oh fuck you too!" Simmons screamed back.

"Lockett!" Rowe hissed at me, "That's enough."

I sighed, "Alright I'm sorry, I was angry. All they ever do is argue and it's getting us nowhere. Plus I'm not exactly wrong for calling out their faults. I mean look at them, Sarge is a senile old man, Simmons is a little bitch who bends over to those with authority, and grif is a fat disgusting slob that just sits around and does nothing, and don't even get me started on Donut, that is the biggest closeted faggot I have ever seen"

Rowe then asks me a weird question, "Why don't you ever insult me like that?" Though she was clam, I could sense the building anger. "You talk down to them so much, but why not me?"

I let out a laugh and pet her shoulder reassuringly, "Oh Jacklyn, you're my friend, you get a free pass for life." I then get up out of my seat for a smoke,

"Wait…." Rowe calls out. I look back to see her walking up to me, "Do you not understand how condescending that was?" Soon all the Reds we silent and watching the event that was before them.

"Rowe what do you mean?"

"What gives you the right?" Rowe gets more upset as she speaks. "You hand out the pa-y-yu-you give them to me?"

"Jacklyn woah, calm down you're going to have stroke," I raise my hands in an attempt to calm the situation.

"What gives you the right?" she asks me, "What do you do? Why do you treat them so poorly?"

"Them?" I motion to the Reds. I let out a sigh, "Okay, look, every time those three stooges botch a plan, it was always me or Tex that had to bail them out. How the fuck am I supposed to deal with idiocy like that, all their plans revolve around either trying to get Grif killed or not doing it at all, and those are the calm ones."

"You complain about them never coming up with good plans, but at least they try to make plans. If you want better plans, then maybe you should fucking contribute in the team planning huh? You have also never actually fully taken fault for something, nor have you ever fully thanked any of them for their help." Rowe then takes a breath, and then straightens up, "You know? They have never actually insulted you, ever, not even indirectly, did you know that?" Rowe raises her eyebrows. "They went willingly with to stop O'Malley, they also never seem to argue with you. They actually listen to your suggestion and they actually take them into consideration. You may not notice it, but they actually look up to you in way."

"You of all people know that, all our past missions and situations would have gone off without a hitch if it weren't for something stupid that they did. Maybe Tex would still be alive if it weren't for Sarge's fucking idea to put Andy in the fucing pelican."

"I am your friend , so don't talk to me like I'm other people Jonathan." She takes a deep breath and then also adds, "You and I both know that you would have never come back from that whole ordeal alive if it weren't for them."

Rowe then takes a step closer and says, "Look you have only told me a fraction of your past, and I know that we aren't even scraping the surface of that iceberg. They as well as I have no idea what you have been through nor could we possibly understand unless we were there, but that gives you no right to treat the,m the way you do. They aren't professionally trained soldiers, but yet they manage to accomplish the same suicidal missions with just as much success. So for once, suck in your pride, stop nitpicking the small stuff, you know better! So the least you can do is acknowledge the fact that they actually did a good job, even now!"

I look away just to reign in my thoughts, I could feel my hand curling into a fist, I took a deep breath, looked Rowe into her eyes and calmly said, "No."

"Jonathan," Rowe called out, "Just do it man, it's right. It's….it's right."

In the same tone, I sternly reply, "I'm sorry, but now."

She then sighs and then wipe her face with her palms. She then looks at me with disappointment and says, "Okay, well….let me put it to you this way. Caboose was the first person you met when you first got here."

"What does Caboose have to do with this?" I ask.

"He looks up to so, did you know that? So much so that he even looks to you like a father figure, he even calls you papa from time to time, did you know that?"

"Don't bring Caboose into this," I growl.

"He has as much to do with this as does the rest of Blue time!" Rowe angrily cried silencing me. "And I am tired you blowing this problem off. You said you would always protect Caboose, you told me that remember?"

"And I have," I argued back, "Caboose has never gotten hurt under my watch!"

"Really?" Rowe asks sounding like she didn't believe me, "Then why did you let your team bully him."

"What do you mean?"

"Sure, you stopped Tex from doing it, and you stopped Church, but you also go after Church, it's fine that you yell at him for insulting Caboose and being an ass but you don't exactly try make him be better, no, you instead sink to his level and bully him as if that's suppose to fix it. News flash Lockett, it doesn't! Then there's also Tucker…."

"Tucker?" I ask.

"You stop Church from bullying Caboose but you let Tucker get away scot free, why is that?"

"Because Fergo usually stops him."

"But she shouldn't have too! You were the one that promised to protect him!" Rowe finally calms down, "It's not binary you know? You can be a tough leader as well as decent at the same time." She then turns away and walks back to the warthog.

I let out sigh, I turned to the Red's "I will admit….Sarge, you actually are good at leading."

Sarge looked at me all surprised, "Really?"

"If you weren't I pretty sure Grif and Simmons wouldn't have actually gone along with the stuff you did." I then turn to Grief and I said, "You're actually a decent soldier when you put your mind to it. You're still lazy….but I would be lying if I said I didn't see potential." I then lastly turned to Simmons, "I meant what I said when I met you back in the room full of teleporters, you have a lot of promise Simmons and you don't need the backing of Sarge and Grif to accomplish it. You just need a little more self confidence." I took a step back and said, "She's right, I never did get to thank you guys, we probably would have never accomplished this is it weren't for your help. I am also sorry for all the….things I said earlier."

All three of them shared a glance for a moment before Sarge turns and says, "Why your welcome Lockett, but don't think this is the only time we are going to help you. After all, Red team is the best." Both Grif and Simmons nod in agreement.

Simmons then laughs, "If you really think our feelings would be hurt by your passive insults then you clearly don't know us as well as you think."

Grif laughs as well, "Yeah, if you're going to insult us, say it to our faces, none of that cloak and dagger shit."

I turn to Rowe who also nods, "It's not much," She comments, "But at least it's a start. At least you acknowledged them."

"Looks like we're going to have to walk, we want to get out of here," I sighed.

"Fuck that," Grif moaned.

"So prison then?" I ask.

"How bad could it be?" Simmons asks me.

I shrug, "It's not the worst thing ever, you do get three hots and a cot."

"I'm down," Grif grins. Of course.

"Anyone else?" I asked, they all shook their heads. I shrug and says, "Fuck it." I sit back back in in my seat and light off a cigarette. Rowe takes it out of my mouth and uses it.

"I thought you didn't smoke?" I asked in surprise.

She shrugs, "Fuck it." I chuckle as I light another one. She tne picks up my light and examined the 8-ball picture on it. "Hm, this is a nice lighter, where did you get it?"

I snapped it shut, "A friend from back in the army, we called him 8-ball." I raised the lighter, "Think you can guess why?"

Before she could reply, we were soon surrounded by guards.

"Sir we found a group of soldiers outside the base by a pair of stalled jeeps." The walked forward to the one I thought the leader.

They raised their rifles and sasi, "You all are under arrest." Shit….well fuck it. They then lower their guns and the leader says, "Who's the leader your group." Everyone looks over to me and I nervously take a step forward.

"I am," I look over to the others, "Please let them go."

"What?" the Reds all said.

"I'm willing to personally take the blame for any charges that may be brought on uis. They were only following orders." The Reds then start protesting and the leader starts laughing.

"While that is awfully noble of you, there's someone who wants to speak with you," he chuckled, "All of you."

The Red And I all shared a glance before we asked, "Who?"

"The chairman." Oh….

 **Author's Note: And to be continued. That's the end of the chapter, been planning a scene like that for a while but couldn't find a good spot to put it. For those who wanted more deviation from the original story, sorry but I don't think you will get that for a while. Not that I won't try, but it's definitely something I'm not gonna be familiar with. I'll see what I can do. If you thought the ending was rushed or anything, it was because I wasn't sure how to end it, thought you oughta know. Not that I didn't try though.**


	34. And So It Goes

**Author's Note: We're back, finally.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.**

And So It Goes

I walked into the armory and the quartermaster greeted me cheerfully, "Hey LT, Chairman said you were coming," he then motions for me to follow him, "Come one, I got your gear."

I walk up to my locker where I armor was being held, "Anything new?" I asked.

The quartermaster shrug "Not really, just new firmware, visor change, armor plate replacements, other than that, nothing."

I told him "Thanks," after I put on my armor. I then walk over to the weapons locker and grab my smg. "Oh Garner, did anything come in for me?"

The quartermaster, now named Garner looks at his terminal, "Actually yes," he reaches down and pulls out a case. "Did you order a military machete and sheath?"

"Yep, that's mine," I reply and I pick up the case, I open and pull out the heavy knife from its sheath.

I glance over and notice Garner eyeing the machete, he comments "That's quite the blade you got there."

I smirk and reply "18 inches of laser sharpened high carbon steel with a standard an anti-flash non-reflective titanium carbide coating, and an edge-coat for corrosion and rust resistance. It wasn't exactly cheap and it's a bit off from standard, but it's edge is sharp enough to cleave through anything with flash and bone." I then take a couple of practice swings with it.

Garner laughs "As if you aren't deadly enough with your rocket launcher." I roll my eyes as I strap the machete and it's sheath onto my left thigh and I attach my smg to my right.

"As amazing as I am with my launcher," I boast, "I still something for close quarters other than my smg and my knife doesn't have enough range, hence…." I motion to the new weapon, "...why I got a machete."

"Oh that reminds me," he then reaches down pulls out another weapons case, this one bigger, and heavier. "New shipment for the simulation troopers in Valhalla. I was suppose to send it down there next week, but since you're going now I figured why not have you take it."

I took one look at the clipboard and stared back at Garner with a serious look, "You can't be serious, you really think it's a good idea giving _this_ to the simulation troopers? Specifically the ones in Valhalla?"

Garner just casually nods and says "Mmhm, new model came out, we need field tests of it. It should work just like it's war counterpart though." I let out sigh, and though _There's no way I'm giving this to Sarge._

I then tell him "Alright, fine." I turn and with the case in hand walk out the door.

"See you around!" Garner shouts. I wave at him, this is going to be a long ride.

 _Linebreak_

Well, here we are, Vahalla, it was maybe an hour flight at most, they even gave me my own mongoose, I wanted a warthog, but they told me that "I wouldn't need one and I should just take what's necessary and not waste military vehicles on such dumb missions." Assholes. I drive up to Red base where all of them have gathered up, and for some reason there are all these storage crates all over the place, must be Donut.

*beep beep* "Hohoho!" I cheerfully greet as I climb off the bike. Both Grif and Rowe started joking around as I approached the group.

Grif smirks "Hey Rowe, you know this guy?"

Rowe laughs "He looks ugly enough to ring a few bells."

"Blood Gulch maybe?" Grif asks. "Was it Blood Gulch?"

"You sure he was in Blood Gulch?" Rowe asks.

"He may have been in Blood Gulch," Grif replies. "He looks familiar."

Rowe finally nods "Maybe he was in Blood Gulch."

Grif shakes his head "I don't know, but he's ugly."

I turn and with a smile on his face I respond "Fuck you all."

Sarge walks up and laughs "You look like a land crab that once crawled up my pee hole." We all chuckle at the remark.

"Lieutenant Rocket!" Caboose cries and tackles me into a hug.

Rowe walks up and with a warm smile she greets "Welcome home Lockett."

I get up, "Thanks," I look over to Rowe, "Lieutenant Rocket?" I ask.

Rowe nods "Caboose has been calling you that since you got your promotion, I thought it was cute."

I look over to the hologram and I greet "Hello Carrie, how have you been?"

With a smile just as big ask Caboose's she says "I've been doing good Papa Rockett."

"Oh, that reminds me," I stand up and take the bag I brought with me.

"Enjoy your time in the office?" Sarge jabs.

"Anything to get away from you bastards," I reply.

"Yeah well we're not so lucky," Simmons sighs. "What you got in the bag?"

"Depends," I reply while taking out all the things I brought "Tell Santa whether you've been naughty or nice."

Donut says "Naughty, I've been the naughtiest." I'm gonna ignore the weird look he shot me.

"It's June," Simmons reminds me.

"We're at the edge of the galaxy Simmons," I counter, "Christmas comes in June."

"Presents!" Caboose cries joyfully.

"I got some gifts for you guys before we all take off on your journey. First…." I pull out a book, "A brand new diary for you Caboose and a new hardrive for you Carrie since the both of you like to keep track of events that happen to you."

"Yay!" they both cry.

"For you Grif," I pull out a glasses case, "I got you a pair of oakleys sunglasses, since you like to relax all the time, I thought you might want to look good while doing it."

Grif tries them out "Oh, just what I always wanted," Grif comments.

"For you Simmons," I pull out a book with the title _1984_ , "A bit of heavier reading for you."

Simmons grabs the book and looks at the back, "Aww," Simmons cooed "I read this already."

"A new sewing kit for you Donut," I hand him the kit.

Donut looks at the kit and comments "What a lovely color." It was pink.

"For you Sarge," I gave him a red baseball cap the said "World's best Sergeant" and a bumper sticker that says "You just got Sarged."

Sarge wipes away a tear and says "This is the best gift ever." He then runs over to the jeep to put on said sticker.

"For you Lopez," I pull out a bottle of motor oil, "Right here is the good shit, high quality premium motor oil, perfect for high performance vehicles."

Lopez cradles the bottle like a baby, "Gracias," he whispers in his robotic monotone voice.

"Finally," I turn to Rowe.

She pulls out an old friend and holds it out to me "I took real good care of her." I pick up the rocket launcher from her arms and inspect it.

"Indeed you did," I murmur, "For doing such a good job, I'll give you this." I pull up the weapons case I had been carrying. "Command wanted you guys to test out a new anti-vehicle weapon, since you have a habit for high precision in your medical field, figure you would appreciate a weapon that could deliver something similar to that type of surgical precision. Also I don't trust anyone else here to use it."

Rowe gives me a puzzled look and asks "Then why don't you use it."

"Yeah Lockett!" Sarge cries, "Why does she get the new special weapon? Why don't some of us get to use it? Right Simmons?"

"Whatever," Simmons grunts "It's not my problem. If it were, I would agree with him on not letting you have it."

"Sarge, ignore him," Grif calls out, "I think the gun would best suite you."

"Thank you Private Grif," Sarge then glares at Simmons, "I expected better from you Simons."

Simmons shrugs "Whatever."

I laugh "Well it's not up to you, it's up to me, and I say that I wouldn't trust any of you with this, hell I wouldn't even trust any of you with my car keys….cept maybe Grif."

"Maybe I should have it," Donut comments.

"NO!" we all cry.

"Rowe's getting it and that's final!" I bark. I grab the rocket launcher and give it a reassuring pat, "Besides, I prefer high explosives and I really missed my Papa Rockett." I then attached the launcher to my back and Rowe nods and does the same with the case. "Here's the manual, and don't open it until we reach our new destination."

"Aright," Rowe replies.

"Hey Lockett," Sarge shouts, "You ready to go?"

I nod but then look around mess at the base and ask"What's with all the water cans?"

"Oh right!" Sarge turns to the team and shouts " Get these water cans cleaned up while we're gone. How much water do you need to drink, Donut?"

Donut crosses his arms and huffs " I was in a desert! Don't judge me."

Rowe rolls her eyes and comments "Maybe you should learn from that and bring some water along for the trip."

Sarge laughs "Nonsense. It'll just slow us down."

Grif looks at him in disbelief "Slow us down more than dehydration? Or death... by dehydration?"

Sage growls menacingly " I don't know, smartass. Let's say we try! I'll kill ya, and then I'll dry ya out! Who wants Grif-Jerky?"

Caboose politely shakes his head "Ah, no thanks, I already had donuts for breakfast."

Grif glances over and murmurs " …Wait, what?"

I look up from the gps and the say to Sarge, "Sarge, we gotta get going, we're on a schedule."

Sarge claps his hands together, "Right," he turns to the others and asks "All right, let's get going. Everybody packed?"

Caboose and Carrie nod simultaneous "Yep."

"Where's your stuff?" Grif asks.

Carrie replies "Oh, he only carries a washcloth and six toothbrushes."

Grif deadpans "I'm gonna assume that makes sense to you."

Caboose nods "Yeah, it does."

Grif murmurs " Yeah, I thought so. We'll just go ahead and leave that one alone."

As Grif turns to Sarge, Sarge cirs out "Grif! Why'd you pack so much?"

"Me?" Grif blanches, "I only did one duffle." He then proceeds to hold out said duffel.

"Well, what are all these cases?" Sarge motions to all the other containers. I bet I know, it's pretty obvious.

"Those are mine!" Donut chirps. Yep called it.

"Donut," Sarge looks up in surprise, "You're going with us?"

Donut laughs "No. But I wasn't gonna let you guys have all the packing fun to yourselves! That's the best part about going on vacation. I mean, beside airport security's full-cavity search—"

Grif immediately cuts him off a shouts "Time to go!" Grif then turns and walks for the jeep.

I threw Rowe the keys, "Why don't you drive, I'll be the gunner." Rowe nods.

"Hey Lockett, why do you have a bike?" Grif asks curiously.

"I asked for one, command said no," I grumbled, "They didn't even really give me a straight answer."

While we walk to the cars, Sarge stops in front of Lopez and says "Lopez, I want you to take good care of Simmons and Donut while we're gone."

Lopez, slightly confuse points at himself and asks "¿Yo? [Me?]"

"Feed them every day," Sarge instructs.

"Is he serious?" I ask Rowe.

Rowe looks at me incredulously, "Lockett, of course he's serious, you should know better."

"¿Comen Sin Plomo, o Súper Sin Plomo? [Do they eat Unleaded? Or Super Unleaded?]," asks Lopez.

Srage nods "Exactly. And don't forget to let them out in the yard every now and then."

"I love yard time!" Donut shouts.

"Goodbye!" Simmons shouts a bit forcefully. If I didn't know better, I would think he didn't want us around.

Sarge then announces to everyone "If we don't make it back from the mission, bury me and Grif as far away as possible. I don't want to get any corpse cooties." He then turns to me, "Lockett, where are we going?"

I reply as I check the straps on the eghar we have stored, "I sent the coordinates to your gps, if worse comes to show, just follow me, I'll have some idea where we are going and if something does go wrong, I'll make sure to let you know."

"Why do you assume I'll be dead?" Grif asks. I notice a large just stop and stare at him with an awkward silence.

Grif groans "Nevermind."

I turn and Caboose just happened to be standing right there. "Hey, something wrong?"

"Uh, Carrie wanted to ask you something," Caboose replies.

"Okay," I turn my attention to Carrie as she appears, "What's up?" Carrie shifts nervously and brushes a few locks of hair away from her face, an oddly human gesture, but alright.

"Can I ride with you?" she asks.

"What's wrong with Caboose?" I ask.

"Well," Caboose goes off, "It's nothing wrong, it's just I've been with him for three months while I only got to be with you for an hour. I just wanted to get to know you more, get to know the one who rescued me, gave me my name, gave me another chance."

"I understand." I reply, I turn to Caboose, "Are you sure you're okay with this."

Caboose cheerfully nods "Of course, I figured that since we're all one big happy family and you're the father, she should get the chance to spend time with her father."

That's one way of putting it, "Alright," I nod, "You're free to go to Caboose if you ever feel like it, all you have to do is ask alright?"

"Alright."

"Whenever the two of you are ready," I tell them. Caboose Grabs the chip from his helmet and he hands it over to me, I plug it into my helmet and a familiar freezing, mercury feeling fills my head.

I turn to Sarge, "Alright let's go." They nods and we all climb into our vehicles. Grif powers on the warthog and Sarge's Tejano music begins playing.

Sarge whistles "All aboard! Let's get this show on the road!" As cAboose climbs into the gunner seat, Sarge warns "Hey, be careful with the new gun. It hasn't passed any real world testing yet."

"It hasn't passed any _fake_ world testing. It's passed zero tests," an annoyed Simmons cries.

Sarge growls "Which means the enemy can't possibly know about it. We've got the initiative."

"Not if you keep shouting it to everyone, fous idiot [fucking idiot]" Rowe mutters.

"Ready to go?" I ask Rowe, she throws me a thumbs up and then starts the engine.

I turn Sarge and shout "Let's go, we're waiting on you!"

Sarge turns to the guys staying "We'll be back as soon as we help the Blue. And then we'll kill him." Grif then follows us out of the canyon.

Carrie finally speaks up, "Man, it's been awhile since I've been in here. It's good to be home."

"Hmm?" I ask. "Home?"

Carrie giggles "I told you I was planning on doing some renovation in here," she then gives out a mischievous chuckle and says "Heavens know how they hell you ever got around before I got here."

"We've only know each other for an hour," I remind her.

"And that hour with you left a significant impact on my short life," Carrie counters, "Such an impact that I can't stand letting you go again."

"Wow," I chuckle "Such a confession, by me dinner first."

Carrie snorts "Don't push your luck."

"Both of you shut up," Rowe grunts.

"Yes ma'am," we both reply.

 _Linebreak_

"Wait stop!" Caboose cries over the radio. We all pull up onto a beach.

"Caboose what's wrong?" I ask.

"Can we stop again?" he asks, "I have to pee."

"Again?" Grif asks in disbelief.

Caboose angrily cries "Well, my suit leaks! And I had to drink a lot on the way here!" He runs off to the trees and grumbles again "A lot."

Sarge exists his jeep and he shouts at me "Lockett look! Sand!"

"Yeah we're on a beach!" says Grif.

Sarge continues "Donut said there was sand. That means we're on the right track."

"You know what else he told you?" Grif asks angrily. "The coordinates to where we're going." Caboose makes it back to the group.

"Another clue!" Sarge exclaims.

Grif argues "That's not a clue. There's no mystery. We're driving there."

Sarge nods "Come on, let's get going, before the trail gets cold." We then start to drive off again.

"It still surprises me how he managed to become your teacher," I murmur to Rowe.

"Just another day in the glorious Red Army," Rowe groans.

"I have to use the bathroom again," Caboose calls out.

 _Linebreak_

"Lockett," Rowe calls out, "Is this place it?" I look around the roaming hills of sand. I look through my binoculars and I come to the temple in the middle of the valley.

"Yeah this is it," I turn back to the group. "Carrie."

"Yeah?" she asks.

"Plot the quickest course to the temple," I tell her, "I want to get there as quick as possible."

"Expecting trouble Lockett?" she asks while.

"It's never a bad thing to be prepared Carrie," I tell her.

"Or you're just paranoid," Carrie smirks teasingly. I roll my eyes as I motion for Rowe to start up the bike, at the rev of the engine, Grif starts up the warthog.

I counter with "Well, paranoia is good in small doses."

She then curses "Aw dammit."

"What's wrong?" I ask curiously.

Slightly frustrated "I can't seem to get any signal, nothing for our route, not even our own position." Slightly concerned now, I pull out the gps from my helmet, it as well says no signal.

"Sarge, Grif!" I shout.

"Yeah?" they reply.

"Check your gps," I tell them, "Tell me if you can get a signal."

I see Grif look at it for a second, he turns back to me and shakes his head "No, nothing."

"Carrie try comns and see if you can get command on the line."

"On it."

"Rowe, hand my the sat. phone." Rowe finds it in the bag and hands it to me. I dial the number and all I get is the phone telling me I have no connection to any network.

Carrie responds "Yeah Lockett, I got nothing but static."

"Shit," I mutter.

"Lockett what's up?" Grif calls. Everyone turns to me.

"Alright I got good news and bad news," I begin, "The good news is we're only an hour out from the temple." Everyone was happy at this revelation, time for the mood killer, "The bad news is we have lost contact with command, I think we're being jammed, all our radios, phones, gps, all of them no signal. We're on our own."

Sarge laughs "How is that any different then what we usually face."

"He has a point Lockett," Rowe smirks.

"Well be it as it may, since we have no contact with command, any help they could have offered is now officially off the table," I then let out a sigh, "We're riding in blind, I want you guys to keep a sharp eye out, we have no idea what's down there."

"Oh please," Sarge huffs, "Deadly missions with little to no intel and extremely low odds of survival are what we're use to." He then sits down and throws us a mischievous smirk.

 **[Play track: Black Hawk Down OST: Barra Barra]**

"So, an hour out huh?" Sarge smirks.

"Yeah?" I nervously ask. Sarge what are you planning? I then notice Grif tense up a little.

"Race you there!" Grif shouts. He then shifts the jeep into the gear, Rowe quickly revs the bikes engine as Grif turns the jeep around, slams on the gas and races down the mountain.

"Rowe let's ride!" I shout and we race down the mountain after them. "Carrie hold on!"

"Catch you later slow pokes!" Griuf shouts over to radio as we race down the bear mountain side. The jeep then swerves to the left and enters a narrow pass. Man I haven't felt a rush like this in years!

"Along the side!" I shout, Rowe twists the bars in said direction and we swerve along the edge of the pass.

"Lockett we're gaining on them!" Rowe laughs.

"Keep her going straight," I instruct her, "I'll tell you when to jump!"

"Wait what?!" Carrie cries out. I look down at the Reds in the warthog, we're just behind them.

"Rowe!" I shout, "Gas it now!" The mongoose shoots forward passing the warthog below. I shout "Everyone hold on!"

"What! Nononononoo! AHHHAIEEE!" Carrie screams as Rowe launches the bike forward into the air between the pass. I look down to see the Red's and Caboose's jaws to the floor I throw them a bird as we fly past.

"YEAAHH!" Rowe and I scream as we land a little bit forward of the jeep. The warthog **(125 kmph)** is actually faster than the mongoose **(95 kmph)** in terms of speed, but we have the advantage of being more maneuverable. **AU: Thank you Halo wiki.** Grif starts to accelerate past us, Rowe notices this and proceeds to cut him off. The next minute is spent with Grief trying to maneuver around us.

"Lockett ahead!" Carrie cries fearfully. The three of us look ahead and notice a large rock protruding in the middle of the road. Rowe barely manages to swerve to the left almost making us flip over. Grif on the other hand, did not have an issue.

He quickly pulls ahead us and Sarge cries "Cya!"

"By Lockett! Bye Little Sister. Bye Doctor Rowe!" Caboose waves. Grif then zooms out of the pass and enters the desert.

As Grif jumps over sand dunes, over the radio we could all here Sarge screaming "Yee-haw!" Followed by "Grif! Don't make jumps longer than my Yee-haws!" This al flew over our heads as we ourselves enjoyed the air we got going over the same dunes. "Yee-haww*cough*" Sarge stopped in the middle of his cheer while the warthog was still in the air. "Girf!" Sarge cried again, "I told you not to take jumps bigger than my yee-haws! It makes me look bad!"

"Do you guys have to broadcast everything through your mics.?" Rowe asks through her radio.

"Yes!" Sarge cries.

"No!" Grif also cries at the same time as Sarge.

 **[End track now if it isn't over already.]**

The warthog then stops and Grif radios me saying, "Lockett I think this is it!" Rowe stops the bike next to the jeep and I step off, Sarge and Caboose do the same.

"Hey Lockett, we beat you," Sarge taunts "How 'bout dem apples?"

I shrug "I guess Grif is the better driver."

"Grif?!" Sarge sputters while Grif in the back pumps his fist.

"Hm, the area looks empty," I noted while observing the temple.

"Maybe they haven't spotted us yet," Sarge reasons, "Which is perfect for me, gives me time to shove 0000 **(quadruple-nought)** 8 gauge soellkraft up their asses."

"Halt," a voice on an intercom announces suddenly, "Do not go any further."

"I think we've been spotted," Caboose comments.

"So much for not getting spotted," I grumbled. "Carrie where are they?"

"They have an elephant around the east side of the temple," she informs me.

"A what?" Grif asks.

"It's a mobile base for infantry," I tell them.

"Oh."

The voice continues "You are attempting to access a restricted area, and you have entered a minefield."

"Aw shit," I muttered.

"A what!?" Grif cried.

The voice tells him specifically "A mine field. You idiot."

"How did they hear him?" I ask aloud.

"They must have cameras and audio recorders littered all over the excavation site," Carrie informs.

I nod, "Alright. I'll keep an eye out for them."

Caboose then innocently asks "Your field? Who says this is your field—You can't own a field!"

"No, Caboose-" I begin.

Grif cuts me off "Caboose, not his field! A _mine_ field!"

Sarge then suddenly says "You know, the Native American culture said the Earth doesn't belong to us. We belong to it."

Rowe facepalms androgens while Grif and I just blink, Rowe moans "No Sarge, not the kind of field, he means explosives."

"Ohhh," Caboose and Sarge nods in understanding finally. Then an explosion goes off cementing it.

"Oh!" Sarge murmurs.

 **Author's Note: It's good to be back. I hope you enjoy what I wrote, and I'll see you all later. Thank you all for reading and remember….Big Brother is Watching….Always.**


	35. Explosive Situations

**Author's Note: This story is now one year old. It has been one year since I started writing, wow, it has been great, I will tell you that. Thank you all for giving me this opportunity to write, and keep reading assuming that I continue to put out new content.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.**

Explosive Situations

So there we were….the Reds and Blues of Blood Gulch….well, most of them anyway. In the middle of the mine field, I really don't get paid enough for this. Right now, Sarge, Caboose, and I are standing in front of our vehicles with Rowe and Grif driving them behind us. Still waiting for-*microphone noise* ….oh wait, here they come.

"Just… just give me the microphone," the voice the intercom growled, he then instructs us "Do not under any circumstances move. You have entered an active minefield."

"You have totally not told us for like, the tenth time," I mutter.

"Does thinking count as moving?" Caboose asks worriedly, "Because if it does, I think I might've moved—up! I did again."

"Caboose," Rowe sighs, "You're fine." Caboose breathes a sigh of relief.

"How do we get outta here?" Sarge cries out.

"We will guide you out," the voice replies.

"Great," I murmur, I then glance over to the others and mutter "This should work out just fine."

Sarge shouts " Great! Let us wait for you to come out here then!" making Rowe snort.

The voice sputters back "What? …no, fuck that, listen! We're not coming out there, okay? Hang tight. We're gonna upload the schematics… we'll be right back. Don't. Move."

Sarge turns back to Grif in the warthog and angrily shouts "Grif! What were you thinking driving us straight into a minefield!?"

Grif shouts back defensively "Me? You were in the passenger seat. That makes you the navigator!"

Sarge scoffs "What are you talking about?"

Grif cries "Everybody knows that. You're in charge of directions!" Man, nothing's changed, like at all.

"No! The shotgun seat is reserved for the position of respect," Sarge laughs, "And for people who carry shotguns," he holds up his shotgun, "See? *makes a clicking noise* Quid pro quo."

Rowe moans and murmur to her "Well, it's not like he's wrong…." Rowe shoots me a look that says 'Are you kidding?' "...Completely," I quickly add.

Sarge then says "Now Grif, here's the plan. You walk in front of us, very slowly."

"Sarge!" Rowe hisses.

"What?" Sarge innocently asks, "I was just asking Grif to check out the uh, beautiful view of the deseret."

"And I plan to," Grif retorts, "From way back here in the driver's seat of the jeep!"

"Grif!" Sarge bellows "Get out here, that's an order!"

"Fuck you!"

"Sarge, shut up, you can't kill Grif!" Rowe scolds.

"Why not?" Sarge asks.

"Lockett do something!" Rowe cries looking over to me for help.

I lazily respond with "Sarge, if you're going to try and kill Grif come up with something more original."

"Lockett!" Rowe incredulously cries out.

I then realize what's going on, with wide eyes I cry out "Oh! I mean, Sarge leave Grif a lone, we'll all die later on anyway."

"Wow," Carrie deadpans, "Great pep talk." To which I just roll my eyes.

Sarge continues to try and command Grif, "If you hear anything that sounds like a small metallic click, or feels like your legs are being blown off, just say, "Found one!""

"No!" Grif screamed.

"Quiet! Both of you!" Rowe forcefully yells shutting up both of them. She then turns to me with an expectant look, one which the others soon join in on.

I let out a groan "Is it really that hard to just wait for the guy to guide us out?" All I get is four distinct deadpan looks. "Oh right," I depressingly chuckle "I suddenly remember who I am talking to.

"Of all people Lockett," Carrie chuckles.

I just roll my eyes and ask "Carrie, what kind of mines are we looking at?"

"Right," Carrie pulls herself together, "Give me a moment….They're bouncing-betties, high explosive, anti-personnel, and light anti-armor."

"What are bouncing-betties?" Grif asks curiously.

"They're a type of mine that once triggered, instead of blowing up, they fly up into the air and then blowup," I explain to him.

"Why would it fly up?" Sarge asks, "Sounds like a waste."

"To uh-um," I stumble a little, I'm actually unsure why but let's give it ago and have Carrie fact check it, "It's to maximize the spread of the shrapnel and to make sure the detonation isn't er….blocked by wildlife or vegetation." Yeah that sounds right. "Carrie is that why?" I whisper.

"Mmhm," she replies.

"So what can we do?" Rowe asks. "Can we out run them, since you know, they have to fly up first."

"Not on foot," I reply "You're suppose to lay flat onto the ground and I doubt traveling in a car would really help. I mean it might."

"So let's leave it as a worse case scenario?" Grif asks. I nod.

"I think we should elevate it to our first case scenario," Sarge smiles, "It would navigate us through this mess and help get Grif killed in the process."

Grif growls "Oh shut up Sarge, you're the one who navigated us in this mess to begin with!"

"How about I come over there and navigate my fist through your forehead!?" he threatens back, an empty threat but whatever, A for effort right?

"Shouldn't you do something?" Carrie worriedly asks me.

"Yeah," I then glance down at the area around us, "But due to our current situation, I can't really move."

Grif glances around and taunts "Pft. Okay, bring it. Just stroll on over here across the minefield and beat me to death."

"Oh," Carrie quietly murmurs to me.

"Maybe I will," Sarge growls at Grif.

"Okay bring it!" Grif taunts puffing out his chest.

"Look, we can hear you talking. Do not move! Kay? Seriously!" the voice cries making Sarge grumble.

"Have they seriously just been sitting there waiting the whole time?" Rowe asks.

"What can I say?" Carrie jokes, "We make a good soap opera." Seriously?

"It's not my fault. I'm not moving. I'm not even thinking about moving," Caboose tells me.

"See, why can't you guys be more like Caboose?" I ask honestly, which also has some bit of humor to it I guess because Carrie burst out laughing.

"Like Caboose?" Grif mumbles, "Like CABOOSE?!" Grif suddenly explodes, judging by how over the top that was, I don't know if he's seriously angry that I compared him to the only other blue member or if he's joking around. Grif then turns back, to Sarge and now back to his smart ass tone he says, "Sarge, since we may not make it out of this, maybe there's a few things I should tell you. You know. Since you can't reach me."

"Grif, not now," Rowe moans through the her hands which are right now covering her face. "I am way too sober for this," I hear her grumble.

"Carrie," I whisper to her, "Record this, gold moments like this are rare even with these guys, I want to remember this."

"Recording now," Carrie giggles.

"Like the reason why I never listen to you. Or never follow your orders. And why I don't think anything you say is ever important," lists Grif. God I can feel the aura from the smartass smile of his. Sarge just angrily grumbles, the aura coming off of his is just as prominent as Grif's, just angry instead of snarky.

Anyway, Grif continues "But I want you to understand, Sarge. It's not because I'm lazy. It's because I don't like you. Or respect you. In any way. I have no positive feeling for you." Sarge reloads his shotgun.

"Now I imagine it can be pretty hard to be an ineffective leader with no respect—" Grif is immediately cut off from a shotgun blast fired by Sarge which passes right by Grif completely missing him. Grif just continues on in his smartass toe "-who doesn't understand that his primary weapon has an effective range much shorter than most weapons, but I think since we're gonna die anyway, you deserve to know that."

"All right. I'm back. Ready? We're gonna guide you out of there," the announcer shouted.

"Well now," I smirk and I as well as everyone else now turn to Grif.

"You know I was kidding, right?" Grif nervously laughs.

"No you weren't Grif," Rowe sighs, "We all know you meant every word." Grif shoots a glare a Rowe who quite easily ignores it.

"Okay, gentlemen. Here's how we're going to do this. We'll guide the three guys in front out, and you in the jeep and bike, just follow them," the voice instructs.

"Alright!" I shout back.

"Uh, I'm scared," Caboose whimpers.

"All right. Start by taking two steps forward and then turn to your right," the voice instructs.

"A step ain't exactly a standard measurement, buddy," Sarge yells.

"He's got a point there," Carrie comments to me. Yeah he does, but a step is simple enough to understand.

"Just a step," the voice repeats more sternly.

"Yeah, I get it! But what's a step? Like this?" Sarge takes two steps forward, then two back, "Or this?" he then sprints forward – right into a mine that explodes. Sarge manages to jump back unharmed, "Whoa!" he cries.

"Just a step!" the voice angrily cries.

Sarge quickly responds "Okay, no problem, just a step!"

The voice continues "All right. Now, walk four steps to your right."

"You mean our right, right?" I ask, it never hurts to make sure.

"Yes!" the voice replies.

"Our-our right? Or your-our right?" Caboose asks. What?

"There is no "my-your right!"" the voice grumbles.

"Is left north to you? Or is it… or, on the compass, which way?" Carrie asks.

"Carrie what are you doing?" I ask.

"I'm bored alright!" she huffs.

Caboose then asks "Uhh, what about—"

"Just walk to your right!" the voice hysterically screeches cutting off Caboose. Us three do as told.

"No!" only to rush back because Sarge stepped too close to a mine.

"Sorry!" the three of us cry.

"You know I could have just guided you guys out of here right?" Carrie asks. Oh, yeah.

"Oh yeah," I sheepishly chuckle, "She could have done that." All three of us now have the same goofy grin and laugh.

"Seriously?" Rowe face palms.

Grif then groans "You know what? I just can't take this anymore. Fuck it." He then drives off with Sarge and Caboose charging after them. Rowe then gases it as well and I jumped for it barely managing to grab onto the bike.

The voice mirrors "Yeah, uh, fuck it, just run!" Soon a bunch of explosions go off all around us.

"Holy shit!" I scream followed by more explosions nearly flipping the bike on multiple occasions and making my ragdoll flailing around. I don't know how I still held on, miracles huh?

"Son of a-" Sarge mutters then followed by more explosions.

 _Approximately 45 Seconds Later_

"Ahh!" Grif screams as he crashes the warthog into the side of the elephant. Soon followed by Rowe who crashes the mongoose into the warthog.

"*Wilhelm scream*!" I cried as the momentum from the crash sent my flying forward spread eagle into the side of the elephant.

"Aww shit," I wheeze out as I slide back down from the wall of the elephant and onto the hood of the warthog.

"Aw, dammit Grif! Lookit what you did now! You busted up a brand new jeep," Sarge exclaimed.

"Me?" Grif cries, "You were the idiots that started setting off mines."

Sarge laughs "Well, I managed to get out there and not get hit by anything!"

Grif retorts "Because you jumped on the roof of the car! That's cheating."

"Speaking of jumping on the roof," Rowe murmurs as she seems to finally seems to notice me who just now managed to get up and off the roof of the jeep. "You alright Lockett?"

"Peachy," I mumble as I slowly stand up.

"That's not cheating," Sarge growls, "That was strategy."

Grif scoffs "Well, your "strategy" broke the jeep and probably the bike too. Don't forget it almost got Lockett killed so don't go blaming me." Grif then notices something, "And the blue guy's dead too—how are we gonna explain that?"

"Give it a sec," I grunt. Then I hear a man runs out to us, probably the announcer.

"What the hell! What were you thinking?" yep, it's him, and he seems angry. As I gaze at the announcer I freeze up.

"Oh shit," I breathe. There's no way that's who I think it is. The guys didn't even seem to notice, they just kept arguing on. Hell, even Rowe is distracted by them, now that's something new.

"We don't need to explain why he died, Grif. We're Reds! Killing Blues is our business. And today, business is good."

"But you didn't kill him!" Rowe half mindedly shouts while lounging on the hood of the jeep, "He stepped on a mine and blew up. Good luck explaining that tp Lockett once he snaps out of his stupor."

"Yeah in a minute," I murmur, not taking my eyes off our new guest.

Rowe then asks "You hear me Lockett?"

"Yeah, they think Caboose is dead," I reply, "Just give it a minute."

"Lockett what's up?" Carrie asks.

"I'll explain in a minute," I mumble.

"And _he's_ the reason that we're on this mission," Grif sighs, "So now what?"

Sarge sighs "Hm. I see your point. So let us have a moment of silence in honor of the dead Blue guy. Bow your head."

"Hey, are you listening to me?" the announcer cries now getting annoyed. 'They probably are' I think as I ever so slightly glance over at the two and their antics.

Grif growls "Do you mind? We're having a moment of silence. Show some respect."

"What?" the announcer asks getting even more confused, correction not as confused as right now as Rowe starts playing a requimum through the jeep radio.

Sarge then starts preaching "Dear Lord, we thank you for taking another Blue back to Heaven today. Or rather not Heaven, but whatever fiery pit you send Blues to so they can suffer in eternity. You should've taken Grif. …But you didn't. Again. Not sure why, it would've been easy! Those mine things are everywhere! But I guess you know what you're doing."

"Are you sure Caboose is fine?" Carrie worriedly asks me.

I murmur "He should be back right about….."

"Heeeelp meeeeeeeayaaaaah!" *thump*

"...Now."

"Wow. Now _that_ was a big explosion," Caboose breaths.

"Caboose you okay?" I ask.

Caboose instantly stands up and happily chirps "I'm fine. I went really high."

"You did!" Carrie giggles.

"Did anyone get a picture?" Caboose asks excitedly.

"Aw darn," Carrie sighs disappointedly, 'That would have been a good one."

Sarge sadly groans "And now you brought him back. And Grif's still here! I hate to criticize, but you could've had him laying on Grif and squash him! That would've been easy! Just a note; you can take it or leave it, like I said it's not really in my place to criticize," he then stops bowing his head and crosses his chest, "Okay, the end, amen."

"Amen," repeated everyone, including me and surprisingly Carrie.

"…What the fuck is wrong with you people?" the announcer finally asks.

"A very good question," chuckles Carrie to which I nod. You can't deny the obvious.

"Whoa. Now who are you?" Sarge asks.

The announcer was taken aback by the question, he then asks us back "Who am I? Who are you? I'm supposed to be here."

I step forward, "I lead these men, can you tell us what's going on?"

"You guys are accessing an area that is currently on lockdown," the announcer replies.

Sarge asks the question all on our minds "Lockdown?"

"This is a restricted dig site, what are you doing here?" the man asks.

Caboose starts "Oh, we were just looking for…."

"We were just passing through," I cut in as a mongoose drives up to us.

The man looks at the mongoose and mumble "Oh, great," he then turns back to us and says "Stay here. Don't move. Don't touch anything."

Grif then walks over to me and asks "Why didn't you ask about Tucker?"

Sarge answers for me "We don't know anything about these guys! What if they're the ones causing trouble for Tucker? We don't know if we can trust them yet."

I nod in agreement, "We're on our own out here Grif, cut off from contact from command and we have no information on anything going on here at this dig site. Like Sarge said, we don't know if these are the guys are the ones Tucker warned us about, we gotta be careful."

"Because it's your to cause trouble for Tucker," Caboose cheerfully adds.

"That's right," I tell him.

"What do we do now?" Rowe asks, they all turn to me for an answer. "Do we just wait for him to get back?"

"Right now that's the only option we got," I tell her truthfully. I the lounge in the passenger seat of the jeep. I tell them "Wake me up when he gets back,"

 _Linebreak_

There I was walking through a snowy forest, it was an odd feeling, but not one I'm familiar with. I look down and I notice that I'm wearing my old ranger uniform. I remember this particular place all too well. I look up and I notice that it had just started snowing. I smile and inhale deeply letting in the crisp cool air in. This forest was one of the few areas on Harvest still relatively untouched by the war. By untouched I mean that the trees were still standing, most of them were dead for sure, but what made me smile was the fact that a few of them were still green, and that gave me hope, because if life could still survive after what this planet's been through, maybe my people have hope.

Then out of nowhere, all the trees around me disintegrate as if the trees themselves were detonating from within and the sky that was one deep black became as bright as day. I then started running, all around our lines screaming at my men in the fox holes. Yes, this way exactly how I remembered it. Desperately trying to run for safety while at the same time, I am shouting something as the world around me is lit up.

I ran around the entire are screaming at the top of my lungs, but even then it's so faint due to the explosions, I could barely even hear what I was yelling. I still screamed out because I knew that the men still needed to be told.

"Stay down! Get to cover! Stay down!"

There I was, running, just running, to where is not important. I've been down this path before, running off to where we were ordered to go. It doesn't matter what the orders given are, nor missions the objective, nor even planet. We all knew the risks we were taking when we all joined to fight….

"Stay down!" I screamed as an explosion lands near me throwing off to the side.

….but it's all the same in the end, we run out to fight, to bleed, to die. The only thing that ever changes are the faces of those around me. Every time one of them dies in front of me they always come back. Every time.

I managed to roll into a nearby half-dug fox hole and there I lay, waiting for the bombardment to end, praying to whatever deity I knew of to help me get through this. I then glanced over to a fox hole north of me and I saw two soldiers in it. They were shouting at me, shouting for me, I couldn't hear what the were saying. Then as quickly as I saw them, they were snuffed out, like a person blowing out a candle.

The next thing I knew, I was slowly walking up to the very same fox hole. I could see the ring of glass that surrounded to blast area.

 _Linebreak_

*gasp* I instantly shot up.

"You alright?" Carrie asks concerned. "Your heart rate spiked." I just nod as I start to slow my breathing.

"You get these often?" Rowe asks as she hands me a canteen.

"Often enough," I mumble. "Anyway…." I look over to Grif, "What's going on?"

"The guy is back," he replies.

"Who's that with him?" I ask curiously as I notice the man walking up to us with a sangheili in tow.

"I don't know but they're heading this way," Grif worriedly replies as he gets up along with Sarge and Caboose.

"Okay, now, we want the three of you to go-" before the man could finish the three took a step back even Rowe was a little nervous as she instantly sat up straight. I'll admit I was nervous too, but I'm not about to show these people that, but my hand did start itching for the smg at my side.

Slightly confused, the man turns to the alien "What the…?" his eyes he then nods in realization " Oh, right! Sorry, I'm so used to working with aliens now that I forget that some people don't have any experience."

Sarge them sheepishly replied "Oh, we've got experience with these things. Some of us more than others."

"You guys fought aliens during a war?" the man asks, slightly surprised.

"Well, I did," I reply pointing at myself, "Them, well…." I am not sure how to say this, "Let's just say they got a little closer to them than we thought physically possible."

"That's one way of putting it," Grif mutters.

The man laughs "Well, don't worry about ol' Smith here. He's really friendly."

"Yeeeaah," Rowe replies not taking her eyes off the alien, ""Friendly."" Damn, I don't blame her being nervous, she was the one that had to deal with Tucker during the "incident."

" … Yeah, that doesn't really put us at ease," Grif replies cautiously. Yeah, I don't blame him, man, this is going to be a long day.

 **Author's Note: Sorry I took so long to update. I'll still try to post the next chapter by this Saturday. Anyway, I tried a little experimenting in this chapter, so if it's bad, then whatever. I hope you liked it at least, I know it probably didn't satisfy your wait, but I'm working on it. See you soon.**


	36. String of Lies

**Author's Note: This is the next chapter for my story. I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue, Rooster Teeth does.**

[ _radio_ ]

String of Lies

The man from earlier explains "Now I'm sure you've heard about the treaties between aliens and people. We're here to investigate an energy reading. Rules are now, if they find one of these things, all investigation teams have to have at least one person and one alien. No exceptions."

"What kind of energy reading?" Sarge asks. Could you be more obvious Sarge?

The man easily brushes it off and replies " I can't tell you that. In fact, I need you to leave this area A.S.A.P. The alien diplomats will get mighty suspicious if they find another human squad showed up. We don't want to cause an intergalactic incident."

Caboose then casually replies "Oh, we're used to doing that…"

"Wait what?" I asked confused.

I glance over to him while Sarge cuts in quickly saying "Ooh, ah, what my friend means is that we're, um, used to following protocol."

" _That can't be any further than the truth_ ," Carrie deadpans and says to me, I just sort of shrug.

The man nods "Good! Then you guys just head on your way and we don't need to report this to anybody."

Grif deadpans and says "Dude, we're not going anywhere. Our jeep is wrecked." As if on cue, the jeep behind them explodes causing Rowe to jump and yelp. "And the bike isn't gonna fit all of us."

The man grows stiff and then curses "Damn. Okay, we'll help you repair your jeep, and then you're gone. Couple of rules while you're here. This is a restricted dig site. Everything here is property of the military. Do not go looking for any artifacts. And do not go anywhere without telling me. Got it?"

All the years of military protocol being rammed down my throat has made me think one thing out this guy, "Something's not right," I mumble to the the guys who all pick up on this and subtly nod in understanding.

Grif, not dropping his act, rolls his eyes and sarcastically replies "Yes Mom, we got it."

The man, clearly not convinced asks "Okay. Quick quiz, then. What are you gonna do if you find an artifact?"

"Not take it," Caboose answers.

" No," the man growls, "That was a trick question. You're not going to find an artifact because you're not going to be looking for an artifact."

"Can this guys be any more suspicious?" I hear Rowe mutter.

Caboose counters with "Maybe I know it was a trick question… so I gave you a trick answer."

" _Not a bad counter_ ," Carrie muses.

The man growls "There are no trick answers, there are only wrong answers. Are we clear?"

" _Debatable,_ " Carrie chuckles.

Only Grif replies saying lazily "Yes."

"Are. We. Clear?" the man asks again emphasizing each word.

"Yes!" everyone replies but me. I guess I felt like messing with him I don't know.

Too bad the guy picked up on it, he walks up to me, leans closer and says "I couldn't hear you. Are we clear?"

With a smart ass tone I reply "Crystal."

"Don't get cute with me," he growls back. He then looks at the rest of us and says "Okay. Then head down there. On the left, you'll find some wracked jeeps you can scavenge for parts. There's also water down there on the left, too. Keep yourselves hydrated. You want some chow? It's with the water on the left."

Sarge nods "Thanks. And we'll be leaving as soon as we can."

The man replies "Yes, you will."

As we pass the corner out of view of him I snort "Yeah, no we won't."

"Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?" Grif asks.

Sarge nods "Yeah. Something just doesn't seem right."

" I know," Caboose comments "Everything is on the left."

Rowe rolls her eyes and sighs "No Caboose that's not it, and Sarge, it's a little more obvious than just "something"," Rowe comments.

"Well yeah I know," Sarge retort, "I-it, it just felt cool to say it that way!"

"Lockett, you haven't said much in a while," Rowe says to me, "What do think about all this?"

"I think we're in trouble," I tell them. "I don't know who those guys were but they are definitely not military."

"How can you tell that?" Sarge asks.

"Let's put it this way Sarge," I explain, "If they were military, hell maybe even if it was just military funded, we would have been surrounded and held at gunpoint as soon as we set foot into the area. Then we would have found ourselves handcuffed to a table in a small square room with an intelligence officer interrogating us while his superiors watch us through a one way mirror."

"Oh," Sarge mumbles.

I then continue "Yeah, and if it was civilian which it isn't because we were told otherwise, it would most likely be private property in which we would be arrested and probably charged with trespassing."

"I can tell you put a lot of thought into this," Carrie laughs right as we reach the pile of destroyed jeeps.

I just roll my eyes and finish "Anyways, these guys don't operate like anyone I've ever seen, it's almost like they act like no one knows they are here or what they are doing and they're trying to keep it that way."

"Then how are we here?" Grif laughs as he and I then start scrounging around the destroyed jeeps. Rowe brings our rides along while Sarge and Caboose

Rowe then attempts to call grif again "Simmons, are you there? It's Rowe." She then scrambles around with the frequency before she lets out a groan "Radio is still not working."

"You wanna try their jeep?" Rowe asks.

Carrie deadpans and says "If they really shouldn't be here and they're really jamming the area, you really think that they wouldn't jam their own signals as well just as a precaution?" I can't tell if she's being sarcastic or not. They then all stare at me as if I have the answer to what they should do next.

I sigh and groan "Might as well. Carrie, you and Rowe mess around with the frequency, maybe we can find away around what ever's jamming us," and Grif and I walk over to where Caboose and Sarge were. I can only imagine what they could be talking about.

Sarge asks Caboose "What the hell is wrong with this jeep anyway?" he scratches helmet, "It doesn't have a turret." Wow, that is so Sarge.

Caboose shrugs and says "Maybe it's just a car?"

Sarge just stares blankly and asks "What does that mean?"

Caboose relies "You know, like a car. A regular car." I'm sure that concept is going well over Sarge's head.

"What kind of car doesn't have a massive cannon on it?" Sarge cries incredulously, yeah I was right, Sarge fitting back in civilian is a completely useless…..

"I'm guessing you've never seen the logistical side of the military," I mumble, "Or the transport side."

Caboose replies matter-o-factly "All kinds of cars. Most kinds of cars." ….illogical….

Sarge scoffs and says "That's ridiculous. That would be like saying there's some kind of thing you can wear on your head that's not armor plated, and doesn't offer a 5x optical zoom." ….and costly endeavor.

"It would seem that you've never heard of watch caps or boonies either," I mutter as I roll my eyes. Caboose nods taking in all he' heard.

He suggests to Sarge " I think you've been in the military a really long time."

"It's a bit worse than that Caboose," I quietly snicker.

"Yep. It's been a good run," Sarge smiles proudly as Grif climbs into the driver's seat and I climb in the passenger's.

"You actually listen to them?" Rowe incredulously asks me.

"I can't help it," I reply.

"Tell me about it," Grif snorts, he then turns to me and groans "Dammit, no radio here either? Someone's yanked it out. Why would they deliberately pull the radio out of their own jeep?"

"Looks like they weren't even expecting contact from their own people," I mutter.

"So what do we do then?" Grif asks.

"You're guess is as good as mine," I tell him. I then turn to see Caboose right up in front of me. "Uh….can I help you?" I ask.

"Let me take a look at it," requested Caboose.

Grif and I share a glance, I just shrug and Grif asks "Why? You want to confirm that there's no radio?"

"Maybe I can fix it," Caboose replies.

Grif and I share another confused glance before Grif says "How are you going to fix something that isn't even the-" he then throws his arms up in defeat and sighs "You know what, no, fuck it, go for it, whatever." He then gets out of the jeep and turns to Sarge. He says "This place gives me the creeps. Something's really wrong here."

"Something does seem out of place," Sarge muses, "But maybe we're overreacting. Maybe they're just using the parts from this radio to fix the others."

Grif raises his eyebrows "And we just happen to only find all the ones that are broken? That seems unlikely. Locket, is this normal for you?"

"I think we've confirmed that these guys aren't military," I reply, "I'm guessing these guys aren't expecting to get any support, like they're the only ones or something. It's weird, it's like these guys are behaving like rebels, which is odd when I seem to recognize their leader."

"From where?" both Sarge and Grif ask.

"I don't remember," I sheepishly reply. "Something tells me it was very important, I have an idea but I don't have anything evidence to support it." I then look behind the two and I see Rowe heading this way. "Grif I might have a solution to our radio problem." I then call over to her "Hope you got some good news."

Rowe chuckles "I did what you told me to do, it only sounds like static to me but Carrie assures me the radio works fine." Carrie then appears as if on cue over my right shoulder.

She states "It will. Through some clever techniques I managed to pull, I managed to get the radio to transmit through a different frequency around the jammer. "

"What's the catch?" Grif sighs.

"It's sandstorm season," Carrie replies. Oh yeah, "The storm seems to be blocking our signal. Though it's not the end of all hopes as I do have one possible solution. We may just need a dish or antenna strong enough to reach whoever you're planning to call. Or we can wait until the storm dies down. That's also an option."

I turn back to the guys, "What do you want to do?"

Grif glances at the elephant, he asks "You think that freighter over there might have one?"

"Sheila, is that you?" I hear a voice to my left ask. I look over and it's Caboose who has magically teleported into the driver's seat. He then continues "Are you there? Um... Delta? Tex?"

"Caboose?" I call out, "What are you doing?" Caboose jumped as it seemed he did not expect me to catch him.

"Nothing," Caboose quickly cries. I look past him and noticed he dropped the memory unit.

Grif then sighs "Uh oh, here he comes." I looked to where he was pointing and notice the leader coming our way.

I quickly tell Caboose "Caboose stop messing with their jeep," before I then climb out myself.

Caboose cries "I'm not doing anything! Just ignore me!"

"Caboose," I groan, "Now I definitely want to know what you're doing."

"I'm not doing anything!" he cries again. I then notice the man getting closer.

I lean over to Sarge and ask "How's your improv."

Sarge looks offended and says "Do you even need to ask." I pat him on the shoulder giving him the go ahead. He then tells the rest of the guys "Okay, let's see what we can find out. You guys follow my lead."

Rowe grabs my arm and whispers "Lockett are you sure about this?" I nod, she still didn't seem convinced but she let me go.

The man approaches Sarge and I, he asks "Hey, what's going on down here."

" I said nothing," Caboose quickly says.

Ignoring Caboose Sarge replies "We're just down here scavenging for parts like you said."

This was exactly the man wanted to hear as he nods and says "Okay, well hurry it up." Too bad he's still kind of an ass, and still very obvious about not wanting us here, like really, he's not doing anything but making us more suspicious about what's going on.

Grif asks with an 'are you serious?' look "You realize we're not gonna fix this in like the next ten minutes right?"

The man nods "Yeah, just the sooner the better." Sarge gives me a look and I smirk and give him a nod. Yeah let's fuck with this guy.

I ask "Why? What's going on around here?" Rowe instantly knows what's going on and just groans, Carrie seems to be watching us in awe. It was well hidden but I could vaguely make out an avatar laying down on the dash of the jeep with her hands propping up her head.

"I can't tell you that," he replies.

Sarge counters with "You can't tell us, or you don't want to tell us?"

The man growls "I can't tell you which is convenient because I don't want to tell you."

"Why don't you want to tell us?" Grif asks.

"Because it's secret!" the man shouts.

"Regular secret, or top secret?" I ask dumbly.

"Top secret!" he cries.

"Well, why is it so secretive?" Grif asks.

"I can't tell you that because that information is classified," he says back.

"Why is it classified?" I ask, well knowing we already asked this, arguably twice.

"Because it's top secret!" he cries.

"Why is it so secret?" Grif asks again.

"Um guys?" I here Rowe ask, but she's soon cut off by the man.

"Because it's uh, classified and important," the man says. Ha! We went in a circle meaning he's running out of responses and bullshit. "Anything and everything involved with what we're doing here is classified!"

The three of us share a glance before we all ask "What is it classified as?"

Finally fed up, the man cries "Classified as something I can't tell you, now stop fishing for information!" Easiest way to piss someone off is to ask them stupid questions continuously.

A moment of silence passes before Grif asks " ... What information do you think we're fishing for?"

"Pffft," I'm sorry, I couldn't keep a straight face after that. Nice one Grif.

The man just seems to deadpan and glare "Okay, that wasn't even a good attempt."

Grif shrugs and sighs in defeat "Yeah, I gotta agree with that."

"Look, I'm sure you're curious," he starts.

Now with a glare, I growl "You have no idea."

He growls back with an intimidating sneer "We're curious about you as well. All you need to know is what you can plainly see: We're trying to uncover that structure to ... recover something. That's already more than you need to know!" Was a nice attempt but I have seen enough to know that he doesn't scare me.

"Guys?" Rowe tries again.

"Do you have a name?" Grif then asks.

He replies "You can call me C.T." That name, it can't be them.

" _Carrie, I need you run a scan with that name,_ " I secretly tell her. She winks a green light telling me she acknowledges.

"Got a rank there, C.T.?" I ask.

He turns to me and says "Not one you would recognize. Now let's-" He then looks at the rest of us then asks. He then shouts "Where's your other guy?"

My head shouts back to Rowe and she sighs "I tried to tell you guys." I look back to Sarge and Grif to see they are still playing dumb.

"Uh, what guy?" Sarge asks,

"The other guy," he states.

"She's right there," I point to the warthog. Rowe waves.

"No!" he cries "I mean him!"

"He's right there," Sarge said pointing at Grif.

"No the Blue guy!" he cries getting angry….again.

"He's right there," Sarge points to me.

"No!" he cries almost at the breaking point, "The other Blue guy!"

Grif replies, kind of asks "He's right... there?" He points at me again.

"THAT'S IT!" he roars, "You're either here to investigate us, or you're complete idiots! Either way, I've had it."

"Investigate?" I ask. Yeah, that's exactly why we're here.

C.T. angry growls "Grrrrr… Tell me where the blue guy went, or I'll shoot the orange one." He turns and points his rifle at Grif. I stare at Sarge looking for a reaction, Sarge just stood here patiently waiting for him to execute sai threat.

"...Well!?" he cries.

Grif sighs "Dude, I can save you some time. You just picked the wrong guy to threaten. It'll make more sense when you get to know us." Just then, an alarm goes off and we see a bunch of soldiers and aliens running for the elephant.

"That's him, isn't it!?" he angrily cries!

"Probably," Grif snorts.

"Move! Up the hill!" C.T. orders us.

" _Lockett I found something important,_ " Carrie says, " _It's on C.T._ "

" _Later!_ " I cry into the radio.

" _But Lockett, C.T. ios dead,_ " she cries. Wait, what?

 **Author's Note: The end. Here's another chapter, I hope it was fine. Oh, I may not be updating next week, I'm getting my wisdom teeth removed. I'll try but we'll see how well it goes. I hope you guys don't have too much of a problem with this. See you next week hopefully. Remember...Big Brother is watching.**


	37. The Reunion

**Author's Note: Okay, so I guess I can make it this week. I wish I couldn't feel the left side of my jaw right now but whatever. I had my first official surgury.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.**

The Reunion

"Come on, move!" C.T. ordered as we made us the four of us run to the elephant. When we got to the elephant, guess who we saw. No seriously guess….No! It was Caboose! Surrounded by a bunch of soldiers!

"All right already!" Grif cried as they shoved us forward "We're moving! Don't boss me!"

"Hey. What's going on up here?" C.T. angrily asks. I think we all know that he knows what's going on, but we like to think he does it to make him look cooler or more intimidating or whatever.

"Blrghh? Rrhgh," the aline uh, Smith replies. Why the fuck is he names Smith?

"Sabotaging the digger, huh?" he growls "I knew it! Who sent you here? What do they know about us?" It seems like he was waiting for this to happen. Now that I think about it does a little more sense, there's no way he would have let us just leave, at least I wouldn't have.

Sarge groans "Dammit, Caboose! Why do you keep messing with the vehicles!?"

Caboose replies in his usual cheery tone " Oh! Yeah, I was just trying to find a home for Epsilon. No biggie." He then points at the memory unit next to him.

C.T. stares and cries "What? What is that thing?" At that moment the desert started to rumble. Smith starts to glance around confused and it was at the moment when we all looked and witnessed the temple door opening.

"Shit!" C.T. curses, "He's opening the temple! Dammit!" He then turns and yells "Are you with them!?"

"With who?" Grif cries.

 **AN: Don't know the name of the original track. So I think this one will have to do.**

 **Play Track: MW2 Soundtrack: The Hornet's Nest**

C.T. turn back to his man and angrily barks " Aw, crap! Get down there! Kill them if you have to and don't let that door close again no matter what happens!" The soldiers and aliens all rush for the temple entrance.

"We gotta move!" I barked, and we all ran in the opposite direction.

"Let's get the fuck out of here!" Grif nods in agreement. All around us rounds started to pour out around us and soon the bodies of aliens and soldiers start falling all around us.

"Shit! Smith! Turret!" C.T. screamed, and the aline climbed onto the ridge and climbed in said turret.

"Over there!" C.T. cries and runs off with his soldiers. In all the chaos Grif and I manage to climb aboard the elephant.

"Grif grab the controls!" I cry while watching the entrance.

"Hahaa, see ya, suckers! You just got yoinked!" Grif laughs mischievously. I then look around quickly taking note of all the equipment and sensors they have on board. "'the fuck do you drive this thing?" I hear Grif cry. "? Why are there only four levers if there are six directions!? Where the fuck is second gear?"

I run over and push him aside crying "Let me see." Okay, we have two levers okay, and uh….huh? "Wait, what? What is this?" I turn to Grif who is just as puzzled.

We both then hear Sarge screaming at us while he runs by "Guys! If you need to run away in the middle of battle, at least have the decency to drive faster than I can run!"

"Is the emergency brake on?" I asked aloud while looking over all the buttons, "I don't see—"

Grif grabs my shoulder and cries "Man fuck this! Let's get out of here." He then starts to run out.

"Wait I cry!" turning back around.

"What?" he asks. I raise my smg and spray the rounds into the computers and controls. I then turn to him saying "Alright let's go!" We then run out finally getting a good view of the battle we were in the middle of.

"Get down!" one of C.T.'s men screams as an explosion goes off near him.

I look over the ridge on the wall to see Smith firing the turret at something. All of a sudden his head explodes into a cloud of red mist and behind where his her head use to be, angled downward was a trail of wipe vapor that seemed to end in a small hole in the wall behind the turret..

"Nice shot," I murmur. I haven't seen accuracy like that in….well since Blood Gulch. A mongoose drives by carrying a pair of soldiers and they were firing at something to their right. They had failed to notice a grenade that had landed in front of them and when it exploded, it launched the bike into the air flipping it and killing the passenger.

"Aw fuck!" the driver cries as he gets up and regroups with the others.

They are soon pushed back to the wall and C.T. screams "Cover me!" he then runs back into the ruins and screams "Fall back!" and his men followed. It was that moment we made our getaway. As we were fleeing, Caboose stop dead in his tracks causing us to pretty much bump into him.

"Caboose!" I cry, "What is it?"

Caboose points straight ahead and cries "Tucker!" We all stop and stare as a soldier clad in aqua colored Mk. VI armor.

"Tucker?" we all ask.

We then hear his radio go off and a female voice opens up "Tucker, we have them on the run! Now's our window, we gotta move!"

Tucker then turns to us "Hey guys! Run for the temple! We'll cover you, hurry!"

"Oh—my—Tucker! Is that you!?" Caboose excitedly cries.

"Caboose happy to see Tucker?" Carrie chuckles "That's a first."

Tucker replies "Yeah, of course it's me! Now _move_!" The five of us decided to just stand there.

"So… where have you been?" Caboose asks casually as an explosion goes off somewhere behind Tucker. Are we really small talking right now?

Tucker incredulously cries "What is this, some kind of fucking reunion!? Move your asses, idiots! I'll meet you over there!" and we then finally take off.

While we were running Sarge mutters "What in Sam Hell was all that?"

Grif cries from behind me "Who cares? Just move!"

As we made our way to the temple I noticed a figure at the entrance picking off any soldiers that got too close. Judging by the green rounds coming from the figure's rifle, he was using a carbine.

"There's the entrance!" Tucker cried, "Go go go!"

As we ran through the entrance, it became clear to me that the figure was not human, it was in fact a sangheili donned in blue ascetic armor. He paid no mind to us and just continued on shooting ang soldiers or a line that would move into his sights. Grif and Caboose join the sangheili adding their fire into the mix.

"Hold them off! I'll get the door!" Tucker cries. I rush up to the entrance to see Tucker running in with another soldier in teal colored armor and a CQB helmet holding a shotgun hot on his heals. Is that woh I think it is? "There," he breaths as he door closes.

 **End Track**

"Ahhh!" I groan as something big and blue hits me knocking me to the ground. "Wha-" I glance at the elite from earlier who at the moment has in a bone crunching embrace and appears to be….purring? "Hello?" I croaked.

"I knew we would meet again on the fields of battle Warrior Lockett," _She_ whispered.

"MEIA?!" I cried out half surprised, half happy. She then gets off of me pulling me up

"Looks like you two are getting along well," the teal soldier laughs as she pulls off her helmet and gives Tucker a quick kiss on the side of his helmet. She then said "Welcome back."

I turn to the teal soldier and ask "Fergo?" I CQB turned to me.

She then cheerfully greets "Oh hey Lockett! I didn't know you were with these guys!" I glanced behind her and noticed something different.

"When did you get a hammer?" I asks.

"Oh this?" she asks, grabbing the handle with one hand and pulling out and shows it with the ease of a man swinging around a baseball with one hand. **AU Think of it like that scene when Ruby first showed off Crescent Rose to Jaune in like the second episode of RWBY.** "I picked it off of one of the first temples we visited during one of our missions."

"Yeah," laughs Tucker, "The alien monks there kept going on about how the hammer picked her and that she was the chosen one or some shit. No big quest this time though. Hers was more of a King Arthur situation."

"Tucker! Fergo!" Caboose cried wrapping the latter into the tight hug.

"Hey Caboose," Tucker waves.

"Caboose!" Fergo joyfully cried returning his embrace. "I've missed you!"

"I missed you too!" Caboose cries back.

"Hey Tucker," I casually greet.

"Oh hey man, how you doing?" he asks just as casually.

"Got my rank back!" I replied.

"Really?" he asks. "That's great."

"Oh, hey look, it's that guy," Grif lazily mutters.

"You brought these guys?" Tucker asks, somewhat surprised. "Are we killin' each other today? Or pretending to work together?"

"The second one," I reply.

"Oh, okay, cool," Tucker then swaps his sword for his gun and walks over to greet the others "Hey dudes, what's up? How'd y'all find me?"

"The UNSC sent me," I replied, I then motion at the others and say "I dragged them along when Donut came running to them with a message from you."

"What?!" cried Tucker, "The message was a _distress_ signal, I wanted help!" Fergo was immediately at his side trying to calm him down. "I wanted less distress, not _more_ distress!"

"Shhh, it's okay," hushed Fergo now cradling Tucker's head. "Hush now."

Tucker takes a deep breath, now calm he asks me "What took you guys so long anyway?"

"What do you mean?" we ask curiously.

"You guys forever to get here," Fergo replies. "We've been waiting for months."

"It's almost seemed as if your people had abandoned us," Media said solemnly.

"Tucker," I sigh "I only got the message a week ago, and it was from the Navy."

"The Navy?" Tucker asks, the three stare at me all sharing confused looks. "Why do they have it, I sent it to Command." *cough* We turn and stare at the others shuffling nervously.

I stiffen up a little and sternly ask "What did you guys do?"

"It's a long story," Grif replied, "We actually didn't tell Lockett about the call."

I deadpanned while in the background I could hear the sounds of the faces of the three people we can to "rescue" hit the floor with a loud crash.

Tucker, as if nothing had happened, casually asks " Ohh, I get it. So me making an emergency radio call, not a big deal. Donut telling you some dumb homo story, red alert!"

Sarge shrugs "Pretty much," and everyone nods in agreement.

Tucker turns to me and I reply "I know, I felt the same way when they called me."

"So where is the rest of you?" Fergo asks as she disassembles her shotgun. I glance over at the main party and watch as they all shared confused glances.

"What do you mean?" Rowe asks.

"Other warriors," Meia replied, she then chuckles "You surely didn't come here on your own did you?" Fergo and Tucker also started laughing at the ridiculous prospect.

Their smiles fade and Tucker deadpans "You didn't bring any other soldiers, did you?"

"Lockett?" Rowe asks. Suddenly, all eyes are on me.

"I was advised not to," I replied.

"Why?" Tucker asks.

"They suspected insurrectionist activity," I replied, "Had I walked in here with a squad of UNSC soldiers, we would have been shot on sight."

"Then why are you here?" Fergo asks.

"My job was simply to perform recon on this place," I explained, "Find out if you were still alive, confirm if they were rebels, and then call in support."

"Where's the support then?" Tucker asks.

I sighed, "I lost signal to command as soon as we got here, and as far as command knows, we're probably just having an equipment malfunction."

"So you basically got stranded here without any way to call for help?" Tucker asks.

"Not unless you have away past their jammer," I replied. "What is exactly going on here anyway?"

Tucker glances warily at the others " Uh, it's kind of hard to explain. They think there's some kind of artifact here-"

I cut him off saying "Yeah I know about that part, what's the current situation here?" I could do with a few less stupid questions.

"Well the reason we are here," Tucker points to himself, Fergo, and Meia, "Is because of the artifact alien bullshit here. Since the aliens are all into that shit, and I guess all the humans are too. So, me and Junior have to go around sometimes and help… negotiate stuff. You know. Smooth talk."

"How does Fergo and Meia play into this?" I ask pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Meia is his interpreter and I'm his head of security," Fergo replies.

"Wait," Grif stands up and asks "Because an aline fucked and knocked you up, said alien race made you and your mixed raced abomination ambassadors?"

"Yep," Tucker replies nonchalantly.

"I guess that's what qualifies as good enough," Rowe mutters.

Tucker laughs, "I dunno, humans and aliens just seem more comfortable with us, since we're kind of… you know, in between."

"In between aliens and humans, huh. You mean in between two alien and human? …Ladies?" Caboose asks mischievously.

"Caboose please don't," I practically begged.

Tucker retorts "Come on, dude. Seriously? You're not gonna get me to say it with that lame-ass joke. I'm not that easy." Fergo snorted and Meia watched intently as the five of us sat with a deadpan gaze, staring at Tucker just waiting for him to say it. We all know it's coming.

Tucker finally laughs "… Okay, well maybe I am that easy, bow-chicka-bow-wow. See, now that's a set-up."

We pretty much all let out a groan while caboose laughs "Ahaha. Yeah, I hope one day you will tell me what you're going to do between the two ladies."

"Caboose I'll explain the 'Birds and the Bees' later, can we please get back on topic?" she groans.

Sarge nods "Right, so are you part of the group that C.T. told us about?"

"That asshole?" laughs Fergo.

Tucker cries "He's a fucking liar. He and his team killed the guys originally sent to dig this thing up, then they tried to kill me."

"He also managed turned all of my people against yours," Meia adds.

"How'd he manage that?" Grif asks.

"I believe the phrase is 'Appeal to their wallets'?" Meia asks, when I give her a nod, she continues, "My fellow warriors were a bit….obsessed with the relics, obsessed enough that the felt it would be faster if they followed the one you call C.T."

"Why do you always work with such shitty people?" Rowe asks.

Meia sighs and hangs her head and sags her shoulders, "Question of my life."

"You're getting better at your human phrases," I mused. The complement seemed to help brighten up her day.

She then continues, "As I was saying, it would be unwise to think that C.T. would not attempt to take the relics for himself once he and his new found 'allies' have finished recovering them."

"Wait speaking of C.T.? Carrie?" her avatar appears, much to the surprise of the three occupants of the temple.

"Wait Locket?" Tucker calls out surprised, "You have a hot chick with you? In your head?"

"You're not my type Tucker," Carrie retorts casually.

"Well first that was harsh," he replies somewhat offended, "Second, I was just saying 'cause I'm already spoken for anyway."

"You better be." Fergo growls now at his side, she then wraps her arm around his and chuckles "Turned down by an A.I., I think that's a new low for you Vernius."

Well before they go about their personal talks in front of my, I turn and ask Carrie, "You said C.T. is dead earlier, what did you mean by that?"

"Wait what?" Sare asks.

"C.T.'s dead?" Grif asks equally surprised as Sarge.

"What did you find this out?" Rowe asks.

"Right before you guys got rescued," Carrie replies, she turns back to me and continues, "It looks like you're probably right about them being insurrectionists."

"Let me guess…." this is brilliant, "C.T. was a freelancer." This cases pretty much everyone to groan, growl, show whatever frustrations they had.

"The armor matches," Carrie sighs.

"Why is it always us!" Grif cries.

"What else?" Tucker asks.

"Well," we watch as Carrie pulls up C.T.'s file, "Agent Connecticut as _she_ was reported MIA about 2-3 years ago."

"She?" everyone asks.

"The original C.T. was a girl," I sighed, everyone turns to me, "I….may have ran into her in one of my old missions."

"Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Sarge asks.

"Because I don't think they're the same person," I replied, "I mean I am pretty sure the one I saw back then is not the same as the guy that greeted us when we first got here."

"Well, one's a boy and the other's a girl," Grif snorts, "Can't imagine why you didn't recognize him."

"Well, that and this one was also taller than the last," I mused.

"Why was she missing?" Tucker asks Carrie.

"That's what the file says," Carrie replies, "get this, I did some further digging and look what I found." She then pulls up a digital copy of something.

"Is that a hit order?" I asked. "Through my days in the office, I had to go through a lot of paperwork." I pointed at the hologram, "I've never actually handled one of those before, but I do recognize what it looks like."

Carrie smirks, "Connecticut was charged with treason, apparently she defected to the Insurrection and the Director sent a squad of Freelancers to assassinate her."

"Grim," I mumble, "They never found a body did they?"

"It would explain how they got the armor," Carrie muses.

"So let me get this straight," Fergo stand up, "The asshole out there is some rebel leader using freelancer tech and probably plans to use the alien tech here," points the the temple, "To probably enhance his tech and use it to wage war against all of humanity?"

"Ahh, just another day at work," laughs Sarge.

"I missed these adventures," Meia sighed.

"Yeah, it's a shame not all of us made it," Caboose sniffed.

I wrap an arm around him, "Hey kid, it's alright." Carrie appears to his right mirroring my actions.

"Yeah about that," Tucker asks "Where's Church."

"Do you want to tell him?" I ask Caboose, he nods and stands up.

"He's dead," Caboose flat out says to Tucker, Fergo, and Meia. I think he's gonna need to explain a little.

"Wait I am confused," Meia comments, "Wasn't he dead when I first met him?"

"She's right," nods Fergo, "Being 'dead' hasn't exactly stopped him in the past."

" Oh yeah," Caboose then quickly sums up our past adventure, "We also found out that he's, not a ghost, and that he's an A.I. computer program, like Sheila."

Both Meia and Fergo stared wide eyed while Tucker responds in a slightly higher pitched voice "Yeah, I knew that." fergo glances over at him weirdly.

"You did?" I smirk, yeah don't worry, I'm know he had no idea.

"Yeah, you guys didn't?" he says quickly "Ha, pay fuckin' attention, what the fuck are you guys paying attention to?"

"Oh, uh, I have my suspicions," Grif sputters.

"Of course, I just didn't want to tell anybody," Sarge lies. Let's be real, I'm probably the only one here who had some idea of what was really going on. Not going to tell them that though, something tells me they'll find out on their own.

"You guys are idiots," Rowe groans, rolling her eyes.

Caboose laughs "I still want to know what Tucker's going to do between the two ladies." I think Caboose just wanted to say something.

Tucker then gives it to us straight, "Look guys, I need your help. We either need to chase these guys off or destroy this facility. Or pick up some chicks. Old habits die hard."

"We can scratch destroying off the list," I sigh, "We don't exactly have the equipment to do so. We might have to fight."

"And if we don't succeed we'll die fighting?" asks Meia.

"Fuck that," I hear Grif mutter.

"We'll do what we have to," I reply.

"Tell you one thing," Fergo turns to tucker, "That ancient race sure built a lot of weapons."

Tucker laughs "I know right! First they built these rings that were a huge weapon, then we found this super powerful cube-shaped weapon, and I guess this is the pyramid version."

"You know it could be just an information cache," I reasoned.

"It's more than likely that," Meia adds, "Finding weapons is a lot rarer than you think."

Grif groans " Seriously? I mean did they really need to spend all their time building stuff to destroy the universe and shit? Like, how about the galaxy's biggest movie theater or, like some kind of super advanced water park? All work and no play guys, seriously."

"What makes you think they didn't?" I ask.

 **Author's Note: There, we are done with another chapter, and we have some returning characters, any questions you may have now I promise will get answered later on down the line. I hope this series is going well, because I plan to write as much as I can. If you got anything you think I could add to the story, you know where to find me. As all ways, thank you for reading, and remember, Big Brother is Watching.**


	38. Church?

**Author's Note: Here we go, next chapter. I don't have much to say for this, so let's just get started.**

 **Disclaimer: Red vs Blue does not belong to me, it belongs to Rooster Teeth.**

Church?

*BOOM*

The entire temple shook again from the impact on the entrance.

"Looks they've resorted to just ramming it into the entrance," Carrie sighs.

"The hell are they doing out there?" Grif asks.

"Isn't it obvious?" jokes Fergo.

Tucker replies "They've been trying to blast their way in here ever since I locked it down. They're not having much luck though," he then proceeds to turn and raise his voice "ARE YOU, FUCKING ASSHOLES?" Not like they can hear it, Tucker turns back and explains "The stuff looks like rock, but it's way tougher."

"What's tougher than rock?" Grif asks. Just for a second, I stop massaging my throbbing head just to look at him with a face that reads 'really?'

"Paper," Caboose quickly replies causing Fergo to snort while I give him the same look.

Tucker shrugs "How the fuck should I know? Super rock? What am I, some kind of, geographist?" He then asks me "Lockett, what do you think?"

"Alien bull shit," I mumble, still nursing my head.

Sarge turns to Tucker and mentions "They have some kind of big machine out there."

Fergo snorts "Yeah, they been using all sorts of methods to try and get in here. They've tried blowing it, drilling it, smash it, and just recently, they've been using this big crane to try and yank the door off. Yeah, not fucking happening." She then glances at the direction of the banging and muses "It does appear that they've resorted to ramming it into the door." She turns to us and asks "Did you guys have anything to do with that?"

Grif looks over to me and he smirks "Locket emptied a clip of his smg into the consoles."

"Nice," laughs Tucker.

"So they wanna get their hands on that weapon?" Sarge asks.

"And it is imperative that we do not allow the relic to fall into their hands," Meia adds sternly.

"Well, why don't we just turn it on and use it against them?" Sarge asks.

"That's a great idea Sarge," Rowe replies with subtle hints of sarcasm in her voice, "Let's activate an alien device that we have no idea what said device is or what it's capable of."

"I always knew you were on my side Rowe!" Sarge exclaims proudly causing her to groan exasperatedly.

"Yeah, fuck that," nods Tucker, "For all we know it could make us all sterile for all we know!"

"Would it really do that?" Grif asks slightly worried.

Fergo replies "Well, the last weapon we found was designed to wipe out all organic life in a huge radius." A very crude explanation of how the Halo rings work, but alright, it's about as much as anyone has ever given us.

"Wow. … " whistles Grif, "What's a, radius?"

In my attempt of explaining"It's like the area around like an explosion. It's kind of hard to explain without a picture."

Grif nods in understanding, "Oh," he turns to Tucker and asks, "Why didn't you just say that?"

Tucker shrugs " I don't know, they just made us learn this crap for our dumb job. Point is, don't touch anything. You hit the wrong button or flip the wrong switch, we'll all be dead before you can say—Where's Caboose?" This instantly snaps me out of my daze and I glance up at him.

"What?" I ask.

Sarge, also slightly confused comments "Uh, I don't think that's how that expression goes."

"No, I mean where the fuck is Caboose?" Tucker asks. Everyone is looking around slightly confused, but not me know. I'm right now just trying to process what I was just asked.

3….2….1…."Oh shit!" I screamed and jumped up. "Caboose!"

"Oh yeah…" murmurs Sarge, "He does have a habit of wandering off. He's been trying to rig equipment to do something. We don't really know what. That boy is not quite right, you know?" Fergo then walks over to him and clonks him on the head.

"Ooahh!" groans Sage.

"You idiot!" Fargo shrieks "Your job was to watch him! Who knows what he may do without your supervision! Or worse….he could get hurt!" Looks like she has her priorities straight.

"Carrie you think you can find him?" I ask, no answer. "Carrier?" Well, shit, I turn to the others sigh "Looks like she went with him to wherever he wandered off too."

"Hey! He's on your team, asshole," Grif retorted defensively.

"You brought him here," Meia argues back, "Thus it was in your responsibility to keep the child from harm."

"Fuck that," Grif groans, "He's the reason we're even here to begin with."

Meia just stares blankly for a second before asking "You know you just proved my point right?"

"Oh shut up," Grif mutters.

"Whatever," Fergo growls at us, "You guys lost him, so you're going to help us find him."

"Let's go," grunts Sarge who walks out of the room first, then followed by Rowe and then me..

Behind me I could hear Grif saying to tucker with a smartass tone "So embarrassing for you…"

"Just find him," Tucker groans.

"So sad…" Grif sighs.

"I fucked your sister," he quickly snaps.

"No you didn't," snorts Grif, "I know you and Fergo and tied together with everything other than the law."

"Shut up both of you," Fergo says with a bored tone.

"Just open the temple and you can leave. We'll take what we want; no one has to get hurt," C.T. blasts through his intercom.

"Not again," growls Fergo.

"This happen often?" Rowe asks Tucker.

"We should have crashed that fucking speaker," Tucker grumbles, I guess that's our answer.

"Caboose!" I call out.

"Caboose?" follows Fergo, "Where are you sweetie?"

The then shouts "Hey, Blue! Hope you're not dead! Now that there's four of ya," he quickly lgances at Meia, "Potentially five, we finally have a fair fight! Come on out here so we can kill ya!"

"Sarge," sighs Grif, "That would make with five of them versus three of us. How is that fair?"

"If it make you feel better I'll remain neutral and not take part," I reply..

Sarge smiles "See Grif, we always have options."

"That's not what I asked," Grif sighs. He then quickens his pace walking further away from Sarge.

Meia then puts an arm out and stops him, "What is it?" I ask.

"I believe I hear something," Meia whispers. We all stop and listen.

We could vaguely hear Caboose whispers "Would you be quiet? See, you're gonna get me in trouble." The question is who is he talking to.

"Trouble? Fuck that," retorts a slightly robotic, yet somewhat familiar voice.

"Caboose!" we hear Carrie hiss, "You need to get him under control now before we get caught!"

"We are not alone," Meia mumbles gravely and tightens the grip on her carbine and reach down and remove the safety off my smg.

"Aw shit," curses Tucker, "Did someone break in?"

"We would have heard it if someone did," Fergo reasons.

"Shut up—" grunts Caboose and makes noise akin to someone trying to grab onto something.

"Get off!" cried the voice and the resounding thump could be hard followed by the sound of someone falling and shattering.

"Dammit!" cursed Carrie, "Look at waht you to did!"

Caboose then tries shifting the blame "Yeah look at what you did!"

"That, that was already broken," lied the stranger.

"Whew!" Tucker draws his sword and says "Alright, let's charge in there and take these assholes out." Fergo unholster her hammer while we ready our guns. Tucker counts down "On my mar," he stops and reiterates "…That means when I say "go.""

Rowe deadpans "Yeah we got that."

"I can't shake the fact that that voice sounds really familiar," I commented.

The guys stopped and listened for a moment, Sarge adds "Yeah. I find it annoying and grating for some reason."

"Okay, just stop moving around, hold still!" Caboose grunts.

"I am holding still, you're the one that's moving," the voice snaps.

"Oh my god," groans Carrie, "You two are making so much noise! It's a wonder how we haven't been caught yet."

"How did I not see this coming?" I mutter.

"Lockett what are you talking about?" Tucker asks, he then pauses, "Wait, yeah, isn't that-"

"Get your hands off me! Fucking douche!" the voice exclaims. I let out a resounding groan and then walk around the corner. What do I find? Caboose trying to grab onto a monitor robot.

Caboose let's go and cries "I'm sorry, Church!"

"Church!" everyone else cries and they run around the corner to join me.

"I'm not even surprised at this point," I sigh.

"I can explain," Caboose says finally after a few awkward moments of silence.

"I'm pretty sure your explanation would raise more questions Caboose," Carrie sighs.

The monitor, now confirmed as Church stares at all of us, he then asks "Who the fuck are these guys?"

Sarge glances at the robot and asks "Who brought the floating bowling ball? Where's the thumb hole?" That's one way to look at him.

"That's Church?" Tucker breathes, the disbelief in his voice could be heard loud and clear. "You're telling me that thing is Church?"

"Not exactly," Carrie replies.

"See, um, technically, uh, this thing is, uh, just a memory of Church. Um, his name is Epsilon," explains Caboose.

"Epsa-whatsawhat?" asks Tucker.

"Me, dipshit!" Epsilon/Church angrily snaps.

Caboose looks over to Carrie who nods and Caboose explains "Uh, yeah, see, he's a resident memory of the guy that Church was based on, so he's kind of like, remembering himself. Yeah, Simmons can explain, yeah, much better than I can, probably."

Grif chuckles "Sounds like I have another reason to be glad Simmons isn't here."

Church faces Sarge and asks Caboose and Carrie "Wait, I thought he was Simmons?"

Caboose shakes his head "No he's Sarge. Sa-a-aarggee-e." I glance over at Rowe who seems to have made the smart decision and is now taking a sip from her flask. I hope she's not become an alcoholic because of these guys, heh, that would be something, a drunk medic.

"I'm confused, not deaf, you idiot!" Church angrily snaps, he turns to Grif and asks "Now who's the yellow one?" causing Rowe to do a spit take empty the contents of her mouth onto the floor while Grif starts to visibly shake. It's kind of funny actually.

"I'm not yellow, I'm orange!" Grif screams.

"Yeah, then how'd you know who I was talking about?" counters Church. I can see why Rowe started drinking just now.

"How come he remembers us, but not who we are?" asks Tucker.

"Well…." Carrie starts.

"Why does everyone think I'm yellow!? Seriously!? Didn't anybody have a box of crayons when they were a kid?" Grif rants.

"I thought he was yellow when I first meet him too," I hear Meia mumble.

Carrie explains "We couldn't exactly inject data into Ep-er….Church while he was in the memory unit, and I only knew so much about you guys. Personal stories say so much more than just files. So a lot of what he knows came from Caboose's storytelling."

"Is that what you've been trying to do all this time?" I ask, "Trying to rebuild Church?"

"Yes," Carrie sighs sadly, "I'm sorry we lied to you….dad."

"Dad?" Sarge asks curiously.

Ignoring their questioning looks, I ask them "So the only stuff he knows about us is what you told him?" They both give me a nod.

"You look upset," Church observes catching my attention. "Why? Is something wrong?"

I shake my head and say, "No, it's just more work. Alright, let's see if we can pick up form where you left off." I take a step closer to Church and ask "First, who here do you know the most other than Caboose and Carrie?"

"Doctor Rowe," he replies.

"Wait how come?" Sarge asks.

"She would come and visit Blue Base every now and then," explained Church.

"Rowe! Dealing with the enemy!" Sarge cries hysterically, "Why you?! Out of everyone else on my team!" Rowe immediately rushes to Sarge's side attempting to calm him down.

Continuing on, I ask "Who am I?"

"You are Lockett," Church replies, "Though for some reason Caboose calls you from time to time either dad or Lieutenant Rocket, and Carrie doesn't seem to disagree."

"Who is he?" I point at Tucker.

"He's Tucker," Church replied, "Who is apparently took the armor off of Captain Flowers who died. What the fuck man? That was kind of a dick move."

"It's not like he was going to need it," Tucker remarks.

"Yeah, Caboose refused to say, pretty much anything about you," Church then turns to Caboose and ask "Why is that?"

"Who is she?" I ask as I point at Fergo.

"Well, the human is Fergo and she is the nice, Caboose tends to switch between calling her his friend or mother."

Tucker and Fergo share a glance and the ask "How come?"

"Well, since you were gone for so long, Caboose sort of had Rowe fill in your place," Carrie explains. This causes Fergo to seem slightly upset, while I couldn't see her face, I could tell from her posture that her separation from the original Blue Team.

Caboose quickly notices this and walks up to Fergo and says "Don't worry, I didn't replace you. You're still one of my bestest friends." He then wraps her in a tight hug.

"Thanks Caboose," Fergo smiles.

Tucker rolls his eyes and says "Uh-huh," he then points at Grif and asks "and who is he?"

"He's Grif," Church replies confidently, "Though Carrie tells me that it's only one "f," but Caboose kept telling me that it was two. He was very specific about that second "f." So I'm not too sure about that so I'll just take Caboose's word for it."

"Why did he take _Caboose's_ word!" cries Grif.

"Who's the red guy?" Tucker asks pointing at Sarge.

Caboose replies "Well, if he's not Simmons, then I guess he's Sarge. _Epsilon-Church)_ That would make him the gruff and regimented leader of the Red Team."

"Okay, that was Carrie's part," I observed, "Now where's Caboose's touch?"

"Which would make him also the captain of their pirate ship," Church finishes. Carrie starts giggling which soon spreads to Fergo and Rowe.

"There it is," Tucker murmurs to me. Yeah.

"Finally," I point at Meia, "Who is she?" I ask.

"Uh," Church ponders for a little "She is the nice alien that was with us when the other alien died. Caboose said he never got to spend a lot of time with her, but for the time he did, she was always nice to him and she always made Lockett happy so she was alright by him." Wait, what did he mean by that?

"Aw that's cute," comments Fergo.

"Well, at least no one jumped to conclusion on that," I mumble. I then glance over to Rwoe who is giving me a weird look, "What are you looking at?" I ask.

She shrugs "Nothing." I could practically feel the humor in her voice, yeah she was definitely going to make a joke about this later.

"Big brother is a very good storyteller," Carrie says proudly while Caboose sheepishly rubs the back of his neck.

"How does he gonna tell stories?" asks Tucker, "He can't even read stories."

"First of all Tucker," Carrie growls, "You don't need to read to tell a story. Second, he can read! He just loses interest quickly!" I grab Tucker's arm in an attempt to stop the argument from escalating.

"Hey come on man," I sigh.

"Caboose is the only guy I know of who had an illustrated field manual," Tucker cries.

"To be fair, the soldier's manual could use more pictures," I reasoned, "It's much easier to have something visualized than to have it just plain out told."

Tucker stares at me blankly for a full three seconds, he then breathes "Okay, true….but still." Tucker turns to the rest of the group and cries "For the first two months I worked with him, he thought Church held grenades over your head, while they shot arrows at the enemy."

Sarge laughs "Heh, you're lucky. As a recruit, Grif didn't even know what a grenade was! I called it a pineapple, and he tried to swallow it."

I turn to Grif in disbelief and ask "Seriously?"

"It still tasted better than those MRE's he serve us," Grif growls with Rowe gagging for emphasis.

"Both of you!" Sarge bellows "Show some respect! Do you know how many men died to develop those meals?"

"I can tell you exactly how many:" Grif shouts back "Everybody who ever tasted one!"

Tucker scoffs "At least he doesn't kill everyone who suits up for your team."

"I thought we all agreed that it was Sheila who killed Church back in the canyon," I commented.

"Yeah," Tucker nods, "But who was driving her?"

I share a glance with Caboose and we rely "Herself?" Tucker just stares at me in just utter awe.

"You of all people," he breathes.

"Argh, you guys are idiots!" Grif cries.

"You're one to talk," snorts Fergo.

"Who's the real idiot? The idiot, or the idiot who fights it?" Sarge counters. I think he was trying to be smart or some siht….whatever.

Rowe grabs his shoulder and says "Sarge, either way, you would still be the idiot."

"Really?" Sarge asks surprised. Rowe nods and Sarge's shoulders sag.

"I agree with her," Grif adds.

"Shut up, Grif!" Sarge growls "I always thought your armor was yellow too! Matches your personality."

"Hey! You shouldn't be mean to people who work for you! He just wants to be your friend!" Caboose cries.

"That's like the last thing he wants to do kid," I sigh. It was at that moment when all chaos broke out between Sarge, Grif, and Tucker. Lot's of shouting and lots of swearing. I glance over at Meia who has been silent the whole time. She had this sort of depressed look as she watched the whole thing.

"How you doing?" I ask. That's all the social skills I got.

"This is just like home," she sighs.

I glance over to the group just in time to catch Grif shouting "You had sex with a rock!" at Tucker.

"And you sucked a guys dick!" Tucker screams back, "You think that's better?!"

"You did what?!" Fergo screamed in shock at both of them, mostly Tucker.

"Why did you bring that up?!" Grif screams.

"Everybody stop!" Church screams silencing everyone.

Caboose was a bit late to catch on as he continued "I AM YELLING ABOUT THINGS!" he glances around and quietly finishes "Okay I guess we're done now."

Church takes a deep breath and then says "All right, listen guys. I might not remember everything right now, but it will come back to me, okay? I can feel it. But I do know this: if we don't work together, and destroy this weapon, those guys outside are gonna kill a lot of people, and we can't let that happen. So just for a moment, let's set aside our differences and get to work solving this problem, together." In the middle of his speech, Church starts floating off. All we could do was silently watch as he floated away. "Being in charge is a tough task, but I'm a born leader. So if you follow me, I know I can get us through this. Are you with me?"

"Where are you going?" Grif asks.

Church finally looks down and finally notices what's going on and says "Uh, yeah, I don't seem to have full control over my body yet. But that doesn't invalidate anything I said! I'm still the leader! Fuck!" Church at this point has not gone into the other room out of sight from us, "Okay, I'll be right back! No one else takes the leader position while I'm gone!"

"Okay, bye!" waves Caboose and Carrie.

"Hehehe fuck you," called Grif.

"Au revoir!" laughs Rowe as she drinks from her flask. I should really do something about that shouldn't I?

"Yeah, see ya later, Winston Churchill!" Sarge joked.

Meia asks Fergo "Shouldn't we go after him?"

"I think he'll be fine," replied Fergo, but I can tell fro mthe her voice that she doesn't actually believe her statement.

"Hey Lockett….." I hear Tucker call. I turn to him and I am greeted with him….and everyone else giving me a very worried look. I'm gonna take a guess on what they are worried about.

"Don't worry," I reassured, "He's not actually going to be in charge." Everyone seemed to breath a sigh a relief. Nailed it!

 **Important Notice: I won't be updating for a while. I enlisted into the army at the beginning of summer and I ship out to Basic Training on the 28th. Now that I think about it I probably should have told you guys a while ago. That being said, this story is going to be put on hold for at the very least, the length of my Basic, which is two months. After that I should be able to update again. The good news is I joined the reserves, not the active duty so I won't go to combat thus delaying my story further. I'll try to get one more chapter out before I go but if I can't, than this will be the last chapter for a while. Don't worry, this story won't end, and even if I do want to stop writing, highly unlikely but I'll make sure to pass off all my story notes and possible future stories to any writers who want to continue it. Thankyou all for reading and I'll see you later. As always, Big brother is watching.**


	39. The Coming Storm

**Author's Note: Man has it been a while since I've touched this story. I know I've been gone a while and, so chances are my writing skills might be a bit rusty. I hope all those who have been waiting are doing well. It's been awhile since I last visited Lockett in the desert, I guess we'll see if I still can write as well as I did to get all of you followers. I don't know my own update schedule, so you may have some fluctuations with how often you see a new chapter. So, let's get on with the show.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't on red vs Blue.**

The Coming Storm

"Whoa, halt, cease! Uhh… abort, don't move! Fuck!" Epsilon cries as he desperately tries….and fails to regain control of his new body. This is actually kind of funny.

Caboose rushes past me crying out "Church, wait!"

Me? I just casually stroll behind everyone as they all rush to follow Caboose. Yeah let's be real, as much as a frontline soldier like me would complain and make fun of those who work in a desk, wasn't all that bad. The whole infantry makes fun of POGs? That is a real stereotype that we do….one that is made stupid when you realize that 90% of the army as a whole is made up of support roles. Needless to say, spending time as a desk officer had made me really lazy.

Epsilon looks at us and cries " Wait? I can't wait. I'm moving on my own! …which I realize doesn't make sense when I say it out loud," Epsilon cries, he suddenly stops moving, he turns to us and happily shouts "Hey, look! I figured out how to stop!"

"Wow, you figured out how to not move!?" Tucker sarcastically claps, "You're a genius."

"Oh, check this out! I can go backwards too," Church chants excitedly, proceeds to scoot back a couple a inches playing milling the noise "Zooop!"

"Okay now you're just bragging," Tucker sighs and rolls his eyes.

"Tucker!" Fergo hisses angrily.

"What?" Tucker cries innocently throwing up his arms in a "backing off" motion.

"It's important to _me_ , asshole," Epsilon retorts.

"I'm impressed," Caboose replies in an attempt to cheer Epsilon up, "I can't go backwards!"

"Yes you can!" Epsilon growls "Don't lie to me!"

Caboose lowers his head defeated and says to Carrie "I tried."

She looks at him sympathetically and says "It's alright, it's the thought that counts."

"Well, he's definitely starting to remember you," Tucker comments.

"I already know Caboose," Epsilon explains, "He and Carrie were the only guys that would talk to me while I was in storage."

"You remember anything else?" I ask curiously

Epsilon ponders for a little before he tells me " I don't know. It's… it's like fuzzy, for some reason. Maybe there's a file or some kind of database I can access from here. Gimme a second."

"That….might not be the best idea," I tell him.

Tucker scoffs "Yeah, rooting around in your brain sounds like a great idea when you can barely figured out how to move on your own."

"Right Lockett?" Tucker asks. He had to bring me into this didn't he?

"It's kind of hard remember something that wasn't even there to begin with," I reply….lazily, yeah that's probably going to come back.

Fergo and Tucker share a confused glance before asking me "What do you mean?"

"Epsilon, if my theory is correct," I explain, "Was placed into the storage facility we found him in quickly after he malfunction while being implanted into Wash."

"So?" Tucker asks, "What does that have anything to do with him not remembering us."

"Guys," I huff in disbelief at their denseness, "This is probably literally the first time he has ever seen us. When we found him, that was the first time he has been out of that facility since he was placed there."

"Oh," they murmur as they come to a realization to what I was implying.

"No wonder he doesn't remember us," Fergo murmurs.

"Which makes Caboose being his only source of first hand count experience with us even more terrifying," breathes Tucker as his eyes widen.

"No!" cries Fergo and swatts him on the head, "Grow up." Tucker gives her a "Really?" look. Lets out a sigh and grumbles "Okay, so his description of us was a little….off—"

"Off?!" Tucker exclaims. "Okay sure, let's call it that."

I jump in before they could escalate "Both of you, shut up."

"Uhh Lockett," Carrie murmurs, I could hear the concern in her voice.

"What's up?" I ask.

"Remember where you found us?" she asks. I nod and she continues "You remember why we were there right?" I slowly nod as I soon came to a realization.

"There's a reason he can't remember anything," I answer.

Carrie nods, "There are certain memories that he really shouldn't access. He's repressed a lot as you can see."'

"Tucker," Caboose asks, "Do you know what a repressed memory is?"

Tucker answers honestly "Yeah, Caboose. I've repressed almost every moment I spent with you. I'm actually repressing this as we speak."

Caboose didn't quite seem to understand what he meant, h e just happily says "Well thank-you, that means a lot to me."

"Still didn't tell him what it meant," I hear Fergo muse. I then glance over to Epsilon who was still digging around in his mind.

"Schematics… what the hell is "schematic…"" I hear him mumble, "Let's see… Man! There are a lot of functions in here. I can't figure out what a tenth of these even do!" he exclaims.

"Is "nap" a function?" Caboose asks curiously, "Cuz that's my favorite—oh! Also, "eat ice cream.""

"We actually have a "nap" function," Carrie happily informs. "Helps us save power when we don't need to be operating. Also helps us extend our service similar to how humans go into cryosleep while traveling through slip space."

"Oh, cool!" Caboose replies cheerfully. I doubt he actually understood what was just told to him. "What about "eat ice cream?"" Yeah that pretty much confirms it.

Carrie sadly shook her head and sadly says, "Sorry, we haven't fight quite figured out that one yet."

"Oh," Caboose murmurs sadly.

"Don't worry Caboose," I pat him on the shoulder reassuringly, "She can eat all the ice cream she wants if she gets a body."

I then saw Caboose and Carrie thinking about what I had said, as if I had sparked an idea into both of them. I glance over at Rowe who is now watching me with her arms crossed giving me a look that read 'Don't encourage him.' ….Oh, no I know who to blame when Caboose inevitably grinds Carrie and humanoid body to inhabit, that would interesting.

"That sounds stupid," Tucker comments rolling his eyes.

Caboose shrugs "Ah, you're right, technically that is a subroutine of just plain "eat.""

"Whatever," I hear Tucker mutter, "Still makes it stupid." Then all of a sudden the temple shook as we heard another massive crash from the door.

"Warrior Tucker, Warrior Fergo!" Meia calls as she comes running up. "We may have a problem."

"What is it?" Fergo asks.

"The temple door is holding for now, but I can already see cracks starting to form," Meia replies, "I am unsure of how much more time we have before the door gives way, but if we keep talking hits like the one we just had…." Meia shook her head, silently finishing her statement.

Tucker lets out a loud groan and angrily shouts "I wish those guys would just GIVE! UP!"

"Lockett what do we do?" Rowe asks me.

"It wouldn't hurt to prepare for when they do inevitably breach through the door," I reply thoughtfully as I took off my pack and took out extra rockets.

"What do you have in mind?" Sarge asks, I could sense the curiosity in his voice.

"Firstly," I turn to Meia and say "Take Rowe with you back to the entrance and keep me updated on their progress. If you have anyway of stalling them and buying us more time, then go on right ahead. The two of them nod and they rush off the the temple entrance. I think back and face Sarge, "Sarge I need to borrow your pistol."

"Why?" Sarge asks, confused and a little put off by the fact I wanted to borrow one of his weapons. I guess thank god I didn't ask for his shotgun.

"I'll explain more later, but for now just give me your pistol and all it's ammo," I tell him.

"Okay?" Sarge replies, slightly unsure as he handed me his pistol and five magazines. I then hand him my rocket launcher.

"What are you doing?" he asks perplexed at my actions.

"I'm going to need you run defensive for me Sarge," I reply. I hold out the launcher to him and point to a button under the trigger guard. "This is the safety switch, before you fire and reload make sure you press this. The handle on the front is the trigger system, you have a total of two rockets before you have to reload." I noticed Sarge looking slightly confused as I explained it to him. "To reload, push the button here," I pointed at the button on the side, "That will release the locking mechanism thus allowing you to remove to spent rocket tube from the launcher. Did you get all that?"

Sarge shot me a confused look before he quickly shook it off and confidently replied "Got it, glad to know you would trust me with your most prized weapon," Sarge chuckles.

"You know now you owe me one right?" I smirk, Sarge grumbles and nods, "I have one extra tube by my bag giving you a total of four rockets, as soon as they come charging through that door," I point to the one that had the most direct route to the entrance, blast them." I walked over to my bag and began a quick functions check on both my smg and the pistol. "If you have any questions, as Rowe. Your main objective is to protect Epsilon, how you choose to excite that I'll leave up to you."

"Alright, but what about the others?" Sarge asks, nodding to the rest to the group still watching Epsilon trying to fish out memories. "Like Grif, and Grif….and also that one guy Grif." Right, I forgot about them for a second.

"I'm getting to that," I reply, I then call over to them "Guys!"

"Wait a second!" Tucker calls back right ask Epsilon said he had found something.

"Okay, here we go. What does this do?" Epsilon asked himself as he pulls up a recording of another monitor unit. The unit was near two very familiar soldiers, one in particular.

"What is this? Some kind of training film?" Tucker asks.

"Yeah, I guess," Epsilon replies though it seemed he was unsure as well.

"Lockett?" Carrie murmurs to me, "Isn't that…."

"Yeah, it is…." I mumble back as I started to feel another headache coming on as I thought about it. "Just don't question it," I tell her, "It'll save me the headache." I notice her silently nod.

"I love movies. Do you have "Kramer vs. Kramer" in there?" Caboose asks, clueless as ever, or at least so he ever seemed.

I glance back at the recording as Epsilon comments "It looks like it's teaching me how to interact with guys like—". He then lets out a hell of surprise as the recording shows the monitor's vision glow red and blasts a *cough* soldier running at him in the chest sending him flying back.

"Holy shit!" Tucker cries out in surprise.

"Cool," murmurs Fergo.

"Wow! I can do that!? I wanna do that, how do I do that!?" Epsilon excitedly cries.

"Oh dear," I mutter, "This should end well."

"Was that a laser?" Tucker asks, shock.

"No Tucker," I reply sarcastically, "It's a dildo launcher. What else would it be?"

"Fuck off dude," Tucker retorts.

"Whatever," I mutter to myself.

"I gotta figure out how to do that!" Epsilon cries. How about no.

"No!" I hear Tucker cry. Thank you Tucker. "No! I told you guys not to touch anything, now you've got some floating crap! Who knows what that thing can do? Don't just go turning stuff on."

"Tucker, we need to talk about what's about to happen," I whisper to him.

"What's that?" Epsilon grunts, "I'ma try like—"

"Don't look at me while you figure it out!" Fergo cries as Epsilon faces her.

"That eye really keeps me out," I hear Tucker murmur.

"Well, maybe if I could just access my long-term memory so I can figure out how these functions work," Epsilon tried mumbled.

"That sounds like it's going to backfire," Fergo comments.

"Lockett," Carrie pleas, "He really shouldn't be doing this. Please you gotta stop him."

"Your constrict is right," Meia adds over the radio. Was she like listening in on this whole thing?! "He is currently tampering with functions in a body he has little control over. That oracle is an important relic to my people. His tampering may end up damaging it along with himself."

"Yeah I'll give it a shot," I mumble. Fuck it, that's another thing on the "Don't Question" list. "Epsilon stop—" I shouted but….

*click*

"Uh oh," we hear Epsilon say.

"What? What happened?" Caboose cried worried that his best friend might have hurt himself.

"Crap," he curses, he then turns to us and explains "Instead of turning on my long-term memory, I think I just shut off my short-term memory."

"That sounds bad," Caboose says calmly.

I would at one point have thought it to be unusual for someone to be this calm to that

bad news. If Rowe's groan and Fergo's slap to the face, and Meia's shriek of terror through the radio are anything to go by, this is pretty bad. Tucker just seemed more interested in what is going to happen next and it looks the like reds share that it of interest. I'm not going to question it. Something tells me I'll end up with even more questions if I do.

"Huh? What's bad?" Epsilon asks, as if he had just forgot what had just happened.

"Your memory getting shut off," Caboose replies.

"Who shut off my memory?" Epsilon asks.

"You did," answers Caboose.

"Why do you want me to shut off my memory?" asked Epsilon in a shocked tone. Oh God please no.

"No, it's already shut off," Caboose explained. Oh wow.

"What is?" Church asks. This….this is really happening.

"Your memory," Caboose replies, keeping the exact same tone. I just….I can't. I just can't.

"Wow," Tucker's eyes roll, "Well, this is a drastic improvement." He then turns and asks me "What do you think Lockett?"

Without even facing him, in a depressed tone I reply "Tucker, my brain just got fried and is currently rebooting." I slightly glance at him and continue "You'll have to decide what to do next."

Tucker let's out a loud groan and turns to Epsilon and says "Hey, you!"

"Me?" Epsilon asks.

Tucker rolls his eyes once again, "Yes! You! Don't touch anything else or try to activate any computer stuff."

There was a moment of silence with Epsilon blankly staring before he turns to Caboose and asks "Are you gonna answer him?" Okay! I'm done! I'm just done.

"Um Lockett?" I hear Carrie call to me.

"Yes?" I ask.

"We might have a problem," she replies and before I could drum up a response, a loud explosion is detonated outside the causing the temple to rumble.

"Oh," I murmur in realization. "Shit!"

"Did you hear that?!" Caboose cries fearfully.

"Lockett!" Rowe shouts through my radio, "We've been breached."

"Aw fuck they breached the temple?!" Tucker shouts in frustration.

"Well shit," I hear Fergo sigh.

Then finally "Why are we yelling?!" Epsilon cries. We all for just a moment stop and stare at the A.I. I'm sure we all shared the same thought "Really?" Hell, even Caboose has that look, that really says something.

"Dammit," I mutter to myself, I then respond "Both of you, stay hidden and make your way back to us."

"Got it," I hear her reply, in the background I could hear men and aliens shouting and the last I hear from them is Rowe yelling "Meia we have to go now!" and then the radio cuts out.

I turn to the guys and tell them, "Guy's, they've breached the temple."

"Aw fuck!" curses Tucker.

"Oh fuck, that sounds bad," a bummed out Epsilon comments, he then asks "Where's the temple?" Seriously?

I just gave this stare with my mouth hanging wide open and I could just feel the life draining from my soul. I swear, I almost cried at the sheer stupidity I was faced with, my lips even start quivering. This, this isn't real.

"Just….just stop talking please," I tell him.

"I'm with Lockett on this," I hear Tucker sputter out, I look over to him and he's pretty much in the exact same state I was in. "Just don't let him talk anymore." If I didn't reach the tipping point earlier, I've sure reached there now.

"Okay," Epsilon replies as if he thought I was talking to him, turns to Caboose and says to him "Stop talking to him." Caboose looked just as confused as us, which definitely says something.

"I'm pretty sure he was talking about you," Caboose tells him.

Epsilon shake his head and replies confidently "No, I think I would know if he was talking to me. I am pretty sure he was talking to you." Caboose turns to me hoping I could proved a moment of respite from what he was forced to confront.

"Caboose, good luck," I breath. Caboose, looking incredibly unsure, glances at Epsilon.

He then nervously murmurs "A-Alright."

"Boy," whistles Carrie, "He sure did a number on himself. Right Lockett?" she asks turning to me for confirmation. Why is it always me?

"Jesus," breathes tucker, his hands now grasping his head, "There's two of them now." Fergo, who has remained silent this whole time, finally says something.

She takes one long look at the two, takes a deep breath and says "Don't have time for this," she thnw about faces and just starts walking away.

Tucker looks over to me and I tell him "She does have the right idea." I uncross my arms and begin to follow her out, I look back at Tucker and say "We have more things to worry about right now, and I'm going to need your help when we deal with our….uninvited guests." Guests, yeah, let's call them that.

 **Author's Note: I'm back! This actually took longer than I had hoped because I somehow ended up rewriting chapter thirty eight without even noticing. Yeah, that set me back a couple of weeks. At least I have it out now, I hope you enjoyed it and I welcome you back to my story. I'll see you later.**


	40. Hunger

**Author's Note: Hello, hope you had a nice week, or at least tolerable. Here we are, the next chapter….let's dive right in shall we?**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.**

Hunger

As I lead the group out from the chamber, enter the room where I found Sarge and

Grif. I guess that's where they went.

"Hey Sarge," I casually greet, "Still griping about how we outnumber you and how you think we're plotting against you?"

"Not "think"," Sarge growls, "I _know_ that's what you're planning."

"We sure are," I snort.

"Lockett, what was that noise earlier?" Grif asks.

"Really?" I ask incredulously, "You need me to confirm it for you?"

Grif rolls his eyes and says "Just answer the question."

"They've breached the temple," I reply just as Epsilon floats into the room.

"What!? Who would do that thing you said to the other thing?" Epsilon comments.

"Guah why is he here?" I grumble.

"What's wrong with him?" Grif asks, slightly amused and slightly worried at the same time. Kind of conflicting I know, but that was the only way to describe the tone of his voice.

I take a quick look at Epsilon, shake my head and reply "That numbnut managed to shut off his memory during his ill-advised attempt at activating his eye laser."

"Laser?" Grif gulped, he also seemed to pale, don't ask me how when he's buried under armor but somehow he managed.

"Told you," I hear Sarge grumble. Must be one of his Red vs Blue numerical advantage bull shit he's always going on about.

"Who has a laser?" Epsilon asks. Seriously man?

"You do!" Caboose exclaims excitedly.

"I do?!" Epsilon exclaims now equally excited.

"Yes," we all reply equally irritated.

"That's awesome, man," Epsilon replies before adding "I feel… great about whatever it is that we're talking about."

I give him a long blank stare before "Yeah I'm done." I snap to Tucker and motion for him to deal with this.

"What?!" Tucker whimpers waving his hands in a shrugging motion, "Why me?" He turns to Fergo for help and she apologetically pats him on the shoulder.

"Not it," she says quickly.

Tucker bows his head and lets out a frustrated sigh "Why me?" he whispers. He turns to Caboose and growls "Caboose, shouldn't you be killing him or something?"

All we could all do is just watch Caboose as his glance shifts from all of us, from Fergo, to Carrie, to me, and back to Tucker. Caboose the uneasily turns to Epsilon who stares at all of us confused at what was about to happen. Caboose then suddenly runs up to Epsilon and wacks him with the butt of his rifle.

"Ow!" cries Epsilon angrily, "Hey cut it out!"

"Tucker did it!" Caboose lies and points and Tucker. Of course he did.

"No he didn't, jackass, you did," Epsilon angrily retorts as if nothing was ever wrong. Huh, he knew who did it.

"Wait, so you remember that?" Fergo asks.

"Why wouldn't I remember that?" Epsilon asks as confused as ever, it was as if the whole minute before never happened.

"You don't remember _why_ you wouldn't remember?" Fergo asks back. She then throws up her arms and says to us "Guess he's fixed now." Well what do you know. Epsilon was brought back with the most cartoonish method possible.

Epsilon just shakes his head and complains "You guys never make any goddamn sense!"

"Yeah and that's our problem," I hear Tucker mutter, yeah, can't disagree too much.

In the distance I could faintly hear C.T. shouting "Over here! Split up. You two, guard the entrance. Don't let them out."

"Lockett!" I hear Rowe cry as she and Meia round the corner, "They're coming, what do we do?"

"How much time to we have?" I ask.

"Maybe a minute," Rowe guesses.

"Time to kick some ass?" Sarge asks expectantly to me. I give him a nod.

"Okay, Grif, Sarge, and Caboose," I call out grabbing their attention, "I want you three to anchor here and protect the…." I glance over to Epsilon for a moment before murmuring "VIP." I turn to Rowe and Meia, "I want you two to fire and maneuver through the corridors around the main room, lay down I base of fire covering our main flanks."

"What about us?" Fergo asks pointing to herself and Tucker.

"I'll let you two decide but I would prefer it if you would roam around the temple with me taking to guys on the edge and do the groups," I reply. "Try and thin out the herd before the reach here." The two nod in agreement, "Alright everyone know where you're going?" I ask and everyone, including Caboose and all excluding Epsilon all nod in understanding. "Let's get to it, times ticking," I tell them. I then see them all run off to their designated spots. I rush over to my pack and start reaching searching for something.

"What do you plan on doing?" Carrie asks me.

"I'm going to sneak around them and take out as many as I can from behind," I reply. I then unclip the right sustainment pouch and pull out a box. From the box I pull out a cylindrical shaped, alien looking device and I place it onto my belt.

"Where did you get one of those?" Carrie asks eyeing the device.

"Long story," I tell her, "Maybe I'll tell it to you somewhere. Tell me about the opposition?"

"I'll hold you to it," she replies playfully. She then adds, "You're facing the usual semi-trained insurrectionists, they won't be too much of a problem for you. The elites with them aren't too much better either, their shielding is deffinately weaker than what you're familiar with." Well that's good news.

"You ready?" I ask softly as my beginning my approach towards the chatter down the corridors.

"Ready as I'll ever be," I hear her murmur.

"Just regulate the power going into the cloak as well as the rest of my systems," I instruct her. "Let me handle the rest."

"What will you do?" she asks, growing a little nervous.

"Don't worry about that," I tell her, "Just worry about my systems as well as anything else that may be life threatening or important and hold on."

"Hold on?" I hear Carrie whisper as I stop behind a corner and quietly listen as two soldiers unknowingly wander into the room.

"Man is it fucking hot here," complains the first soldier, "I really hope the boss just gets whatever he's looking for quick so we can get out of here."

"I hear you man," the second soldier sighs, "I swear, he's getting desperate, why else are we here in the middle of the desert looking for some old aline piece of junk."

"Don't let him hear you say that," the first soldier warns.

"Am I wrong?" the second retorts.

"Doesn't matter if you're right or wrong," the first replies sternly, "The boss is not going to leave without this artifact and he won't take your attitude too kindly."

"Yeah whatever," the second scoffs. He then turns back and laughs "The prick's obsessed with this shit that we don't know what it does or if it even works."

"Maybe he has a thing for aliens," the second soldier chuckles as he unknowingly wanders near the corner I was hiding behind. "Like they turn him on or some—-mmmff!"

I quietly made my way behind him in order to take him out. It was a little tricky to perform this silently since his voice was projected through speakers on his helmet and not his mouth. So I instead wrapped my hand around his throat and began choking him. He immediately began to struggle so before he could cry out I quickly drive my knife into his throat and while he was choking, I quietly drag him off into the corner.

"Heh heh yeah," chuckles the last guys, "That would explain a few things." He paused waiting for a response, but when he realized he wasn't getting one, he glances up and notices his partner was gone.

"Thompson?" he leans over to try and spot him somewhere in the room. "Thompson!" he calls again, no answer. He then unholsters his rifle and racks the bolt back. "Thompson where'd you go man."

I slowly made my way from the corner to the otherside of the room. He may not be able to see me, but that doesn't mean he couldn't hear me. I was careful of where I stept as any noise will easily alert him and potentially not only blow my cover but also bring more people to this location.

He rounded the corner, this time more nervously, he calls "Thompson?"

He then turns to corner from where I last was and saw the body I had stashed there. He lets out a loud gasp and during his surprise I rush him, as he hits the wall I ram my hand into his throat, he lets out a choked cry of pain as he tries to grab at my arm. I pull out my knife and proceed to stab him three time into his stomach. The soldier exhales his last breath before he collapses out of my grip.

"You've got one elite heading down the hallway!" Carrie warns.

I run up to the side of the door and unsheath my machete. As the elite walks through the doorway and passes me, I bring up the machete and hit him with a downward slash, the blade cuts deep into the shoulder almost severing the arm. I then silently creep along the walls as I slowly make my to the end of the hallway. I stop just at the door, I slow my breathing and listen, in the other room I could hear several voices.

"Four of them," Carrie whispers, "Three human, one elite. The elite is posted in the north east corner, two of them are west of the center and the final one is by the back doorway."

I silently nod as I slowly pull out my smg and slowly pull the bolt on it. I then pull out a flash bang from my belt and I pull the pin. I take a deep breath and I slowly count….1….2….3…. I the throw the flash bang into the room to which a boom immediately follows along with a lot of screaming.

I round the corner prefiring my smg, I quickly sweep it from one target to another. Within the first three seconds I had emptied half my mag and the two that were in center were cut to shreds. I then swing the gun to the right and fire upon the elite, he practically danced as the bullets hit him. By that time the last soldier had finally regained his sight. I notice him scramble up and attempt to shoot me. I spray my remaining ten rounds at him, I managed to hit him a few times in the legs and stomach. He grunts and stumbles foreword and I ran over to him and swung the smg into his face. The soldier's head snaps back violently and I could hear the sound of his neck breaking.

"What was that?!" I heard a shout from down the hall. I pull out a claymore and I place it at the door to the room and the I quickly dive for cover.

"Rrrrgh," an elite crowned and I could hear him charging down the hall.

"Follow him," another soldier shouted, "I think he's got something." The elite's footsteps were soon joined by several others.

The elite unknowingly charged through the mines motion sensor. There wasn't even

a body left as it disintegrated in the blast. I took a little peek around the corner to observe the devastation. The blast took out another three behind him, the first two, an elite and a human, the elite had been ripped in half by the blast while the human's body was ripped open by the shrapnel. Behind all of them was another human, he was missing a leg from the knee down and his arm was bleeding profusely as it would seem the man had tried to shield himself from the blast. The man was still alive and he attempted to crawl away with his muffled moaning as he futilely clawed at the sand in front of him. Feeling a little empathy for the downed soldier, I empty the remaining rounds in my smg and put him out of his misery, no one deserves to suffer like that, almost no one anyway.

As I was reloading, I heard a resounding blast ring out from the center of the temple

followed by more rumbling. It was fairly obvious where it was coming from as a hail of gunfire and panicked shouting followed.

"Carrie!" I exclaimed, "I need the quickest way back to Sarge!" Carrie didn't respond immediately so a called out again to see if anything was wrong, "Carrie!"

"Huh?" she mumbled snapping out of her daze, "O-oh, right, just a moment." I could detect a hint of nervousness for a moment in her voice. I then remembers this is the first time she's seen combat and that this was something I was going to have to discuss with her later. "Here, he's the quickest way back to the others, it's a little longer than the way we came but the guys are getting contact from the north, this route will take you to the west flank."

"Alright," I respond while breaking off into a run down the path I was given. "Have Rowe and Meia link up with Sarge on the south and have Tucker and Fergo link up with me on the east."

"Got it," she then radios the others as I draw a little closer.

"Push foreword!" a soldier screamed as a squad of soldiers and elites tried to storm the entrance.

The elites were the first the reach the door, but then the lead elite stood, turns back and cries "Blaargg!" and the rest try to retreat of the way.

"Huh?" the lead human remarks, he turns and looks straight to the door. I can't see what he's looking at, but I have a pretty good idea. The soldier screams fearfully at his men "Incoming!"

And a rocket flies into the party almost immediate after.

The only ones left were two elites and the human squad leader. Before the could regain

their senses I charge in with my magnum drawn. I fire two rounds at the two elites in the back of the room nailing both of them in the head. The human, now fully conscious stands up and I whip him in the face with the butt of my magnum sending him to the ground where I place a round into his head.

As soon as I turn away, an elite that I thought was dead jumps up and grabs my gun arm.

An elite can easily rip my arm off, knowing this, I deliver a kick into the elite's right knee causing him to grunt in pain. The elite still had a hold on my arm, but the kick did stun him enough for me to grab my knife with my left hand and stab him into the shoulder. The elite cries out and lets go my arm and I quickly plant another kick into his chest forcing back a few steps before I bring the magnum and unload two rounds into his chest and one into his head.

I turn and come face to face with a pair of soldiers we made I contact. A second passes

by where the two hesitate and I use this moment to dive for cover. The soldiers then lit up my position successfully suppressing me. I pull out my smg and read the ammo counter on my hud.

"Okay, fully power," I mutter to myself as I read the energy level as well.

The pair continue to fire at my position while I pull out a smoke grenade. I pull safety pin and then flick of the fuse leve, and the threw the grenade around the corner. What followed was a sound that was akin to a metal bottle cap exploding from it's bottle followed by hissing as smoke filled the long hallway. I press the bottun on the side of my helmet and I activate my VISR and peeked around the corner. I brought my smg to bear on the now highlighted soldiers and fired two quick burtsts.

"Lockett!" I hear Tucker cry as he and Fergo come finally reaching the other flank.

"You guys love taking your time don't you?" Carrie comments in disbelief.

I shake whatever thoughts I had and quickly point to an adjacent path yell, "Go that way! Cut them off!"

"You're down to two mags in your magnum and your last in your smg," Carrie warns. Well shit, guess I'll have to make do.

I activate round the corner and at the very end I see more troops amassing. I hurl my last smoke grenade which lands around the center of the room. I then quickly throw after the smoke my last flash bang and a grenade. The flash bang detonates first sending the entire group into disarray while the second explosion tore them apart.

With each of my target now highlighted once by the VISR, I chose to save ammo and pulled out my machete. The group was panicking and spread out making them easy pickings for when I came through. It was then when everything just felt like a blur and I saw myself back in the war, burried deep in that jungle, almost blinded by my own smoke, and surrounded by things that wanted to kill me. I felt something growl from deep inside me and it was like I was in a trance, all I could see was the my next target.

I charged through the smoke cutting apart anything that stood in my way, it didn't matter who or what race they were, all I knew was that they were trying to kill me; and that was all I needed to know. I slash to the left cutting deep into a man's chest, I swipe to my right killing another. A soldier charges at me and tries to bash me in the head with the butt of his rifle. I duck under and cleave his stomach gutting the man. An elite this time, tries to grab at me to which I side step and the thrust the machete into his rib-cage. Another elite tries to swipe at me with his plasma rifle, I weave out of the way, swing myself aroun and sever his head comepletely. As I come about, another solier tries to bring up his weapon and shot me, I quickly swipe at the rifle knocking it to the side and forcing him to stumble slightly thus opening me to perform a two-handed strike nearly cutting him into to. As the smoke clears up, I turn my head to see an elite turning towards me. Time seemed to slow down even further as I kicked the corpse off my machate and then threw it into the head of the elite.

"The doorway!" screams Carrie, "The doorway to your right!"

Without question I snap up my smg and I spray into said direction killing hosing another squad of elites and humans. They all lined themsekves up in a narrow hallway thus making it easier for me to knock them down like bowling pins. As I fired, I started advancing foreward and when my smg ran empty, I pulled out my magnum and bagan empting that too. By the time my shooting spree had ending, I counted eight enenmy comabtants laying dead in the hall way I jsut shot up and that's not countingg the rest of them.

It was that moment I finally snapped out of my daze. I suddenly became very aware of my surroundings as I slowly and fearfully glanced around me and saw all the carnage. I started feeling sweat colecting on my forehead and I could feel my heart pounding harder as the sound sokon drowned out with a white whinning noise.

My breathe deepened as I slowly glanced around at the bloood only to bring up my hands to see that there was just as much blood on me as there is around me. I started to get flashbacks, I started to see images….nightmares of whaI I had lived through so many years ago. It felt as if I had traveled back in time and now I was releving what was debatably the worst thing I have ever epxeirenced. I slowly started to feel nausious, my knees became uneasey, and tears gathered in my eyes as my body threatened to collapse and break down.

*boom*

An explsions rings out throughtout the tunnel bringing me a little bit back to reality, myp resent reality.

"Lockett!" Carrie screams.

I snap and instantly regained control of my body and my senses. I glanced off to the diirection that Carrrie had told me the explosion came from. I then immediatly heard the sound of heavy automatic fire.

"Uh Lockett?" Tucker asks nervously over my radio, "Could you come back nowm we kinda need your help?" Yeah I noticed.

"Aw shit!" I curse, "Tucker, I'm on my way!" I reload my finalky mag into my magnum, sheeth my machtete; still caked in blue and red blood, and then take off, running back to the room I had left my friends.

 **Author's note: That is the end of this chapter. I gotta saym this is the msot action I had ever written before. I hope that it was decent. I hope yoiiu all liked this chapter, if you didn't, I would;nt mind knowing where I could improve. If you did like it….still, tell what I can do to make it even mroe better. See you guys soon. Thanks for reading and as all ways….Big Brother is watching….always.**


	41. Run Through the Desert

**Author's Note: First thing is first, this is just a reminder, you don't have to read the author's notes, those are really there as a way for me to connect with my audience more, but they may contain ideas for future chapters, just keep that in mind. I am glad to know you all seemed to enjoy my exploration into writing action. I could do without random like spaces, but that can be blamed on copy-n-paste and me not double checking it. Don't expect Lockett's fights to be anime choreographed dances, while those are nice and look cool….that's about it. They are all style no substance and in my opinion, kind of a waste of time, but in the world of anime/film/television in general, they have their purpose. Writers makes those fights that way to show off the character's skills, forward the plot, and the draw out the run time. On the first note, I personally have never found showing off as a way to show off your skill in anything.**

 **I personally think, specifically in a fight, the fighter who can take out his opponent quickly and effectively with as least resistance as possible tends to be the better. My time in the army has been very brief, putting it mildly, but it taught me one thing, and that is that whatever you do, it doesn't matter how you do it, or how you get there, all that matters is that it works in the end without issue and that you did it as quick as the time allotted. What he was taught during his training as a ranger can be condensed to simply bringing down the target quickly and finishing him with the least amount of energy spent. Especially if there are two of them or more.**

 **Anyway, that's enough of my rambling, I just wanted to share my thoughts there really quick. Also, should probably expect Lockett to suffer from PTSD, how bad? It will really depends, but it would be foolish not to believe that his time during the Human Covenant War didn't leave a mark. He should start feeling attacks more frequently as the story progresses, the most I've ever had him get to was him exploding with anger. Let me know if you want me to explore into more detail at all.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.**

Run Through the Desert

"Contact!" a soldier cries out as I run into the room.

I quickly raise my magnum and fire a round into his head. My eyes snap to another soldier who notices me.

"Oh shit!" he cries out fearfully as he tries to fire upon me.

I immediately drop to the floor, my magnum barks twice nailing the man in the chest dropping him while the rounds he fires safely pass over me. The last guy just turns and runs and I snap my gun to him and fire another round hitting the back of his head. I then proceed to the next room and turn to see a quartet of aliens and soldiers. The alien in the front was carrying a turret and just pouring round down the path.

"Keep pouring on them!" the lead soldier orders. As I point and aim my magnum at the alien with the turret, I as well they all stop.

"Oh hey, guys. What's up?" greets Epsilon.

"Cease fire!" Tucker screams over the radio as the fire from the tunnel dies down.

"Huh?" the soldier blinks as he and his partner grow more confused.

The confusion only grows as the two aliens then start to act weird in front of them. All I could do is just watch, not because Epsilon was in any danger, though to be fair that was definitely one of the concerns I had; instead I found myself drawn out of pure curiosity of what was about to happen next.

"What are doing Carrie?" I ask.

"Looks like they aliens are praying to Epsilon," she muses, "Weren't the Covenant races known to worship the Forerunner artifacts?"

"Not like this," I mumble as I bafully watch the two aliens grunting their prayers.

"So they think I'm like some kind of god?" Epsilon asks over to radio.

"Pretty much," Carrike replies.

"Wow! Seriously?" Church chatters excitedly, "That's pretty fucking cool." Can't really argue with that.

"Maybe that's why your name is Church!" Caboose gasps.

"Oh, what's up, prayin' dude?" Epsilon laughs…- well, I guess I could call him Church now. Church then hovers over the elite that had the machine gun, he snaps up and stares at church in either fear or awe, I don't know really know which. "How do ya' like me now?" he asks, he then picks up a crate with his mind I assume and slams it into the elite taunting "BIPO!" Well this is a new development.

"W-T-Fuck! Why did you do that!?" Tucker screeches angrily over the radio. That is my question.

"I think that's taking advantage of your deity status, dude!" Tucker scolds.

"You think?" Fergo asks sarcastically.

"Well, what good is being a god if you can't smite some people? Let's have fun…" Church laughs.

"Well to be fair he seems to treat godhood like most Disney protagonists," Fergo comments.

"Quite a bit of a broad generalization but what -does that stereotype even fit?!" I mumble to myself as I walk into the room.

The human soldiers let out a yelp and try to shot me, but I stop them simply by aiming my gun first. I smirk as they place their rifles down and put their hands on their heads.

"Well that was easy," whistles Fergo. I really wish she hadn't said that.

"No don't say that!" Carrie whimpers quietly.

"The shots came from down here!" I hear C.T. shout from down the hall.

"God damnit Fergo!" Tucker cries.

"Oops," Fergo sighs sadly as soldiers and aliens start pouring in.

"Quite the predicament we've found ourselves in?" Carrie muses.

"Freeze! Lower your weapons!" the soldiers scream.

"Can't really argue with that," I sigh sadly as I drop my weapons, all four of them, and then place _my_ hands on top of my head. Now all I could do is look on as the two soldiers that I held at gunpoint earlier now held me at gunpoint. Then they start laughing….ouch.

"Form up men!" C.T. barks as more soldiers flood in from all corridors dragging in the guys too.

"Whoa! Incoming!" Sarge grunts as the soldiers shove the guys into the room.

"Watch it!" Rowe growls.

"Alright I'm moving! I'm moving!" Grif snaps.

"Good luck, guys!" Church cries and quickly flies away.

"Fucking coward," Carrie growls. Can't disagree with that either.

C.T. walks right up to Tucker and Fergo and growls "You… do you have any idea how much trouble you've caused me? I should kill you right here."

"Lockett do something!" Carrie whispers.

"Then do it," I taunt at C.T. pissing him off even more.

"Not that," she whimpers as everyone stares at me with that same horrified look.

"Looks like you're going to be next!" C.T. hisses in his attempt at being intimidating. He's trying way too hard by the way.

"You won't do it!" I taunt again, "You got no balls," I laugh.

"Maybe I should kill _you_ first instead," C.T. growls and the two soldiers nearest to me tighten their aim. "You think you're so noble don't you?" he laughs, "If only you're friends knew exactly just what you are and what you did! You think the people who sent you here to kill me are any different?" He leans a little closer and asks "Who do you think we learned it from?" ….Wow just wow, I couldn't just help but chuckle at this.

This only confused him as he then asks "What's so funny?"

"You have no idea how many times I've heard that," I laugh, "That's not even counting the amount of times I've heard that line said, and not even said to me. I've also heard it in places like a movie of a video game, you have like no originality do you?" C.T. just watches me getting even more confused, I just continue to ramble on "Which makes sense the more I think about, you're as generic of a villain as they come dude, I'm talking cookie-cutter, cardboard cut out, overused anime trope generic. That's pretty bad."

"Lockett what are you doing?!" Carrie cries fearfully.

"Buying time," I whisper back. If this Church is any bit as sadistic as old Church, then he should come running back.

"For what?" Carrie asks. "Time for what?"

I laugh one last thing, "I'm sorry, I must be rambling, were you busy with some-"

"If one more word comes out of your fucking mouth I will blow your fucking head off!" he screams shoving his magnum into my face. Perfect….it's all falling in just perfectly, now I just gotta-

 **[Play track: "Voodoo Child"-** _ **Jimi Hendrix**_ **]**

"Somebody's getting killed?" Church asks cheerfully as he rushes back. "I wanna watch." ….I glanced over at C.T. and his men who have now backed away from me as soon as Church came flying in.

"You activated it…!?" C.T. cries out in shock. The aliens start getting angry while the soldiers look on in confusion.

"Activated what?" Church asks curiously while I let out a cough.

"Secure the relic!" he barks. "Don't let it get away!"

A soldier walks out from behind C.T. amd pulls out a plasma pistol. Well, I can see where this is going. The soldier starts to charge the pistol.

As a shot builds up, Church comments obliviously "Oh, cool pistol! Green's my favorite color."

The soldier's pistol lobbs an emerald green bolt slamming right into Church's eye knocking him out. The eye bulb flickers for while Church spouts gibberish and then crashes into the ground.

"Church!" Caboose cries.

"Saw that coming," I sigh.

"Blrrg!" cries Smith, getting even more visibly upset at what just happened.

C.T. happily compliments the soldier "Great shot, Jones." Just need an opening.

"Thanks!" the soldier replies, "But it's actually pronounced Jo-n-es, sir." Now how about that.

Then all of a sudden Smith slugs Jones in the face and then start repeatedly punching him in the face as he falls to the ground.

"Smith!?" C.T. cries out horrified, "What are you doing!?"

Then the other aliens in the room start to open fire on C.T.'s men mowing down several before they could return fire. This quickly draws the attention of the guards away from me. A fatal mistake as the guards turn away thus delivering me my window. Not what I was planning but it will have to do.

I grab the barrel of the rifle pulling forward and giving it a hard shove back smashing the butt of the rifle into the face of the soldier. I then pull the rifle out of his arms and whack the other soldier in the face as he turns to back to me in surprise. As he falls I turn and shoot the other in the head as he tries to stand back up and fire another burst into the other soldier. I then rush over the guys as their guards ran off in the chaos.

"What's happening!?" Sarge asks me as I hand back his magnum.

"The aliens turned on C.T. for potentially damaging one of their relics," I quickly explain, "It's considered blasphemous to desecrate holy relics in their religion."

"Oh," Sarge murmurs now understanding.

"Isn't that technically all religions?" I hear Carrie mumble to herself.

Before I could come up with a retort, I am rudely interrupted by another explosion and I duck as another dead soldier goes flying over my head. I glance up catching a glance of C.T. falling back.

"Put of my way!" he fearfully cries and he shoves another soldier aside.

"Ah shit!" I curse and I scramble over to the guys. "We gotta move!" I scream as I throw Sarge my pistol and scoop up my rocket launcher.

"Wait!" Caboose cries, "We need to grab Church!"

"C.T. grabbed him!" I yell as I grab the extra rocket tube near my gear, I then grab a handful of smg mags, load one and shout "That's why we need to move it now!" I then run out for the front entrance with everyone following closely behind me.

C.T. turns and glances at us before he orders "Cover until I'm clear!" The two soldiers move in to fire but are immideliatky cut down by Meia. We make it outside just in time to see C.T. throw Church into the passenger seat and then jump into the driver's seat and take off. Tucker then takes off running in another direction.

"Tucker where are you going!" I shout.

"I'm going to get something I'll be right back!" he shouts back.

Having no choice I was forced to trust him, "Meia, Fergo, cover him, make sure he gets there," I order.

"Way ahead of you," Fergo replies as she and Meia take off running after Tucker.

I turn to the three boys ordering them, "You three get into the warthog, you know what to do!"

"But it's flipped!" Grif cries.

"I'll get it!" Caboose cries as he rushed ahead and clips the jeep back onto its wheels.

"Boy is he strong," I hear Sarge comment as they climb in. "Come on chupababy," Sarge cat calls as Grif starts the engine. Magically it still ran and they took off driving.

"What about you two?" Grif asks through the radio.

"We'll keep the technicals off your tail," as I turn and motion for Rowe to follow me.

"Where are we going?" she asks as we ran up the temple.

"We gotta get to higher ground," I reply, "Make sure your laser is ready!" Rowe nods in understanding.

Over the radio I could hear the chatter from two different conversations "Guys you got a tail!" Fergo screams. "Meia get down! You guys got a prowler on the left flank!" she then cries.

"Who are these guys?!" Grif cries.

"They're my fellow warriors," Meia responds, "They've come to help you!"

When I reached the base of the temple, I pull out my smg in preparation for the inevitable confrontation I would have to face. glance back at Rowe locking the bolt of her rifle back. She shoots me a nod telling me she's ready to which I return. I then turn as we make our way to the top, I glance over the edge seeing a small group of soldiers, two were trying to gun down the warthog while another two were readying heavy weapons.

I turn to Rowe and I start counting down with my fingers. I motion….* _three*_...* _two_ * ...Rowe readies her rifle and takes a deep breath …..one. In that instance, time once again seemed to slow as Rowe and I slowly popped out over the edge and then unloaded onto the squad. The soldiers were completely caught by surprise, hell, they didn't even get the chance to react as some of them fell down in the spot still looking out across the horizon. We let loose our weapons and were didn't stop until our mags ran dry and by then, the path way was painted red.

With little time to question the violence, I quickly pulled Rowe to the edge where we got a proper view of the battle. I handed her a pair of binoculars.

"I need you to paint the targets," I instructed, "The button on the side will allow you to track a target and give it an accurate range and velocity."

While she was working on that, I quickly reloaded my launcher going through the process that was drilled into my mind so many years ago. Move my weapon in safe, open the feed tray, remove spent tube, place new tube into the feed tray, and then closed the feed tray slapping it shut.

"Targets marked!" Rowe shouts putting down the binoculars and pulling out her Spartan laser.

"Lockett you think you can help us out?" Sarge asks slightly concerned through the radio. I glance glanced over the edge, the warthog was being tailed by a pair of mongeese. The riders on the backs were hotbed armed with rocket launchers.

Without a second thought I call out "Carrie, I need you to calculate a firing angle on the lead mongoose based off the data from the binoculars!"

"Activating aimbot," she giggles. I aim down the sight of my rocket launchers and flick the safety off. I glanced over to my left and saw Rowe doing the same, laser on her shoulder pressing a few buttons on the side for some last second calibrations. "Fire when ready." I tell her before I turn back.

It takes me a second to align my sights to Carrie's predicted travel path. I take in a deep breath as I track my target, to my left I could hear Carrie charging up a shot.

"Goodbye," I whisper and I fire. I immediately felt a force shoot itself through my bones and I got a face full of smoke as the missile left the chamber.

The missile left the rocket tube at mach 1.7 (2099.16 kmph), it took a second for it to reach its target as it flew through the air leaving behind a long cloud of smoke. It was at that moment Rowe had just finished charging the laser.

"Adieu," I hear Rowe murmur before her weapon fires as well, releasing a mighty blinding red beam that almost seemed to blink into existence as it cut through the sky like at the speed of light like a more focused, concentrated bolt of lightning.

It was quiet for a split second at first with the only sound was the heat syncs on the weapon dumping all the collected thermal energy. Then immediately there was a loud boom as the sound finally caught up as the beam have off it's very own clap of thunder.

The laser hit first disintegrating the second mongoose. My missile landed next striking the lead mongoose in the front axle. The mongoose was engulfed in flames killing the driver instantly. The mongoose was flipped and the rider was launched forward landing in front of the destroyed atv, I'm sure that last thing that the rider ever saw was the sight of the flaming vehicle landing on top of him. The atc proceeded to roll forwards a few times before the fuel tank detonated sending parts flying everywhere. I lower the launcher, satisfied with my kill.

"Sarge you're clear!" I shout into the radio.

"Hear that Caboose?" I hear Sarge cry in the radio, "Fire the cannon!"

Caboose fires but then the warthog stalls and C.T. escapes while the prowler takes off in another direction. In the end the waryhog was left on it's own while both the enemy and the new found alies continue on. You have got to be kidding me. Judging by the groan Rowe let out, she must be more disappointed than I was, go figure.

"He never bothered to at the very least emp the warthog before building his stupid cannon did he?" I sigh.

"You telling him would be the first time he would hear it," Rowe replies defeatedly. Yeah, my friends….right."

Then a mongoose pulls up behind the reds and the rider readies a rockett. I grab at Rowe and motion for her to blast it but then-

"Tucker now!" Fergo screams in the radio. What….

"HEY ASSHOLES!" Tucker screams, his voice echoing out across the desert. I hear an engine rev up loudly and out from over the sand dunes, Tucker comes riding out in a brute chopper screaming like a banshee. "YAAAAAAHHHHAHAHHHAHAHHH!"

The chopper flies up the ramp and through the air, it would have been quite the sight if only he hit his intended target and it would have been at least funny if he hit the warthog….kinda. Instead he did neither and landed in between them and bounced into a cave like entrance at the base of the pyramid they were near.

"Goddammit Tucker," Fergo curses.

"Rowe," I call out without taking my eyes off of the scene. Without a word uttered, I hear some rustling, the laser charge and fire, finished with an explosion in the distance.

I radio Sarge "If you want to still catch C.T., you better go….like now."

"Roger that Lockett," Sarge replies.

 **Author's Note: And that is the end of the chapter. Damn, it took me over three weeks to finish this, I am really getting lazy. Sorry about that guys. Oh, and on the news of future chapters, I have had a few people ask me about the possibility of future romances. As you can see, Tucker and Fergo are confirmed, but from what I understand, some of you want more, particularly with Lockett. Now I'm not about to give away a spoiler for down the road, but who do YOU guys think Lockett is going to end up with. I am actually kind of curious what you guys think. Hell, even tell me who else you would like to see get together, I had a guy from my "Tales of Two Cs" story tell me that he wanted Rowe and Sarge to get together. I didn't think a lot of it at the time, but I did consider exploring that plot line. Let me know, I am dying to know what you guys think. In the meantime, I hope you guys had a good read, please follow, favorite, review, and then re-read….also give it to your friends who you know would like this, I don't know. It might be an option before I finally get back around to working on that prequel story of Lockett that I promised you guys so far back. Other than that, see you guys later and remember, Big Brother is Watching….Always.**


	42. Cutting It Close

**Author's Note: So here we are, at some point, probably when season eight ends, I'll work on my prequel story. There's two parts, one shows the growth of his character into what he became in "Through New Eyes", as well as tie him into the series in my way. The second part is how he ended up in Blood Gulch. I hope that my first prequel would also set up the later seasons. That's my ultimate plan, so later on if you are expecting for "Through New Eyes," here's why I won't be updating.**

 **Oh and yes, Lockett will get his ass kicked by Tex in season eight, you should probably expect that. I mean, if it means anything, he'll last a bit longer than the Reds and Blues and actually land a couple of hits, but thats like punching a tree. While the tree might nudge a little depending on how big the tree, for the most part it's going to stay stationary. I think how I'm going to do it is I'll write how he got court martialed after season eight, then his anthology after season ten. I'm going to have to figure out what I'm going to put into the first one since I've worked more on the anthology. I hope I figure it by then, because if I write the anthology, there would still be this year and a half gap at the very least between the two stories.**

Cutting it Close

"YAAAAAAHHHHAHAHHHAHAHHH!" Tucker screams as his chopper sails through air only to land in a whole in the side of the pyramid.

"Fuck," he curses, which echoes through hole and through the area.

"Goddammit Tucker," Fergo curses.

I let out a small sigh at Tucker's failed attempt. I love these guys, I really do, but man was that lame. I'm not going to lie, it would have been a pretty cool take down, if only Tucker had actually stuck the landing. I watch as C.T. pulls away and turns into a roadway that lead deeper into the ruins. He was shortly followed by the alien craft from earlier.

"Good hunting guys," I mutter. "Rowe," I call out without taking my eyes off of the scene.

Without a word uttered, I hear some rustling behind me, the laser charging and firing, followed almost immediately with an explosion in the distance. I glance over to see her work, all that was left of the mongoose was a flaming tire sitting on top of a circle of scorched black sand. I then look over to Rowe who is now admiring her work wearing one of the biggest smile I've ever seen on her. Rowe looks over to me and shoots me a nod. Yep, she is definitely keeping the laser, I can only imagine the horror if I let someone like Sarge have it. Hell, I bet he would try and mount that onto his warthog too! ….That better not actually happen,

I radio Sarge "If you want to still catch C.T., you better go….like now."

"Roger that Lockett," Sarge replies.

Before they could leave, Tucker manages to pull out from the whole thus fully revealing his ride to the guys. A brute chopper, it's fairly obvious where he got it. For me, it's nothing that special, I personally prefer the ghost and of course the gungoose over either, but I digress. Though this does beg the question.

"Meia," I say into the radio.

"Yes warrior Lockett?" she answers back.

"Why does your group use brute vehicles?" I ask, not taking my eyes off the chopper as Tucker pulls up next to the warthog.

"Oh, um, well," she murmurs sounding unsure how to answer. "They weren't actually provided with vehicles so they had to end up buying their own." I think I see where this is going. Meia continues "They didn't agree on the price for the vehicles they were use to and the jiralhanae whom my….brothers purchased their current crafts from….. Basically they were, as you say "cheap," and the jiralhanae were the only beings who would sell anything within their desired price range."

"How low was their price range?" I ask slightly fearing the answer.

"Lockett," Fergo interjects, "They were buying from _brutes_! Does that not automatically give you a pretty vivid idea?"

Huh, I guess you're going to find cheapos everywhere you go. No matter the planet, no matter the race, they'll be there. Kinda makes me sad that I can anticipate this kind of behavior at this point. Life I guess, really just everyday seems more and more like a book of cliches and less surprising, less unique. Makes me kind of sad.

"Fair point," I sigh.

"Uh, hey guys," Tucker sheepishly waves, "Sorry about that," he apologizes.

"Don't worry we forgive you," Fergo sighs and then quickly mutters after "For like the eighth time."

Right as she finishes that, I hear Meia ask aloud in the background "We do? I'm surprised by your patience for Diplomat Tucker." Fergo shut off her radio shortly after so your guess is as good as mine as to what she did or said.

"Tucker, where did you get that?" Caboose asks in awe of the vehicle in front of him.

"Lockett shouldn't we go?" Rowe asks.

"Give it a second," I tell her, "I kind of want to hear this."

Carrie then appears and agreed with Rowe, "Rowe's right," she comments, "C.T. is getting away."

"The aliens that were on him should slow him down," I reply. "I'll be there in a minute."

"Oh, this is my ride!" Tucker replies excitedly, "The aliens gave it to me as a gift. "Pretty fuckin cool." He turns to where I was standing and asks "Right Lockett?"

"Eh," I reply shrugging, "It's alright I guess, I still think the mongoose is better."

"The human motorcycle?" Tucker laughs incredulously, "Fuck that."

Oh wow!" Fergo laughed victoriously, "You knew you would lose this argument so like usual you go to someone else for help!"

"What? No! That's not true!" Tucker denies fervently.

"Really?" Fergo asks clearly not believing him, "You did this all the time back in Blood Gulch and I am positive you did this with Church before Lockett came into the picture. You're like low key borderline Simmons level of kiss ass at times."

"Really?" Tucker challegened, "How are you any different? You're doing the same thing right now!"

"I'm in what way am I-"

Before Fergo could finish her retort and the argument could progress, Caboose came to the rescue cutting into the middle of their conversation. Thank you Caboose, you are a lifesaver… for my brain, and sometimes my heart with how innocent you can be get at the same time so resourceful.

"Did Fergo get a bike too?" Caboose asks. Also a very good question.

"You bet!" she laughs. "And like I said, it's human made meaning I can 100% trust the reliability of the bike and it's makers. How they got it they never said….now that you mention it, where did they get it?"

So the rookie took something from her leader after all, doesn't change the fact that she and Tucker are practically mirrors of each other at times. Probably why they argue so much, because they're so alike and the reason. Same reason why they in my eyes at least, seem like they are made to be together with the things that make them different from each other. Now how about that. Either that or they're just an ordinary couple and I'm just overthinking this with the cheesiest bull shit I can come up with. Now I'm wondering whether or not I'm a hopeless romantic or not.

"If your _human_ bike is so amazing and reliable, why aren't you currently riding said vehicle?" Tucker asks knowingly.

"Because I had to make sure your ass made it to yours and also because mine is currently….getting, fixed," Fergo cries which quickly turn into murmurs at the end of the sentence. "Shut up! It's your fault it got shot up anyway!"

"No it is not!" Tucker scream.

"Is too!" she screams back.

"Says you!" Tucker growls.

"Exactly, says me!" Fergo laughs. "It got shot up saving your ass when you tried to pull that same stunt earlier and crashed head on into a stone pillar. I had to risk my ass and be a decoy just so you could drive away. That's on you!"

"Wait Tucker," Grif chuckles, "Didn't they give you driving lessons when they gave you the bike?" Grif asks also cutting their argument in half. Thank you as well Grif, you saved us from another argument. I could imagine a duel between a couple was the last thing he wanted to hear right now as well. I could tell in his voice he was also half curious and half "I don't actually care that much," with his question.

Tucker sheepishly shrugs and replies "No, we kinda skipped that part. But it looks awesome, it sounds awesome, and it feels awesome." Tucker childishly smiles "It even comes with spike guns."

I could hear Fergo mutter in the radio "He left with the his right as they were offering to teach him how to drive it."

"Spike guns?" Rowe asks.

"Yeah," Tucker replies, "It shoots these spikes that glow."

"Glow?" Sarge asks curiously, "Do they explode or something?"

"Uh, no," Tucker replies, slightly unsure "They're just really hot."

"You touched them didn't you?" I ask expectantly.

"Yes," Tucker sighs defeatedly.

"Wait hold on!" Rowe suddenly groans, "You had guns on that thing and you've never bothered to use them."

What followed was just a long moment of silence. Rowe then pretty filled in the gaps as Tucker's silence and Fergo's soft chuckles confirmed it.

"Wait no, I think I got it," Rowe laughs, "You ran out of ammo for them within the first couple of days because you thought it looked cool to ride while shooting them, or you just suck at aiming with that bike because you never let the aliens teach you how. Which one is it?"

After another moment of silence, Tucker mumbles defeatedly "Second one."

"Why did they let you have the bike again?" I ask while debating in my mind whether or not the aliens were under the influence at the time.

"I am actually surprised you have have survived on that vehicle for a long as you have," Meia also comments. "They offered to teach you on many occasions, but even without the training, you still control with such recklessness in combat."

Tucker stutters "I don't remem-"

"You left the rooms before they finished and never gave a response," Meia replies, cutting him off mid sentence.

"What's there to learn on this thing?" Tucker cries defensively, "The controls are just as basic as your bike! Vroom vroom mother fucker, vroom vroom!" Yep, that is so Tucker.

"Well at least I didn't fall off or crash mine as _nearly_ many times as you did before I finally got the hang of it," she taunts. Yep, they act like a true couple. I should really stop this.

"Lockett," Carrie pleads.

"Yeeaaahhh, this might take awhile," I murmur checking the time on my. "Guys! We've been here for a whole minute," I call out, "We need to go. Preferably now!"

Right then an explosion goes off near the border of the ruins. It had me a little worried since that was the direction that the prowler and C.T.'s warthog went.

All are heads turn "Oh fuck," I mutter. "Rowe we need to go now."

Rowe and I rush over there and when we reached the edge of the temple, we peered into the trench below below us and saw a flaming wreckage of a vehicle. I glance over to Rowe and saw her giving me an "I told you so," look, I glance over the other side of me and find Carrie's hologram staring at me with the same look.

I let out a small sigh as I turn back to the wreck "Carrie can you confirm the wreck?" I ask, I already suspect who it is but sometimes it's nice to be proven wrong.

"Scanning," she replies, "It's the alien vehicle from earlier."

"Guess I was wrong about them," I comment. I look over to Rowe and say "Chew me out after this, tell the others."

She nods, grabs her radio and shouts "Tucker! Guys! C.T. has gotten past the aliens!"

"We know!" Sarge shouts back, "We're right on his tail!"

"Where's he heading! I'm making my way to the other pyramid," I shout.

"We don't know!" Sarge shouts back, "We just know we're following him!"

"They're on the south side and their heading for the tower!" Fergo quickly cries.

"Tucker cut him off we're going for the tower, Lockett out!"

I watch as Tucker's chopper breaks off and takes the ramp to his right.

"I'm on it!" he replies.

"We can't lose Church!" Caboose reminded.

"We won't!" Tucker reassured.

"You always say that, but we always do!" Caboose argued.

"Just trust me!" was all that Tucker said before he got off his radio.

I turn to Rowe and say "We don't have a choice, we need to move now, let's go."

"Caboose, what are you doing back there?" Sarge cries through the radio, "Shoot 'em!"

"Okay!" Caboose replies.

"No, don't shoot 'em, you'll stall the jeep!" Grif argues.

"Okay!" Caboose replies.

"Caboose, don't respond to Grif!" Sarge cries.

"Okay," Caboose replies again.

"We're almost there I cry!" as we were still running.

"Lockett do you have a shot?!" Sarge shouts right as we reached the top.

"I don't-" I glanced around and then spotted the the two warthogs. "I see you!"

I pull the rocket launcher from off my back and checked the tubes, I had one rocket left, better make it count. I aimed and readied the rocket as Rowe readied the final charge in her laser. The rocket flew the projected path given to me by Carrie, but then C.T. must have spotted it because his warthog immediately drifted to the left right as Rowe fired and her lazor landed harmlessly into the sand and my rocket a few seconds shortly after.

"Fuck!" I shouted, "Guys we missed!"

"Caboose, what are you doing back there?" Sarge cried "Shoot 'em!"

"Okay!" Caboose replies.

"No, don't shoot 'em, you'll stall the jeep!" Grif shouts.

"Okay!" Caboose replies.

"Grif, you drive, don't give Caboose directions!" Sarge orders.

"Okay!" Caboose replies.

"Caboose, don't respond to Grif!" Sarge shouts.

"Okay!" Caboose replies now sounding slightly irritated.

I look down and notice that their window of a clear shot was slowly shrinking, I look around trying to spot Tucker.

"He's getting away, Tucker, where are you?!" I shout.

"Caboose shoot now!" Sarge shouts.

"I got one shot at this," I hear Tucker grunt.

I look down at the ramp and that's where I spotted him as he rode up alongside C.T. I couldn't help but shake my head in disbelief when I came to realize what he was planning. A crazy plan like what I was seeing should in no way work, but right now I'm out of options .

"Whatever you're gonna do you better do it now!" I shout into the radio.

"What is he doing?" Rowe cries. She takes a moment to observe the situation as well, "No, there is no way that that is going to work!" Took the words right out of my mouth.

"Just trust him!" I shout.

"Lockett!" Carrie cries panicky, "My calculations show a less than 10% chance of colli-"

"Thank you for the positive input both of you, but now's not the time and we are out of options!" I shout not taking my eyes off the bike.

Right then Caboose fires the cannon at the warthog who at the last moment drives over a small bump thus successfully evading the round fired. Tucker then activates the boost boots on the chopper and goes flowing forward. At that moment all bets are off and any prayer I had made is now about to be answered.

"Jeep stall," signs Grif as the warthog rolls to a stop.

"Like user error," Sarge retorts as Tucker jumps out of the chopper.

Tucker then bails out of his chopper and lands quite a bit in front of C.T.'s warthog. Tucker then pulls out his sword and waits as the warthog goes facing for him.

"Gotta time this-now!"

Then at the last second Tucker sidesteps and swings the sword swiping the warthog as it passes by him. The warthog rolls to a stop and a few seconds later suddenly explodes behind Tucker who just stands there. Show off. C.T., who managed to somehow survive, gets up and starts running.

"Tucker he's moving!" I shout and I take off without Rowe quickly following.

"Lockett!" Caboose criers worridley, "I can't can't find Church."

"Fuck," I mutter.

I look out to the temple ahead of me and I see Tucker climb to the top and then run across the temple. He stops at the end and looks around.

"Lockett I lost him," he grunts in frustration.

At that moment I saw C.T. pop out from a behind pilar and points his rifle at Tucker's back. God damnit Tucker. What I should have done was shoot him right there as I had a clear shot. Right now I'm having a quick debate on whether or not I should try and take him alive. The Chairman is going to want a lot of questions as to what happened to at this digsite, I would much rather prefer to be out from under his employment. As much as I respect him for what he's done for the UNSC, I can't trust him solely because of his corporate, business man like attitude. His mind is more about numbers and the short term instead of the long terms and consequences which he will without a doubt dump onto the next generation. He may have saved my career but I am not about to lay my loyalties down for him.

*bam*

I instantly snap out of my thoughts and instantly drop down and bring my smg ready, searching all around for the origins of the shout. I look straight over to C.T. and I watch him keel over clutching his side. I then look over to my right and find Rowe with her rifle pointed at where C.T. was standing earlier, barrel still smoking.

"Nice shot," Carrie whistles and I nod in silent agreement.

We then make out our way over to Tucker aiming his rifle at C.T., he then kicks C.T.'s rifle away. I look down at C.T. who was clutching his side and gasping in pain. Rowe also aims her rifle at the downed rebel as well. I nod to both of them, they one what I had wanted and tightened their aim. I then kneel down a little closer.

"I would have gotten away if you hadn't intervened," he grunts angrily.

"Ain't that a shame," I scoff.

"I thought I recognized you," he gasps.

"Who are you?" I ask curiously.

"We never met personally," he replies.

"But surely you didn't forget your encounter with Agent Connecticut," he laughs. "She definitely never forgot about you."

"Why were you here?" I ask. "What's so special about this artifact."

"Wouldn't you like to know," he grunts.

I nod, and then stand up.

"Try to stabilize him," I tell Rowe.

"Why?" she asks incredulously.

I shrug and reply "Figured-"

I was then cut off as Church then rose up from behind Tucker and all eyes were soon drawn onto him.

"Hey, what's up?" he greets as if he had no idea what has been going on for the past twenty minutes.

"What in the hell is that thing?" C.T. gasps.

Church just takes one long look at the fallen soldier. Without a word uttered, his eye starts to glow red. Oh dear.

The last words uttered from C.T. was "Oh, son of a..." before-

"*BWOOOSH*

I quickly averted my eyes from the bright blast. When I looked back, I saw C.T.'s corpse with a whole the size of a cantaloupe in the middle of his chest and where his heart use to be was just a pile of black rocks. The wound was instantly cauterized so at least it didn't really leave a mess.

I glance over to Rowe and she slowly met my face, "Well, that takes care of that," I mutter. Rowe just slowly nods in agreement.

"Nice shot," Carrie murmurs.

" I am not a thing," Church screams angrily, "My name is Leonard Church... and you will fear my LASER FACE!"

A moment of silence falls before "Hoohoo, hell yeah! Dude, you just got fucked up!" cheered Tucker who was clearly impressed by the light show while Fergo clapped excitedly. Can't blame them , thought it was cool too.

By now the rest of the group had caught up and I had the pleasure of seeing their reactions. ….Joy.

"Wow!" gaspes Caboose, "Now that was awesome."

"Yeah, awesome," Grif mumbles rolling his eyes.

Off to the side I saw Meia shaking her head and sighing "Oh dear."

"Church, how did you do that?" Tucker asks.

Church answers with "I don't really know. I just got really mad and it just kind of, y'know, happened."

"Can you do that again, like to the yellow guy or something?" Tucker asks earning a glare from Fergo.

Rowe, with a deadpan face, pulls out her flask, unscrews thr cap and offers it to me. I graciously accept it and take a swigg. I then handed it back to her who also takes a swigg.

"I guess... not really sure," Church murmurs.

"I got a bad feeling about this," Sarge murmurs worriedly.

"For once Sarge, you and I agree," Grif comments.

"Lockett, time," Carrie reminded.

I nod and turn to the guys, "Alright, it's going to be dark soon. We'll worry about the temple tomorrow. Besides," I glanced over behind the group, "It'll give us time to handle them."

"Huh?" Tucker looks up confused, he turns around along with the others and then stopped when they saw the group of aliens that had congregated behind us.

"Uh-oh," Church murmurs.

 _Linebreak_

"It's all in the grind," I tell Rowe as I worked the coffee grinder. "Not too course, not too fine." I then lift the steaming pot from off the portable stove. "And here we go, a good pot of coffee."

Rowe lets out a soft chuckle as she raises her mug and proceed to pour her a mug of the hot beverage. Turns out I did get chewed out for earlier, I know for a fact that if C.T. had has gotten away, more lecture about responsibility, integrity and awareness would have been much worse. Rowe told me I wasn't quite off the hook yet, so I guess I'll have to see what happens later. For now I'll just relax and worry about it later.

"You were the coffee guy back in army weren't you?" she asks.

"I was a lot of things back in the army," I reply playfully, "Coffee maker is just one of them, cream and sugar?" She nods and I pass her the box of creamer and bag of sugar.

It was night and we had just gotten through an incredibly draining day. I decided that it would better if I gave the guys a night to recover. Tucker wanted to clean up our mess first thing in the morning, so that left us time to scrounge up whatever food we could find and we gathered up in the old campsite by the elephant. The portable stove we brought wasn't big enough for what we needed, so instead we had to build a fire. Caboose was the most excited, his eyes lit up like it was Christmas at the thought of going camping. As I passed around the coffee I couldn't help but smile when I realized how much of a family we've all become.

"Where did you get this kind of creamer?" Grif asks as he mixes it into his mug.

"Figured you guys didn't want the army crap, so I went and bought something to try and remind you of home," I reply honestly. "Heaven knows how anyone can get through the army without a decent cup of coffee, especially my line of work."

"I here that," Sarge sighs as he stirs in a spoonful of creamer into his mug. "I need a cup for almost every time Grif is in the same room. God I hate Grif."

"Feeling is mutual Sarge," Grif grumbles.

I glance over to Caboose who was by the fire stirring the pot.

"Hey Caboose," I call over, "How's it coming?"

Caboose stops stirring for a moment, picks up a spoon and reaches in and tastes the soup he's made.

He takes a moment to access the flavor before he turns to me and replies "It's done."

With that, Caboose picks up a ladle and I get up with my canteen cup and hand it to him. Caboose takes the cup and pours in the soup.

"I'm still surprised that you let Caboose cook," Grif comments.

"Well I figured you guys were tired of army food," Caboose replies, "I asked Lockett about and he said that if I find anything then I could try."

"Don't worry," Tucker laughs as he holds out his cup for Caboose, "We were surprised too. Turns out he's actually a pretty good cook."

"Oh jeez, guys I'm not that good," Caboose sheepishly replies, "I only attended a cooking school before I signed up to study in France."

"Which is how he ended up here," I chuckle. "Don't sell yourself yourself short man, you can practically make a decent meal out of a bottle of salt."

"Looks like we weren't the only ones fucked over huh Sarge," Grif grins.

"Only when you're around Grif," Sarge grumbled as he puts butter onto his piece of bread.

"Meia why are you here?" Fergo asks curiously, "Don't your people prepare their own food."

Without taking her eyes off her cup, she takes a deep breath and replies slightly on edge, "Let's not talk about that please."

"That bad huh?" Fergo comments understanding what she meant. Meia nods, shuddering at the memories.

"That reminds me," I hear Fergo murmur, she turns to Sarge and Grif and asks "Who does the cooking for you team?"

"Simmons," Grif snorts.

"I help where I can but yeah," Rowe adds in, "For the most part Simmons."

"And how's that working out for you?" Caboose asks curiously.

"It's Simmons," Grif deadpans, "What do you think."

"What the hell does Simmon's know about cooking anyway? He's Irish" I ask incredulously as I light a cigarette.

"No, no!" Grif cries, "He is _Dutch-Irish_!" causing laughter to erupt from all of us.

"Well," Fergo muses, "Figured if he's more on his Irish side, I can probably imagine your meals having a large consistency of potatoes." Grif then lets out a loud groan.

"Are you saying you would take Sarge's MREs over Simmons Irish obsession with potatoes?" Tucker asks eyebrow raised.

"Fuuucckkk no!" Grif cries, "At Least his cooking is edible."

"Grif!" Sarge growls, "MREs were what we were eating on the way here. The look on your face when we had then says you enjoyed them more than you let on. A lot more!"

"They even weren't yours Sarge!" Grif cries, "Lockett was the one who brought them!"

I let out a light chuckle as pulled out my sleeping back from my ruck, "Well you ladies have your marriage counselling session, I'm gonna turn in."

As I was getting up to leave, Tucker stops he.

"Hey what are doing for tomorrow?" Tucker asks.

"We're going to have to clean up after ourselves I suppose," I mused, "Rowe, Grif, you're in charge of the bodies, Caboose, Sarge, you come with me and help me gather up the bodies. The rest of you, figure out a way to deal with the local population and close that temple, sound good?"

Everyone gave their acknowledgments and with that I sat down by a crate. As Caboose put out the fire, the camp was once again consumed into darkness. As I layed back, I took off my helmet and cushioned my head on the sleeping back. I gazed up into the sky and as far as the eye could see, there is was, the galaxy. I knew that someone where out there among the millions of lights in the sky, there was a dot. A small pale blue dot suspended on a sunbeam. For many, that pale blue dot would seem insignificant, but for me and others like me, that pale blue dot meant something much more.

It has been a long time since I've seen home yet I can still remember it like I had just left yesterday. Well, most of it anyway, one day I will finally return, but I can't help but feel dread at that idea at some point. If I return home, will I be able to recognize it? I can't help but feel more alien at the thought of returning to Earth and to feel more at home out here on a distant planet with people and aliens alike. All these thoughts soon vanished as my mind slowly drifted into sleep, at one last glance I looked over to the others, I have come closer to these people more than anyone else in my life, well almost. They are my family now as other were before, one I left, the other was taken from me, and another was split up and sent away. This time, I plan to keep this one.

 **Author's Note: I have finally finished this chapter. I tried to get this out a lot sooner, but then I found out the original script for the desert scenes in the show accumulated to only about one thousand words. Trying to find a way to add more a practically empty chapter was definitely a challenge for me, don't know why. I'll try to decide on whether I'm gonna start straight on season eight or more on my other projects. If you have anything you want to say, likes, gripes, concerns, etc. either shot me a review or PM me, or both. I'll see you guys when I post my next chapter. Thank you all for reading.**


	43. Down Time

**Author's Note: No I didn't die, I just decided to take a break from writing for a bit. I was planning out the future plotlines for possible character arcs I thought I might try. Nothing to grand as the moment, but I do have some ideas, maybe even a new story all together. I don't know yet, anyway, on with the show.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.**

Down Time

*sigh*

I just spent all morning cleaning up the mess I had made in the temple yesterday, I wasn't thinking much of it at the time, but now….it's taking a little of a tole on me. I don't like killing, but I can't seem to stop doing it, kind of ironic isn't it. I was literally searching for anything to take my mind off yesterday and I decided to go check on Grif. As I walked, Ifound myself hearing something I havn't heard in a long time. It came off loud and proud.

" _Around her head, she wore a yellow ribbon._

 _She wore it in the spring time in the early month of May._

 _And if you asked her why the hell she wore it?_

 _She wore it for that soldier who was far, far away._

 _Far away!_

 _Far away!_

 _She wore it for that soldier who was far, far away, hey!"_

The voice made it all the way past the first verse of the old cadence before I realized it was I who was singing the whole time. I also realized it, and I didn't care either. As I sang that old cadence, I couldn't help but feel an old sense of pride buried deep within me rise up again, and a sense of content as old memories were uncovered. Whatever, the cadence made me happy, who am I to judge how one finds joy, let alone myself.

I then stopped singing and then glanced around "Hmm, something seems strange," I mutter to myself as I stroll across the desert to Grif.

I casually make my way to the pillars where I had left Grif.

"Hey Grif," I called out, looking around for the orange soldier.

I made my way up the sand hill and I saw him standing there on top of the hill looking around frustrated.

"There you are man," I called out, "I've been looking everywhere for him?"

He glances at me and sighs "Oh hey Lockett."

I stop right next to him and glance around at the large pile of bodies in front of him and then glance back at Grif who is still frustrated.

"What's up?" I ask curiously. I glance around at the piles of bodies. "Still trying to sham out of your duties as usual I see."

I catch Grif just rolling his eyes and I ask "Okay seriously though, what's up?"

"Sarge left me in charge of burying the bodies," Grif grumbled.

"Yeah I know," I reply knowingly, "I was there when he told you to do it."

Grif nods "Yeah, and he said he wanted it done in an hour." He then throws his arms at the pile and cried "How am I gonna bury all this in just an hour.

I shrug and then pick up a couple of E-tools on the ground, I turn and hand him one, "Might as well get started."

Grif looks at the e-tool, then at me and shakes his head as he grabs it, grumbling something under his breath.

"Chin up Dexter," I laugh while playfully pulling his face up, "The quicker we do this the sooner we'll finish." Grif rolled his eyes but nodded and joined my side with the other e-tool.

"Hey, what were you singing earlier?" he suddenly asks as we made our way to the pile.

"Just and old army cadence I use to sing back when I was a ranger," I shrugged.

"Must have man some real significant value to you," he chuckles.

I raise my eyebrow slightly at him and comment "Well yeah, it was my favorite cadence, why?"

Grif just playfully shrugs and replies "I don't know, it just seems like it meant something more by how passionately you were signing it. So that begs the question, who's the girl with the yellow ribbon."

I stop and I stare at him confused, "Why so grabby?"

"You serious?" Grif laughs incredulously, "Whether or not, anyone wants to admit it, we're practically a family now. A completely fucked up family, but a family nonetheless."

"Your *grunt* point?" I grunt as I drive my e-tool into the sand.

"My point, *huff* is, that I barely know anything about you," Grif replies as he too starts digging. "Normally I wouldn't care, but seeing as how I'm not going to be going him in the near future, I wouldn't mind knowing more about the people I'm stuck with."

I pause for a moment to ponder what he'd said, "Okay, I suppose that makes sense." I then go back to digging.

"So who is she?" Grif asks. "The girl with the yellow ribbon."

"She was just someone I knew back during the war," I replied simply. "She didn't actually wear a yellow ribbon," I chuckle playfully.

Grif deadpans, "Okay well, yeah, obviously." A few more seconds a silence passe by as we dug before Grif once asks jokingly "Was she cute?"

"You have no idea," I reply softly, and I paused for a moment to remember a memory from my past.

Grif with a wide grin says "Guess you have something to look foreward to when we finally get home."

I stared at him for a moment as my smile slowly fades and is instead replaced by a sad frown as I lowered my gaze slightly.

Grif's smile soon fades too and he asks with concern "You're gonna go and see her again right?"

"I don't know to tell you the truth," I reply softly, "It's been ten years since I last saw her."

"Ten years is a long time," Grif nods glumly as he patted my shoulder sympathetically. "You going to try to find her when we finally get out of here?" Grif out of no where asks.

"You even think she's still alive?" I ask incredulously.

Grif shrugs "Wouldn't hurt to try, plus if she is dead, maybe it might provide some closure for you. I don't know. It wasn't Tex was it?"

I felt my neck snap as I turned to him, "No!" I gasped, "No it wasn't Tex, she was married!"

"So?" Grif snorts, "That doesn't seem to stop most people."

"Ha, ha," I laugh sarcastically, "While an interesting what if, it's still a no. That wasn't the kind of relationship I had with her."

"Was worth a shot," Grif shrugs.

"Since when did you become so insightful?" I ask, "Where's the lazy shit bag that I know?"

Grif snorts, "When you're forced to be around Rowe and Simmons all day and night, you tend to pick up habits from them. Simmon's with his over analyzing everything and Rowe with her fucking maternal complex that she's got going on. Besides, it's not like I'm wrong! Who else would you rather have told you this?"

"Like….anyone?"

Grif deadpans, "Okay one: fuck you, two: there's only a handful of other guys here who could properly give you this talk." Grif raises his right hand, "Sarge and Tucker, are too mean." Grif then raises his left hand, "Rowe and Caboose, are too nice, and I'm not counting Carrie, Fergo and Meia, they got their own issues. Either way," Grif hands come together in a clap and turn into a shrug "These guys aren't going to give you the proper message you need. The person you need is someone who is completely unbiased." His hands curl up and point back at himself, "I am lazy enough and careless enough that my opinion of you is non-existent meaning anything I say would actually hold weight and would be the undiluted truth. Get me?"

I took a long moment to process what I was just told. What shocked me wasn't how much what he said had made sense, but the fact the words came from his mouth. I always suspected Grif was much smarted then what he always let on, but I found shocked me.

"It's funny," Grif scoffs as he takes a moment and pauses from digging. I glance over to him and saw him in a retrospective gaze. "I wasn't nearly as lazy as I am until after I was in the army." He looks over to me and with a bittersweet smile he continues "I use to be a lot more hardworking to say the least." Grif then goes back to digging with one final gripe, "Ironic how the place that was supposed to teach me better work ethics made me lose the ethics I had instead."

"What were you before you joined the army and ended up here?" I ask curiously. There must be a reason for his way of thought.

"I was studying at law Harvard," he replied.

"No shit," I comment in surprise. Did not see that coming.

"Top of my class actually," he laughs proudly.

"That explains so much," I smirk. "What type of lawyer were you going to be?"

Grif nods knowingly, "Emplyoment and labor," he then sighs regrettably, "I got my certification just the day before I was drafted into the military, could have taken an officer position but chose not to thinking that I would have to deal with less bullshit. Boy was I wrong."

"Yeah," I sigh regretfully, "You put yourself in that hole." Grif then grumbles something under his breath as he dug.

"How long have we been digging?" Grif asks.

I stop to check my clock, "Just hit 30 minutes." I saw Grif grumble some more.

"And we havn't even made a dent," Grif groans, "Wht are we digging in the sand anyway, all of it is just going to cave back into the whole any way."

Well shit, I glance around me and soon come to a realization. He was right, all this hard work was pointless. God dammit.

"Grif," he turns to me, "Let's take a break man." Grif nods and drops his e-tool.

I pull out my pack of cigarettes and offer one to him, he stares at it for a moment. I could see him debate with himself before he quickly caved and accepted the offer. I gave him a light and watched him take a long draft before quickly exhaling while I lit my own.

He notices me watching, "What?" he asks.

"Do you have a "yellow ribbon" girl?" I ask back.

"You mean someone who's waiting for me back home, or…." he began.

"Yeah," I quickly reply.

"No," he shakes his head, "My last girlfriend was this cute little broad back at Harvard."

"She was the dick-girl wasn't she?" I ask, slightly amused and slightly embarrassed for him.

I hear Grif take a deep sigh as he replies, "It's a shame too, she was actually a pretty nice person. Never suspected she was transgendered until I was about to have sex with her…."

"Ohhhh no," I wince, I know what's coming.

"Took off her dress and came face first with a dick," Grif finishes, seems like he still doesn't quite believe it happened.

"Just like _The Crying Game_ ," I reply, feeling equally awkward. Grif just nods in agreement.

Then all of a sudden we hear the sound of ALOT of sand moving. He both simultaneously look over and watch as the wind all of a sudden picks up. Surprised we actually got a clear of a view as we did because we basically watched the desert swallow the pile of dead bodies.

Grif glances down at his cigarette and asks me "You didn't spike these did you?" I just incredulously stare at him trying to process the absurdity of what he just asked.

"Hey guys what's up?" a voice behind us calls out. We both turn and look to see Tucker walking up to us.

"Oh hey Tucker," Grif greets.

"What're you doing?" he asks curiously.

"I was helping Grif bury all the bodies from the battle," I reply.

"That's a lota graves," Tucker muses, "Lotta holes to fill." Please don't, "Bow chicka bow wow." God dammit Tucker. "You guys look upset, what's the problem?"

"Well, now we can't find 'em," Grif groans, "Because while we were digging a mass grave, the bodies were piled up over here, by these stone pillars, and then the wind came and blew sand all over the damn things."

Tucker shrugs " So I guess they're already buried. Good job guys."

Grif slowly nods and comments "I like the way you think."

I let out a soft sigh "Fuck it," and I fold up the e-tool.

"Grif, what the hell are you doing up here?" Sarge angrily cries now approaching us, "I thought I told you to bury those…" Sarge pauses as he gazes out across the empty desert, "bodies. What?" Sarge scratches his head.

"Jobs all done," I grunt.

"Heh, they buried the shit out of them, look," Tucker chuckles.

"Did you two help him?" he asks.

I just stare at him while Tucker scoffs "Help him? Dude, we've been fighting for like eight years, haven't you learned anything about me yet? I'm a lover, not a digger." Now my gaze is directed at Tucker who is still using the same lame ass excuse after all these years.

Sarge shrugs "Well, does someone wanna say a few words?"

"Words?" we all ask confused.

"Yes, these men were soldiers. Even if they were enemy soldiers, they still deserve a eulogy."

I soon notice everyone's eyes were on me. Oh hell no. No God! No God, please no! No! No! NOOOOOO….

"No," I firmly state, "I am not going to give a eulogy to the soldiers I helped kill only a day ago."

Sarge's gaze then turns to Tucker who on reflex protests " Well don't look at me, I'm a lover not a…."

*clonk*

"Uhh," Tucker grunts cutting his line off completely.

"For the love of god don't finish that line," Fergo groans.

I slowly glance at her then around her to see Rowe standing behind her with Carrie over her shoulder.

"Where did you come from?" I murmur to myself.

"Temple's clear," Rowe announces.

"Please don't make another sex with dead people joke," Fergo sighs slightly disgusted.

"Don't worry," Grif replies, "I've hit my quota."

I then notice someone was missing, "Where's Caboose?" I ask.

Rowe froze, she then replies with a worried voice "I thought he was you."

I was starting to feel a cloud of dread forming only to be broken up by Carrie's snickering.

"He's with Church," she replies putting some relief into my heart. Wait a second, no! That makes me more worried!

"Okay," I slowly reply, "And where's Church."

"He said he needed a few minutes," Carrie replies.

What is she hiding? My question was soon answered as the three glance over to their right and up from behind a big rock flies the silver bowling ball.

"So, then was one guy, said some things to another guy, and the people liked it. And that's pretty much that," Church rambled. Behind him was a train of aliens and at the very end of the line, Caboose.

"Seriously?" I murmur to myself in disbelief.

"So there's mister cult leader," Sarge jokes. I glance over to him with begging eyes that basically read 'Please don't.'

"It's not his fault, those aliens just worship this ancient technology. And the people who made it. Huh what's a brother gonna do?" Tucker explains.

"Who in Sam Hell worships technology?" Sarge asks. The Covenant technically did with how they treated their artifacts, not that I'm gonna tell him that.

"Are they from the internet?" Grif asks curiously. Damn, quite the blow there.

We watched as the group followed Church up the hill to in front of us. Every step of the way I could, among the barks of the elites, was Caboose, trying his best to pretend like he was understanding Church's mindless rabbles that he calls preaching.

"Yes, this is just very interesting. I understand everything that is being said. Good," Caboose rambles mindlessly.

"Caboose what are you doing?" I ask, cringing at the display.

"Blending in with the crowd," Caboose replies casually.

"Why?" Tucker asks, "You look retarded, like more retarded than usual!" Tucker then stops and glances wearily at Fergo, who just sighs and lowers her head.

"It's not fair! Hya- I worshiped Church, way before it was cool to worship him," Caboose jealously cries.

"Hey, I already told you, that's still not cool. That will never, be cool. Ever," Grif sternly retorts.

Church then just casually floats up next to Caboose and lazily boasts "Oh hey there guys. How's life among all the non-deities? Pretty lame, I bet! Pretty sure none of you've been worshiped all day long today. Weak!"

"Dya think you guys might be milkin' this just a bit?" Sarge asks me.

"Oh no, Church was always this douche," I reply cheerfully, "I am kind of interested in this whole charade falling apart and just watching him having to deal with heard of angry aliens."

"Shouldn't you of all people be stopping this?!" Carrie cries. Her gaze is then joined by probably the three most moral members of the group. Which for some reason are all female now that you mention it.

"Okay one:" I start holing out one finger, "You really think Church wouldn't move on to the next group he will exploit after this one? Two: it's not my problem what he does, he's going to have to deal with the consequences on his own." I then hold up a third finger, "Finally three: do you want to tell the big group of deadly aliens they're mistaken and he's not who they think he is?" The three glance over to the said group, Fergo pretty much sums up their thoughts in one line.

"Hmm, I guess I see your point," she quietly mused.

Sarge then suddenly turns to Church and sarcastically requests "Hey, your circular holiness! How 'bout delivering the eulogy? We're buryin' most of these guys 'cause of you anyway."

No! I already know it's going to be a long day and it's not even 10 yet. That is the last thing I want to hear right now. I would really prefer not being brain dead before noon.

"No-" I am quickly cut off thus cutting my cries short.

"Me? I only lasted one guy," Church reminded. Thank you, at least you have some sense in you.

"Which was awesome," Caboose gushes.

"I know right," Church whispers. It kinda was.

" So cool," Caboose nodded, "The laser came out of your face."

"Have you been able to figure out how you did that yet?" Tucker asks with a slightly concerned tone in his voice. An uncontrolled high powered laser blast that can take out tank could spell disaster for us all.

"No, I think it's just because I got really mad," he replies, sounding unsure. An ability controlled by emotion, that's always good and totally reliable. "Hey, say something to make me angry. See if it happens again."

Immediately, Tucker: "You're ugly and nobody likes you."

Grif: "You're annoying and your team sucks."

Me: "You're egotistical and completely incompetent."

Caboose: "You're round and you can't wear pants."

Church, slightly impressed comments "You guys came up with all that really quickly."

"Eh, it pays to be prepared," Tucker shrugs.

"You're fat and stupid," Meia suddenly shouts, like really late.

"I get it," Church replies now irritated.

Tucker shrugs and asks "Did it work? Are you pissed?"

Church shakes his head and replies "No, I think I'm actually kinda depressed now. Caboose is right. I can't wear pants."

"Well I only said it because everyone is thinking it," Caboose stated defensively. Well, we're thinking of it now after you mentioned it. What an odd image.

"Maybe mad makes a red laser, and depressed will make a blue laser," Tucker reasoned.

"Why would that make any sense?" Fergo asks sternly, Tucker just shrugs.

Caboose blanched and commented "Well I hope we don't find out what makes a brown laser." How do I even respond to that?

"You idiots shut up," Sarge barks cutting everyone off before more comments could be made. Thank you Sarge. "Hey Globey, you makin' a speech or ain't ya?" Wait what?

Church nods excitedly "Hey sure no problem. I did a sermon just the other day that the aliens loved."

"Sermon?" Fergo cries out, "You just read them the setup guide to our Inkjet printer."

"Did he really?" I ask Meia.

Instead of verbally answering me, Meia's turns a shade of purple and he looks away with an embarrassed look. So that's what she looks like when she blushes.

"How is it possible that ever since Caboose revived you, you can't remember anything except how to be a jackass?" Grif growls.

"Somethings just never change," Rowe shrugs.

We all move into one large group and we silently awaited with bated breath, for Church's idea of paying respect for the dead. Second thought, I don;t want to be here for this.

"Attention true believers," Church glances passively over to us, "And... other people. We are here today to pay our final, and our first, respects, to the dearly departed," he preached, "But first, I'd like you all to join me in a song, in honor of me. Hm. I am the best."

"Skip it," we pretty much all unanimously said, well, all excluding Caboose and the elites.

Church let's out a groan and says "Fine. Okay, uh, in the beginning, there was darkness. And uh, and out from the darkness came a voice. And it said..." Church's speech slowly stops as he turns towards something out in the distance. He shakes his head and then attempts to continue "And it said... Uh... Uh-out- out from the darkness came... Out from the darkness.."

"Is his playback skipping?" Grif asks Carrie.

"Scanning," she murmurs, she then shakes her head.

"Maybe he needs a reboot. Good thing I wore my boots. I'll reboot him right in the keister. Hheh heh," Sarge chuckles. Nice one Sarge.

"No….but I am picking up significant activity coming from his core."

"What's that mean?" Sarge asks.

"Out from the darkness came uh, someone," Church's attention was now fully on whatever he was seeing, " I'll be right back." He then floats off to somewhere near the temple.

"I think he might be hallucinating," she murmurs, "At least something similar."

"A.I.s can hallucinate?" Tucker asks, surprised. Carrie just shrugs equally perplexed.

As soon as he left, an uproar among the elites soon broke out. Yeah, they weren't too happy at the rip-off of a eulogy their "prophet" just gave.

Tucker was the first to notice this and immediately he barks out "Uh oh, the natives are getting restless. Caboose, you and Meia get up there and stall 'em, Fergo and I'll go figure out what's going on."

Tucker turns to me, visually inviting me along and I nodded. With that, the three of us take off in the direction Church went. We practically ran across the entire complex before we finally caught up with the spherical baster. Man does he move fast. We saw Church had come a stop at a bit of a distance from the smaller temple. When we found him, Church was shouting at something off in the distance.

"Church!" Tucker calls out, "Hey Church, what're you doing out here man?"

Church finally noticed us as we ran up to him, "Hu-whu?" he mumbles.

"The aliens don't like it when you leave them alone. And I don't like it when the aliens don't like stuff," Tucker complained.

"Don't like it when he doesn't like stuff because then he makes it worse for the rest of us," Fergo complained as well.

"Hey," Tucker cried, somewhat offended.

Fergo just rolls her eyes and tells him "Don't deny it."

"Did you see him?" Church asks, turning back to the temple.

"Saw who?" I asked.

"The person, from the darkness," Church replies turning back to us, he then shakes his head muttering "The- no, th- that's not right, that's not right. Well did you see?"

"Church," I reassured him, "We have no idea what you're talking about."

"Think he's having another flashback?" Fergo asks.

"Don't know," I reply.

"What's he talkin' about?" Sarge asks finally catching up to us.

" I think he's having another memory flash," informed Tucker.

"A what?" Sarge asks.

"Random memories that keep coming back to him. He's been getting 'em more and more lately and I don't think he has any control over 'em," Tucker replies, "He gets all emo too, it's annoying. Like having a chick around, but without all the fun parts of having a chick around. Like bonin'!"

Fergo quietly snorts and playfully jabs Tucker in the side and chuckles "Last I recalled, you did the majority of the emo work in our relationship."

"Fuck you!" Tucker shouts jokingly, "Where's the fun in letting you hog all the emotions."

"Tucker," I sigh, "I don't want to hear about the inner workings of your personal relationship. I'd much rather that part remain a mystery. Can we get back on topic now?"

"Right," Tucker stiffens, turning back to Church. "His memories."

"You should take out his memory unit and blow on it. That'll fix it," Sarge offered.

Rowe groans and face palms, "Oh mon dieu, Sarge, he's not a Nintendo Entertainemnt System, if anything, taking out his memory card and blowing on it would probably damage it further."

Sarge just waves her off saying "Oh that's just nonsense."

Caboose and Meia were the last to finally join us and Caboose quickly noticed what was going on and asks Rowe "Is he having more memories?"

"Looks like it," she replies.

"Did he remember me this time?" he asks.

"Not anymore than he already knew," she replies.

"What exactly did you see?" Carrie suddenly asks.

Church turns away attempted to recall his vision, " I saw a canyon, and uh, a waterfall. And there was some kinda dark figure there."

Caboose then asks "Was the dark figure me?"

Tucker groans and snaps "Caboose, we will let you know if you come up, I promise. A waterfall, huh? That's the second time you've talked about that."

"Yeah, but where could that be?" Church pondered. At that moment, out the corner of my eye, I saw Sarge's head pop up.

"Valljhalla," I reply quickly.

"Where?" Tucker and Church ask.

"Our new bases," Grif replies. "It sounds like he's talking about our new bases." I watched silently as I saw Sarge whisper something to Rowe and Grif and then walk off behind them. I'll have to check on that later.

"Oh yeah!" Caboose shouts excitedly as he suddenly recalls his previous duty station.

Tucker snaps to Caboose, Carrie, and I and cries out in frustration "Why didn't either the three of you mention this the first time?"

One by one we gave our answer starting with me, I replied sheepishly "We were busy, it just didn't come across my mind."

Carrie replies awkwardly "I don't think I was there for that conversation."

Caboose stutters "Uh, I didn't remember?"

"You didn't remember a waterfall?" Tuker cries, "Dude, that's like not remembering your first girlfriend turned out to have a dick." Tucker glances over to Grif and says "Right Grif?"

"What?" I hear Carrie whisper.

All around I could hear the various reactions from everyone. The main ones being Rowe's chocked down laugh, Meia dropping her weapon, and Fergo coughing. Grif looks at me with a deadpan look, probably trying to ask me for help.

"Don't look at me," I told him, "I told you not to tell him."

 **Author's Note: I know you guys probably want me to write more original stuff instead of ripping from the original script. I'm not against adding in something original, but you have to understand why I'm nervous about that. What I don't want is to end up posting a bad plot line and writing myself into a corner with something original, that's what I don't want, also wouldn't hurt if I actually had an idea on what I could do, but sadly I seem to have writer's block in that field right now. So here's what I'll do, season 8 will proceed as usual, whenever I get the chance, I'll try adding in some more original story.**

 **Season nine is going to be something completely different, so this will be practice for that and my prequel story. What I should do is either get a couple of beta readers, that's probably a must before I go all experimental in the 9th season, then maybe set up a forum or something for you guys to idea dump onto me just because I want to see what you guys would like to see/think is going to happen. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, thank you for reading, and welcome back. See you later, and I promise the next chapter won't take nearly as long as it has been taking for the last several chapters.**


	44. Just Like Old Times

**Author's Note: Before we start, there's something I gotta address. Okay, I know there's pretty much only one guy doing but this will be a memo for you guys in the future. If you are going to leave a review, please actually write something constructive. I don't go and check my email notifications to find a one worded review, why would you? It's not funny, it's really not, kind of actually makes me feel stupid actually. You see, when you do that, I don't benefit in any way, hell, I don't even know if you had either negative or positive thoughts. I'm not saying you have to write a whole paragraph to express your thoughts, but god damn one word?! When all you have to say is "Cool," not only are you wasting your own time, but you are also wasting mine as well. Time which could be spent doing literally anything else. So let's set some ground rules.**

 **Don't waste my time. This one is the big one, it'll take a precedent in the other rules. Point is, don't waste mine, I won't try and waste yours.**

 **If you don't actually have anything constructive or at the very least interesting to comment/review on, don't even bother posting it in the first place. See rule 1 for reference.**

 **I don't care if it's negative, just actually write something constructive, if you can't even bother to manage that your review won't make it past the moderation.**

 **All reviews have to pass through a filter, so please think hard about what you have to say before you post it.**

 **Damn, all that for one person, bet he feels special. Sorry, I shouldn't have to lay it out for you guys like this because I assume I could treat you all like adults. As I said, it's pretty much been only one person who is doing it, but this is for future reference so that more people won't do it, so go and blame that one person for having to draw this out for you Barney style. Your normal reviewers, you got nothing to worry about, just beware your reviews will take longer before they get posted since now I have to moderate all of them. Ending the tangent now, thank you for your time.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own red vs Blue.**

* * *

Just Like Old Times

So there I am, stuck in the middle of the desert, watching as those under my command argue about something unbelievably stupid.

"It's a waterfall, it's literally impossible to forget! Like girlfriend dick!" Tucker screamed.

Caboose just sheepishly shrugs as Tucker just grows more frustrated. It was getting to the point where even Fergo was starting to get irritated. Ever get to the moment in your life when you question the choices you made that led to where you are now? Yeah, I've been getting those a lot lately, and with that I'll take my leave.

"I'm gonna go for a smoke," I murmur to Fergo, "You guys handle….whatever this is."

Fergo nods and I go my way. Some good five minutes later, about half way through my current cigarette, I suddenly got this funny feeling. It was almost as if I was forgetting something, something important. I started growing a little worried as the last time I had this feeling was back at Zanzibar where I had my personal encounter with the Meta. The same place where I had lost Delta and had nearly killed by the crazed, rogue freelancer. Out of suspicion, I walked over to where the vehicles were parked, I slowly rounded the corner and was shocked at what I had found. So shocked that I didn't even notice the cigarette slip out from between my fingers.

Tucker comes up from behind me and asks me "Hey Lockett, have you seen any of the Reds?"

I glance over to him, and then back at the parking area in the empty spot where their warthog used to be.

"I think I have an idea," I tell him.

"What do you mean?" he asks.

I just slowly point at the empty spot and Tucker follows my finger and he too drops his arms in shock.

"Hey Tucker?" Fergo calls out nervously.

Tucker turns to face her while my eyes remain fixed on the scene, "Yeah what's up?" he asks.

"Have you seen Church?" she asks.

Tucker shakes his head and replies " No, I'm looking for the red guys. Looks like the fixed one of the jeeps and took off."

It then hit me, "Oh shit."

"Oh, well that's not good," Caboose, who was also there nervously comments.

"He probably went with the Reds," I sighed.

"Oh, I wouldn't say that. I don't think that would happen," Caboose said wearily.

"Why?" I asked not looking back.

"Yeah," Tucker snaps, "How the fuck would you….."

I then feel Tucker grab me and I turn around and face Caboose, to his right is of course is Fergo and Meia, but to his left….

"Wort, wort, wort!" I swear my eyes grew to the size of dinner plates.

"Cause if he was gone, I think some people who were looking for him might be really mad that he's not here and we might have to explain to those people why he's not here and those people might not like our explanation and those people might hurt us with plasma guns and plasma grenades," Caboose nervously explains.

Tucker pretty much sums up the words in my mind "Oh…. Right…."

Fergo subtle nods her head to the aliens and says "He meant the aliens….in case you weren't clear on that."

I nod while Tucker replies "Yeah, we got that."

We glance over to Meia who bows her head and sighs "I tried, I really tried."

Tucker turns back to me and whispers "Lockett can't you…." *jerks his head at the aliens*

"Wait, can I what?" I ask him, a little confused at what he was trying to get at.

"You know…." he whispers, and then lightly punches his hand.

I let out a soft grown, "Now?" Tucker nods. "No."

"Why not?" he asks. "You took out C.T. and his guys. That was a bunch of people! I'm sure you can take out a couple of aliens!"

"What the temple?" I ask incredulously, Tucker nodded. "Tucker, I killed 14 soldiers, that's not even enough to make a platoon, the majority of which were human."

"What? There were way more than 14 bodies back there!" Tucker cries.

"I think you're forgetting the guys the rest of you killed," I replied.

"Oh," Tucker murmurs sheepishly.

I let out a sigh and say "While I love your optimism and your confidence in me, but you're literally asking me to take on at least thirty aliens in the wide open. At least in the temple I could take advantage of the cramped corridors and choke points, but here…." I point at to the desert, "I'd be a sitting duck."

"So what do we do then?" he asks.

"You got me man," I reply honestly, "I'm out of pretty much everything that could have given me the edge: grenades, flash bangs, claymores, rockets….hell, even ammo."

"Couldn't we fish that off of the dead bodies and equipment?" Tucker asks.

"Without them noticing?" I ask while glancing over to the aliens who were conversing among themselves.

Tucker glances over as well and comments "They seem to notice at the moment."

"You really want to test that?" I ask.

"We could try distracting them," he whispers. "Any idea how?"

I took at him in disbelief, "Tucker," I groan, "You're the expert in this kind of shit, my knowledge on them is on how they fight and how to take them out. Safe to say my diplomacy skills need a little work, with or without the language barrier."

"Jesus, why did Church have top run off?!" cried Tucker.

"We can't worry about it now man," I tell him while looking back at the group, "We got bigger problems to deal with."

"Yeah, because of him!" Tucker cries, can't disagree with him.

I then noticed our group had gotten restless as Fergo came over to us dragging along Caboose. I look behind them and saw Meia and Carrie still trying to keep the aliens busy. That's when Carrie looks over to me and mouths 'Help me!' I quickly nod and motion her to give me a little more time.

"You guys mind filling us in on what you're planning?" she asks impatiently.

"Killing them is out of the question," I reply, "There's too many of them and I don't have any ammo."

Tucker adds "So either we keep the aliens distracted until we can scavenge more off the dead bodies or you and I can try and take them on."

She glances back at the aliens and asks "You think Meia would forgive us if we did kill all of them?"

"I really doubt it," Tucker mutters.

"Wait…." I murmur, "Fergo you still good with comm equipment?" I ask.

"Yeah, why?" she asks.

I look over to the elephant and asks "Think you could get it working?"

Fergo looks over and replies, "Maybe." She turns back to me and continues "I'd have to go up and take a closer look."

"Alright, that just leaves…." we look at the aliens, "Them."

Tucker looks over to Caboose ad says "Why don't we let Caboose do it."

"W-No!" I shake my head, "Why would I-"

"Lieutenant Rocket!" Caboose shouts confidently, "I would like to go and distract the friendly aliens."

"No!" I cry, "Caboose, I know you want to help but no, I'm not about to let you attempt to keep the aliens' attention. Lord knows what's going to happen if you piss them off."

"It would help wouldn't it?" he asks innocently. I don't think he actually knows the risks and is just doing it to make me proud or something.

"Do you even know how you're going to keep them so interested?" I asked, can't believe I'm even considering this.

"I think he should do it," Tucker comments. "Would be something interesting to watch at least."

"Tucker!" Fergo cries instantly making back down, she turns to me and cries "Why are you even considering this?!"

"Good question," I mutter.

"Carrie?" Caboose asks, "Here, she pops up as if on cue and brings up a diagram for Caboose."

"Really?" I ask in a deadpan stare, "You're going to read them random shit?"

"No, I'm going to read them random technologic-whatzit-eletrical-wiriy-things," Caboose replies.

I let out a sigh and face palm while Carrie counters "Remember, these were the guys who were enthralled by the user's guide for the printer. I figure basic router configs would keep them interested for longer."

I let out another sigh and through my face palm, despite all my judgment, "How long can you keep them busy."

"How does "Death by Powerpoint" sound?" she asks cheekily.

"Alright," I nod, "Meia!" I call out, she turns and I point to Caboose and Carrie and shout "Make sure those two don't die!" I then point to Fergo and Tucker, "You two, come with me."

"What are you going to do?" Meia shouts after me.

"Going to try and get the antenna back up!" I shout as the three of us ran for the elephant.

* * *

So the elephant, it was pretty banged up from the battle earlier, pretty much most of the crane functions were offline, hell, the thing barely even ran. Though surprisingly, the computer systems remained relatively undamaged save for a damaged screen.

"How's the dish look?" Tucker calls out.

Fergo groans as she climbs back down, "Well, I got good news and bad news. Most of the computer systems are still functioning and the dish seems like it's still intact, that's the good news. The bad news is that what is broken are the parts that allow the antenna to do its job in the first place, I'm talking modems, the up converters, and….hell, even the feed horn is broken."

"How long?" I ask.

"On an ordinary day with two other qualified personnel?" she asks, "I could get this repaired and deployed in 180 minutes tops. The problem is, I only got you two…." she looks over to Tucker and I, "You are the best I got, so that means I'm going to have to walk you guys through how to help me."

"Well shit," Tucker curses.

"Come on Tucker," I grab his arm, "It can't be that bad."

I hear Tucker mutter something under his breath before he joins me.

* * *

About a good hour or so later, Tucker and I finally moved past basically learning the basics on operating a communications terminal. As of great relief to Fergo, Carrie soon joined us and walked Tucker and I through the technical manuals.

"How' everything looking?" Fergo calls out to us just as the antenna finished deploying.

"Everything's green!" I shout.

"It's all green here too!" Tucker shouts too.

"Alright," she murmurs, "We should be acquiring a satellite soon, hope it works."

"Carrie how's the weather looking?" I ask, remembering why the radios weren't working earlier.

"Nothing for today's forecast," she replies humorlessly, "Today's looking to be bright and sunny, very dry, and no wind. We're looking at high 90s to 100 degrees, better put on that sunblock and stay hydrated."

"Heh, no shit," I hear tucker grumble.

"Oh no!" Caboose cried. I glanced over and watched him scramble up a giant rock as the aliens mobbed around him. "Stay back!" I could see Meia running around behind the group trying desperately to get the crowd to disperse.

I radio Caboose and ask "Caboose, is everything alright?"

"Yeah!" he Caboose cries, trying to hold back the worry in his voice, "It's all under control! Stay back! (off in the distance) _Wort wort wort!"_

"Caboose, what's going on with the aliens?" I ask.

"Everything's fine!" he replies, I could hear a few bolts of plasma fly by, "Oh jeez! Hey, stop that! It's going well! _Blarg! Blarg, blarg!_ "

"Child hold on!" Meia cries from off in the distance, "I'll try and get you down!"

"It's all going good! I gotta go!" Caboose cries before abruptly hanging up.

"Fergo!" I call out, "You need to hurry, I don't think Caboose can hold out much longer!"

"Don't tell me how to do my job, this isn't something you can actually rush!" she argues back. She does have a point.

"Don't worry, Caboose will be fine," Tucker scoffed.

I let out a loud groan, I get onto my radio and say "Meia, make sure Caboose gets water, he's going to need it. We might be here for a while."

"Lockett, we're up!" Fergo announces from her console. She then hands me the phone and begins to radio Sarge.

"Hello, who is this?" asks a voice with a familiar southern accent.

"Sarge," I reply, "It's Lockett."

"Lockett?" Saege sounds off in surprise, "How'd you get this number?"

"Uh," I was kind of confused because, "You gave it to me remember?"

"Oh….well what do ya want?" he growls.

"Just, where are you right now?" I ask.

"On the way back from our base why?" he asks.

"Is Church there with you?" I ask.

"Yeeeahh," he says with and unsure tone.

I let out a sigh and ask "What did you do?"

"Okay, WE didn't do anything," Sarge retorts defensively, "The dumb ass light bulb just up and followed us."

"What's his current state now?" I ask.

"The little bulb shut off," Sarge replies.

"Shut off?" I ask, "What do you mean?"

"Like he went out," Sarge replies, "He shut off. It happened right after he fired a laser at Washington."

"Wait," I cry, did I hear that right, "Wash was there?"

"Yeah," Sarge growls angrily, "The damn traitor's teamed up with the Meta."

"Wait who?" Tucker asks behind me, I hold up my hand signing "one moment."

"Lockett," Sarge starts, "Wash is…."

"I know," I finish, "He's coming after Church."

"What do we do?" Sarge asks, "Not that I don't doubt my skills, I don't quite think I can handle Wash and the Meta at the same time."

"The feelings mutual," I mutter.

"What was that?" Sarge asks.

"Get Church back here as quick as you can," I reply.

"Roger that, we'll be there in an hour," he replies, "Sarge out."

I ponder for a moment what Wash's appearance could entail, I then dial a number "The Chairman's Office," a male's voice answers, "This is Sgt. Packer."

I reported in "This is Lt. Johnathan Lockett. Romeo 0-1, reporting in."

"This is Major Knight, we got you Lieutenant," I could hear a new voice come on him and a few people in the background hammering away in the background, "What is the current status of Hotel-Bravo?"

"Sir, the Insurrection group has been suppressed but they wiped out the team here save all but three," I reply.

"Alright," the Knight replies, "What is their current status of the survivors and the artifact?"

"Sgt. Tucker and Spc. Fergo are green, as well as most of the elite population sir, and the artifact…." I glance over to Tucker and I reply unruly, "The...the artifact's whereabouts are currently unknown. We lost sight of it after the ensuing battle sir."

"Alright," the Major sighs, "Lt., I want you to contact me immediately as soon as you are able to reacquire it, for now police up what you can and report back to base. Also, beware Lieutenant, another agent is heading to your area. He's on a separate mission so I'm letting you know now in case you run into him."

"Yes sir," I reply zooming in the last sentence, "Who is the agent?"

"It's Agent Washington," he replies, "He's expected to arrive tomorrow morning."

"Yes sir, Lockett out," I let out a sigh and then hang up the phone. I look behind me and see Tucker, Fergo, and Carrie looking at me expectantly.

"We got trouble," I tell them, "Fergo, shut this all down, Tucker, come with me." I then proceed to walk out and motion for them to follow.

"Wait," Tucker cries rushing after me, "What is the trouble. What's going on?"

"Someone's heading our way and I know exactly what he's looking for," I reply.

"Who Washington?" Tucker asks getting more confused, "Who is he?"

"Someone from my last mission," I reply, "He was sent to prison while the rest of us were placed in our new base."

"Okay?" Tucker mumbles, "What's that got to do with us though?"

"I'm guessing he's after Church since he probably made a deal with the Chairman in exchange for his freedom," I reply.

"Oh shit," Tucker mutters, "Why is he coming here?"

"Because Caboose told him he was here," I groan. "Carrie told me a while ago, it wouldn't be hard to assume Wash thinks we have Church."

"But we don't," Tucker replies, "The Reds do."

"Which is why we gotta prepare for when they get here," I explain. "Washington's already met up with the Meta, so clearly all bets are off the table and I'm guessing he's not really going to care who he kills to get what he wants right now."

"Well what do we do then?!" Tucker cries as we make our way to the vehicles.

"Right now? Nothing," I respond, "We can't do anything until the Reds get back with Church. After that we need to get to the Chairman before Wash can find us."

"Wait," Tucker growls, "Why should I help you if you're just going to give Church back to our boss? Like, what the fuck man?"

I reply sharply, "It's much better than letting Wash get his hands on Church. Wash won't care what state he "recovers Church in," he's only going to care if Church is intact enough to have his files extracted."

"What would you do then?" Tucker asks.

"At least if we bring him in, we have an easier ground for negotiating our part," I reply.

"That's the best idea you got?" Tucker cries.

"You have a better idea?" I ask.

"Better than just turning Church over!" he cries.

"Just wait for the Reds to get back," I bark, "We'll figure out what we'll do until then."

"Fine," Tucker sighs, "But what if Wash get here before them?"

I pale for a second as I consider the possibility of that worst case scenario, "Let's keep that as a worse case scenario."

"You could just say you don't know what to do," Tucker reasoned.

I let out a sigh, he's right, I don't know what to do, but I'll have to tell it to him straight, "You're right, I don't. I don't have a lot of options to really help us either. Truth is, I think either way we're going to lose Church."

"That bad huh?" he chuckles. His laughter surprised me for second. "Dude fuck it. So what if one ass hole and his bodyguard wants to take our friend from us? Never stopped us before."

"I don't know what to do man, I'm sorry," I reply apologetically.

"Sorry? I think that's a first from you," he chuckles as he takes a seat next to me.

"Funny," I mutter.

Tucker then stops for a moment, "Out gunned and out of our minds and we are expected to stop a rogue government agent from getting our shit. Nothing's really changed huh?"

I smile slightly, "No. Guess not."

"So why don't we do what we're used to, grab Church and the Reds and lead that jack ass on a wild goose chase?" he grins.

"You saying we run?" I ask incredulously.

Tucker shrugs, "Who knows, knowing our luck we'll probably run into some old Freelancer hive full of tech that would help all of us."

"You're that optimistic?" I ask not believing what I'm hearing.

"Dude, it's us," Tucker laughs, "We manage to accomplish the impossible off of nothing. I'm saying just trust us, we'll figure it out as we go because clearly planning it out doesn't do shit for either of us."

"And what about command?" I ask, "They'll want a report from us."

"And we'll find one," he replies curtly, "We just need some extra time to drum up a good one."

I ponder for a moment, I could feel my lungs fill and deflate as I considered my current position. Finally, I came to a conclusion and I stood up to join Tucker.

"You're right," I sigh, "Fuck it. If they get on my ass later, it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission."

"Exactly," Tucker nods. "We just gotta wait until the Reds get here."

"Sounds like a plan," I chuckle.

"You'll find I'm full of them bro," Tucker replies cheerfully.

* * *

 **Author's Note: No I am not running out of ideas, I just keep running into periods of writer's block when I go through a chapter, not everything I drum up in one day makes it into the chapter, so maybe I actually came up with something better than the final product and I would never know. Anyway, thank you for reading. I'm currently working on other projects at the moment, so you'll see fewer updates on this story, just a heads up. If you have any other issues, then you need to bring them up through the proper channels, I can't expect to fix every problem with my story but I can at least try to fix the ones I can. Character issues like my character being a "Mary Sure" are vague enough that you could mean anything. To those who feel this way, I understand your complaints, and I'm working on it. I'll do what I can to try and alleviate some of these issues.**


	45. Filler

**Author's Note: Right, here we go. By the way, still experimenting around with the line breakers, just a heads up in case you're confused as to why I keep changing the design.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.**

* * *

Filler

"Are they here yet?!" Caboose cries from atop the rock.

"Almost!" I shout back, "How're holding up?"

"Go away, bad aliens! Shoo aliens shoo! Rolled up newspaper!" Caboose angrily scolds.

"Caboose?" I turn my head back. "Nevermind." I whimper as I saw that nothing has really progressed.

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you lost their all-powerful Deity," Tucker cried.

"I didn't lose him!" Caboose screams back, "He left with the Reds!"

"Well, until the Reds come back, they need somebody to blame. Better you than me man," Tucker shouts. "OW!" he then suddenly cries as Fergo swatted at him.

"Can't you guys help me?" he asks.

"Hyeah, dude, I don't know. I don't really wanna get in between an angry mob and their religious iconography. And I should know, I used to date an Italian girl," Tucker comments.

"How long did that relationship last?" Fergo asks curiously.

"A month," he answers.

"Tucker, I think they're going to eat me," Caboose whimpers.

"Child you'll be fine, you have me word," Meia shouts. "Here take this!" and she threw a packet at Caboose.

"But, this is a brochure for Fry's Electronics!" Caboose cries, "How will this help?!"

"Just read it!" Meia cries.

"How much longer Lockett?!" Caboose cries. I knew it was bad, because he said my name and not my nickname.

I quickly checked my watch, "10 minutes!" I shout, "Just try and hold on!"

"I'll try!" he shouts back. He then proceeds to read the brochure aloud and the aliens learned it closer listening to the prices and deals on power chords.

"Hey Lockett, isn't that them right there?" Fergo asks, I looked to where she was pointing and sure enough, there was the Red's warthog….in a significantly worse condition than when we last saw it.

"They're early," I mumble to myself as I stood there patiently as Sarge slowly pulled into the parkway. After a good couple of hours, the Reds had finally returned.

To confirm this, when the warthog came to a stop, Sarge popped his head out from the seat and bellowed "Hey Blues, we're back. Got Simmons too."

"You're early," I comment.

Sarge then climbs out of the jeep and walks up to me while Grif and Simmons drove the Warthog to the elephant, all of them looked a little worse for the wear, "Yeah, us Red's are always early, where's the water can? Oh also you got any more spare jeeps around here? I don't wanna get into it, but we've identified a tactical weakness in the hood of the current models."

Sarge then looks around and asks "Oh uh, what're you guys doing? Killin' Caboose? That's cool."

"Where's Church?" I ask.

"Uh, he's….around…." Sarge replies, nervously.

"Can I see him?" I ask.

"Why?" he asks.

"Sarge," I reply sternly, "We literally just talked about this on the phone, are we really going to play this game?"

"Okay, okay," Sarge laughed, "Just wanted to mess with you one last time Blue."

"Oh Sarge, I'm going to need to ask you for a favor," I turn to him.

"What is that?" he asks.

"Just….play along," I reply/

"Huh?" he scratched his head.

"Caboose let's go!" I shout.

"Look, the Reds, they're back. And they have your worshippy guy," Caboose shouted pointing at them.

"No, don't say that," I whimper.

"Get him!" Caboose growls angrily.

"Rawr? Rawrrr," the aliens growled and turned to Sarge.

"Ruh-roh," Sarge's eyes widen.

"Sarge, just run," I tell him, "I'll find you!"

"We're by the elephant," Sarge whispers before, "See aliens, no we didn't take your great prophet. Here, let me take you to my men and show you that we are innocent."

The elites chatted among themselves and then followed Sarge out. I felt the aliens brush past me as they followed Red leader. Without a single word spoken, I about-faced, pointed straight at Caboose, then at Meia, and then turned around and snapped my fingers pointing at the direction  
Sarge and the Elites had gone. As I followed the crowd, I could hear Sarge doing his best to calm the group.

"Blarg?" the lead alien asks.

It was when he started shouting extra loudly "Nope. They're right around this corner up here. Grif and Simmons, right up here, where we're walking."

It was then I noticed that something was strange, couldn't quite put my finger on it though.

"And you'll see when we get around this corner up here, we don't have any kind of floating device. No balls or spheres or anything," Sarge continues. Oh I get it, those three better figure out what to do with Church.

"You'll see, big group of aliens. We don't have anything like that at all," Sarge continues, right engaging 'throwing battle buddy under the bus' protocol….it's been awhile since I've last used that.

Then, out in the distance, the sound receptor's in my helmet picked up some rather strange noises.

"Whah? Where am I?" a voice asks, is that Church?

"Sshhh, dude shut up. Be quiet," okay, that's Grif.

Church moans "No, what-"

Grif quickly hisses "Shut your hole."

"What's happening, how did I get here?" Church asks.

"Grif," another voice hisses, it's a female voice so it's probably Rowe, "They're coming, do something!"

"What?" he asks.

"Anything! You're a sergeant!" she hisses. Oh yeah, there was that other thing, they gave Grif his rank back.

Grif counters with "Yeah, and we both know damn well that the army made a dumb ass decision!"

"Grif, they're almost here!" Simmons cries in a panicky voice.

I heard some grumbling before a loud "Oh fuck it."

"What?" Rowe asks, "No, no, no. Not that."

"Don't do it you fuck-"

*clunk*

I watched as Church flew off to somewhere in the distance while yelling "-eeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrr!"

"Oh shit," I hear Fergo whisper. The Blue team looks to me and I just let out a sigh and slowly walk around the corner.

"What're you doing?" I hear Simmons cry.

"Shut up man, be cool," Grif hisses.

"Be cool?" Simmons asks, confused by the term.

"Oh dear lord," Rowe groans, just as we all, that includes Sarge and the aliens, round the corner and I find the three standing in front of the warthog with little depression in the sand where I assume Church used to be before Grif punted him.

"Whoa! I mean, what's the four-one-one, daddy-o's? Me and my homies were just, hangin' all up in here. Deserts-ville. 'S'all good. You know what I'm sayin', scrillas?" Simmons greeted…. I think he created anyway, man, I kind of feel offended.

It almost seemed like Simmons' idea of being cool is to be a stereotype of some guy on the street. Okay, Rowe is face palming, that means what I'm feeling is correct.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Grif growls angrily.

Simmons counters "You told me to be cool."

"Right," Grif nod but then repeats "So what the fuck are you doing?"

"He told you to be cool! Not blatantly racist!" Rowe hisses.

"As you can see," Sarge presented, "We don't have your stupid rolley baloney. It's just this yellow guy, violet girl, and- M.C. Fonzerella over here."

"Whatevs, y'all. You don't know me," Simmons laughs.

"Okay Simmons," Rowe nods with a smile that betrayed her pained tone, "Please stop."

Just then, Tucker finally rounds the corner saying "Nahaha, gotcha! See, I knew they would have it." Dude, how far were you behind me?

Caboose, who arrived at the same time I did asks "Uh, I don't see him- oh my God he's invisible."

Honestly, Tucker was doing something, because he managed to come 30 seconds after the group. When the Tucker turned around, Sarge threw me a sign and they split. I quickly grabbed  
Caboose and we left as well. I don't' know about Fergo and Tucker though, they didn't' really get the cue.

"Come one Caboose," I grunt, "Gogogogogogo."

"What about Ambassador Tucker and Fergo?" Meia asks, behind us.

"On any other occasion I would go back for them but right now isn't really the time we have more pressing matters to attend to!" I hiss back.

 _Linebreak_

"Uh oh," we hear Grif whimper and then stopped right in front of a couple of warning lights and signs.

" What is i….oh," I mumble as I come to a stop as well, "Oh dear."

"Why are you all stoping ah nuts," Sarge comes to a stop quickly followed by Caboose, Rowe, Meia, and finally Simmons.

"Oh no, he landed in the middle of the-" Caboose, surprisingly was the first to pick up on this detail, remembered that Simmons didn't know about the minefield, he glances over to Simmons and continues, "...-uh-of of the there. The, the over there," he warned in a vain attempt to ward Simmons away without giving away exactly what was in the field.

"What do we do now?" Meia asks.

"I'm open for ideas," Rowe replies.

"Why don't we just go get him?" Simmons asks, everyone just turns and stares at him. "What?"

"Simmons," I shook my head, "No."

"Why not?" he asks, still confused and not picking up the context clues, "He's right there."

"And I'm telling you, no we shouldn't," I repeated.

"I don't get it," Simmons shook his head, "Why can't we?"

Fed up, Grif sighs, "Yeah, tell you what Simmons, why don't you go get him?"

Sarge hastily agreed "We'll secure the area here while you retrieve."

Simmons glances over to me one last time and I respond with an 'I told you so' look, "Don't look at me I warned you."

"Hh, okay I don't have time for this," grunted Simmons before he runs off blindly into the field.

*boom* "Ow!" Simmons screams, he then angrily growls at us "You knew, didn't you?"

"Yeah, kinda," Caboose replies apologetically.

"I wonder what gave it away," snorted Grif.

 _Many Explosions Later…._

"Ow!" Simmons cried.

"Stop squirming, you'll make it worse," Rowe warned as she banged the poor maroon soldier.

"He gonna be okay?" I ask.

"He'll be fine," Rowe nods.

"You guys are assholes," Simmons grumbles which Rowe wraps a bandage a little tighter than normal as a response, "Ow!" Simmons cries glaring at Rowe who just smiles casually.

I turn to Sarge who was looking at Church and I ask "Hey Sarge, how's our other patient?"

"Heh heh. Seems like all the kicking and blowing up put some life back into the little guy," he chuckles, "That's adorable."

"Why are all his blue parts green?" Grif asks me.

"I-don't know," I mumble, but Caboose and Carrie seemed to know.

"Delta?" they asked.

"Caboose, Iota, is it you?" Delta asks.

Carrie and Caboose share another glance before excitedly crying "Delta!"

"Caboose, Iota," he calls out, "I need you to listen, my time is brief. Epsilon is not in control right now. But he will be again, shortly."

The pair share another glance, "Great," the happily reply.

"Perhaps not," Delta warns, "The encounter with Agent Washington has jarred loose many of his memories. Epsilon has not, historically coped with these memories well."

"What's that mean?" Grif asks.

"We fear he may pursue certain memories in particular," Delta replies.

"Who is we?" Grif asks.

"Myself and the other memories of the Alpha fragments," Delta answers.

That clearly didn't answer anything for Grif because he then exploded into full rant mode and angrily growls "What the fuck is that? Who the fuck are you, and what the fuck is happening?"

Grif turns to me for an answer and I reply, "Well, I'm pretty sure this is part of the aftermath from when we went to command with Wash."

"Oh pff," Grif retorts, "That's fucking great. We're playing cleanup for that asshole's mess," Grif complained and pointed at Delta/Church.

"Epsilon may not yet be aware of our presence, but eventually he will be. We cannot hide forever. It is likely at this point he will begin the cycle again. That must not happen," Delta cautioned.

"But if he meets you in there then you can be friends. But not best friends," he glances over to Carrie then back, "But, you know 'cause that job's, taken? But, you know, maybe acquaintances?"

"Aw!" Carrie gushes, "I'm your best friend?"

"One of them," he replies happily.

I noticed the light started flickering, "Caboose, Carrie," they turn to me and I pointed at the monitor.

"If only, I, were the memory, that he's looking for," Delta murmured before he greens light faded and was replaced with blue again.

"What?" Church glances around confused he then recognizes us "Uh, oh. Hey. I must've uh, must've passed out. Sorry 'bout that," he mumbles apologetically.

I nod, "Alright, Caboose, Carrie, you two keep an eye on him, I need to speak with the Red's for a moment. You know where to find me if you need me."

They both give me a nod and I proceeded to walk off leaving the three to their own devices. Too bad I would come to learn….well, more like be reminded on why leaving those three alone together was a bad idea. We still got a little bit 'till then though.

"Hey Lockett?" Simmons asks as I walked up, "Why does your team always seem to have more stuff going on then us?"

"Yeah. Boring stuff," Sarge added.

"Nerdy stuff," Grif also added.

I actually had to think about this for a moment. Why did everything seem to gravitate towards my team?

"Honestly, I think I blame Church for it, or you know whatever the current rendition of him," I reply honestly.

"Heh, all we ever talk about is food, guns, and pranks," Simmons chuckles.

"That reminds me, I'm hungry," Grif randomly says and walks to the campsite.

"Stop complaining or I'll shoot ya in the head," threatened Sarge.

"I'm so putting laxatives in your next meals," Rowe grumbles.

"Guys hold up," I call over.

I then notice Sarge sneaking off, drawing closer to Church instead of heading for the campsite. So I did what any suspicious person was like have done, I went after him.

"Sarge," I call out. Sarge raises his finger telling me to wait a moment, I turn to the others and shrug, but we did wait.

I managed to catch the tail end of the conversation where Church said, "Alright, well, let's go then. I actually thought it would take longer to convince you two. Come on. I wanna get to the facility before nightfall."

"Uh, you wanna bring the Epsilon unit?" Caboose asks.

"Is it necessary to... do your thing?" Church asks.

"No," Carrie replies, "It's not."

"Then who cares. Leave it. Where we're going, we won't need it," Church answers sternly.

"Sarge," I call out, "I'm assuming you know what to do."

Sarge turns to Grif and bellows "Grif, get your lazy keestern to the vehicles! We're moving out!"

"To where?" Simmons asks, confused.

"To where the Blues are headin'," he replies sharply.

"Why?" asks Grif.

"The Blues are up to somethin' and I want to know what!" he barks. "Come on men, let's get after them, sounds like this is the big opportunity we've been waitin' for."

"For what?" Rowe asks.

"Our opportunity to find a place to hole up until this all blows over?" Grif suggested.

"Some place that isn't a desert?" Simmons offered.

"No!" Sarge cries, frustrated at his men's ignorance to what he believed to be the obvious longer term mission objective, "A place to finally restore the Blues to Command's database. Get yer typing fingers ready Simmons!"

I face palm "Oh yeah, I forgot you did that."

Simmons sighed and said "Okay, I'll bring my carpal tunnel braces."

"Rowe," Sarge calls out, the medic snaps to attention, "I need you to take inventory of our supplies, take whatever you need from them camp. We're also going to need a vehicle." he glances over to me, "Make it two."

"Why?" Simmons asks, confused, "Why do we need a vehicle, the Blues are walking. I'm sure we can keep up with them on foot."

"On foot?!" Grif balked.

"You're joking?" Rowe cried.

"I think it's a great idea," I reply. Everyone snaps to me. "You know, we're already carrying 50 to 60 pounds of equipment, wouldn't be hard to march there."

"March?" Simmons asks. "Like a parade?"

"Yeah, you know, march," I reply with a little more sarcasm in my voice, "30 inch step 40 inches apart all around, maintaining a speed of 3 and a half miles per hour." I paused for a second as I listened for the sputters and chokes as they processed the information. Rowe lets out a painful groan while Sarge just seemed to smile harder. "What do you think Sarge."

Sarge let's out a mighty laugh and says "You know what, I like you're thinking Lockett. I think marching would be a great idea, it would keep us in shape, alert, and professional! Of course we'll also be needing our ruck-packs as well."

"Oh no, never forget that!" I cried, "You never forget that if you want to go long distance marching! How else are you going to carry the rest of your gear? Though, with the minimum ruck-pack weight, our carry weight would end up at around say….80 pounds?"

"It's only an extra 20 pounds," Sarge reassured, "I'm sure they'll be fine…. Or, we can drive there-"

"-Get there quicker-" I add.

"-Carry even more equipment-"

"-And have plenty of energy left over."

We then simultaneously look over to Simmons who at this point has his knees trembling as he cowers from the ever enraging glares of Rowe and Grif.

"Driving's fine," he gulps.

"Alrighty then," Sarge whoops, "Let's mount up!"

Right before we stepped off, I quickly remembered something important, "Oh Meia," I stop in front of her, "Here," I hand her a memory drive, "Give this to Tucker, it'll tell him where we're going."

I then took off after the Reds, when I got to the campsite, they already had pretty much everything ready.

"Wow," I mumbled, actually impressed, "When you said you guys were fast," I commented at Sarge.

"Of course we're ready!" Sarge laughs as if it were obvious, "We're Reds, we have to be ready to strike at a moment's notice!" It's looking to be not that far off from the truth.

"Any idea where we're going?" Grif asks.

"Yeah," I shout back as I through him a piece of paper, "Head to these coordinates, Carrie was nice enough to leave us a note."

So off we were on another adventure to a place we really couldn't give a damn about. All we did know was that someone we knew was going there and we had to be there with them. The sooner the better, I'd rather not get caught here when Wash finally arrives. I gotta wonder why Church picked this spot in particular, guess we'll find out.

* * *

 **Author's Note: This chapter is pretty much just a filler and set up for the next episode. I'm actually looking forward to it, not going to lie. It will definitely be a fun write, I hope you have fun too. See you then.**


	46. This One Goes to Eleven

**Author's Note: Knowing me, this might have taken a longer than expected. I thank you for your patience and I hope you enjoy this. I know for a fact some of you have been waiting for this episode, so I hope I live up to your expectations. I also couldn't really think of a title that fit this better than the original episode.**

* * *

This One Goes to Eleven

"….And should take you, directly to our position, you get all that?" I ask while fiddling with my PDA.

"Yeah," Tucker shouted, I could hear the air brushing past him and the rumble of the engine in the background. "We'll be there in five, Tucker out."

So, we found out where the three C's ended up going, it was this old rundown town that had shown signs of immense artillery damage. Simmons insisted that we had the wrong place, to which Grif point to the tracker. Simmons argument pretty much proved pointless once we ran into the front entrance. Honestly we would have never found it if the computer near the door didn't sound off, funny how things work.

I let out a groan as I relaxed against the tree and watched bemusedly as the console shorted out and fell onto the floor. I ended up not having the clearance to open said door and the team ultimately failed at passing off as agents. Fucking Agent Pluto, god dammit Grif, talk about not trying, or maybe he is trying which makes the whole thing worse, fucking master's degree down the drain. Also, apparently all you need to do is shoot the main console in the face with a shotgun and that's how you get in….okay, whatever.

*crash*

"The hell?" I turned my head to the entrance.

I quickly placed my helmet back on and grabbed my smg and I checked the magazine for ammo before slapping it back in. I then quickly ran in and came into what looked like a large warehouse organized into a large maze like formation.

"Guys!" I shout into the radio, "What's going on, where are you?!" I asked as I frantically looked ran around through the maze.

The only response I got was a bunch of screaming and noises of things getting hit.

"Oh Lt. Rockett. How's everything today?" a voice…. Caboose nervously asks.

"Caboose?" I ask, "What's going on?"

"W-well," he begins, "Carrie, Church, and I….we came here and the Reds followed."

"And then what?" I asked.

"Uh..." he stammered.

"And then what Caboose?" I asked more sternly.

"And then we found something!" Carrie suddenly cuts in. "And it started to attack us!"

"Who?" I cried back, "Who atta-"

"Lockett!" a voice cried, I tend and peeking from around the corner was Rowe. "It's Tex!"

"What?" I ask incredulously.

"Somehow she's here!" Rowe cires, "And she's pissed."

"What's she doing right now?" I ask.

"Kicking the shit out of Grif and Sarge."

I nod then on my radio I say "Simmons, it's Lockett, what's your status."

"It's green!" Simmons shouts, "I found a launcher!"

'Great, more rockets,' I thought, 'Too bad I left my empty launcher back with the vehicles.'

"Alright, I need you to go to the entrance and meet up with Tucker and Fergo," I instruct, "They're almost here and they'll need to be filled in."

"What about you?" he asks.

"I'm going to buy you some time," I reply.

I got off the radio and then start looting one of the crates.

Rowe growled to me "You plan on filling me in on what we're going to do?"

"We're going to bail out your team."

"What about Tex?" she asks, "We gonna try and take her alive too?"

"No."

Rowe froze as if she wasn't expecting that kind of answer from me.

"W-what do you mean no?" she asks, "It's Tex, she's our friend."

"She clearly isn't," I coldly correct, "At least this rendition of her. Right now she's a hostile, worry about getting your team out first, that's the priority," I tell her while handing her a two stun grenades and two concussion grenades. "We'll do what we can but keep that in mind."

"What are these for?" she asks.

"It's what we got to work with," I respond, "Anything else might put our guys at risk, plus it might make taking her down easier if we can successfully incapacitate her."

Rowe nodded then said "You still haven't told me your plan."

"We're going to have to overwhelm her senses if we're even going to have a shot at this," I mutter as I pull out two smoke grenades and two impact grenades. I turn to her and smirk, "How about we introduce a little anarchy?"

* * *

 **AU: Don't normally do this, but let's try it out. Just the track I was listening to while writing. [Play track: "Why So Serious," by Hanz Zimmer and James Newton Howard.]**

"Remember the plan?" I ask through the radio.

" _Yeah._ "

"Caboose, Carrie?" I ask, "What are you going to do?"

" _Not help you?_ " they simultaneously reply.

I nod "Good, for this plan to work I need to you to just standby for now. On my mark." I glanced around at the fight before me right as the Tex look-alike knocks out Sarge.

Grif started to spray blindly in front of him while Tex just rolled under the shots and swatted the rifle out of his arms. Before Grif could even react Tex had delivered a flurry of punches to his face quickly followed by an uppercut, a heavy blow downward, and then a knee to his crotch. She then picked him up and threw onto the ground where she held open his legs and-

"Wait wait wait-!" Grif screams.

He was cut short as Tex then proceeded drive her fist deep between Grif's legs and then kicked him across the room launching him against a crate.

'Ooo, that sucks.'

 **AU: It's a nine minute track so I'll have these timestamps for the highlights matching them to each scene. Recommended time stamp-1:20]**

"Mark!" I finally shout.

A flashbang suddenly lands at Tex's feet and before she could react, the stun grenade goes off. Tex lets out a frustrated cry as the grenade successfully stuns her, hence the art of cooking a grenade.

"Suppressing!" Rowe screams as she rounds the corner and starts spraying Tex's area keeping her from moving.

"Hit and run!" I scream and the vault over the crate, making a beeline for the metal panel across the room.

As soon as Rowe's rifle ran dry, I let out a long stream of fire from my smg covering Rowe as started cooking one of her concussion grenades. I dove for cover as the grenade went off and as I slid, I prime a smoke grenade and threw it at the stunned….whatever she was. From behind the cover I waited for the next part of the plan.

*boom*

Right after the thunderous boom of the concussion grenade went off, I stepped out from cover, primed both of my impact grenades, and hurled them into the smoke. Out from the smoke stumbled a slightly disorientated Tex, my plan had worked. I snapped my smg onto her and pulled the trigger.

*click*

I looked up at Tex in shock as I saw the effects of the grenades quickly wearing off. With my heart pumping, and adrenaline flowing through my veins I threw the empty weapon to the side and charged at the distracted figure.

Surprisingly, Sarge saw this and he rushed in on Tex in an attempt at swiping her with the stock of his shotgun. Tex brought up her left arm easily blocking the strike before delivering a lightning jab to his stomach followed by a haymaker to the back of his head sending him to the ground. The distraction worked, thought at the expense of Sarge. By the time Tex turned to face me it was too late.

 **[Time stamp-2:30]**

I let out an animalistic roar as I collided into Tex's stomach with full force. I actually had enough forward momentum to lift Tex off of her feet for a few seconds. I then used all my power left in the charge to force her to the ground in a great crash. I quickly mounted her and began delivering haymakers to her exposed face. As expected, the blows didn't too much as she seemed more angry than anything. She caught one of my punches and pulled me down where she elbowed me into the face and rolled me over onto my back. Now she was in the mounted position punching my face. In that position, I did the only thing I knew that could get me out. I started shrimping to the guard to which Tex quickly noticed and tried to pin me. Right before I could fully break free from the mount, Tex with an iron grip, grapple onto my chest plate and started to yank me back into the mounted position. I, the stubborn bastard I am wasn't gonna have any of that, I wrapped my hands around her collar and with all my might pulled her head down slamming into mine. Not the greatest idea, but it worked, she was stunned just enough for me to get my legs up into her stomach where I managed to push her off of me.

Before she could respond with a counter, she was swiped to the side as someone came in and tackled over. I quickly looked over to discover that it was Rowe and she currently had Tex on the ground in a triangle lock. Struggling to break free, Tex then lifted Rowe up in the air. Rowe family pounded onto Tex's head as Tex lifted her up and then brought her down onto a wooden pallet which shattered under Rowe's impact. Rowe let out a howled in pain as she let go and Tex stood up triumphantly. Tex patiently watched me as I slowly got up, she then cracked her neck and beckoned me to bring it on. I took a few deep breaths, I looked down at Rowe who was still sprawled out on the floor, she slowly lifted her head and glanced back at me, she slowly shakes her head as if to tell me no. I then walk forward while Tex stood by, watching me with an odd amused look.

 **[Time stamp-7:40]**

"Hurry up Simmons," I mutter to myself.

Here I am, standing in front of this mountain of a person, out of options, and out of time. I know full well that in a straight out fight I would lose against her. So why am I still trying?

Tex just casually walks forward then through a right hook. My arm goes up and blocks it followed by a counter jab to her chest making her stumble backward. Before she could counter I jumped in delivering blow after blow: a right and left hook to her head, a jab to her stomach, and an elbow to her chin. With each blow, Tex remain stoic as ever and her slight steps backward were the only indication that the hits even registered. With another right cross to her face, she had had enough, she slapped my left arm out of the way, backhanded me with the same arm, and then kicked me in the chest sending me stumbling back. In my stumble, Tex walks up, grabs onto me and winds up a punch. I quickly counter by bashing her punching arm away and freed myself with a swipe to her other arm. I duck under her hook and counter;Tex closes back quickly with an elbow to my stomach and grapples my neck and punches me several time across my face and chest. Tex then raises her arm for one last haymaker that I barely manage to block giving me an opening where I deliver an uppercut breaking me out of my corner. A few more blows were exchanged before Tex catches my punch and uses the momentum from her spin to wind up a punch and slams it down onto my head like a hammer. I collapse to the floor with a pained cry, my ears were ringing, my bones felt like they were going to buckle from the stress, and my head felt like I had just been hit by a car.

I felt my body screams as my lungs fought for air, I glanced up and watched helplessly as Tex raised her boot with the intent of bringing down on my face. I closed my eyes in anticipation to an end that never came. When I looked up, I saw the Tex had been forced off of me by Rowe who had gotten up and kicked Tex off. I watched on in fascination as Rowe proceeded to deliver a handle of punches to Tex. It was then, Tex let out a chuckle as she caught Rowes arms and slams her head into Rowe's twice. Rowe stumbles slightly as Tex stands up, Rowe throws a blind punch that Tex slaps to the side and punches her in the throat. As Rowe painfully gasps and reaches for her throat, Tex grabs her collar and punches her the face snapping her head back. Tex then finishes the fight with knee to her stomach and a clock to the back of Rowe's head.

With one final push, I let out and angry, pained cry as I struggled to lift myself off the floor, what can I say, I wasn't taught how to quit. Tex just looked at me, now even more interested, it seemed. I guess in her eyes she couldn't fathom why one guy was so willing to get beat up by her, I'm now asking the same question.

I let out one final roar as I threw a careless punch at her, to which she effortlessly dodges and plants her fist into my stomach making double over. She quickly follows up with a heel to my leg forcing me to my knees, and a hit to my head sending me to the floor. With one final move, Tex grabs me by my neck and all I could do was scream helplessly as she was the one with all the power now. She proceeds to drive me head first into a metal panel officially taking down for the count. Well, I guess I'm finished.

 **[End track.]**

As I struggled to stay conscious with each ragged breath, I watched as Tex stood triumphantly over me. She did seem impressed by my fighting, at least enough so that she wouldn't kick me while I was down. At least she's got that going for her, honestly she just doesn't seem human, I've seen very few people able to move like she did, one of them was the Meta, the others were Spartans.

"Hey sweet cheeks!"

Tex turns to the source of the voice and docks as a plasma grenade harmlessly passes over her.

"Remember us?" another voice asks, this one female.

"Fergo and Tucker," I breath, now you come?!

"Step away please," Fergo politely requested as she activated her ban hammer with an alien hum and Tucker activated his keyblade. Well I'll be damned.

The three then begin to circle each other in a standoff.

"Caboose no!" Carrie cries.

Then suddenly a large metal wall lands separating Tucker from Fergo and Tex.

"Yes!" Caboose shouts, "I saved Tucker!" Caboose then realizes what he just did, "Oh wait," he sighs regretfully, "I saved Tucker."

"Dammit, what are you two doing?!" Tucker shrieks, "You're messing up the plan!"

Dammit Caboose, now you made it easier for her to take them out!

Sure enough, Fergo tries to bring the hammer down on Tex. Tex, being the apparent badass she was, agily sidestepped the hammer grabbed onto the handle of the hammer, planted her boot onto Fergo's chest for leverage. Then in a moment of agile brilliance, used the leverage she had with the handle and her foot to backflip off of Fergo while kicking her face simultaneously.

Quickly regaining her bearings, Fergo goes in swinging horizontally with the intent of batting Tex to the side. Tex slides underneath the swing and kicks out Fergo's feet causing her to fall painfully onto her butt. Tex quickly rolls over and roundhouse kicks Fergo in the face.

"Simmons!" she suddenly screams, "Shoot her!"

'Simmons?' I thought. 'Where?'

From behind me, there Simmons sat on a platform with the launcher.

Tex noticed too because she looked straight at him as he screamed "You ratted me out you bitch!"

Simmons fires a rocket that Tex dodges by jumping to the side. She reaches up and grabs a teleporter and throws it at Simmons.

"Oh shit!" he screams as he fires another rocket and tries to run back.

What happened next was pretty much unbelievable. The rocket flies into the teleporter and exits out of another one on the ground beneath him. The rocket detonates under his feet sending Simmons into the air flying through the first teleporter and straight into Tex who grabs him and then kicks him in the ass sending him into Tucker who had finally made it around the metal panel from earlier.

"That was fucking awesome-aw!"

As everyone slowly starts to piece themselves together, Rowe offers me a hand up.

"You good?" she asks.

"I can do this all day," I laugh.

"What do we do Lockett?" Grif asks miserably.

"Sarge, options!" I groan.

At that moment, Tucker activates his sword and Fergo readies her hammer.

Sarge, with a concerned look, replies "I don't know... I've never hit a girl in my life!" while cocking his shotgun.

A terrified Simmons readies his launcher and comments "Yeah, I noticed. Try harder!"

"Still trying to do non lethal?" she asks as she pulls out her laser as if she already knew the answer.

"What do you think?" I ask sarcastically as I pull out my machete.

"Hah!" Grif chants as he picks up a traffic cone from off the ground.

The exact moment Rowe started charging the laser, Tex bolted forward, snatches the shotgun out of Sarge's grip while simultaneously kicking Fergo interrupting her swing. Fergo gets knocked into Rowe whose laser fires up into the ceiling while Tex swats the laser out of Rowe's hands, clubs her in the head with the shotgun, and then kicks Fergo into her sending them both to the ground. She then quickly punches Tucker aside and kicks Simmons into a teleporter leaving only Grif and I left. I could hear Simmons screaming as he flew through three different teleporters positioned on the opposite sides from each other. Grif and I were in the advantage with the two angles of attack, though she did have a shotgun right she would momentarily switch pointing it between us.

Luck wouldn't have it as Simmons flew through the teleporter behind Grif launching him foreward where Tex kicked him in the groin….again.

"Oh no, Grif!" Simmons cries, terrified as Tex points the barrel straight into Grifs face.

"Yikes!" Grif meeps and flinches as Tex pulls the trigger with a resounding-

*click*

Tex tries to shoot Grif in the face with a shotgun, but it clicks again confirming that it is indeed, out of ammo.

An irritates Sarge shouts angrily "Private Grif, you should be ashamed of yourself. We've run out of ammo again! That's your responsibility!"

Grif now relieved, laughs "Huh. I guess this is the first time my laziness has ever saved my-oof!"

Grif is cut off as Tex firmly plants her boot onto and raises the shotgun like a golf club but suddenly turns and weaves out of a swipe from my machete. As I slowly circle her with the blade drawn and ready, she adjusts her grip on the barrel of the shotgun as if it was a baseball bat. I take the initiative performing a heavy slash from the right which she dodges, then a left hand horizontal cut which she jumps back. I close in with another slash but hit nothing but air as Tex spins to the side and hits me in the back. I bring it up for another attempt only for Tex to grab my arm into a lock. She twists my arm knocking the machete from my hand and then punches me in the face and lets go making me stumble and fall to my knees. Wondering why she let go, I soon got my answer as I looked up just in time to see Grif slam into me knocking us both back towards the garage door.

"Watch it!" Simmons hisses as he jumps over us.

" _You_ watch it!" retorted Grif.

"You idiots!," Sarge barked, "Let me show you how it's done!"

We all watched as Tex punches him in the face right as he said the sending flying over to us.

Grif sarcastically remarks "Nice demonstration, Sarge."

"Ah shut up."

Fergo suddenly jumps in with another swing of her hammer landing it on the floor next to Tex sending her into the wall. Fergo quickly

Sarge cries as we watch another body crash into him.

When they landed, we found Sarge and Rowe in a rather compromising position.

"Is this what you meant by "My arms are open?"" Sarge jokes.

"Shut up Sarge," a slightly flustered Rowe grumbles.

"Hey guys look up there," Simmons whispers as a container moves above Tex.

"Tucker!" I scream, he looks up to me pointing at him.

He looks down at the ground then up at the container and quickly jumps to his feet.

"Hey Caboose, Carrie! Remember when I said not to help me?" he asks "Forget that, I need you guys to help me. Right now!"

Tucker then rolls out from under the container just as the crane holding it let go dropping it onto Tex.

"No way," we all breath as we watched Tex in an unbelievable feat of strength, lift the large container up. "We survive punches from that?! How?!"

She then throws the container at us.

"Oh fuck," I groan.

"We gotta get outta here!" Grif cries hysterically as he bangs on the garage door trying to make it open.

"We'll be crushed!" Simmons cries.

"Don't worry guys, I got this," Tucker treasure as he pulls out his sword, "SWISH!"

With one great swing he splits the container in two, the two pieces fall harmlessly around us while covering Sarge and Grif in….med packs?

Simmons steps out from behind the container and breathes a sigh a relief "Oh thank God, thought I was a goner."

Simmons rushed over to us and helped us up.

"Why'd you take so long to shoot?" I complained, "I was getting the shit kicked out of me."

"It's the first time with the launcher I'm sorry," Simmons reasoned.

I sigh "Yeah I guess that makes sense."

Simmons looks around "Sarge!" he calls out, "Where are you?"

Sarge pops his head out from a pile of medpacks surprising us, "Rrr, what happened? I feel defeated, yet inexplicably rejuvenated!"

"Check it out," Rowe murmured.

I looked over just in time to see Tex side step a smash from Fergo, grab her into a head lock and then kick Tucker away as he ran in. She then flips Fergo onto her stomach and turns to Tucker.

"SWISH!" Tex side steps and punches him in the face and the stomach. "Fuck!" He goes for a horizontal swipe, "SWOOSH!" Tex ducks under it, knees Tucker in the stomach and kicks him back. "Ah!" Tucker thrusts the sword forward "STAB!" Tex side steps, grabs the wrist, twists his arm, "GOD DAMMIT!" screams Tucker as Tex forcefully wrenches the sword handle from him and kicks him in the face sending him sliding across the floor past us only to fall into the teleporter as he screams "OH COME ON!"

"Did you see that?" Grif asks.

"How would I have missed that?" Simmons retorts.

Tucker falls out of the teleporter in front of Tex and flies straight into her chokehold but right as she was about to swing, the sword goes out.

Tucker taunted smugly "What's the matter Tex, you having trouble keeping it up? Don't worry, it happens to everybody. Well, not _me_ , but..."

"Wait," Sarge murmurs as we watch Fergo come in and try to rescue Tucker. "That's one of the older models isn't it?" he asks turning to Simmons.

Simmons looks at the barrel and answers "Yeah it is."

"That means it's got heat seeking," Sage adds.

"Sarge," I look over, "I don't think that's going to work on a target that small."

"You have a better idea?" he asks.

We look back to the fight as Fergo charges the pair swinging her hammer grazing the ground before bringing it back up for a full swing. Tex quickly throws Tucker into the gravity distortion launching him into the teleporter.

"Bitch!" he screams as he flies out fully covered in black stuff. He gets up looking himself over cursing "Damn it, I hate this black stuff, what the hell is it?!"

"There she is!" Grif cries pointing at Tucker.

I cry out "No wait-"

"Get her!" Grif shouts as he and Sarge run over and start to kick the shit out of Tucker. Mostly Sarge since Grif got tired after like three hits.

"Sarge that's Tucker!" I cry.

"See I told you! Ass hole!" Tucker cries. Sarge pauses for a moment and then punches tucker again, "Ow!" I guess Sarge didn't take the insult too why.

As he let go Sarge apologizes, "Meh, force of habit."

"Man, you guys ar-ah! Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa-!"

Tucker staggers backward and slips on a medpack backing up into Grif.

"Hey, watch it- whoa-" Grif cries as he is pushed back over the teleporter forcing him to hang onto Tucker not to fall.

I quickly look back as Fergo goes in for another swing, right as the hammer hit the ground, Tex jumped up using the force from the distortion field to propel up flipping over Fergo and then Kicking her in the face as she turns to face Tex. Fergo goes flying head first through the teleporter straight into Grif's crotch.

"What's your problem with my balls?" Grif cries miserably as he falls through the portal with Tucker falling through shortly after.

Tucker falls through the teleporter and backs into Tex, who suplexes him and goes for the mount and starts punching him. Tucker immediately tries to block her punches by putting his arms over his face.

"Simmons what are you waiting for?!" Rowe cries.

"They look the same! Which one do I shoot?!" he cries.

"Really?!" I shriek.

"Ow! Shoot the one who's winning, dumb ass!" Tucker roars.

"Grif! Watch it!" Simmons cries as Grif staggers in front of Simmons's sights cradling his balls.

"Uh-huh-huh!" he weakly groaned.

Tex looks up then kicks Tucker forward into Grif before grabbing his leg, pulling him back and punching him to the ground so hard that the black ash flies off his armor as he skids back towards Sarge and Simmons. She turns to Fergo behind her, grabbing her fist and twisting it before flipping her over onto her back. Fergo was soon to join us as Tex picks her up by her foot and slingshots her into.

"Wow, knocked the black right off ya!" Sarge mused.

"That's racist!" Tucker cries while groaning in pain.

Fergo was soon to join us as Tex picks her up by her foot and slingshots her into Tucker who had just gotten up.

"You're clear!" I shout hitting him on the shoulder.

"Fire in the hole!"

*fwoosh*

Tex takes off and leaps into a portal, flipping out the other side and then running straight back to us; the missile still on her tail.

"Oh fuck," I curse.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Tucker screams in disbelief, "Run!"

He turns smacking straight into Simmons who swings the rocket launcher around clubbing Sarge in the face twirling him around and headbutting Rowe. I tumbled to the left, Fergo dropped to the floor in a duck and cover position, and Grif ran to the back. I watched in utter awe and disbelief as Tex winds up a punch and knocks all four of them down in a single punch before sliding under Grif's legs. I'm not entirely sure what happened after that since I kinda blacked out; but from what I remember, Tex managed to guide the missile into a bunch of air tanks that ignited into minnie rockets colliding into all of us sending us pretty much everywhere. I think one of them hit Grif in the balls. When I finally came to, we were all sprawled out on the floor….minus Grif and Rowe.

I slowly watched as Tex casually walks over to a concrete barricade and carefully pushes it aside and soon pushes it a few more inches. She then waits as Grif finally comes crashing down on top of it... crotch-first. Oh, there's Grif.

*boom*

Suddenly Tex is hit by a red pulse from out of nowhere knocking her to the side. I look over and I see Fergo standing there, a little worse for the wear brandishing her M6 Spartan Laser.

"Get away from them you bitch!" she shrieks angrily.

Tex gets up and dusts her self off, she then starts to charge again before Rowe fires another laser knocking her to the ground. What was odd was how she was firing the laser in short, weaker, pulses rather than one continuous stream.

"If it wasn't for the fact that you are what you are," she hisses, "I would have obliterated you right, here right now."

As Tex slowly got up again, Rowe fire another pulse making her fall to her knees.

"FILLSS now!" she cries.

"Now initiating standard safety protocol. Armor lockdown in progress. All units, stand by for lockdown."

Tex immediately locks down immobilizing her in place.

"Wait!" Church cries running up to us….in a new body of all things, ""

"There, she's alive," Rowe growls smugly to me as she helps me up.

"I told you that it wasn't the priority," I cough.

"And I figured we would get more out of it if she was alive to tell us," Rowe reasoned.

"Anyway, how'd you do that thing with the laser?" I ask, "You know, the shortened charge."

"Half charge?" She shrugs, "Couldn't use it at full power without hitting one of you guys. Plus it saves power since it uses 10% rather than the usual 20."

"Wait," I murmur as I remembered what Filss had said, "Didn't Filss say all armors?"

All of a sudden I see everyone's armor look up as they become immobilized.

"Wait, why isn't my armor locking up?" I ask Filss.

"You and Caboose don't have that particular protocol installed in your helmets," Filss explained, so that's what that guy meant by "rewriting my firmware." " I had assumed, that was the reason why you were wearing them-"

"Yes. That is totally the reason," Caboose quickly cuts in.

* * *

 **[AN: Also something new, there're certain parts of the story I don't feel like having to explain in detail later on, so I figured I'll just give you guys this.]**

 **Omake:**

"I don't like this," Washington murmured to his companions.

"Look, I talked to them," Doc reasoned, "Their leader said they're gonna draw us a map and show us where Epsilon went. After that you can let me go."

"You sure that's what she told them to do?" he asks, feeling suspicious of the female interpreter.

"Well, my Alien to English is a little rusty," Doc explained, "I would suggest we get one of those translator balls, but we got enough jerks around here already."

The Meta lets out a growl.

"I agree," Wash nodded, "We should just kill most of them, the last one left alive will talk."

Doc shook his head and said "Wash, you just can't kill everybody you meet."

"Why not?" Wash asks.

Doc ponders for a moment before shrugging and saying "Uh... well now you're putting me on the spot, I don't really have an answer for that, just seems like a bad idea though. Karma?"

"The map is done humans," the interpreter announced.

Washington walks up to see what the alien has drawn. The alien had written 'HUMENS SUK' in the sand with the word 'SHISNO' and an arrow pointed at a stick figure with X's over its eyes. Wash looks up at the alien translator to discover a smug smile on her face.

"Did you honestly think that you could just waltz onto private property, without any form of a court order or warrant mind you, and just start making demands to us?" she snarls. "We are not entitled to give you anything and as of right now, you have overstayed your welcome and are now trespassing. I strongly request that you leave. If you refuse, I'll have my security forcefully remove you and the next time we see each other will be in one of your courts."

"What did that map say?" Doc asks Wash.

As if one cue, the aliens behind the translator, now confirmed one in charge raises their weapons.

Wash replies cooly "It says peace talks have broken down. Now we do it our way."

The Meta growls before opening fire with his brute shot.

* * *

 **Author's Note: Just to get this right out of the way first, I had to do a bit of research on the spartan laser in order to see if it would work the way I wanted it to. To my surprise, it does, this is a quite straight out from the halo wiki, "Contrary to popular belief, the Spartan Laser is not a one-hit, one-kill weapon. In gameplay, damage is inflicted on a target by means of multiple, precision strikes from the laser. Instead of what appears to be one intense, uninterrupted beam of energy, the laser is actually multiple, but smaller, charges of energy, sent downrange in rapid succession, giving the appearance of a continuous beam." Now how about that, also the 10% instead of 20% was something I'll off from Halo: Legends. I also figured the weapon should allow you with an alternate fire mode akin to how the yamato canyons work in Starcraft: short charged pulses, for one fully charged blast.**

 **On another note, I'm starting to get this feeling that writing in first person might be a little bit of a hinderance. Regardless of what you think, just to make writing a little easier on me, I think I'll switch the writing style over to third person limited rather than first person. That way, I can still write the story centered on one particular character, but I personally feel would help give me more room to work with when writing action. I can't really start it until season 10 since I already have early season 9 posted and the first two chapters were in first person. I personally don't think I should suddenly change perspectives randomly, that just would interrupt the flow, so I don't know.**

 **Anyway, I hope reading the fight in this chapter for you was nowhere near as tedious as it was for me to write it. I did have fun, but I don't think it turned out quite the way I wanted it to, it's actually the main reason I'm considering switching to third person actually. I hope you enjoyed it, and see you later.**


	47. Taking a Short Break

**Author's Note: Man I sorry for the unannounced break, I got caught up with my video games, plus I was starting to feel a little burned out on writing. Getting a week of premium on World of Warships didn't help, since premium works even when I'm not logged into Wargaming, I didn't want it to go to waste. In other news, I'll be honest with you, I did not like how my last chapter turned out. Writing it was a hassle and I don't feel I got the fight out the way I wanted it. I'm going to have to go back and rewrite it in third person since first person was pretty much a failure in my eyes.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Red Vs Blue.**

* * *

Taking a Short Break

"Well how about that," I mutter to myself as I watch the former unstoppable Agent Texas collapsed onto the floor as her armor locked down.

"Are you alright?" Rowe asks me as she helps me up.

"Did you get the number on the truck that hit me?" I asked as I wobbly stood up.

Rowe glances over to Tex and back to me saying "Yeah, we got her." She then shoots a glare over to me while I steady myself on a concrete barrier.

I sighed as I looked over everyone, "Well that could have gone better," I groan.

"You're an idiot you know that?" she suddenly snorts.

"Well, you're not wrong," I shrug.

"At least you have some idea of what you're doing," she smirks, she then deadpans and looks over to Church and Sarge. "'Cause the closest they got are them."

"I would still pick Sarge," I comment honestly. "If I ever needed extra help."

"Really?" Rowe deadpanned.

"Wait?" I ask, defensively, "He's good at improvising. Speaking of which, what did you exactly do?" I ask pointing at Tex.

"Caboose had FILISS initiate armor lock," she replies, she then winces as she continues "Too bad it also locked down everyone else as well."

"So why aren't you locked down then?" I ask curiously.

"Everyone but me," she corrects.

I was about to retort but then took a second to debate if it was worth the effort. No it wasn't, I hope she knows I can smell the bullshit emanating off of her.

"Anything else I should know?" I ask.

"Safety Protocols were initiated, please remain calm," FILISS informed.

"She's currently informing Church about this," Rowe adds.

"Anything I should know?" I ask.

"No," FILISS replies, "I will be bringing him out of recovery mode momentarily."

I look over to Church who had literally just arrived, "When did he get here?" I ask.

"Right after Tex was locked down….and before everyone else was," Rowe replies.

"Alright," I glance over to Tucker and Fergo, "Can you let them out?" I ask.

"Releasing armor lock."

The couple to crumple to the floor with a loud "Oof!"

As they got up and dusted themselves off, Tucker let's out an excited laugh and asks "Oh oh god, that sucked! What was all that glowing shit?"

"Sheila put us in lock-down to save us," Church replies as he was released from lock down.

"Wait, she knocked us out to help us?" Fergo asks in disbelief, "That sounds counterintuitive," she groans as she stretched her back.

"That's because it is," Tucker groans as he pops his shoulder, "But at least we aren't getting our asses kicked anymore."

I heard something rustling behind me, I glance over and watch as Rowe took a long swig from her flask of a very specific type of whiskey. Apparently her time with us has made her slightly alcoholic. She quickly covers her mouth as she lets out a soft burp. At Least her manners are still there. Rowe finally noticed that I was watching her, she offers the flask to me to which I politely decline. She just shrugs and mutters something in French before walking over to the Reds.

"They can hear us right?" Church asks.

"Affirmative," replies FILISS.

"She said yes!" Caboose cheerfully adds.

"Caboose I think they know that," Carrier comments.

"I know!" Caboose nods, "I just want to use the microphone! It makes me sound super loud ! I'm not sure if they can tell!"

"So anyway," Tucker turns back to Church, "Where'd you get the new body?"

Church lets out a tired sigh "Long story, I'll tell you guys later."

Fergo rolls her eyes saying "That's okay, I think we can put two and two together."

"Attention Freelancer shoppers! We have a special on submachine guns in aisle seven!" Caboose shouted excitedly. "This is Michael. J Caboose and I -"

"Sorry guy," Carrie adds quickly.

A much quieter Caboose could be heard shouting "Aw man!"

Church casually walks up to the Reds and shouts "Hey Reds! Can you hear me?"

"Who in Sam Heaven is that?" Sarge grunted.

"Is that God?" Simmons mumbles. Did they think they died or something?

"Hey almighty, can it! Some of us are trying to get a little shut eye," Grif growled. They lost me.

"No Blasphemy!" Sarge growls. What?

"What do you want God? Take Grif, he's been terrible! I mean great!" Simmons spurters.

Church looks over to us and asks "Are you guys gonna help?"

Everyone turns to me, I glance around, let out a sigh "Alright," I mumble as I step forward.

"Hey Reds," I call out, "It's just Church. He's not actually a god….he just acts like one." I muttered that last part, they didn't need to hear that.

I could hear Tucker snickers and mutters to Fergo " Pfft, this is just what he needs, more people worshiping him." Fergo let out a snort of agreement.

"Hey listen, we want to let you out, but we don't want you to attack us or attack Tex, OK?" Church asks.

"Attack Tex?" Simmons cried in disbelief, "She attacked us!" That's a bit of an understatement, we pretty much got our asses handed to us.

"Fuck you guys!" Grif barks angrily.

"Um, Church," I slide up next to him, "I don't think we should be worrying about them attacking Tex."

"I would never hit a girl!" Sarge cries emphasizing my point.

"Just agree and we'll let you out," said Church.

"Grr, fine..." grumbled Simmons.

"Whatever..." huffed Grif.

"Grk duh mrm jerk gurgle..." Sarge unintelligibly gurgled. What?

Church tilted his head for a moment but waved it off saying "I'm gonna assume that last one was a yes." He glances over to me and nods "Go ahead."

"FILISS," I call out, "Let them out."

A.I. custodian acknowledged "Affirmative. Ending Recovery Mode, red units."

As expected, those guys weren't prepared to have control of their body returned. Simmons and Grif toppled to the floor while Sarge only seemed to stumble slightly. Sarge reached up and started massaging his neck breathing a sigh of relief.

"Ahh!" Sarge moaned, "My neck was killing me!"

"And now the next one," I sigh as I glance over to Tex.

Church lets out a sigh and motions for us "Come on."

We all gathered around the disabled cyborg waiting for Church's call on w+hat to do next. It should be my call, but I don't think waking up the cyborg reanimated ex girlfriend of one of my….dare I say squadmates doesn't exactly fall under my jurisdiction. Plus this pretty much is a personal thing for Church, might as well let him have a choice. If only he actually made a choice. A full minute of starring passed by when someone finally broke.

Not surprisingly, it was Fergo, "Church, are you gonna like do anything? I mean, we're all okay with you leaving her in there, but if you're gonna release her, do you mind hurrying it up a bit?"

"Right," he agreed, "I'm waking her up."

"Wait a second," Sarge protested, "No way buddy. You must have missed the smash fest we just went through. I ain't repeating that."

"One that you were absent from, might I add," Rowe glares.

"Hey, we made a deal:" Church sternly reminded, "I unlock you, you have to help me with her."

Grif raised his arm "Hey, now hold on a second," he cries trying to stall Church.

"This affects the entire group," Simmons adds, "I say we put it to a vote. All those in favor of waking her up and letting her kill us, say Aye."

"Aye," Church nods, "Caboose?"

"Present," he replies, I think he mistook the vote for a roll call.

"No, we're not doing that," Church snaps, "Just say aye."

"You," Caboose replies, "Oops I mean me!"

"No, -" Church groans.

"Caboose," Carrie cuts in, "He wants to know if you want Tex to wake up?"

"Didn't we do that armor….lunchable thing to her?" he asks, I can literally see him scratching his head. "Won't she the Reds if we wake her up?"

"I don't know," Carrie shrugs.

"What does Church want?" he asks, "I'll just go with what he picks."

"Okay, that's a yes from both of us," Carrie says to Church.

"We're safe here right?" Caboose asks.

"Yeah."

"Anyone else?" Church asks.

"Wanna wake her?" I hear Fergo murmur to Tucker.

"Fuck it," he mutters, "We're not gonna get any answers with her like this."

Fergo nods and then says "Alright, that's a yes us too."

Sarge nods and then continues "Okay. And everyone in favor of not doing that thing and leaving her asleep and not getting killed by the person we're not going to wake up because nobody is that stupid, say Nay."

"That was like a, quadruple negative," Simmons commented.

"Just vote," grumbles Sarge.

"Nay?" Simmons answers, well more questions than anything else.

"Nay," Rowe nods.

"That's a nay from me too," I add.

"Seriously?" Church shoots me a betrayed look, as if he had expected me to be on his side.

"Church," I sigh, "We put way too much effort getting her restrained. I am not dealing with that shit again."

"Grif?" Sarge turns to him waiting for his vote.

Grif throws up his arms and cries in frustration "I didn't even understand the question, so I'm just gonna say Blueberry."

Church then throws _his_ arms into the air and cries " Fuck it, veto, she comes out."

"If you were going to release her regardless of our opinion, why did you call for a vote?" I mutter.

"Hm?"

"What was the point in voting?" I cry, "In that whole time we wasted, we could have gotten out of here while you did your thing."

"Well," Simmons reasoned, "It's not too late to fallback now is it?"

"Well….no."

"Why don't we just fall back now?" he asks.

Not a bad idea, I nod and everyone who voted no immediately backed behind a concrete barrier.

"Very mature, all of you," Church snarks, "So Sheila, is there any way to turn her, only you know, part way back on?"

"No, I am sorry," the computer responded, "I can either leave her in lock, or take her out of lock. There is no in between."

"So she's either completely asleep, or full-on bitch," Tucker jokes, "Sounds like my ex-wife."

"You married?" Fergo huffs completely not buying it.

"God no," he snorts, "I hope not."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Fergo asks raising her eyebrow.

"You're like one of the few relationships I've had that had actually lasted, and the only one I've actually felt invested in," Tucker replies sincerely, "To find out I was married to someone I don't even remember, it would...well, it would really suck." Right, not entirely my business, so I'll just stop listening now.

"Well, we have to do something," Church states.

"Why do people always say that; we have to do something?" Grif asks. "We don't have to do anything. Let's just let sleeping maniacs lie."

Church then lifted his head, he just had an idea, "Here, let me try this," he sighs.

We watch as Church leaves his new body and transfers himself into the unconscious body of Tex.

"Now what?" Grif asks.

"We wait," I murmur, "See what happens."

"Agreed," Sarge nods.

Off to the side, I could hear whispering coming from Fergo and Tucker. That was pretty much the only noise present other than the humming of equipment and slight movements from the Reds. Then, as expected, Church quickly returned back.

"What did she say?" Tucker asked expectantly.

Church took a deep breath as he stood back up in his body, " I think we got it all worked out."

"So we're good right?" Grif asks from behind the barrier, "Like she's cool?"

"Cool as she ever was," Church shrugged.

"That does not inspire confidence in me," he mutters to the rest of us.

"Wake her up Sheila."

"Affirmative."

"Lockett are you sure we're safe here?" Rowe asks nervously.

I thought for a moment, then turned to Sarge, "Sarge how's our escape plan looking?"

"We're not that far from the exit," he replies, "Those holes in the walls should cut our travel time down."

"Yeah I wonder where those came from," Rowe snorts.

Simmons turns towards said exit and asks "Should we get ready then?"

I watch as the lock down shield started to flicker.

"Yeah," I reply.

"Ending Recovery mode, all units," announced Sheila.

Tex then let's out a loud groan as she slowly stands up. As she regained her composure, I saw the Reds visibly tighten their grips on their weapons.

Church nervously takes a step forward and asks "Uh, how're you feeling?"

Then without warning, Tex darts forward and punches Tucker in the stomach.

"Ow!" he screams as he doubles over and falls to his knees.

"Better," Tex chirps.

"What the fuck?!" poor Tucker cried from the floor.

Church grimaced as he slowly said " Oh right. I forgot to mention one thing."

 _Linebreak_

As expected, this version of Tex had no recollection of us, so the next 10 minutes were spent filling in Tex on the events from Blood Gulch to now. Funny enough, Caboose did a surprisingly decent job summarizing our story up, whatever Caboose missed was further elaborated on by either the Tucker and Fergo or by Carrie.

"She caught up pretty fast didn't she?" Grif murmured.

I silently nodded "Mmhm."

Meanwhile, the rest of us found ourselves relaxing and finding ways to occupy our time. Sarge was lounging on the barrier while listening to the conversation and Church was talking with FILISS. Simmons was looking at his PDA while Rowe was taking sips out of her flask and Grif was eating a fudge brownie from an MRE. We haven't gotten much downtime as of late, so Sarge and I decided to let them rest while we waited for Church to drag us off onto another adventure.

"How many versions of Tex does this make?" Sarge asks curiously.

"Two," I answer while lighting a cigarette.

"Hey can I have one of those?" he asks while stuffing the rest of the brownie into his mouth.

I nod and hand him one from my pack, to this day, how Grif can operate as a soldier with how he takes care of himself. Albeit, he's a lazy soldier, but the fact he is able to function as well as he does is a marvel to my eyes. In Fact, he seems to operate _better_ with his current diet. Don't ask me how, because I gave up trying years ago.

"Want me to light it for you?" I ask and he nodded.

I pull out my own cigarette and took a long drag from it. When I saw the end light up, I took the unlit cigarette and pushed it into my burning one. When it was lit, I nodded and handed to Grif. Grif took a drag from it before taking it out and inspecting it.

"Thanks," he smiles.

"Well, officially two," Simmons comments, "If you count the different bodies she's been in, guess that would make it…." Simmons pauses for a second to count, "Four….five, five bodies?"

"That sounds about right," nodded Sarge.

"Yeah, and two renditions of her personality, good times," I smile, "What's funny is this is actually the _third_ version that I have seen."

"Yeah…." Simmons nods silently, "Wait, third?"

The Reds thought about it for a moment before Grif asks "You knew the original?"

"Umhm," I smile. "She was my platoon sergeant, then became my First Sergeant, but that was later."

"Was the original anything like this?" Grif asks pointing at said person.

I took a moment to process his question, "In some aspects yeah. I'll tell you one thing, Allison was a lot easier to work with."

"So they aren't really the same person are they?" asks Rowe curiously.

I shrug and reply "I never personally saw them as the same person. They all were too different to me."

"How?" she asks.

"Well, the Tex you all know had this bit of arrogance to her if you remember," I start, they all nod, "And this one seems to be even more cynical going off of how Church described his conversation with her while she was in armor lock." I lower my head and let out a sigh, "I don't know, it just feels as if her skill comes with a price to it."

"A price?" asks Sarge.

"I don't know, it just feels like the tougher she gets, the more robotic she gets."

"The original Allison was an optimist, not a pessimist. Even the Tex from Blood Gulch, at least she saw us as more than just faceless soldiers with no names," I continue.

"And you think at one point, we're going to find her and she will literally be a robot, but you don't know when," I narrow my eyes as Rowe continues, "But you know that whoever keeps bringing her back will reach that point." I nod.

"Um, should we be worried?" asks Simmons, slightly nervous now.

"Wouldn't hurt," I murmur as I take another drag and then point at Church, "She's always had him dialed in."

"Which means he will be more likely to go into trouble because he had blind faith in someone who is pretty much using him," Grif snorts.

"Pretty much," I smirk, "And guess who has to drag him out to prevent everyone else from going under with him."

"We do," Carrie chuckles as she comes in unannounced surprising us a little. "Though I'm sure you could find us a way out if it ever came to us."

I glanced over to her not really sure how to respond. I'm not about to leave Church out to dry, but if he voluntarily goes to get himself killed or captured, I'll be quite limited to what options I could possibly have.

"What are they up to at the moment?" I ask.

Carrie sighs in a bored tone "Tex wants to go on some wild goose chase to find out who she is or whatever. Church agreed."

Exactly my point.

"I'm sure she could find out plenty by asking you, you since you served with the original Tex," Carrie continues, "But she wants to see the data personally, along with anything else the Director has been working on."

Sarge then let's out a groan as he sits up and bellows, "Well that's enough sitting around." Sarge turns to Simmons and says "Simmons, this is our chance. Get in the computer and start entering the Blues back in the database."

"You guys still haven't done that?" I ask incredulously.

"We never got the chance," Sarge replies, he then claps his hands "Simmons, let's go."

Simmons hops up saying "Yes Sir. Come on Grif, I need your help."

"My help? With a computer?" Grif snorts in disbelief, "Simmons, you must have me confused with someone who," he then pauses as he struggles to find words, "Can help, you, with the computer."

"Lost your train of thought there didn't you?" Carrie asks with a playful smirk on her face.

"Yeah, a little bit," Grif murmurs while scratching his head.

Simmons continues "Following the Blues is one thing. If I'm entering all these names and records, I need someone to hold up the papers for me."

Grif rolls his eyes and says "Uh, sorry dude, paper holder's not in my job description."

Simmons deadpans and replies cooly "No, but I'm gonna be working in the personnel files. So I can add it to your job description. In fact, I can make your job whatever I want. How does "Chief Executive Butt Taster" sound?"

Grif's eyes widen and his lips quiver as he stutters out "You can't do that."

Simmons challenges " I can't? I thought you didn't understand how computers work. In fact while I'm in there, why don't I just make you a woman." Simmons then turns around heading for the computer before finishing with "It's just a checkbox, and we could always use a little more diversity in our team. I know Tucker will be happy."

Grif nervously laughs it off saying "Php, make me a woman. Yeah right. Like changing a form would actually turn me into a woman. I mean that's just…" Grif then dons a fearful look and starts walking after him, "How stupid does he think I... I- I- I better go help him." He then breaks off into a run.

"You should go with them," Sarge suddenly says, I look over to him and he continues "Simmons is going to need some fact checking, I'm sure he will do just fine, but it wouldn't hurt for some extra confirmation."

"He's right Pappa Lockett," Carrie adds, it's been a while since she called me that. "You need a break from the drama."

I look at her with a serious look and say "Don't think that because you used my old team nickname, you can convince me to do things," I then smirk, "But alright, you coming too?"

"Yeah," she nods. "What about you tow?" Carrie asks Sarge and Rowe.

"We'll catch up," replies Rowe as she screws her flask closed. "We'll let you know if anything comes up."

I nod, stamped out my cigarette and then walked after Grif.

* * *

 **Omake:**

Washington glanced around the dessert which was now littered with alien corpses. He nods with slight satisfied with his and Maine's handiwork as he pulls the bolt back on his rifle ejecting a spent cartridge. He then glances around looking for something and grimaces when he can't find it.

"Hey Doc!" he calls out, "Where are you."

"Here!" he calls out from on top of the elephants.

Somewhat surprised and impressed, he comments "Still alive. I thought maybe you'd been killed in the battle."

Maine slowly growled softly as he notices a path of blood. He then slowly started following the blood trail away from his bickering compatriots. He then finds the end of the trail which led to a crashed dropship. As he slowly rounded the corner, he stopped and listened, and he could here soft pants.

* * *

Today was not going well for Meia. It started out rather well, Meia was reunited with her old friend and was able to stop the human rebels from securing the artifact. It was going well and she was about to leave with her men when _he_ arrived. The Lockett had warned her about, agent Washington, and we wasn't alone. To his left was a hulking beast who was built like a tank and armed with a brute shot, how fitting. To his right was the exact opposite, it was a skinny, cowardly looking man who didn't even have a weapon with him, he did seem familiar to Meia though, and she couldn't quite figure out how.

As suspected, Washington had turned violent as he and his party went along and killed her men as well as wounded her. She let out a pained grunt as she shifted along the wall while cradling the gunshot wound to her stomach. It was then she heard a growled chuckled, her eyes went wide and she grew pale as she realized what was about to happen. In a last ditch effort, Meia brings up her plasma pistol to try and shoot the beast but she wasn't quick enough. Maine rushes around the corner and grabs her arm and knocks the gun out of her hand. He then proceeds to kick her in the head making her black out. Maine lets out a loud growl alerting Washington and Doc to his presence.

"What is it?" asks Doc.

"Looks like one of them lived," humms Wash, "Lucky us, it's even their leader saving us time to try and translate her language."

"What do we do?" Doc asks.

"You mean what do _you_ do," Wash corrects, "I need you to keep her alive."

"What?" Doc cries, "But I'm a human medic. I don't even understand Alien physiology."

"Well you'll have to figure out something," Wash growls. "We need her to talk, and if she can't give us anything, then she'll give us something else."

"What's that?" he asks.

"Let's just say she'll give us leverage to draw out someone who will give us what we want should she fail," Wash replies coldly.

* * *

 **Author's Note: I finally finished it. It took much longer than I had planned, and I wasn't planning on taking a multi-week break in between. Once again, sorry for that, I'll make sure to tell you guys the next time that happens. I haven't quite got everything in mind for the future season, but I think I do had an idea. I just realized it wouldn't hurt to expand on what Lockett's relationship with the original Alison Church was, so expect that, it's actually convenient since now we have Tex back, still divided on how his interactions with her should be. Anyway, stay tuned and thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. Remember, Big Brother is watching….Always.**

* * *

 **Important notice:**

This story is not going to stop. I am just putting it on pause for the moment. I am currently working on a concept story for RWBY and I won't be updating for possibly the next few weeks. If you're interested, follow me and you can check it out when it releases. The rest of you, I'll see you soon.

Remember, Big Brother is watching...always.


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